Just doing life early…

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Life is AMAZING. It couldn’t be filled with anymore Christmas merriment. However, it is currently five o clock in the morning…i’ve been laid awake since 4.48am, my alarm is not even set to go off until six and when that happens…it means you subconsciously have a troubled mind. I’m at work in 3 hours, so being up since 4am isn’t going to work in my favour. Lol. But what is wrong with me? I’m happy. I’m doing great. The babies are cheery and asleep. I’m up? Laid awake and everything??? I’m not even drunk…so i’ve annoyed myself with the simple fact that in the bottom of my dungeon of a glitzy head 🙂 (made no sense) something is troubling me. We all know that it’s only my love life…

So whatever, i’ll live. Pity party over. Cupid digs me. I just keep falling for the stupid shit, again and again. HAHA. Yet this time…now that i’ve thumbed through my dusty ‘past’ files…it’s seems there’s a hidden gem wedged in there afterall. That hidden gem…is ME. 🙂 They’ve all been lucky to have a bit of Wunna swirl into their lives. Wahoo!

Away from all that. I have a great boss! We all got thoughtful, actually awesome Christmas gifts of ‘thanks’ from him, which says a lot about a being really. Most bosses, just give you a kick in a knackers with a ‘happy working ALL Christmas rota.’ My boss gave us gifts of ‘thanks.’ (And ofcourse a Christmas rota. 🙂 ) Hurrah! Yesterday, I bought everyone I work with a Lottery ticket instead of doing Christmas cards this year. I’m rubbish at getting cards to people, that i always think end up in the trash, so i tried to be creative and instead purchased each person an opportunity to be a millionaire…signed ‘Love Chrissie.’  Lucky dips all around!!!

Talking about luck, I have an ace bunch of days off, which makes me super smile simply because what my babies miss and need more than anything right now, is just that moment where Mummy (and in fact Daddy) do nothing, no work, no business, no drama….and instead just sit down with them both and show them HOW MUCH we adore them. I’m dying for baby cuddles, where i’m not disappearing in the next hour to take care of business or rush to work.

Oh and I say ‘Daddy’ simply because Keiran’s  now back from a massive working away schedule, so he hasn’t been able to really see the children, which will hurt anyone’s heart really….I’m luckily because no matter what, i ALWAYS get to come home to them. I’m there number one constant life fixture and it means the world to me.

So, anyway, he called yesterday and we chatted about work, life and new phones. Then I recalled him back as promised, when i got home with the babies…and well it was one of those weirdly wonderful family moments, where in which everything seemed back to normal again.

The babies were in the bath..Junior was playing and giggled and chatting to ‘Daddy’ via video phone. Ruby was quite quiet and i knew he would be, because if anyone missed Keiran, it’s her. I think part of her resents him for leaving her..with me. (HAHA.) But yesterday she took her resentment out on him by being oddly quiet.

Anyway, all was normal and well…then I saw it. JUST as the phone convo was about to end, Junior decided to jump up covered in bubbled and madly wave with excitement, blowing kisses and shouting ‘Bye, Bye Daddy!’

Keiran sort of looked at his screen….and said ‘That’s my little boy,’ and with that came secret tiny ‘i miss him so much’ tears. I saw them, as i he tried to wipe his eyes away from the screen, They were the same tears as the ‘wedding day isle walk’ tears…but less hysterical. So that means in his heart he cares very deeply about the children and his family…even though it’s all unglued and separated. And it must be really odd for him to be taken away from his surrounding home life, or work life and he plunged into our at home family life, via facetime /video phone because not only was it filled with life, bubbles, laughter and excitement and life that HE created….but it also used to be HIS life, HIS family…and…well…I guess all i’m saying is that it must be hard for him. I saw that it was hard for him…and it actually made my little eyes fill up with baby tearies.

I’m in a happy place right now. This time last year was heart breaking for me and i was placed on an emotional rollercoaster without a seat belt or gin. In fact, I think we were both lost this time last year and that we’re both in a better places emotionally…as  now when we speak, we’re getting on a great deal better than we were before. We’re being adults…which helps when we’re trying to parent. And, i think that 3 weeks of being away…as he’ll usually have or see the children twice a week…killed him.

So, i’m open minded about everything…Happy that he’s getting to take the children out and about today whilst i’m at work, but i will say that I saw his ‘i miss the babies’ tears, which as always is a good thing.

It’s always the little things that I notice and never the big things that we often use as a distraction to hide the small things. I remember the little things…

Anyway, i need coffee immediately. My alarm goes off in fifteen minutes. Lol. That was far too deep for me this early. I need to talk more shite.

I’m loving life, i’m loving work and  i can’t wait for Christmas!!! My new cooker comes today. I can’t wait to get the babies excited for Santa. Today is my LAST DAY of work before i break up for three…and i feel like the luckiest kitten in the world!!!

 

 

 

 

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