Welcome to 2014!
Well it’s the dawn of a New Year, a fresh start, a time to love, be positive, leave all the negative behind and enjoy ‘dreams come true’ with a delicious side of success.
Last night was wonderful, but I will tell you I CANNOT stay up until midnight to save my life. I could’ve been in bed by 10pm if I didn’t have guests. Yet I rung in the New Year, with my babies, old friends, new friends and family and well it was the perfect end to a tough year, as Ruby ran around colouring peoples faces in green felt tip, whilst eating chicken on sticks and Junior, well he decided to sneakily ravish an entire half bag of popcorn (Lord knows how he ate it with no teeth) but by the end of the half packet, he was sausage rolling around the floor, in a merry, MAD, fit of utter happy giggles. He literally couldn’t stop. It was like having a drunk Buddha. I stopped, paused, felt heartache on the inside, but breathed out…I’m lucky. Just seeing the babies that happy and Junior on his first ever ‘I’m now 7 months’ New Year is everything. Family is the new ‘cool thing’ to do on NYE. Even though the boys that thought throwing rocks at my kitchen window was ‘cool.’ It was apparently meant to make me come out and show them my boobs. Hmm..? Odd concept really. These days it takes more than rocks. Even more than diamond ones. 🙂 I feel like i’m such a grumpy, hard, pull now that i’m old.
Anyway, away from that all was well and there were moments of my past that ventured into the evening, which I won’t tell you about yet, but will tell you about soon. I blame my red headed ‘Harriet.’ She claims I forgot how ace she is. I never forgot. I simply remembered to remember at the right time. She made me feel like a school girl again, that excitement that occurs when your inner child has been ignited. I loved that because it meant a lot. It popped we away from the art of being dreary and well everyone’s over dreary, moody, evil Chrissie.
2014, is about repenting, being a doll and spreading happiness to all that care to receive it from me. I’ve been reflective…can you tell. That’s all you can do and with your fingers crossed. What I learnt last night, is that sometimes you can hurt someone, yet it doesn’t mean that all is over and that they have forgotten that they love you. If a flicker is still there. It’s there. That flicker is what life is about. If two hearts are meant to be together, no matter what they have been through, they will find their way back. Even after the most horrific circumstances. Time, communication, big brave balls, and sincere apologies is all it takes. Just the art of ‘trying.’ If you try, you will never regret anything. (None of you actually know what i’m going on about…apart from Harriet, so you also have my apologies. It will all come to light shortly.)
Firstly, I adored all your messages! Whenever I go through a down time, you remind me not to feel sorry for myself and to be a trooper. I have good friends because I have friends that don’t bullshit me. But friends that advise me correctly, openly and with love. You make me strong. I need to be strong. I have the ‘winkles’ and nothing was worse than the other night having a weep infront of Ruby, who tried to make me feel better. I was like ‘Oh Lord, I’ve become THAT MUM.’ Being on your own and two children is always hard, not because it’s a strain, but because I know that parenting is TWO person’s job and it’s a full time thang. The only thing that is terrible about the situation is that, one child, when there’s two of them and one of you, will always feel partly neglected. They fight for attention now and that’s not nice. When there’s two grownups…both ‘winkles’ feel appropriately adored. I intend on having a two parent, stable home for my children. Why? Well because they need it. And yeah us women can do it on their own, but it’s just not how I was raised. I know my kids. I spend every night with them. Ruby needs to feel adored and on a full time basis. That’s partly why I love nursery for them, firstly because they seem to leave things a hell of a lot faster than I could ever teach them and secondly because at least they BOTH get full time attention, which at home is an impossibility.
(Flashback to last night.)
So the countdown occured and when it did the weirdest thing happened..my insides began to panic and i thought I couldn’t breathe. I obviously could because I was chatting. But it felt as though I was being suffocated and my whole body became filled with this odd anxiety. GREAT WAY to start 2014. ffs!
Then after a lovely night of toasting, friends, family and hopeful future, I sinned and I thought of him. I wondered where he was and what he was doing and whether he cared and if he was even thinking about me. 🙁 UGH. My eyes filled up, but I didn’t cry…instead I had a panic attack, lol..sexy and after that I weirdly fine again. I had a distraction that made me feel fine again. Plus having people around you stops you from being too openly idiotic, doesn’t it. You do this ‘outside’ performance, which is much different to what may be going on, on the ‘inside.’ I have good friends. You see it can be rubbish for me because I always wonder what the boy is doing and never know. Yet when it comes to me, i’m a ‘browser’ type away and there you have it… a WUNNA LAND report. He didn’t wish me a Happy New Year.
Went to bed at 12.30am, woke up as fresh as a daisy! I felt great. I’m going to be positive about EVERYTHING now and well my New Years resolution other than making my dreams come true is to just be lovely and successful. The lovely part is lame, I know. But works for me, so shut it. Oops. I meant…I love you?
This year, I begin my beauty line, I start drama school, I weirdly have presenting jobs lined up, (that’s come out of nowhere) i’ve been offered a little ‘at home’ normal job to do, to keep me occupied, because i’ve noticed that if I’m not busy, i go insane. Plus extra money is always good. I’ve thought ‘fuck it’ and i’m going to book the forest. I firstly wanted to book a cabin on Jan 20th, yet that’s booked and gone now, so instead I’m having to book the one on Jan 27th. It’ll be like a treat to look forward to, after surviving January 2014. You should be impressed that I’m live and kicking and not hiding under a duvet right now. I’m in a giant updo and everything. I have a family Wunna meal today. We always have one on the New Years day. How you begin this day decides how the rest of the year will follow. So be wise. 🙂 I know everyone always rants on about the truth which is the simply fact that it’s just another day, with a different digit. It changes nothing. But if you have the chance to make a day a day of change and for the better, then you should embrace it innit.
Make sure you all forgive, forget and leave negative drama behind, as you’re foolish to take it into 2014 with you.
My psychic told me that I would get a job or do something this January which will finally give me that ‘big break’ that i’ve always wanted, because I pulled the ‘fame card.’ I wish and I hope so. But you’ll see. That’s why I’ve said it. So as the year goes on and as opportunity arises i’ll either be skipping merrily to the ‘FINALLY’ beat of success, or moaning because Mystic Meg was wrong.
Lots going on. Not afraid to do well!
Lets get this year on a roll, for myself and for my child. The best way to be a parent, is to set the example.
Happy 2014. Now lets get over it and work hard. (Junior is sleeping through his first day of being 7 months. Men for you. Typical.
Ruby on the other hand is rushing around being bossy. That’s my girl. 🙂 I prayer to GOD that I serve that little girl well! I’ve put her through far too many transitions and she needs stability.
FYI/ The giveaway will begin again tomorrow
Oh and the beauty, fashion blogging will return.