I’m on this crazy blog catch up and it’s killing me! Not having a cyber home to dilly dally my life out onto, means that I’ve bundled up all these juicy life events and emotions, that I know i’m going to have to report and well want to report, yet of course…i’ve not been able to. So bare with me. All i’ve done is keep note, write notes…which if you know how disorganized i am means that all i’ve done is jotted down ‘one words’ here and there, on random bits of anything…even the top wrists of strangers, that will remind me of the event and hopefully *trigger* me back to a moment…the moment. A great deal is actually happening or has happened to me…that now i have an overload of ‘notes’ that I NEED TO SHIMMIE OUT, like luscious greedy eyed…belly dancers…. immediately. *Smash plates here, just because you’re mad. Air kiss afterward.*
I rushed to a coffee shop, armed with a seed parfait, (and of course a couple of dresses that i picked up along the way from Topshop because they were divine and on sale…I even did a backwards run to buy them…a girls goddaa do, what a girls godda do *giggles,*) but yes…I was going mental, but honestly it’s fine. I’ve been writing out my thoughts ready… for the big old blog to get set back up.
LOTS HAS HAPPENED!
(I’m actually knackered right now, because i spent the entire evening not sleeping and instead Googling Shakespeare quotes about flowers and love. Lol. Makes a change from Googling the words ‘leopard print’ or ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ But yes…Bloom and Wild my most favourite flower delivery service in the entire world, and simply because they’re modern yet romantic. You should all be doing it. I mean, what is better than fresh cut flowers that you can arrange yourself!!! It beats the normal, yet still thoughtful bouquet…but yes, they were looking for a quote for their new packaging, so i went online to try and find a delicious one…but i got distracted, randomly obsessed with who i used to call ‘Shake a speare, Sister’ I have no clue why? However, anyway, I then Googled star signs for about an hour. I’m into that, if you didn’t know. I shouldn’t be…but i am. ‘Simple Ben’ used to tell me that it was all a load of pants…Yet, I adore the art of believing that the stars you were born under, may somewhat signify a joyous bundle of personality traits that you, as a delightful sexy human…are made up of. I am like a Dec 19th, Sagittarian Female.)
Anyway, today in my world it’s Sunday April 24th. (That is when i wrote this.) By the time this goes out it probably won’t be at all April. So, ill try and catch you up…
I’ve been chatting to a boy…the ‘new addition’ that has pretty much has placed himself in my mind…constantly. Remember, I have a one track mind, so when i’m focused, I’m focused. I’m not a wishy washy kinda gal, even though i play ‘wishy washy, often. Anyway, I’m amazed by him and find myself messaging him literally every moment that I can, that i have spare that I can find! I even get excited when i see those three ‘message dots’ in a bubble wiggling, which tells me that he’s replying to me. *I KNOW, I KNOW, I’M TRAGIC.* He’s funny, he’s smart…he’s lots of things and has pulled me in. I even told I’m that I owe him a ‘gold star’ simply for being ‘sooooo clever.’ 😉 I’ve definitely romanticized/ glamourised it all in my head…i know this… and i have told him that…HAHA. Yet i can’t help it. I’m like that aren’t I! I’m feisty, i’m sassy, but a chick who wishes upon stars and dreams of the fairytale. I don’t have it yet..but I WILL once day. To be honest, I think that i’ve managed to adapt myself appropriately to the life that i have lived, the experiences that I’ve had and the way that folk have treated me, the good with the bad. I do it well…and i’m happy, I’m fierce. I’m laughing at life! However, i’ve also noticed that i’m living in some crazy modern day age of dating, which is driving me NUTS. Jesus!
Obviously, It’s a Tinder, Plenty of Fish, world out there, be you 17 or 73 and it’s sooo frustrating.And yeah, i get it, people are busy or don’t get out much to meet others…I’m a busy girl, i work hard…but boys, men, all sorts DO still tinker my path, regardless. I hate online dating, and the stereotypical ‘i’m on a site’ chitter chatter. I’m not on any site but ‘Happn’ and i chose to be on that because I enjoyed the IDEA of the app alerting you when a guy you may like is LITERALLY crossing life paths with you,…in that exact moment. Some weirdo sent me a charm and i didn’t reply. I sent a Doctor a charm..and he didn’t reply. Lol. (This was yonks ago…it’s not that Doctor.) And well i just don’t go online like that to date, like the rest of my chick friends. Plus, i’m in a different position to them. It all just ends in ‘i’ve blocked you’ or the handsome has ‘signed off,’ anyway. Well that’s what my chick friends tell me. 🙂 What’s sexy about that??? I’m literally stuck in a weird time of ‘dating.’ Nothing seems raw, or romantic or like the fairytale i hope it to be?? I’m panicking a bit. I want to be wooed, cherished, respected and loved. I don’t want someone to send me a cyber charm or score me out of 10, then show me a picture of their willy. *Weeps here.* I’m too old for this shit. HAHA. Just a normal, works hard, amazing, loyal guy, who adores me will do…no ‘charms’…no ‘likes’ no ‘bitch i’ve blocked you.’
As we’re on about dating…
I haven’t talked to the Spanish Doctor in what seems like ages…I came off my 10 days and he came off his busy work week, had family stress and all sorts. I was meant to schedule a date, well a second meet up for the four days that I was off…yet during those days…he had already scheduled himself away to go caving in Wales, with his brother. I got this message..(Wait, let me find it on Whatsapp…?)
Me: ‘So what was it you said you’re doing this weekend?’
Doc: ‘Extreme caving underground in old mines, zip lining and climbing, with falls and jumps, on ropes at 1800ft on Sunday. Then i’m downhill biking on Saturday in North Wales. Wish u were in my arms now. I want to undress you as I kiss ur lips.’
All i did was chill with my babies all weekend, and drink inferior cocktails from a can. (The Pimms one is shit.) And even though, i internally decided that i’m going to see him again, the initial ‘flush’ of the connection seems to have dimmed a bit for me and i don’t know if it’s because of work and we both haven’t had time, or i’ve gone off him a little…as he seems more insecure about himself now. Lovely being,..but i like brave…or no that’s not what i mean, i enjoy truth…so if you’re not brave…you shouldn’t pretend to be and vice versa. He’s definitely not as attentive and I’m shattered i wanted time with my children this weekend and go it, so i’m please. However, because i gave him my word.. i was still prepared to see him, regardless..He’s busy and during his free time he wants to feel free and at one with nature. I get that he needs escapism. Yet he’s closed about things now. I mean he still tells me how much he likes me, how beautiful I am and how much he had thought of me daily..without fail and has asked that i see him one evening next week if i’m free. So, i know that he likes me. And when we meet we get on swimmingly. Yet we hardly get to meet, meaning the connection dims and i’m not a little girl like that, they don’t need to be on my doorstep and with me 24/7 by any means. I believe people need freedom to be happy. Yet if you actually liked someone with every inch of your being…the excitement you have for them, doesn’t dim, right? …And i hate saying that, as i adore the *swirl.* And i’m sure that if i visited him again…and I will…i’ll feel the swirl once more. Yet. that ‘swirl’ should remain regardless.
PLUS now, i’m kinda concerned about the ‘sexy’ aspect of it all. Lol. He’s very forward in the sexual department, I don’t know if he pushes it to hide behind, or he’s just a hornball and is excited by me…I’m certainly no prude…we know that. I’m sensual by nature and very in tune with that side of womanhood.Yet, i’ve got to ‘chemistry’ with someone more before i decide i want to (I was gonna say ‘bone them’ then, HAHA) well have sex with them. I mean God, if i had sex with every boy that told me they were captivated by me, i’d be………well just a dingle, dangle, dirty…. slag. HAHAH. (One boy messaged me yesterday rambling on about me being so fake, nasty and boring because i never replied to him. It started off by him asking me out…I said nothing, he had an entire conversation with himself…lol..got mad with himself and them BLOCKED ME. HAHAHAH. It was a charm to watch. I enjoy the madness of people, it’s literally so interesting to witness all sorts of reactions, when you do absolutely nothing at all. People are hard on themselves and without that guy actually knowing, he sort of accidentally showed me all his insecurities in one fail swoop. Still didn’t fall for it though. Prick. 🙂 )
But yeah, I don’t know what to do about the Spanish Doctor now? I’ll see him again and i know it’ll be lovely. I’m just not ready to share sheets with him…and i get that he’s hot blooded, I get the Latin temperament. I was married to a Mexican. Lol. (Once.) And i get that he’s clever and knows how to try to seduce me…but so am I…and it doesn’t work. (I’m getting a flash back now of when he *rolled his eyes* because I wanted to talk and he just wanted to snog me, to try and get in my pants. Lol.) I’m much more on the ball than others believe… yet i’m also schooled in the art of boys and dating. A department that he lacks experience in. So yes, i’ll see him and we’ll have amazing time…but i’m not putting out…and we’ll see how he reacts, as i think with busy’ness and everything else, like a mild distance…issues and all sorts…it’d end up being some kind of relationship where i’d meet him, he’d bone me and then i’d go home. And nothing is so snazzy about that. Wooing me is only good, if you potentially hope to love me…and never works if you’re ONLY trying to get into my frillies. I’m too clever for that. I’ll bite you. But remember he’s not a bad guy…he’s just been through a tough time with a alternate girl previously. I can smell it…