As soon as I walked into Kuckoo, Sheffield, I felt sexy. It feels sexy. The entire place is ‘red lit’ and oozes a devilishly inviting warmth. I guess, I’d describe it as mischievously glamourous. Plus, every human in Sheffield, mid totter had stopped me and told me that ‘the cocktails there are really great.’
Luckily, and because I am Wunna Land.. 😉 I had a freshly shaken, BEAUTIFUL cocktail waiting for me, it looked so fresh it glistened, yet of substance tasted divine. (Do note/ I hate shit tasting cocktails, because it’s almost like meeting a really REALLY pretty girl, but she has a personality of a fallen asleep donkey.)
This cocktail (and your first one has to be a strong one,) was DELIGHTFUL and well let’s face it pretty much saved a kitten’s life. I did notice that ‘AG‘ (who’s just a good friend of mine, before you all get excited) had had it prepared, but had already downed two cocktails previous…Haha. To me, that means he was scared to see me, or simply stressed the fuck out.
He went with ‘stressed’…I went with ‘scared’…and after greetings, banter and a quick ‘AG’ catch up, (he’s in uni for engineering) the cosy red lighting and absolute *buzz* that swirled around the bar, must have got the better of me…better of us.
We then proceeded to drink almost every cocktail on the menu. I did this before at Relish in Doncaster and ended up trashed.
And you know you’re an idiot, alcoholic or just plain old fun, when you literally make up ridiculous excuses as why we should have another…
AG: ‘Shall I tell them you want the Eastern Promise, just cos it’s Oriental like you…. They’ll bring it over…?’
[See what I mean…]
Me: ‘Yeah, just whatever. I love that I’m now drinking drinks to match my flipping ethnicity! Then I want a beer tasting one after because i’m dehydrated and want a BIG drink.’
I know…no sense. But at the time, 3 cocktails in, whilst wiggling about in my orange dress, immersed in red lighting…it ALL made really great sense.
Then I don’t know what happened…Shit just got wild. The music got louder, the bar started slowly filling up with groups of excited Sheffield boys, the bartender called me cute…
Bartender: ‘You look great. Who have you come with?’
Me: ‘A friend…that one over there..’
Bartender: ‘Well, you’ve come to the right place.’ *Wink.*
[That’s a sexy little old thing to say, innit! It was like a glammy Coyote Ugly, but with guys.]
..and within what felt like moments….the place LIT WITH EXCITEMENT and the crowd went BONKERS!
Y’know, the good thing about Sheffield is that everyone out there is really down to earth, aren’t they? So they’ll all go out, not care and have a great time….with anyone. It’s not a ‘drama‘ city. It’s fun. They’re laid back.
It went NUTS. I had a better time that Sunday night, than anyone on EARTH!
Cocktails were dashing, the bartenders were stood on the bar, with live fire and singing at the top of their voices, like nothing else in the entire world mattered at that point. The crowd where mad, but radiated a madness that could only be labelled as..
‘HAPPINESS.’ (Hard thing to find right?’)
I noticed that, when I scanned the room….there were so many people, from all walks of life, just LIVING…They were singing and dancing and beaming with strangers. They had no care in the world…I loved it. It was the best night EVER.
And well I…so happened to bring in a crowd. 😉 Boys in Sheffield, love boobs!!!
Now, we all know that I adore, a good time so after dancing about in my booth, I decided to go through the crowds and meet everyone. I do it all the time and apparently I shouldn’t?
AG was dancing in the middle of the floor by now, about 12 cocktails in, half on his knees, like the merriest dude in the city, so I figured he was fine…Lol. He loved being on my Insta story and I can’t at all remember what conversations we had, because we both surrendered to good times. I know his birthday is bonfire night, he comes from a family of policemen, loves being up north, because he’s from Croydon and he’s stressed with Uni.
AG: ‘D’ya know what album cover that is?’
Me: ‘Do I look as though I know?’
It felt like adventure. And I’m so glad I tinkered out into the crowd, because I literally met everyone! Yet, I don’t know if I was blind, or what, because like I said earlier…. I was surrounded by dudes? It was GUYS, GUYS… EVERYWHERE, GUYS?? I felt like I was on the BEST STAG DO IN THE WORLD and I love a Stag Do.
(I’ve always said, if I ever get married again…I would only ever have a stag do. So much more fun than a Hen do. I mean, who wants to drink out of penis straws, moan about boys and plait hair.)
AG: ‘No..It’s just crowds of guys around YOU everywhere. There ARE girls here. Lol What did that bartender say to you?’
It was magic and the entire bar partied the night away MADLY, almost like the were ‘besties’ lol…and in a swirl of sexy red lighting. It was pretty much Heaven…Well if Heaven was as fun as Hell. I could go there EVERY NIGHT. I wanted to do it again at 9am the next morning! People were so happy there that night, that it was almost like an addiction.
[Life note: People are addicted to happy people and places.]
I drank my body weight in cocktail. I lost my voice. I might not have been able to see at one point. I filmed everything. I danced until my heels hurt. The staff in that place couldn’t have been more gracious. They were wild and fun, yet I looked after me, like I was a Queen.
The atmosphere was dripping with a delicious, wild escapism. Everyone around me, was ALIVE. They were BEAMING. It was such a fun night!
I can’t even describe how great my night was.
AG walked me back to my hotel, just so I didn’t get accosted by strangers. I like a gentleman. All my guy friends are gentleman. Usually when guys offer to ‘walk you back’ they always try to get their ‘end away,’ don’t they? It’s like they want a treat for ‘being a gentleman.’ Haha. No such luck. You’ll know if I want to sleep with you, because i’ll just tell you. But i’ll only green light it once…then leave the chase to the gent….
Then as the automatic lobby doors, close up on him… with a..
I was immediately immersed back at The Novotel, which was filled with absolute peace. All sound shut down, other than the sound of the calmness of the pool.
All by myself, I walked back up to my suite, took off all my clothes and just tumbled into bed with one big ‘yeehaa’ roll.
Life was great! I woke up the next morning, naked at The Novotel in Sheffield…a phone interview in an hour and literally no voice to even speak.
I smashed my interview, was ready to go to my next spot, then got caught by ‘Stalker Bruce,’ who (if you don’t know) is a professional ‘celebrity stalker.’ He finds where you are, catches you and makes you do a million endorsement messages, for his clients. Lol. He’s caught Russell Brand, Robbie Savage..Loads of people…He & his wife ‘Sally’ found me, ..so Fuck it, my next stop was Ego, Sheffield and well they came along also.
It actually made me feel so happy, to have made two people ‘beam.’ They seemed really grateful that I was even sat there with them and I find that odd, because we’re all just human. Yet at the same time, my heart filled with love for them, as they couldn’t lovelier peoples.
More cocktails, more drinking, more banter. I was actually hungover, but loving life. They walked me back to the train station, because by then, we’d all had enough. I was like..
‘Get me out of the city!’
That’s when I got on my train at Sheffield, fell asleep, missed my stop and ended up in fucking Newcastle.
I had work the next morning in Leeds…so I had to get my sorry arse back home…and arrived safely, in 42 pieces lol…at around 1.27am.