A Quick Change of Jiggly Plans….

So my weekend’s made a glamourous U Turn and is now completely different. I won’t be headed off to ‘tango’ with the boy until next weekend now. It only changed about an hour and a half ago…due to my own circumstance…Yet being a kitten who is pretty schooled in the art of ‘getting on it with..’ when life throws in a *spanner,* I’m dandy with it all. You can sweat the small stuff, (which isn’t sexy) or you can celebrate the big things that you have to look forward to. I’m certainly on ‘celebration’ mode and certainly excited about what life has in store for me…so Yeah…after ‘chitter chatter,’ rearrangements and just good old honest ‘Wunna Style’ banter…Everything was sorted and my faith in humanity and my trust in ‘swirls’ were completely restored.

Y’know, what’s good about this guy…Is that he reasons things out in his head. He’ll wait, he’ll weigh things up, they’ll benefit everyone and hell make the right choices. He’ll stand by what he believes, but then, with charm immediately knows how to make everything better…

‘I’m a lucky guy…’

‘You make me smile, I’m laughing my head off reading these texts..’

‘You’re not just looks.. you’re actually  hilarious…it’s total banter…’

‘I love that you’re really open..’

‘It’ll be worth the wait…I promise.’ xxx

I mean honestly, I love hearing it all!!

But what I’m realizing about him is that yes…he’s a lot of things… but he’s actually the perfect balance of everything..in my eyes. And in my world, my eyes… count. 😉  He’s funny, but he’s sweet and he’s naughty, but he’s expressive. We’re similar like that. I’m loving it. So I’m looking forward to meeting him. PLUS any guy that I can have a conversation with about my entire ‘time of the month,’my actual period, before i’ve ever even met THEM in person..and chat about it with them comfortably, as we try to make sense of it all…is certainly ACE. I can literally say anything, tell him everything and he’ll find it funny. Even if it’s inappropriate. And i’m gonna need that aren’t ! 🙂 He’s sexy. I’m hooked.

So we’ll see what happens NEXT Saturday. I’m a firm believer in the fact that you meet people, when you’re meant to meet people…I wasn’t meant to meet him earlier on in life, which is when we had first chattered. Right now, shortly, our paths are supposed to cross, I guess? Is that how it works?

However, away from that I cannot EVEN TELL YOU how happy I am that it is FINALLY THE WEEKEND! Honestly. I have been sooooooooo busy and have worked sooooo hard this week that my mind could’ve  just exploded. It’s been THAT bundled and THAT full of *So Utterly Much.* But I did it I’ve done it! I’m at the end of the tunnel. I have two utter days off in a row, away from the madness to find peace and calm…and gallons of prosecco.

THANK THE FUCKING LORD!

(Or as ‘Double B’ would say, ‘Jesus and the baby orphans.’ )

When you’re THAT busy, you need those moments! I like to call them ‘peace… cut offs,‘ where you just ‘cut away‘ from the hectic drama’s of life happenings and enjoy the things that you LOVE. It stops you from needing botox, going insane and keeps you beaming.

(OH GOD! Ruby’s just woken up and tottered up to me, with these GIANT rainbow coloured beads around her neck with what SHE thinks are flesh coloured ‘feet.’ They’re from a Gay Pride event and my friend brought them back for me, as an appropriate gift. I’m sure that I hide them in the back of a high kitchen cupboard? Lord knows how she has them??…But yes, those ‘feet’ are decorative…well there’s a Penis, after every 7 beads 🙂 Welcome to Wunna Land.)

Lots of great things are happening to me right now. I have lots of good news to tell you soon.

I have my fingers crossed for most of it, as I don’t know how my life is going to end up…But if you don’t hope for the best…You’ll drown in rummy cocktails. Let’s put it this way, I just KNOW that it’s going to end up being wonderful. 😉

Hope you sail through the weekend with absolute utter happiness….That kind of buzz that beams from your soul and lights up your eyes…

 

Tonight…I’m beaming…

Thank you for following my life.

Chrissie x

Ps/ What did my chick friends say?

‘Well at least you don’t have to take it up the arse on the first date now…:) ‘

 

 

Saturday Things, Sexy Times & Rank

I don’t even know where to start! But let me tell you, If you don’t have a sense of fun,or a deliciously naughty sense of humour, you’re pretty much going to do ‘shock’ faces throughout this bit of diary today.

It’s taken me ages to THINK about writing it, simply because the girl, sassy banter that my chick friends and I tinkered with today was glamourously inappropriate and so utterly personal that I don’t even know what I can say and I can’t.

I will tell you that we decided that we weren’t so keen of people with 80’s moussed hair who try to chill in millennial town like it’s hipster. We also decided that we were certainly the greatest people alive, that sexting is often odd to girls, but easy for guys…

Double D: ‘Honestly my girlfriend once sent me a picture of herself naked with just my work tie on saying that she couldn’t wait for me to get home AND I RAN HOME as fast as i could!’

SEE! Guys are so visual and stimulated by turn on’s..and this is coming from ‘Double D’ our ‘Boy bitch’ who is a pretty decent gent, on all levels.

(Mel keeps making him do errands for him…Great errands that have now ended with him calling her Mum and Fairytale Blond ‘PULLING RANK.’ LOL)

‘Listen to Fairytale pulling rank on me!! Hahah!’ 

We also decided that some balls…balls? I mean BOYS have balls and some boys don’t. And that some girls are naughtier than others. We danced with oddballs and made deals with ‘the lovelies.’

‘I’m sure he still puts foam in his hair!

‘Mousse? D’ya mean mousse…like in an 80’s perm?’

‘Has a bird shit on my head…? I can feel shit on my head? Why is it so hot in here?’

‘I’ve fucking come on my period and I have my Saturday THING! FFS!’

Now, ofcourse when I wan’t to swoon in a swirl with the Mister that i’m going to see…who I adore…my body decides to *middle finger* me with a ‘hello time of the month…enjoy!’

WHAT THE FUCK!

Me: ‘It’s just going to have blowjobs and playing around. Lol’

Fairytale Blond: *Utter face of shock, fear and disgust*

Double D: ‘You can’t put out the first time you meet someone…there’s rules..’

Me: ‘There’s NO RULES DUDE. I can do what I want! Lol

( Istrut towards the cupboard)

Me: ‘Mel, i’ve come ON and I have my Saturday thing…’

Mel: ‘You’re just gonna have to take it up the arse then. 🙂 ‘

I love Mel! I pissed myself laughing and then chanted out loud, in a whisper as I strutted out the cupboard. We spent the late part of the evening chatting about Mel’s ‘love swirl’ Gary… and it makes me happy. I want to be in love like that! She gives me hope. I’ve not seen her as happy, since i’ve known her. We’re really close now and I love that she found true love , almost like magic and  in her 40’s. THAT’S AMAZING. She *beams* when she talks about Gary…and that’s a healthy energy to be around because I KNOW how much her handsome adores her. It’s balanced. It’s lovely. It’s naughty AND romantic and well…she’s kinda made me believe in love even more so…and I’m a girl, who is YES DIPPED IN SASS….but a total ‘love bunny’ when it comes to matters of the heart. I’m not wet! I’m no drip. I’m a force to be reckoned, with a bullet wink that sharp as a knife. But i’m soft when I adore. Who isn’t! So i’m looking forward to meeting ‘Taylor’ on Saturday…I’ve actually chatted to him in the past ‘on and off’ and briefly, yet I don’t think time or timing has granted us much lucky…AND I think you meet people when you’re supposed to meet them.

So right now in life…for some reason…I’m meant to spend my Saturday night & Sunday day with ‘Taylor.’ I like him. I like him alot. He’s great! So I couldn’t be more excited. We’re both excited and did the only ‘2 days’ left until we see each other message to one another…with smiles! I’ve had the busiest week…so my weekend will be perfect!

My work life is rammed right now…that I can’t keep up…so getting that ‘loving feeling’ back will keep my spirit alive.

Why is Mother Mature sending me with a period…? 🙂

Hahah! You should’ve seen ‘Fairytale blond’s’ FACE when blowjobs, were mentioned, let alone bum sex. Hahahah! (It’s her birthday tomorrow. I’m excited  to see what her ‘Prince’ gets her?

‘It better not be a fitbit…’

But yes, all is well in love and work. I’m working so hard right now…but i’m pretty positive that in the end i’m sure it’ll be worth it.

I had my tarot cards read for me tonight, after I asked specific questions. It’s crazy what came up…but i’ll have to leave that until next time. I’m knackered.My reading really helped me a lot. I was shocked.

Chat tomorrow…

Love you!

Thank you for being a part of my life…

Sexy Girly life Shite & Moments

I am going through the busiest time at work EVER. It is crazy balls. BIG OLD CRAZY BALLS, that consists of arriving early, finishing late and still not getting everything done with the kinda panache that you wished it was ‘gloried’ with! I’m a driven girl and I adore to win everything. YET, I like to be on top of my game and right now…my sexy kitten hand is almost hitting the panic* button. But i’m dandy. I’m fine. I’ll champion it. HONEST!

The good thing about everything is that I can’t tell you about all the girl banter and chick friend drama that’s going on right now, as it’s all about fights, ouchy vulvars, sexting, deep expressions of love, new chapters and madness. It’s all quite dramatic, that I can’t even begin to tell you the gossip. But there’s lots going on personally and lots going on with work that it’s fun loving yet mental.

My ENTIRE schedule is BOOKED OUT through the whole of April and I have LOADS of people with ‘please come to my restuarant/event/office/life‘ requests, that i am ABSOLUTELY excited and grateful for.  Thank, you so much. When it comes to the blog part of life and the whole ‘Social Media IT Girl’ shalang…I’m doing well..REALLY WELL. I’m still shocked. I will fit you all in. I promise. I just have so much work and so much more booked in that I’m needing more hours…but i’ll find them. I’m a hustle baby. 🙂 (Just want chu a know…)

I will tell you that I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL IT IS THE WEEKEND! After such a busy work week, I cannot WAIT FOR FREE TIME. As soon as it hits Friday, I have Ruby & Junior loves…which rocks my entire world. THEN on Saturday I have my ‘Mr Footy Player’ time…and I’m looking forward to it, because he just makes me smile. There’s something about him that makes me feel great and it’s those moments that we need to treasure in life and embrace. I won’t say i’m not lucky. I’m lucky. Yet it’s his giddiness that is contagious. The way he expresses boldly and with love. Which is something that I will naturally find attractive in a guy.

I’m a fire sign, so i’m a girl that isn’t going to find much interest in something that ‘twiddles thunbs’ or sits on the fence with fear or wallows in ‘the grey,’

I’m an all or nothing girl…and it’s part of my ‘ooh laa.’ and it seems that ‘Mr’ is quite ‘all or nothing‘ himself. I’ll find out. I don’t really know him at all.

But bottom line…we can’t wait to see do Saturday with each other….regardless. It’s life. Let’s love it. And i think it’s that attitude that we both have, without fear or circumstance that makes it ‘magic.’ He’s a little forward…maybe too forward for what i’m used to. I always harp on about how shy guys are around me, yet when they’re so mighty ‘go for it’ i’m alarmed. It shocks me. But at the end of the day…what have I got to lose? Life is about moments.

You can think about things too much and forget to love, live, express, stand for nothing short of what you believe in and forget to just enjoy. You can calculate things too much, which makes something lose it’s soul.

I’m certainly not that…Told you! Saturday will be AMAZING.

Away from that I will tell you that today I’ve seen one of my friends NURSE an over sexed vulvar to the point where WALKING was an actual issue. I listened to another worry over unsaid loving words. I witnessed a couple of them buy last minute bags of bargain meat, from a very friendly butcher and another decide to stop being evil to the man that she loves because she loves him really. I’ve experienced the ‘magic phone’ which gives you all that you needed but unexpected and had everyone blame me for jinxing their shit love lives  before 10am.

‘Whatever! I haven’t jinxed you. It’s not my fault all your love lives are shite. 🙂  YOU’RE ALL SHITE!’

I literally don’t know how i’m going to get through Thursday. I’m hoping wine will work.

 

 

 

 

Girls, Business and I’m Going on a Date…

Where to begin? Busiest Tuesday ever! But I must secretly love busy, as I watched ‘Fairytale Blond’ fuck Tuesday morning off with a McDonalds breakfast, (she’s had a stressy love life weekend. Not ideally ‘fairytale’, yet it’s all been glossed over with smiles and love. So i’m happy.) I did ‘Marks & Sparks’ lunch with ‘Firmonnell,’ who I just can’t help but love. It’s almost like there’s nothing ‘Firmonnell’ can do, that would ever piss me off, as we have the same warped sense of humour and tap into each other emotional chick zones. I talk to her a lot about life, my secrets, work, boys everything…If there’s a person I gossip to, it’s often ‘Firmonnell’ at any point. Mel…in ‘the cupboard’ when you’re not watching. Fairytale Blond on Snapchat, Shelby openly with office banter and sass, Lynne and Lady Shizzle in the morning and Hustle Barbie when she’s opposite me.

Me: ‘I thought we were all on the same period cycle..but we must not be? Have you had your period yet?’

‘Yeah. A week ago! I’ve come off mine???

Me: ‘But why have you had your period before me. You’ve left me hanging??’

I then  praised the Lord, Gospel Style with ‘Double B.’ We’re said our ‘Amens’ to the world with sass and bad accents! That’s how we chose to spend a good ten minutes of our life. Pretending to be a gospel choir. 🙂

Double B: ‘Fairytale Blond! Just do it. Just take that call and start praising the Good Lord, Jesus and all that other good stuff.’

Instead cookies distracted us.

Y’know, we’re all chicks and we’re all working so hard and dabbling in business this and business that. We’ve all had sort of these amazing weekends because we need those two days in a row to just RELAX and enjoy alcoholics. I mean, ‘Hustle Barbie’ went from a weekend of doing ‘The worm’ and ‘Just for Chrissie *Twerking* videos on snapchat’ to the most conservatively glamorous Monday morning of executive stuff that you could imagine. (She’s just sent me a snap of her stew dumplings, which Hot Alex her boyf ate, so she couldn’t bring me a portion. 🙂 But I love Alex, as he bought her a surprise holiday.)

I want to tell you about Mel and her trip to the gynecologist, LOL…but I don’t know if I can…so I’ll wait on that until tomorrow. Hahahahah! DYING! I love her! She nearly passed out. If she gives me the ‘go ahead’…the story is yours. LOL. Mel is terrifying. But I LOVE HER. We’ve become SO close over the past months. She’s in a love swirl and it’s making her smile. Plus, I admire her for her ‘warrior’ type attitude to all that she is going through. Sometimes it’s not easy being a girl. We just make it look easy. 😉

But yes, it’s a really busy time on Wunna Land and today a dude named James did suggest that he ‘would be my SheWee baby.’ Hahaha! Yes, he sang it to me. 🙂 

Apparently my girl friends and I moan so much about having to walk up three flights of stairs in heels to do a wee, that we should all rethink the idea of having ‘She Wees.’ (If you don’t know what that is, it’s a portable wee penis looking spout that a girl can wee in times of trouble.)

FIRSTLY! I AM CHRISSIE WUNNA, GLAMOUR PUSS EXTRAORDINAIRE AND YOU WOULD HAVE TO GAUGE MY DIAMONDS AND EYES OUT BEFORE I EVER USED A SHE WEE.

But fuck it, let’s give them a bit of promo…It’s better than going in a bush. (I’d rather go in a bush.) And handy if you’re a ‘Festival chick.’ (I’m not a grubby festival chick. 🙂 )

But yes, if you’ve prefer not to wee in someone’ cupped hands…than a She Wee is the answer to all your prayers, Google it.

James offered to BE my ‘She Wee’ today. Lol. AND cupped hands!

Me: ‘Why are you a dickhead?’

Fairytale Blond: ‘What is a She Wee?’

Double B: ‘It’s like a crack pipe for nunnies…’ LOL.

HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE LIFE!

Away from that, I will tell you that on Sunday I decided to go on more dates….

I haven’t dated in ages…I don’t want to be dry when it comes to the art of dating…but i don’t want to just date anyone, who isn’t the right soul fit.

Get it?

Anyway, I recieved this message…from a guy that i’ve been ‘on and off’ chatting to for actually years now. Not constantly…but he popped up again recently.

Before, i wasn’t really in a position to go on a date or feel like a dating…

However, in life, sometimes you just have to say ‘yes’ to more things..Saturday…I’m on a date…In Ipswich.

It’s a Date that my guy friends are more excited about than my chick friends. Aside from Mel and ‘Firmonnel’ who know sport or have husbands who know sport…

I haven’t been on a proper sort of meet up, ‘date’ with a guy, in a long time, where I have felt a ‘swirl.’

I feel a ‘swirl’ going down..

I’m excited for Saturday. He tells me he is also. Banter and chitter chatter is good and i find him ‘sexy’ hot. So we’ll see…At least he’s forward enough to quite cheekily and charmingly ‘have a go.’ That’s hot. We get on well…I like him…I have my ‘swirl’ smile on.

Firmonell: ‘I can tell you’re in a swirl this time!’

So yes, I have a shoot that morning and then i’m headed off to go spend some time with the ‘Mister Mister Football Player.’

I haven’t been on a ‘swirl’ date in ages…

🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

What chu’ know ’bout…..

Stuff you might not know about me…

.  I’m allergic to nuts (No…not those kind. 😉 ) 

.  I’m thirty six and a Sagittarius

. I’m a germaphobe.

. I lose interest when people tell me long winded stories and don’t like it when they don’t hit the ‘bullet points.’ lol

. I’ll slum it with a smile, but much prefer luxury

. I am a trained ballet dancer

. At school I got my ‘Drama’ colours 🙂 

. I hate listening to all my voicemails. They scare me when they come bundling in.

. I love banter. All things funny and all people who humour me.

. I once created an anal vibrator for Ann Summers called ‘The learning curve.’ 🙂 🙂 It sold nationally and was filmed for a TV show that opened to 1.7 million viewers. 🙂

. I’m relaunching ‘Diaries of a Glamour Puss’ the book on my life…and because I didn’t like the first version. 

. Yes…I did used to be a Glamour Model. But I also used to work in a shop, but nobody rambles on about that. Lol. 

. I once had a kitten named ‘Gucci’ and a white long haired chihuahua named ‘Victoria Beckham.’

. This year i’m going to start going on more dates…

. My last snapchat encounter was watching ‘Hustle Barbie’ twerk.

. I was the first oriental girl to grace the front pages of a UK lads mag. 

. I can draw you. 

. I’m really into all things spiritual. I see a psychic often for guidance.

. My current favourite cocktail is a strawberry daiquiri

. I don’t like bad manners

. Romance is my favourite

. I used to live in West Hollywood

. I used to live in Doncaster

. I don’t like giving advice incase my advice guides you down the  wrong path

. I really love Little Mix songs.

. I do hope to marry again

. I once was forced to do a wee in a plastic cup and hand it to a stranger from my car window as I crossed the Mexican Border. I hope they didn’t drink it, as I didn’t tell them it was wee.

. My favourite ‘get me going’ hustle track is the intro to ‘Billie Jean’ by Micheal Jackson. But just the intro…Haha. 

. I once made a Drag Queen piggy back me all the way home. 

. I drive a Mercedes but my favourite car is a powder lemon, convertible VW Beetle. I’d love one. 

. When I don’t wear my face, I look like…Junior. (if you aged him 100 years.)

. I am currently being hailed as the UK’s Carrie Bradshaw, which amazes me, as I grew up being a massive ‘SATC’ fan.

. I’m more creative than I am a business woman.

. This Summer will be awesome.

. I’m starting an Episodic Vlog shortly. 

. I’m more ‘witty’ than I am ‘DIVA.’

. I like people more than dogs. 

. I’m really bad at comforting people appropriately when they are crying infront of me. 🙂 


 

 

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL YOU HOT MAMAS!

Mother’s Day means so much to us in Wunna Land, as ofcourse I am a single mum of two, so I *force* the children to praise me on this with love, laughter and gifts. 🙂 They exceeded themselves this year with the designer clutch that I wanted. Lol. They apparently both smiled and fought there way en route to delivering this gift to me, as Grandmas instructed their path.

Junior: ‘RUBY! DON’T TOUCH HAIR!’

Ruby: ‘Ugh! Junior. Shut up and get this to MUM!!’

Raised so well, I know! 🙂 But whatever, I got the designer clutch that I yearned for. (Thanks Mum 😉 )

And on a more sentimental note, I have THE GREATEST MUM ALIVE. In life, I’ve heard all sorts of stories about people and their mums. Good ones. Bad ones. And i’ve remembered them all. Yet, the reason why I do try to remember them all is to remind myself every moment of every day, how lucky I am to have the most wonderfully loving, supportive, ambitious, gentle, hilarious, feisty, yet total ‘boss it’ mum, as MY MUM. She pretty much created this glamourous ‘beast’ of a unicorn that is ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ I’ve laughed with her, i’ve cried with her, she screamed at me over my bad decisions and high fived me with silent oriental *nods of approval* when i’ve done her proud. The one thing she has NEVER DONE, is EVER leave me emotionally stranded…and I couldn’t thank you enough for that! You & Dad are the reason why I always feel loved.

Ruby & Junior…I couldn’t have done it without you Mama. You made single mummying a breeze.They babies have such great Dads, who are there for them lovingly and always, YET I KNOW that both Pete & Keiran would say CONTINUOUSLY….that we couldn’t have done it without you. THANK YOU. I love you.

See you at lunch this afternoon!

This morning my Mum was at mine house, sat in one of the upstairs rooms and I had Baby Junior walk in with a mini bouquet of fresh hand tied peach roses for her. Then I had Ruby walk into the room with a medium sized bouquet of fresh cut lemon roses for her…and then I walked in, all smiles and with all the charm in the world and presented her with a huge and distinctly glamourous bouquet of fresh lillies. Their aroma swirled through the home. I can even smell them now. But I had to go second, as my brother had decided to wake up at the crack of dawn and slide on in with his card/gift first, to claim the ‘favourite child’ trophy.

I’M A GREAT GIFT GIVER. because I genuinely adore buying gifts for people that I know will surprise them and make them smile. I’m naturally generously and there’s a glow about me whenever I have sent a gift to any human that I adore. I was fine with going second. 🙂 I smashed my flowery entrance. Lol. (Get back in lane Bruv.)

But yes! I hope you’re treating your Mums and I hope if you are a Mum you are being treated or spoiling yourself! 🙂

I’m headed to Ego in Ackworth this afternoon, for Mother’s Day lunch and cocktails, with the family. Both babies did their Mother’s day with me yesterday. they took me out to lunch and spoiled me by tormenting strangers. 🙂 Every Sunday is ‘Daddy day’ in Wunna land, Ruby & Junior will head off to lunch with their fathers!

I’m a single mum,  but I just think it is really important for your children to have the healthiest bond with both parents. If you know us personally, you’ll know that Pete, Keiran and I get on so well, we’re like a family. Both boys will come to me and discuss life problems with laughter. I’ll tell them everything…and it’s a blast watching the kids grow up. We were kids when we had them, so watching us play ‘grown ups’ to these little lives that we created (in hotel rooms Lol) is honestly so rewarding. It’s the biggest BUZZ ever. 🙂 Ruby and Junior are my WORLD.

Okay, I’m off to cocktail!

But I will leave you with this…I got a random phone call yesterday at around 4.30pm from ‘Double D’..

I answer, as I know he wouldn’t be calling me if he wasn’t in some kind of emergency…and this is what I heard…

‘WHAT’S THE CODE!!!!!!!!!!’

‘The code for what?’

‘THE CODE!!! I CAN’T…I DIDN’T…’

‘Oh! LOL. It’s **********’

‘Double D‘ had managed to get himself trapped inside a building with the giant ALARM sounding off and with nothing but PANIC.

Hilarious! He was SHITTING HIMSELF! All I could hear when I answered the phone was FLUSTER and this intense panic in his voice. Lol. Behind him…this CRAZY ALARM background noise, which almost sounded like something from some shitty boys movie. It was all very dramatic. I should’ve hung up for *giggles.* But I didn’t I came to the rescue.

I guess, some Saturdays went better than others…:)

ENJOY THE SUNSHINE! My Summer Song…

 

Popaballs, Vlogs & Songs About…

Sorry for the glittery absence of ‘written word’ from Wunna Land last night. I just needed to swirl in a merry chill, relax and enjoy the art of that good old ‘Friday Feeling.’ I’m Happy! I’m dancing to the kitty beat of my own tunes and well I haven’t really tinkered much on anything ‘social media’ over the last few days, yet only because at times, when you sort of ‘perform’ to an audience constantly, one that you’re growing…You need a moment of ‘just being away’ and firstly so you don’t get a stress rash, which my doll of a darling, chick wiggle ‘Firmonnell’ calls a ‘Dragon Rash.’ Secondly…so you can evaluate life and balance out all that is going on with *can can* kicks. Thirdly, so you can have a red berried wine. Fourthly…so everyone wonders where you are, has a panic and then upon your return you find that your engagements are a bustle 🙂 😉 🙂 I know! I’m EVIL! Mwahaha! (The fourth jiggle is called the ‘fear of loss.’ When people are used to doing, reading, or seeing something or someone habitually and you pull it away…they weirdly need it more because they feel like they’re losing it. 🙂 )

Why am I a bitch with boobies?

*Add Popaballs here.*

Image result for popaball logoImage result for popaball logo

(If you don’t know what Popaballs are you really aren’t living appropriately, as they are MY FAVOURITE little bursting fruit infusion balls, that you glamourously tinker into ANY DRINK, infact even food, to add a fun, sassy, yet extraordinarily juicy madness. They make great cocktail party gifts! The Wunna Babies have them in porridge. I’m a huge traditional ‘Bubble Tea’ fan. Ofcourse I’m a lady of the Orient, so obviously this is such a fresh modern development on one of my traditional faves! Try’em.)

Right where was I?

Okay, lets go. i’ll skim it.

Yesterday I learnt that my chick friends and I aren’t actually dirty ‘filth’ eaters at all. We just like to graze. So if there’s food in front of us…ANY FOOD, we’ll nibble it. The filth drawer turned into a £3 FRUIT BOWL! Well done us! I see waistlines in our futures.

My friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ definitely believes that you can..

‘Tell if a guy has a really big willy by the sound of his voice.’

That 90’s throwback song that goes…‘it’s godda be big’ was playing in the background and it had reminded her of willies…It does though doesn’t it!

So if you have a *piddley* voice, we’ll think your ‘nipper’ squeaks, because we’ve decided that, as women of the world, we can visualize what your ‘man part’ looks like, simply by listening to the tones that sound out of your mouth.

‘Double B’ doesn’t know if..

‘Pear drops are pear flavoured? ‘

Fairytale Blond, ‘Chrissie! Have you heard this, for your blog!!!’

Yet she DOES know!!! She just likes to be stupid in the name of hilarity. Yesterday she was all ‘SASSERILLA,’  & DIVA strutting about the place, armed with no working ears and her resting bitch face.

‘What? I’ve had my hair done. I’ve got hair over BOTH EARS now…I can’t HEAR things AND HAVE HAIR. FOR FUCKS SAKE.’

I also learnt that we girls are weird, yet a delightful species of course. Not all of us are weird. But there’s certainly that tiny little bundle of us, that are tapped. 🙂

When you’re older you’re flattered by boys and attention. yet you’re not in a swirl about the flattery unless you fancy them.

When you’re a young girl, fresh on the emotional track…with bundles of rubbish love life experiences still about to occur, you are CRAZY. I’ve been there. I’m high fiving ya! Lol. (Not really. i think you’re dickheads. 🙂 But yes, the young girls want male interest, yet when they get it, they can’t just LOVE it gracefully…they HAVE TO REFER to the poor guy as a…

‘UGH! GOD! HE’S TOTALLY STALKING ME!!!

Hahahha!

THEN like that’s not enough embarrassment, they further it on, by stretching out how appalling the gent is for even attempting to ask a question of ANY SORT. Lol.

‘What a stalker! Why is he asking that? Stop stalking everyone!’

Hahaha!

We had an incident occur where in which a handsome Sandy Blond male, cautiously strided into our bubble, to query if his ex girlfriend was with us. He had MISTAKEN his ex for ‘Firmonnell.’ (Who wasn’t there at the time and has been married forever with children, to the ‘Big D.’) So the Sandy Blond Handsome just wanted to ask a few questions in general…

OH LORD, have mercy on his soul…I am naturally social and charming… so I’ll be helpful…on any level…and was prepared to be…

But Feisty Gem, who is going through a really difficult time right now, in the love AND life department..TOOK THE REINS and well she currently thinks all men are massive TWATS, as she’s fresh off a bumpy love breakup…Let’s just say she made the executive decision to release her frustration on the Sandy Blond Handsome…

‘HE’S DEFINITELY A F****** STALKER! I’m not telling you where she LIVES!’

Then Double D (don’t get him mixed up with Double B) decided to stick up for ‘the boys’ with words of wisdom , that actually made proper sense…but being girls, we all just looked at him like he shouldn’t be speaking….EVER! LOL.

I like ‘Double D’ because you can say whatever you want to him and he’ll laugh it off. The other boy helper ‘Sellers’ has already been forced of the Island. I liked him too. He should’ve stayed. But life is life and it takes you to places…

I watched Steve Bartlett’s Vlog Last night. I watch it every night at 8pm. No matter where I am. I’m a massive fan and I watched a girl called Amelia Wood (is that her name?) Anyway, she has started her own business, or trying to…she’s still in the ‘hustle struggle’ phases of it all which is an honorable phase, and she showed up, to ask Steve’s advice….as she’s finding the money part hard.

From my experience when it comes to chicks or anyone in business….I think that it is SO important for you focus on the positive parts of the experience…and not on the hardships. The hardships are your ‘pity party.’ And I don’t mean that harshly. I mean it truthfully. The ‘pity paty’ gets you nowhere or drunk.

In life, I’ve been through SUCH A MUCH….I’ve experienced what felt like the poorest existence, where I’ve been literally homeless in New York. Not for long, as I had great LA friends. But what I remember from that time was finding it funny that all I had eaten for the entire day was a shot of coconut rum,that I got for free. Lol. During that time, I STILL waltzed into the business centres of various hotels and wrote my blog on their computers. Hahaha! DAILY! And I loved it! I had nothing! But my blog! That was my life! Yet, I must’ve had some sort of *glow* about me, because THIS RANDOM STRANGER saw me sat in a hotel lobby for hours..To this day, I have no clue who he was…but he was this black guy, rocking his ‘fro out. He was wearing beige, looked really normal. He walked up to me and handed me £200 in cash…and said,

‘You’re too beautiful to be going through whatever you’re going through…’ AND WALKED AWAY!

AS IF!! Yet at the same time i’ve experienced what people view as the WEALTHIEST lifestyle, where I have yachted and jetted and had assistants, upon assistants wait upon me in executive suites that only a Princess would find a bore…

That’s all I can tell you about that particular time, as obviously you can imagine, it was wonderful.

Yet at the same time, i’ve done the two jobs, kids and ‘trying to make it’ bonanza.

Yet during all experiences….I was always laughing. I was always happy. I was always positive and always blogging. I never stressed out. I never worried about money or ‘making it.’ I still went out and had fun and I don’t even know how. 🙂 I just got on with life…Happily…I never felt sorry for myself…I didn’t ask for help, because I wasn’t ready to ask for help back then…YET no matter what advice anyone gives you….The truth behind it all, is that you need to figure it out by yourself and once you do…people will come. They’ll notice you. I promise.

You can make your dreams come true. It happens every minute of every day.

More people help you, when you don’t ask for help…

 

 

Actual Crazy, Hollywood, Amaze Balls…

I am have the most smashing LIFE time EVER! I’m feeling GREAT! I’m sort of just taking a chill from all things too ‘social media,’ yet not for long, as I live and breathe it…I mean a couple of days…However, it’s enough for me to take a second to just get on with the ‘norm’ of my daily work and secretly CELEBRATE. 🙂

Yes! You heard! I am about to head into the most DELICIOUSLY AMAZING APRIL EVER and what i’ve learnt from life, is that before the sexy storm begins, you just have to take a moment and enjoy a victory *wiggle wink.* JUST SAYIN’! And that..I am!

I’m still busy. But i’m beaming.

I can’t tell you much about my April. But I can tell you, that I have some of the most wonderful events coming up, some divine brands ready to be *winked* in Wunnaland AND the UK blog Awards next month, which if you didn’t know…I’m a finalist of. I won’t win it. But i’ll certainly be there. It’s such a great honour and it’s almost one tick on my ‘dreams come true’ list. I’m SO grateful for all the support I have from ym friends and family. I mean, GOD, my Mum is always very..

‘You don’t have to win it, to win in the end…and ya Dad and I KNOW that you win in the end..’

HOW SWEET! How Lucky am I!!

But do also know, that Wunna land is not silly enough to not go, as it will be the greatest networking event ever. I might not win the trophy, but i’ll smash the ‘social’ banter…

More exciting news…*Wait whilst i take off my waist shaper and air throw/ mouth catch a few *Popaballs* (Google them) I start a Vlog shortly…AND IT’S AMAZING. I’m still blogging, as that’s what I do. And it seems i must do it well? Yet now, you will be TREATED to real life episodes of chrissiewunna.com. And Wunna Land is SO fun that you’ll either piddle with laughter or die with shock….which is a ‘stunned’ way of creaming embarrassment.

HOWEVER WAIT! Due to me coming from a Reality TV background, it seems that if I truly wanted I could actually sample my hand at Vlogging, by just skipping it and whipping Wunna land life out on the actual telly. I KNOW! This is where ‘who you knows’ matters! So make you connections But prove yourself. I was obviously years ago on ‘Paris Hiltons British Best Friend’ on ITV2, and one of their focal characters. It s the same people who read a Tweet, where in which I said,

‘Looking for Videographers/Editors’

…who immediately shimmied into my inbox.

I will also so, that hundreds of Videographers filled my inbox…and i’m still going through you all, yet I pretty much know who i’m going to use,

Yet, it’s great. As i’m still doing an episodic vlog and it certainly won’t be lame. 🙂 And I’m feeling so *pumped* about it right now, as one of my LA besties, has just got his movie commissioned and it is currently, this second being produced and filmed….and this is no low budget ‘try out…’ it’s a big ass movie and IT HAS MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY IN IT. He sent me a snap of his ‘Directors Chair’ today. It made me smile. 🙂 He was GIDDY! It’s Matt!

Image may contain: one or more people and people sitting

YET HE TOLD ME THIS…

‘Chrissie…you’ve got it. Don’t let anyone out there make you think that they’re better than you in your niche, because they’re NOT. You’ve got ‘it’ MAJOR, you grew up LA style and the cream always rises to the top. I’ve known you forever, as friends, as…y’know..;) …I read ya blog every day….and something just tells me that you’re on to smashing great things..’

‘Can I be in you next movie dude?’

‘As if you thought you even had to ask. 🙂 ‘

But yes, it may seem that I’m on a chill, yet it’s actually quite the opposite. i’m just celebrating life with the people that I *heart* and on a day to day basis getting my very normal ‘work’ on. *Pout.*

I’ve had some ace conversations today. So ace that now i’ve had nearly a bottle of red wine, I can’t remember them? Here are some snippets…

‘Yeah it’s much sexier if you say your girlfriends from Mauritius and not Hull.’

‘The filth drawers getting empty…’

‘Did you know that the fried eggs from Haribo are actually meant to be UFO’s’

‘Shut up dickhead. They’re fried eggs. That makes no sense, as why would they make UFO’s fried egg coloured.’

‘Just be awful to me Chrissie, I can’t stand it when you’re nice to me. It makes me blush and feel awkward. I’m the youngest of six. I come from a piss take family. We don’t do compliments…’

‘I’m losing the will to live here..’

‘I need a filling!’

‘Are these pear drops apple?’

This year, I am going to smash it…and for the first time in ages, I feel as though i actually know what i’m doing.

For the first time in ages, I actually KNOW that I know what i’m doing and i feel juiced!

So yes, I’m gonna work, cocktail and enjoy life for the rest of this merry March and then….

Oh Dollies…Wunna Land is going to *rev* shit up…and smashed the most glamorous ‘bastards’ out of ya’ll. *Giggles*

Kisses…

Chrissie x

ps/ I’m leaving you with this song, as it is firstly my 3 year old son’s CURRENT FAVORITE SONG and because Maroon  5, used to be my ‘across the balcony’ neighbours. They told me one night, when we were all really pissed, that their band would make it big. 🙂 🙂 🙂 I got trashed on tequila and cried over a boy as the drummer carried me to my apartment….

 

 

 

 

The Filth Drawer

Wunna Land has been infiltrated by ‘young boys.’

Mel: ‘Who are all these young boys?’

Fairytale Blond: ‘They’re not young! They’re 20 something!’

Mel: ‘That’s young to me.’

Right! Incase you were unaware. The ‘day to day’ of my existance, what I label as ‘Wunna land’ is filled with hot, sassy, glamourous girls, ladies and females performing the art of ‘Business.’ The chicks’ rule the roost’ in Wunna Land. We’re dymaic, we’re fun, we’re straight talking, loveable and all on each other’s period cycles. It’s how it IS and how it has been for a while!

OUT OF NOWHERE, Wunna land is now slowly being littered with YOUNG BOYS, which quiffs and suits…who can do Rubix cubes and who have Oriental Girl fetishes…

Double B,’ Well all his girlfriends used to be Oriental…’

Double D: ‘Well one was Chinese, another from the Phillipines and one from….Infact the last one was older tooo!

Me:’ Is that why you’ve been staring at me lovingly all day? Whenever I look at you you’re glaring at me.

Double D: ‘I like how Chrissie was nice to me FOR ONE DAY. Really nice and now she’s a total sassy bitch to me always. It lasted ONE DAY! Lol.

I’ve named the two young boys ‘Sellers’ and ‘Double D’ and firstly because… they both have the same name. (I know! As if we have Boy Helpers and they respond to the exact same forename.) And secondly, ‘Double D‘is related ‘Double B.‘ (I know…what a wacky concept. Double B wore her specs today. She looked all geeky and cute. I followed her down the stairs, this morning, telling her repeatedly, until she told me to ‘fuck off.’

Are you confused yet?

The good thing about having ‘Boy Helpers’ is the simple fact that one of them insists on trying to suck up to us.YES! THE GIRLS! I like him! He’s smart. (Even though he does have an older Oriental girl fetish.)

‘My mum says i’ll either have Oriental or Ginger children?’

I just blanked him, then sneaky smiled with laughter eyes.

I mean GOD, he even made Mel crack a smile this afternoon with a ‘you’ll do alright here,’ seal of approval..and that on it’s OWN is  LIFETIME accomplishment.

He did try and set his Mum on Mel. (Do note that he’s 20 something. 🙂 )

‘Honestly, i’ll bring my Mum in to have a go at you, if you call me that again!’

Mel: ‘I’m not scared of ANYONE’S MUM.’

Lol. I love that Mel can’t just be lovely to the new boy, with his rubbish banter skills. She has to threaten him when she fills threatened. Hahahahah! DYING!

‘I’ll set my Mum on you!’

Yet, jokes aside… All was fair in love and candy!

That boy FILLED OUR ‘FILTH DRAWER’ with a joyous and abundant amount of beautiful jellied, chocolately, minty DELIGHTS to keep us happy and to MAKE SURE that we were lovely to him.

If you follow this blog, you will know what the Filth Drawer is! If you don’t? Search it!

We’re Northern girls. We’re Yorkshire Girls. We’re glamour pusses, but oh my FUCKING GOD, we CANNOT LIVE without our SECRET DRAWER that is FILLED WITH ‘FILTH.’

Firmonnel: ‘I’m on a sugar high. I didn’t even eat lunch today, I just had a hot chocolate and scoffed sweets all day.’

‘Why does this taste gingery?’

I’m a grazer and i’m a MINT CHOMPER. I love any little bits of ‘munch munch’ that I can get my hands on out that filth drawer. But only hard boiled, crunchy bits will suffice. I’ll smash a bag of Marks & Sparks Assorted Mints in a wink. I mean fuck it, we had PEAR DROPS TODAY. How Old School and delightful!

But yes, I love ALL little sweet or savory *chompy* bits. Anything from wasabi peas to ……………………… (I can’t think of anything to put in that blank?) AND if you didn’t know, I constantly chew gum…like it’s my dinner. 🙂

Right, I’m home now and chilling. I fancy a wine and a kick back. I’ve loved being a girl today. We should embrace being female with hair tosses and pouts!

I’m just reading up about today’s crazy Westminster Attack. How terrible! Its shocking, isn’t it! My heart goes out to all those affected by the ‘mayhem.’

It goes to show you that you just NEVER EVER know what’s around the corner.

Enjoy the ‘now‘ of your life…and try not to take everything for granted. We all do. I know I do at times. It’s a shame that it always takes something shocking to happen to ‘wake us up,’ when as humans we should enjoy being ‘awake’ all the time…

 

 

 

Fun, Sasserillas & That Thing Called Life

‘There’s so much SASS in this office today! I’ve honestly gone out to buy a new car and a bunch of new suits simply because it’s all girls and all such a Fashion Show,’

…said the Newest ‘D’ to the little Burmese Glamour Puss, as ‘Firmonnell’ nibbled a warmed chicken fajita and we looked over the town from our glass windowed tower. (I had a pasty. It was really glamourous…honest!)

And tooooooooooooooooo right, Baby Boo! There’s no slumming it, without SASS allowed! Be armed with wit, charm and the best shoe game in town. Then with a *wink,* laugh off the drama and swirl it round with magIco!

‘What does Hasta Manana mean?’

‘Bananas.’

‘You should know Chrissie. Didn’t you have a Mexican Husband once?

‘I didn’t listen though did I! Why have you got a Rubix Cube?’

‘I can do it..’

‘As if! I totally fancy Justin Bieber simply because he can do a Rubix Cube.’

‘Ugh! You should fancy Will Smith. He can do a Rubix Cube.’

‘I do. I fancy them ALL!’

Now, that would be a jolly threesome to consider and I CANNOT THINK of ANYTHING WORSE at my age than the thought of a THREESOME. I’m more of a get married and enjoy a love swirl kinda girl, than I am a ‘messy threesome’ type. Now i’m 30 something. They gross me out. I just couldn’t be bothered, could you? I’d prefer to just hand out the refreshments or something? They’re never very ‘Arabian Nights’ are they? And more just in someones 2 bed apartment, by a washing machine and sofa.

Romance is alive.

Anyway, that wasn’t the point to my blog today.

Today I wanted to expressed how IMPORTANT IT IS TO JUST FUCKING HAVE FUN!

Jesus.

We all work so hard. Work all hours. Chase dreams madly. Stress out about the bullshit that life chucks at us and sometimes you’ve just got to stop the *running/chasing/dashing/stressing* and kick it with four wines, good times, great friends, love and family. Sometimes we just need to forgot about the ‘busy,’ the ‘money being made‘ the drama, the decimal points, the percentages, the targets and do life…LIVE, love with our heart on our sleeves and get lost in a swirl of magic.

I work too hard. Well I think I do? I’ll hit brick walls and climb over them with giggles and that in itself is a great talent.  So I’ll pat myself on the back for that, as I’m going through a really busy time.

Yet, I can work TOO HARD sometimes that I forget to enjoy having fun! AND WHAT COULD BE MORE DULL. What could be more unattractive, right?

Yes, i’ve got goals. Yes, I’m ambitious and driven. Yes, I KNOW that i’ll get there. But the one thing GREAT thing about me, is that I know how to have a good time.  I’m free! I know how to let loose, have fun and ENJOY LIFE. I have a great grasp of what life means to me and what I stand for…

Infact, the one thing that made this blog popular (aside from the telly stint where I tinkered with Paris Hilton and tried to be her best friend for ITV2) was the fact that openly had a blast I did and still do MY life, MY way and without being censored. And that’s real. That’s the good stuff. That’s the first bite of ‘MMmmm’ when you’re scoffing a great meal.

We’re in Spring. We’re headed for Summer…and it’s about time we geared our pretty selves up for a good flipping life!

Have that extra 2 drinks. Dance infront of your mirror naked. Buy that expensive new whip. Laugh out loud. Dip yourself in Luxury. Save for that Mulberry bag. Party the night away. Text that girl or guy you fancy. Chill with friends. Cuddle with your babies. Fall in love. Get ya hair did. Take that trip! Enjoy risks. Love new chapters. Trump out loud. Kiss a few frogs! Lay in if you want to! BE DELICIOUS! Just love whatever it is, that you see as ‘good times.’

We spend too much time stressing about bollocks and dream chasing and all that *panic button* jazz! We obsess over it, don’t we? When really, we forget that’magic’ that glistens from us having those ‘good times’ that gets us where we need to be.

I AM the single most ambitious girl you will ever know. I work hard. Yet, what i’m realizing is that sometimes, you’ve done everything you can in a moment…and once you’ve batted that glitter ball, across your flashy giant ball park, you just have to chill and let someone see it, catch it and realize that you’re wonderful.

So, yes! Make your mark on this world…But oh my GOD, have a blast whilst you do it! It’s that *glow* that makes you sexy!

Right now, I’m no so bothered about an audience, a follow, a ‘like’ a whatever it is? I’m having a great time with my chick friends, all the work that I have a bubbling and my time with my babies…and i’m loving it. I’m not worried about ‘an audience’ as it always always finds me…I feel really confident. I’m set for good things and if i’m not…I’ll live. 🙂 I’m gearing up for fun….and I intend to EMBRACE every single waking minute of it!