Everything’s changing. I’m about to head into another new chapter. An exciting one, that gives my soul the ‘tingles.’ I can’t sew, my brows are on point and I definitely did the school run this morning, with a peach yogurt on my dashboard. But the lucky stars are on my side…and for that alone, I’m grateful.
I’ve spent my life living, with everything crossed. (But not my toes, as I find that peculiar.) I always believe that if you put your ALL into something boldy, you’ll have a better chance of ‘championing’ a great result. Yet, I also believe that you can only go so far, with full effort. It’s then when you kinda have to trust your journey and just leave things to ‘life magic.’ That’s the ‘fingers crossed’ bit, where you hope for the best and jump in the deep end.
Right now, I’m making really firm decisions, that stamp the word ‘happiness’ deeply into the grounds of Wunna Land. Those decisions are *squeaking* and *glistening* with love, life and giddiness. It kinda seems that the older I get, the more happy I want to be. That came out wrong! What I mean is, now that i’m older and i’ve learnt a few things, I make my own happiness a priority.
Happiness has only ever *shone* as a priority previously, whenever i’ve reached rock bottom, simply had enough, and just needed to DO SOMETHING, CHANGE EVERYTHING, so I didn’t have to waste my time, purpose or get wrinkles from frowning. Haha. You get it. When you need a life line. These days, I don’t leave things to the ‘can’t take anymore’ mark. I notice them straight away and I guess, trickled through my years of wisdom, is a warm, but fearless motivation to only do the things that make my heart swell…that make my eyes smile. (Which isn’t hard. I’m Asian. They’re always smiling. J )
The change is work. It’s all still entertainment…It’ all still ‘look at me’ and showy. However i’m tottering down a different path. A path I used to totter, yet felt defeated by, due to a much more successful ex, ex, ex husband. (HE didn’t make me feel bad. He’s a wonderful soul. I took it upon myself in my early 20’s feel bad. Yippeee! I convinced myself that my goal was personally unachievable.)
How wrong I was!
Now, that I know ALL dreams come true, if you at least try and keep your fingers crossed 😉 i’m going for it. A phone call was made to me before Christmas. I’d met this lady who is the MD of a place I love. I met her at the ‘Lifestyle Awards’ many moons ago. (I remember Stephanie Hirst in my left eyeline. Zanetti with a giant blond quiff to my right….and a bustle as everyone wanted to head to The Maven for an After Party.) Anyway, her company keeps crossing, passing and tinkering through to Wunna Land by accident. I’ve always *paused* and thought. I’ve always really WANTED. Yet something’s always happened, which hasn’t made the timing right. (I’m blaming it on timing. It’s never time. It’s when you’re ready.)
Yesterday…I felt I was ready. So I put everything together, wrote it all out and that it’s i’m doing it. I’m doing it because it makes me happy. I’m doing it because everyone onboard reckons I have a good shot at it. I’m also doing it because I refuse to let the ‘behind the scenes’ drama, distract me and affect my work, happiness, life, love and success. I’m not someone who grants focus to the bad bits, at 38. Success is always the sweetest revenge. Happiness is the only thing that makes you a successful human.
An email got sent…I start pretty soon. It’s weird how things can get sorted so easily, if you just get ya shit together.
But anyway, I can’t sew! Why can’t I sew? I’m quite girly. I’m feminine. I’m a glamour puss. I’m creative. I’m pretty good at ‘doing stuff’ in general, aside from mathematics, because my brain can’t be arsed to do sums. Someone could say, ‘What’s 7 + 3?’ I’ll immediately reply, ‘I don’t know?’ Haha. Al because I can’t be bothered to waste a moment adding the two numbers. (Before you start, I DO KNOW, the answer is 10. Haha.) However, i’d quite happily write a poem, take a selfie, or scribe a blog. My brain has time for that.)
Anyway, I can’t sew. In my head, I thought I was some kinda of seamstress. I knew I wasn’t. I just imagined myself sewing gowns for Queens and making masterpieces. All i can actually do is sew on a couple buttons, a name tag or a few sequins. That’s where my sewing talent ends. But that’s the only level of talent I NEEDED. All I had to do was sew clips onto my hair extensions.
OH MY GOD. It was a disaster. It was all over the place. It was so messy. Threads snapped, hair tangled, clips fell, all this fuckiNG shit happened, that I stressed myself out. I carried on and completed it, because I needed hair. But let me tell you right now. I now have an even HUGER appreciation for all those who have the patience to sew in weaves, or clips onto hair.
Who has the emotional stability for that kinda of madness??? I just don’t like the niggly tedious tasks that people expect me to do. Haha. My Mum even offered to sew for me, yet no ofcourse, I had to master it myself. Why am I even trying to sew things? Why am I doing ab work outs? Why am I eating clean and not guzzling extra cocktails? Why is roasted seaweed by favourite snack after yoga? Why would I ever ‘Superzoom’ that onto my Insta Story???? I’m meant to be diamonds and swag, not ‘Save the flipping Whales.’ I’m meant to be ‘good times’ & sex appeal…not ‘I’ll snack on sunflower seeds for fun.’ I don’t drink sugar free soda UNLESS it has VODKA in it!
Sometimes you can step a bit too far out your lane….Only the smartest people know when to rein it in…However, sometimes you need to rely on smart friends, who refuse to let you fall into the depths of a roasted seaweed, Insta story ‘Superzoom.’
Miss. Murphy was right…
‘Mate. You need a wine. I’m at Angelica’s. You should come.’