Empires, Kitty Leeds & Totally Rubbish Baskets

‘You always have the strangest basket…’

‘I know! I’m useless. I hate a big shop….How much?’

That’s what the lovely cashier said to me at The Co Op after I purchased a bottle of prosecco and a bag of kitty litter. (Not for myself, but for baby kitten Rocco. 😉 I could never poo in an actual tray, as obviously that would be somewhat unbecoming. J )

I used to really hate supermarket shopping. But now I quite like it. It’s growing on me. Yet, I can only saunter in and buy a couple of things at a time..OH and I don’t enjoy the cold isles. However, do know that these ‘couple of things’ are delivered to the cashier in the most uncanny combinations…to the point where she has noticed my randomness and needs to tell me to get help. 🙂

Here are some Wunna Land supermarket combinations….a bottle of Bailey’s and All Night Tampons..Goats Cheese and Bob The Builders Magazine....a BAG OF CELERY and Tweezers.

It works for me! I need to have the patience to commit to a ‘big shop.’

Anyway, how are you all! I’ve lunched today. I was meant to have a coffee meeting earlier this morning..I got up, ready, dressed and drove there and they didn’t show up and couldn’t even be arsed to tell me.


I did actually see ‘Hustle Barbie’ en route…(Who keeps trying to steal my girl crush ‘Ellen Degeneres’ …because she’s a vegan. GET YOUR OWN VEGAN CRUSH…LIKE…. THAT CHICK I SAW ON YOUR FACEBOOK WALL CUDDLING A COW…OR WAS IT A DONKEY? 😉 )

Anyway…I didn’t have time to say ‘Hey’ simply because I had to show up for my meeting….that didn’t bother to show up.

How annoying!

Me: ‘Hi. I’ve just seen you…but walked right passed..’

Hustle: ‘Oh cheers! Thanks for popping in!’

But anyway, I shook it off and tinkered to Doncaster to do lunch with The Wunna’s. Plus, I needed a bit of a shop afterward. I ADORE A GOOD SHOP AROUND, when it comes to all girly necessities.

My Mum had a rough morning, so she needed some ‘first born’ love. When she told me the story, of what she went through today,  I was FUMING because even though I’m a fun loving ‘Sasserilla,’ I’m SO LOYAL to the people that I care about…

SO LOYAL, that I’ll not have ANYONE firstly try to cause ‘drama’ where drama isn’t due and secondly….’have a go‘ at someone that I care about.

‘Get your finger out of her face…’

We ate and drank loads. Like ya do. Totally made us feel better. I love my mum. Don’t mess with Wunna Land.


BUT OH MY GOSH! We need to stop everything because I need to find me some kinda crazy ass diet plan immediately, for 2018.

I was doing so well and being all veggie and losing weight left right and centre. I kinda felt ‘banging.’ I felt great. I had a glamour pussy, MILF strut.

Over the last week..I’ve eaten everything…probably even YOU. I’ve drank EVERYTHING…You’re share. I’ve indulged in foods that my body would never ever ALLOW…passed my ever so LYPSAL lips.

So yes…I now feel chubby…which is quite inappropriate to say that I have a  MILLION flipping PHOTOSHOOTS, where in which I AM TO POSE….with either NOTHING or hardly anything on!


FYI/ Thank you to all of you, who are engaging with my ‘socials.’ I love you for it. I appreciate it, deeply.

Lord knows what i’m gonna do, other than ‘wing it?’ But I quite fancy getting into shape right now. I love a diet. I love a bit of action. I hate it when everyone goes on about it because it’s the NEW YEAR. (Even though I’m rambling on about it now. 😉 Why does the New Year make us want to ‘all of sudden’ be skinny? )

I have no clue which diet, or who’s diet to follow??? But i’m sure after posting this…..some Diet Guru…will come a knocking on my glittery door, with a plan, an idea and a collaboration. (It’s how it all works now.)


Everything’s great. I’m actually feeling wonderful. Life is just brill right now. It’s delicious.

I’ve noticed that everyone’s getting geared up for 2018….You’re all posting ‘i’ve had a good year’ quotes and ‘i’ve learnt all these lessons’ quotes, on your feeds. 🙂

I’ll tell you, that I’m excited for times ahead, yet like I said, i’m staying in the present. What’s meant to be is meant to be. What’s yours… is yours. What’s not…is not.

All you have to do is *roll* the ball, down that grassy hill and with that little push, see what magic happens.

Do also know that you still have a whole entire DAY LEFT OF 2017. It’s not over yet. Anything can happen in an hour, let alone an entire day. So, don’t be washing away your sins until it’s time. 🙂

I’m a really lucky girl and i’m going through a really lucky time. I thank YOU for that.

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I thank anyone who’s given me a reason to write this year. You’ve made excellent content and been a great cast (as I like to say) throughout 2017. As people have read my life and if you have been included in this blog this year, they have also read about YOU AND YOURS….GLOBALLY.

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I’ve had the biggest hits of all time this year ( a quarter of a million monthly unique visits) and it’s all stemmed from the fine art of ‘diary writing.’ Something so simple that means so much to me. We’re still smashing every single continent of the world….it’s still being translated into 47 different languages daily and…the blogs age range has been SO wide this year, that it’s danced from SIXTEEN year olds… to those who are SIXTY FIVE years of age. Men AND Women.  Can you even believe it!??!!!

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I’ve kinda taken huge ‘baby steps’ this year, y’know stomped my stiletto firmly, into my patch of ‘cyber’ and you’ve listened. I haven’t been scared this year. I’ve gone for it. I’ve done everything I needed to do, to make changes, to just be happy. Both in love and work.

This year I worked hard…and the blogs beginning to make it’s mark…


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(Honestly, you don’t even know, how much I appreciate you reading this! I’m finally building an empire…)


I have everything crossed for 2018…You never know what’s going to happen…

But before that…like I said, WE HAVE A WHOLE ENTIRE DAY LEFT of 2017!!

Let’s make it a good one, eh!

Tomorrow morning at 10am…I will be visiting the MUCH TALKED ABOUT  …



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I’ll be there from 10am. (It’s now fully booked out!!)

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I’m taking Ruby and Junior..and we couldn’t be MORE EXCITED to drink exotic teas, sip a couple mocktails and enjoy lunch, as we stroke the resident kittens!!

Follow my Insta stories, Snapchat and Facebook tales….and you’ll get to see what we get up to, when we take on the Kitty Cafe!

All my love,

Chrissie x

Boxing Day, Prosecco Pops & Selfies

Goodness me! So much is going on! But i’m having a blast and feeling like the luckiest girl in the world…armed with a diary and maybe a bit of a wink.

 How you all doing? Good?

Well Christmas is now over. It was the most wonderful time of the year. But now let’s pack up the tree and get on with the last few days of 2017. (These last few days are like ‘no mans land’ where you have no clue what’s going on, what day it is, or how to wear anything other than pyjamas anymore? I don’t wear pyjamas…I just wear diamonds. 😉 )

I need to make sure I blog every day. I keep getting caught up in the art of ‘good times,’ that I forget that I’m actually a writer and the whole point is that I tell you the story…That’s the part that I adore the most!!  But whatever, i’ll get into the swing of it. I always do. It’s just been a crazy bit of time!

*Giggles..Hip Bump.*

So, i’ve been spending a lot of much needed time with Ruby & Junior. We’ve had the most amazing chunk of ‘family bonanza’ ever. I guess everyone has! We’ve laughed. We’ve cried. We’ve ‘all sorts.’ It’s been great! I might have pulled my hair out a few times! It’s a single mum’s way. J However, I always look for the love in their eyes. And there’s been a million moments, over the last two weeks where they’ve been so filled with utter glee, that the world has been their absolute oyster. Ruby’s now decided she’s a vegetarian and Junior likes my boobs.

Junior: Can I give you a massage?’

Me: ‘Yeah. That’s so sweet.’

Junior: ‘Good. I’ll start with your boobies.’

Me: ‘No…Junior…Lol.’

I’ve had my LAST 2017 blow out!

I met up with the girls, Fairytale Blond, Double B and Mel on Boxing day.

This was after I had bumped into one of my good friends Jenna at the bar in Ego. I don’t know what happened? But I’m waiting to buy my drink. I’m stood there with my card out and a smile. Jenna rocks up to wish me a ‘Hiya’ and a ‘Merry Boxing Day’ (as I was about to do late lunch with my Mum, Dad and Brother) and as we got chatting, a guy to our left.. in a flat cap stated he would’ve bought my drink for me…THEN the guy to the right of me…DID! I know? How bizarre? He just said I looked really ‘patient,’ and wanted to buy me my drink? I’m the luckiest little shit! Little ‘Patient face’ Me! 😉

Me: ‘How did that happen? What’s gone on?’

Jenna: ‘It’s just Wunna innit. It’s just you. He bought you a drink and then lovingly went back to his wife. Lol. I’m meeting up with Danielle later..’

After the loveliest dinner with my family…(I ate crazy carbs, I never eat crazy carbs,) I tinkered my little self to The Carleton to meet the girls, where we popped open Prosecco bottles, drank fruity  gin, shared *clinks* and told stories to each other that would burn your unholy ears, as fairy lights surrounded us and post Christmas bustle *busied* its way through the crowds.

I love the girls. They’re great. But as always…it got messy. They told me that we were DEFINITELY not going into town.


Fairytale: ‘We’re off into town!’

We ended up in town…and I hate going out around Pontefract! I always try and sneak off. Lol. But I didn’t, this time. I’m SO GLAD that I had those ‘earlier carbs.’ I did shots, like I was 20. (What am I even doing? I hate shooting anything. ;))

Drinks were guzzled. Dance floors were shimmied upon. Fairytale got brassy. (I love drunk Fairytale. She is the  most innocent one out of the group, but give that girl a prosecco and she is  SASSERILLA!  Mel might have fallen over on the dance floor in a beautiful beige faux fur…She kinda popped back up, with her hands in the air with an ..

‘I’m alright! I’m up. I’m alright!’

…and Double B, who was my Team Companion for the evening, kept trying to BEG ME to stay out to the crack of dawn, whilst telling me she loves me and squeezing into my loo.

Double B: ‘Staay out!’

Me: ‘NO. I’M 37. I’M GOING HOME!’

Double B: ‘Well if you’re going home. I’m going home!’

Me: ‘GOOD!!’

Double B: ‘I don’t wanna go home!! Staaaaaaay OUT!’


Anyway, we drank at the Green Dragon, we danced in The Malt Shovel…We ginned it up at Tap & Barrel…We even wiggled around the Barley Mow for a bit.

Me: ‘Why is everyone old in here?’

Double B: ‘You’re not even the oldest one! Guess how old she is?’

Me: ‘Why do you always play the Guess How Old I Am Game???’

We even bumped into one of my old friends Benny P. He’s straight, but like you’re ‘Gay Best Friend.’

Benny P: ‘I’ll go to Biggies, if you’re going..’

Me: ‘I’m not going….’

Benny P: ‘I’m off home then…’

Then Gary’s Mel called ‘Fairytale.’ Prince Jonathan…Fairytale’s Boyfriend, showed up at the pub, AFTER a call…and I looked down at my phone..ofcourse hours later… and Gangsta J (Double B’s boyfriend) had Facebook called ME!

You know you’re all in trouble when that happens. Lol

But it was such a great night. We all just had a final 2017 blow out

The taxi home cost a flipping BOMB and Double B made the executive decision to start pretend fights with everyone in the queue…before buying chips.

Me: ‘Stop shouting things at them…cos you’ll get away with it, but they’ll turn around and have a go AT ME! Lol!’


Earlier in the night, we had sang our personal rendition of the beautiful song..

‘Move Bitch Get Out The Way’

…on the patio at The Carleton, for the night stars to enjoy.

It really was a treat. There are certainly Grammy Awards in our future. I should’ve plonked a stiletto out on the floor in front of us, for tips.

We were lost in a world of girl!

Such a fun night.

HOWEVER NOW….that’s it. I’m done. Party season is OVER. The corks are back in the wine bottles.

*Cheeky Sip. Cheeky Sip. Wedges Cork BACK IN*

The tinsel has been bundled away until next time.

And being a kitten who DOES NOT DO ANYTHING for New Years Eve…(People are always astounded by that, as i’m obviously meant to be one to be waving the flag of ‘party’ like a hooligan in heels and diamonds.) But i’m not. I can’t be bothered.

If you are out…I KNOW that you’ll have an AMAZING TIME. It’ll be fun! Many moons ago, in LA, where I did my 20’s…I rolled into some New Year? I can’t remember which year I rolled into? But it was at 10am on Jan 1st, in a taxi, with my then roommate Justin, with some pornstar in the back, that he had found and utterly fancied. They did actually date for a while. (We were both even in sunglasses because it was SUCH A BRIGHT Hollywood morning. )

At that point, I decided that I would never EVER rock into a fresh new year…UNFRESH.

I don’t mind a few drinks at home with friends, or AT friends, or with family and spirit. I’m fun. I love celebrating.

But for me…the clock strikes twelve and I will sail freshly and peacefully into 2018, like some kind of  Oriental Goddess. (Something like that anyway? You get the picture!)

I’ve had a great year and i’m gonna take you back through it soon. I kinda like staying in the present, as you just don’t know what lies ahead and the past is just a chipper memory now. If you stay in the moment and enjoy it, you’ll always be happy. We still have a few days left of 2017. Don’t let life slip through your fingers. You’re a long time gone. Enjoy it!

Love! Live! Celebrate Being You! It’s the only thing you can do BETTER than anyone else!

I have an exciting 2018. Everything’s NEW. Everything’s Snazzy. I have everything crossed!

You are going to be shocked!

Thank you for all the love you’ve been giving me. I adore it, with every inch of kitten soul! Thank you!

I’m getting a ton of messages from people who are wanting to meet me, or be part of the blog.

I will tell you that I have a TON of ‘Meet & Greets’ next year, where you will have the opportunity to ‘selfie take’ and embrace a bit of Wunna Land. And yes, you will also have the opportunity to be part of the blog and come play ‘Diaries’ with me.

The best chick that i’ve met recently, was a girl by a bubble gum machine in Doncaster, who not only had a huge stem of brussel sprouts sticking out of her posh handbag, but also asked me for change to buy sweets. Lol. She wasn’t a child. She wouldn’t tell me her name. She was a grown up and hilarious. A bit odd. But I do like the odd ones, don’t I. 😉 She was SO odd, that my Mother became a little alarmed, SO ALARMED that she followed me for the next 40 steps, incase I got GOT, my a lady with brussel sprouts. Lol. (Mums eh!)

I look forward to seeing you all.

All the loves….

Chrissie x

Thank you for following my life!!

Naked Sprinkling & Christmas Merriment!

Morning!! I hope you’ve had the most amazing Christmas time! I spent it with my family…ALL The Wunnas, in ALL THE LAND and it couldn’t have been more wonderful. We’re such a close family and to just watch Ruby & Junior be SO EXCITED about the arrival of Santa, just made me kitten heart melt. It’s just amazing.

Having children at Christmas, sets your world on fire with love. And just being around my Mum and Dad etc…was great. I’m a little independant Sasserilla, but I am 100 percent a family girl. It was brilliant! I mean I sat with my Mum over cocktail sausages and watched a bit of Strictly and we just pissed ourselves, as my Dad and Brother had kips. My Dad’s ace because he’ll sit and enjoy a Port with me. (He’s an emotional man, so he may weep during the process. Lol) My Mum’s ace because she’s just an amazing MOTHER. We can sit and watch The Hangover and cry with laughter at the most inappropriate moments.

Mum: ‘I love it when the naked Chinese man jumps out the car boot and humps him!’

(Now, you all get why I have such a rubbish sense of humour. It’s evil!)

But let’s rewind.

So, the evening before. Christmas Eve. A time where some of you are out on the razzle, kissing strangers under the mistletoe, (remember when you were in school and the boys used to attached mistletoe to their trouser belts and try and make you kiss them under it??? Eww! Maybe it was a 90’s thing? Maybe it was a Private School thing? Lol)

Anyway, the rest of you either made your way back home to your families or like moi got your children excited for Christmas morning.

We watched Christmas movies, laid out a mince ie, carrots and milk for Santa and Rudolph. I leave nothing under the tree. Nothing at all. I do the ‘everythign magically appears on Christmas Morning’ thing, which is quite practically a ball ache.

So, I let Junior leave his ‘boobie traps’ for Santa…and I tinkered the babies upstairs for a big sleep.


(By this point i’d filled my soul with champagne.)

MY KIDS, ofcourse DO NOT want to go sleep and instead insist that they are going to CAMP OUT ALL NIGHT IN MY ROOM, WATCHING FOR SANTA TO f**&(*$*&&&* ARRIVE!!!  They set up some crazy blanket tent, with snacks and standed guard.

So, I had to pretend to fall asleep. Junior was on Team Mum, because I had manipulated him with love 😉 …so he got into bed with me first…then Ruby followed at about midnight, because she FINALLY FELT EXHAUSTED.

I too, unfortunately fell asleep at this point. Champers, full bellies and discreet present wrapping had killed me off for a while. My ENTIRE FAMILY (as in my Mum, Dad, and Brother, were also staying at mine, to watch the babies open their presents in the morning.)


Laid on top of my sheets, because my brother had turned the HEAT ON, some kinda crazy ‘full blast.’ Now, I like it hot…but I had to fling my giant fox onesie off, like a budget stripper gram, in order to just BREATHE and feel cold air on my skin.

But yes, there I was starfish naked, on my sheets…and my Mum ‘nudges’ me up with a..

‘Get up, you need to put all the gifts under the tree…’

So, I fling on some satin pj polka dot bottoms, a tshirt, a giant white faux fur and a pair of cream heels…like ALL THE FASHION DISASTERS IN ONE…tip toe out, half asleep to my car, gather all the pre wrapped good from y back seat ant boot, that i’d shoved in a giant plastic carrier bag and hidden under a Little Mistress faux fur…dragged them into the house, plonked all the presents under the tree…nibbled carrots like the reindeers had had a go at them, drank a cup of milk and made it look ‘spilt’ (because Santa’s so busy) and then ate half a mince pie…which I HATE. I despise a mince pie.

At this point I was filled with glee, because I had completed my Mummy duties…So ofcourse I Snapchat it, like i’m some kinda ‘Hero,’ take everything off and get back in bed. I also swigged a mouthful of Baileys OUT THE FUCKING BOTTLE, before I tucked myself in, because i’m classy like that. (Shut up, it was Christmas.)

Got settled, felt like the comfiest soul in the world, then…


I’d totally forgotten that I needed to sprinkle out Santa’s footprints.

SO, not being arsed to put any clothes on because it was  STILL BOILING and I hadn’t had the sense to just turn the heating down…I get out of bed FULLY STARKERS…RUMMAGE IN A BAG, where I had hidden some ‘Lemon Fresh’ Shake & Fresh….and in the complete NUDE….and in the half dark, I totter around my house, holding this green ‘shake and vac’  shaker, sprinkling Santa’s snow footprints all over my home.  The footprints made no sense. Nudity made no sense. I got to bed around 2am.

It was all totally worth it!

The next morning, we all had a lay in and the shock on their faces made my entire world complete.

I had the best Christmas Day!

It was filled with family, love and glamourous hilarity.

I whopped out my breakfast platter, I cooked, we danced to Christmas songs, we opened presents, we drank..OH I DRANK MY ENTIRE BODY WEIGHT IN EVERYTHING…i need to stop….and after messaging all my friends abroad and someone here that I care about, then sending the babies off to their daddies in the evening…

I settled down with my Mum and we watched a ginger Rugby player Oli visit the First Dates restaurant and go on a date with Kat…for us all to watch and judge. Lol  (I loved their date. He gifted her with a photo of his butt. J I love that show. There’s a magic to it..A magic that everyone can relate to.)

Today, I’m spending some time with my Mum and Dad. I need to get out of my pyjamas at some point…and then i’m headed to The Carleton to meet my chicks friends for a couple of drinky poos!

Have an amazing Boxing Day!

Please follow all my ‘Socials’ as I’ll be on my ‘stories’ more than anything right now.

Twitterr: chrissiewunna

Snapchat: Chrissiewunna1

Instagram: Chrissiewunna

Facebook: Chrissie Wunna (Fan Page.)


If You Go Down To The Woods…..

I am soooo sorry that I haven’t managed to blog in a week, but i’ve been away in the forest, i’ve had a birthday, I’ve drank my entire kitten body weight in Prosecco, spun around madly, dashed in glee….and i’m home now. I’ve had last minute shopping sprees, food buying and all sorts of cocktail dripped frenzies to conquer. It’s been a really busy, BUT GREAT, last couple of days. I’ve just been trying to get everything ‘Santa Perfect.’ But i’m back now and I AM BUZZING FOR CHRISTMAS DAY, I hope you are too!! It’s one of the only times that feel SO special, when you’ve been a single mum for years. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day is ACE!!  I’m like a kid. I’m SO excited!! Oh! And thank you for all the love i’ve been getting. I appreciate it. Also thank you to all the people who have been finding me out and about! It’s been wonderful meeting you! I love those sneaky, ‘Are you Chrissie Wunna..’ moments. They make me smile. I’m grateful. I have all the time in the time in the world from you…except when i’m pissed…then i’m sassy. 🙂

Anyway…I wrote half of this blog when I was still out in the woods, but my signal kept conking out, meaning that I couldn’t post my shenanigans… Life didn’t want me to! It was hilarious. I’d get SOME messages, but not all of them…then they’d all flood in at once…and my ‘social’ feeds kept pausing on an Instagram photo of Rio Ferdinand and his lovely girlfriend Kate, with a ‘cheeky night out with this one’ caption (they look so in love 🙂 )  and a Facebook ‘you can still post whilst offline’ feed of my gay friend, who was worried about his makeup… during a seizure? Lol. It wouldn’t let me scroll past these pictures….

However, here it is….My time in the woods…

Literally the most magical and enchanting piece of luxury, in all of the land. I’m currently rummaged deep in the heart of the Sherwood Pines Forest, in my luxury log cabin, blogging by my ‘open forest air’ hot tub, by a sassy pink gin and my family. It is so magical, that it is almost surreal. Words cannot even nearly describe how breathtakingly beautiful my trip to ‘do luxury’ in the forest has been. After a busy work year of championing city life….I am currently surrounded by absolute peace, bliss and tranquillity. The Forest Holidays team are treating me like a Queen. The service couldn’t be more delightful. I honestly feelt like like the luckiest kitten in the world right now.

Yet, *HOLD UP* Let’s not get it twisted. I’ve had a birthday. You all certainly know, as I pretty much posted it on every social platform that would let me.

I arrived in the Forest on Monday afternoon. Tuesday morning…I turned 37 and BOY did I celebrate it. I guess that’s what ‘Wunna Land’ is about. Making the most out of ‘good times.’ To be fair, I began celebrating on Monday (my arrival.) And from that point onward, SO much fun has occurred.

I’ve draped myself in luxury, selfied in Ann Summers bikinis (they fit so well, if you are boobied,) I’ve danced like I might *can can* for a living, I’ve sang, so there’s definitely a Grammy Award on the Horizon 😉 , i’ve spent time with family, I’ve rapped with the babies, I definitely passed out, woken up naked and randomly with a Satsuma in my hand? I’ve filled my entire body with pink ginny cocktails. I’ve glistened it thoroughly with prosecco pours. I’ve posed *nudies* in fur, *nudies* in jeans, the odd ‘nip’ has slipped out and bubbled away, in the enchanting depths and the open air of the forest, from my private forest hot tub.

It has been so much fun! I cannot even tell you. I’ve either been naked, in a towelling robe or in swimsuit the ENTIRE TIME, i’ve been here. It’s felt so liberating! I felt freeeee…..

The girls (my besties) had a birthday cake, prosecco, gifts, chocolates and all sorts sent to me by surprise. They called the retreat and found my cabin. HOW SWEET!!!

I’ve had fresh flowers sent to me by friends, fans, businesses, other holiday goers and other most thoughtful humans….almost every day. (If you’ve sent flowers to my cabin and didn’t leave a message with staff …I’ll not know who they’re from? I’ve received quite a lot of fleurs… and I thank you ever so much, as I couldn’t appreciate the kindness MORE! Honestly! You’re all so lovely!! It means a lot to me and from the bottom from my dodgy 37 year old heart.)

I’ve had fun. But do know that this forest retreat is all about finding your own kinda perfect. It’s just like life. It’s the things that you find, treasure and enjoy…It’s the carving of your own path that makes your very existence extra special to YOU.

So I’m a kitten who enjoys luxury, so i’ve loved hot tub bubbling, adventures, bouji..ing it up and prosecco sipping….I’ve ventured into the woods, simply to feel the magic that it conjures over you. I definitely refused to strut over some danger bridge (lol), yet other than that….I’ve had my breath taken away by the absolute beauty of the woods.

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You can hire bikes and race through the trails. Enjoy romantic walks. Hire out couples cabins with roaring log fires. You can dine in the woods. Hire an IN HOUSE Chef. Purchase woodland massages, have spa treatments in the comfort of your cabin, take part in activities, order champagne from your hot tub, order Room Service from your cabin and I just cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful this place is. I mean, the other night a lady escorted me through the pitch black woods, to my cabin with a torch, just so I got there safely. How sweet!

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There’s something for everyone.


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I’m currently on my last day. I’ve been here a week and gosh the staff here have treated my family and I SO WELL. We all came..my cousin, her boyfriend, my mum, dad, aunty, brother and the babies. We’ve had the most wonderful time!

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(And Hayley….you have been the most fantastic human during my time here. Thank you for all your help! You have been a GODSEND with Ruby & Junior. Thank you for being one of the best team members at the forest retreat, who unfortunately had the pleasure of tending/dealing with Wunna Land. I am SO GRATEFUL!)

I also wanted to say THANK YOU FOR ALL OF MY BIRTHDAY MESSAGES. I’ve read them all and tried to reply to everyone! Again. It meant so much! It’s been brilliant. Infact, right now, is SUCH A BRILLIANT time for me. I’m filled with excitement.

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I WILL tell you, that I sauntered out of the hot tub, with kitten hair everywhere, my swimsuit still wet, but with a large grey towelling robe draped over me…I Looked down at my phone, as everyone had been sending me birthday messages all day….Oh and again thank you to all of you who have following my Insta/Facebook & Snapchat stories. Yeah, they’ve been a little naughty…But i’m feeling 37, fun and all about living right now. Glad you’re loving it! 😉

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(It was actually the picture below that sent my ‘socials’ and inbox…into a frenzy. I don’t even know why? It’s like everyone forgot that i had it in me? Lol)

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(I got distracted)

I saunter into my suite and look down at my phone…and there it was…a message that I had been waiting for…I’d been waiting for what felt like ages…. I’d thought about this person a great deal, they seem to mean a lot to me…because for a very long time….every time our paths have had to meander….LIFE…and that snazzy bit of emotion, has always *pushed* us back towards each other safely. Lol. This human is a GREAT HUMAN. love them! They’re ace! Yet, This ‘time we ‘meandered,’ as I like to say, I kinda just let life’s ‘river’ take it’s natural flow….because I felt more this time…When you feel more, all the guards go up don’t they! Lol…Well..at first!

I got the message….

And it was one of those messages that you thought you’d maybe get, but never got.. and therefore taught your heart to deal with the situation…..However, your heart never wants to deal with a situation, as simply as that, does it? It always wants to go with how it truly feels….

It made me beam.

And just like that…everything went back to how it should be…

I think?

However! It is NOW Christmas Eve…and I have been filled with utter excitement! I LOVE IT! And it’s not that hard to love it? I see so many people still ‘bah hum bugging’ it and to me..you’re cringe…Stop it.

Have fun! Live life. Enjoy it. I mean, to me it’s not a SERIOUS time, it’s a wonderful time. A time that gives you an excuse to celebrate with your family, or friends, or even if you chose to have a quiet gin and chill by yourself…it’s lovely! Tell the people that you love, that you LOVE THEM. Share a Bailey’s with your bestie. RELAX, if you’ve had a busy ass year. Or send blessings to those who are far less fortunate.

Infact, if you’re feeling a wee bit glummy…don’t fret…there’s a magic in the air. Good things will happen…..It’s all about believing they will and taking leaps of faith!

The other day, straight after the forest, after we had been dripped in luxury, Ruby, Junior and I went out on the streets and gave away ‘blessing bags’ to the homeless people in our area. We gave away 100 pairs of socks, gloves, scarves, treats, hygiene products…food…all sorts…but most importantly we gave other humans, who needed support… OUR TIME. And that’s the biggest thing you can give anyone…It shows respect. It shows warmth. It matters. To Wunna Land, it matters.

And yes, I didn’t do it, to score all The Samaritan brownie points on my ‘insta likes’ board. *Rolls Eyes.* We all know that i’ve had the most sexy past of ‘colour,’ that could turn all the lands ‘Holy Water’ into wine.

I did…because I wanted to and because it’s important To ME to give back. I’m really grateful for all the life that i’ve been lucky enough to have been given…I’ve taken the good with the bad and I’m a great support to anyone or anything I care about.

Merry Christmas EVERYONE! The blogs will go back to normal now!

Thank you for following my life….

All the love,

Chrissie x

(FYI/ You still have 7 days left of 2017)


Flowers, Fun & Let’s Show Our Gussets

It’s just the most amazing time and I say amazing simply because for me, it’s a time where in which I realized how GREAT my 2017 has actually been. I realised how wonderful my friends and family are and how much i’ve appreciated them being there through the ‘ups’ the ‘downs’ and the jiggly bits of this year. They’ve been there through the fun. They’ve been through through the laughter. They’ve been there at the parties. They’ve been there through the drama.

We’ve watched each others hearts beam. We’ve watched each others hearts break. But no matter what, through the thick and thin of it all and we as humans kinda take  the ‘thick and thin of it all’ for granted…They’ve really been there for me. We’ve been there for each other, and without ANY condition.

I mean my friends and I are a sassy bunch of fuckers. It’s all hair tosses, work, prosecco bubbled ‘feel betters’ and the absolute BEST of good times. No one does ‘good times’ better than US.  There’s been tears, tangos and those occasional that salty pinches of drama. But we say how we feel and we say it well. Some of the bunch are really open, some of the bunch prefer to keep their secrets to themselves..Some cry…Some don’t……Yet we understand each so well…that no matter what we get it. It’s hard to find people who ‘get it,’ right?

So, incase you didn’t know, I’m headed into a new chapter right now. Infact, i’ve done it. I did on Friday. I’m feeling excited, a yeah…a little under pressure. I’m feeling as though i’m about to ‘cannon ball’ into the unknown, with everything crossed. If i needed support ever, I’d probably need it now.


It’s a really important time for me to ‘sass it up,’get my business head on, move forward confidentially and do it power heels. Yet, being i’m Miss Wunna, (i’m a glamour puss, i’m gentle) I’m not one to override deliciousness, when it comes to me, in the form of friendship, love and surprises…

Before I started power strutting…I stopped to smell the roses, appreciate those that I care about and let them appreciate ME!! J It’s something i’m actually not good at, believe it or. 😉 I’m a giver, not a taker and they say you’re either one or the other?

Friday was WONDERFUL. I held it all together. I got through  my work morning. (All I did was sit in a giant black faux fur, and do nothing, whilst I bantered with the girls and demanded that we drink prosecco at some point, even if it was in plastic cups and EVEN IF, ‘Lady Shizzle’ had not been able to show up because she had managed to guzzle so much red wine that she dashed for the last train home, missed her step whilst stepping onto the last train home and FELL DOWN the side of the train. Yes in the ‘mind the gap’ crack. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Nothing made me wee myself MORE. I was delighted by the glamour of that story. It was BRILLIANT. I loved it.

Fairytale tried to tell me the story, with her angelically serious ‘fairytale’ face, but I just couldn’t stop uncontrollably PISSING MYSELF, that it just turned into hilarity. It’s just brilliant.)

Me: ‘Honestly. Lol. Never in my entire life, when I have been THAT pissed and had to catch a train, have I ever missed stepping ONTO the ACTUAL train and fallen down the crack. Hahahahaah. It’s IMPOSSIBLE! It’s hilarious. I love it!’

(I might have been sick on a train and pretended I didn’t do it…But I’ve always managed the ‘step onto’ quite well. Probably because I know, i’m one step closer to home. One step closer to safety. Lol)

But yes, the day was filled with laughter, girl banter, occasional sad faces and then I noticed Fairytale and Firmonnell disappear and leave me with Beth. ..who was smearing some kind of moisturiser around her face.

Beth: ‘You’ve made me ill.’

Me: ‘Yeah I know.’

Beth: ‘Do I look like a reindeer?’

Me: ‘Where’ve they gone?’

However, lunch was had, sore lips were made fresher, cheeks were bronzed and then I again wanted Prosecco. Firmonnell bought me lunch. I’m a veggie now because ‘Hustle’ forced it upon me, so I winked at a 3 Bean Salad. It didn’t wink back, but i had it anyway. 😉 Yet, I LOVED that she bought my lunch. It weirdly made me feel super special. It the simple things, I tells ya!

I decided to do some work, which consisted of scrolling through my Instagram page Lol, still in my giant black faur fur, whilst swinging on an orange swizzle chair..then all of a sudden I hear a,


My eyes literally dart up…. and like I’ve won the lottery, I started screeching..

‘Yeah! That’s me! THAT’S  ME!!!’

And there they were…..The perfect delivery human, with the most PERFECTLY, GRAND DISPLAY , OF THE MOST GLAMOUROUSLY GIANT, PINK BOUQUET OF FLOWERS!

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It was like a dream! I squeaked!!!

There’s always this ‘little girl’ in me, that is delighted by goodness, treats and surprises.

Flowers came, selfies happened…

Me: ‘I’m not in the right lighting!!!’

Then as the day went on, after a mosey outside, a couple hours later….I strutted back in with a..

‘I’m off upstairs. I need a wee…’

But I looked at ‘Fairytales’ face, she had some ‘Cheshire cat’ grin on…’Dipper’ was sat next to her, looking like nothing was happening…and then I looked at ‘Firmonnell’ for confirmation…who kinda looked expressionless. I actually thought that nothing had gone during my absence…I took two steps forward and…


A corner that should be dedicated to work had been filled with love….There was pink champagne, my favourite cocktails in a can, cards galore, my flowers….a glass that read ‘You Gorgeous Thing You’ and the BEST PART was one of those LIGHT UP BOARDS…Y’know…the ones that you can buy that read like a cinema headline…and it simply read…


Firmonnell had to spell ‘WUNNA’ without the ‘U’…. because there was only one ‘U’ in the packet. HAHAHAHA

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I was just over the moon. It was SO thoughtful. It made me feel WONDERFUL!! It made me feel really cared for.

I just jollied about merrily, squeaking, whilst bursting out little ‘happy dance’ routines. I radiated happiness. Nothing else in the world mattered during that moment. I was on Cloud 9.

It was then when I realised how lucky I was. I’m really lucky.

The moment was followed by heartfelt Whatsapp messages from other close friends and all the love and support that a ‘little girl’ like me could ever wished for.

Me: ‘If this is what happens during new chapters…I just want to do them EVERY DAY!’

We drank, we laughed, we bantered and as people trickled away they hugged me ‘good luck.’

Then…like the day hadn’t been magnificent enough…I checked my email inbox and someone who has throughout the year, tinkered in Wunna Land, with his bad ‘Grandad’ jokes, yet with smiles that would suggest he was the happiest human on Earth, sent me a gift…

And that gift was ‘wisdom’…via the fine art of poetry.

I love a good poem and I adore any form of motivation….

So he did just that….I’ll quote you a bit…

‘Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close YOU are,

It may be near when it seems Afar,

So stick to the fight when you’re Hardest Hit,

It’s when things seem worse that YOU MUST NOT QUIT..’


It was followed by a phone call..

‘Is Chrissie there…Put her on…’

He was on the other end of the line and even though he’s cheeky and will whip you a truck load of really bad jokes….there are moment where in which I couldn’t feel more inspired. You feel inspired when you need to feel inspired right? Plus, I always respect those who have been on this merry Earth a tad bit longer than I….Well he’s sixty soon…so a TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD bit longer longer. Lol

But the last thing he said to me was..

‘I want you to go out there and KILL IT CHRISSIE. Go out there, take what’s yours, grab it around the neck and wring it.  I believe you can do it and you know you can do it. It’s yours for the taking….KILL IT…because you CAN.’

Then the glamour puss officially left the building, after ‘thank you’ phone calls and casually turned out lights.

‘Have you locked the back door?’

I’d pretty much checked in and checked out with everyone….Well…aside from Mel…I never really got time to ‘shimmie’ a ‘good luck’ with her… However, luckily, I looked down at my phone and with a…

Mel: ‘What time are you done? Do you wanna do drinks at The Carleton…’

Me: ‘Yeah, definitely. I’m en route now…’

Mel : ‘I’ll be there 5.45pm.’

I met her at the bar and we drank wine, in the corner of a cosy, yet busy pub..It was filled with bustle and what looked like ‘Christmas Parties.’ Ladies were giddy with excitement for a night on the razzle and the guys had sauntered in for quiet drinks at the bar. It felt really good, as everyone looked as though they were having the most wonderful time. Be the young. Be the old. They were happy.

We chatted the whole entire night. We talked over the present, we talked about the future, we recreated the past….I compared a relationship to a game of ‘pass the parcel..’

Me: ‘I dunno? Right now, it kinda looks like a game of pass the parcel… a boring one, where no one opens a prize and there’s absolutely no music….Like you’re just passing the parcel… to keep it going…for the sake of…’

More large wines were drank, she encountered new fun with old friends, I met new faces and we laughed about our lives, we chatted about our love lives and we talked ‘danger’ and how much we decided we liked it?

So much vino was delightfully sipped, that we ended up having to LEAVE OUR CARS and get a lift home.

In that moment, ‘good times’ with a great friend mattered MORE THAN curfews and being angels.

It ended up being one of those REALLY GREAT NIGHTS.  A night i’ll always remember. It sailed me into a morning of New Chapter’ slighty hungover…yet filled with support.

Saturday morning, I spent shopping and then lunching with Baby Ruby, who now thinks she’s a superstar.

Rubes: ‘I don’t want to get my hair washed in the bath anymore. I just want to go to the hairdressers all the time because she pampers me and massages my shoulders, when i’m stressed.’

Me: ‘Your hair looks cute…’


Snapchat Message from Pete (Her Daddy) : ‘Awww, her hair really suits her like that!!!’

Reply: ‘Good Luck…She now only wants it done at the hairdressers and says she’s never taking her plaits out EVER.’

Pete adores Ruby with all of his soul. We both do. Yet, he loves a ‘Diva.’ I AM a ‘diva’ so with Ruby, it’s kinda like having my OWN personality, ‘personality’ back at me….It’s wonderful and creepy all at the same time.

Then I  taught her ‘shoulder rolls’ (in public) which to me is the ONLY dance move you need to know, when it comes to the art of ‘being swag.’ It’s so versatile! Lol We literally stopped in the middle of a  shopping centre, dropped our bags and stood facing each other doing ‘shoulder rolls’ until she got it. J

Mum: ‘It’s moments when I watch to both do things like that, that I couldn’t love you both anymore. It almost had nothing to do with shoulder rolling and everything to do with your bond…your friendship and your absolute giddy love for one another..’

Tomorrow morning, I’ve got my London/Ronnie blog out and then my pretty little darlings, we begin my BIRTHDAY WEEK!

I’ve purchased, i’ve packed and i’m ready.

Tomorrow morning, I head to the depths of the Sherwood Pines Forest , to check into my luxury log cabin for the week, with the babies and the family! I couldn’t be MORE EXCITED. It isn’t actually my birthday until Tuesday, which is the 19th, so yeah it’s all about peace and tranquillity…But let’s face it, I’m a  good time gal, i’m having a birthday and i’m someone that refuses to play the ‘it’s just other day’ card.

To me, it’s the best day ever!!  So we’re gonna be having a fun and boozy, good old birthday time! You hate being a ‘Christmas Baby’ all year, until it’s Christmas…and your birthday! J

I hope you’re ALL HAVING THE MOST MARVELOUS FESTIVE SEASON. Please have fun. Even if you’re glum, please try and have fun. Don’t let life trickle through your hands. Take control of your time and make it yours. Celebrate it!

I mean, I received a card on Friday that read,

‘Then we must frolic, dance and maybe flash our gussets…’

And that’s all I want you to remember… Don’t be dull!

I’m in a new chapter…Let’s dance..

I’m in the forest tomorrow…TWO DAY BIRTHDAY COUNTDOWN.


Chrissie x

Life, Death & It’s Almost My Birthday

Oh my gosh! I have been drizzled with the snuffles and dashed with the sassy old flu bug. My nose has trickled a seductive *tap dance* (no one looks good with a runny nose) and due to such a beautiful time of Lemsips, Fox Onesies and trying to keep warm at all costs, in the ABSOLUTE FREEZING COLD (I told you, i’m far too exotic for this shit..Yeah, yeah, born in Doncaster. Yeah, yeah…still 100 percent Burmese)…..Wunna Land has been MAN *the jizzles* DOWN.


(I mean you can’t be Doncaster, Burmese, in ya thirties AND have a runny nose. The combination on ANY level, just DOES NOT fly.)

To be honest, I’m actually quite good when i’m poorly, because the ‘DIVA’ in me pretends that I’m fine. Always fine. I could be naked, crippled and dying on a jagged rock somewhere, covered in rum, despair and diamonds, yet still ask you the time and demand that you,

 ‘Pass me my Louboutins and sort out my schedule.’

So yeah, being me. There’s no sulking. (I’m not one for melodrama and find it unattractive in others. I don’t like mountains out of mole hills, even if it’s raining.)

I zipped myself up and worked all the way through my kitty flu…and yeah I cancelled meetings with new strangers, big ones where in which humans had to catch flights from New York to Manchester, in order to meet me over dinner.  I had to, otherwise a ‘burnout’ would’ve got the better of me. Everything happens for a reason.

However, I figured, that if I kept it all moving, life would pity me and like ‘toddlers in a nursery’ I’d hopefully pass the lergy on, with grace… to one of my delightful chick friends.

‘Honestly, I’m gonna show up and pass it on..’

(Generous of me, I know.)

Anyway, it worked… I’m utterly on the mend and now everyone else is ill. 🙂

*Cheeky. Cheeky. Wink*

I haven’t been able to blog over the last few days, due to work and the kitty flu, but i’m back. A lot has happened.

I still need to write my London blog, as I spent the most wonderful time with my LA Bestie and Superstar Chef Ronnie Woo last week and that was waaay before I did The Backroom Leeds, in sequins and casual winks.

So that blog is still to come and I can’t wait to tell you about our time together. I have some really great LA friends, who have become my life soldiers, simply because we all went through so much together, trying to battle entertainment, in one of the toughest towns in the world. A tough but wonderful town, that is STILL glamourised as ‘Hollywood.’

I have events and blog assignments jiggering all the way up to my glittery eyeballs. I’m really lucky and i’m so grateful. I’ve signed up to campaigns, ones to help the homeless, others to provide support for those in fear of ‘coming out’ in football…there are new brand collaborations and photoshoots a plenty…a booked.

I have an exciting New Year.

But, as a shock…there’s been a death in the family…well I prefer to say a ‘passing.’ My grandmother passed away in the early hours of this morning, well…last night. So, as you all slept and snuggled up to your loved ones (who are probably annoying you right now,) Wunna land was wide awake, with frantic panics and ‘get to the hospital now’ calls. It was almost SO BUSY, yet in slow motion. We’re a really close family, so moments like this, take over everything.

The weird thing is…I actually randomly dreamt of the ‘passing’ on Tuesday night, but I didn’t tell my Mum because I didn’t want to scare anyone. It was just a dream right?

Two days later…early this morning, my grandmother was peacefully taken away from us. My Mum, who’s is the most loving human, yet as tough as can be, is obviously pretty broken by it all, right now. No one loves anyone, as much as my Mum knows how to love. I hate seeing her in tears. It breaks me. Yet, like I said, we’re a loving family, a close family and we’re a family who handles death & support really well.

We cried. We all cried. Even Ruby cried. But in a way, it was beautiful because now the woman who taught me everything I could possibly KNOW about ‘old school’ grace and glamourosity ..

(..my Grandmother used to be a model, Miss. Burma infact. She was dainty and dignified, glamourous and beautiful. She married my Grandfather, a wealthy, stylish lawyer, who saw her at a Miss Universe heat, upon his travels. They loved each other madly and treasured each other with every inch of their souls. They taught me love. They taught me class. And my Grandfather treated her like she was the ultimate Queen of his heart. He provided her with a life that was almost like a dream. )

My favourite memory of my Grandmother is the day she pulled me to one side, in her bedroom, in Burma. We were surrounded by the finest carved teak and luxury.  I was around 13 years old and she secretly gifted me with a tiny precious box. In the box was a ring that she wanted me to have and treasure forever…The ring was gleaming, with the most beautiful Burmese Ruby.

It was the first precious gem that I had ever owned and that moment meant SO much to me, that 17 years later, when I birthed my first child,  I actually named my daughter after that moment.

She’s at peace now….She’s happy… and as my dream showed me, is now with the man of her absolute dreams.

Sleep well Grandma. I love you, always. (I definitely get my awful sense of humour from you. 😉 )

Now, I don’t want you all, to read this as something dreary, as all of Wunna Land, the entire family are sending her our blessings and talking through the ‘passing’ like it couldn’t be more beautiful. I guess, it’s our way of handling it. Yet, i’m someone who prefers to focus on the great moments you have with a human, rather than give energy to the ‘not so’ jolly.

I sat down with Ruby & Junior last night, who seemed so shocked about it all…and in that moment, as I hugged them both… and Junior wiped a tear from his eye… I taught them how important it was to love and more than anything how important it was to LIVE every single inch of their lives without fear. Last night, I felt like I had a purpose. I felt strong. It was wonderful.

So yeah..A lot has been going on and i’m currently having brief afternoon banter with ‘London Business Man,’ who is desperately hungover, still in bed and telling me he ‘misses me.’

‘I’m soooo hungover and four hours late for work. I’m waiting for my boss to call me and shout at me. I’m being all honest and nice to you. You need to say something lovely back, that’s how it works.’

‘You only missed me because you were pissed?? Lol’

In the midst of all that…it’s my birthday in FIVE DAYS. Yup. This little kitty turns 37 in FIVE FLIPPING DAYS! I’m really excited. I LOVE having a birthday. More than anything, I want to celebrate LIFE right now. And I’m weirdly not fretting about the snazzy ‘Being 37’ thing, I’m actually finding it quite sexy? I never felt more together.

I have the weekend to pack and then I am en route to the enchanting Sherwood Pines Forest, on Monday.. for a FOUR DAY break of peace, tranquility and champagne dripped, open air,  hot tubbing, deep in the heart of the woods, in the luxury forest cabin… with the Babies, my Mum, my Dad, Brother and cousins, for my birthday.

I’m so excited. I’ve needed a peaceful break for so long…

Luckily for you, there is absolutely no rest for the wicked, because I will be blogging from my forest cabin EVERYDAY and treating you to live cabin videos, blogs and an actual tour of my digs.

Follow me on everything and YOU get to be there with me, as I take glamping to the NEXT UTTER LEVEL. I actually love that you’re gonna be a part of Wunna Land, as right now…I need it.

I hope you’re all okay?

How did your Thursday pan out?

Friendship, Fights & The Backroom Leeds

Just the most amazing time in the city last night. I cherished, good times. No! Great times…with the people who I will always regard as my absolute closest . (Until I’m a superstar and never speak to them again. 😉 We’re like family and I’ve honestly had a great 2017 because of them.

I love the little swines and i’m really really lucky. I mean, not many people, in my position or way of life have a close bundle of friends, that the can trust and rely on. I do! We’re all really different from one another, yet each add a certain spice to the pot. If you have a problemo, a secret, a love….you’ll know which friend in the group to turn to…and in their own magical way, over cocktails, a cuddle, a whatsapp message, a warm dinner, a new set of heels, or a tissue….they’ll be right by your side, picking up the pieces.

I’m currently in Ego, Ackworth, sat infront of a huge mirror, with a half of Fosters, writing this blog….

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I adore a good mirror seat. One where it looks like I have my back to you, but I can see EVERYTHING.  My vanity gets the better of me. Yes. I’ll admit that. However, I also love the stories that mirrors tell. I’ve watched women with party hats and light up Christmas jumpers wander behind me. Business men. Families. Lone Rangers with quiet pints. Grown adults in weird Elf hats. Girls all a gossiping. And awkward humans on first dates. I love a mirror in the midst of a ‘busy bustle.’ It’s always so magical. Always so glamourous.

But anyway, last night I was out in the city…

As the story goes, the day turned to night. I had had a somewhat stressful day of ‘rushy.’ I HATE RUSHING. I’m a glamour puss. I do things in my own manner, with my own panache and at my own pacing. Not yesterday though. Fuck. I dashed to three cities, running errands, doing meetings, making sure Ruby & Junior were enjoying every inch of their Christmas holidays. I had a deadline. I needed to be ready. Then after the fastest totter, a warm bath, placing my phone on charge and a slip into my silver sequinned dress from the Kourtney Kardashian line for Pretty Little Thing….I dashed out the door, twinkled through the night sky, jumped in a taxi..

Driver: ‘I’m sure I’ve driven you around before. I remember your voice.’

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And Whatsapped ‘Double B’ with a…

‘I’m 3 mins away from yours…’

We drank wine out the bottle, all the way to ‘Firmonnells,’

Double B: ‘How many people do you reckon you’ve slept with?’

Me: ‘Why are they like cardboard cut outs?’

Double B: ‘They’re just Vanilla..’

(I once referred to one of my exes as ‘vanilla.’ He was in a boyband and I’d just come off a tv show for ITV2.  To this day he says I apparently broke his heart? However, surely if you say ‘I don’t want us to be together anymore Chrissie because I’m gay’ that would mean that no hearts were broken in the process. Well, maybe my heart? 😉

He said he loved me madly, yet never messaged me when we broke up because he didn’t know what to say. I just took that as ‘oh he doesn’t care’ and I was fine with that. You can’t MAKE someone love you. You can MAKE someone care about you. Yet ‘true love’ is a whole different potion. If they feel you in their spirit….they will always find their way back to you.

Yiddley Doooooooo!

Anyway, Double B and I apologized to the driver for making him listen to our sexy girl banter AAALLLLLL the way to ‘Firmonnells.’ Yet he assured us he LOVED IT.

Driver: ‘It’s made my night girls.’

We were joined by ‘Fairytale Blond’ and a bit of ‘Mama Sally.’ We did wee’s, drank prosecco, borrowed jackets, exchanged gold clutches and found ourselves on our way to Leeds city centre…our city….yet via THE SINGLE MOST AMAZING train station ever. I’ve never travelled from Garforth before. THEY SERVED BOTTLE PROSECCO, IN BOUJI PLASTIC CHAMPAGNE FLUTES, THROUGH A WINDOW ON THE ACTUAL PLATFORM!!! I know!!! It’s absolute BLISS! All you have to do is buy a bag of crisps with it (because you are only allowed booze with food) and you’re plain sailing and en route to Leeds, with a happy prosecco jiggle.

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With our drinks, in our dresses, with our heels in place and whilst the girls decided to MAKE FUN of my WONDERFUL peacock phone cover.

Double B: ‘What the fuck is that!!’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s fucking horrible.’

Me: ‘SHUT UP! The loveliest phone man gave it to me FOR FREE today, for a selfie, you dicks! I love it!!’

(It’s a golden peacock with diamante studs and multi coloured gems scattered throughout its tail. Lol I actually really do LOVE IT. They despise it and think it looks tacky, because they’re ‘haters’ and can’t handle my glamourisms. They even made a guy on the train tell me that he hated it too! Haha! What dicks)

Anyway within a second we pulled into Leeds, they’re all running like wild women to meet the rest of the group, and i’m trying to catch up, as i’m spilling my prosecco all over me and some guy in a hat with chatting to me about…can’t even remember really? If Santa was a chimney sweeper, it would be him. He was lovely!

Long story short. All met up at a train station bar…who wouldn’t let everyone in because they had reached capacity. It was THAT BUSY. The rest of the girls joined the group and the boys joined us also. Then through the busy city streets, we all walked up ‘hand in hand’ to Backroom Leeds, as ‘Firmonnell’ and I tried to decide if we were actually lesbians?

Me: ‘But I really DO fancy Ellen Degeneres.’

Firmonnell: ‘But what about when you need a penis in you after they’ve…’

The Backroom was great! It’s a small decadent, ‘speakeasy’ bar on Call Lane. Plays the best music. Has a private outdoor terrace. And we had the whole downstairs floor/bar, to ourselves, as our own. It was just for us, our whole group and that was that.

The night was AMAZING.

Slowly but surely, everyone we knew trickled in, piece by piece, a wink at time, the boys in shirts, the girls in short dresses and heels. We love to glam it up…so each ‘trickle’ was dressed to the nines, straight to the bar and with ‘good time’ glint in their eyes. It’s always great when it’s just us, because anything goes, no one will judge and we can all pretty much surrender to the art of celebrating life, the year and friendship….. in the most pissed fashion, forget to eat the yummiest finger food and with all the free drinks that our tokens will allow us.

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We danced, we flirted, we booty popped, we ‘dutty wined,’ we let loose, we turned wild, we snapchatted, we kissy cheeked, we all thought we were sexier than we probably were and we DRANK….we fucking DRANK! Hustle Barbie fell on the floor AGAIN…took ‘Fairytale’ and ‘Double B’ with her. Lol

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Hustle Barbie: ‘It’s my new thing.’

Cuddles and kisses and sequins and hip hop tracks.

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Mood lighting, shots, hair tosses and fresh air terraces.

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Gossips, lies, drama and whispers….

At one point i think my whole entire top fell down for a second, due my excessive booty dance routine. I have no booty, so I have to really work at the back shimmie. Caused boobies to fall out because my dress was too big…Nobody cared. They loved it.

Me: ‘What! It’s because i’m a VEGGIE NOW. I’ve lost weight, but it’s come off my FLIPPING BOOBS!’

Webbo & Jonsez & Dipper & New Boys! They were all really lucky, because we chicas has already hit ‘good time’ and wine bottles, so like props we used the boys for flirts and dance floor swizzles. Hot new faces kept appearing out of nowhere. I backed up and a hot face was behind me. I walked forward and another new hot face greeted me. I even got a cheeky bum grab. (I love a bum grab at 30 something. It’s naughty. It’s fun. It’s a good way to get me to notice you….and he was REALLY HOT. Super handsome.)

Lots of ‘Hollyoaks’ style drama occurred last night. It went from whisper to whisper, to confrontations, to verbal fights. It went from learnt lessons, to hearts breaking, to no judgements and personality clashes. It went from stories told, to secrets revealed and tests of friendships and truth telling.

‘You can sleep with who you want to sleep with. I don’t give a shit! Own it.’

‘Why is she blanking me. I haven’t done anything wrong.’

‘This is ridiculous!’

‘Yeah…I already knew that. We all did!’

‘I just love her and I don’t stand a fucking chance.’

‘Just stay away from me. Don’t come near me. What do you think you’re…’

‘Who told you that??’

‘You need to man up…’

‘You else do you fancy?’

‘He’s done now…’

‘I’m leaving. This is fucked up.’

‘If she comes up to me again, whilst i’m trying to talk to you…I’m gonna..’

‘Don’t judge people on shit…Whocares..’

‘I can’t deal with this. Do you want a shot?’

‘She won’t even speak to me now.’

‘I don’t care what you’ve done…’

‘You’re beautiful. Am I stalking you?’

‘This is the last time i’ve ever going to get to dance with you…’

‘You’re new. You’re hot. Are you on Insta?’

‘Who does she think she is!!!’




And even though all of the snippets above occurred, this is what I noticed…I noticed that  every single one of us were close. That every single one of us chose to prioritise ‘good times’ over drama. We danced, we laughed, we gave zero fucks. I noticed that in the end, enjoying our friendships with each other, is what we chose to make matter…and THAT is what makes us a family. (Moderately dysfunctional…but s….we’re fly. 😉 )

The clock struck 3am. Time flew by us. We didn’t even realise how fast it has flown!

‘AS IF IT’S 3AM!!! WTF!’

‘Don’t leave…come back..’

‘Come to Fibre with me…’

‘Get in my Uber.’

‘Don’t leave me..’

I had stayed in the private section at Backroom ALL NIGHT, so I didn’t actually realise how busy the place has got upstairs. I walked up to the open air terrace holding Double B’s hand…and it was RAMMED. It was MENTAL.

A guy stopped me with a,

‘Are you Chrissie Wooonaaa?’


‘Do you remember me…?’


(I didn’t know if it was Jake… 🙂 )

Yet the crowd took us into different directions and as I sat on the terrace, chatting to ‘Double B,’ under the night stars…(I’m doing a lot of the night stars of recent, aren’t I..)

I watched Jonesez look at me, with all the heartbreak of the world in his eyes…as he stood up off, from the side of the terrace and walked away slowly, with his head all a muddle….

It snowed today…which means there’s magic in the air….

All I know about life is that there are MORE UPS, than there are downs. More GOOD TIMES, than there are bad. And that ANYTHING can happen in a moments wink of an eye….Dreams come true. Life is only has hard as you make it.

It’s the ones of us who can ‘surf that crest.’ The ones of us who stand by what we love and believe is right, for OUR OWN VERSION of existence that get the most out of the world and what’s on offer.

I’ll remember these people for the rest of my life….

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Chrissie x


When Hustle Had A Birthday…..

So, I’ve been doing a lot of ‘living’ over the past few days and I guess when you’re a blogger, with a niche that celebrates life, love, glamour pussing and good times…you  kinda find yourself naturally, well…. celebrating life, love, glamour pussing and good times and as your schedule ‘jazzes’ up…your friends, family, agents and brand collabos, rev into ‘first gear’ and you only have tiny bits of ‘free time,’ where you can actually hit*pause,* pour a merlot and write it all out, for the masses to enjoy!

It’s a shimmie that I need to conquer. But in exactly EIGHT DAYS, I’ll finally have that balance right!

*Swag Snaps Here*

I’m really happy, everything’s great. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I guess, I never realised how opportunity could *knock* at the sassy little age of thirty six. But it did, and I opened the door, with my heart and my fingers crossed….and well now…. I couldn’t be more excited for the future. Yet, the future is the future…what happens NOW, it what makes the magic.

Saturday began peacefully. I indulged and enjoyed Mama time with Ruby & Junior, where we wrote Santa Lists, during early Breakfasts, shopped around Christmas Markets, lunched, whilst we laughed at old memories, made new memories and wished upon stars… (I had Pina Coladas.)

Then all of a sudden day turned to night and just like magic I almost *blinked* and found myself in my grey Pretty Little Thing number, with huge diamante earrings dangling with excitement, my ‘big hair don’t care’ wink, hot bow toed heels and a faux fur clutch, as I sat at the bar at Ego, with a wine with a…

Bartender Josh: ‘Where’ve you been?? It’s my last shift tonight. You’ve missed all the drama…’

…as I waited for ‘Double B’ to meet me….so we could venture into Leeds City Centre to the most deliciously glamourous night of ‘girl fun,’ to celebrate ‘Hustle Barbie’s  ‘I’m turning 28’ Birthday.

Gangsta J (Double B’s Boyfriend) rolled up in their mean green diamante green Mercedes and as we drank wine from the bottle, picked ‘Fairytale Blond’ up on the way, we sizzled into Bar Soba on Merrion Street, Leeds… for bottomless supper….and absolute girl merriment.

We were there first, we sat down, got situated, ordered drinks…and then before you know it the rest of the girls filtered in, all dresses, all pouty lipped, all ready for a ‘good time’….and at this point sophistication glistening from our souls.

Now, we’re all glamourous, we’re all social, we all know how to have a good time and we were ALL ready for an evening naughtiness. I met new girls, who have shimmied on the birthday girls ‘best friend list’ for a jolly long time.

Then  ‘Hustle Barbie’ struts in, in her fitted black dress, already drunk. J (I love it when she’s pissed, because you can see it in her eyes…She does a glammy ‘rag doll’ strut and gives  over friendly hugs, like she’s loved you forever.) And from that point, life, love, glamour pussing and celebrations stole our memories. Bottomless prosecco and apple& ginger mojitos stole our grace….Lord knows what we even ordered for dinner? It was served to us beautifully, like a platter of warm delights, during topics on work, boob jobs and  boys….

Double B and Sassy A tried to order ‘Hustle’ some kind of sparkly dessert.

Waiter: ‘We only have ice cream..and she’s vegan, so darling, she can’t have MILK.’

Double B: ‘Well what else do you have??’

Waiter: A £40 cocktail that we can out a sparkler in?’

Double B & Fairytale: ‘We’re not fucking spending that on her…We’ll just *high five* her instead. Lol’

I missed that moment. I didn’t even know it had happened until the day after, as ‘Hustle Barbie’ and I had already found ourselves at the bar, ordering shots for the world…

Bartender: ‘Well you can have those two for free…’

Me: But we need TWENTY!!’

Then with a…

‘Is that contactless’


Selfies were taken, shots were swizzled,  hand bags were grabbed and we all tottered down dark lit stairs to dance, drink and be merry.

(All I remember is ‘Fairytale’ constantly asking for chewing gum, some random guy buying me a cheap bottle of prosecco, Double B making me ‘almost cry’ and then us all venturing outside, to sit at the bar tables, under the night stars, as the city cobbles filled with other ‘merrimenters’ on a busy Saturday, Leeds night. It was DIVINE. Yet we were all a little ‘shimmied’ that fun turned into MADNESS.)

Hustle Barbie found a random bike on the pavement….and in her glamour pussy, tight black dress glory (she accidentally had part of her nipple out) decided that she needed to sit on it…



I just remember looking to my left, (I was sat with Fairytale, Double B & Chanel Bag Becki and seeing a huddle of glamourous chicks attempting to pick her up.

[The next morning…

Hustle Barbie: ‘Did I fall over, cos I have a burn mark down my leg? It looks like leopard print.’

You know you’re glamour puss, when your bruises are leopard print.

Then that was it…

Becki Green: ‘We need to take her to hospital…’

Chanel B: ‘I’ve whipped it back and forth now. I NEED to make sure EVERYONE has a GOOD TIME!’

Georgie G: ‘Ewww! Who’s put that shot infront of me????’

Double B: ‘Tuck your nipple back in…’

Hustle: ‘ I have tit tape on…’

Double B: ‘It’s making them look stain glassed. You have a stained glassed nipple.’

Georgie G: ‘We need to get her home!’

Fairytale: ‘I need to fix my face. NOW!! I need to go to Manahatta?’

Becki Green: ‘No, I’m taking her to hospital.’

Me: ‘Shall we just go get a drink in Manahatta first? We can do hospital afterward.’

Green Dress B: ‘Yeah, lets go…’

Sassy A: Who’s bag is this?’

Chanel B: ‘That’s MY CHANEL! I’ll have that BACK, thank you very much.’

Me: ‘I’m Snapchatting…’

Then with a *blink,*  we were ALL in Manahatta, which seemed like the BUSIEST PLACE… IN ALL OF THE GLAMOUROUS LAND. The bar was filled with stylish handsomes, great music, sassy girls and saxophone players stood on bar tops, as an energy of lively spirit buzzed through the crowds. People wiggled and winked their way through the masses, as the trendy Leeds boys checked out the talent and the girls pouted their struts with ‘serilla.’

A magical swirl of ‘glitter filled’ mood lighting, swoosh around us, as sexiness and laughter dashed by us and cocktail glasses *clinked* madly. Hustle was falling around at the bar. (Some Lady called us ‘Slappers’ simply because Hustle got served before her.)

Chanel B: ‘It’s not HER FAULT, if the bartender served her first. It’s her birthday!’

Evil Lady: ‘It’s my friends birthday too!! I’ve been waiting…’

Me: ‘It’s JUST REALLY BUSY, calm down…’

Evil Lady: ‘You’re just slappers…’

Me: ‘You’re the rudest person, I’ve…’

Chanel B: ‘Let’s move over there….’

Then the Evil Lady grabs Chanel B’s handbag chain…


Then we moved to a better part of the venue, with ‘served first’ drinks, that  plonked us higher up and looked over the masses. This was after I found Hustle sat on the floor, looking for her bank card, after she forgot where she put her drink, so picked up a candle THINKING THAT IT WAS HER COCKTAIL. Yes…She tried to drink out of the candle. 🙂

The music got louder, Green Dress Becki, started sitting on anything that would allow her to perch, whilst performing ‘can can’ kicks to Kylie songs. She performed her kicks so well, that she didn’t realise that her perch of choice was the side of a booth, occupied by somewhat stylish guys, on ‘boys night.’ Mid ‘can can’…and conversation, I looked back and had disappeared backwards. Lol. I looked again, with my gin and tonic…and she had landed head first into the boys booth…this was after she had tinkered to some other booth, that housed Double B’s old PE teacher, drank his entire pint and left. 🙂

There was girl time, dancing, Fairytale was pulling up her tights, Georgie G was civilized and making sure Hustle wasn’t on the floor, Double B had committed to being ‘gangsta’ and after standing on the booth shouting lyrics that would suggest she was a ‘Girl Boss,’ a booty dance was performed in the name of life!

Hustle must’ve loved her ‘Booty Dance’ as she dropped herself from my neck…

Hustle: ‘Tell me that you love me Chrissie…’

And decided to ‘Twerk it’ with her. There was a Twerk Line. I saw a Twerk line. It was impressive. (As if I got ditched for a Twerk Line.)

Chanel B: ‘ SAVE YOURSELVES… Ooh wait. I love this song..’

Georgie G: ‘I need to get her in a taxi.’

Me: Are we stood in a really shit place, because everyone keeps shoving into us..??’


Hustle ended up on the floor again…but happily, like she loved it. Then Green Dress Becki, started licking everything…grabbed my faux fur clutch, emptied it’s contents onto our booth table and wore it on her head??? Lol.

THEN, she found a Pepper grinder. Who knows where from? GRINDED IT, INTO HER OPEN MOUTH and GROWLED.

Dancing, Dancing, Dancing.


And even though it all sounds ‘off the rails,’ it was weirdly more glamourous than you would ever imagine….

Georgie G: ‘Honestly…I should get her home.’

Then like ‘Can Can’ kicks, falling into booths, licking things, wearing my  faux fur clutch and Pepper Shots, wasn’t enough of a show, Green Dress Becki decides she going to grab someone else’s hand bag….One of ours…I don’t know whose? Regardless, we were all SO in awe of ‘what would happen next’ that we sat in the booth, gleefully, with excited dolly eyes and anticipation…

I literally watched her in SLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOW MOTION, pick up some zebra stripped hand bag seductively… open it up, like she was a magician…or like there were diamonds hidden under that  zipper…and as she raaaaaised the bag toooowaaaards her face….(I just thought she was going to lick it…Lol) she flipping…


She sneezed into the fucking bag because the Pepper Grinder shot had got to her.


We literally sat there and threw our head back with laughter It was the most hilarious moment of all time.

Then I don’t know what happened…But I’d *blinked* again and Fairytale, Double B and I were upstairs with gin and tonics, sitting in some VIP booth, talking to some guy, who owned some company, who wondered why we had decided to sit in his booth….but let us anyway…

Double B: ‘She’s a blogger…A big one…’

Long story short…we never saw the rest of the girls that night. They danced their way to a taxi….with Chanel bags, sneezes and stained glassed nipples galore.

Double B, Fairytale and I, ended up in some other bar, some other bar, and then on the LONGEST WALK IN HISTORY.

Fairytale: ‘Were getting picked up outside Bibis’

So we walked ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN. Right to the otherside, stopping in bars for toilet breaks, stopping for ‘hi’s’ with stranger…We passed Mission, that housed Zanetti that night….until we found our way to Bibis, via a tunnel….and a very strange man.

I’d sobered up by this point. Walks do that, don’t they? Lol And someone kept shouting things at me….I just can’t remember who or what?

Our legs must have killed,  because we made the executively glamourous decision to sit on the pavement outside Bibis waiting for our lift home….and as we talked life, love and real stories about our existence, a drunk ginger guy walked by us and tried to throw us some change because he thought we were homeless. 🙂

He couldn’t decide?


Got home, got to bed, woke up at 7am the next morning, fresh as a daisy and did *breaky breaky* breakfast with Baby Ruby & Junior.

Hustle almost burnt her house down.

And that my Dolls…is what life is about!