Mum: ‘Chrissie. You’re doing the wrong thing… You’re stressed right now, so you’re giving energy to the haters…instead of nurturing the fans that adore you. Don’t do that. Stop biting. It’s bad form, it’s bad business.’
Me: ‘I don’t like people talking shit about me though…and..’
Mum: ‘When you ignore the bad words, their words are irrelevant. Look at all the people saying WONDERFUL stuff about you. VOGUE for crying out loud! Whocares if Billy from the chip shop, thinks you’re a slut. Haha. Why are you laughing?’
Me: ‘Sorry…my guy friend calls his willy ‘Billy’…and it just made me laugh.’
Anyway, focusing on the positive, i feel like i’m at my most popular right now. If I showed you how well m subscription sites were doing, your eyes would jump out of their sockets. I can’t even believe it.
However, away from that…over the last couple days, (and remember iv’e been keeping myself to myself, because there’s a lot going on…) i’ve realized that I know some really great people and I have such wonderful friendships, love and support.
I was DMing Miss.Murphy yesterday, and she doesn’t really have to give two shits about Wunna land at all. Yet she does. Yes, she likes to know everything. She likes the secret scoop. I freely tell her every little niggly bit and I love it. Haha. But regardless, she’ll always make sure, that i’m okay…and i’m not sure how she always knows if i’m not? She’s like Mystic Meg, yet hotter and not as creepy, looking.
Infact, everyone I know is watching my progression or stories and are on the edge of their seat ready to have my back, incase I need them.
It’s moments like that, that make my heart whole. During times of ‘niggly,’ they inspire me. They motivate me. I’m really grateful.
Stuff is going on and it’ s not work, work is actually fabulous. Everyone always thinks it’s work. Yet business is better than ever!
Guy Model Friend: ‘Well, right now, i’m on 4,800 subscribers on my Onlyfans.’
Me: ‘That’s a juicy 48,000 Dollars a month.’
Guy Model Friend: ‘Fucking tell me about it! I left my shit day job because I made more money. It’s gay men, they’ve given me a really good start. What’s yours at?’
Guy Model Friend: ‘WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!’
Me: ‘It’s the straight men. They’ve given me a good start. Haha. I’m liking this chapter of life. It’s an adventure. It’s fun. Just make the money while you can. Don’t listen to anyone who’s hating on you.’
So, you get it…work is good. Plus, I have a couple shows coming out shortly….which pay less (haha,) yet are so much fun. I’m an entertainer at heart..so filming brings me joy.
However, i’m not actually gonna tell you about the stress i’m going through. But what I will tell you, is that moments like this morning with my son, has filled my heart with joy.
Junior: ‘Mum. Touch my heart…’
(I place my hand on it..)
Junior: ‘Can you feel it?’
Me: ‘YES!!! I can feel the letter M for Mama, on it… Haha.’
Junior: (He giggles.) ‘Yes!!! It’s filled with love for you. There’s ‘M’ for ‘Mama’ all over it, Mum. Do you have a J for Juni on your heart.’
Me: ‘Oh my gosh son, I have the BIGGEST J, over my heart. Can you feel it?’
Junior: ‘Yes….and your boobie. Haha.’
Boys will be boys.
I’m a very lucky girl and if i’m being honest, even through the hardships, this is pretty much THE BEST time of my life.
On the love life front, I’m dating the best man alive. He’s the most beautiful soul and when I look at him, I can’t believe how delicious he is and how lucky i got. He’s the most loving and understanding, family man…and every day he goes out of his way to make me smile.
So from today, my energy will be distributed correctly.
When there’s so much love around, don’t waste soul on the hate. See the beauty in everything.
Live. I cannot tell you how important it is to give two ‘nada’ hoots about what people think of you, what people say about you, if you’re completely happy with the choices you’re making in life. Embrace it. See the big picture. Love. Live. Enjoy. If ya lucky, you have 100 years to do whatever you wish. Do it. Be exactly who you want. Never apologize for who you are..
Hand on heart, I am THAT person and it’s when I quit being scared of everything and quit molding myself into what others wanted me to be, that I thanked my lucky stars and started smashing it.
Don’t let other people dictate your future, your actions or the hinder your success. As long as no harm is being caused, you’re dandy.
Y’know, we’re all different and that’s what great about us. Learn to appreciate others for their quirks and differences, without forcing them to be YOU, without judgement and without hate. We all learn things at different life stages, in different ways and we all conquer them the exact same way.
I put up with a lot of love, yet I also put up with a lot of hate. The hates not just from chicks. I mean, even this morning in the ‘Lamp Lovers’ group…(which I love) MEN will hate on me and judge me, which is against my life rules. I’ll have six thousand ‘likes,’ 900 comments and 10 of them will be mocking me.
Not being funny or anything, but don’t be mocking a ‘hottie p’tottie’ firstly EVER, yet secondly…when you may have had the entire thing on the Greggs menu this morning, lost all your hair, scratching ya ‘nuts’ that are months filled with ‘no love,’ and whilst your wife or girlfriend is at work and doesn’t even know you’re in a naughty secret online group.
I’m there working. You’re there viewing the work.
Be kind, always, because it’s the smallest things that make me happy. It’s the smallest things that make me smile and i’m BANTER, i’m a tough one, I’m not someone to weep over a bit of a ‘roast.’ It seems that people like to ‘say,’ yet don’t like it batted right back at them. In 2019, it’s coming right back over that net and boy it is drenched in sass. Don’t dish out, what you can’t handle.
Men are more sensitive than women. We’re expressive, but try and smooth things over. Men bottle things up, have a ‘bark’ and then act all wounded when they get their feelings hurt, or when you ‘home truth’ them.
But enough about all that, eh!
I’m over the moon. I’m happy. I’m excited. I have a bit of telly airing shortly. My subscription sites are going well.. (If i’m being honest, better than I thought? I’m enjoying. It’s me…and well the way I see it, is that i’m making the money I need to make merrily, whilst I’m still able.
I’ve realized that everything really does happen for a reason and everything that’s meant to be will always find it’s way. I say that a lot, I know. But it’s true. Life ‘magic’ has this weird way and meandering things, so you get exactly what’s meant for you. You can push the square peg, through the round hole, all you wish. But what is destined for you, will always always find a way. That’s in love, life and work. It might be because you still have shit to learn or it’s your ultimate ticket to final happiness. Either way…I believe there’s an uncontrollable ‘ life magic.’
Notice the things that make you smile. The things that make you happy. Pay attention to them because their essential to your existence. They’re gonna make you feel alive. I promise. And feeling alive is all that matters. That’s what we’re doing here.
Look around you, is everything just how you want it? If not, start switching it up, so you can finally look around you, breathe and smile.
I can’t actually believe how wonderful 2019 has been to me, so far. I can’t believe it, to the point where i’m having to pinch myself.
Things are wonderful right now. Well…I think they are? I mean, I have predicaments. Don’t we all?? However it seems my predicaments are somewhat bouji…somewhat fortunate, that i’d be a ‘First world problem’ fool, to even begin to complain. But still… old or young, rich or poor…we all FEEL the same way and have the same problems . That’s what connects us as humans.
On the whole…my life is wonderful. I’m a really lucky girl. Not being able to choose between great things…isn’t really a real problem at all.
I’m working a lot…and seeing the benefits now. I love seeing the benefits because nothing is worse than slogging ya kitty guts off, without a glorious display of results. I’m keeping myself to myself…and weirdly becoming more & more popular?
Things at home are great. Ruby (my daughter,) turned 8 yesterday. I cried because she was so happy. Both Ruby AND Junior were so happy. Rubes & I have been through so much. But she inspires me everyday.
There were moments yesterday where I caught her alone, beaming with love and happiness…as she whispered…’this has been the best birthday ever.’ Then moments when I watched both babies throw their heads back in laughter, because they just enjoyed being 8 & 5 so much.
It made my heart swell…and to me, that’s what matters. It’s what life is about. That alone makes me happy. I’m a family girl. Yesterday, I lived MY BEST life…and that was my role as ‘Mama.’
I could achieve absolute everything in the world and have ALL the recognition, but without them, it would mean nothing and my life would feel empty.
You know you’re living your best life, when you’re no longer wishing for a better one. Remember that! Make the best out of what you have.
I’ve had some great moments. Yesterday ‘DBear’ messaged me, beaming at the fact that I was so ‘family,’ as I trundled along on a child’s tractor ride at Sundown Adventureland. He’s a good man. His soul is real. He’s calm. He’s at peace…and sometimes a girl like me needs that.
Later that night I got caught up in banter with one of my guy besties ‘T-Bone.’
TBone: ‘I’ve just tried to call you. Pick up.’
We don’t half talk some smack to each other. But like a boomerang, he shoots his way back into Wunna Land, with ‘the jollies.’ There’s nothing about this dude that winds me up. Even when he’s a twat.
Me: ‘Ya missed the boat dude!’
TBone: ‘I’m still ON the boat!! Haha.’
Me: ‘Honestly, one day ya gonna pull ya pants down and ya willy is just gonna fall off, onto your laminate flooring, because it’s knackered from being over used.’
Then he might have playfully decided that I was slag..in comparison to his ‘angelic’ self. He’s about as angelic as I am. Yet like myself…his heart is in the right place.
If you knew who T-Bone was…you may get what I’m talking about.
Me: ‘I’m calling The Sun!’
But we had a laugh. Then luckily my phone ran out of charge and cut him off. Haha. (Which probably pissed him off.)
Today, I’m getting sorted. I’ve got a lot of work to get through. I’ve got a trip down south that i have to organise. I’m catching up. I’m swinging my swag…and life is just so ‘gosh, darn it’ wonderful.
Welcome my little pretties! Hope you’re all well. I’m recovering. I’m busy. I have a little girl who’s about to turn 8 this weekend. I’ve got messages and interviews galore. I’m trying to conquer them all. I’m writing mini statements for good friends in tv. Gents are filling my DM boxes with trickery, nonsense and dick pics. It’s half term. Money is glittering through my little fingers. I’m getting quick snaps from New Zealand from good friends, who miss me and ‘D Bear’ the Boo….is chilling with love. He’s all good, down his neck of da woods….and I’m drooling over his videos, like I ain’t never seen ‘juice.’
I always used to say that I didn’t have a type. I’ve changed my mind. I have a type and my type is ‘sexy.’
Anyway, away from that…
I even got forced to attempt a piece of DNA origami, yesterday, by a girl called ‘Tasha,’ who’s delightful and watched me be a moron on First Dates.
Origami is not my thing and I almost HATE saying that because I’m creative and it’s asian. But fuck it. DNA origami Is meant to cleanse the soul and mind….as you learn about the body and biology! (The kids wanted to do. *Rolls Eyes.*)
It actually stressed me out (haha) because I’m someone who hates the tedious little tasks in life. I like the little things to just be taken care of, for me.
Plus, i already KNOW about biology! Don’t have unprotected sex, in hotel rooms after drinks…that’s how babies are born.
But whilst I’m busy…I thought i’d let YOU get to know ME, a lil’ better. And as they say, what better way, to get to know someone, than hearing what their friends have to say, about them…
Here’s what my friends say about me…
‘She’s one of the smartest girls i’ve ever met. She knows how to do EVERYTHING well! She’s really good at working a crowd & she did it naturally, ever since being a kid.’
‘To say she’s so tough, she’s a really emotional girl. She only cries when she’s really hurt & never for no reason. Oh! She’s also really intelligent.’
‘When she’s in love…no other guy in the world can ever win her heart because she loves with every inch of her soul. Super loyal friend and lover. She hates making love life decisions when it comes to choosing between guys.’
‘She is someone that will go without to make you happy.’
‘If you fuck with Wunna, she will never be afraid to come at you, with a shit load of home truths.’
‘She was always scared to promote her sexiness because women never liked it. ‘
‘No guy has ever actually treated her the way she’s always dreamt of. She wishes for a fairytale…even though she’s vixen, strong and independent.’
‘She’s a great mum. She makes Ruby & Junior feel so special always.’
‘She’s quite misunderstood. If you don’t know her personally…She’s a really hard sell. Haha.’
‘She drinks & swears all the time and I love her for it.’
‘At school she was really clever.’
‘She’s a really good dancer.’
‘She used to be homeless and no one actually believes her, when she says it.’
‘My most fun stories always start with *Remember when Chrissie…*’
‘She puked in my bath and refused to clean it up.’
‘She falls in love far too easily.’
‘She never cared for riches. She makes good money because of it.’
‘She’s never makes good of a bad bargain.’
‘Literally the most understanding human alive.’
‘She loves to fall in love.’
‘I love that she knows how to live and can turn anything around to her favour.’
‘Such a positive girl.’
‘Don’t give her wine. She’s a Tosser.’
‘Her Mum means the world to her.’
‘When she’s smitten, you can definitely tell.’
‘She’s really talented. She does what she does, really fucking well.’
‘She loves it when boys think they can pull the wool over her eyes.’
‘She once couldn’t wait to go to the toilet and peed in an alleyway.’
‘I don’t know anyone who is kinder. She likes to make people happy.’
‘She’s a proper sort.’
‘I love that she has no qualms about being naked. She’ll be in the middle of a room and strip starkers for a laugh.’
‘She’s honestly tell you everything…openly.’
‘The stories she had to tell are insane. You don’t even know the half of it.’
‘She’s used to being the centre of attention & loves it.’
‘If she hates you, you’re fucked, because she likes to hold a grudge.’
‘She honestly think she’s not sexy anymore because she feels old.’
‘She says she doesn’t believe in marriage, but will probably get married again. Haha.’
‘People never know that she has the most hilarious sense of humour. She’s sick. Haha.’
‘She once trod on a slug.’
‘She’s scared of the dark.’
‘She’s really laid back. I don’t know why people think she’s high maintenance.’
‘Just a really good mix of everything. A proper chilled girl.’
I’m finally back on Northern soil…again. (Yorkshire puds for everyone!!) I’ve been travelling quite a lot, creating and running some kind of glamour pussy empire, falling for a boy and being a Mama. Shit ain’t easy. But i’m weirdly doing it well. (I got this! Somehow, I reckon if I say it enough…it’ll come true! Haha.)
I’ve had shoots, filming and business to tend to. I’m loving this new chapter, because it’s filled with ‘life.’ The kinda ‘life’ that I always wanted. The life I wished for! I’ve always done well. Some say really well. 😉 But there’s a lot of ‘well’ and ambition left in me…I’ve got a really big picture in my head..and somehow I reckon I’m gonna get there.
I’m a tryer…
Anyway, i work hard for what I have or what I wish for. I work hard for my children & to feel a sense of worth. Without purpose, I feel bored. (I kinda like that worth, that purpose to be sponged over in a bit of ‘showbiz,’ and hand washed in ‘dollar signs.’ Haha. (I’m glitzy like that!)
However, I say ‘sponged,’ simply because the substance under the glitter is SOLID. Do not get it twisted! Wunna Land IS NOT ‘smoke & mirrors,’ it years worth of hard work! Years worth of happiness. Years worth of glamorousity! Years worth of dedication. Years worth of thought & effort. Years worth of cocktailing. The ups! The downs! The bits in between!
So yeah, it feels really good to finally skip over the part that starts with a ‘hiccup’ and see some actual fucking results.
This kitty went to market.
This kitty is doing gooood, Boo.
Anyway, Surrey. I got back the other day. I went down to see ‘D Bear.’ (Who’s the guy that seems to have taken a keen interest. In return my interest for him is more than alive! So alive that we figured we might as well be together. We’re dating. (You have life to live! Go for it! You’ve nothing to lose!)
We get on really well. We’re actually doing great. We’re both quite busy when it comes to the art of ‘family,’ because we both have our own to manage. We’re fun humans, with real grown up responsibilities..that cost a flipping bomb! Haha!
Every moment we have we seem to learn more and more about one another…I respect him because he’s a good balance of fun, responsible, ambitious, yet loving. We’re quite similar. The ‘bedroom’ is naughty….
DBear: ‘I can definitely confirm that you’re not a ladyboy.. Haha. Here, check this for me, so I can post it on my Insta.’
….and after delightful red wine pours, talks of life, love, work, homes and family….we pissed ourselves laughing at the world and the way it works.
DBear: ‘What’s five percent of…’
Me: ‘I don’t know? I’m a model. I can’t add for shit. I hate maths. Haha.’
DBear: ‘I think you’re smart…’
Waitress: ‘Would you like another one Sir?’
DBear: ‘Yeah. Could I have a few more biscuits too?’
Talking about smart…he’s smart. He’s worldly. He’s open minded. He understands situations and people. He knows a great deal about a lot of things…He’s strong. He’s a goer. He’s loving. He’s a family man. He’s good at reading situations, doesn’t cry over spilt milk and moves forward with confidence.
I’m inspired by him. I guess, a lot of people are.
I mean, isn’t it weird how you can have such a different life story to someone, however at the same time you’ve both lived a similar life, that has created an audience. (In a way we’ve had similar careers, in alternate professions…Infact a similar audience….Except he’s done much better. Haha.)
Yet the good thing about lil’ kitty me, is that I’ve turned it around and ‘winked’ myself a little magic. (This is the part of my life where my Mum finally says, her education WASN’T a waste of money, after all.)
At 38, (Where others have decided to lay to rest,) I’ve sort of thought my career and my future through. I’ve twisted and tinkered. I’ve sorted my branches out…and kinda given myself a ‘comeback’ crown.
I’m fully back in the game career wise now and it’s turning into a success because this time around, I KNOW what i’m doing. I’m not scared of anything. I don’t care what a ‘hater’ has to say. I’m smashing it. I’m going for it. But most of all…I’m loving every minute of it.
You can change you life at any point. Don’t waste the time you have, wishing and hoping, yet being too afraid to not take action.
Bottom life, wonderful time. Beautiful trip. I loved moments where we were just laid in bed with white towels wrapped around our waist, laughing and chatting about life.
Me: ‘I didn’t sleep with Hugh Hefner.’
DBear: ‘I can’t believe that the mansion is a real place.’
Then the morning came…and oh my gosh…I was really poorly.
I won’t go into it…but something happened to my body because I technically hadn’t been looking after it well enough. I don’t really eat enough, which caused my body to react.
Boy, did it react.
We were both just sort of staring at the situation, with ‘Holy Fuck’ faces.
DBear: ‘Why are you laughing!?! I’m genuinely worried!! Haha. You need to make a phone call!’
Me: ‘This isn’t very Playboy of me.’
DBear: ‘You need to rest. What if you bleed on the train! If someone came in here, they’d take one look and think something crazy had happened and call the police! Haha!’
Me: ‘I’m too shy to talk to someone on the phone! Lol. But I’m going to have to do something!?!’
DBear: ‘That’s a lot of blood.’
Me: ‘It’s fine.’
I laughed because, what can you do? I’ve been through worse. It did shock me a little. I did actually end up fainting. Haha. I also needed a doctor…
Why does shit like this have to happen to me!?!
I was just sat there half naked, laughing and maybe dying a little! Haha.
However, ofcourse, being me…I rested, had a beer and then waited until my body could take the journey back…and travelled all the way home, after a salad.
I’m just one of those ‘get on with it’ northern gals, aren’t I! We’re only bothered…when we’re dead.
I even fitted 2 for one ‘Whisky Sours’ in before my last train. Haha. (What? It actually made me feel better!?! Especially when some pompous twat was being rude to the bartender, and waving money in his face, whilst screaming at him over nothing.)
I was casually losing blood and dying on my barstool…quietly…glamourously and with ‘2for1’ Whisky sours at the Great Northern Hotel.
Long story short, I don’t even know how i managed to get home. But I did! My body felt THAT bad, even though I laughed it off. I was whoozy. I couldn’t see. I was stood at Kings Cross station with a packet of M&S ‘Percy Pigs.’ Haha. (Don’t ask? I thought they would make me better?)
I had arranged for my Mum to come pick me up at the station, once i hit northern soil. I don’t even know how I got off that train? Haha. But i’m a trooper. I knew I needed to be home. I’m too proud to faint infront of people, so I made sure I was in public ALL OF THE TIME…and slept on the train.
As soon as I was with my mum and the kids…(My brother came to the platform to carry my bag for me, bless him,) I felt safe, I was fine. You do though, don’t you?
If anything was to happen to me at this point….I was comfortable enough to be embarrassed.
Mum: ‘You do know that, that much blood loss could end up in death you idiot. It’s stops oxygen from pumping to your heart easily. It…You know…that thing that you need, in order to live.’
But now, i’ve seen the Doctor. My Mum is a doctor also. I’ve been kept under fine medical care…and i’m back up and running. Haha.
Look after your bodies. I’m stupid. Don’t be like me.
What a drama!! Haha.
Subscribe to my ONLYFANS.COM/CHRISSIEWUNNA
accounts to make me feel better! Haha.
It’s filled with exclusive content, that no one gets to see on my Insta, Twitter or Facebook etc….
Treat yo’ self! You deserve it! Haha. And so do I!!
I’m sat at the end of the bar writing this, so bare with me….I used to love blogging in public, but now I think everyone’s watching me…when they’re not. Haha. (Yes. I need therapy. But you would too, if you had to go places, sit normally and pretend that people haven’t seen you naked.)
I meeting lots of Wunna fans today on my travels and it’s wonderful. Oh and i’ll have you know, that every single person that has stopped me today for a picture…has been FEMALE. (Who’d a thought!?!)
I had stuff to say, but now i can’t remember it?
This is why being old sucks. You really CAN’T have wine and remember things, when you’re old. It steals your memories forever. Trying to think, is like a slow motion hurdle today. My eyes aren’t even working either!
Happy Valentines Days!
I hope you have a good one. Even if you’re by yourself. This is the first Valentines in ages, where i’m not actually single. So, I reckon i’ve done well. In fact, I know i’ve done well. He even agrees…that I’ve done well. Haha.
Me: ‘I did good.’
D Bear: ‘You did REALLY GOOD! Haha.’
Everything’s lovely. I’m smashing work. I’m so excited to head to Surrey tomorrow. Life is wonderful and let’s just say, it kinda feels like Wunna land is finally making it’s mark.
I guess i had to find my niche and stick to it….That’s what I decided to do, yeah? It’s worked…
If ‘sexy’ is my thang then sexy is my thang. I’m loving it…and it’s paying a pretty penny, so i’m happy. It’s like turning tuppence into proper dollar….kinda literally.
If you’re single this Valentines and it’s bothering you, don’t be bothered. I’ve had THE BEST TIMES during single Valentines days. Throw a party for one, but whatever you do, DO NOT WATCH ANY LOVEY DOVEY MOVIES.
I once spent Valentines CRYING MY EYES OUT, (Hahaha,) because I decided to watch ‘The Notebook’ alone.
Just purchase a rabbit, a takeaway and drink.
Keeps you out of trouble…keeps ya belly full.
Theo: ‘I’m still not over that time in LA, you cried over an actual penis. Haha’
Love is in the air in Wunna Land and i’m feeling pretty smitten. I kinda don’t want to tell me that, but if he reads this…then he’ll know.
He’ll not be smitten yet, will he? It’s always us girls who go full steam ahead in the love department. Haha.
I know this is short. But i really do have to go. My Mum’s waiting for me at Taco Bell… (lol OH the Glamour) and she’ll be grumpy and Asian if a burrito doesn’t hit her lips in approximately 12 minutes.
Catch ya later.
Subscribe to all my stuff….It will make Valentines day much better, if you’re a single guy and alone. Haha.
I know! I know! It’s been ages, but i’ve been so so busy. It’s been delightfully nuts! I’m really happy. I’m working really hard. I’m loving every minute. I’m doing everything right, for once and i’m feeling really good. I’m brimming over with this juicy little ‘peek’ of confidence…that everyone seems to try and knock down? (But only on occasion…It’s nothing that I can’t handle.)
The Wunna babies are at the happiest they’ve ever been. I’m so proud of them. They’re smashing school. They’re cutest lil’ things. They’re giggling for no reason. They’re blooming into the most wonderful humans alive…and it fills my soul with joy. (To say that they have ‘Daddy drama’ going on…They’re handling it like absolute champs. Nothing phases them. They’re The Wunna Babies.)
But away from that….Life is actually wonderful. I’ve been filming. I’ve been shooting. I’ve been travelling. Opportunity is knocking on every glittery piece of the Wunna Land door and I can’t even believe how lucky I am.
2019, has really cut me some slack.
I’m the happiest i’ve ever been…and i’m not even worried about being happy now. Usually, i’d be cautious…like something bad was about to be frisbeed my way. Yet now…I’m just going with the fact that things are wonderful.
I’ve met some really great people over the last couple weeks. I’ve been on an adventure…I can’t tell you anything about it. But i’ll tell you that they’ve touched my heart…I’ll also tell you that there are some really judgmental people out there. It disappointed me. I seriously thought we were in a world, where people were more open minded. I guess not. I guess the world will never be like that?
But, you’ll get to watch it all, very soon.
Thank you for all your messages. I seem to be accidentally inspiring people and it makes me feel so good. Makes my heart swell.
It kinda makes me feel alive. Everyone needs to feel a sense of worth, don’t they? When you feel like you have a purpose…you feel mighty…
I started my Only Fans & Admire Me subscription accounts. It’s going really well…So if you’re into all that (and you know what i’m talking about… Go ahead and SUBSCRIBE.)
I also now have a Cameo account…Where you can order a Video Message from me…for yourself or as a fun a gift idea.
All the links are all over my ‘socials,’ so please do have a tinker.
This week i’ve learnt that It’s really important in life that you do not let the judgments of others rule your world. I’m getting a lot of love and ofcourse I like that. It means i’m doing my job well. However, it seems the more popular I become…the more bad things people have to say? But it’s good because it tests my self esteem and it makes me reflect, refuel and become stronger. It motivates me.
I mean yesterday my Insta received sooo much love. But on Facebook i received soooo much hate. Everyone was going on about how I was a man, a ladyboy…and I get that it’s banter. I’m not emotionally frail. I can shrug that off and laugh.
However, it was pointed out to me, by a few magazines that I’m an advocate for. I represent them when it comes to the prevention of online bullying…that what was being said, was actually NOT OKAY and that it was not only abusive, yet it was also racist.
So, yes, just because i’ve learnt to laugh things off…I’ve realised that I shouldn’t. I don’t care if people call me a ‘Ladyboy’ because I know i’m a real life girl. I didn’t magic kids out of a pretend vagina.
HOWEVER, HOW WRONG is it to firstly assume that because i’m a ‘sexy’ asian girl, I must be a man.
Secondly…HOW disgusting is it to use the term ‘Ladyboy’ in a derogatory manner…like it is something that people should be disgusted at!
So on every level, I take the ‘laughing it off’ back. It’s not okay! Everyone got reported and were then rightly banned from a group.
It’s getting to the point now, that if a don’t respond to a guy’s comment online, they begin to fill with this weird hate…like they reall all rejected. Then they start sending me really awful messages.
But that’s not what I want to focus on. I want to focus on the fact that everything’s actually going so so well.
I’m smashing work. This is a really great time for me.
My love life is wonderful. I’m with the most beautiful human. He makes me smile. I’m really really happy. I tell him everyday.
I’m a family girl and my babies are all good.
2019…is my year. I can feel it in my little kitty bones….
It’s literally the happiest time, right now. Even the bad bits are sponged over with ‘ah wells’ and ‘who cares,’ because the happy parts are so filed with joy that they are over shining and over powering any of the ‘h’jeebies.’
I’m lucky..and I know I always say that. But this is the first time in a long time, I ACTUALLY feel lucky, because my heart is at peace.
Good things happen to
good people. Good people find each other in the end, right?
I’ve always had faith
But I will say that this is the first time in my life, that i’m actually going to ‘THANK’ Cupid. (The little geezer in a diaper, did good.)
He shot his arrow and aimed pretty well.
And yeah everyone’s asking away and acting a little alarmed,
a little ‘who, what where?’ But
that’s because I haven’t told anyone about anything, because I didn’t need to…and
that’s probably why it’s going so well. (If I did, everyone would just jump on
board and start judging with ferocious ‘think
they know everything’ drama sticks. Sticks are always dodgy.)
On the whole, I don’t like judgey people because i’m someone who is ALWAYS judged, by those who do not know me personally. I’ve even had people USE the fact, that they’d KNOW i’d be wrongly judged…to make themselves look ‘squeaky clean.’ (That kinda hurts my feelings.)
But the main reason why I dislike it, is because i’m pretty
well mannered, meaning I would never EVER judge someone else. I’m winning the
war right now and i’m really grateful for all the love you’re sending my way.
Especially because i’ve been fighting for the rights of other people, in conjunction
with both Glamour Magazine AND Hello
Magazine. (I love their ‘Hello to Kindness’ campaign. It’s such a beautiful
Anyway, on the relationship front…I’m really happy. He’s a beautiful human. He’s kind. He’s respectful. He’s supportive. He’s loving. He’s smart. He’s sexy. But he’s certainly not a pushover.
It’s all pure, real and magical…and i’m loving it.
I’m filled to the brim with a giddy excitement and a gentle sway of ‘ooh laa,’ as life has just come together. Away from my love life, my babies Ruby & Junior, are beaming at their most confident, right now. Ruby is going from strength to strength emotionally & Junior is smashing school. (We’ve been going through a rocky climb with one of their fathers and it’s been really unpleasant. But they’re champions and I’m so proud of them.)
Ruby: ‘Mum. Thank you for always keeping us together. I love you.’
Me: ‘I haven’t done anything. I just supported you both and I’m so proud of you for standing by each other and for what you believe is right.’
My work life has kinda welcomed me back with the warmest open arms. I feel really lucky. I’m loving every single minute. I can’t even believe that i’m nearly 40 (well 38) and still getting my ‘pose on’ in a bikini. I’m grateful for the love. I’m grateful for every breath I take, without putting my back out. Haha.
Talking about the pics. The ones that my favourite Geordie photog @fleekfotography took..I just want to thank you ALL, for the mad ‘social’ love i’m receiving! He honestly smashed it. I mean, I don’t think another photographer has shot me as well, as Chris did, that day. My comments, my DM’s…my everything and above, have gone wild.
But he’s just so much fun and my new gay bestie. As soon as I strutted into The Briggate Boutique (which is the cutest, customised hotel, right by Call Lane…)
Me: ‘I’m in Room 8. I have a shoot there.’
Reception: ‘Oh sure! Go straight up.’
..and I peeked my head around the door, whilst looking up to him, over a sassy looking indoor fire escape… his cheeky little face, said it all. I knew we were going to shoot well. The room was filled with a cheery, wittiness…We just got on with it and shot, as I stood around half naked and he screwed things in giant lights.
Me: ‘OMG. You even have the cutest garden on your terrace.’
Chris: ‘Haha. I know. It’s funny.’
Me: ‘Wait. I need a wee…don’t listen.’
(I’m sat on the loo, by a saucily light shower cubicle, in my undies, singing at the top of my voice, so he couldn’t hear me wee…as he set up the next shot. Haha.)
You know you’ve shot well, when you’ve taken more pictures than you thought? (‘We’ve literally done hundreds more!!!) Then just like that, after we’d both done our jobs…We got changed, got sorted and just assumed the other person was obviously now going cocktail. (Haha.)
We didn’t even mention it, we just sort of started walking out the hotel together and towards 2 for 1 Cocktails, at The Slug & Lettuce, next door to Ginos. Within 10 mins, we had Porn Star Martinis and Long Island Iced Teas…in each hand, like we’d been sat there all night.
Then Brad (@brad_quinnn ) showed up, with tattoos on his face, a shirt that read ‘Cross my heart and hope to die,’ after a gym work out, getting lost and an Epsom salt bath.
Brad: ‘Feel me. I’m dry as fuck.’
Me: ‘I don’t want to feel ya!’
Chris: ‘He says he’s here. But he’s not…cos we’re here??’
Me: ‘Shall we find him?’
Brad: ‘No more than 2mls. I’m telling ya.’
Me: ‘Just because you’re fit now…doesn’t mean you should be a…’
He found us. He was shooting next. But we kinda had an
accidental cocktail interlude before that shoot. We pretty much persuaded him
Brad: ‘You can force me to buy a drink then neither of you want one!!!’
Chris: ‘I’ll have a vodka coke.’
Then after banter, (‘I love how you started giving Brad relationship tips over cocktails.) We pretty much started talks about sex, life, dates, love, lip fillers, blow jobs, Geordie shore, photoshoots, Sam Reece and messages to friends, during ‘I wasn’t ready’ pics.
Life was great! I might have swore a little more than
necessary. But, I was in safe company. I loved the boys. However, Mama Wunna,
had to round the troops up and get them on their way, as I tinkered back on the
train home and hugged them both a ‘merry shoot.’
The pics from that day were INSANE…and it’s because we all got on so well. Success is never just based on what you do, or what you achieve…as the best result come from the relationships you make along the way.
I sound like Buddha!
Godda Go. (I’m actually filming right now and they’ve let me have fifteen mins out, to quickly write this to post.)
Hi, my gorgeous treats of tinkle. I’m happy as can be. I feel like i’m doing everything right for once? Life is serving up a fair set of cards. I feel alive. I feel loved. I feel lucky. And although things aren’t always that easy. I feel like i’m headed down a more welcoming path.
I’m back on Northern soil. I’ve had the busiest last week..and I MEAN the busiest!!
It’s been filled with photo shoots, meetings, new people, old people, cocktails, train journies, life, love, film cameras, hotels, cities and work.
I’ve tinkered to Leeds, shimmied to Newcastle, waved my magic wand all over Yorkshire, swanned over to Cobham, Surrey, stopped off for scripts in London, returned to Doncaster to give The Wunna Babies everything they wished for and then at the crack of dawn shot back down to London, to film a little something with the BBC.
It’s been the best time ever. This is me.
I’ve managed to have a lot of fun in between. I’ve worked hard. But that’s what I do. That’s who I am. I enjoy my job and I feel like the luckiest little kitten in the world. Work makes me feel alive. (Like I have a purpose.) The babies make me feel ‘whole.’ (Like I have a purpose.) The ‘fun bits’ make it all worthwhile. It keeps the ‘sizzle’ juicy. 😉 (Almost like I have a purpose.)
If you could see in my head, you would literally die of shock…or maybe be a bit a little ‘moist.’ Haha.
But i’m grateful and I’m thankful, that i’m still here, doing my do…with my head held high and a warmth in my heart that glows.
Right, I’ve got so much to tell you that i’m not even gonna begin it until tomorrow. (I’m back now, I can blog.)
I did shoots and cocktails with Chris @fleekfotography in Leeds, the other day. He actually shot the above pics, and it’s INSANE. He’s gay, he’s Geordie, he’s now my personal photographer and we is ‘BOUJI.’
Let me tell you, his work is he’s phenomenal. When you shoot, you need a connection with your photographer. They need to understand you and you need to trust their creativeness.
Both Chris and I northern, so our banter is on point…Alongside the ‘snippy snaps’ it’s all belly laughs, ‘wish we had wine’ and ‘Geordie/Yorkshire ‘hoo haas.’
It was actually really good fun, having a gay glamour photog. We did cocktails afterwards, because obviously it’s essential.
Me: ‘I can’t believe you’ve already finished ya drink!’
Chris: ‘Ya with a Geordie now. I can handle my drink. Haha.’
But i’m gonna go back to this story, on the next blog because there’s lots more to it…and a guest….But please scroll ya eyes back up to my pic…WE smashed it! I love the shot. Any guy, be he gay or straight, you can make me feel beautiful, deserves cocktails.
So, I travelled down to Surrey and stayed at The Woodlands
Park Hotel. I felt really lucky. The place is utterly peaceful, yet grand. It
oozes an old school charm, filled with warm fire places, drawing rooms and chandeliers. It was beautiful and the staff were a dream.
The service was impeccable and i’m so grateful because it was the loveliest
From rose wines, double espressos, snapchat chitter, new beginnings, love, laughter, truths, no judgement, tales, life and learning….it was wonderful.
Life felt really real. I was happy. It was simple. It was peaceful, but it was exciting. I made secret memories, that no one will ever really know about…and they’re memories that i’ll treasure and maybe giggle about some day.
There were times where I was nervous. Times when I felt enthralled. Times where I felt sexy, inspired…and split my sides with laughter. But most of all…times that just felt right.
There were moments alone, moments of togetherness. Moments with wine around a raging fire. There were times where I enjoyed chilling in my bubble and just walking around in my undies. . whilst swearing, laughing, catching up with old friends and getting to know new souls.
I’m someone who knows what I want. I’m very clear when it comes to that. I don’t always get what I want. But most of the time I try to. Haha.
All i do know is that….
Everything that’s meant to be will always find it’s way to
But yes, i’m gonna try and get through all my shenanigans over the next few blogs. But know that i’m back to blogging.
Thank you for all the love on my socials. I couldn’t adore you anymore. Thank you.
Right now my life feels like a dream. I guess, i’m the luckiest girl in the world.
Anyway, i’ve got to go…I have a meeting. (There’s a middle aged gentleman sat across from me and he’s in tears. ;( It’s always really hard to see someone trying to get on with their own version of life…when it’s maybe a little tricky.)
It’s the tricky parts that make us who we are. The best bits. The bits that create us. That turn us into life soldiers.
Do the things that make you happy. Feel free. love hard. Cry if you need to. Laugh whenever you can.