So today started off rushy and rushy days are awful, because any time you begin a day in that manner, it always ends shite.
I had a busy day at work. The good thing is that the babies couldn’t be happier. But i had a lot on my mind.
August 12th, 2012, was my wedding day and it kinda sucks, not in a bad emotional way, but because it reminds me of all the horrific things that happened towards the end of my marriage, that sort of made me (at the time…not now) lose faith in myself and a being that I thought that I was going to do life with.
It reminded me of the series of let downs that occurred and the times i cried and tried to piece everything back together just to find some kind of way to keep my little family together.
I’ll not got into it, because it was heavily blogged during the time and well because I don’t need to. It’s in the past and it’s over with and i couldn’t be happier now. However, I will say that to any chick who maybe went through the same sort of thing, don’t lose faith in yourself, or in love. During that time, he may have left physically, but I finally (and it takes me a long time to give in, as i’m soft by nature, but made of the tough stuff) left him emotionally, which makes me stronger.
I pulled myself together and I tended to my the babies, by myself and continued to push to make everything work for me…and it still did, to maybe an even better degree.
I cannot even stress to you, how important it is to refrain from dwelling on the past….as it’s the present that matters and how you frame your future. One of my biggest peeves about Keiran was always the fact that he never took responsibility for his actions and he was never someone that was happy enough for strong enough to just get over the little niggly things that occurred, forget them and make things right, for the present. He was someone that couldn’t move forward from them and i’m the opposite. I’m positive. And well i sort of knew that if he couldn’t deal the little things that a lifetime, of niggly things would not be okay, if i was to do forever with him.
So i’m glad all that’s over with now and if i’m honest, I think that I do well to actually be able to be friendly with him now, after ALL of that shite. That’s why he’s lucky we have Junior. If not, there would be no reason for me to speak to him again.
But like i’m saying, I could’ve taken that time and stamped it in my system as ‘HURT’ or ‘FEAR’ and decide to never ever partake in love, see marriage in my future, or anything, But i didn’t and i don’t. I think everyone has someone out there who is their soulmate and it’s just a matter of time, until they find you and if they are your ‘other half’ then they’ll always make it right, with love, no matter what. I mean, I still believe after all those failed marriages…that a guy..the right guy, can and will love me forever, the way in which i envision love to be. Simples! Chicks. Be strong.
It’s sort of like a status, I read, that compares girls to flowers. It said something on the lines of…when boy only ‘likes’ you, he’ll simply pluck you,’ but when he truly LOVES you, he’ll take care of you and water you daily. Treasure you…and do it fearlessly. It’s sort of the man’s role, without him knowing that he’s doing it.
That’s exactly how it happens.
But on the whole i’ve had a GREAT day because for the majority of it, i’ve been filled with EXCITEMENT, love and fun! I’ve planned my whole Friday out and i’ve enjoyed every inch of it…whilst getting carried away with utter glee. It felt great. In fact, if somethign or someone can make you feel awesome and excited, then you know it’s perfectly great for you.
However, then it all went a bit pear shaped…like it does and i blame my ‘rushy’ morning and I was quickly plummeted down a peg or two, to Planet Glum. HAHAH. I even did a cry! HAHA.
But i’ve had a wine, stopped being a drama queen and now i feel ace again. Sometimes you just need a silly release and once you’ve had it…you’re back to dandy.
I go through a lot mentally and emotionally…and it’s all cleverly dealt with, with panache.
In moments like this, you just have to ‘sleep on it’ and make it all better in the morning.
Big kisses ever,