It’s late. My body is exhausted, but i can’t for the life of me sleep. Argh! I’m still stressed because i just can’t seem to relax. I’m doing that ‘lie awake in bed thing’ and my stress rash is coming back! Hurrah!! If i could just find my ‘chill’ place…something that comforts my soul, i’ll be okay again…Yet i’ve had two very good and very busy last two days at work, (I’ve been a target smashing machine,) which on top of everything else has kept my mind ‘busy.’ I want to relax and need to, as i’m being completely aggro to others for no other reason, other than releasing tension. I can’t even do a cry and when you can’t do that, it also means that you’ve closed yourself off emotionally…for a bit anyhow and that’s really odd because i’m a highly emotional being. 🙂 (Not infront of you though. Lol)
Ruby’s stormed off and demanded to stay at her Grandma’s as she’ sure that my Mum won’t make her go to bed?? So, i’ve tucked Junior into my bed, simply so I can spoon him and feel loved. HAHAHA. That’s how sad i am. But i love it because I can do that stare at him while he’s sleeping thing. *Bliss…Bliss…Bliss.* He’s the littlest Wunna of us all, so pretty much gets babied… big time.
I’m behind on my blogs, but i’m gonna catch up. My nexy blog was meant to be all about Ben’s birthday in Leeds, because we all had such an amazing time…yet once i got home, I had babies to tend to and life etc etc…. and well it tired me out, meaning that I couldn’t find the correct mind set to just write a fun blog. And it has to be fun because it was all sooooo sooo fun! However, it’s coming..tomorrow (Friday, depending on when you’re reading this) and it’ll be a big one and to be honest it will be exactly one week since the affair, that it will kinda make it cool. (I can’t believe Ben’s Leeds do was a week ago already. Time really does fly!!!!)
Tomorrow (Friday) is my last day of the working week. It’s also payday, which I believe, be you rich or be you poor, it’s always a day that we all appreciate! I’m resting tomorrow and then probably out Saturday, if I can. But yes. i’ve got a lot on…to the point where i’m finding things to distract me, just to make sure that i refrain from losing the plot. Yippppeee! (I totally did or redid, my Bucket List today online, simply to find something frivolous to tend to. Blogging from The Bridge was actually pretty peaceful yesterday and rocked because I got to meet Ben and Rich for drinks afterward. Rich was actually really funny lol last night. There was also, ‘Wheelchair Dave’…who ended up doing a sick, after being left with me for 10 minutes and this girl called ‘Jess.’ Plus her two brothers. All very different to Me, all decent people…yet it turned a bit negative in the end Lol, to the point where Ben and I were just looking at each other, sat on the sofa, doing laughing eyes and sort of shaking our heads at life. It all started well because there was talk about tractor porn and superhero’s…than as they seemed to get drunker, it all started going tits up! HAHAHA. I mean there was even fucking tears! HAHAH)
I drove Ben home, after cheesy chips and was narky with him at the end of the ride. I hate it when i’m narky with people, because it goes against everything that I am or stand for. However, in life you’ve just got to trust that the people who adore you, adore you anyhow and can take a spoonful of forgiveness with a wink, smile and a ‘it’s all okay…bitch,’ It usually is, however, it doesn’t stop me from feeling bad. I actually felt bad all day because of it. I have no clue why? But I did. So, I did what any Glamour Puss would do…and didn’t eat carbs to punish myself. NOT! 🙂 I simply text him a ‘sorry’ because at least then I could redeem myself mildly and i knew that he’d forgive me because well…i’d always forgive him. Innit. Plus, who the fuck would by him cheesy chips. 🙂
I’m sat on my sofa. I can’t sleep. I have a free weekend. I’ve swapped days with Keiran tomorrow, simply so I can have the children near me, as I’ll not be going out.
I’ve noticed loads over the last couple days in people and well…now that I’m old, and look back upon the young, or even some that are edging into ‘oldie’ with me…happiness and love is all that people need. The young are never quite as grateful for the things that they have, and everyone really should be because i know from my life that ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN, AT ANY POINT, be it good or bad…and sometimes something that you thought would be there forever, may not etc…That’s why you have to embrace every inch of life and fill it with aceness and you have to notice who you have around you , as they’ll obviously be the folk who genuinely adore you and who quite blatantly the folk who don’t. You can kinda notice by simply observing as it’s never really about what people say and always really about what people do. Right?
Like a status that I saw today, I’ve fed mouths that have slagged me off and wiped tears off the faces that have caused me to weep. I’ve picked people up, who have tried to knock me down and i’ve done favours for people, where there has genuinely been nothing in it for me. But i’m always really really aware of you I have close to me and who I don’t because i can see through anything and i don’t even know how? But i do all that merrily because that’s just ME and if anything it kinda makes me happy because I really don’t know another kitten even half as strong and I do mean emotionally, as I couldn’t lift a bag of feathers if i tried. 🙂 *Wiggle…wink*
I just need to relax, be around love and once I do, everything will be okay again. The stress button will be relieved and work will go on as normal. HAHA. (Yes, i’m being dramatic.)
I’ll also tell you that there’s NUTS everywhere, and i couldn’t be more annoyed!!!! I’m allergic to nuts and LORD you don’t even want to see what happened the last time i ate them. YET, i’m annoyed because I love them and all around me, all i can see is Peanut M & M’s…fricking Snickers….all sorts of nutty delights, that don’t end up in a willy spurt.
Ps/ I’m glad you’re all sending in pictures of your boyfriends etc…to enter my Chrissie Wunna Lash competition. 🙂 I still have to blog about that also. But it’s making that side of my work, so much fun!
I love you lots. I’m doing well. I’m happy. And well you should all do a Bucket List too….