Chitter bits of chatter

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What’s up y’all! I’m blogging from my merry day off and enjoying ever inch of this glorious weather today. My babies are doing fabulously. I’m adoring each Mothery moment that i’m getting to have, i’ve rushed about for most of the day, surprised a sixteen year old, a hard working one, that I appreciate very muchly, with a giant lily and pink rose bouquet (handpicked and tied this morning) and a yummy bottle of champagne! (I’m a good person to know when it’s your birthday. We all need a little Wunna in our lives and well i tend to do classic, traditional luxury. I mean it was my little brother’s birthday yesterday, so i did Prada for him and because it said it all without me trying.) I think it’s important to treat little ones well and so that they know that there are good people in life who do actually do lovely things for you, when they care. How do they know…because they’ve had it done to them by someone…and in their case MOI!

However, there is a problem and the problem is the fact that I think that i only get people stuff that I like and not necessarily stuff that THEY like. HAHAHA. But whatever, it makes them smile and when you’re in a position to be able to crack a few smiles, be they pure, giggly or dodgy, you might as well!

Okay, so life is great right now. Ruby is a still ever the DIVA, Junior is the most cheerful child in all the land. (He’s literally like all of Snow White’s dwarves all in one, apart from the grumpy one, who is quite obviously a bit of a bastard. ๐Ÿ™‚ ) I’m working hard at my day job, i’m enjoying designing for my eyelash line…which now has a Christmas launch and well i adore coming home to my family filled with giggles. It’s almost as if, i have everything. I have everything…but a partner. It’s odd innit, because i do feel adored, as in the boys come with their googly eyes, and attempt to enjoy that ever so potential ‘milkshake’ from ‘my yard’….or whatever Kelis decided it was. But….still….it’s all about chemistry. I’m not feeling chemistry and i’m not feeling chemistry because i’m not being appropriate ‘wooed.’ I’m a traditionalist, so i’m all champagne, surprise flowers all the way. Not a shot and a bonk EVER! So, i’m sitting back, enjoying life and well i’m going to be success, i’m already on that ladder…meaning i’m got not too much to worry about, because i’m blessed…as are my babies. I’m one lucky girl.

Right, yesterday I did my brother’s birthday lunch and it was wonderful to have all the family together. The Wunna’s do ‘together’ a lot…and it’s great to be so close as a unit. We all need each other and play very different but very important roles within the family. Junior being the littlest one. ๐Ÿ™‚

Tonight, i’m out to dinner with the girls. Just fun, local, but i’m still going glammy. (I’m an OTT dresser.) There’s about 20 of us to celebrate a birthday and a leaver. I’m really looking forward to it as i’ve never felt more social than I do now. My babies are now more grown, meaning Mama can get back to embracing life and being delicious.

Life is good. Life is great and it’s important that you know what’s important, but still love all the luxury anyway.

I’m actually just remembered that i had a 1pm Skype meeting that I forgot about. SHIT! It’d be alright if it wasn’t a meeting that I always forget about!! How annoying of me! Well, i’m sure after now they will certainly have a bad impression of me and probably won’t want to work with me. ๐Ÿ™‚ I literally and utterly forgot!

Ugh!

Anyway, i’m going to relax, enjoy an afternoon wine, shower, tan and get ready for my dinner out. I’m actually waiting for someone who really isn’t going to make it on time by the looks of it!!! I’m rubbish at waiting because it makes me anxious. Lol. I don’t know what to do with myself because i’m usually someone who is never late for anything, in fact always early for stuff!

I’m literally DYING for a massage now. I want to be able to come home and have my entire body rubbed down from head to toe by a being, any being, who just loves to pamper people. (And i say that because i once had the craziest, angriest massage off a psycho Chinese lady in Camden, who pretty much wanted to break every bone in my body, kill me, or just wanted to vent. ๐Ÿ™‚ She did it to pan pipe music too, the cow. ๐Ÿ™‚ ) I want a loving massage…a good one. My body is over worked and needs a little ‘ooh laa.’

Please send me massages. K’thanx x

Love you all..

Chat later..

x

 

 

Boys, Booze and Boobies

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Today I look hot and I look hot because I feel hot and I feel hot because….i’m happy. Simple formula. Lets stick to it girls and bounce forward gleefully with our boobies and winks. Like I Tweeted an hour or so ago, I’m quite sexy today for a 100 yr old, ageing sex symbol ๐Ÿ™‚ and it’s the days when you feel like that, that you know everything in life is WUNNAFUL.

I have two days off in a row. I don’t have much time to blog these days do to work, single parenting and life. Yet i’m still here…i’m not very queer..and I haven’t forgotten about you. I mean if anything, I adore my blog and simply because it will always be my therapy. YIPPPEE!

A lot of work, work and working ‘it’ has happened over the last week. Boys with thumping hearts and over active boners, trying to boomerang me over an invite. Like I said, noone settles down in Summer. Plus, my life is too greatness right now, with open options, meaning that I picking a great deal more carefully this time around.

Other than that..my predictive text is a bastard. It typed ‘Cut me some SLAVES’ instead of ‘Cut me some SLACK.’ I love it really, as I’m quite fond of being glamourized as Princess Wunna…slaves an’all. Yet, it is actually really annoying when your phone just does whatever it pleases, instead of obeying your commands. (I’m currently feeling quite bad, because i’ve just turned away a very sweet male, who maybe wished for a Wunna entanglement. Well..not maybe…he told me he did. Yet, this boy is already taken..and we have a good friendship, meaning he’s very much in the ‘friend zone’ and unfortunately needs to remain there. Especially whilst he’s unhappy in his relationship. I mean, I hate it when girls guide boys in the wrong direction. Obviously, if a guy is heavily committed, married, or whatever else to a lady, (be she a lady or not)…especially if there is a child involved, it is important that you remind them of what they loved about that girl and that bonking the pretty, hot chick, isn’t going to make them feel better, if they still love her. Plus, if a guy is still with a girl, he deep down, no matter what still wishes for her to be by his side. I always say it…if the grass looks greener…water your own lawn, give it a little love and it will get better. I mean, i’m a girl that was left holding…TWO babies and i would never ever bring that hardship and all that I had to go through, on another woman. My life isn’t easy, it’s hard. Yet because of love, money and so much help…i’m lucky. That’s how I survive it and cream it over with success. I don’t know how any girl would do it if they were literally on their own with no help from family, no cash, or no love. But yes, that’s just happened…and it just didn’t realise that I was a distraction. A hot one…Men find their way to me, in these situations, because of the tan, boobies and ooh laa. Or even for the ‘trade up’ game. I’m used to it now, so unless I know when things are real and when they’re just moments that don’t need to happen. )

I don’t know what it is with Men and I…but they like me.If I was an Xmen that would be my accidental power. I don’t get, but it happens? I mean, two of my LA exes now want to date. One of them, Lee…I used to always refer to him as the Ralph Lauren underwear model and well that’s because he is…or was…he’s now flying over to England to visit me…as friends…yet also says that he’s just got out of a relationship, he’s been thinking about me A LOT over the years, he wonders what would’ve happened if he didn’t break up with me and has thought about it almost every day of recent and although he is currently in a play working, he is not going to be dating anyone from now on and waiting until he flies to England and sees me?

Y’see this always happens with me and boys that i’ve dated. At the time they think i’m shitty, but after dating others or doing life without me for a while…they realise how much of a great woman I am ๐Ÿ™‚ and how much they actually miss me.

Without dating him or ย anything, I get on with Lee really well anyway, so it’ll be fun to have a bit of LA back here in Yorkshire.I much prefer getting on with gents than not. I hate the cycle that Keiran and I go through. ย Yet apparently you only have cycles when there’s still love there. I get on REALLY well with Pete and it’s refreshing. He actually looked quite dreamy on Sunday. He’s lucky because he doesn’t have to watch what he eats or really even work out and has his accidental athletic body. He was in a vest and quite muscly. Ruby only likes men with muscles, because it’s all she’s been raised around. Lmao. (OMG, i’m sat in my living room, peering out the window and EVERY HOME has a shirtless window cleaner or gardener right now. LOL. ย Mike the handy man just left. He had his shirt off, because i needed a door fixed. He had his shirt on though because he’s respectful around boobies…sometimes. )

I’ve got loads of errand running to do but can’t be bothered because i’m enjoying having two days off. I still have the home to sort out and a million things to buy.

I spent the morning booking holidays. I’m the worst for it, as now it’s turned all ย five star…literally… ALL five star, for the whole entire event. If they tried to sell me a donkey with diamonds on and butlers to ride me up to the hotel, I would’ve taken it. ย I’m like a sales reps dream, when it comes to holidays. Shit for my bank balance though. But whocares, i’ve had a rough 2014 and my children and I deserve this treat ย now that everything has turned out sparkly.

Shit!! I forgot to tell you. I got run over my a granny on a moped at a till in Morrisons the other day! Lol. She lost control of the moped and it just came heavy pushing towards me with force, an electric noise… and wouldn’t stop. ๐Ÿ™‚ She felt really bad, but i was pissing myself laughing. It really hurt. But what were the chances of that happening. LMAO. Moped’s are like bulls. Don’t wrestle them…just RUN. I actually felt a bit embarrassed and i NEVER feel embarrassed EVER! I was trying to push it back at her. HAHAHAHA. ..with nappies under my arm.

(I’m currently sipping a tequila lime Desperado, in order to summon my inner Mexican. Mike was like, ‘Drinking at this time?’

‘IT’s ONE OF CLOCK DUDE! I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF A LIFE HAVE YOU LIVED TO THINK A COCKTAIL, WINE OR BEER, IS ODD AT LUNCH TIME’…was my reply. ๐Ÿ™‚ )

It’s times like that when i miss my London and LA friends. LMAO

Okay, i’m going now to try and attempt some errands.

Love you lots..

Happy Wednesday! ๐Ÿ™‚

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chilling, Work and The World Cup

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I am currently baby free and completely by accident. It’s weird having time to yourself, where in which there is just you. I’m taking full advantage of it, as i’ve been as busy as they come. Juggling everything is great because when I do, the dollar pours in. Yet, these moments are now dedicated to relaxing. The races took it out of me and don’t get me wrong, as I had two days off work after the event, (one of the days I spent accidentally bumping into Harriet at The Carleton, over vino, in the sun,) but i sure as hell needed them. Now, i’m an oldie, being social…lol..something that i’m good at…take it out of you. ๐Ÿ™‚ *Gin cocktail here.*

Anyway, I’ve just completed the busiest day at work and with ouchy ankles and a sweaty face, i’m sat on my living room floor, resting on a giant black bean bag, with a gin in a can, by a black and white Union Jack rug and watching England get kicked out of the World Cup. (We did well! NOT!! FFs. We can’t win anything, can we.) I’ve got one more day of hard work left and then Sunday…I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I hope it’s flipping sunny on Sunday, the day of God. Even though I have a fabulous tan right now, i just need a bit of chill tine, family time…time of utter calm. I’m around people, random people everyday, all the time. It’s kinda good to be around those little few who truly know you and truly love you…innit…It helps you recharge, stay grounded and get back to entertaining the masses.

I don’t even know what to tell you, as I do have a lot to tell you, but I can’t get my head around it all due to knackeredness. My brain is currently like a lump of throbbing meat, doing nothing but trumping.

I’ve decided that boys have forgotten how to ‘woo’ women…or just ME. I love a courtship, a bit of romance and a bit of old fashioned ‘wooing.’ A n opebn, forward boy, who isn’t terrified to blurt out the ‘i adore you’ words. ย So a shirtless picture, a bit of ignoring me, a chat up line…a whatever else you boys think is fabulous, is actually quite rubbish. *Slurps gin.* Where have all the brave men disappeared too?

(New readers are currently on my telly box.ย News readers, particularly female ones, are dreary. They look like corpses, that only seem to move their bottom lip to talk? AND, none of them have any other accent but ‘posh.’ They’re literally a breed of their own. Don’t mate with them.)

Mike the Handyman got to work, whilst i was away at work. i’ve returned home, with a working telly, now banged upon my wall, lampshades, Ruby’s bed now done, Juniors racing car bed now assembled…the lawns mowed, pictures plonked up…everything! He must be knackered. Poor thing. Yet he did however text me a photo of him owing with his shirt off. (1,2 3…aww.) I just ignored it and giggled. I mean, Mike is good at being HANDY. I’m the Queen of selfie and picture posing. Let’s stick to our strengths here and get back to work. LMAO!

I’m joking, I’m actually very very grateful. He’s done an excellent job. Plus, I do feel bad, as the list that I wrote for him this morning..hsi ‘to do ‘ list was super bossy. It was all ‘do this… do that…more..more…complete it.’ ๐Ÿ™‚ I got really into being an arse. I started off feeling bad and ended up feeling great. I rock as ‘diva.’ I’m going to be ace running my own company. The Wunna eyelash clan better be ready to yell at me, when I get all to big for my boobs. (I hate the term…’boots’…it always reminds me of miners and i don’t know why?)

Okay, i’m going, I need to chill and drink ymore gin, before work tomorrow morning.

I love you. Thank you for reading this. Hope you’re all as lucky as I!

Kisses,

C x

Ps, Super shit that we’re already out of The World Cup

 

 

 

Cash Fans, Daddies & Racing

Have you noticed that folk who are fanning themselves with cash…and that’s cash that they have either won or accumulated somehow by surprise or hard work, ย ALWAYS have BIG JOLLY smiles on their faces and that are filled with utter excitement and glee? I have…In fact is has been a weekend of noticing the delightful past time of cash fanning, in almost every corner. So, if that’s the case…is money really so bad? Or is it secretly our friend? ๐Ÿ™‚

Okay, this Saturday was a Saturday of joining forces with Blond Emma and her husband to be Goodhall, with a merry bunch of their friends and work colleagues to go splash it all out, in a fancy, posh ‘at the finish line and above the riff raff’ box, aptly named the ‘George Goodhall Box’ at the York Races! We did it better than most and simply because we had a free open bar, lunch and afternoon tea in our box, with bojui service and a balcony where in which we could people watch like Gods…in frocks and ties. I knew we had it better than most, simply because people kept appearing from down below, who either scagged their way into our boxย (girls in hats) and others, who were guys,ย seemed really grateful to be there. It was all for free, all in the name of class, champagne and fun and well it was really great to actually get out (Mum’s hardly ever get to) and it was great to hang out with Em’s (her first day out after baby birthing)..Richard (who by the end of the day got everyone kicked out of a minibus outside a mansion) and meet new people! The good thing about getting kicked out of a minibus outside a manor house, that belongs to one of the gents in the party, is that life is still pretty good. ๐Ÿ™‚ The bus driver had it worse, especially because it seemed funny at the time to not let him out of the gates,after he did the long winded venture back down drive, whilst he was being verbally abused and called ‘Captain Birdseye’ because he had white hair and a beard. ๐Ÿ™‚ My dress arrived, well got opened in the morning at 8am… (Thank you Celeb Boutique.)

By 8.01am it was on. ๐Ÿ™‚ (I’m a quick dresser…mainly because i’m used to it and also because i k ow how to get out of places FAST. :)) My car arrived to pick me up a few minutes later. (It was sort of in the fashion of a bouji driver…in Pontefract.) Then I rocked up to Emma and Goodhall’s, in Leeds, in my whorey, but fun boobie, pink, athena, lace dress, had champagne for breakfast, after cuddling baby George, being given the lowdown of what was going to happen during the day at a white and black, glossy dining table and then after a brief bit of banter, with Rugby a the background, we travelled off,with an additional fellow to Bar and Grill for more early morning champagne before jumping in the minibus to York. Loved our box and our time there massively and well I also loved the fact that all the ladies, who were partners, wives etc (including moi) …of the gents involved in our little group were treated like Princesses. It was lovely to see men be men and girls drink champers in gift given Prada and smiles. It was fun. We had a blast. I mean, it lasted all day and all night, as I didn’t even get home until 2.32am, with a giant England shirt over my dress and heels and a big grey hoodie. (I looked like a homeless person…mixed in with the cast of ‘Clueless.’) The rest of the bunch went out partying around Leeds, for the evening after the races, as as we all know it was the World Cup…but i got to chill in the Manor House. The big old luxury pad of aceness and watch it in the comfort of someone’s home…which is always better. I even won cash and I’m even quite sure how? (Always a bonus!)

 

I was given betting money(very nice, I know) ย and well my bets were put on for me, after I chose just the prettiest names…and ‘dadaaaaa’ I WON! Yippeee! I didn’t even realize until the end of the night, or ย in fact the morning after and simply because my winnings kept getting shoved in my hand bag throughout the process of the day without me knowing. York races was GREAT FUN and because we did it with ‘ooh laa.’ (I totally thank Goodhall for that! And Ems for inviting me. We now however, feel like shit. Partying when you’re a mum is impossible. Men tend to do whatever they want. The good thing is the right men treat their ladies with a touch of Princess…making the blow of mummyhood, during the hard times, not so bad. ๐Ÿ™‚ Fabulous time

!

My boobs had a good time, they were everywhere. I only remember i have boobs these days when i’m in a going out dress. They pop out of nowhere, like the funny parts of a Carry On film and wink at people, or giggle. They were a hit and once again, I have no idea why…but right now in life I am literally not only smeared in total ‘mojo’ (boys dig Le Wunna)…but i’m really fucking LUCKY. ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t know what’s actually going on, so i’m gonna go with good flipping Karma, because this last year of ALL years, i’ve been more than a decent human. They may even be dusting off a seat for me behind the ‘pearly gates’ when I die, after this last year. But yeah, everywhere i turn AMAZING things, just keep happening to me? I’m being greeted by opportunity, love is everywhere, the boys love a bit of Wunna, i’m money making, accidentally and via hard work, the babies are happy, life is almost FANTASTIC. Dreams are coming true and i’m sort of getting everything I want? It’s SO WEIRD. But do know, good things happen to good people and even if you go through a bad time (and i went through a shit year) as long as you remained great through it…and by ‘great’ I mean still of pure heart, THE UNIVERSE cuts you some slack and well as it is doing with me, it’ll give it back to you with good fortune, happiness and ‘wow…woo..wee.’ I cannot believe by luck, right now! Then to top it all off Sunday was AMAZING, because I got to spend it with my Papa. As i Tweeted, when it’s come to a Daddy being 100 there for you,like a Father and a best friend, emotionally, financially, mentally, physically..and over wine, I have the BEST DADDY in the world EVER! So good, that you all should be very jealous. By father has never ever once in his entire life shouted at me, or even raised his voice at me in anger, because he didn’t feel it appropriate and instead has done everything with warmth and love. I always get to be a little girl and i am so grateful to be his daughter. He tells me how much I mean to him all the time and it was great to do lunch with Paps, Mum, my Brother and Junior. (I double dutied it with Junior on Sunday. We did Father’s day early, with his father, over dinner, so on the actual day he enjoyed some Mama love!) As time goes on, i’m noticing how lucky i am to have such great parents, such loving, kind and 100 supportive parents who have ALWAYS been there and never let me down and worked on their marriage in order to hold our family together with happiness, love and stability. It worked. ๐Ÿ™‚ I love them so much. It seems not many people that i’ve bumped into recently have that. I always thought it was really normal? So it makes me feel even more special! But yeah I love you Daddy! Thank you for everything. We are the luckiest kids EVER! ย  ย  Wunna land is WONDERFUL! Yeah bitches!

When the boys come out to play…

Okay, when it comes to my love life, i’m in that stage where Summer has arrived (and we all know Summer is for flings and never for long term relationships, as it’s only ever ย in Winter where people begin coupling up and trying to do ‘forever.’ It’s really true. If you meet someone in the Summer…it never works out. Honest!! Cupid told me. Plus boys get hornier during the Summer months and well their own little heat engine turns on…as they spy any bit of meat and…well…POUNCE.)

All this is fine…if you’re not an exotic looking, big boobied…nuisance of a girl. I am currently being HAMMERED with ‘love me’ (code for ‘sex’) requests by male suitors, who are new, random, old or even just my friends. Yes! Even some of my guy friends eyes have turned form sweet and genuine, to pervy. It’s the season..the heat and the hormones…i’m telling you. That’s why you should never fall in love abroad, if you’re from England, because when you return to Blighty, things aren’t as glamourous as they were, when you were dancing under a sunkissed mist of ‘ooh laa.’ lmao If you can fall in love in the worst circumstances, be it work, Yorkshire…plain old, plain old…and still be excited…when it’s raining…then you’ve hit the jackpot. Nights out, clubs, holidays and Summer..etc..are bad bad places to meet your ‘forever.’ Those places are places where in which you’ll meet a jolly old flingalinaling. And you can tell that all the boys are trying super hard, as on Facebook, almost every other one of my guy friends…(well the vain bunch) have plonked up shirtless pictures of themselves…which they NEVER do in Winter, because they’ll look like twits. ๐Ÿ™‚

Look…(taken straight off my FB newsfeed of my guy friends…)

 

Even Keiran put one up two hours ago…

But yes, enough of that…i’m getting hit on by ‘willies’ right now and it’s very flattering, however, a little annoyingly time consuming. I’m a busy, single mum of two. ๐Ÿ™‚ Even flirting gets scheduled in. Haha.

I feel quite sexy right now, i’m a moneymaking machine, beauty line almost ready, day job going well…in great shape, good tan, happy soul…bikini body in tact, exotic wink of ‘ooh laa’ still going..so i don’t feel in need of a ‘pick me up.’ My guy friends are trying to turn normal ‘lunch’ into dates. Lol. (‘Chrissie, can we just get lunch and can I pretend it’s a date?’) And, well as i woke up this morning, on my merry day off, before it was EVEN 8AM, I got bombarded by chat up lines by folk, who quite fancy a bit of glamour puss…Wunna land..well…me.

I had one guy (in the name of humour) attempt the ‘You’re body is amazing, will you hold it against me’ line. (I did find it funny…yet it was odd, as that being is in ‘friend zone,’ and i feel as though i could actually turn around and say ‘og on then, lets have sex’ and he would. Awkward. Very cold shower needed. ‘Make it rain bitches.’ ๐Ÿ™‚ ) ย Then I had another ask if he could ‘charm me?’ Another state that ‘we should really go for a drink.’ Another do the ‘hot girl like you single…’ approach. (Yawn.) And another, just tell me that i was beautiful and that he’d really love to take me out. (Which is the nicest way to do it.) The other nice way is to just randomly type ‘besos.’ A Spanish Doctor (who i’ve never met) did that. Flattered. It’s Summer. Save me from the ‘willies,’ as none of them for thinking with their actual hearts. I’m like this ‘Bonk a notch’ trophy or something?

So, yeah all very nice, YET all before it even struck 8am…

Now, you see, i’m a hopeless romantic and I fall for boys who are also hopeless romantics…especially the ones that admit that they are…yet even I can’t handle all of that before 8am (with Baby Junior puke in my hair, getting ready for a nursery run.) There I am rushing around and there my phone is..trying to flirt with me. I’m used to it, if i’m being honest. Yet, it’s really usually just throughout my day. Simply because Summer, sun and heat have hit…the boys are fancying their chances…and either gyming it up, (six packs don’t pay the bills boys ๐Ÿ™‚ ) or showing me that they got cash (you need more than just dollar Gents) …and going in for the kill. I’ve had it ALL DAY and on Mummy/Ruby day!

I have shopped, Adventure golfed with Ruby, played, shopped more, lunched and let her spend like she was a teen, before then letting her start our giant family, ‘for the living room’ canvas, to put up on our wall. (Junior, Ruby and I are going to do it together…a giant one..we’re naming it ‘Happiness’ and well every inch of it has been painted, glittered or loved…by US!) It’s mildy insane, but i don’t care….my kids have done it and to me that canvas is everything!! It’s actually knackered Rubes out, as now she’s asleep on a ‘Love Me’ cushion, like she’s just run a marathon, after feeding her new pet snail sequins and trying to play ‘hide and seek’ with me in a clothing store. Never good, when i’m you’re Mother, as i get far too distracted by the latest bargains…that i’ll just forget to ‘seek.’ (‘Oops, sorry babe, i forgot to look for you. Do you want me to buy you accessories instead? ‘ ๐Ÿ™‚ )

Today has been great, it’s been really wonderful and well my little girl has adored every waking minute with Mama. The problem is that she loves it a bit too much to the point where she thinks her life goal is to just follow Mummy to work and never ever have to go to school and be something that she wants to be.

I have a new telly! It’s just a normal one, that’s a dvd/tv combi, that I can mount onto the wall..but i just wanted new. As the ‘carry things to the car’ guy at Currys, trundled along with me, all he said was ‘Wow, you’re spending a lot aren’t you? See you at the end of the month when you make me carry your cooker!’ (I’ve only bought a fridge and a new telly in the last 2 weeks. I hardly think that makes me Mama Big Bucks. I did also buy sofas and ‘all kinds of shit’ for the house…but whatever, I might as well do it when I can. I should’ve skipped down the yellow brick road and asked for a brain.)

OH!! And is it just my chick friend Ruth, or handy men known for being horndogs?

Wait! Wait! Wait! Before you all start, MY handyman isn’t. Lmao. But I honeslty didn’t know that there was thing about how handy man make themselves ‘handy’ in other ways?

This is how our convo went…

‘So Ruth, y’know my Handy man..’

‘You mean, RANDY man’ (as she smirks by a fridge)

‘No…what do you mean? An i missing something…’

‘No..go on…’

‘What?’

‘It’s just that everyone know that Handy men always go around bonking people that they’re handy for?’

‘Do they?’

‘OMG! How could you not know this?’

Y’see, i’ve always heard jokes about the milkman and just thought it was…a joke. But i actually didn’t know handy men went around boning things with tape measures in their hands?

I even said, ‘I thought at was the milkman??’

Saying that, I did have a friend who fitted kitchens and would tell me stories about how he boned a fat girl, whilst fitting her kitchen once, because she came on to him in a lingerie. HAHAHA. Who does that! And i mean, both ways. Who fits a kitchen with a side of sex and who (when the workmen are in) walks around in lingerie!! PAHAHA.)

I’m actually quite good friends with Handy man Mike now..and i think that if i walked around in frilly pants it would alarm him. HAHAHA. Ruth doesn’t think so however, as she has assured me that handy men can’t WAIT to get a young, hot click as one of their clients….as they start to smooze with them…and before you know it, you’re downward dogging it, under bed sheets..by spanners?

I don’t think so. HAHA.

I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have Handy man Mike, as nothing in my house would be built, up or working. I mean, Keiran did say he would do it for me, yet he’s always away and so did Pete…but he’s working two jobs…so Mike will do just fine. Plus, I like playing Desperate Housewives…it’s fun. (Especially because my other neighbour is trying to ‘out Gaby’ me. ๐Ÿ™‚

However, I will ask him if handy men go around being more than ‘handy’ when he comes to plonk up my telly, do a blind, some more lighting and fix the door. I literally have great rapports with all those who i work with…so it’ll be an easy convo. Y’see this is why i’ll make an ace boss, if..i mean WHEN my lash line goes massive, because i’m ace at being a boss lady, simply because in my time, i’ve worked for such hideous ‘people in charge.’ I’m cool, i’m glizty, i do my fair share..and i’m ace.

Okay, i’m gonna go now and do wine for a second, whilst baby ‘napping’ is occuring. Junior is on a ‘stop out’ and well Grandma is coming over for dinner.

Back to work tomorrow…and then i have the entire weekend OFF!

Love you dolls,

Wiggle, wink, Gotcha!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Sss’ is for Sunday

Morning my hot pieces of ‘hubba.’ (Not ‘bubba.’) Sunday is usually always chill day and in my case and simply because I never work on a Sunday…it’s family day. I’m meant to be buying a new cooker and tv…Oh and a floor lamp, yet instead i’m enjoying time with the babies and making them do a ‘life at home’ photoshoot, shot by ME, at home…on my phone and simply so that I can place the black and white versions of these piccies in very glamourous frames and place them up on my living room walls. It’s cool, simply because it shows how we do life in that exact room. (I’m doing it for each room..and later, once the home is complete, doing it with others who visit and let me picture take.) I adore documenting life…as you may have been able to tell and I hate anyone who tells me off for it. I can do whatever I want and simply because…i love life in general.

It didn’t take that long actually, as i have attention seeking children, who love having their picture taken. Well…Baby 1 doesn’t…unless it’s an actual professional photshoot. ๐Ÿ™‚ Baby 2 LOVES the art of ‘le pose.’ Luckily, their gene pools make them pretty good at ..well let’s call it…’their close ups.’ Lol.

Look, it went well..

Okay, so i’ve got to purchase a dress and i’ve got to do it online simply because after tomorrow i won’t have time to shop for one and I need it for Saturday because I’m doing York races with Miss. Blond Emma Hartington, Mr.Goodhall, his business partner….and friends.

Rich has got us a box their to swan around in during the day, so it’ll be really good to have a great day out…but only if i look fabulous…because you can’t swan around looking…well…shit. It’s against glamour puss code. It’s like the art of an argument. You can’t do it well in rubbish attire. The hotter you look, the better…when you’re a girl…and argueing. Plus, at least we get to do the races ‘bouji’esque… ๐Ÿ™‚ I have no idea what that means, but i’m gonna go with ‘better than everyone else.’ Lol But yes, dress…needed…pronto. (Can anyone say ‘Celeb Boutique’ much?)

I’m currently eating Wotsits by toy trucks on a Black and white union jack rug. I don’t know what to do with myself because i have no work, Rubes has gone off to play and Junior is napping. I could do a wine, yet then i won’t get any of my errands done, like tv and cooker purchasing…innit.

We’re all getting the Wazza & Hannah wedding invites now and one by one we keep popping one open and photographing it, like we’ve won some kind of Golden Ticket. ๐Ÿ™‚ I love it. I hope I get to be Verruca Salt. (Is that even her name?)

But i’m feeling great, i’m feeling sexy, i’m finally over breeding. Getting back to yourself after babies takes a while,if not ages. And when you have TWO..it takes longer. I finally graduated and hit the finish line with a smile. I’m back to being Me and everyone can tell, as i’m glowing with enthusiasm again…and i’m loving every bit of life. I’m back to being fit, healthy, chipper. Fun loving and social…and still everyone’s favourite glamour puss. I’m even back to being funny…which is odd…and i’m weirdly a lot nicer than i ever thought? Lmao.

Anyway, i’m off to have a vino and put away toy trucks, with Disney eyes on.

I love you.

Happy Sunday x

Peace out, Dolls!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love, guilt, weddings and nudity

If you have giant windows in your home and NO CURTAINS…than please do remind yourself that you are on display.

I have giant windows and NO CURTAINS and I quite carelessly forgot, meaning I (being Moi) of course sauntered about my home without any pants on….free as bird, Godiva at her best. (Except i had a top on.) In fact…that’s even worse, as I had a top on yeah, but a whole bum and ‘surprise’ bit out on full display. Yet with me being used to such a display…;)…i didn’t think anything of it. I feel really comfortable naked. Wibbly bits n’all.

But yeah, sauntering along, in the middle of the day…walking past windows and realizing that there are grannies and workmen on the otherside of my window. Realizing is awful, because it’s then when you start acting like a prize twat. (So to speak ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

So there I was in my living room, in a white fitted work shirt, hair down, but no pants on AT ALL. And there outside my window was the bit of world that consisted of 4 workmen, having their lunch. They hand’t actually noticed, yet I was in the predicament of having to cross my window pantiless, without them noticing. NOT EASY.

I contemplated crawling…but that would be far too ridiculous at the gracious age of 33. Lmfao. I can imagine me crawling my but cheeks through my living room, under my ‘damn you’ window pane. So, i went with whatever and just legged it. Bum and ‘front’ out and dolly totter/ran like i had the shits…passed the window.

They didn’t see, but you’d think that I would learn my lesson. I found myself doing the exact same thing 17 minutes later, like the twit that I am.

Then to make it worse Handyman Mike, who had been helping Pete move things into my garage for storage all day, knocked on the door to measure up my tv for brackets. I swear it was either like a budget porn, the part of Benny Hill that was ace…or a Carry On moment, where Barbara Windsor’s bra pops open. I sort of grabbed anything that I could find to cover up and put on, as i had just come out the shower…i opened the door looking like a ‘Baby one more time’ Britney Spears reject. As if I grabbed my works shirt and tied it under my bra, so it looked like a belly top. Ugh! It’s not the 90’s! HAHAHA. This is what you do in a panic!

THEN stupid, big mouth me, can’t stop speaking my mind, so I open the door and say, ‘Hi..sorry if this feels like a porn!’ WHAT??????? Slap me now!

Luckily, he’s not so serious an just laughed it off. ย He came, he measured stuff and i had a gin and tonic.

The rest of the evening was nice because my children were happy. Families are meant to be families if it makes the children whole. Good parents will always do anything they can to make their children always feel whole and more and more as time merrily passes..i’m learning the importance of stability.

I think once people find stability they bloom, be they girls boys, adults or children.

I’m in a good place right now and i’ve never felt better.

I will say that i recently had a conversation with a someone who had felt guilt about maybe doing something that they shouldn’t.

All i can say about that is simply that sometimes in life, we learn our lessons by doing things that are bad. It makes us appreciate the things we have or had in our lives that are or were good. It can better or worsen you, depending on how you grow. ย But if you do something and you feel guilt about it..then it was a bad idea and it was a bad idea because the guilt means you wen against your natural grain of morals. It means you had or have something you cared about that you don’t actually want to hurt. There are times in peoples like where they have to go the full stretch to see, learn and appreciate. Others don’t.

The grass is never greener. Like I used to always say before…if you’re looking at next doors grass and it looks a little greener…it’s not the end of the world, it simply means you just need to nurture, water and tend to YOUR OWN lawn ย a little better. I mean you can’t expect something to flourish if you don’t try and love it a little.

On a better note! The postie delivered my official invite to Wazza and Hannah’s wedding!! Eeek!! I can’t wait! I’m so excited.

The ace thing about it, other than celebrating their love is the fact that the invites themselves are awesome.

And not only is it humourous because he addressed it to ‘Chrissie, Ruby, Junior and Random Man?’ ๐Ÿ™‚ (He knows me too well AND has been to all of my weddings. ๐Ÿ™‚ Even the LA one in Bel Air!)

Yet it’s so awesome that he apparently forgot to put the actual DATE on his evening reception invites. ๐Ÿ™‚ And the reason why this is funny is because Wazza’s family business is in printing. ๐Ÿ™‚ So Wazza (the printer) who is excellent at his job…totally missed this minor detail of a date….and sent out his invites to the masses. Pahahahah! Love it! I can’t wait! What an amazing couple. In fact, what an amazing little family!

It’ll be AWESOME.

 

 

 

Simply delicious

ac27

Morning all! It’s your resident kitty cat here and well what a beautiful day to be blogging on! The suns out, the smiles are a beaming and shirtless joggers have decided to make an appearance, which always sets us ladies in a far better mood. In fact, away from the nonsense, isn’t it weird how people dress better for the sun? I don’t know why? Whether it’s because it’s a rare occurrance, or whether it’s because they feel better, so they make more of an effort? But people look better in the sunshine. I certainly do. I turn from grotty little Burmese woolly thing, into exotic island goddess…in Ponty?

Okay, so already Ruby has spread wedding confetti on everyone’s lawn. EVERYONE’S ย lawn. She has also blown bubbles in a Greyhounds face and talked to an old man planting roses. The ‘close’ that I live upon is ace because it’s so peaceful, safe and well one of those streets where everyone knows and looks out for each other. I call it my ‘Desperate Housewives’ street and simply because every Friday…and i always miss it because i’m usually at work…at 9am, all the gardeners, help and cleaners etc…turn up at each home. I strutted out to do the nursery run in big hair, heels and a tight pink dress. cleavagemuch As soon as I realised, I beamed and Tweeted with glory. At 9am this morning…I was officially GABY! Hurrah! My dream have come true! ๐Ÿ™‚

Then I did the nursery run with 2 babies in my hand, a giant car seat, a set ofkeys in one hand, a dummy in the other, 2 nursery bags and my poshy furry hand bag flung upon my wrist. Al i could do was laugh really…as it’s the life of a single mum. It’s those moments that the Men forget us women have to go through. They don’t care about those moments do they? Lol. It’s not easy, but lucily, i’m fabulous…i even did it with fans, a smile and in a tight dress and heels, bitches! ๐Ÿ™‚ ย Nothing gets me down.

Then I got angry at supermarket sushi. Why is there no convenient sushi in Pontefract?? Proper sushi, that isn’t a bit of betroot wrapped up in rice and seaweed, as pretend sushi. WINDS ME UP. I don’t eat that much, but i adore great food. In LA, i could get great food within a second’s strut. I actualy bought it anyway, but only to hide the slimline gin and tonic in a can that I had purchased in my basket.

So, I have a day off and i’m loving it. As both babies are at nursery meaning I can get on with things. I have a lot to do…AND i’m decorating. (I love decorating. Well..i like designing things and making others do the hard stuff.) I’ve gone contemporary modern, which is fabulous, until you add children. ๐Ÿ™‚ Trendy rugs have toy trucks on them that don’t follow the colour code. ๐Ÿ™‚ (I’ve gone balck and white..not plastic lime and orange.) Sofas have hand prints on them that I have to wipe clean. ๐Ÿ™‚ But that’s the life of being mum and like I said, I wouldn’t have it any way I have an amazing life now and i’ve never felt more wonderful. I’m Gaby….how could things be any better! Oh and i’ve also named my miniature male groom mannequin, ‘Jeffrey.’ I wanted to name it ‘Ryan,’ but i had no idea why? I actually wanted to name Junior ‘Ryan,’…but i didn’t and i didn’t know why? (Well I do…Keiran wanted to name him after himself.)

I’m currently sat on my sofa waiting…(i love being home and adore my home as it’s so peaceful and surrounded by the most beautiful views.) The views make a home cosier. My last house was filled with such negative energy, (I went through two breakups in that house)…this one is magic. It’s perfect! It’s filled with love and happiness.

But yes, i’m currently waiting because Pete is meant to be moving his stuff into my garage for storage. He hired Mike the handyman…and i didn’t realize until yesterday. But poor Handyman Mike has to come back to my house AGAIN today…lol…to plonk more stuff in my garage. (When i said ‘hire him’ i didn’t mean for you all to hire him to come to mine, so you can all plonk stuff in my garage.) Go to your own homes and let Mike fix stuff there! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m still waiting..which is mildy annoying. Plus, I have other Dads coming over to pick up car seats…which is cutting my errand running time down, with each ‘tick tock.’

I feeel great. I look great. I can’t wait to get my yummy booty on holiday. It’ll be the children’s first ever holiday abroad…as a family. I now LOVE only working 4 days a week at my day job but getting fulltime pay! ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s make my world go around and gives me extra time with ‘da babies.’ And well now…i’m going to chill..wait..and then get all my errands done!

OOOh, forgot to say…I currently don’t have a working telly, so i haven’t been able to watch anything. BUT MY GOOD FRIEND MARK, MARK BYRON (remember i told you the ‘money in my knickers story’…where he hid his rent in my pants at a gay disco?) Well yes…MARK is currently residing in the BB house and even though i haven’t yet watched it, I want him to WIN! So vote MARK! He’s so entertaining and PERFECT for telly. ๐Ÿ™‚ I love him to pieces…so please lets make him the winner! (I’m actually also missing Rex right now. ๐Ÿ™ You forget how long you’ve known someone and well he reminded me that we had known each other for five years yesterday! ย Five years! Can you even believe it!?! We were both ‘just off’ tv shows right at the same time..and that’s how we became friends…i actually adore Rex to pieces, so i must make the effort to visit him shortly.

Okay, must dash, Pete and Mike are here with a van load of ‘lift me ups.’

Love you. Enjoy this weather. Don’t let anything get you down. *WiggleWink*

 

 

 

 

‘I don’t want yooou…to be no…’

Afternoony, my sexy licks of life bubbles! *Wiggle-giggle-pout* I thought i had a lay in this morning, simply because it felt like I had laid in…yet when I grabbed at my mobile, like we all do as our first morning action, before checking our Facebook, messages or Tweets….I looked to see what time it was and it was only 7.44am. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ll take that as ย lie in, as lie in’s are all about how you FEEL, when you wake up, rather than how long you lay in bed for.

Last night was great because I knew i had the next two days off work, yet hard because it really hit me on a personal level, as to how hard the whole family breakdown situation has hurt my little Ruby. It’s been really awful for her and well it’s moments..those moments…as a single mum, where you don’t feel like the Master of the world. It made ME cry because it made her cry and I knew that I couldn’t fix it and my babies are my life. I’d give up every little thing I had, just to be by their sides forever.

I grew up, the way Ruby grew up, in a loving, happy family, made up of a live in Mama, Papa and utter love. So, I know how important family ism togetherness is and how much (in theory) a separation could be damaging. As even at 33, if my parents, who have set a perfect example of love & commitment, would ever separate, I’d be devastated. So Ruby hasn’t taken or isn’t taking any of this well and it’s hard for me, because I can’t fix it, as no matter what…she doesn’t win in this situation and doesn’t get what she wants. She only gets it temporarily, which as all mums know…isn’t good. It just throws your child on an emotional rollercoaster. But i guess the thing that upset me most is that Daddy’s (as well as Mummy’s, but mainly Daddy’s) have a huge responsibility when it comes to their daughters, as they teach them about love, how to love and how they should be loved as little girls. She’ll observe how she is loved and how her mother is loved and act upon it in her later years. Ruby has this image in her head of how a fairytale should work and we tell children fairytales ALL THE TIME…every day. Yet her reality isn’t that fairytale, which has pretty much broken her heart and her stability. Which is always THE PARENTS fault..and i’m included in that. Yet, i’m not included in the recent break down neccessarily, because the second time around, after learning the hard way, i made correct decisions and stood by the children always. I made emotional sacrifices to make sure the children could and would stay in a loving stable, full time family. Bottom line, to see her that hurt, was and still is awful. #notfun. Having to have grow up conversations with very little girls is awful. Plus, it’ll be the same with Junior, as i need to now make sure that he understands love, commitment, togetherness and stability because he may grow up thinking that it’s okay to never fully commit to a lady, or that it’s not how love works…and that it’s okay to live separately…and just have children with women, that you’re no longer with. In my book….it’s not. Therefore the good thing is that i can teach him to be a man…a decent man, from a woman’s point of view.

But on the whole, i’m not worried too much, as i think i can do anything. ๐Ÿ™‚ Life is going so well right now that only ace things seem to be happening to me. I have awesome children, who will grow into amazing adults. What they have in common is ME…Mama…the woman who will always, always, always, love them more than anything, be right by their side 24/7 and adore them.

Anyway enough that. Handy man Mike is fabulous. You all need one. That boy can do anything. Seriously, if you’re a single lady who is shit at DIY…call him and he will fix it for you. Today…he did my lawns and tomorrow he’s coming back just to look at a plug. I mean it was a little odd for him as this time i took pictures..:)

Hahaha. Very Wunna. But don’t fret. We get on really well. He finds it funny…honest. ๐Ÿ™‚ Ruby and I were like total Desperate Housewives…whereas he thinks he’s the Diet Coke advert.

But yes, please do hire him…he really can do ANYTHING and everything DIY. #poorthing(I can’t actually believe i have another day off work tomorrow.)

Aside from that…it’s all getting very glammy as i’ve made another big eyelash order! The launch is going to be phenomenal and i can’t wait o plonk them out and have you lot buy them. ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s all coming together and i feel so much better about my new season of launchness…as it just feel right for Summer. My gut instinct is tremendous.

Harriet…oh Harriet has got me hooked on Pharrell again. If you didn’t know, Pharrell has been my lifetime celebrity crush. I adore that man and would marry him in a heartbeat. PLUS, at the time when i was hardcore in love with him, i was in a position and place, where it may not have been a ย giant impossibility to bum into him and have him adore me. ๐Ÿ™‚ (Ludacris was in the way…i was a table away from him, by accident. ) #Hooolllywoood But now, i’m in Ponty, which makes my fascination only a distant dream. ๐Ÿ™‚ย Yet we’ve all got to dream…makes life sexy. But yes, i love that man.

Enjoy!

Talking about love…my ex-husband…as in Mike…as arrived in England. In London to be exact for filming. #anactorslife I haven’t spoken to him. Yet i know that he’s taking those moments, those pauses and…well….remembering. It’s odd because now he’s on my ground, as before I was on his. #welcometobritishsoil I never ever thought he would be here. But he is.

(Ugh, my glasses keep falling off my face! I’m having to wear my specs today because the babies thought it would be an awesome idea to drop my last few lenses down the radiator…meaning i now have no sight. At first it felt odd…but now i’m adoring looking like Granny Wunna…)

I want proper sight…NOW!

I don’t have anything interesting to tell you…as I need more cocktails to spill the beans.

Life is great right now. ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m back to being Princess Wunna and loving every minute of it. I’m feeling strong, independant, healthy, wealthy and happy. But most of all..i’m loving being MUM.

 

 

 

 

Kitten quickie

Sorry folks. Finding the time to slot in a quick blog, is like digging a hole in the soil with my bare hands looking for gold. Every little second i get to kitty chill and reach for my little pink laptop…something comes up, be it work, children..or just life in general.

But don’t fret. I’m still here. I’m still EVER SO glammy. I still adore YOU, this blog and reporting my life….i’m just doing the money making thing, mixed in with parenting. Plus, i’ve just completed a house move, so Wunna land is all ‘go-go-go.’

I’m happy. I’m really happy. I can’t believe hw lucky I am. I’ve been called a ‘beautiful person’ FOUR times today. ๐Ÿ™‚ Hurrah! AND an ‘idiot’ once…by a granny, who had a bad perm.

I’ve had extensions, Ruby has enjoyed nail parlours…Junior has enjoyed cupcake breakfasts..

…and this evening Ruby asked for this…

..for her tea!

MADNESS!

I’ve carted an actual fridge around in my car. (Not very glamourous. I NEED a man in my life. I know. Only apply if you lift things, or can afford to hire others to lift things for you. ๐Ÿ™‚ ) I’ve purchased, purchased purchased. My home is now coming together. It’s fun, glammy and very Wunna and well i’m exhausted, from working, decorating, buying the important things, being Mummy and spending the majority of the time ‘zombified’…half asleep…in what I call ‘driving mode.’ (See below.)

I was literally SO knackered in this picture that I could’ve fallen asleep at the wheel. Luckily I had crying, tired children in the back to keep me awake. ๐Ÿ™‚ Who needs coffee! I wouldn’t have it any other way. ๐Ÿ™‚ The children are my world.

What i’ve recently learnt about life, is that i’m finally a grown up, a proper grown up and i’m actually on the right track to success. I’m a great mum and I adore family. It seems to be all that matters to me and well that must mean that i’ve finally after decades on this planet…got it right.

On the love life front. I’m open to being loved right now. I’m a bit more closed off…not as expressive, for obvious reasons…yet open to being cared for, adored, cuddled and worshipped a bit. ๐Ÿ™‚ I do a LOT of caring, looking after and everything else for others right now…and i love it, i do. I’m naturally very attentive. YET, it’d currently be ever so lovely to come home, chill and know that I have someone to ‘princess treatment’ me for a while. I need it and i think i absolutely deserve it. ๐Ÿ™‚ You can’t be called a ‘beautiful person by four different people and an idiot by a granny all in one day and not have a hero who wants to be yours forever. Yeah, there are boys who might want me to be their ‘forever,’ yet i always really fancy a ‘hero.’ I’m a sucker for a good old Knight in shining amour and simply because i’m a girly girl, who wants to be able to look at a guy, whimsically of course.. and say ‘wow-wee..my hero.’ I love to be impressed by a man. It sends my heart a flutter. (No, i haven’t had gin.)

Okay, i’m currently organizing life for tomorrow. I have washing loads on, ย Ruby’s candle lit dinner complete…(she wined me and dined me in order to force me to buy her bunk beds.) I have nursery bags packed, work attire being ironed, Italian sofa legs being placed, tellies not working, sore ankles, smiles and just life swirling around me.

I have the most peaceful home. It’s amazing and surrounded by the most harmonious views.

I’ll check in tomorrow, if i can.

I adore you mucho.

Wunna x

Ps/Stay tuned.