Tuna, Chicks & Bedroom Banter

Mel: ‘I love how you’ve all been sat laughing and joking and spent ya day filled with absolute banter, but as soon as I come out here, to give you five minutes of my precious time, everyone shuts the fuck up, stops talking and starts being all quiet and boring, like they’ve got so much work to do!!’

Thursday was great! It was the most relaxed, easy going, good time kinda day that every kitten needs in their life. No pressure. No drama. Just laughter, banter and hard work. And that hard work that seems so easy because everyone is just having a really good time. I laughed a lot today and it made my soul smile…and GOD I was pathetic and feeling all unloved through half of it, yet when you have great friends, good company and chicks who can take the utter piss out of you for kicks…life is just wonderful. It doesn’t take that much to make someone smile…It’s contagious…and once the happy macarena train starts…it bounces from being to being, until the entire room is filled with glee.

I’m not gonna go through everything that happened through the day, as I want you to just feel it…Instead i’m going to give you snippets of all that was said…

‘Does that say drop arses everywhere?’

‘You’ve spelt my name wrong.’

‘She showed me a hamster, on acid in the meeting…’

‘It was a guinea pig.’

‘I just don’t eat things in tins.’

I’m a veggie now…’

‘You fucking had KFC.’

‘Why is everyone palming me off.’

‘Don’t be jealous because I have a Facebook spiritual advisor and you don’t.’

‘She’s sniffing out the cheese.’

‘Fucking speccy eyed cock.’

‘Why doesn’t he love me!’

‘I don’t have bush! My mum does though!’

‘Honestly how many times can someone say TUNA in the space of 3 minutes.’

‘Yeah we’re on a mate date tomorrow. That’s why she’s getting her hair done.’

‘I love spam.’

‘You’re vile.’

‘I only use *not tested on animals* Body Shop Makeup.’

‘Well i’m pretty sure your bronzer is *tested on animals* MAC’.

‘I love that the advent calendar is fucking upside down.’

‘You’re like my wife AND mistress.’

‘No. I’m not having sex with you.’

‘Stop trying to trick me into a date.’

‘I’ll let you dip it in.’

‘She honestly has a clump for a hand.’

‘We’ll show each other our boobs just to piss you off, cos you’re not there.’

‘I fucking have standards. I sleep with hot girls.’

‘Why do guys always only boast about the HOT ONES they’ve slept with and forget to discuss the munters.’

‘She’s not a fucking empath, she’s a fucking weirdo Chrissie,’

‘Stop being sad now. He does love you. ‘

‘You’re so impulsive you need to stop.’

‘My mojo is on POINT.’

The strangest banter occurred. I mean there was a point where we were just naming all the things a human could possibly make with tuna, simply because Mel had a water infection and bought some from Tescos. Then Hustle Barbie showed me a guinea pig in shades, that definitely looked like it was wankered during an executive power point meeting, which was before she dribbled a banana down her face, which ended up dollop plonking itself, from her tight banana ‘willy’ hand clutch.

There may have also been a moment where in which all the girls LAUGHED OUT LOUD at the fact that we’ve certainly more than 10 times each pretended to love sex when you ‘can’t actually at all feel his willy because it’s so THIN.’ (We’ve all been there girls. 😉  Give them the show.) Don’t have shit willies and if you do, be extremely wonderful in other ways in the sack. I’m in my 30’s…Women in their 30’s are in their actual sexual prime. I own my bedroom time and rock my sheets. As a 20 something I will have pretended you were great. As a 30 something, I take control of my sheet time with a guy. My kingdom. My way! Yet, each one of my chick friends and I at some point in life, on numerous occasions, have pretended sex was great…during sex…because it’s good manners. I did that a lot in LA or when I was young. No one likes bad sex. I hate bad sex now that i’m a grown up. And bad sex comes around more than you think. When you have good sex…keep it.  If looks, personality and actual love comes with it….MAKE IT YOURS FOREVER.

Then some random conversation about sex lists happened…

Who knew that people were organised enough to keep actual lists of how many people they slept with? Lol. Everyone seemed to pop out some sex list that had been written in either biro or text into a phone note section. Lol. I mean GOSH, one of my guy friends had typed in every single girl he had ever slept with, next to a number and the country they were from.

‘When will you ever need that list dude!!!!!!’

‘Well who knows, I could end up with some infection and this way it’s much easier because I can just copy& paste one message to each girl, in one go! Hahaha.’

‘Do they count on the list if you don’t remember actually having sex with them?’

‘You should marry number fifty cos you can’t finish on an odd number. I wouldn’t like that me.’

‘You can be my 48’

‘You can be my 117.’

‘Did you know that the average sex partner number is six.’

‘What! Who the hell has only slept with six people??’

‘Well i’ve only been in two long term relationships. I married the second girl.’

‘As if you’ve actually put their nationality on your list.’

‘You’re so well traveled…sexually.’

‘How many guys have you slept with Wunna?’

 

Now, I don’t keep a list. There ain’t no list happening in Wunna Land. We all know I have stories from my delicious Hollywood youth. But I kinda just keep the in my brain for me to treasure and for you to not ever find out. Lol. I love being a grown up and I love sex, but if i’m going to be honest, I kinda just pleasure myself more than I do anything else these days and I love it. This year, I’ve only slept with one person, The rest of the time…I’ve absolutely rode it solo sexually Lol.

I will tell you though that I don’t judge a girl or guy on any list, simply because I would hate for someone to judge me on mine. 🙂 AND because I’m secure enough to not be bothered about someone’s past, I just look forward to the future. 😉  The future is always way more exciting…and people have different types of chemistry in the bedroom. It just takes that one girl or one guy to sweep you off your feet and like I always say, add true love and you can’t help it….you’re hooked.

It’s almost fricking magical.

I’m done now!

Have fun!

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ups & Downs & Those Jiggly Bits of Doo Daa

Things have weirdly turned out great! I’m feeling good. I had a rough weekend. It wasn’t rough as in ‘drinky,’ just rough as in tough. I was kinda ‘down beat,’ feeling low, like the wind had been taken out my sails a bit and I needed to pull my kitten socks up, wake up the next morning and feel wonderful. The great thing about those moments, where you’re swirled in a case of ‘da blues’ is the simple fact that they’re only temporary. I’m a positive chick. I’m good with life, because i’ve fought so hard to make it my bestie. We’ve shared some times! We’ve done it over rummy cocktails. I’m confident enough to say that  The Gods have now cut me some slack and i’m really lucky…always really lucky. But jeeze, have I noticed that when you’re down….all kinds of shit happens to you, in a dodgy ‘domino’ fashion. At one point I just stood there, pissed myself laughing and hoped some granny would just run over me with her wheeled machine.

Everything kept going wrong. Everything! One after the other. I couldn’t wait to get home and just be with the kids. I mean almost got beat up my some strange, feisty woman in a bar, who declared me a snotty ‘patronizing bitch.’ She wanted to gracefully, ‘rip my head off’ or something….and simply because she had lost her mind and insecurity had got the better of her. Delicious! I wouldn’t look good without a head. How inconvenient of her. After my boobs, it’s my best bit!  (We’re all girls. We’ve all been there. Some of us handle it better than others.) If you’re going to attempt to be a Goddess…Don’t be a crazy one. It makes you look stupid….really really stupid. It makes you NOT a Goddess. Not one at all. But in a way I was pleased, because in that moment, I couldn’t have LOOKED MORE sophisticated. I looked like I was dipped in champers and served on a silver tray. If you’re going to do FEISTY. Do  it with charm. Do it with a class that’s smug, yet direct. I assure you, the rough, ‘elbows, loud shouty, knees to the ears thing….is…Well….It’s HILARIOUSLY tasty in the most disgraceful manner.

Yipppeeeeeeee!

Anyway, once I got home and spent loads of time with the babies and just focused on doing the things that I love…I slept well and bizarrely, when I woke, I felt okay. I felt delicious.

I spent my busy Monday surrounded by my chick friends, who are just GREAT. I mean, yeah they definitely pissed themselves at me nearly getting beaten up and then shared their own stories of weekend debauchery….trampolines, gin, Leeds games, birthdays, forgotten loin fruit, and vaginas that look like pork pies that may come with a gelatine layer on them. (That was actually a comment that ‘Double B’ made a week ago… about imaginary ‘pork pie’ vaginas. Lol. I forgot to mention it, so I shoved it in for kicks. I love her.)

Double B: ‘Honestly, I think her vagina is a pork pie and comes with a gelatine layer.’

And today was just ‘GOOD NEWS’ Tuesday! I mean, I was bright as a button. Beaming with ‘ooh laa.’ I had something in the back of my mind. I can’t really tell you what, but I guess like all girls, I really care for someone and I don’t…Well….blah. I’ll leave it at that.) I didn’t let it get to me. I glamour pussed onward with a smile.

Now, the great thing about my weekend was that I CHOSE to be really PRODUCTIVE. So I pulled myself together, and didn’t surrender to ‘da blues’ and instead set myself up for opportunity. Work opportunity. I told you, I’m writing a book, I’ve got a bunch of auditions and shoots etc…But at the weekend, I tried hard to turn dreams into reality….

…because of that ‘GOOD NEWS TUESDAY’ OCCURED.

You can do anything. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t. Good things happen to good people.

I got a phone call today…a good one. It was work related and it shocked me so much that I couldn’t even believe it. It made me squeak. I haven’t squeaked since August! I looked at ‘Firmonnell’ and literally squeaked with excitement at her. I’m at my best when i’m that happy!!! I get on such a buzz that I feel on top of the world. And it felt good because it was something that I really wanted and really went for. I found my inner fearless and well I just knew… It made me giddy!

From that point on, I was A QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!  And again the weird thing was, that when i felt SO WONDERFUL, just filled with excitement and kitty cat beams…ALL THINGS GREAT STARTED TO HAPPEN TO ME, one after the other! It was crazy. I could’ve tripped up and FOUND a pot of treasure at my feet, I felt that lucky. All sorts happened. More opportunity. More great phone calls. Good news. My best gay friend Theo in LA randomly messaged me to tell me he was sending me a surprise gift! I received a ton of really positive messages from blog fans and more and more good news kept pouring in. I booked shoots and jobs and everything. It just made my day wonderful!

This was one of the messages I got today from a Blog Fan…

‘Hey Chrissie, just to remind you this morning; you’re powerful beyond measure. So be that girl who wakes up with a purpose and intent, who shows up and never gives up, who believes anything is possible and willing to work for it. I hope this week will be ridiculously amazing just like you. I’m so inspired by you. Thank you.’ 

How lovely is that!!! Makes me smile! It means a lot.

Everything is changing. I’m headed into a really lovely and super exciting chapter. It’s all new and spangly and I…well i’m looking forward to it.

(Do know that when i’m trying to be wonderful, my delightful chick friends are currently Whatsapp grouping me and calling me ‘shit’ because I apparently can’t remember birthdays…and that’s some kind of duty of mine. I hope ‘Hustle Barbie’s hair goes wrong on Thursday. I told her it was her next big prank. 😉 )

Hustle Barbie: ‘Don’t fucking say that to me! I’m already anxious!’

Anyway, I’m off. I have a bath ready and it needs me. I spent all night Googling this season’s ‘Jimmy Choo’ shoe line yesterday. It’s exhausted me with utter pleasure. 😉

I hope you’re all feeling lucky. Work hard at what you love. Chase what makes you happy. Don’t give up. Love boldly. It’s the most powerful force in the entire world and go get whatever is YOURS! You deserve it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Actions Speak Louder Than……

I’m feeing good. I’m feeling independant and free. Kinda like i could shimmie forward with those delicious ‘can can’ high kicks if I wanted to. But ofcourse, I don’t want to, as high kicking on a Sunday is certainly for the foolish. I’m being chilled. I’m like the glisteningly cold champagne bottle, that you have resting in your ice bucket, on your brunch table whilst you take in the breezy lunchtime sunshine. I am a bit anxious right now, because weird things keep happening to me. But i’m happy. Quietly happy. Today, I get to relax, rest and enjoy life.

I’ve definitely been told that I walk too slowly. And yeah, I do. I’m a glamour puss. I’m usually in heels, or utterly distracted by people. I’m a natural observer. I watch everything. And being a big believer of the ‘rah rah’ phrase that ‘ACTIONS DO SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS,’I like to watch folk, when they think i’m not looking…but calmly. (As opposed to creepily.)  I think don’t like to dash places. I kinda like to chill things, in an organised, glamourous fashion and do it to the beat of my own diamond drum.

‘Actions speak louder than words’ is my phrase of the day. I’ve just had one of my chick friend on the phone to me, who is devastated by some guy, a good guy…who has promised her the ‘full menu’ but only delivered a ‘side.’ I don’t know him well, so I didn’t really comment because no one really knows the in’s and outs of what goes on with people and their personal matters of the heart, do they? Plus, I don’t like to give people advice, because my advice is always wank. I’m just there for listening and humour. And I always think people need to make their own life choices, simply so I don’t end up getting the blame for anything, IF it all goes titties up. Yipppeeee! All about me!

But It’s funny how people can say anything to anyone. Anything they wish. All sorts. Everything and ANYTHING dashed in ‘what you want to hears,’ (I mean my guy friend used to pretend to be a psychic on West Hollywood streets, simply to pull hot chicks) and I get it, I get why people do it and like I was saying yesterday ‘intent’ is everything. It doesn’t always come from a bad place. If you know me personally, you’ll know that I am a direct girl, so I’m one to say what I mean and do what I say…I have no problems expressing anything or my truth. I’m open. But i’m polite. If I like you, I’ll tell you and if I don’t, i’ll charmingly tell you why.

Yet do remember that is it WHAT SOMEONE DOES that matters. What they put into ACTION is based on their emotions and how they feel. No one lets anything they value, respect or adore GO. Be it in work or love. No one does. And yeah there are times when we take things or people for granted and we go off in a tizzy based on complacency. But like I said to my chick friend this morning, even if someone does do that temporarily, if their heart is true, they will always come right back. And that’s the truth! That’s happened to me loads of times with guys in the past. In fact, a year and a half ago, THREE of those guys tried to tip toe back in. They intially thought i wasn’t the right fit, dated someone else and then thought ‘Shit…i fucked up…I want Wunna back.’  (Unfortunately for them, I don’t work like that. My pride won’t let me. It’s not MY FAULT that they all had poor judgement. Lol. So when they do that,  UNLESS the guy beings to PROVE that they care…I never ever consider it… Until ‘actions’ have been put into place…everything is all just chatter. I’m far too much of a grown up for just chatter. I’ve always looked for stability when it comes to love.)

So today, try not to put yourself at the bottom of your priority list. I do it all the time. Other peoples needs seems to always come way above mine at times and it’s not good for you. It just turns stressy. Be caring, but don’t deny yourself of happiness.

A weird thing happened to me last night. I reinstalled my ‘messenger’ for Facebook. I had deleted it because I have zero storage at the best of times. Anyway, I found this really long message from a woman in Spain that read…

‘7 SEPTEMBER 11:02

Hello Chrissie, I need to tell you a short little story, be patient and please read. I am not asking you for anything…’

 

I won’t tell you her full story, as that would be far too personal..

But it went on…

‘I take a pad and pen every night on my bedside table. In this last 6 months although I do not remember my dreams I wake up and write names down that come to me. Your name has been coming to me for the last 2 weeks. Sometimes I only get first names other times last names. With you I get full name, I don’t know you, you don’t know me. I live in Spain.

Chrissie I deeply apologise for contacting you, now perhaps I can move on in the knowledge that I have contacted you. I know this is weird, but you do have a very unusual name not one I would recognise. Hopefully this will stop now. May I wish you and your family good health and happiness. Hugs x’

10 SEPTEMBER 22:33

Hello, you haven’t replied or indeed taken time to look. Believe me when I say this to you,  I am a real empath and I keep writing your name down every morning without fail for more than 2 weeks, we need to link so I can sleep. So if you ever read this and I hope you do I am now getting visions if your son. Blessing x’

So, I Googled ‘Empaths’ and well they’re apparently really spiritual people who connect to the energies of others??? Has this happened to any of you? This woman in Spain is has apparently been zapped into the emotional state of energies of a girl and ended up writing and re writing her name, whilst feeling all that she is feeling every evening…The name she keeps writing is

‘Chrissie Wunna’

She searched the name because it was so unusual on Facebook and found me…and therefore, as a result sent a bunch of messages.

I sent her a message hoping that she was okay and that she slept well. (I mean, the poor sod must be exhausted tapping into my energy right now. I’m hormonal. Lol)

She said that she was so happy that we connected and now she could probably sleep…having found me. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. She sent me a message this morning, saying that she again couldn’t stop writing my name over and over again all night and that she knows how i’m feeling because she’s feeling it too and that I need to heal, before all the name writing will stop. If I saw her as unnecessary that was fine. But If i needed her she was there?

EH?

I’m so confused. Has this happened to you?

What is my life? This can’t be true.

 

 

Life, Marriages & Think They Knows

It’s a funny old thing this life marlarky isn’t it? One minute you can be on the top of the highest mountain ‘star jumping’ to the sound of absolute delight and then all of a sudden, and just like that, The Gods can come and pull that rug from under you and send you off into a spin…a downward spin where you lose your grip.

I’d say i’m quite good at life. I’ve mastered the creative art of it…. In most areas. When I say ‘mastered’ I simply mean that ‘I get it.’ I’m not saying i’m some kind of life champion, I’m just saying that I’m the QUEEN of living my OWN life the way I want to and happily. Even though my love life, seems like it’s been so shit over the years…I can tell you, on the whole, i’ve been quite lucky and been really happy. Happier and luckier than most. It doesn’t seem that way, but I have. Whenever I wasn’t chipper…I changed it, or dealt with it. Made It better. And yeah, there are moments where in which I wish I could ‘moonwalk’ backwards and do things a little differently, simply for closure. Closure that I never received. Yet the fact is that you can’t…so you might as well pull your ankle socks up and get on with it, with a smile. (It doesn’t matter if it’s real or fake…you kinda just have to get on with it. Bad moods, or bad times are really only temporary and people ALWAYS forget that. And yeah I may be coming across as a little ‘Rainbow Brite,’ yet I don’t care because by nature i’m a person who will focus on what is positive about a situation or person, rather than give power to the parts that are negative. Yeah, it can make me look a fool at times. I’ve had my heart and trust broken because of this delicious little manner, a zillion times over. In business and work i’ve trusted people that I shouldn’t have. The shit talkers. J Yet, if you stay true to who you are and stay loyal to what you believe is right…then fuck it….the things or people that ‘stick’ or even more so MAKE THE EFFORT to ‘stick’ are the things and people that are right for you.

(I’m getting this weird flashback of being 24 in LA and running outside in the dark by wheely bins, after an argument with my first husband Mike. It was street lit and the stars were above me. Everything around me was quiet. It wasn’t a big argument. It just felt big at the time. He’d always chase me whenever we fell out, because I would always rush off and leave the room. Only if it was filled with people. It looked to others that ‘the rush off’ was because I was a ‘such a DIVA.’ But really, the ‘rush off’ was always because I didn’t want anyone to see me cry. He always knew that. So as soon as I made an exit dash…he would rush after me. I’ll always take myself away from a negative moment or environment in order to find some kind of positive. He stopped me and turned me around, after chasing me down the street shouting ‘CHRISTINA.’ He never called me ‘Chrissie.’ Infact, his only other nicknames for me were ‘Shorty Doo Wop’ or ‘Baby.’ Anyway, he held my wrist gently and said,

‘INTENT is EVERYTHING and I didn’t intentionally mean to hurt you. I love you. I’ll make it right. INTENT is EVERYTHING CHRISTINA, EVERYTHING. Just stop, a second. Don’t forget who I am!!!!’

It sounds weird him saying that, I know. Lol. Yet this argument was at a time when we were both newly doing very well in our careers, he was on a big US TV show, money and ego has been pouring in and what he meant, or what he needed me to remember in that time, was who he was, on the day we first met, in that acting class….when life was really simple. We were so innocent and he was so happy because we’d been put in the same group. He turned around and whispered to his best friend Tyler, who had come from New York with him and said…on that day…’I’m gonna marry that girl.’ I remembered and he knew that I’d remember. So when I stopped dashing….I just stopped….and just like that…we were okay. Later down the line, we weren’t okay. No one knows why but him and I. Everyone thought they knew why. But they didn’t. Everyone said they knew why…but they didn’t. Neither him and I to this day, ever told anyone why, because we respect one another. Everyone made fun of that time, like it was ‘blip’ of a little marriage…that only lasted around a year. When the truth is, what you saw only lasted a year…it went on for 4 more years behind closed doors. It only ended because I suddenly had to move to England. I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t tell him because I didn’t have chance. Everything was just so quick….He thought I had just changed my number. It was a really traumatic time, that he never forgave me for. We’re ten years on from that time now….Completely different people, with completely different lives, both a success in our own rights. We live in different parts of the world. We’re both the happy with the paths that we chose. The time we were both together was simply a life a chapter. A ten years ago chapter. I learnt, no…we learnt…a lot from one another, in that time. And the best thing about it ALL, is that we could both be in the same room, full of people, look back and with blissful memories, laugh and take the piss out of that time! One of the greatest things about Mike, is that even though he’ll secretly flashback the bad bits, to me he’ll only ever remind me of the good bits.

‘Remember that time, when you came to New York and you were stood shouting outside the bakery at 3am because you needed more bread and I gave you that twig as a gift because I couldn’t afford anything else.’ )

As if i went on that big a tangent.  I’m hormonal right now. I’ll blame the hormones. Just go with it….Where were we? Oh yeah…life…

More than anything, yeah I’d say I’ve lived and it’s all been a very colourful time, with people ‘oohing’ and ‘arring’ at me. (And that doesn’t bother me because at least i’m not DULL. At least i’ve lived some kind of life where in which people have had the chance to ‘ooh’ and ‘arr’ at me, which is what I wanted and therefore it has made me happy. Life is about being happy. Like ‘Diddy’ said, ‘Happy is the new rich.’

But don’t be dull.

Nothing is WORSE TO ME, THAN PEOPLE WHO CAN’T STOP BEING DULL. You know who you are! Don’t do it to me. It gives me a rash. Whenever, I see dull humans, it makes me feel as though they have no grasp of the art of living. And when I say don’t be dull, I don’t mean you need to be hurtling yourself off a cliff on a bungee rope for insta likes. That can still be dull, if you’re dull. It can be anything, from those that daren’t speak their mind. Those that let people walk all over them. Those that can’t stand up for what they believe is right. Or those that try to be ‘goody goody’ and judge others for being fun. AWWWWWWWWWWW! Don’t be dull. Lighten up. It’s the worst.

Know that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be. You’re certainly one decision away from a completely differently life…They are quotes that I’ve read that I believe. So, no matter what, even though there is magic in the air, you are ALWAYS in control…..and if I hate anything, I hate a loss of control. You’ll never find me doing anything, that I do not have a handle on. Even as a child I was that way inclined.

Right now, i’ll tell you, that my life feels so filled up. I can’t find space to relax. I can’t find time to do the things I want to do. Just a moment of silence. Just me. Just ‘sshh.’ The kids have put ‘Wannabe’ on repeat, which is sounding out the upstairs of Wunna land, like it’s some kind of 90’s disco. I’m surrounded by people constantly that aren’t relaxing me! Lol. Everyone constantly wants me to do things for them. And I don’t want anyone to come near me unless they’re either going to massage me, deliver good news, love me or peacefully pour me a prosecco.

Tomorrow…will be a good day. I need a chill before it all gets busy.

I have a shoot to organize, infact THREE to organise, an advert to film, a book to write, four auditions to go to….and i’m meant to be in London next week but I just can’t find the time to get there.

Everything will be okay right? Everything will be okay….

Payback’s a REAL BITCH

I’ve had a week’s blog break. My sincerest kitty apologies. However, technically, if I want a week’s blog break, I can pretty much take one. I guess, that’s the beauty of being Chrissie Wunna, in a world that is aptly named WUNNA Land. (So creative of me, I know. Really stretched far to think that one up.) I had the most wonderful weekend, filled with trips to London, dress fittings, new brand deals, interviews, good times, great friends, strangers, cocktail drinking, the Media Awards and then good old Yorkshire fun with my closest  chicas. (Well I say ‘Chicas,’ even though ‘Dipper’ and ‘Jonesez’ from the group are definitely boys. We kinda class them as girls, because they’re certainly having to exist in a world of Sasserillas, where their words don’t seem to count as much, as ours. Lol. Shush, they love it. It turns them on. They’re like the ‘Little Brother’s’ to a BIG GIRL group. Yet the BIG GIRLS are total bitches. Haha. I’m included in that. Yippeeeee!)

So yeah, I had a full on weekend and just needed to spend some time at home, after working all day. I just needed some time to simply enjoy resting up, recovering, tinkering with my hormones, indulging in a ‘no audience’ peace and more than anything, I just wanted to spend deliciously gorgeous Mama time with Ruby & Junior. We’re such a close little family and weirdly, when I have to tango off to go do awards, meetings, train journey’s or work, they just seem to understand and they’re only four and six. The fact that they understand makes me adore them even more, as nothing is worse than HAVING to go off and work hard to provide and in my case also ‘build brand,’ yet in the back of your mind, knowing that the people you care about the most don’t like it. It makes everything harder. Luckily, I’ve have ace kids and luckily I raised them to be ace. (Thank GOD for my MOTHER!) In the end, all will be PERFECT! I promise them that all the time. Lord knows how I’m actually going to pull perfect out of my glittery arse??? I’ve got my fingers crossed, so that works right?

BUT ANYWAY, i’m not going to tell you about the Diversity in Media Awards just yet, or my weekend of drinking games and dancing infront of mirrors with the girls before everyone puked…(that will come later, i’ve kinda got to get ready for work and i’m still sat in bed, butt naked, with a kitten on my left thigh.)

Yesterday, was a great day.

To be fair, I was kinda moody through it. Just throwing myself one of those jolly old ‘pity parties.’ I kept looking around me and thinking ‘Blllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.’ The air around me just felt dead, dull and well, if i’m being honestly….fucking boring. I can’t exist in an environment of that fashion. It needs to be bubbling with excitement… luxury….love……or just plain old laughter. Or wine? Wine works?

Two days ago, my chick friend ‘Hustle Barbie,’ let’s call her Hustle FUCKING Barbie. Has a more appropriate ring to it.

Anyway, she thought she would be ‘Hustle FUCKING Hilarious’ and go on my computer and SEND PEOPLE messages…. from me. Y’know, the awkward ‘shall we go on a date’ kinda ones and to people I didn’t really desire to go on any dates with. (I hate her.)

Ha…ha. (Not laughing.)

VERY CLEVER MY PRETTY.

Now, I knew that something had gone on, because as when I walked back in I could see her sniggering little blond ‘Hustle’ Face….so I left it and waited to fall down the trap door. I fell down the trap door. I got back up. Oooooooooooooh….I got back up!

YESTERDAY, was payback.

YOU DON’T MESS WITH WUNNA LAND.

This is what went down.

Right, so being little me, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to come up with something so MIGHTY, that it would devastate her, in the most appropriate comedic fashion. But I’m smart. I’m really smart.

My guy friend Jonesez, like myself AND Hustle Barbie to be fair, has a hideously inappropriate sense of HUMOUR and because he’s a BOY, he doesn’t have a *stop* button, he will commit to a prank like a HERO. That’s what boys do. They love to be HERO’s. He also has an Asian Girl Fetish…which again works in my favour.

YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!

So, I go crying to Jonsez about how evil Hustle Barbie has been to me. *Wink.*

He feels sorry for me and therefore agrees to GET HER BACK.

‘Wunna…I LIVE for things like this.’

There’s this really delicious photo of Hustle Barbie that she hates, because she’s SUCKING A FINGER ON IT…Hahahahah….So, as a distraction…a lame distraction, I post that ‘sucky finger’ PHOTO on my Instagram, to make her think that her PAYBACK has been served and was simply completed via the fine art of public humiliation. Lol. (No such luck.)

In the meantime, Jonsez comes up with a plan and my job was to notify him of when Hustle was back in my eyeline.

I saw him photocopying LARGE prints of the ‘sucky finger’ photo. Hahahaha! I knew, payback was about to be performed.

Hustle returns to my eyeline.

A text is delivered.

FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER, magical comedy fairies must have flown down from the skies with cheeky grins and rolls of red tape? We have no clue how? But let’s just say….

OPERATION PAYBACK HAD BEEN PERFORMED.

You don’t fuck with Wunna Land.

Image may contain: 2 people, car and outdoor

She drove all the way through Leeds and home, with this stuck onto the her car!

HA’ H’HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

And it was stuck to her passenger side, so she didn’t even see it when she got into her car. DIZZY! DIZZY!

Genius.

Karma! Karma! (People honked. LOL.)

Hustle: ‘You’re DEAD WUNNA.’

 

I’m at the DIM Awards Tonight…

I’m tinkering to the DIM Awards this evening. If you don’t know what that it, it is the Diversity In Media Awards. I’m up for ‘Blogger of The Year’ and I can’t even tell you how honoured I am to even be invited to attend, let alone be up for an award. I mean who’d thought that this little ‘Life Diary’ would shimmie it’s way into the limelight with winks. It’s always feels great to be recognised for good work in any field, yet to think that I’ve made some kind of impact on British Media this year simply by having the balls (the glitter balls) to stand up for what I think is right, have a voice and write out my personal life publicly for anyone who fancies dancing in cyberland to read…is wonderful. Life is an important thing. We take it for granted. What we stand for is an important thing. People are often too scared to express. This blog has gone back 10 entire years, so more than anything, I’m really happy that in 2017, it has actually inspired. (Is it noon yet? Can I have a Prosecco?)

It’s such an honour. A great honour. And well this evening is about CELEBRATING all those in the media industry who have broken the stereotypical mould of what society may have labelled as ‘right’ and whilst taking their own bull by the horns, told the world, in their own special way, that things were about to change to the better…and that they…well WE, were about to change them. And yes it’s all bouji, red carpet and lovely, but what it represents is MIGHTY.

So, as the labels go…whether you be black, white, tall , small, rich, poor, too pretty, too ugly, female, male, not the right weight, not the right personality, too young, too old, or you do not have the correct sexual preferences….I could go on….it’s disgraceful. And this isn’t just about the media industry, i’ve worked within it for years and i’ve felt the brunt that can jiggle along with it. This is about people and life. And what I do best is represent LIFE.

Tonight everyone in that room, in some way, has made an impact and motivated a change in how society views things and people….Tonight is about celebrating PEOPLE, humans, all humans…and letting them know that no matter what, you CAN have a voice and make your dreams come true, without judgement or fear.

I’m gonna have fun. Champagne drizzles glamour pussy FUN.

But let’s get real a second….I’ve worked all week, i had to find a last minute dress because my previous dress decided to rip itself. (Must be the pizza.) My kitten ‘Rocco’ ate my phone charger and if you know me, I NEED CHARGE, so i’ve just had to dash out to buy two new ones. Ruby and Junior are adoring school and have made me the cutest good luck charms. Junior is concerned because he ‘can’t see boobies’ when i wear my dress. I’ve assured him it’s a good thing. Ruby doesn’t understand that six year old can’t attend.

I’ve managed to book hotels, sort out the dress fitting and ofcourse with a back up dress on hold. (I always take a back up, because once before an awards thing in LA, a girl accidentally knocked into me and we together managed to spill red wine all the way down my dress, an hour before I was to make some dodgy grand entrance. J ) It was hilarious. I was calm and she was panicked. Infact, i was quite happy to just strut on in with a giant red wine drizzle on me. I mean, fuck it….worse things have happened! Lol. To me that’s nothing, infact it’s almost glamourous. I would’ve styled it out, simply by telling the truth. (‘Sorry, we were being alcoholics and spilt shit down me.)

I’ve managed to gain a stress rash. I get this weird flipping RASH whenever I feel under pressure or stressed. It’s delicious. I mean, i’ll definitely look like some Queen of all blogging with my sexy RASH. It’s all over my neck. And yeah…with all this going on…I’m fine. I mean, two days ago my chick friends and I drew faces on boiled egg snacks and put weaves on them to pass the time. We’re adults. I’m cool with that!

Anyway, I’m looking forward to having some ‘Out of Yorkshire’ fun tonight and meeting some wonderful new people. I do fun well…so do we warned. 😉 Huge honour.

Right, i’m off to London… Can you believe that my own little Oriental mum didn’t vote for me because she couldn’t figure out to work her phone. Hahaha! Typical. (Love you anyway.)

See you daaaaaan saaaaaaaaaaf….

 

Life, Business & Bullshit

I love these early morning blogs. (Not really, but i woke up at 4.08 am by accident. My eyes just opened. I can’t even remember what I dreaming about, but it made me haze back into the real world, as Rocco my kitten pawed me for ‘crack of dawn’ fodder.)

I’ve come to the conclusion that 4.08am is a useless time. No one should wake up or especially still be up at that time ever. Nothing happens. It’s boring. Its pointless. I could tell you it’s peaceful. But when there’s zero energy around you, there’s no magic. I hate no magic. I went back to sleep and simply because i’m not that dull. And well there was no wine.

I’m still half tucked in flamingo bed sheets, with my hair bobbled up in a top knot and a bit of peeky boob out. (WE LOVE PEEKY BOOB.) I stayed up later than usual last night watching/following the football. I got pretty hooked and it all ended with excitement and winners….So, it was kinda great to fill my soul with glee because I rested my head. They say if you go to bed with happy ‘feels’ running through your system, you manifest it into your life, as it’s the last thing you think or feel about at night. (My friends Hustle Barbie & Jonesez think about Murderers coming to get them before bed. Such lovely people. With such lovely thoughts. 😉 )

Anyway, Wunna Land is great right now. Work is great. The babies are amazing. I’m feeling wonderful, almost powerful and fueled with absolute ooh laa. There’s an excitement in my kitten eyes. My Va Voom is on point. I’m happy. I’m positive. I’m feeling unstoppable.

The great thing is that i’m not even having to cut out any bullshit from Wunna Land, simply because there isn’t any. (Well that’s not true. I’m also a liar. 😉 ) What I mean is that as soon as ANY bullshit tries to infiltrate it’s way into Wunna land, some crazy ‘trap door’ before it even gets to me, opens up and drops them back into the gutters. I love it! I am emotionally tough and I hate it when people think that i’m this ‘Doll’ of a softie. I’m fun loving, I’m kind….but i’m not remotely an idiot. I laugh the bad times off and i’m lucky right now to have a world filled with wonderful people, moments, family, friends and love. It couldn’t be better. So i’m guess i’m saying to the people that try and tricky dicky their way into MY world with a bucket labelled ‘bullshit,’ do know that we’re all utterly polite here in Wunna land and my soul is ever warm, but you will get told to fuck off, via the fine art of the imaginary TRAP DOOR. (Then Sumo wrestlers in glitter pants come and sit on you. Then Double B might come and rob you. Then Mel might come and swear at you. Fairytale will make you a brew and Firmonnell will laugh.)

I was also having a conversation with a really good friend of mine Abeiku Arthur who owns House of Solo Magazine and a publication business…well he found it hilarious to take the piss out of me for MEN in business NOT taking me seriously.

‘They all try to hit on you, rather than take you seriously as a business woman because you’re hot.’

(Luckily, he doesn’t have that problem. 😉 )

But it’s true. In the last three business meetings i’ve had, three of the guys have inappropriately tried to ask me out. That’s not good business. I guess it’s sometimes flattering, but it’s more than anything annoying and awkward because to me my work is work, it’s really important to me and i’m on my way up, I talented in my own special way and i’m doing the best I can.

My personal life is my own separate thing and that has nothing to do with work. The guy I talk about ‘The Swirl’…I adore him. Every piece of me adores him and I have a one track mind. I’m not promiscuous at all. I’m not easily swayed. When I adore. I adore. And no one can come in and tap dance their way into my heart during that time. ESPECIALLY when the focus should be work or business. Come on Boys, you’re able to work with me or any moderately attractive girl, without thinking with your boner first. You’re not that silly. You should have a classiness to you.

One of my best mates Abeiku Arthur (who i’ve known for ages…) finds it hilarious.

‘What are they even thinking!! Hahaha! They don’t know you at all! Plus, surely you’d smash tons of work at you with success, before trying to make you go on a date with them.’

Anyway, it’s mid week, it’s hump day, I have a lot on, i’m starving. I’m ordering dresses, booking hotels, organizing travel and sorting myself out for Friday, where i’ll be at the Diversity in Media Awards in London. I’m up for a award. I won’t win it. But i’m looking forward to just getting to do something out of Yorkshire, for one glittery evening….Y’know, get away from it all for a night.

Hope you have a wonderful day….

 

 

 

 

A Preachy ‘Skinny Bird’ Moment….

Great day today. Busy day. But it seems that when i’m busy, I’m at my finest. I excel. I prefer it. On the whole I just enjoy mental stimulation. Today I got that. I like to feel of worth. Y’know, feel like i have a purpose. But don’t we all! My mind finally got some good old exercise. It brought out the best in me, as i’m a girl who’ll just get on with. I’m really focused when i’m busy. When my mind’s left to it’s own devices, it just gets bored and when i’m bored….i’m dramatic, or glamourously rebellious. 🙂

‘Fairytale Blond’ finally got back from her ‘No Carbs Before Marbs’ holiday and the girls and I were a full team once more. It was BLISS. I love my chick friends. I love that we’re a ‘team’ a ‘circle.’ I can be a bit of a lone ranger, at times. I’m an independent soul, I enjoy my freedom. But, it’s great to just have awesome chick friends who have your back. It’s the same with guys and their beautiful little ‘bromances.’

The awkward thing about the day is that they’ve all started this ‘Skinny Birds’ club, the one that I told you about before, where they weigh themselves and motivate each other to get to their ‘goal weight.’ I’m not a ‘joiner’ when it comes to things like that. I’m all Little Miss ‘Too cool for school.’ Haha. I’m sure it was meant to motivate them, so they felt all empowered. Yet I SWEAR, that as each girl came back with their weight on a Boots BMI Receipt, ’empowerment‘ wasn’t exactly the word i’d go for. Lol. They all looked devastated. It made them analyse their bits of bodies.

We’re all really close, but i didn’t join this whole Skinny Bird club simply because…well…I feel pretty okay with my body and how it decides to pan out. Haha. I like the way I look. I feel really comfy and more girls should feel that way. Be confident in the skin their in. I don’t think i need to lose any weight or necessarily gain any either. My body and I are mates. We’re cool. When I feel fat, I just eat less, as I’ve probably smashed 4 pizzas between Saturday to Wednesday. When I feel skinny, it’s usually because I haven’t had time to eat.

So what I’m getting at, as my chicks friends are all beautiful girls…We’re all different shapes and sizes, we’re all tall, short or sassy…What I’m getting at, is that no matter what, we as women should just embrace the bodies we’re in! Focus on the best bits and not the bits that we regard as dodgy. Like, I have great boobs. I love my boobs, I said to ‘Double B’ today..

‘My front is GREAT!’

But I certainly have no booty (and ‘Double B’ is divinely BOOTILICIOUS.) I mean my back just looks like a weave, that flows into a back, that goes straight down to my ankles. 🙂 It’s the traditional oriental ‘no bum’ syndrome. But i’m fine with it. I love it. Yeah, I have wibbly bits… on my tummy, on my thighs. It totally makes me a real woman. But I don’t focus on the wibby bits. I ignore them…and still ‘sass’ about like i’m Beyonce. I’m confident to just enjoy the best bits…and you all should too! EVERYBODY LOVES THE BEST BITS.

Beautiful is beautiful…it’s about feeling great, a confidence, a decent personality, y’know that happiness that just radiates from you. And if a person judges you upon the way that you look…then they themselves are not emotionally grown, as to me…that’s what makes any human attractive. And yes we all like eye candy. I’m not saying we don’t. I certainly do. But it totally is a bonus if you find a guy or girl that is both stunning, yet has the most amazing soul and personality. Any being that loves you, will just love you anyway. When you’re 80, no matter how hot you are now, you’ll both look like delicious little prunes, so you better 0r might as well be with someone you just get on with, on ALL LEVELS. (That’s a whole other conundrum.)

I mean i’ve just seen a post on Facebook where some guy has posted a photo of a girl, a model..infact two… and captioned it

‘Hot or not..?’

Underneath it, strange men have said some really disrespectful things about each girl. I hate that. Why bother? It doesn’t make anyone feel good. I think it’s terrible to put people up against each other like that, just for kicks. More people should go out of their way to remind others, or the people we care about, how much they appreciate them or point out the things that make them great. We ALL need reminding of that sometimes….it’s certainly the way forward. It’s thoughtful. I know! A really wacky concept. 😉

So yes, my PREACH of the day is over. (I know, i’m sounding like Mother Mary…but without the Donkey.)  I just want you all to look in the mirror today and find yourself HOT AS HELL…just BEAUTIFUL, regardless.

I get the whole ‘looking good’ thing. I’m vain. I’ll do my face, i’ll primp my hair. I like to present myself well and I’m not gonna lie… i want people to find me attractive. I do. I’m a girl. It’s how we are. But I certainly don’t focus on it. It’s not the ‘be all’ and ‘end all’ of what i represent as a person. I’m a lot more than that. I mean, GOD as a 20 something year old in Hollywood. My job was to constantly BE ATTRACTIVE for money. My auditions as a model, were simply based on how good SOMEONE ELSE thought i  looked. Thye forgot that I might even have a personality or even be a decent human being. Lol. As a 30 something, I’m a whole different kind of gal. I’m sorted. I’m comfy and I want you to be too.

I’ve rambled on again haven’t I? You could wedge 42 gobstoppers in my mouth and i’d still find a way to chat shite.

Double B: ‘Ugh. I totally feel shit now i’ve weighed myself. Do I have go around wearing a jacket that says FAT BIRD??’

And the answer to that is….

Nah…. 😉

 

 

Shortcuts, Interviews & Prosecco

‘Are you Chrissie?’

‘Yeah…Hi…’

(I gave her that ‘100 Watt’ Chrissie Wunna beam. 😉 )

‘You write that blog! My daughter reads it. She loves bloggers. She’s mad on them. She’s just bought that book on..what’s his name? Someone.. Dawson?’

‘Aww…yeah…’

(I was polite, because I didn’t exactly know who that was…Yet, neither did she, so I was on safe ground. Lol)

‘Anyway, i’ve started reading your blog. Thank you so much for coming back…’

‘Oh no…I love it here. The kids even love it here…’

The glamourous lady, all tanned and dark haired, with the perfectly pouty lips, sits down in my stylish yet comfy Prosecco Pit Stop booth. (I love Prosecco Pit Stop in Doncaster. It is a frequent afternoon haunt of mine. I used to go all the time when Shaun Applegate owned it, yet since he’s tinkered off to open up a new cocktail bar in the Victoria Gate, Leeds, which I can’t wait to visit once open, I believe this new sassy lady, is the brand new Pit Stop, ‘Boss Lady.’ I love her.)

‘I’ve just called my husband and said *Chrissie’s Here.* He told me to keep you here until he arrives. Lol. I love that blog, the one where your friend goes down on a girl with a Fishermans Friends. Lol. It’s just so hilarious. My 14 year old daughter showed me the post and asked me what it meant! Hahah!’

‘He actually went down on her with a Hall Soother.  ‘

Then we *paused* before a glamorous ‘girl on girl’ belly laugh and as my children returned back from a toilet trip with Grandad….we all, as a family enjoyed our Brushetta Brunch at our favourite little Doncaster Pit Stop.

‘Be good to me…’

Let’s be honest….She literally has nothing to worry about. I mean, if you’re a glamour puss and you own a Pit Stop that serves my body with Prosecco, then I’m probably going to adore you with every delightful inch of my kitten soul. Even if I tried, I couldn’t find a reason to dislike any human of that calibre.

But annnnyway…..

It’s a busy time in Wunna land and I know I keep harping on about how busy things are right now, but it’s pretty much the truth. My world is currently quite scheduled out and I’m feeling really lucky because I seem to have the best help at hand. I’m enjoying all my work, meetings, shoots, afternoon cocktails (I was at Ego yesterday afternoon) and just life in general. Early nights have been my favourite and yeah, i’m slowly but surely, getting everything built up and ready to take the next stiletto steps upward, upon that glitzy ladder of success. (When I say ‘Success,’ I don’t mean diamonds, riches and golden baths of wealth…Even though that really does sound like one of the most delicious plans. Why am I so stupid? That really is a great plan! Success to me is HAPPINESS. Finding your ‘happy’ and achieving it. Doing something that you love and yeah…having other people love and recognise what you do, feels good. I’m not gonna lie. It feels really good.

I write my blog to inspire. I inspire by telling my story. My own version of life. Everything else… comes from that….A really smart human once told me that if you give the world something of VALUE and simply because you LOVE doing it, you bizarrely get ‘Life Love’ back… threefold. It just comes to you. (That’s the ‘Candy Floss’ version of it. Yet, for shortcuts….having a great PR Team, also works just as well. 😉 I learn everything the hard way, so 10 years of tapping out my life as proved to be beneficial. I don’t know why I didn’t ‘shortcut’ the journey? I should’ve shortcutted the journey. Yet, good thing about missing the shortcut, is that fact that it made me SOLID in what I do.

You can say a lot. All that you want…but I’ve hit every road bump with a *BAZINGA.* Lol. Wunna Land is now one slick operation because of it. No one can take that away from me. I know my life. (Sounds weird, but some people still don’t know where they’re headed and that’s completely fine. You don’t have to know. You just have to be comfortable in the unknown zone. Just appreciate all that you have going on RIGHT NOW. Work hard. Have faith. Listen to your gut instincts and you’ll get there.) I don’t actually know what I’ trying to say, other than, if I can do it, ANYONE CAN. Don’t put yourself on a timer. It happens when it’s meant to happen. People…opportunities…everything finds you when it’s mean to. I’m only saying that because I always used to put myself on a timer.

Shortcuts are great. They’re great. But only when you’re ready. And i’m ready now…I’m all stable and filled with Va Voom. Yet with anything in life, be it in work or love…if you wish for longevity and not a short glittery *pan flash…* it takes the leg work.

Talking about my Va Voom, it’s certainly on point right now. Lol. I definitely heard ‘Firmonnell’ accidentally call me her ‘partner’ instead of her ‘colleague’ and my 20 something year old work colleague  ‘Jonesez’ kept sauntering around me and blushing…because he has some weird Asian girl fetish.

‘Why are you being weird and fancying me right now?’

‘Have you heard ya’self!!!

‘Is it the boobie thing?’

‘Hahah. No it’s the Asian thing.’

He hates feet though.

I have a busy week ahead. Junior’s loving school. Ruby’s loving life. And on Friday I have the Diversity in Media Awards. I’m up for ‘Blogger of the Year.’ I still haven’t bought a dress and I’ve completely run out of foundation. I forgot to go on my diet and had buckets of Piri Piri chicken wings and bread all weekend. But whatever….having bread wasn’t cheating on my diet. Trying to EVEN BE ON A DIET during the weekend, is surely cheating on BREAD.

I actually had so much other stuff to tell you today, but i’ve forgotten to *tap* it all out. Haha! Yipppee! It’ll have to wait until the next one. This blog has gone on too long today.

Yesterday there was a Chrissie Wunna Q & A in Inscriber Mag…. thanks to Kind Publishing. Incase you missed it…

Here’s the link for you to go and check it out…

http://theinscribermag.com/glamour-girl-burmese-beauty-q-and-a-with-glamour-model-author-and-blogger-chrissie-wunna/

 

 

Work, Success & Sex With Inflatables?

Gosh! It’s such a busy time. I have this mountain of glittery work to get through, in order to get Wunna Land to where it needs to be, for the birth of the New Year. I’m looking at it, in the highest of heels, with a Vivienne Westwood handbag and a puzzled face that can only suggest confusion. 😉

Right now, I have opportunity a knocking and it’s knocking on every door that my kitty kingdom could possibly handle. I’m not really talking about much of it, because i’m on work mode. But there ARE people that I do tell things to in confidence, like ‘Firmonnell’ and ‘The Swirl.’ They’re the two people that I seem to tell everything to….Oh and also my Mum. She’s a diamond. A stress head. But a diamond.

I’m really excited and i’m honestly really grateful to be fair, yet finding the TIME to do well and progress, y’know ‘fitting it all in’ is not that easy and things are much more knackering at thirty something. Haha. Doesn’t matter how glamourous you are! You can still do ya back in. It’s a juggle. A juggle that I CAN quite easily cope with. I love to be busy when it comes to work, just as much as I like to chill. I don’t like pressure, or rushing, But productivity, I enjoy. However, because I’m bloated and feeling moderately hormonal this week, I’m choosing to be dramatic about it all. Best thing about being a girl. If you ARE a girl, you’ll get it. If you ARE a guy…well the sooner you get it the better.

I reckon that no matter what business, profession or ‘Pachinga’ (don’t care if that’s not a word) you’re in…the lead up to the end of the year, is ALWAYS really hectic. IT’S MADNESS, I’ll tells ya! There needs to be more hours in the day.

Last night I literally slept for around 3 hours, just to fit all my work in and then got up at the crack of dawn to get ahead of myself. I KNOW! Lol. Yet, the most wonderful thing, away from all the ‘glitter’ is that my baby Junior smashed his first day of school. He smashed it…and I was so worried, that he would be terrified. I was SO worried, that he’d not adjust. But he loved it. He can’t wait to go again. Ruby troopered her Big Sister role and BOOM…as a mum NOTHING FEELS BETTER. (I did it. They’re both in school.)

Right now, even though i’m busy, i’m feeling like life is good. Pretty good. I’m feeling lucky and I reckon I have you lot to thank for that. I mean, this blog is on its merry way up for some reason and i’m not trying to give the clichéd ‘I love you’ speech. I’m just trying to say ‘cheers’ because if I actually one day wake up and find that Wunna Land has been walloped with some ‘taken over’ stamp of utter superstar success…It honestly will be because of you. You practically will have MADE me. So, yeah, cheers.

If i’m being honest, i’m quite confident that i’ll get there. I’m confident by nature. YET, i’m a hustler….A glamourous ‘grafter,’ as it’s done gracefully ofcourse. My First Husband didn’t use to call me ‘Dynamite’ for no reason. 😉 However, I am by no means delusional. I hate delusional people. I’m a patient girl and I do things correctly, with winks and that’s after learning things the hard way. I don’t strike while the irons hot. I strike when i’m ready and everything is set in place. It’s important for me to build and make impact when all is set in place, MORE than it is, to be fickle with a *whip* and shoot out the canon before i’m ready.

Other than that…Yesterday (and I don’t know how this occurred) Firmonnell, Hustle Barbie & Jonesez decided to have a conversation about humans are in committed relationships with inflatables.

Jonesez: ‘This one guy on Youtube is married to a bunch of inflatables.’

Me: ‘Yeah, But i think that’s funny. I want to be married to a bunch of inflatable people.’

Jonesez: ‘No, they’re not people…they’re random objects, like banana’s and rubber rings and ink flamingos.’

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FUCKING WEIRD??? I love it! I do love it. I find it hilarious. But why? I don’t get it??

Firmonnell: ‘I won’t let you say COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP with an inflatable. It’s ridiculous!!’

HOW THE HELL AS AN INFLATABLE RUBBER RING MANAGED TO HAVE A BETTER LOVE LIFE THAT HALF THE WOMEN ON THIS EARTH??? Lol.

(Girls, if a guy can commit and propose to a pink flamingo because he can’t live without it, and you still don’t have a ring on it yet…let me tell you…..you’re fucked. We’re fucked. It makes me lose my faith in mankind. Hahaha. Yet, it can’t stop being hilarious.)

Then Hustle Barbie forced me to watch some video (when i say ‘forced,’ she just showed me it and I watched it…I’m just dramatic today, I told you,) anyway it was a video of a guy making out with his car, THAT HE WAS HAVING A COMMITTED SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH?

Hustle: ‘How do you have sex with a car?’

Jonesez: ‘You sit on the gear stick.’

And it’s the moments like that, that take the pressure OFF you, OFF life, because you just remember how to have a big old laugh, you remember how to love and notice that you have great people and support around you. It’s take the stress of ‘busy’ and reminds you of the fact that shit ain’t so bad. 😉

Then after I moaned…a friend of mine, who again is the most hilarious human that I have ever been lucky enough to have cross paths with….sent me this…(They also stated that it was ‘a bit cheesy but had substance.’)

‘There’s something so beautiful about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she’s capable of doing anything she sets her mind to.’

It made me beam and last night, because of that I slept like a Goddess…..