Boys, Babies and Flashbacks.

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I honestly don’t know how anyone who is capable, fun, blessed with a sound mind, happy spirit, a whole heart, great financial steadiness and is part of a twosome (even though it didn’t work out for me both times πŸ™‚ ) isn’t a Mum.

I mean, I always thought I was having so much fun and i was..don’t get me wrong *Wiggle…wink,* as in life there are stages, chapters, phases that guide you from your youth to Β your adult years, where in which you travel from a girl to a woman, from a boy to a man…blah, blah, blah…and all that good stuff. And infact, out of all my LA friends, I would be single most LAST human, in the whole of Hollywood that they would ever imagine, to have a baby, get married and settle down. I was too much of a kitty, a skin to the wind flyaway…one of those unobtainable, breezes of a girly.

Saying that, none of my gorgeous, gorgeous, lovely, lovely LA friends (my best friend in the entire world) all the same age as me, have at all settled down, had children and got married…apart from one. Maybe two. And i know hundreds. Closely. It’s just not kinda town. It’s just not that kinda lifestyle. Plus, one of my Besties Matt, who everyone thinks is dreamy, is still single and happy…at 34. He’s travelling, working, no babies…no wife, no girlfriend. Loving life. I remember him telling me how he had idolized his parents marriage, yet when he found out that his father had cheated on his mother and how secretly unhappy she was always…it emotionally disturbed him and made him terrified to commit.

I’m nothing like that. As you know.Lol. I’m a ‘get back on that pony’girl, because i don’t like to waste time on rubbish like fear and regret and i know how short life is and how warm I feel when my world is lit with passion. Β I love, love and it’s important to me, as is family. I’m a massive family girl…which no one ever seems to get about me, as i radiate glamour puss like a champion. (And i am a glamour puss…yet surprisingly you CAN actually be both.) So, i’ll always go for men who are of the same caliber. As obviously if you are not good with children and are unable to eventually step in as a male, fatherly role model…then you’re sat on my curb…in ‘friend zone’ for a really long time…and you guys would hate that…you’d all get really hungry.

(Having a hilarious flashback, of when my friend ‘Corey’ who i’ve named a lash style after…he’s a very VERY handsome male and well he wanted to bone me in LA, so when he was pissed, he got driven to my home and called me and called me until I picked up the phone.

I never did…because i found it funny and i could see him from my balcony, under the stars. The reason why i wouldn’t have sexual relations with him, is simply because at the time I had a boyfriend and my boyfriend was a close work colleague of his. Corey once came into work, on a day when he wasn’t working..we all worked in the same place..and right infront of my ‘at the time’ boyfriend, he sauntered up to me, said ‘You know why i’m here Wunna’ and passed me a tiny screwed up ball of paper…literally the tiniest ball screw EVER…on it was his number. Right infront of poor Eric. Who i was dating…

Anyway…back to the story, it makes me mad as i’m genuinely quite loyal. Lol. Corey Β must have called me at least 24 times in a row that night and left a message each time. ‘Chrissie…this is call 21. I’m not leaving. I’m really not leaving. Come outside…Caallll 22.’

I actually had my friend Matt, who was also my roommates bestie in my room, because he was staying over after a night out..so we were pissing ourselves, MADLY!! I mean, at one point Corey flipping whopped out a guitar from out of nowhere and I usually adore boys that can play guitars, and well he started serenading me because he had taken some kinda pill.

That night Handsome Corey, slept in a bush outside my LA condo, on Kings and 3rd. ALL NIGHT. Then had to book a cab via credit card to get home safely. PAHAHAHA. Hilarious night. Great flashback. All my friends in LA are wild and i adore that…and they’re also all highly attractive, so you’d never think they’d be such fools for fun!)

People judge hot people.

Hahaha. I’m now getting another Flashback of Halloween in LA, at The Abbey, which is a very popular gay bar, filled with every gay guy in LA and chicks like Paris Hilton and Christina Aguerilla, Britney Spears etc…I’d go eevery day. πŸ™‚ Anyway, it was Halloween and the ONLY STRAIGHT GUY in the bar, had found me and asked me out. I wasn’t bothered…but as I was leaving…and across the other side of the street, he was begging me to adore him, and told me to shout out my number. He didn’t have a pen or paper…so i figured this was safe. πŸ™‚

Shouted it out…and holy shit. Mike from Chicago, who thought i looked like ‘Lil’ Kim’ said, it was how his mother met his father, so he was a champion at memorizing digits,. Totally called my phone, as I was walking away. TOTALLY REMEMBER IT…and i was shocked as there was banter inbetween it all and I was far far away.

I was so impressed, as i only shouted it out ONCE and fast…so i let him walk me home. (I was really shallow back then so i didn’t like the fact that he didn’t have any money…at all. Like he struggled to buy coffee.)

Anyway…we got to mine and it was filled with friends. Greg my roommate was there and Matt was there. Lots of people were there. We went to my room to chat and I said that I wasn’t going to have sex with him…which he didn’t enjoy…so my roomie came in to make sure all was okay. So Matt called him a dick for not even having condoms on him, so in order to have sex with me, Mike from Chicago ran ALL THE WAY TO THE NEAREST GAS STATION, that was AGES away…to buy condoms because he thought that he would get lucky.

He got back and Matt had locked him out of my room laughing his head off. Poor sod. I just wasn’t interested and any boy will know if i’m interested in them straight away…as they’ll feel it, we’ll see it in each others eyes. There’s an unspoken energy isn’t there. A friendly chemistry that you can’t shake off. That’s how you know if someones the one, because no matter how hard you try to shimmie away the attraction, you just can’t…ever do it.)

I don’t know how i’ve gotten so distracted, but yes…

When i came home today, after a long work day and an audition…I pulled up into my drive and saw this…

 

I work a lot and i work really hard on everything, as i’m trying so hard to get on success mode and i’m finally doing it. I have a business that’s accidentally doing well…let alone the blog, my auditions, my normal job…life.

I’ll get in the end and i’m feeling excited.

But all the work and the time that you have to spend away from the babies, is worth it, when you get home and one second in, you see how HAPPY they are to have you home. πŸ™‚

That’s why all humans who can or are capable, should at some point be a Mother or a Father. It makes your world complete and gives you a reason to live, a purpose.

I’m one happy lady. x

 

 

 

 

At Junction 32 tomorrow….

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Soo, tomorrow Jenna and I are going to be at Junction 32, in Castleford doing a promotion with Heart FM and with a bunch of sunflowers. It’s all very charitable stuff πŸ™‚ and well you and your loved ones, be they big or small can come grow you own giant sunflower with Jenna and I, as part of the Ackworth Garden Centre ‘Grow your own Sunflower’ competition.

We really are awesome people, so you really should come visit us and grow Β flowers with us. Jenna was putting all the ‘what we must take’ bundle together before our day together ended and it was a mighty load of flowery/gardeny goodness. Pink gloves were involved, so i was totally IN. πŸ™‚ It actually looked really fun and mainly because it couldn’t be more random.

So come enjoy it…It’s Summer after all and everyone needs a Sunflower in their life.

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

Oh Lord

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Today, the first stranger that I spoke to decided to dedicate their time to adjusting my view on The Bible. This is never a good way to begin a Thursday with a stranger, however, i had spoken to this lady before and well, even though she has Bi Polar and she’s a forces The teachings of The Bible on others…she’s not so bad. I like her. I enjoy that she has a faith…as she seems quite lonely and loneliness is frightening to Me. (It’s only scary because you don’t have to be alone to feel lonely. It’s kinda even worse if you’re with someone, who makes you feel lonely. Luckily, right now in life…i don’t have that problem. I’m feeling whole. I’m feeling happy. But have time for others that may not.)

Anyway, this chick has brought me a ‘condensed version’ of The Bible,The Bible in Burmese and some other form of Biblical verse. I like her because she’s frumpty, and odd, which makes her interesting to me. I want to know what she does, when she is at home…after 4pm? I want to be her friend. Lol.

Plus, it’s not the faith that bugs me, as she couldn’t be more polite and i love polite people…it’s the ‘pushing’ of it that annoys me. Yet, there’s an unspoken imaginary line with me, where i don’t have to do anything and the other party KNOWS that i’ve had enough of the babble, even when i’m smiling AND DOLLS, THAT IS WHAT I CALL CHARM.

Then that lady got whipped away from me at the speed of light and placed infront of my path was this guy, a salesman…(everyone’s favourite type of douche,) who had put on the most phoniest ‘please please, i’m not being fake’ face on, whilst he began chatting to me about…life?

Now, I HATE it when people try to sell me things in a fake smile fashion, because i’ve met thousands of people in my life, if not gzillions and I grew up emotionally in the fakest town in the world, as in Hollywood. No chick from that town can’t smell a false dude out in a heartbeat, even when we humour you. But it lasted forever and he just kept doing ‘I’m a gameshow host’ voices at me and phony ‘buy my shit’ eager nods and fake smiles. It killed my soul and drained the ‘glamour’ out of the ‘puss.’

Yet, i’m polite, so i smiled along with him…before rejection. I’m a straight forward girl. I’m not rude, but straight forward. So, i’ll immediately make sure someone knows that i’m not interested straight away, if i’m not. However, I don’t like long winded ANYTHING…so if they choose to ramble on..i get grumpy.

Then like the GODS thought it was April 1st, before noon, they roll in a ‘obviously on coke’ lorry driver, who beams on in like the happiest man on earth, all over chatty, weird and perverted. He hit on me like there was no tomorrow ans just WOULD’NT GO AWAY. His pupils were like tiny dots, pin points and he was completely off his chatty, pervy face. He thought he was the most exciting human in the world…but he was dull. Party boys are over. All girls want that ‘hero’ these days.

I chatted sooo much that he even got my ‘brick wall’ face and that hasn’t come out in a loooong time.

Then i decided that i had been grumpy all day and well i know why, but i just can’t say and It’s annoying. UGH! I’ll learn.

Everything wound me up and everything made me want more in life…(I’m ace when i get like this, it’s apparently cute, until i’m bitchy.)

I think i was just tired and fed up. But you get those days, Now, that i’m home, i’m happy. I’m over the moon. I pulled up to the happiest little faces in all the land. (Then my dad came over and was evil to me.)

I’ve worked today, I’ve auditioned again today, i’ve worked on the lash line and ready to take it to the next level.

Right now, i’m feeling feisty, but i’m feeling ever so powerful, all at the same time.

It actually feels great because even when i’m a grump, i always know that i actually should be grateful, as a lot of people have it a hell of a lot worse.

Wunna x

Happy Thursday

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Morning all!

We’re almost at a payday! So whether you’re swimming in cash, or holding out with your last penny glued to your ‘Account Summary,’ until we get to Friday, or doing ‘just right’ for now. DO NOT PANIC! Don’t stress. Just enjoy life, forget about it. Be wise and KNOW that Friday is coming. Don’t not keep checking your account and fretting. Just make like a King and know that the fairytale ends well. πŸ™‚

Today, is Thursday and I even forgot it was Thursday because i always think we’re on Thursday when we’re on Wednesday, which is a tragedy in itself. However, tomorrow i have a doss work day, breaking down my week with a ‘Hurrah.’ Thank GOD! Today unfortunately, is no doss at all…so we’re chilling with a smile and getting through it, the best we can. Hopefully in good company.

I’m working all day and have an audition right after work. I have a lash line skype meeting and then i’m just going to chill at home with a wine.

The good thing about today is that i’ll strut on into work and Bev will come up with some new business idea that she believes we should take on, that starts with ‘if we won the lottery.’ It’ll start clean and end dirty. Then she’ll turn it into a money chat..which ends in laughter and the ultimate need for cake. (Which we only have on Monday.)

Talking dosh…Isn’t it weird how boys/men or whatever they preferred to be called believe that they can’t date chicks if they don’t have any money? I hear it a lot from my guy friends and get messages about it all the time. It’s so bizarre. But i guess their own personal view, teachings or experience with girls, have made them think this way?

From what i know…love is love and money is money. They’re two separate boxes and they shouldn’t be mixed into one big box, until it’s time for a true commitment.

I get that a lot from guys, because i think they see me as ‘high maintenance,’ when really i’m low maintenance because i can afford to look after myself, two babies and a man if i wanted.

I’m not even high emotional maintenance, because i’m more chilled than most chicks i hear of, so i don’t even know where that comes from?

But boys, yes ofcourse treat your girl. Yet don’t think you can’t afford to be with one. Just go over to hers and chill, if you can’t do a date. Wait until you’ve accumulated and then surprise her. Simples. Β You make it too hard on yourself.

And girls, even though i’m saying this. Don’t sell yourself short. Men should always be there for us, yet a lot of them these days take the piss. So don’t date a ‘no hoper’ who’s intentions aren’t honourable. He can be broke, but still honourable. Yet the piss take ‘you pay for everything boys’ are grim, as relationships are a two way build up. You both should be able to give and take. Not that i’m an expert. But really…via my track record. I am. πŸ™‚ I’ve dated some hardcore pisstakers and some really decent men. That’s why i always tell you ladies…to always hold your own.

But yes to everyone waiting for a Friday payday…don’t worry. It’s coming. Chill, relax, don’t stress and have a lovely night of rest. As soon as it hits midnight…you’re sorted!

πŸ™‚

Love you lots.

Wunna

ps, Thursday is always an odd day. So lets just get through it and be more productive than we thought. You should try to at least do one productive thing a day, that leads you closer to that ‘dream come true’ goal.

 

The List

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I still don’t like feet. I hate feet. I can’t stand MY feet. Your feet. Anyone’s feet. All feet and piggy snouts are terrifying. That is all. Everything else in the world is lovely. Don’t get it twisted. Oh! Oh! And sausage dogs. They scare me. Not as much as crossing roads used to. But yes, sausage dogs. Terrifying things. Are they a dog or are they a sausage, because being both is creepy? Maybe it just confuses Asians. Β I’m one of the only chicks to go out around Wakefield one night and return home at 8am, after getting thrown around a dance floor in neon….with a real life sausage doll. Scary shit. Hated that time of my life. At least everyone saved me, unlike my Saturday day date at THE BLACKY.

Other than that. I’m excited because life has gone back to normal. I’ve had a really chilled night and enjoyed myself, family time, work, blogging and a nightcap. Soooooooooooooo much better than being at the pub. I love a social atmosphere. Yet like i said, i don’t think i’ve been balancing it well of recent. But don’t fret. I’ve got it down. It’s all sorted. I feel ‘champion.’

So, i’m currently doing my list for my Summer party, which i now don’t want to be a giant party for everyone and just a super bouji dinner party in a rented out teepee/marquee. It may not be a dinenr party and more cocktails and food in my teepee of ‘glamourosity.’ Who knows? It depends on whether i want to spend thousands on it or not. Lol.

But i’ve started the list anyway, incase it ends up being a dinner party and so far i only have 24 people on it? But i’ll figure it out and it will be done WELL. Very Wunna. Very delicious. Very *wa woo wee.*

I love throwing a shindig, be it glammy or be it casual. So, i actually can’t wait at all.

However, i have a lot to do before then…meaning i’ll do a ‘Wunna’ and leave it all to the last minute, like i do my weddings πŸ˜‰ Β and in a rush ‘ace’ it out my arse.

Nonetheless. I’m throwing a Summer party very soon and well…i’ll see who else i can jab on my list. I like the ideas, the throwing, but no the organizing.

Ruby finally came home, after a day out with Pete. She’s happy wherever she is, but when he dropped her off, he was looking at me funny and not managing a great deal of eye contact???

Now Pete’s shy anyway. I’ve known him since he was 11. But we get on really well, for people in such a circumstance and raise Ruby really well together and with the aid of Keiran. It’s weird how well all three of us get along to be honest and it’s because i’m just not that kind of girl. There’s not that much drama. Just hissy fits, now and again. But on the whole…Wunna land is great.

Anyway…Pete was being all shy and weird. So once the ‘thank you’s’ were done and i got Ruby back inside. I sat back down at my laptop and realised that the whole entire time i was stood at the door, i had my whole blouse UNDONE, fully undone, with boobs out and everything!! HAHAHA. Poor sod. Lord knows what he was thinking. HAHAHA.

I didn’t even realise!?!

My mum was over to see Ruby and see just looked and pissed herself laughing. I don’t think she ever gets me, nor what goes on with men and I. I don’t even get it. I don’t get why i’m not happily settled. Lol. However, i do know that it worries her, as more than anything in the world, she will not ever want to pass, without knowing that i found true love. She needs to know that i’m loved and taken care of. But i’ll just never find someone who adores me the way i need to be adored. Lol.

But yes, Summer party. Can’t wait!

I know what i want, just don’t know if i want it to be chilled cocktails and a buffet, where people are forced to mingle and chatter to one another. Or if it should be a full on sinner party? Sinner party? Dinner party much? Whatever, i’ll pull it out the bag.

Help me please….

Wunna x

 

Quit being Dull, Forbidden Boats & My Summer Party

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I’m currently doing my favourite thing in the entire world, which is to throw everything out. Stuff will accumulate in Wunna land, not so heavily, but it’ll accumulate and i must kinda do it on purpose, just so i get to perform the art of ‘chucking it.’ I don’t hoard anything, not even my dignity, as you all pretty much know. But tonight, i’m on ‘chuck out’ mode, which means anything that i feel could go to a better place or just in the trash, will get bagged up, boxed up and lobbed out immediately and NOTHING feels better to me than decluttering. πŸ™‚

Now, i have no idea why this is the case, or why some dodgy guy stares out of his window into my home every night around this time (lol) but, it makes me feel soooo good. I feel liberated and you really do need to be careful around me, as i’ll throw out your pets and everything. I’ll go for it whole heartedly, until my thirst has been absolutely quenched.

I’ve also decided that everyone is being dull and no one is doing adventures with me. And i know that everyone is waiting for a payday. I’m waiting for a payday too, i’m right in there with you. Yet even when people have recieved a jolly old pay day, you all still want to be dull and not do an adventure.

I mean, if i think about the amount of people who actually randomly text or message me..(and i mean out of the people i actually know, the pervs don’t count) to do something fun, or suggest something that’s really normal that’s still sort of fun, is slim to none. Even if it’s just to go to the pub. No one EVER texts me…unless they’re drunk and already out. No one will ever be like…’Wunna, do you want to do..’ this, that or whatever….like EVER, if not NEVER. I’m always the one who finds the jollies and runs the text.

Why is that???

It annoys me. πŸ™‚

I mean, strangers want to fly me to different fricking countries every day for free and i can’t just get a mate to say, ‘Wunna…pub?’ How weird?

Anyway, the good thing is that on June 12th i’m going back to London to watch my Forbidden Nights boys, perform their show, on a luxury boat party, that is purely VIP and that will be cruising the River Thames. The Forbidden boys have just been on ‘Britain’s Got Talent.’ i’m a massive fan of their show and well today work mate Jenna and her bestie Demi out of the blue and in full force, said, ‘Wunna we’re coming.’

AMAZING! So excited! Finally people dedicated to ‘Out of Pontefract’ funnage. We’re gonna be treated really well. We;re going to be partying on a boat, watching the sunset go down and with the boys…and a whole bunch of other people, who have either won tickets or fancied a bit of ‘fun fun.’ And let me tell you, it is THE BEST NIGHT EVER.

The boat will drop us off at a VIP club in London and BOOM…the fun continues..FOR FREE.

Then we get back to the hotel, sleep off the party, wake up and venture back to Pontefract…like hero’s.

People should be more fun and do more fun things. I mean GOD!!!! Quit being annoying. Lol. Or quit ‘yes, yessing’ something and then not doing it. (Unless, there is a valid excuse or reason for it ofcourse.)

But you really do need to get out more and you really do need to embrace something new.

I mean, GOD, I’ll go to the forest, everyone nags on about wanting to come. I’ll say ‘come if you want’ and then when i’m there, everyone moans that i never invited them, lol and that’s why they’re not bubbling away with me in an open air hot tub.

Come. Text me. Have a blast.

Jesus!

Rant over.

I have a vodka cranberry.

πŸ˜‰

Another thing that i have and i have to organize it around being mUm, running the lash line, day job and auditioning, is my Summer Party.

I obviously think i’m P.Diddy and need to throw the best party in all the land to celebrate Summer.

People usually come to this…yet so many people want to come to this ‘not yet planned’ shindig, that now instead of doing it VIP in a club, which i should do really…i might have to rent out something luxury and throw my ‘Just because it’s Summer’ party there.

I don’t even know what to do??

There’s nothing even bouji around Ponty to rent???

Hmm…?

Nonetheless, i’m throwing a big Wunna/Summer party…and you can all come to play.

Just call me ‘Diddy.’

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Love, Life and Circumstance

Right! Much better day!

I’m focussed. I’m back in the game. I’ve worked and had a pretty great work day. I adore the people that i worked amongst, which makes any job worthwhile.

I’m back to being excited, I’m back to being me, i’m back to seeking adventure and i’m looking on the bright side of life.

I’ve just this second auditioned for a show. I have another audition on Monday. I’ve cooked and baked for most of the day to keep my giddiness calm and planned my awesome June, that is about to occur.

Y’know, you really can do anything in life and you really can change things around for yourself, if you just gather your thoughts, get your life going and be around the right people, be it a ‘cheerleader’ of a girl, or a ‘hero’ of a boy, or just pretty great friends, who are nothing but loyal and supportive. It seems like i spread myself thinly, but i don’t. I pick my friends…well…not wisely, but carefully, as i hate any tinge of negativity or boredom.

I’m pretty balanced, quite well rounded, so i look for that in others. Yes, i have a sense of adventure, (and i hate it when others don’t like to adventure with me, as i’m one who believes that the world is EVERYONE’S oyster and if i can aid that ‘ooh’ or inspiration in another being, then i always have a smile on my face,) however at the same time i’m pretty chilled. I’m someone that does my lifestyle both bouji and dead normal and that is what balance is all about. I’m no ‘diva’, although i might play a ‘diva’ and can see the beauty in anything. Yet at the same time, i’m no scruffy muggalug…and if i can do diamonds…i will. πŸ™‚

Today…i’m smiling. That’s what life is about.

However, i enjoy how everyone is shocked that i might be able to actually do the simpliest things like DRIVE A CAR, WEAR A PAIR OF JEANS, COOK A MEAL, BAKE A FUCKING PIE…SLUM IT WHERE SLUMMING LETS ME, AND BE A DECENT ‘OTHER HALF.’

It’s crazy. I’m a try to be good at everything kinda girl and don’t get me wrong, i’m hardly good at everything if anything. πŸ™‚ But I try and i do it with charm. And that’s what being a ‘Wunna’ is all about. πŸ™‚ Yet, I’m also not a human that just in it for me and there’s lots of humans like that, scattered all around the earth. I mean, Lorraine who i work with today, looked at me, smiled and said, ‘You’re just someone who loves to make people happy and it’ s because you’re happy.’ I LOVE THAT, as she’s the same way and i love it when people notice that, as it means they understand the way i work and it means that they also are wise. πŸ™‚

So, firstly, i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who’s reading this blog. I appreciate it soooo much more than you think and i couldn’t be more grateful for you following bits of my life. As really, I’m just this plonker from Doncaster, who moved to Pontefract, and dilly dallied in Hollywood, lived a little, loved a little, experienced a lot, had great parents, a good upbringing, who ended up being a model, and having a stint on the telly, only to find myself working a normal job, being a mum, coming back home, knowing what life and love is about, starting a business and accidentally doing well at it. I just so happen to write it out daily, well as much as i can…and for some reason…even though i can b heavily judged….it works.

There are times in life when i’m up and times in life when i’m down, but i’m never so down that i can’t pop back up in full force and understand why or where i’ve made mistakes and rectify them. However, i’m a being that always rockets up and only looks up to the stars when i do…and you all have it in you.

If you don’t like something about your life…change it. Fucking change it. Don’t scare away from it. Live it, be it..risk it…love it. Care about others, yet care about yourself at the same time. I’ve been through a lot and in my mind i’m the best friends, mentor, wife or chick any body could have in their world, as i’m soldier strong and the perfect human to push you to where you want to be in life and without it seeming like a ‘push.’ (I get it from my Mum.)

When i was married to Michael…he couldn’t have been lovelier. He was infact one of the only boys i’ve ever met, who i actually felt love from. Loyal, strong, soft, but talented. When I married Keiran, i felt loved, i will say that, i felt very loved at times, yet he was less stable emotionally and part of him feared a lot of things in life, that i am ever so confident about. I don’t enjoy a rollercoaster, even at the best of times, even though i’m very emotionally equipped to handle them. I don’t like them. I don’t enjoy people who hide from past hurt, instead of looking brightly at the future. I don’t enjoy a strop. I don’t enjoy any of that, who does? I don’t enjoy bad manners, or people who just can’t get their shit together or see a light at the end of a tunnel.

And in a man, i need them to be happy, soft, yet strong and mighty. Comfortable in their own skin, and they have to be brave enough to adore me, without fear. (Dodge has just sent me a message telling me that he’s currently watching my ex hubby ‘Mike’ in his new favourite show ‘Once upon a time.’ How weird’s that! Just as i had written about him.)

I don’t think i’ll be blogging my love life ever again…haha…because i guess sometimes some things just need to be kept private. πŸ™‚ Not everyone has lived the same way as I and i get that. Not everyone is that open. I think that i’m lucky that i am. But Yorkshire’s a really bizarre place for anything ‘bizzy.’ I get that though, so i now have a private box…that i’ve slapped a gummy sticker on that simple reads ‘JUST FOR ME BITCHES.’

I have a busy June, but a happy June and it begins in the forest IMMEDIATELY. I only have 3 more days at work and then that’s it. I’m pretty free for fun also, as Keiran is spending his time with the children before i take them away with me, which is only fair, as every child needs their father in some way and i never want Junior to grow up thinking that Keiran never cared, as Keiran in the end didn’t love ME, but always, always, even at first when he found it too much loved Junior and well we’ll never be back together as far too much awfulness occurred, yet i’m glad that after all of that ‘mumbo jumbo’ i’m a human who can still find it in myself to forgive, forget and get on with it.

Marriages are really tough things and something that i’d never jump into any ever…’just like that.’ Even though it may seem like it’s my funnest thing to do. πŸ™‚ I’m much smarter at 34 (honest) and well…it’s important for me to nurture something slowly and calmly over time…that burst out like a firework from the Heavens with a ‘KABOOM.’ Don’t get wrong, as i’m ‘KABOOM’ as it comes. But not really…well…when it comes to life decisions. HAHA. I mean if a guy can’t stand there and look at me like he couldn’t ever be with a more amazing women for at least 3 years, let alone 3 weeks..then i shouldn’t be his wife ever. I get that now. HAHA. Oh shut up. It took me some time. I’m just a sucker for being whisked off my feet. Yet even though i’m independant, i’m also a chick that needs a guy. I need support. I love and crave home life. I’m excited by it. I’m one of the girls, i’m one of the boys, i’m a mum and i’m a hard worker. I completely adore fun and luxury, at the same time as being chilled and nurtured. In the end…everything works out more than okay and i know that. It’s not just something i hope for.

Junior’s birthday is coming up. He’s gonna be two on June 1st an di can’t even believe it. He’s adorable in every way and i well when any mummy has a son, your entire heart melts for them, especially when they are the littlest ‘Wunna’ of the bunch. God, he’s yummy…and gets away with ANYTHING.

Ruby however, is my girl. She’s my everything and the little girl that saved my entire life. She changed it completely and made me who i am today. I look at her grow every day and i can’t even nearly describe to you, how lucky i am to even have her in my world, as my own, as my little girl, best friend and life. She’s headed for a hard one, because i see myself in her ALL THE TIME, but if i can make every inch of her life that much easier…then i will and that’s what i love about being Mama Wunna. I’m there ‘go to’ when it comes to love. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

 

 

 

 

 

Square one

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So, i’m just gonna sum my bank holiday weekend up with drinking and socializing. Met up with friends. Did lots of drinking, Had lots of fun. Ended up in Alley ca zams in Pontefract, with old friends, doing cocktails. Fun night actually. But no one was on the Wunna party bus. However, still, I’m grateful for a good time…and i’ll give it that.

I worked today, both day job, audition and lash line. And yeah it was hard to go back to day job after an actual 3 days off in a row, lol, yet it’s worth it. I work hard. But now, i do think it’s time to begin to fully empire build, as i’m in a really great place. So, even though i’ve just come back from a Quiz night at my favourite pub in Pontefract, the ‘Tap and Barrel,’ where i enjoyed a pate board and lost the quiz by 3 points…whilst hanging with good friends and in my head sort of reminiscing about the past. (The dude with ‘quiz joggers’ came in and ruined lives. Y’know, what i mean, those quizzers that go around just doing quizzes all the time, but this one in joggers…and well they win every quiz non stop, meaning i don’t get a look in at prizes…which annoys me when winning means booze.) Dodge had chaffing nipples. Luke didn’t smoke. Paige had just finished at KFC and Tony was glum because everyone says he’s a ‘snake.’ We didn’t win at all and just ate some sandwich platter where in which we were told to ‘find the pork pie’ that was hidden under a bunch of junk food. The prize being pickle. (That would only happen in Ponty.)

Right now, i’m feeling so, so. Like i’ve completely concentrated on the wrong things and let my focus go astray. I haven’t really been treated as well as i think i should’ve…and often…and when that happens, it isn’t a bad thing, it’s great because it makes me withdraw, relook at my drawing board and get my priorities back into place. Which is something i need to do massively.

I’d say, two months ago, i was feeling much better than i do now and i’m not feeling bad, as i’m ever so lucky in life…yet feeling somewhat disappointed.

Right now, everything shuffles into place and everything gets back into order. What have i even been doing?

I mean for a human to feel whole, they have to feel loved, respected and powerful, in what ever field makes them feel mighty that isn’t with sour will.

The good thing about me is that i’m ace at pulling back, and reassessing. So that’s what i’m doing.

Life is going well.

However, I don’t think that i’ve made priorities out of the people who love me the most and the things that are should be in the forefront. I do that sometimes. We all do.

But i’m back on track and sorting it out.

I could tell you more if i could be bothered.

However, right now…we’re getting back to Wunna land and and getting back to square one. This time next week i’ll be bubbling away in a private hot tub, that’s immersed in the open air of the forest and for anyone that is stressed, or works a hard, long or even short job, it is the perfect way to unwind. I cannot even describe to you, how wonderful it is.

So for now…i’m off. But remember that i adore you always.

x

 

My Date Day with Vickie…and cunts.

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Yesterday was such a glorious day and even though i was hanging, I sort of felt all bored and lonely and really missed having fun. So i was forced to find it…but after I had found a decent Bloody Mary, which might i tell you does not exist in Pontefract.

In LA, after a great night out, we’d all go for morning Bloody Mary’s, as it is THE BEST hangover cure, in the world ever. Yet the Bloody Mary’s in LA are divine…in the sun. I had mine at The Carleton…on my own..and it was SHIT. However, it funnily enough worked. I felt wonderful afterward.

Plus, after such a shit night. I kinda needed and just enjoyed having that alone time,that Β quiet ‘me’ time…time where i can just hide away and chill, without feeling ‘oh show.’ Β I actually really loved it. πŸ™‚ I had an awesome time. πŸ™‚

I actually chatted to my mate Tony whilst i was there, who’s currently in Newcastle on a stag do, that i refused to go on because i’m a girl. It sounded like the quiestest stag do in all the land. But i’m sure it perked up, as they had strippers booked for 2pm. Tony has this inability to know the difference between a stripper and an actual prostitute. He’s actually been punched out for such a mistake previously and will continuously get punched out, until he learns his lesson. LOL. Him and his mates are meeting really classy birds, as one girl stripper bent over on the dance floor, with her whole bum out and ‘holes’ on show and everything…and his friend casually actually put his finger in her! EWWWWWW!!! HAHAHA. I’m not sure what to say, other than there are places to get finger blasted…and well..no…i just have nothing to say. πŸ™‚

Long story short. I love Vickie and I have only really first met Vickie a couple weeks ago…but we got on really really well when we met because we have the same sense if fun, humour, politeness and just manner. I’d said that i was gonna take her on a ‘date’ and well the sun was out, life was worth living…so i sent her a message…and BOOM, within 30 mins, we were both at the Tap and Barrel, enjoying beer garden weather with fruity beer and wine.

It was BEAUTIFUL and we were having the BEST TIME EVER, chatting about boys, life..’doggin’…and all sorts. πŸ™‚ I like Vickie. Infact, I Iike Vickie a lot. And it was kinda nice to just be around a girl. A happy, fun one for once. Instead of always being surrounded by testosterone and I wanted to treat her simply because i believed she derserved it.

As always ‘beautifullness’ got out of hand…as we left the Tap and Barrel to meet other chicks (Anna and Paige) at ‘The Blacky.’

OH MY GOD, WAS THAT THE BIGGEST MISTAKE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. If i actually knew what was about to occur, i would’ve rather rammed my head into 20,000 brick walls with nails in…then gone to The Blacky.

But God hates us and well we HAPPILY SKIPPED OVER THERE, IN THE SUN, WITH SMILES ON OUR FACES, LAUGHTER POURING OUT OF OUR SOULS…STRUTTING LIKE WE OWNED THIS TOWN.

To be honest, when we first got to the pub, life was still beautiful. We enjoyed more chatter, drank gin, sat outside and just giggled. It was AMAZING. Every inch of life was brimming with delight and i could tell that we were maybe getting a little pissed because we were laughing like the world belonged to us and decided that we should get married.

In fact this idea stemmed from the fact that we thought we should go to a wedding store, try on wedding dresses and just so we could selfie ourselves and send the pictures to Spinky (who Vickie dates) and Ben (who doesn’t want to date me Lol) to ‘the boys’ in order to completely freak them out, so they think we’re completely tapped. πŸ™‚ That’s what we find funny. That’s why we get on. We’re fucking idiots.

Instead, just tagging ourselves at the Ponty Registry office to get married and then tagging ourselves at Terminal 4 at Heathrow airport to go on our honeymoon to Bermuda felt much easier. But we were LOVING LIFE. Laughing at it. In absolute glorious stitches..and just in love with one another on our fake wedding day! Anna joined us. People were out…

Then a cunt came along and ruined it all. πŸ™‚

And when i say ‘ruined it all,’ i don’t mean *giggle..giggle* ruined it all, I mean Vickie and I got absolutely SERIOUSLY heavily verbally abused for about an hour and half by a balled drunk..to the point where we had to leave, because it upset us. HAHAHA. I mean i can’t even get FAKED MARRIED AND IT GO OKAY! FFS!

So get this…he shows up, he starts talking too close to may face, feeling boobs and then continously calls me a ‘nig nog’ and rambles on about me not being white and then turns to Vickie AND begins to call her a ‘fat cunt’ continously…(there was LOTS MORE THAN THIS, BUT THE STRESS THAT THIS EVENT CAUSED WAS JUST TOO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT LOL)

He went to town on us! But really. Like he was really really nasty and it was for ages. And it was especially awful because Vickie and i are both really laid back girls, we’re girls to be able to take a joke, we’re girls who are fun, but polite in a Β laid back, smiley fashion and we’re girls who aren’t going to make you feel like shit.

SO, he was being HIGHLY abusive, verbally and psychically…(yeah he was a pisshead and yeah everyone kept calling him soft..but the stuff that he was doing and saying to us was AWFUL. I got PUNCHED!He fucking punched me. He had VIckie in a head lock. NO one did SHIT! He was feeling my boob up. Trying to kis Vickie. Calling her ‘A FAT CUNT’….and calling my and my ‘pussy’ a nigger…continuously. He was grabbing us…and swearing at us…fighting with us and to the point where we were sooo uncomfortable, that we were no longer having a good time. It was awful. I can’t even describe how awful. I mean we laughed it off….but it wasn’t lovely AT ALL. I mean, I don’t think i’ve gotten that abused in an hour for ages! HAHAH. Plus, he kept grabbing us and pulling us and trying to kiss us…and PUNCHING ME…and well i’ve never been that racially abused ever. Plus, he kept telling me he’d give me a tenner for sex.

It was sooo awkward that the ENTIRE BEER GARDEN AT THE BLACKY, just paused, turned around and watched it like a show. I mean, some other girls at another table threw a glass at his head to shut him up because he was being such a douche to us.. He then called Anna a specky bastard (But Anna had anger issues…and fucking LEFT Vickie and I to get tortured by him, as she went to sit by a guy for help! LOL.)

Now, he had Vickie in a headlock at one point, and she’s just not a headlock kinda girl and it was just such an awful time that we needed it to stop.

NOT ONE PERSON STUCK UP FOR US, WE HAD NO BOYS AROUND US WHO CARED ENOUGH TO STICK UP FOR US…(which when you’re a girl is the most annoying thing ever. I mean, it got so bad that she even text Spinky…and we would NEVER do that. LOL.)

And it sort of made us devalue men…because how can they just sit around and watch chicks get punched and felt up?

Things sort of settled and Anna came back…he was now sat at the tanle just verbally abusing us, which seemed much better than him being violent and handsey…lol…

THEN OFCOURSE PAIGE ROCKS IN, skips in, like the cast of come alternative High School Musical…in her BRIGHT RED, PULP FICTION LEGGINGS. (Now, I haven’t really hung out with Paige much. She’s only met me twice…and well Anna told her not to worry as i’m apparently really nice… πŸ™‚ )

She walked in and Vickie and i were so stressed out…and didn’t want to attract anymore attention to ourselves, let alone have Paige be abused, so as soon as she got to the table, Vickie shouts, (and like we were in a war zone)

‘SIT THE FUCK DOWN.’

I just looked at her and in distress said,

‘Wow, you wore the WRONG leggings.’

It all got heated again, to the point where Anna was now swearing at the guy, he was swearing back. Paige DAREN’T EVEN STAND UP…because he wouldn’t let us…and she had ‘the leggings’ on. HAHAH. They both ran off and LEFT US AGAIN to hide by boys.

And well, it all got too much that Vickie and we just left. We eveb told the staff at the Blacky that he was being really abusive and that he had called me a ‘nig nog,’ called Vickie a ‘fat cunt’, punched me and had a glass thrown at him…and they didn’t do anything. πŸ™‚ Just told him off a bit.

We just left and went to get cocktails at Alley ca zams, where in which I daren’t even tag us in, in case he found us! HAHAHA.

We were really stressed and so i bought us cocktails to ease the pain. I even had to stand in order to feel dominant for a second.

EVENTUALLY we got happy again and loads more girls joined us, Anna and Paige ventured back. We sang shit songs, drank fruity drinks, talked about marriage, and a burlesque dance off…Anna wanted to try and out ‘helicopter nipple tassle’ me..and then coke heads came and caused more fighting. UGH!

By this time, the stars were over us and night had comforted us. (Meaning we were pissed and well it just turned into the BEST GIRLY NIGHT EVER. We were laughing, loving life talking chicken, about being fisted and embracing Ponty.)

I don’t think any of us had laughed that hard in weeks and sometime sin life who kinda just need to not panic, let loose and just have fun. It was awesome to be around girls again…and it was just a happy moment of freedom…down an alleyway, with cocktails.

Paige (who’s ace and works at ‘KFC, yeah you know me.) Said the two times she’s met me, the first things i’ve said to her were,

‘Fucking Biggies Bitch.’

And

‘Sit the fuck down bitch.’

HAHAHAHAHA.

(‘Aww, yeah, you’re really nice Chrissie,’)

Just loveliness happened then and well Vickie and i left early as she had Spinky and ‘fisting’ Β to tend to…:) and well i had no one…LOL..so just went home.

What a fucking night.

I need bank holiday drinks.

 

 

 

 

 

Friday Fallouts

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So, Friday I worked hard. I worked my arsed off, I even went over my normal hours and worked an hour extra against my ‘party’ will and I did all that for FREE. It had been fun, but the longest work week in history, not to mention that I had rolled off a straight run of days, no days off, spent the evening doing my lash line, going through love life issues and then raising the babies, to keep their hearts whole and their faces smiling.

It was a long week. SO long that Bev decided that instead of our long work week, we were going to set up a ‘breast feeding…adult baby’ business, where punters could come suckle Wunna/Walker breasts and have their nappies changed for the bargain price of five hundred pounds a pop. This is what our work week reduced us to. πŸ™‚ But look at Chloe Mafia, she went from the worlds biggest chav in Wakefield, to now running a million pound business and chilling in her LA mansion with her super rich husband.

‘But Bev, would i have to work bank holidays and do they get a bacon butty afterward?’ Said, the little glamour puss, to her work friend with tremendous ideas for all start up business plans.)

‘Wouldn’t we charge extra for bacon?’

‘Well, the bacon’s more for me, than the punters. All that breast feeding will make me hungry.’

I’d be the worst person ever for such a business, as i’m far too lazy for to be bothered to entertain pervs. Infact, I’m naturally charming, but not at all flirty and most people would think that I AM quite flirty, yet due to the nature of my previous occupation…i am highly aware of the dangers of giving a guy the WRONG impression. lol. In fact, being a glamour model…made it my job to give a guy the wrong impression. And with that…came DRAMA. πŸ™‚ Hurrah! Therapy for everyone!

The good thing is that i’m weirdly quite emotionally grounded to be able to handle, what i call ‘the willies.’ I’ve always said that the fantasy of ‘Chrissie Wunna’ is really different to this chick named Chrissie Wunna. I’m not different. Yet i know that people sometimes may get it twisted. I mean, GOD, i’ll wear a pair of jeans and everyone will die of utter shock and horror. Lol. (I got told that I looked like a ‘painter and decorator’ yesterday, when i wore jeans out. Lol. They wanted a quote on four walls? Hahaha.)

Anyway, all this…well It makes dating for me really difficult because i always wonder if the guy is mentally going to bed with ‘Chrissie Wunna,’ or if he’s been clever enough to strip all that away and go to bed with this chick named Chrissie…who he securely adores for lots of other reasons.

Like my guy friend Tom, from ages ago in London, used to say, that because men apparently initially see me, fancy me or whatever…they actually get a bit scared and see it as too good to be true (i have no clue how accurate his vision is, as he teachers PE and doesn’t know Cupid,) …But he believes that with me, boys have to get over the initial ‘boning’ phase with me…as it’s all ‘ooh she’s hot and i need to bone her.’ Everything’s willy led at first and not even in a nasty nasty kind of way…just in an honest, passionate way…and apparently once they’ve got that out of their system and sex or initimacy has been successfully done and dusted…they calm down a bit…and are then able to get to know me properly, for who i am and then like me in all kinds of other ways…without panic, frustration or angst.

Yet he says, because i hardly ever date and hardly ever, just sleep with boys. Men can never get out of ‘the phase.’ The initial ‘boner phase.’ Which always circles their emotions around ‘Chrissie Wunna’ rather than just seeing me for this chick named Wunna.

I feel like the girl who has everything…and the girl who’ll achieve everything that i set my heart on. Yet the one thing that i want…which is to eventually have this amazing life partner, who can i can do ‘forever’ with…i’ll never ever have.

*Get the violins out.* πŸ™‚

But yes, i’m not gonna lie about it. It upsets me. (I’m a hopeless romantic. Even my mate ‘London boy’ used to say, ‘Chrissie literally sees love in EVERYTHING.’ That was before he called me a ‘big head, fuck’ and stopped talking to me because he had more in common with a witch who killed her husband. πŸ™‚ )

Anyway…

Friday, i was shattered, but i was determined to get out and play simply because as soon as i walked out of those doors, i wouldn’t have to be back in work until Tuesday. Yes, i have the whole bank holiday off. I know!!!

I was meeting friends out, my work friends also, so i slipped into a little dress and got my party face on.

IT WAS RAMMED and because the races were on. Literally ‘couldn’t get a drink’ rammed.

But the thing about the races is the fact that town is filled with hundreds of men, dressed up in shirts and ties…which makes all boys look a hundred times more attractive, right? Now, being drunk and being skilled at making sure my friends weren’t getting bamboozled by chavs in ties…was difficult, as you can’t just plonk a tie on a chav and all of a sudden he’s ‘George Clooney.’ (Not that anyone in Ponty is that hot. πŸ™‚ )

So i made it my mission to judge all boys on their jumpers. I did a really bad job of it because i got really pissed. I should never be in charge of picking boys for people. (The other thing about town being packed with boys, is the simple fact that it makes my life more annoying. It was like being some slutty pied piper…who just had boys following her through the cobbled streets with boners.)

Once we all got situated and we hid away with my friends. Life was good again. We did yager bombs, to make ourselves feel better, danced a bit, and after some 18 yr old girl slagged me off, quite loudly, right next to me in order to look…well not 18. But i sat on my glamour pussy throne, chatted to Jenna and eyed smiled through it, with a ‘oh honey…’ I’m not really fighty and because i’m Wunna. It’s not worth my while, but most of all it’s because I’M POLITE. Bad manners in people kill me.

Anyway, drinking, drinking, drinking, a chat, more of my friends turned up…drinking, drinking, drinking…then ‘Biggies.’ I hate Biggies. More jumpers. More drinking.

And then because the place was rammed, some girl accidentally walked into me and it made me spill my drink..it sort of flew out f my hand, up into the air and all over the floor.

I THEN SLIPPED ON MY OWN SPILLAGE AND FELL ON MY ACTUAL BUM, WITH MY BACK ON THE FLOOR AND MY LEGS IN THE AIR! LOL *Cringe.* And i couldn’t get back up because my heels kept slipping. AND TO MAKE IT WORSE NO ONE EVEN HELPED ME. (Hahaha.)

I’m getting pretty sick at this, no one ever helping me thing, as i’m a pretty helpful girl. I’d do ANYTHING to make sure that the people i adore are okay. But if i’m about to get mouthed off at, shoved, punched, or even just falling everyone just watches it like a show…or snapchats it to their mates. Lol.

Afterwards, it was time to leave. You get to that point in ‘fellas’ where you just need to fuck off home. Ben and i ended up getting cheesy chips and chilli sauce..but i didn’t eat mine because i just simply couldn’t. I tried to leave them at Natwest, but he ate them anyway.

Then Jaz and her ‘almost hubby’ arrived. We all got into taxis. THEY ALL FUCKING LEFT ME ON MY OWN, to get hit on my a random guy with blood dripping down his shirt, who popped out of nowhere and liked girls from Thailand.

Then that was it…i was done with Ponty. πŸ™‚