Summer, Xmas and Chilli loos

Hi all!

I’m *rocking* from a Pumpkin spiced latte, so after a night of ‘no sleep’ and a secret baby Princess weep, due to me maybe feeling a little unappreciated (pity party anyone,) I think i’m all okay again? Well, I think? Well lets hope so. Fingers crossed! I don’ t know what’s wrong with me but something is and I need to get to the bottom of it all pronto, before the madness of the glittery explosion occurs and I completely lose my mind, with a *Ba-BOOM-SPRINKLE.* Can anyone say period? Haven’t I just had one? I’ve lost track because I always seem to be pregnant. There’s me thinking that one day I may be some kind of superstar. ๐Ÿ™‚ When all that will happen is a documentary on Channel 4 or BBC3 along the lines of ’15 babies and counting’ or whatever it’s called. ‘Wunna has 42 more children…and counting.’ I just couldn’t. Two winkles seem to be enough right now. ๐Ÿ™‚ The good thing is, that whilst everyone else is JUST having or deciding to have their first or second babies later on in life…y’know when they’re a bit older and grunty. I will have ALREADY done my fair share of producing! ย Meaning that ย I get to be all free, hot and dancy AND ย whilst being an oldie, whilst the chicks are all waddling around moaning and the men are all having to give up their freedom. ๐Ÿ™‚ Yippeee! I’ll be a hot almost 40 year ย old.

I’m in ridiculous heels today and ridiculous heels always humour me. I’m like the cast of ‘Gypsy Wedding’ but with more eyeliner on. No sensible person can really totter around in such inchness. Yet I pretend that I can and I have no idea why? The fact that I’ve just said that simply disturbs me, as I’ve always been a ‘heels at all costs’ kinda girl. I’m a bit more sensible these days and well I kinda fancy myself a whole lot more now that I am clued up. I wish other people did however, as the irrational, sequinned, nutty version of me, with no reins or full stops…was not fun at all. It just looked fun. How I feel right now is 100 times more mighty.

Life on the whole is good. I keep getting these little bouts of ‘angry face’ but once I chill and delight in the positive, I seem to be alright again. I even invested more than 99p in bin bags today. My husband would always moan at me because I always purchased cheapies that snapped and holed with the tiniest amount of weight. But I just couldn’t and still can’t find the glory in paying more money than I have to on bags that I will only use to throw my trash in. I’m buying them to throw them out even! Makes no sense and well its not very Gucci if you ask me. ๐Ÿ™‚

I’ve had a day of reminiscing, where i’ve looked back on my ‘telly’ days, Hollywood life, modelling stuff and ‘Hilton’ hour. It just kinda brought a smile to my face because as a child I always always wanted to be on the telly and no matter what now, I can always say that I did it. I achieved it. Goal. Sorted. I do eventually want to get back on it. However, right now i’m trying to concentrate of working in order to become super dooper stable, where I can relax in my dream home and giggled into my house cocktail. Everything in life really does happen for a reason and I’ll get my time when I get my time. It’ll come…when it’s meant to. But right now…i’m working hard.

My new exciting news is that I’m still going to be re-shooting for this website…meaning you’ll finally get new Wunna pics and although they’ll be sexy, they aren’t going to be slutty. I enjoy sexy and beautiful, simply because people tend to like beautiful people a lot more, don’t they? I don’t know why we do, but we do? We’re either nicer to them than normal. OR we’re really awful about them because they make us feel insecure. But whatever. my pics will be delightful and you’re all going to love them.

Second of all, I’m officially spending Christmas time in the the luxury log cabins and I am SOOOOO EXCITED!!! As you know, my little family and I adore the forest and simply because it’s filled with peace and nature. Plus, we can be hermits. No-one can find us. Even if we wanted them too. We’ve ventured out to hot tub in the woods many a times. This year we’ve already been THREE times and we usually go to mark special occasions.

So this Christmas, courteousy of my Mother, who has bought us it for a pressie, my little family and I will be enjoying the log cabins and doing Christmas properly. I’m a freak for Crimbo, simply because I’m a December baby. I’m also most lucky during that season because my stars seem to make me be. It’ll be Ruby’s first Christmas where she gets what’s going on a little more and Baby Juniors FIRST EVER Xmas celebration. We’ll have a fully decorated tree up in the cabin, lots of pressies, I’ll cook a massive dinner, we’ll be in the middle of the forest, with our log burner, hot tub, warm tinsel smiles, champagne and they even have Santa, carol singers and a brass band for you to enjoy during your stay. I’ve even booked us in cabin spa treatments. ๐Ÿ™‚ Yippeee!

The only thing that’s different is the fact that instead of us going to Sherwood, (which is our main spot) we’re having to go to North Yorkshire because all the cabins got booked up. They’re pricey at Christmas, so Lord knows how they’ve managed to sell each and every one of them. But they have and well we’ll be going from Dec 23rd onwards.

Can’t remember what else I was going to tell you? Thank you for all your messages in regards to the last blog. I guess a lot of you ladies have rubbish picking ability. ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s the norm don’t worry about it. HOWEVER, one young lady stated that she had followed by blog since it’s Hollywood days and she believes i’ve only ever picked on ‘hottness.’ WRONG! I used to, when I was young and because I kinda like a bit of a trophy boy, even to this day. I like a ‘prize’ something that I can show off a little and that’s the ‘masculine’ in me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a fire sign or because I learnt awful habits in Hollywood, because the majority of my friends were boys or gays.

So yeah, i’ve gone for ‘hot’ at times and ‘hot with no substance’ at times. ๐Ÿ™‚ It depends on how the relationship before panned out. ๐Ÿ™‚ But i’ve certainly dated some ‘not stereo typically attractive’ looking boys. Or flung with gents who weren’t at all anything to shout about. Hot is all fine and good to look at when you’re young. But when you get older you realize that substance makes all the difference. I like a GOOD GUY and can’t stand ย BAD BOY. I don’t find being reckless sexy at all. They need to be rock strudy. A solid, stable being of togetherness. I find that attractive and I always have, i’ve never ever fancied Pierre the ‘Party Boy.’ They’re only good for free drinks and having your picture taking with. I mean, if we’re going back in time, the first boy I married wasn’t AT ALL a party boy. He was a solid, stable, soppy sort, who loved love and was determined to be a success. Yeah, a lot of things occured during our marriage because we were far too young. But, the thing that initially attracted me to him was the fact that he was quiet, calm and worked hard. He was goal driven, artsy, liked the finer things in life, positive and intelligent. He was very together and not at all a loose cannon. But he had a great foundation. A really good family. He had good role models. Which is what I had also.

The second boy I married…doesn’t count. ๐Ÿ™‚ He tried to blackmail me for money..then apologised when he returned from a come down.

But the third, is still a boy that once you get to know and once you look beyond a ‘front’ is quite simple with maybe past complications. Yet he too is quite determined, romantic and positive and he’ll work hard for what he wants. He has horrific streaks of boyishness, which is the part I don’t enjoy. But that’s because i’m older, a women and a mum now. Yet on the whole, his basic foundation is good. He didn’t have as many role models to maybe look towards as a child and in fact probably became his own. But I understand that and I know that one day, his head will be cleared of the fuzz and he’ll stand mighty. It’s weird because I sort of ‘mother’ him more than anything else. One of the first things I said to him was ‘you bring out my maternal instinct.’ I’m not sure why I do? But I do. I don’t think it’s bad for him. I know him pretty well.

(Oh and if you’re going through all this and moaning about all my grammatical errors. Please stop. Spelling and correct punctuation is for idiots. ๐Ÿ™‚ Quit being annoying. I can spell and I can punctuate, but just not in these mails or in a rush and i’m always in these nails or in a rush. SO THEIR! Just kidding….SO THERE! Booyah!)

I went on the sunbed in my break today because it looked miserable outside. The funny thing is, once I had completed my session, the sun came out and pulled a ‘Summer’ on us, so I’m therefore sure it was all down to me. I was sweating like ย a half roasted pig when i walked out the joint. I’m glad Summer is over because it was a bit too long for me. I want Christmas and warm clothes to hurry up and get going simply because a British Summer will never be warm enough for me, after a decade in West Hollywood. I’d wake up and it’d be 80 degrees over there. So British BBQ weather is like a freezing cold day in Hollywood. England is best when it’s cold and wintery. LA sucks at Christmas because it’s far too normal and sunny. There’s no festive warmth. Just more tan lines, Summer flings and pool parties. I’ve done all that and even though right now it’s on hold, I do intend on moving back for half the year once my kiddies have become a ย it more grown. Hollywood is a place that I could life forever. It caters to everything that I am. ๐Ÿ™‚ Plus, I can wear all my outfits out there without being called a ‘twat.’ Roll on Christmas.

Everyone seems to have had a really great Monday today. Puts a smile on my face. I like people enjoying a good time, but when they haven’t gone out of their way to make it a good time . Instead a good time has simply turned up ‘out of the blue’ during a normal moment, making it ace. They’re always the best.

I’ve put chilli on everything today and now my belly really hurts. I do naturally prefer spicy, yet i’ve over done it and now i keep needing the loo. #sexy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Class, Love Decent boys and Disco Leggings

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Anytime you have accidentally walked out of a shop, after purchasing high waisted, wet look, lycra disco leggings at 32, or any age be it, you know you’ve still got the ‘sexy.’ Today, I feel sexy. Not because of the high waisted, wet look, disco leggings, because of course I bought them a size too small, under the assumption I was much thinner and well they don’t actually fit me. ๐Ÿ™‚ No carbs for my foreseeable future. Plus, you can’t do wet look, disco leggings on a Sunday daytime. (Saying that, it’s probably something that I WOULD do. Yet i’m still a fatty, so there’s not squeezing into them just yet.) I still feel sexy though. I’m 32, with 2 babies and rocking a MILF title. School boys have told me, whilst waiting for the bus. Then builders told me whilst I was pretending I was ignoring them. When you’re an oldie you like people fancying you a bit, simply because…well….you’re an oldie and everything goes a bit south. (‘South’ as in gravity and not all posh like ‘Made in Chelsea’ as that would be awesome. )

I’ve decided i only enjoy posh things now. I’ve come from good roots and managed to get distracted from them. Then Hollywood added glitter to it all, making the art of fabulousity my thing..I’m currently saying this because I have just had a conversation with one of my good friend’s ex boyfriends, who can’t at all imagine why his ex girlfriend (my friend) doesn’t wish to be with him anymore now that she is with another. Erm..? How about this...’you’re a vest wearing, recreational drug taking, party boy, with no job, who’s 30, not noticed that all the decent boys grew up, found love, made money and didn’t spend time in ayia napa this Summer, looking for love/sex in bermuda shorts, with a lager in theirย hand. #weirdo’ Pahaha!ย 

That’s what I said and managed to get away with. Then because I got away with it, I added more. ๐Ÿ™‚ Oopsie!

‘No wonder she’s gone for suit wearing, decent grown up, who makes loads of dosh, runs his own busy company, loves her, treasures her, romances her and invests time in his relationship with her, over good conversation, love, wine and actually performs decent ‘grown up sex. AND he’s obedient, in the name of love! He’s a proper man and you’ll always lose out on scoring a decent ‘forever’ type girl, until you realize this, hang up you’re Peter Pan tights because all women think that’s gay, and all young foolish girls turn into women one day, so don’t get that twisted. Then if you actually took responsibility for yourself and loved better, she’d find you attractive. But you didn’t. You cheated on her, stayed a boy and she found a better deal. Ah-dee-dums. No sympathy! You have a gym membership and think a bigger bicep is going to score you true love. He has the ability to love, honour and provide. You’re an idiot.’ Lol (You can tell i’ve been through a lot with men through my lifetime. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ve dated loads of good guys and loads of idiots. A sprinkle of losers and a dash of fabulous men. )

Anyway, long story short, she doesn’t like him and he shouldn’t be that shocked. I never get why guys are so shocked why women don’t like them after they’ve messed up? We like to be impressed. If we’re not…we’ll always be looking over your shoulder. We like things to be fairy tale perfect, because we’ve been taught that true love and decent men exist. ย In the end, men like the above. The loser type…don’t win. They never do, but you’ll find that the girl they lost ALWAYS does. ย What a surprise! *Laugh here.* Plus, the boy in question has SO lost his ex, due to the simple fact that she is currently rocking a diamond the size of his one bedroom apartment, ย which states that her new found ย ‘love’ is solid. ๐Ÿ™‚ In the words of Beyonce, ‘to the left, to the left…’ sir! Now let some other guy handle something that you couldn’t.

I love it when girls get a better deal. I’m all for women and their strength.

But I did want to remind any of you delicious ladies who are still on the look out for that bastard Cupid, ๐Ÿ™‚ that from my experience with men and there’s been plenty, from all walks of life, all countries of the world, there ARE good guys out there. If you haven’t found one, your picking ability is off and it just needs a retrain. We as chicks always get it wrong, but know that you can always get it right.

The reason why I know that there are great men out there is because The Gods always remind me. Like today, I accidentally bumped into an old school friend of mine, who is now actually my neighbour and it was refreshing to see what a gentleman he was and had become. He was nothing like the stereotype of ‘loser.’ It reminded me that every boy I went to school with actually is and turned out to be a wonderful man, a true gentleman, who know respect, women, work ย and life and what a being a man is about.I went to school with LOADS of males, meaning that’s a bunch of them all out there in the world ready for you to snatch. ๐Ÿ™‚ Yipppeee! The rest are under rocks?

I also think different women, bring out different sides to gents and well they know when they’re with the right one. They’ll know which one is to be their wife, yet how well they do at keeping her is their job. They are the hunters and the gatherers ย after all. They’re meant to make us feel precious..and when they do…they get….blowjobs. ๐Ÿ™‚

Weirdly, i’m one to actually say and you really would never have thought that I’m pretty lucky in love and i’ve felt lucky all my life in that area. Well, lucky once I reached the age of 19 and moved to LA. My first proper relationship out here, out of school, was hideous and well lets just say I certainly mixed with the wrong type of boy, from the wrong type of background to what i was used to. Y’see, I’m never one to harp on about class, because people are people and we’re all cut from the same fabric. They’re good people and there’s bad people. But…sometimes when two people have been raised differently, to the point where it’s the little things that rock their relationship, (and I say little day to day things because everyone knows what BIG things are not okay at all,) ย due to tight morals, verses looser morals maybe? Or just different rules of ‘okay’ or the things that are deemed as acceptable have been established so strongly to the point where they cannot be altered. I dunno? It just matters and makes a difference.

I’ve had an amazing weekend with the kids. Ruby rocked yesterday and was the happiest I had ever seen her.I kept having to chase her around department stores because she kept thinking the mannequins were ‘her mum’ and that she needed to stand by on the giant displays and pose on them. Posing, playing, cuddling me. She was wonderful. Junior slept through most of the adventures and then suffered the ‘still aches’ from his injections. Hope he feels better soon, as this whole early morning to work thing on zero hours sleep is not going to be okay. But I guess it’s all part an parcel until they are fully fledged grown ups. ๐Ÿ™‚ Next time I have babies….i am sooooooooooooooo hiring nannies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lime Green, Kiddie Band, Advice….much

 

I had a lime green ‘Bad boy Barry’ car following me today. Not ‘following’ as in stalking. Just ‘following’ as in driving behind me. Whenever we had to go ‘speed limit’ he kept over revving behind me, all lime green and bizarro. I was sat infront of him, trundling along at 30 miles an hour, with SClub7’s Greatest hits playing on full blast. ๐Ÿ™‚ You’d think he’d over take me right? But no, he just wanted to ‘rev’ and ‘rev’ and show the world that he had a small willy. ๐Ÿ™‚ At one point we were even on a National speed limit road and he still revved behind me, all lime green and bizarro? He even winked at me, whilst I was stuck in traffic, before he managed to wedge in behind my wheels. #lovely

I’ve had an odd day. I’ve worked hard. Tossed it off all week really. But today…I worked hard. However, anytime you have time to fit in a sunbed session, means you haven’t really worked that hard. I’m still in training. So sue me. (In fact, no…don’t.)

Met a couple of friends by accident. One who won raffle booze, the other who used to be in a very popular children’s band. ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ And well there I was with a copy of my son’s birth certificate in my hand, smelling like sunbed, rushing off to nursery to pick Ruby up early because she apparently slept pooing and imaungey. Bless her. ๐Ÿ™‚ I adore Rubes.

We’ve had really great one on one ‘Mummy/Ruby’ time today. We’ve bubbled bathed, danced, hid in cupboards, eaten meat, cleaned more poos, giggled, danced, decided which SClub7 member was going to be her uncle and well now she’s asleep. In normal cases this would be great!!! However, I specifically told her to try and stay awake, simply so we could collect her brother on time, (who we left at nursery.) She’s zonked. Fast on. In dream land. Not even budging. What am I meant to do? I can’t just leave poor Baby Junior at nursery because Ruby needs a snooze. Lol. Jeepers! He didn’t sleep at all last night and I found it hilarious. Tonight because I have no work in the morning, he’ll pass out like a log. Just watch! It’s the story of my life. I’m literally a proper, hardcore mum now.

We’re not going to the audition tomorrow, which is sort of good because it saves us all faffing around and well the kids can have family time, instead of being carted off to ‘smile on cue’ for potential monies. Family time rocks and well they can make money when they’re 20 something. Before that time, I’ve got it for them. ๐Ÿ™‚ Plus Ruby is pooing for the nation right now, so maybe she needs some Calpol and a cuddle. Not to be dressed up like a dolly and told to perform. ๐Ÿ™‚

Can’t remember what I was gonna say now? Got lots of love today. Listened to my friend maon about their love lives. Hellooo? I’ve been through a lot over the past few weeks. I don’t wanna hear moaning. You don’t have it that bad! Lol

. ‘Oh Chrissie, i’m devastated. He didn’t give me my allowance this month. ๐Ÿ™ ‘

Golly! Times must be hard. ๐Ÿ™‚

Things are good right now when it comes to my area of love. I’m being cautious, but as always trusting. I do however think (after hearing my guy friend moan today) that boys shouldn’t give other boys advice on girls. Men know nothing about girls. Nothing at all. If you need girl advice, you MUST ask a girl. A third party, mutual girl, without a motive. As if two guys can talk, conjure up an idea and then come out with an action, result or thought about chicks, when they’re not chicks themselves. Women know women. Dont get it twisted.

So yeah gents, the worst thing you can do when you have love life problems is ask your guy mate. You’ll end up in MORE trouble then it’s worth and you’ll certainly end up playing the game of love instead of just loving. I mean, some of the poor advice I heard today cracked me UP. I just looked in astonishment and said, ‘Holy crap. You’re not ACTUALLY going to do that are you??’ Men need to understand that the answer is always romance. True romance.

I guess, with guys, it’s uncool to give another guy good, decent, love bunny advice. They see it as girly for a guy to actually be decent. That is why boys need to stop giving each other words of wisdom when it comes to women. It’s funny that boys are still so stupid after years and years of knowing women. Boys are far much greater, when they graduate and actually become men. You’re a product of your environment gents. Don’t always let us ladies down. You should get what women wan by now. Figuring it out was at 18.

 

 

 

Sleeping Beauty & Space Jazz

 

Today…I’m knackered and I know i’m knackered simply because not only did I believe it was Wednesday on a Thursday, but I also seem to be unable to open my eyes to their full kitten effect, meaning they just need a bit more sleepy.ย 

Junior had his injections yesterday. A horrific moment for me, hence why I always let ‘Daddy’ do the holding down for the jab. We all went to get my little bundled weighed and pricked, all in the name of good health, (he actually started giggling out loud and wiggling with his willy, when he was starkers on the weighing cradle *rolls eyes*…) so afterward I decided to treat us all to a bit of boneless chicken at TGI’s. ย Mummy bear, Daddy bear, Ruby bear and Junior bear, rocked up to our comfy red booth and chowed down! It was lovely and well.. us all being a family again really seems to be making a difference. Of course life has busied up, so it’s a great deal harder to get fully back on track romantically. Children, work and mayhem seem to take over.

But I saw the sparkle in my little girls eyes yesterday..a sparkle that had forgotten to twinkle out, ย for a wee while. When you’re a mum, that sparkle is essential and something you crave to see in the eyes of your loin fruit. But yes, she’s back to being confident, chipper and giggly again. I mean, this morning when her eyes woke up, even though mine were knackered from Junior deciding not to sleep…(luckily this time I had help)..she peeped up, smiled like her smile could melt the hearts of the entire world, squeezed my hand and said, ‘Gosh, I love you mummy.’ Awww. (I enjoy that my children are charming. They can be rascals at times, but i’m proud that they are able to manipulate themselves out of trouble with utter, ‘smeared on thick’ charm. ๐Ÿ™‚ She called me ‘a witch’ the other morning.)

I still can’t keep my eyes open. This working malarky, with two kiddies is hard core. I’m doing my very early mornings, staying up with the children through the night if they need me, working, travelling, tending to nursery runs and now i’m back to being wifey. It’s great. But I need staff! ๐Ÿ™‚ However, I’ll enjoy the benefits to it all the work, when it comes to Christmas and my bank balance is *BA BOOMING.* That’s my incentive. Cold…hard…cash. ๐Ÿ™‚

It’s only been two weeks and i’m knackered. ๐Ÿ™‚ I already need a break, a holiday…a massage. I’m starting to think that Sleeping Beauty had the right idea. Always thought she was a bit of a lazy cow, but now i’m thinking she was the smartest Princess in all of the land. ‘I’ll kip for 100 years, you lot do everything for me, then get some hot guy to kiss me, wake my ass up and i’ll get lots of fame, attention and love. The End!’ Works for me!

(UGH! WHAT IS WITH PLACES TURNING UP THE AIR CON WHEN IT’S FREEZING OUTSIDE!!! I’ve got fripples, on top of fripples today! They’re like Woody Woodpeckers! ย UGH! GOD! Now someone’s phone is ringing and it’s that weird ‘Popcorn’ ringtone. It sounds like old school ‘space jazz.’ Just what I need when i’m this exhausted. Space jazz. GIVE ME BED.)

At least it’s Friday tomorrow. That’ll be nice. Ruby, Junior, The Hubs and I have got an audition for a Christmas supermarket commercial at the weekend. It’s good to go on a family type audition, as you feel all excited to have company. So fingers crossed. I haven’t fully read the brief, as it was actually emailed to Keiran. But i’m sure we’ll do alright. If we get it, it’s good ‘dollar,’ meaning Santa will certainly be coming down our forest chimney. (We’re in the forest for Christmas cabin fun this year. I’m fully excited for it, as i’ll be on a big old break from work! Yeeha!)

But anyway, I can’t be more interesting just yet, as I have a lot to get through, sleep to look forward to and there are eyes glaring at me, like I should be being more productive.

Love you,

Fill you in later.

x

 

 

 

 

 

False Start

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What a morning!! I’ve been mentally busy, meaning that I haven’t had time to sitty down and blog. Napping changing, schedules, love, mummy hood and work seem to be my current juggle and well i’ve never been one to really appreciate the art of juggling. In my mind it’s for clowns. ๐Ÿ™‚ And i’m a clown with boobs, meaning people do things for me. ๐Ÿ™‚ *Wiggle-Giggle-Shoots custard pies out of her nipples.*

But yes. Lots going on! Lots to be delighted about and lots to be concerned about. Woke up at 5.03am this morning, after being up for most of the night with Baby Junior. (He didn’t fancy snoozing last night. He just wasn’t feeling it.) ย Got up at 5am. Got ready. Whopped on a pinstriped shirt. Did my face. curled my hair. Chattered about the events of the day with ‘now awake’ husband, giggled at Junior, woke Ruby up early, got her dressed for nursery, We all set off. Exchanged children from my car to Husbands van. They waited with him until the day turned 7.45am. I had already dashed off to make a very important meeting, in a ‘bit of a distance’ town. Drive all the way there. Beat all the morning ย traffic. Swore at dodgy dangerous drivers. (At one point there were headlights that had chosen to drive in the incorrect direction and on the incorrect side of the road headed straight towards me.) Felt over the moon at the fact that I had simply made good time, even though I could’ve got killed. Pull up. Make a phone call. Get t the appointment. Rush in, so that I’m not late and *BOOM* it gets postponed until next week. ๐Ÿ™‚

That’s just my luck!

It’s just classic ‘What happens to Wunna’ stuff. I mean, you can’t really help it when things of that sort occur. I laughed it off with a ‘see you next week.’ I really didn’t mind too much. What can you do? It’s funny. However, I cannot believe that I actually woke up at 5am!

The going there was much easier then the going back. On the way back and hit that early morning work rush and boy was that shitty. On the positive…good calf workout though. They fricking killed by the end of it. In fact I was soo stuck in traffic that I even had time to ponder through a Heat magazine and read up about Paris and her Ibiza residency and Khloe Kardashian and her now druggie Lamar. It’s sad when you sort of see or know of someone who is portrayed in such a positive light…like ‘Lamar’ is on the show. I mean, he’s meant to be a good kid, who’s done well, without a father, or good upbringing..he knows how to love, he’s kind, he’s honorable. Then you find out that that’s only in the ‘fairytale telly’ version.’The real version has a cocaine addiction, a party addiction and a sleeping with other women addition. It’s crazy really innit. I don’t like it when people portray themselves as squeaky clean, when they’re not. However, I seem to not mind people who do it the other way around, y’know actually be a really great person, yet portray themselves as an idiot. Yet that’s obviously because their core is of goodness. Poor Khloe Kardash. I mean, she seemed so obsessed with him tooo. However, now i guess they’ll be headed to the divorce courts. Who’d a thought Scott Disick would’ve turned out to be the good guy, the daddy, the obedient husband and Lamar would be the loser? Role reversals! Yee haa!

However, i’m not going to be too harsh on ‘Lamar’ as of course, what I know about Losers, is the simple fact that their usual mistake making stems from something much deeper, that once caused them pain. So yeah, he’s fucking up, grew up in the ‘most best’ environment, now in a flurry of party and drug taking, letting his good wife down and everything in between…but I’ve just read his Twitter and this is what the poor man said out loud..

‘Won’t continue 2 speak on this but I have got 2 let this out real quick. I have let this man and many others get away with a lot of shit. He wasn’t there 2 raise me. He was absent ALL of my life due to his own demons. My mother and grandmother raised me. Queens raised me. For the first time since they left, came a blessing of a FAMILY that I married into. FAMILY. That man wasn’t even invited to my wedding. He has never met my mother in law and some of my other family. How can a man who has NOT once called me to check on my well being have the nerve to talk so recklessly about his own “son”. He is my downfall! His own demons may be the ONLY thing he gave 2 me. He disrespecting the ONLY FAMILY that has loved me without expecting anything in return. They are the ONLY ones that have been here consistently 4 me during this dark time. Only person 2 blame is myself. Say what you want about me but leave the ones who have done nothing but protect and love me out of this! This goes to out to everyone!’

So, I guess the absence of his father has truly affected him and the comfort of his new family in law has been a blessing and a joy. He’s ventured on a bender due to the pain of all that is going on and also the ‘trying to have a baby’ and the ‘oh my Dads decided to make an appearance’ thing has ย re-triggered off a bounty of not very fun memories, which we all try and deal with in our very own special way.

…………………………….

Enough of that!

I’m back home now because Junior has his injections later on today. ๐Ÿ™ Poor thing. I’m still in work clothes, but with an updo and a much needed coffee. I’ve managed to tidy around and get things back to normal before Ruby gets home and destroys it al. ๐Ÿ™‚ I adore my little girl because she’s my number 1 chica.

Saying that, last night my mum and dad pooped around for a ‘hello,’ and to see the children. I don’t know what happened, but after I had redyed my highlights (i got these awful highlights yesterday I just wanted little bits of brown streaks, underneath here and there. Ended up with the whole top of my head BLOND. It was awful and I looked like I did Asian blow job porn. I immediately dyed it back to classic black and I feel so much more darling for it. I don’t know what possessed me to do such a thing. But you all need to start telling me how amazing my hair actually is so I never ever do it again! When people think they’re beautiful, they don’t really ‘play’ with their look. I must’ve been having an insecure hair day. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m back to me now though and i’m loving it.

But yes, made steak for tea…all the blah, blahs. My mum, dad, hubby and the children were home and at around 8pm my mum gets mad at a comment that’s been made, (well I assume it was a comment) and storms out, with my little Burmese daddy in tow.

In our family, we adore the children. ADORE THEM. However, I always believe Junior will be alright and that Ruby has been put through far too many transitions for a 2 year already. So my heart always over protects her, which is also mirrored through my mum. We’re great mums. We’re always poking out our wings of protection. Ruby is only two, yet extremely bright for her age and especially when it comes to knowing what’s going on around her and it’s often foolish of adults to believe otherwise. I mean, you hear so many grownups say ‘oh he/she won’t know…she’ s only two,’ but how wrong…they DO KNOW! It’s crazy how much they observe. Even nursery explains that to me all the time.

All is well, but today hasn’t quite gone to plan. I’m exhausted i’ll tell you that and i still have ย luncheons, nursery runs, injections and all sorts to champion and all of it in heels and pinstripes.

Nap needed.

Back to the beginning…

 

The weekend was AMAZING! Ruby has been desperate to start galloping through tinsel, so we spent Saturday ‘doing Christmas’ and sprinkling our merry lives with that little bit of festive glitter.

In case you didn’t know, I’m an absolute whore…for Christmas. ๐Ÿ™‚ Meaning it only took me approximately 2.3 seconds to find both Baby Ruby & Baby Junior this….

..to quench their thirst to wallow in a pre-Christmas glory.

(And to all of you doing the whole Scroogy… ‘But it’s only September…?’ D’ya not think I know that! ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s September, I get it. I’m doing Christmas. Wahoo! You might as well grab a mulled wine and get with it. Halloween’s a drag and bonfire night may smell delicious, yet is certainly cold enough weather to freeze ya balls off. Christmas is all about joy and TAKING presents off people. ๐Ÿ™‚ How can you not love it! Santa, magic, carols, warmth, family, love…stockings, tinsel…Baileys…the list is endless. So you can all sit and twiddle ya thumbs to the soothing sound of September. (Boring ย month. There isn’t even a drink for September.) But I know which holiday i’d rather be celebrating. Roll in the pokey elf suits!

Rubes picked out tinsel….

Junior pretended to be Baby Jesus. ๐Ÿ™‚ (Ruby and I did MAKE him, however he didn’t seem that impressed. I consulted Gay Adam on this and Junior is apparently just not that into Christianity or hates me. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

It was fun. The day was great. The children loved it as much as I did. Weirdo’s from every corner popped out of nowhere to chat with me. When I’m saying weirdo’s, I’m truly meaning severely weird folk and not just everyday folk. I don’t know what’s wrong with my timing or my eyes but whenever I seem to look up a weirdo manages to connect ‘eyelines’ with me and then before you know it, they’re marching forward and starting good old bizarre conversation with me, which I then feel like I HAVE to take part in, in order for them to refrain from feeling weird and well it’s just polite innit. HOWEVER, not when the weirdo’s think I should put them before the basic maintenance of my children. Lol.

I had a granny follow me around, wanting to know if Ruby wanted to suck her thumb?? Then a 63 year old man, who was maybe ‘not all there’ who kept telling me he was a miner, then a marathon runner, then in the Army for Japan and with a now 92 year old Mum. He kept trying to talk too close to my face and butting my children out of the way to get my attention first. Lol. Now, I love the elderly, but he was 62, and WEIRD. He wasn’t old enough for me to be like ‘awww.’ He was younger than my own mum…but just plain old weird. He followed me around too and tried to talk to me anytime I stood still. He talked so much that clever Ruby made the most of this ‘mummy is only half noticing me’ moment and decided to almost DESTROY the entire store of Christmas decorations. ๐Ÿ™‚ Junior just chilled and scowled at every weirdo whenever he could get a scowl in. He’s far too happy to be scowling.

By the time I was done, I had a conga line of strange people following me out to my car, all just wanting conversation. It really put me off people. ๐Ÿ™‚ I decided to leg it with the children, so we spent the rest of the day shopping in Doncaster, then leaping through soft play centres like champions. There was actually a point where my Mother had to stop me from being too chipper. I was galloping the children through life with a smile, diamonds and joy. My Mum just looked at me, as I was wiggling diamantes infront of Junior to make his eyes go googly with delight and she paused and simply said, ‘Chrissie, your son is going to NEED Daddy to step in and take over soon, simply because there is no way on this earth that you’re going to be able to raise a boy, that isn’t completely gay.’ ๐Ÿ™‚

Sunday came and Sunday was lovely.

I’ve been going through such an awful lot emotionally of recent and well let’s just say Sunday was the day that the missing piece to the jigsaw slotted right back into place. Love got the capital ‘L’ back. Forever meant until the time we pass and happiness rainbowed over Wunna land. It was a good day, where the ‘fuziness’ got wiped clear, the blackboard became clean slated and the Ctrl/Alt/Delete button’s were pressed to take me back to the beginning.

It was a family day…well with Ruby missing because she was stuffing herself with Sunday dinner at Pete’s. But yes, a family day in the sun at Newmillerdam, after a spot of Yorkshire pudding and love.

The good thing about Newmillerdam is that for our little family it’s a place of peace. A place where we sort of became a family, a palce of rebirth, a place of new beginnings and a place where I once tried to buy a bench and have it honoured to my husband, before I realized that he would actually have to be dead in order to have the plaque processed and a bench in his name ๐Ÿ™‚ OOps!

Sunday dinner was delicious…and actually meant a lot more than usual. The walk around Newmillerdam.. around the trees…the swans and lake…signified beauty and old memories. (Junior then pooed and had to get naked/changed on a bench in the woods, after us having to ask strangers for wet wipes, because ‘Mummy’ had brought everything but the most important thing…which were the wet wipes. The ‘most important thing’ is always the thing you’ve forgotten to pack, in your mid-morning, kiddie rush. It doesn’t even matter what it was you managed to forget. You’ll find it’s the only thing that you end up desperately needing. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m good like that. I’ll bring everything, but the right stuff.

Sunday with the family was great!

After that, we didn’t really want to go home, so we continued out journey to Pugney’s to sit on grass, in the sun and eat ice creams, as life cuddled us back to one.

It all just felt right and it all popped back to perfect. I felt beautiful again and loved again and in return everyone around me did also.

The evening was left to chilling in comfies, cuddles, junk food and love. It was one of those evenings that you sort of really missed and felt somewhat relieved to finally have again, when laid on the sofa with your little family around you, no pieces missing and with everyone’s heart connected.

It felt good…and is going to get even better.

…………

Anyway, i’ve got to keep it brief, simply because i have a lunch meeting to start pronto. I can’t wait to get home, but of course just as I feel all happy, in love and whole, The Gods fuck me over by messing up my phone! Lord knows what’s happened to it, but I had a message on my screen asking me if I wanted to ‘install updates.’ I agree to this foolishly and before you know it, the entire thing crashes, freezes, stops working and goes *kaputt.*

I’ve even rushed to a nearby phone fixy shop to see if they can solve the problem, since I can’t use my phone at all now and apparently, they will TRY AND FIX IT FOR ME. But ALL MY MY DATA, INCLUDING NUMBERS, PICTURES AND VIDEOS, WILL GET DELETED!!

Wonderful! Lol. Just my luck!

I guess whatever-whatever… new chapter, new start, new phone wipe.

From now on I am uploading every little piece of picture or video that I have of my little kiddies and family online immediately. Luckily, i’ve been quite good at that lately, so it’s not so bad. Yet imagine! I had Junior’s entire upbringing on my phone to date!!! Bastards! Technology is great, but it can’t half wind you up! As if my own phone is going to politely ask me to update it and when i do it fucks me over with a ‘middle finger’ and belly laugh.

Life is good. My marriage if back in tact and my my babies are more than beautiful because of it.

Okay. Meeting. Lunch. See ya!

My advice to anyone who’s tumbled through a similar situation…try and keep it simple and focus on the positives.

Other than that just love…because like the saying goes, ‘if two hearts are meant to be together, they’ll always find their way back to one another.’

 

 

 

Be a lioness and totally feel up your Friday!

 

Just one of those GREAT DAYS, filled with flirty dips of Wunna land and massive chunks of laughter.

In life, all that matters, other than the babies you raise is and the art of working toward success, is that you hold onto your integrity and you stand by it the heart of a lion. It’s important to always do the right thing. Yet people in life, often do what’s right for them. Which obviously means they often make really huge mistakes, which simply and quite often ๐Ÿ™‚ leaves ย them in a pool of their own disappointment and guilt, which then turns into a lifetime of internal ouchiness. I’ve been there and done that as a stupid little kid. So, nothing is better now that standing fully grown, smiling at what I have, what i’ve accomplished and who I am and laughing at those who aren’t quite there yet.

I was talking to a bunch of my LA friends today and they said that one of the things they always adored about me, other than the fact that I was beautiful ๐Ÿ™‚ (thought i’d get that in) was the simple fact that when it came to passion and strength, I was certainly a chick who would never go down without a fight and even if it seemed like I hadn’t won at the time, when it came to the end result, I always did and have! BOOyah! *Electric slide here*It kind made me feel strong again, especially because I was half naked when talking to one. It wasn’t kinky. I was undergoing a complimentary beauty treatment. I’ve started to get loads of free stuff and it’s ace because if I have Ruby, gentleman want to impress me by impressing her, like when I went to the foodie festival thing in Doncaster. Every gent told me I had ‘beautiful eyes’ and as a result gave my daughter presents of foodie delights. She stuffed her face so much that she actually passed out with what looked like gout. Pahaha. Today, I got a beauty treatment, all on the house with bells on. There’s nothing like a midday unwind, when it’s for free. It’s harder to unwind when you’ve paid for the treatment yourself, simply because you want your ‘ooh laa’ to feel like a treat, don’t ya? It’s like having a boy who loves you for you and as a result worships your every being, no matter what it takes, as opposed to a boy that loves you because you pay for dinner, trips and bills. Both boys want to stay and are practicing the same relationship. Yet of course, they both feel very different.

Totally was watching Millionaire Matchmaker last night and it upset me to see a random ‘trying to be young’ cougar chase 20 something boys. Now, I don’t mind a toy boy, yet i’d never date someone 20 years older than me. Boys are immature anyway, let along one that is 20 years behind you emotionally. She was stereo-typically, ‘trying to be young’ and trying to pretend that she enjoyed ‘young boyish’ hobbies like ‘driving fast cars’ and ‘shooting guns.’ Yawn. As if! I don’t like transparent girls. There is nothing wrong with embracing the fact that you’re a grown up now and you want to be loved in a grown up way and be with a grown up man and that you like things done your way and that you don’t like doing stupid young boyish shit. ๐Ÿ™‚ She looked so lonely and sad, under a giant mask of ‘look, i’m so much fun!’ย 

Then Patti the matchmaker got to the bottom of it and well the cougar had stated she was one in a long term relationship before, where she was engaged. But the guy left to go live in another country and that she knew that he was going anyway before he left, meaning it wasn’t so bad. ERM?

In the words of every girl and Patti herself, if a man loves you he will go to the ends of the earth and back, he’ll move mountains, swim streams, alter his entire world in order to be by your side. Not move to another fucking country, when he’s engaged to you?That means they don’t love you and never respected you. I just don’t get why she didn’t admit that she was hurt by that and hurt by his stupidity? I mean that’s okay, it happens to everyone? Most women have dated some kind of stupid man at some point and regardless to what men think, most women are the same. No, in fact, when you look at our cores, ALL WOMEN are the same. That’s for men to!

Instead, the way she acted out her pain was to date pretty toy boys, 20 years her junior, be desperate to look young and do everything she can to keep these money hungry young chappies, by altering the fact that she was an oldie, a grown up and lived a stable life. It made me feel sad for her. However, in the end, she got it and she chose to maybe go about choosing dates more wisely.

I mean, when you’re a girl, you’re a little bit more lost. yet when you’re a women, know that that is something to be proud of and that that is something that a man should honour. Make your mark, stand up for what you believe, take no nonsense whatsoever and if they give you nonsense, you don’t have to do anything really because their own guilt eats at them forever. Remember that I said, 80% of men when asked if they would marry the same woman again, if they could do it all over again said ‘YES.’ So even if they leave you, if you are a woman of worth, you can rest assure that they NEVER do better than you. And I know that from experience. A lot of my exes have at some point inboxed me telling me that i’m the ‘one that got away.’ Yawn. Or that they want to ‘take me out, to talk.’ They forget how shitty they were when we were actually together and unfortunately i’m a grudge holder. I never forget the rubbish things people do to me, so if I no longer love them…I no longer care. I never stay their friend and I never have them about my life. I’m always one to move it along and I think in life, you’ll only ever let the girl or guy you truly love be the one you care for unconditionally, which just means when they balls ups and the mist of anger has risen, you’re still stood there smiling, reaching out your hand for them to hold and assuring them that they can still ‘do life’ with you because your bond roots deeper than most people expected. I’m aware that people mistake make and have sympathy when they state they have mistake made and that they were sorry for it. However, with me there’s only a tiny tolerance level when it comes to the amount mistake making a boy will make. I’ve learnt from all my ‘boo-boo’s and I know that people learn things at different times in their life, yet if they’re not learning by the first or second bit of wrong footing, then I begin to become unimpressed with them and with me it’s very important that I am always impressed by the man I am with.

In a group of boys, i’ll always much prefer the quite shy friend that doesn’t say much and is polite, over the ‘ring leader’ party weirdo, who’s trying to over sell himself to you like a plonker. They’re usually the boys that are the least ‘together.’ It doesn’t even matter to me if they’re hot. Once they start doing the ‘i’m so fun and crazy, party boy’ thing I just don’t fancy them anymore.

I’ve been and seen everything when it comes to a ‘party boy’ and embraced the circumstance in one of the best cities to play ‘party’ at, in the world. I’ve never been impressed by them, simply because i quickly noticed that the boys that are successful are not usually those boys. ๐Ÿ™‚ I enjoy success in both myself and in a partner. ๐Ÿ™‚

Remember that successful people have successful habits. You are a product of your environment. The people you have surrounding you often represent the person that you are and I was reminded of ย that today when I looked around and saw who I had around me at the time. I have a lot in common with them and I guess we HAVE accidentally rubbed off upon each other. Luckily, it’s a good thing because i’ve been in a situation before, when I was much younger in Hollywood (and I have some wonderful friends in Hollywood) But at one point, I went loopy and had nothing but ‘no hopers’ around me, which for a while turned me into a no hoper also. It was a really sad moment. Yet, I flicked the switched and changed it, because it just wasn’t me. That’s also goes for when picking a ‘life partner.’ The person your with represents what you stand for, so be warned girlies! Pick correctly.

Today, I’m happy and I’m happy because it’s FRIDAY!!! I have my Friday feeling and well for the first time in ages i’m actually venturing out for a few delightful cocktails with friends. If anyone deserves it…it’s me.

I’m spray tanned and divine and I’m ready to dance to the merry sound that most of us call a FRIDAY!

Ps/ I much preferred Friday when it used to be ‘date night.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lawyers, Grannies, Blow jobs and Slut Drops

 

Yesterday, I taught a bunch of young, suited, booted, well educated, 20-something lawyers….to ‘Slut drop.’ If you are unaware of such a move, then you just don’t have swag, or haven’t had the opportunity to be around indecent women. ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s a sudden booty drop to the floor, in the name of sexy whilst you’re dancing, with a *ping* back up like you’re a vixen, with an uncontrollable sex drive. Stupid really. yet drunk men can’t get enough of it. Any man that you can pull, after performing this move, is not husband material. ๐Ÿ™‚ Now, I might be aware of the art of ‘slut dropping,’ yet I don’t ever have to pull one out of my bag of tricks…and well simply because…I’ve had 5 minutes on the telly, then a few more minutes in a Lads mag… and then of course, the trusty old faithfuls… boobs. *Applaud here.*

I was sat in an office, a big one, listening to young lawyers throw themselves bit of a pity party, due to the fact that they want ‘proper girls, who went to school, who have a good job and who haven’t thought it was amazing to spent part of this Summer in Ibiza.’ (Men love a pity party, don’t they?) I just looked at them, smiled and with a ‘Yeah, life must be really hard for you all, being so intelligent, successful and wealthy. Chick must hate you. ๐Ÿ™‚ I completely understand your pain,’ย I had won them over with charm and two seconds later, when ‘going home‘ time had almost occured, BA BOOM…I taught them how to ‘slut drop. (If you still don’t know what that is, just Google it because I can’t be bothered to baby step you through indecency. I’m not Madonna in the 80’s. I’ve just spent too much time in Hollywood. ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

Anyway so, yesterday ended up being one of those amazing ‘GOOD NEWS’ days. I never really get so many of them, so I was shocked. However yesterday was the day, that I was to be showered with non-stop GREAT FLIPPING NEWS! I couldn’t be happier, because it kept streaming in like the beavers forgot to build the dam! ย I’m positive that I deserve some kind of reward, right? *Bounces up-do, with hand.* So, instead of being modest, i’m just going to celebrate with champion arms and maybe do an ‘in you face’ shout of ‘Yahoo!’ ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’ll tell you more about it next week, as right now it’s still too fresh for me to deliver. However, it’s good to feel excited and I certainly do feel that.

Oh…then I got a random text from a manager asking me if I wanted 10k to be cast in a small film, as the main chickola, who’s a business woman or something? Then came the ‘But there’s a fully nude sex scene in it, sort of like the one off Basic Instinct,’so you would have to be comfortable with that. Interested?’

Now, due to me having a past of nudity, people always want to roll me over a ‘look at’ when it comes to roles that require the art of sexy. Yet, even though I wave the flag for the celebration of the human body, I need to make sure that it is actually an ACTING JOB…and not some kind of dodgy PORN. I was married to and have dated a gzillion actors, so I completely get nudity and sex scenes in the name of film and telly…However, if it’s not an actual acting job and just a dodgy porn, then it’s an absolute NO GO. This is obviously something that, I will have to make sure of. So, i’ll fill you in on the hokey pokey of it later. Ten thousand pounds isn’t bad though. ๐Ÿ™‚ Cha-ching!

(Sorry, i’m writing this and half watching Jersey Shore clips on Youtube. So, i’m getting distracted by their naughtiness. I used to get loads of mail from people who thought that I may have the same kind of personality as Snooki. ๐Ÿ™‚ Oh Lord, have mercy! Now, I love Snooki a lot and I think she does a great job at entertaining the young masses. ย However Snooki, probably isn’t even like Snooki in real life. I assure you that I AM the EXACT OPPOSITE. Remember when I was on that talk show and Dom Jolly said I reminded him of her! Evil twat! ๐Ÿ™‚ I was pregnant tooo! I think I was raised much better that people can imagine. Lol. I had love and everything. I promise. But i’ll get to that later. Here’s what I’m watching…)

 

Okay, away from that! One of my new favourite shows to watch is obviously ‘Educating Yorkshire.’ I’m a Yorkshire girl, I currently reside here and well it’s good that we’re on the telly. However, it’s bad that we’re shown in such a dodgy light! Lol. I adore the show because it’s obviously hilarious, but OH MY GOSH, as I Tweeted last night, I don’t remember school being ANYTHING LIKE ‘Educating Yorkshire?’ It was nothing like that at all! It was sort of completely and utterly..absolutely different. I mean, even the way the teachers talk to the pupils, shocked me. Pahaha! ‘You’re a pain in the arse you!’ WTF?

But yes, @Wazza (who hosts this merry site and all of my Cyberland, hoo-haa) and I (as his beautiful ‘other half’ Hannah stated last night, went to ‘Posh School,’ so we never really got to experience ‘Georgia’ type characters and we never really even talked in class or even thought to be disrespectful to our teachers or even one another. ๐Ÿ™‚

Wazza was in fact the class clown, the sort of ‘bully-in a funny way’ type of jolly when it came to school and well he’s nothing like the boys on that show. He’s probably the nicest, funniest gentleman, you’ll ever meet. Lol. So, it’s really interesting for me to watch. I’m loving it and now extremely grateful that my parents PAID for me to learn my ‘A,B,C’s.’ I would’ve got my head kicked in! I would’ve been terrified to go to school. I think going to ‘Posh school’ is something that you appreciate more when you’re older and when you witness what it may have been like if you didn’t. ๐Ÿ™‚

Now, I don’t want to come across as a snob (even though I am a bit of a snob,) as it really doesn’t matter where an individual schools, as successful people ย have sprouted from all kinds of rural beginnings…Some of them didn’t even make it to a school, in the first place. Yet I will say that the environment and the people are extremely different in a private school. It’s sort of made easier on us, because we don’t have to be as self motivated in order to have a good education, as everything around us is catered and groomed to give us the best shot at being successful in life. And the environment is only of that manner, simply because our parents paid for it to be that way. It’s sort of like a business. A snotty business that keeps your children around good other children, who come from successful families..in order to help them to excel or simply be decent grown ups.

Ugh! I feel like this is all too boring and political. I need to bring in the ‘Dancing Girls,’ for a ‘snap back’ to fun!

*Can-Can Here*

I almost put up my Christmas decorations at home yesterday. I go through these zany moments of needing to throw everything out in order to feel free. Once that was done, I sort of looked around and noticed a distinct lack of warmth. ๐Ÿ™‚ The only thing that could’ve cured it would have been red and gold tinsel. Luckily, I ran out of baby formula, so I had to dash off to the supermarket to get some before the nursery run.

When I got there, the granny that i’ve adopted, (an old lady who I always talk to because her husband died and she feels lonely) told me to ‘bugger off’ because I had a sore throat and get this…if she ‘was going to have a sore throat,’ she would want aย ‘bloody good reason for having one.‘ Then she performed the dirtiest of LAUGHS, known to mankind. Grannies and blow jobs. HOLY INAPPROPRIATENESS! I truly love it! Everyone needs to adopt a lonely granny. They’re hilarious and all inappropriate, when you least expect it.

She then told me that I had given her a new lease of life. Although it brought a big warm smile to my face, that meant I no longer needed tinsel…I still told her off for insinuating that she wanted to give ‘head.’ *Wiggle-wink*

www.chrissiewunna.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Panic Buttons, Love blips & the Art of Success

 

So!

I drove all the way to my meeting yesterday morning. It was a miracle that I had got there on time, simply because instead of breathing and taking life’s natural brick road of ‘yellow.’ I did what any glamour puss, with 2 children, a nursery run, love life drama and a pair of lady suit pants that were far too long in the leg, would do and that was give the *PANIC* button a mighty good *WHACK.*

*Panic* buttons are shit. Never *whack* them unless you’re quite willing to stress yourself out EVEN more and live life on a timer. A pointless timer that you seem to put yourself on and simply because in that moment you’ve decided to throw a stress festival. Banners and everything.

The living room was a circus of glittery insanity.It was what I like to professionally refer to as , FUCKED UP. ๐Ÿ™‚ (Excuse my French.) Junior wanted feeding and feather tickling. (Don’t ask!) ย Ruby kept pooing for the nation. One after the other, after the other, after the other. The TV was singing Children’s nursery rhymes at me. A DVD player was reading out the story of Cinderella at least 5 notches too loud. I was sat in nothing but a pinstripe shirt and a thong. We were late. The door was knocking, my phone was ringing and well it was all going to pot and it seemed as though the entire room was spinning around in a flurry of Wunna madness. I even had clip-in extensions flinging themselves about the room, like they were on some kamikaze mission of destruction. And my HAND! FFs! MY HAND! It had a bronzing brush in it and began acting like Britney Spears when she completely lost her mind. I wanted to go to this meeting ‘au naturelle.’ Instead..and because my hand had accidentally bronzed my cheeks so much due to the immediate panic that it was forced to undergo… I had to go looking a tad bit draggy. ๐Ÿ™‚ Things were not good. Especially because THEN The Gods, decided to throw me a period and belly laugh at my struggle. *All swearing is appreciated here.*

Then my Mother *burst* through the door and in approximately 3.5 minutes and after she had completed each and every task for me, put on the baby’s coats, giventhem both treats, found me new work trousers, smiled like life was as simple as a breeze, told me to calm down, decided to do the nursery run for me, swirled around like Mary Poppins and told me to meet her in 10 minutes by the Ackworth garden centre, so she could show me the best route to travel to my meeting on…the entire room turned to harmony and in moments.

I went from complete and utter Asian madness…

To this..

*Hair flick/Fluffy/Calm*

 

*White Smile*

There I was, like a moronic idiot of serene glamour. Posing and pouting, like life couldn’t BE any easier, even if I tried! ๐Ÿ™‚ I even had bucket loads ofย ‘look at me’ time, as I posted them on every inch of my social media channels, as soon as ultimately possible. ๐Ÿ™‚ #donthate

That’s how great my Mum is. She comes in and gets things sorted, when she knows i’m maybe in danger of losing my mind. ๐Ÿ™‚ I was going through a comedically jolly hard time, the night before, due to all sorts that decided to concern my ‘heart matters’ emotionally.’ I just couldn’t think straight and when wine didn’t even fix it, I just sat back and laughed it off..BEHIND TEARS! ๐Ÿ™‚ I will however say that Mums officially KNOW EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING! ย That night, I had no idea how my mum managed to come up with the exact correct theory of a situation that had occured. But she did. She’s a ninja. She didn’t even say it like she was guessing. She blurted it out confidently with panache. She definitely has spies.

The next morning was just far too insane for me to enjoy. So, that’s why I made it all harder for myself by *whacking* the button of *Panic.*Humans are odd? Aren’t wee? Things in life are always simple and merry. Yet at time andbecause we’re grumpy we chose to complicate them for no real reason. The simplier you keep your life, the easier it is and the happier you are. My life right now, is about stability, money making, family and ‘ooh laa.’

Bottom line, without telling you anything. I got to the meeting. Got lost. Got found. Meeting (which was in the most amazing building EVER,) went well. I LOVED it. Yet please do remember that I was so completely filled with the flu, that in my eyes, I could’ve performed 50% better. I came out half disappointed in myself because when I do things, I always want to do them with absolutely fabulousity. I had SNOT falling out my nose and had to talk in a MAN voice the entire way through it. Ornage had come off parts of my nose where Ihad placed the tissue to blow it! ๐Ÿ™‚

In fact, at one point, my own throat decided to *CROAK* out of nowhere and completely without my permission, making it sound like I had literally JUST BURPED. WTF! What is my life! Pahahaha!

Anyway, I had a wonderful time and well it now seems that I didn’t do too badly at all, as yesterday’s news, followed up by more ace news this morning has turned into GREATNESS. I actually did really WELL! Yay! I love that feeling! So, all’s good. I’m a money making machine. I’m wiggling. I’m winking. I’m going back in next week… with a strut!

The funny thing about it all was that, as soon as I had left the building, driven home, made frantic phone calls, whilst sat in the car outside my house talked a little, cried a lot..(it’s normal for me, don’t fret) lip glossed a little and then got happy…really really happy. (It was the best three hours ever and the kinda three hours that make you feel safe again. Emotionally safe. The moment where all the madness stops and you can breathe out with a smile and feel positive again.) But yeah…I suddenly realized that I was cured and I had no more FLU LEFT! YIPPPEEEE!

TYPICAL! I went to a massive meeting. Croaked through it like I was burping. Struggled through it with my ‘half charm’ (even though I did know what I was talking about.) That’s always the case. I hate knowing stuff, yet not being able to deliver it effectively. Then as soon as I’m back no longer ย needed to sound feminine anymore…my flu goes and I get my voice back. My snotty nose even dried up!

Thank you, Gods!

Whatever!

However, it didn’t matter because it seems I was magnificent anyway, even with a dollop of the ‘fluey, fluey man voice.’ Yeah baby! #beme ๐Ÿ™‚

Yesterday was a great day. Everything slipped right back to normal and I got excited about life again.

The children were fine. Ruby did these for me at nursery ๐Ÿ™‚

Watch…

out…

 

Picasso! ๐Ÿ™‚ (I’ve deliberately put them up simply because she HAS actually this time created artwork by herself for Me. Ruby however has a usual habit of pointing at a work of art, it can literally be anything…like a Faberge Egg, a genuine painting by Degas, or just a book with printed ducks on it..and she’ll look me in the eye and say, ‘Hey Mummy. I’ve made this for you.’ ๐Ÿ™‚ Adorable!)

Anyway, whilst Ruby was being a talent. Junior did this, for most of the rest of the evening and that was after heavy bouts of extreme GIGGLING. He’s literally nutty and I adore him for it! He’s like a little laughing Buddha…but with a dummy. Gosh, I’ve only just remembered that I have the words, ‘Itty Bitty Burmese Buddha’ tattooed upon my lower left back. It’s only tiny. Can’t believe I forgot that. Sucky thing about lower back tattoos, innit!

 

The fruits of my loins. Amazing children. I want two more. But not yet. Don’t get worried. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Mama needs to make some dough first, at the same time as enjoying the children as little bambinos whilst they still are little bambinos and celebrating the fact that I can actually strut now without having to perform a half waddle. #yeehaa

Life is really great right now and i’m no longer stuffing the square peg through the circle. I feel delicious. I feel loved. I feel successful and I’m looking alrighty! ๐Ÿ™‚ The good thing about being a busy girl is that when you’re busy, you have less time to ponder the drama and absorb the stress. The busier you are, provided that it’s good busy, the more successful you will become and well the strength of your happiness, with the balance of a jolly whole heart will determine how far up that ladder, you actually go.

Good things happen to good people.

Be thankful for your lucky stars!

I feel like i’m going to be a success and the good thing to feeling that way is simply because that’s how it usually happens. My advice to anyone in business, any business…is to feel happy, feel loved, work harder than 100%, be really great at what you do, be determined, and again really great at what you do…but pick ONE THING and go for it.

I see so many people dipping and dabbling in so many things that they believe they can be or do. And chances are they could. However, if one wishes to be a GIANT success, In my mind…(and this is from watching the people who I know have been mighty Hollywood and British successes) you have to PICK ONE THING that you’re great at and work your balls off to be a master at it. It can be anything, any industry. But one thing!

A ‘Jack of All Trades/Master of none’ is soooo 2003. ย Plus, it forces you to only give 30% here to something, 20% there to another…10% on the thing that isn’t going as well as you like..and 40% is wasted on dreaming. I fell that I can tell a person who will end up being successful immediately. People always think that you never know what can happen. Yet the people who have been a success have always known what they’re doing. Don’t get it twisted. There was a plan.

Pick one thing…Go for it!

My advice!

 

 

Angels, Devils & a bloody snotty nose

 

Jeepers! How annoying!

So…tomorrow, I have a MASSIVE meeting that I have actually been given the honour to be at by 10.30am. I can’t even stress the BIGNESS of it to you, as I have a sense of panic, meaning it must mean something to me. It’s not a normal Wunna *shrug off,* it’s a moment where I at least have to try and be somewhat impressive AND I WILL, snotty nose or not!

I’m certainly going because I’m not one to slam the door on opportunity, as I’ve always believed that ‘winners at life’ find the positive in everything, make everything work and seize all opportunity with a Hero chest and ‘losers at life‘ just sulk in dark corners, think everything’s broken and wave the ‘can’t be arsed‘ flag..in wrinkles.

However, OF COURSE, I get given ย this opportunity and at the same time get given a jolly ’bout of THE FLU!! For crying out, Mother Mary, LOUD!!!! Who are my actual Guardian Angels? Really now..because they are seriously starting to piss me off and make me look like a twit at all costs.I’m firing my Angels and hiring Devils. ย You can’t lob me an opportunity and then fly me the flu so I have to struggle my way through *pizzazz* with a panic.I’m Chrissie Wunna. I don’t derserve this! I deserve riches and merriment and love and ย to be able to go to the bank, just like Scott Disick and pull out $100 bills, simply so I can place them on my toilet roll holder and pretend to wipe my bum on them for pictures and Twitter excitement. ๐Ÿ™‚ I can’t help but be humoured by him. What a superb choice in wife!

 

‘I don’t know how YOU’RE going back to The States, but i’m going back a LORD.’ย #SD ๐Ÿ™‚

But anyway, back to Me. I can do fabulous! I can do pizazz! BUT I can’t do it as outstandingly with the flu. No-one can!! And the worst thing is that you can’t go in there with a ‘Hi, I have the flu’ as that’s no way to begin positive conversation. You can start a convo with a ‘Hey, I have an infection.‘ Even I’M not charming enough to wiggle out of that predicament. So, I have to wing it and hope for the best. UGH! I’d give anything to just be well! *Cough-Splutter-Cough-Puke*

I’ve got to be there at 10.30am and present my piece…with a snotty nose, stingy eyes, achy body, sore throat and a MAN VOICE. The man voice is the worst thing, as they’ll think that it’s my actual voice, which I will find quite disturbing, as my vanity won’t have it. I’ll have about an hour to impress them and after croaking my way through it, I’m hoping their answer will be ‘OH GOSH, YES.’

This will either go really well or really badly. Therefore, I need your good vibes’ to make sure I don’t roll in and bollocks it all up. I was meant to go to my thyroid scan tomorrow, but again it’s going to have to get rescheduled. Ah well…never mind about curing the giant lump growing out of my neck. ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway, that’s all for now.

I’m off to get ready for a nursery run. Ruby’s going to Pete’s for a few (hours not pints :), ) so i’m going to pick up my baby boy and giggle with him for ages.

I have a calendar shoot almost booked and a website shoot to be penned in.

I NEED to be better by tonight.

What do I even do? They’re not even gonna think i’m ill because I have this shit habit of wearing too much bronzer which makes me look really well and healthy.

Damn You Estee Lauder!

I definitely need wine.