I don’t want a Hamster & Gin

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I don’t know how I’m feeling right now? I know i’m feeling good. Really good. Great! I know that the babies are my world. Work’s great. I’m waiting to hear from a show I’d really like to get on. All’s good.

However, the problem with me, is that I adore excitement. I’ve grown out of chasing it, or causing. Yet, I still enjoy the feeling of ‘excitement.’ I find it delicious. Y’know, Lavish flutters of excitement that make your heart fly and swirl..and it seems that when everything ‘ticks’ the perfect box, in Wunna Land. Well passion, ambition and all the dynamic parts of my personality fire up and I slipping on my ‘adventure’ heels…looking for magic moments of ‘swirl.’

Don’t worry, i’m not gonna do anything crazy. I’m 38, not 20. But there’s just something brewing in the airs of Wunna Land. I don’t quite know what, but I can feel it. It’s meandering around me, with every single ‘strut’ I take.

I will take this time to also tell you that my car fucked up this morning. I was driving and then all of a sudden it decided to go ‘ape’ and my actual car alarm started going off.


I had to drive it all the way to the garage, with my ALARM GOING OFF, like i’d stolen my own car. Haha. Not embarrassing at all. I was initially concerned that everyone would be watching me. Then I went with ‘fuck it, i’m not that important.’ I felt the fear and did it anyway. I drove like EVERYONE’S car alarm SHOULD be going off, whilst on the road, after the school run.

Got to the garage. The alarm quit sounding. I looked like an utter lunatic. Like i’d made the whole entire thing up. All was fine. The car was dandy. No alarm was sounding…So they sent me back home. HAHAHA.

Honestly, why though!!??! What the jiggles IS my life!?!

Save yourselves. If this is the ‘perfect’ tick box, then I have issues.

I need a Marks & Spencers ‘Rainbow Veg Sushi Wrap to make me feel better. (Plug. Plug.) It’s part of their new Plant Kitchen Range…which is superb if you’re vegan. (I’m not.) However, i’m trying to eat as healthy as possible, because I’m sick of my belly having a wibble and well..at the END OF MAY, i have LOTS OF PEOPLE, headed, or headed back to the UK, who i’m going to be seeing…and Let’s be realistic, I’m as vain as they come, I want to look more like a Goddess, a vision, something you build shrines to and daren’t touch, in case it breaks your heart, rather than ‘Susie Lu’ who works at the chip shop.

I have a free day today, so i’m spending it with my Mum and Dad. They’re got roped into being part of ‘Welcome to Wunna Land’ (we filmed this morning, so we’re now just chilling at brunch. They secretly love it.

Dad: ‘Who thought that i’d spend my life as a surgeon and then at 70, be part of a reality show because Chrissie…who i actually CREATED fancies herself on the telly…It’s insane…But I love it. It’s better than doing the gardening.’

(Yes, I was the winning sperm that swam down my Father’s penis, to be grown and fed in my mother’s womb. Yippeee. Now I drink….and we lived happily ever after.)

I love family time, because I get to be a little girl again and it’s ace. Haha. When you’re old and you’ve been an independent ‘Girl Boss’ and had to struggle through the glittery wilderness, all your life, being pampered and babied, feels so good. Haha.

I used to NEVER let people pamper me or treat me. I don’t know why? I HAD to be the treater, or the ‘looker afterer.’ I loved it. I still do. But i noticed that I never ever let anyone take care of me. I don’t know what that issue was? But it was one.

However, these days, in my jolly old age, (‘knockers’ still good,) I loved to be cared for and ‘kitty stroked.’ I’m more accepting of it now…and almost despise people who don’t do it. Haha. I feel like everyone reckons that i’ve spent my life as a ‘diva’…When really it’s quite the opposite.

Ruby: ‘She’s literally the most caring person I know & she’s fun. She makes us scrambled eggs, just in her pants, singing songs we like, with rollers in her hair.’

Junior: ‘She says we can’t have things, unless we work hard for them…but then they just appear in our house.’

Hahaha. Oh Lord.

They want a hamster. I’m NOT DOING a hamster. We have a cat. I can’t stroke a hamster. They scare me.

SO, what the kids have done now, is made their OWN money influencing over Easter, saved their pocket money and offered to do chores around Grandma’s house to save up for a Hamster & a cage.

The Hamster is only £10. Haha. They’re currently on a hell of a lot more. I hate hamsters, but i can’t have them come up with a solution, work so hard, save money and then NOT LET THEM HAVE A HAMSTER, can I?

My Mum: ‘At this rate kids, you could probably get something different like a puppy or a tortoise.’

Cheers Mum! A tortoise I could do. All it would do would be chill and watch me drink gin. I did used to have a white chihuahua called ‘Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice.’

A hamster is a whole different level of cheer. It if bites me, i’ll go mental and then the kids will hate me. Haha.

Yet, I told them that if they make their own money, they can spend it on what they want..(within reason…not on gin.) They have….They want a hamster. So yes, that’s brilliant.


We’re calling it ‘Tequila.’ If they don’t let me, i’ll just not drive them to Pets at Home. Haha.

Banter over. I love you very much.

Thank you for following me life. AS IF you’re actually going to see it in real life soon.

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