My Toyboy Table

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So much has happened, that I don’t even know where to begin? I’ve tried to write this blog, every day since Friday and I just couldn’t find the right ‘pucker’ to ‘smooch‘ it. I’ve been distracting myself NO END and I don’t even really know why? I have a lot to say, but it’s all just twirling through my head. Maybe it’s because I had the shittest last week EVER. Just filled with stress and drama.

Yet, before I get to that, I’ll tell you that i’ve had a lot of fun. Being a lifestyle blogger, in order to ‘diary’ out daily and then spread the word like through ‘the streets,‘ you kinda have to commit to moments, where you just *slam* shut your laptop, push away from your desk and go out there and just do some LIVING.

And the best way to live, is to learn everything the hard way. 😉 That was my motto through the whole of my years in LA.

But let me take you back to last week. When I hit ‘FRINALLY’ I thanked the Lord and collapsed with glee. This is what I wrote…Yet didn’t bother posting..

‘This week has been absolutely shocking. Life has kicked me in the ‘knackers’ for five straight, days in a row and all I can even THINK TO DO, is blame it on the weather. It’s been one stress, after another and dramas like no other. My ‘mojo’s’ on point, because being single, & waiting for the RIGHT guy, causes the boys to ‘fast chase’ forward, be they armed with genuine love hearts or lusty ‘pork sticks.’ They’re coming at me….It’s always the way though isn’t it? When you’re feeling all needy, you can’t find a ‘hero’ anywhere. When you shrug love off with a *wiggle,* your yard is filled with ‘milkshake’ thirsty suitors. I like it though. I feel pretty lucky.’

Then I thought ‘BALLS’ to all the drama’s and the stress. The heat can make you dramatic, to the point where you need to ‘Rupologize‘ to yo’ self. I needed a release. So after enjoying really warm family evenings, sunshine lunches, my brother’s ‘dim sum’ birthday and just having the best time loving Ruby & Junior, as we water bombed each other in gardens, cart wheeled, sunbathed and picnicked….I slipped on some shorts and tinkered by way to The Carleton, for drinks, football and casual good times.

I’m gonna try and skim the next couple of days for you.. It all started with a ‘beckon’ and an invitation from my guy friend J.D, to Little Sam Moore to come sit at our table.

I started the night, in a quiet out of the way ‘Power Table’ (lol) and ended the evening having to rename the table my..

TOYBOY Table.

(Even my own friends were messaging me and asking me why I was sat at a table full of young, young, 12 year old boys. Lol Like I said, I AM THE PIED PIPER OF TOYBOY TOWN. I can’t help it. They twinkle into Wunna Land like i’ve got….*fill in the blank.*)

Toyboy’s came out of everywhere? They swung through trees and landed on my benchs. They crawled up from under rocks with pints of Amstel. Some even probably sailed there on toy boats?

I don’t even know what happened?

It started off with ONE…and that was little Sam Moore (who always does the best ‘Ladyboy’ pictures with me, for snapchat views, kicks and Insta like merriment. I like Sam, because he’s always so sweet. I used to work with him and his sisters..So it’s great to have a drink with through the week with him) ..Then TWO…..Another THREE arrived at the table. FOUR, FIVE, SIX showed up, out of the woodworks. They made phone calls. Once must have nudged another. Then another few arrived. Toyboy NINE. TEN…TWENTY. They were everywhere….It was delightful.

A really fun night of football, drinking, and silliness. I mean, The Toyboys excelled themselves. They were ‘breaking banjo strings,‘ talking Paris Hilton, sexting each other, getting read for Lad’s holidays, flirting with ‘chicas,’ making bets with with hope, downing pitchers, passing driving tests, vaping all vapes, telling tales, being tall and just LIVING, their version of their time here on this Earth Ball.

There was one named ‘Ollie’ who I actually bumped into the next evening also. He’s so much fun. My friends and I had awesome next day drinks with Ollie, his brother and cousin..and it was just sooo chilled, even though we did watch people ‘necking off’ with each other to  delightful Northern Soul tracks.

I feel like i’m at a wedding?

Is she in pants?

The evening before Ollie had downed a pitcher of lager (he’s a showman, he gets lost in the moment of fun.) After his show piece, he then tried to make a business deal with me, where he would get his willy out for money and I could take an 80 percent cut of all dollar made. Haha.

THEN he uninvited people to Paris Hilton’s party, explained the workings of his private parts, and claimed his brother punched him in the face (lol.)

They were all great…and yeah I may have got ‘hit’ on a little. Yet I liked it. Haha. I have noticed that when guys are young, they either go for it ‘all guns blazing‘ or shy away, in fear of looking foolish. There’s not grey area. When boys grow…(that sounds wrong)..When they turn to ‘man,’ after having their heart broken, a good few more times, there’s always the issue of ‘grey.’ (And not the good kind that flies with ‘Christian.’)

‘Chrissie, you need to be checking their ID’s! He looks 12. Lol.’

The toyboys ventured into town to play MORE drinking and hitting on girls their own age. My table turned civilized, as I drank Peroni’s with KatyP,  (Did you know that if you drink a pint of Peroni, with a pint of Strongbow, you have a ‘Perongo,’) Sheffield Greg, Ginger Brad, J.D…everyone else who just knocked off shift.

Wait was that another night? I think I had a couple more, got tired and then got driven home?

In fact, I think I’ve merged TWO nights into one. Same faces different evenings…

Oh yeah, because the next evening, the boys took great pleasure in picking up my phone, going through my messenger and replying to some of my DM’s….AS ME!

To be continued. It’s sunny…I need a drink.

ps/ I’ve ended up with a bag full of sunglasses. No clue how i’ve accumulated so many pairs, as only one pair of them re mine and I now have hundreds.

 

 

 

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