UUUuuuuuuuuuuuughh!

I might have gone out for cocktails in Leeds last night and made up a Daiquiri infused dance routine, that I performed to the masses, like I was Beyonce.

If you know me well, you will know this noise that I make…

‘UUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuGh!’

It’s the noise I make on a daily when i’ve hit the absolute shame button or *tinged* the ‘really bored’ bell.

Unfortunately, this time it was the shame button. And it wasn’t even to a rickety old song, where you get away with just being a tosser. I can’t think of one? Y’know, like Whitney’s ‘Wanna Dance With Somebody.’ That’s rickety and inncocent. Young girls and old biddies, get away with parading around singing that loudly like fools.

It was to SWALLA!

‘UUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!’

So, you can imagine what my Daiquiri infused dance routine of this song would be like….People were STOOD watching me in this fucking cocktail bar…and I kept performing it loads, like I thought I was really great…I hit The Liquroist, Ginos, Tattu…You name it…it was a glittery, swirl of the most glamoruous ‘boom boom’ flash backing. I can’t even tell you! That last minute swirl of ‘lets have some fun’ was MADNESS.

‘You didn’t go on your own did you? Hahah.’

Do know, that is normal behaviour for me. I go LOTS of places on my own. I really love my own company. I’m confident. I’m not someone that needs a tribe, I do like a tribe….but probably because I know I have a tribe. Makes alone time much more fulfilling.

But yeah, no such luck. Totally dragged ‘Lissy’ and ‘Ginge’ out with me. Lissy does makeup and is in charge of doing my face for the next shoot. Ginge…is a casting director. I have an audition today for a 4 Music show.

The last time I woke up (and I don’t feel rough, it wasn’t tipsiness that got the better of me, it was the wave of ‘good times.’ Told ya! I can drink cocktails all night and feel a million percent fine. I didn’t even stay out late.) Anyway, the last time I woke up and delivered the…

‘Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggh! What have I done!?! But no really, I can’t remember? What have I done? I dread to think’ spiel?

Was probably about 3 weeks ago? Was it three weeks ago? Probably around that time? Who knows? But you get it. When what boys called ‘Beer Fear’ creeps up on you. That’s what happened. Yet, much more glamourously, as that time, I woke up in the most decadent and bouji London hotel room. It was filled with melted ice wine buckets, with hair extensions on the floor and room service wandering around early in the morning, holding a silver tray, adorned with sausage sandwiches….whilst I was still naked and laid in bed. (There is a blog to come on that little Wunna Land moment…Yet, it won’t be out JUST YET. I’ve written it. I’m just having to wait. It’s a great story. You’ll love it. And you’ll also get to watch it. Well not that bit. Haha.)

So yeah, although that was on a much larger scale. Luckily, I was only ‘Robin’ to someone else’s even more foolish ‘Batman’ routine. Hahah! Plus, I didn’t skid on the dancefloor, which was covered in the booze of others, and fall on my booty, to the Kayne West ‘Gold digger’ track.. in sequins. So yeah…I’m still winning.

I just had a really good time. The Leeds crowd applauded me. The semi circle was formed. (We refer to a moment as the ‘semi circle.’ It is the moment of the night, each night, where my chick friends and I look up and see that a male semi circle has formed around us…all hopeful…all weird…all in tight tops….and all toyboys.) We left the semi circle. We always leave the ‘semi circle’ for the more needy girls, who aren’t so comfy in their love life situation, to enjoy. I can’t be arsed with the circle of ‘semi.’

Got home. Rested up. I feel great! I’m writing my book today and doing my 4 Music audition later, I have got LOADS TO DO and to ORGANISE.

I’m not sure how my yesterday ended that way? I mean, I’d literally indulged in the most ‘family’ day ever. I had Ruby and junior duties, other duties, family lunches, bouncy castles, matches, dinner at TGI’s, shopping sprees, innocent cocktails at Ego…All sorts. We had the BEST family day ever. I had a proper Mummy day and we loved every single little inch of it. They are my entire world. Ruby shouted out yesterday,

‘It’s like the other way around??? Our Dad’s don’t let us do anything bad. But mum just lets us have fun!’

*Rolls Eyes!* She could’ve worded that better.

Infact, whilst we were at TGI’s this guy, a dad, who was sat on his own started talking to me. He was lovely and so just easy to chat to. He looked at me….and just said,

‘You’ve done a really great job.’

‘Yeah,it’s much easier now that they’re  six and four and not two and newborn.’

‘I’ve never seen more independent kids. They can literally do everything. You’ve done well. They really respect you.’

‘I’m not sure about that. But thank you. That’s sweet.’

‘My daughters ordered a mocktail. When I was a kid, we just used to play out on our bikes…I love how it’s all changed.’

I’ve never heard anyone say how much they love the change in the world…so it made me like his manner, because he wasn’t someone that dwelled on the past, he was someone willing to embrace the present and roll with the punches, when it came to the future. He wasn’t even creepy. Just nice. He had a wife and everything. Sweet guy.

My mum always says, that those little conversations that you have with random people who stop you to chat, are people you’re meant to meet. They’re sent to you, to teach you something. Just for a second. And even though that may not be true. I just totally love the idea of it.

So yeah, my babies, might have a mocktail, eat a bunch of sweets, sass it out…and often get spoilt. All bad things really. YET, I could’ve dropped them both off at TGI’s and they would’ve known how to get a table, order their meal, pay for it with a card machine and get a taxi home. They’ve done it with me so much, that they just get. I make them learn it. If I dropped them off at a hotel, Ruby would know how to check in, commit to the payment process and find the room AND order room service. Lol. So there. I’m sure i’m teaching them survival tips. It might not be Bear Gryls. But fuck it, we’re living Wunna Land.

Shit, I got distracted….

The day turned to night….I whizzed off a message that read,

‘Off for drinks with the chicks…’

Then the world became my oyster….

Good times! Great fun! Always try and make memories. I don’t wanna be 80, look back and think..

‘Ah shit! I was really dull.’

Well…unfortunately that would never happen, as GOD, my life has been just SURREAL. Hahaha. I wish you could see into my head. I cannot even believe some of the stuff i’ve got myself into. Hopefully when i’m 80, i’ll also lose bits of my memory. Yeah, let’s hope rum steals those parts away from my brain.

Do what you want. Love what you do! Stand by what you believe is right for you! LIVE!

ps/ I’ve definitely just watched Hustle Barbie’s Snapchat story. Was she across town? She must have been? And whilst I was doing my Swalla dance routine? Everyone should move to Leeds. It’s the best. Anyway she’s stood next to a girl, who’s dressed as the Statue of Liberty, in a fast food joint and ofcourse she’s dressed as ‘Sandy from Grease’ and they’re pointing a TOY gun humans….Hahaha!

Seems like everyone had a great weekend AND it’s not even over yet!

Yipppppppppppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeee!

 

1 thought on “UUUuuuuuuuuuuuughh!

  1. Ha you could dance like a malfunctioning robot and people would still find you adorable.

    A bit of goofyness just adds some down-to-earth appeal to go with your incredible hotness.

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