‘Why are you getting changed whilst we’re walking? You look straggly.’
‘I’m using time wisely. Lol. Keep walking. Why is everything stressy? I’m taking my arms out the dress, to even out my tan!! Where is this place? We’ve got 12 minutes to get there…’
Sassy Latina Marissa has spent her morning keeping me on time, as I venture from place to place convincing folk that Wunna Land, is the place to be! I’m SO stressed, I could explode into glitter fire. It’s one of THOSE days, where you need to look great, but look 2nd rate, where to need to be on time, but you’re running a step too late. If i want to get changed on the street, mid strut…
I FLIPPIN’ WILL.
Watch me now….
(And now i’m getting whatsapp’s from the School Mum’s group, because of a ‘Big String thing’ that I didn’t know was happening? Lol )
If you see me today, at any point feel free to just come up and KICK ME. I’ll probably like you more if you bring me booze, but if you don’t, a kick is just fine.
I NEED TO PULL MYSELF TOGETHER.
But before I get into today…let me take you back to Tuesday, where life felt so much easier…
(I hate that i’ve run out of foundation. Remind me to get some.)
Right, so Tuesday was about a magical mystery tour and after errand, on top of errand, Golfer Jonny and KatyP picked my sorry (but glammy) arse up from Ego, in Ackworth, celebrated life with a ‘shall we just grab a quick drink’ and after that little ‘swifty,’ we then *swoosh* our way to The Carlton to pick ‘Ginger Brad’ up. (He works with KatyP.)
I get on with ‘Ginger Brad.’ I find him really funny. But ‘Ginger Brad‘ doesn’t want me to call him ‘Ginger Brad’ because he thinks Wunna Land is all about his little Gingery self.
‘You can’t make Asian girl jokes, when ya Ginger… We’re meant to be a team. We’re the minorities. Lol.’
Basically, he has a mini Ginger beard…and I think referring to him as ‘Ginger Brad‘ is quite appropriate. Do you? Thought so..
We found him at the bar…
‘As if you’re late, because you picked the ******* queen up… I nearly walked there…’
..then in the sun, we enjoyed another swift drink, around shirtless men, in diggers. Before leaving to our next ‘magical’ stop…The Rustics…Lol…I like to go there at times, because I find it peaceful. Plus, we just didn’t fancy any Tuesday afternoon drama. (And drama tends to follow me these days, like…I dunno? Toyboys? 🙂 I’m like the Pied Piper of the Toyboy Town.)
At this point, everything felt so sensible. It felt warm and pleasant, like a delicious cherry pie. I hadn’t posted all day. We’re finding the right kinda of shade, the suns out, we’re discussing swear words, relationships, we’re making polite pleasant banter about dumplings, business plans, footballing brothers, bedroom olympics, how orgasms cure ankles and the beautiful art of ‘fisting.’ Sun scream is squirted. My sunglasses are fixed. Then Golfer Jonny and KatyP, get all cuddly by juicy pints of Carling…
THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED….?
I guess, I can say, we just hit the top of the happiest slippery slope in all of the land…Disney couldn’t have created a better ride.
JUST LIKE THAT! BOOM! I film my first Insta Story of the day (no one’s shy about it now, so it makes everything easier) and with a..
(…as as the ‘life volume‘ turns itself up to 10…)
…Kate and I found ourselves shoulder rolling and singing to The Backstreet boys, decorated in Snapchat filters and as ‘Ginger Brad’ fiddled with Golfer Jonny’s buttons.
Brad: ‘I hit the wrong thing, but it kinda worked out.’
[Hit Play. Sing Along.]
Ginger Brad’s the new bantery edition to ‘Team Beer’ (which has been created by ‘KatyP’ and the name of our little Whatsapp group.) ‘The Ginge’ has stepped in with full force. But he’s fun and I like fun…and he’s having a ‘Golfer Jonny’ bromance. So ‘Team Beer’ it is!
Wahey! Let’s play!
Backstreet Boy shoulder rolls. Followed by Aerosmith love songs. We’re happy drunks, so we’ll have a tipple or 10 and commit to songs of romance. Kate and I have beautiful voices. If you put Aerosmith, a football match, Alvin & The Chipmunks, the XFactor bloopers and UTTER excitement (lol) into jiggly bag…YOU would have an idea of what our back seat performance was like.
I don’t know how we fitted it all in, because the ride was literally only around five minutes or so?
It got so intense that the boys started kissing each other lovingly…to this…
Well Golfer Jonny, went in for the kiss (it was a cheek peck before you all start) and ‘Ginger Brad’ tried to style it out, because he’s such a lady. Lol
We’re not all sat in a car park, INSIDE A STATIONARY VEHICLE, with people glaring in from other cars. We have a love song are playing on full blast…We’re SINGING AT THE TOP OF OUR GODDAMN VOICES. The boys are cuddling and shit….Kate & I are pissing ourselves, as i’m filming it all for my Insta story.
Then all of a sudden I snapped out of it…looked around, hit my mental *pause* button, and as I flung my car door open, with a giggle…I moved us along with a…
‘Right, i’ve had enough of this now…’
The rest of the afternoon was enjoyed in the sunshine. We chatted life. We committed to laughter. We tippled and tinkered like the world was our oyster. (I can’t even remember what we were talking about? But at the time it seemed really interesting? Lol)
Then Kate switched our drink to wine…and I don’t know what happened exactly, I just know that ‘Golfer Jonny’ brought up a story…Which turned into tears, mini bickers, daggers, hand holding and all sorts of that good stuff.
I mean as if Kate and I were sat at a table crying. Haha. You know it’s a good time when that happens.
So, a situation was brought up…(one of those situations that you only bring up when you’re drunk.) We all get on really well, but we’re all really different. We all have different opinions on this particular subject…(haha, sorry, i can’t type because i’m finding it too funny..as if we cried.) We’re all really good at VOICING our opinions, standing our ground and then panicking when it goes tits up. We’re all trying to get our point across…
So, I’m shouting at Kate, then cuddling her. Then 3 minutes later, i’m shouting at her again, then cuddling her. Brad’s eating Nachos and watching the show, whilst ‘hand holding.’ Golfer Jonny’s accidentally saying all the wrong things, at all the right times. Kate’s shouting at me, because I make everything about ME. (Which is true.) The boys are panicking. Kate and I are now cuddling and crying. Jonny’s disappeared at some point and returned with a bottle of wine in his hand…
(It was great because in this moment, I saw how each one of us tries to solve a solution…)
Jonny went with ‘buy Kate wine.’ I went with say my piece, cry and cuddle. To be honest, Jonny & I were really rubbish at consoling her. Haha. He thought changing tables would make it better and it did, because it got us out the way.
So we tinker off and sit on the table next to us, as Nacho eating Brad, actually went in as the ultimate problem solver and CALMED the ENTIRE situation down, with some deep ass, LIFE TALK.
(Haha, sorry i’ve made ‘deep ass‘ sound like he did something completely different. HAHAHAHA. I should’ve said ‘heart felt.’)
And just like that they come and sit at the new table. Sanity is restored. We’re all tipsy, exhausted but happy….We all blamed the sun. Kate and Jonny tinker home. I get picked up and hit the sack. Brad walks home and drinks and entire bottle of Baileys. 🙂
The following day, we created ‘Team Beer’ and just quietly sat at a corner table, with the occasional glass of water, glaring at each other like wounded soldiers, laughing about the day before, yet sitting quietly as men roamed around us on diggers.
I’m kinda looking forward to the END of Summer. Lol. When do we get to do ‘jumpers & dumplings’ and not turn *wackadoo* because we’ve had a wine in the sun?
I can’t cope with Summer 2018. It’s too much ‘good time‘ for me to handle. You can’t put great friends, heatwaves, football, Love Island and all day beer gardens into ONE LITTLE SUMMER and survive it unscathed.