Payback’s a REAL BITCH

I’ve had a week’s blog break. My sincerest kitty apologies. However, technically, if I want a week’s blog break, I can pretty much take one. I guess, that’s the beauty of being Chrissie Wunna, in a world that is aptly named WUNNA Land. (So creative of me, I know. Really stretched far to think that one up.) I had the most wonderful weekend, filled with trips to London, dress fittings, new brand deals, interviews, good times, great friends, strangers, cocktail drinking, the Media Awards and then good old Yorkshire fun with my closest  chicas. (Well I say ‘Chicas,’ even though ‘Dipper’ and ‘Jonesez’ from the group are definitely boys. We kinda class them as girls, because they’re certainly having to exist in a world of Sasserillas, where their words don’t seem to count as much, as ours. Lol. Shush, they love it. It turns them on. They’re like the ‘Little Brother’s’ to a BIG GIRL group. Yet the BIG GIRLS are total bitches. Haha. I’m included in that. Yippeeeee!)

So yeah, I had a full on weekend and just needed to spend some time at home, after working all day. I just needed some time to simply enjoy resting up, recovering, tinkering with my hormones, indulging in a ‘no audience’ peace and more than anything, I just wanted to spend deliciously gorgeous Mama time with Ruby & Junior. We’re such a close little family and weirdly, when I have to tango off to go do awards, meetings, train journey’s or work, they just seem to understand and they’re only four and six. The fact that they understand makes me adore them even more, as nothing is worse than HAVING to go off and work hard to provide and in my case also ‘build brand,’ yet in the back of your mind, knowing that the people you care about the most don’t like it. It makes everything harder. Luckily, I’ve have ace kids and luckily I raised them to be ace. (Thank GOD for my MOTHER!) In the end, all will be PERFECT! I promise them that all the time. Lord knows how I’m actually going to pull perfect out of my glittery arse??? I’ve got my fingers crossed, so that works right?

BUT ANYWAY, i’m not going to tell you about the Diversity in Media Awards just yet, or my weekend of drinking games and dancing infront of mirrors with the girls before everyone puked…(that will come later, i’ve kinda got to get ready for work and i’m still sat in bed, butt naked, with a kitten on my left thigh.)

Yesterday, was a great day.

To be fair, I was kinda moody through it. Just throwing myself one of those jolly old ‘pity parties.’ I kept looking around me and thinking ‘Blllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.’ The air around me just felt dead, dull and well, if i’m being honestly….fucking boring. I can’t exist in an environment of that fashion. It needs to be bubbling with excitement… luxury….love……or just plain old laughter. Or wine? Wine works?

Two days ago, my chick friend ‘Hustle Barbie,’ let’s call her Hustle FUCKING Barbie. Has a more appropriate ring to it.

Anyway, she thought she would be ‘Hustle FUCKING Hilarious’ and go on my computer and SEND PEOPLE messages…. from me. Y’know, the awkward ‘shall we go on a date’ kinda ones and to people I didn’t really desire to go on any dates with. (I hate her.)

Ha…ha. (Not laughing.)

VERY CLEVER MY PRETTY.

Now, I knew that something had gone on, because as when I walked back in I could see her sniggering little blond ‘Hustle’ Face….so I left it and waited to fall down the trap door. I fell down the trap door. I got back up. Oooooooooooooh….I got back up!

YESTERDAY, was payback.

YOU DON’T MESS WITH WUNNA LAND.

This is what went down.

Right, so being little me, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to come up with something so MIGHTY, that it would devastate her, in the most appropriate comedic fashion. But I’m smart. I’m really smart.

My guy friend Jonesez, like myself AND Hustle Barbie to be fair, has a hideously inappropriate sense of HUMOUR and because he’s a BOY, he doesn’t have a *stop* button, he will commit to a prank like a HERO. That’s what boys do. They love to be HERO’s. He also has an Asian Girl Fetish…which again works in my favour.

YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!

So, I go crying to Jonsez about how evil Hustle Barbie has been to me. *Wink.*

He feels sorry for me and therefore agrees to GET HER BACK.

‘Wunna…I LIVE for things like this.’

There’s this really delicious photo of Hustle Barbie that she hates, because she’s SUCKING A FINGER ON IT…Hahahahah….So, as a distraction…a lame distraction, I post that ‘sucky finger’ PHOTO on my Instagram, to make her think that her PAYBACK has been served and was simply completed via the fine art of public humiliation. Lol. (No such luck.)

In the meantime, Jonsez comes up with a plan and my job was to notify him of when Hustle was back in my eyeline.

I saw him photocopying LARGE prints of the ‘sucky finger’ photo. Hahahaha! I knew, payback was about to be performed.

Hustle returns to my eyeline.

A text is delivered.

FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER, magical comedy fairies must have flown down from the skies with cheeky grins and rolls of red tape? We have no clue how? But let’s just say….

OPERATION PAYBACK HAD BEEN PERFORMED.

You don’t fuck with Wunna Land.

Image may contain: 2 people, car and outdoor

She drove all the way through Leeds and home, with this stuck onto the her car!

HA’ H’HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

And it was stuck to her passenger side, so she didn’t even see it when she got into her car. DIZZY! DIZZY!

Genius.

Karma! Karma! (People honked. LOL.)

Hustle: ‘You’re DEAD WUNNA.’

 

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