Morning all! I had no idea what day we were on, yet now that i know it’s Friday things are a little brighter. *Sips coffee-Had no sleep.*
Last night was stressy, with occasional moments of ‘wonderful.’ I’d be in the living room juggling life and the children, then I’d get a visit from a friend (who are all ‘hero’s’ right now, as those moments make a difference, whilst i’m on my own) and then life would be okay for a while.
Kelly came over yesterday evening for ‘baby cuddles’ and well Kels is just a really great mum. She’s one of those women that you label ‘a natural’ at it. I’m obviously not what they call ‘a natural.’ I’m a glittery mess of a mum, who is whole of heart, yet decorated with Mummy ‘L’ plates and instructions. Before she arrived Junior was SCREAMING his mighty head off and well i was running around like a headless chicken after doing a great lunch with my family, followed by receiving a visit from an O.A.P who wanted to buy some golf trolley thingy thing, that Keiran had put on ebay. Lord knows. But it’s weird having O.A.P’s knocking on ya door giving you cash. It seems wrong, like you’re snatching their life savings off them for your husband. But whatever, I didn’t do the snatch, Craig did. I had quite a good chitter chatter with Craig about chicks and dating. He’s quite the love bunny, who maybe pretends that he’s not the hardcore love bunny that he really is. (‘Oh i don’t care about my ex-anymore.’ Yet he’s taking her to dinner and then going to the cinema and is still sleeping with her. Lol. That’s a DATE, dipped in benefits. But i like Craig because we all love a guy who’s a love bunny and he’s a good guy, just another guy looking for love. But a guy who picks life partners on the way they look. Men!) Anyway he was on his way to the date after having to listen to me ask him every question under the sun about his love life. I’m good like that. Nice and nosey. I just enjoy tinkering in the minds of boys, when it comes to matters of the heart. It’s an interest simply because it makes them feel mildy uncomfortable. I don’t do that with girls because I am a girl, so i know how all girls think. He snatched the money and left it in a pretty leafy pile on the kitchen counter.)
But yes, back to Kelly. A natural mum. As soon as she sauntered in Junior was hypnotized by her. He glared at her with delight, all calm and wistful. I think he just loves to be loved by a pretty girl. Kels is all tanned, brunette and Egyptian. Nothing felt better to Junior than to be pressed against her, as she glowed and calmed his every bit of panic. (I’m taking note of all my friends who are good with babies, They think they’re coming around to celebrate the birth of my son with a gift or a card, when i’m really auditioning them for the role of ‘baby sitter.’) The good thing about Kelly is that she just knows everything and she is just one of those super dooper peoples. The first thing she did when she walked in was gift Ruby with a giant, toyish, pinic hamper, so she had a pressie to open and so she wouldn’t think life was all about Junior. How clever was that! See! She knows how to do everything the right way. I think she’s just lived and when you’ve lived and experienced…you know a great deal more than anyone else,when it comes to feelings and reading people, alongside situations. Great to see her again. She made life wonderful.
Then I was lucky enough to have one guest exit and my MUM come back to help me during my hour of need. It seems if you Tweet that you need help, people volunteer to help you and turn up at your doorstep. My mum and dad are truly helpful and they’ve been the perfect parents throughout my life really. It made a bumpy night smooth over with a buttery delight. Junior is still having pooey problems. Ruby on the other hand has been wonderful and slept all by herself like a ‘big girl’ and well even though it’s hard to watch her have to grow up so quickly, with her being my number 1 baby, ( I mean her manner is completely different now, she’s all grown and strong) it’s good for her. Being the eldest child in a family is always the best. I know because I am one. She’s an independent soul and if that’s loved and nurtured appropriately, she’ll go far. My baby girl is growing up far too fast. I need to decorate her in bows and rock her like a baby, in giant flowered headbands again. (Oh my gosh, hearing about the lady ‘Rebecca Shuttleworth’ who killed her own 2 year old son Keanu. She’s been jailed for life and convicted of 4 counts of child cruelty. She’s been labelled a ‘monster’ and they’re debating on ‘This Morning’ whether she is a ‘monster’ or if she just needed help, didn’t have it and went insane. I’m going with ‘insanity’ as no mother would EVER intentionally of SOUND MIND, kill or injure their own child. It’s crazy what goes on, innit! But her boyfriend also got sentenced for biting the arm of the toddler. He was the acting step dad. What is wrong with people? That poor little boy was so severely beaten that he died a lingering death a day later from his injuries. He was bleeding internally and everything. Mother’s are surely meant to protect their children and children can get frustrating, but OMG NOT ENOUGH TO KILL THEM. I get that she had problems and a hard life. Her mother died, her grandmother died…it left her mentally ill…yet that doesn’t justify killing her own son and abusing him. However, I do also think that the health visitors and authorities etc…should’ve been able to spot a problem and help her before it got to such a terrible stage.)
Today, I have DADDY DAY. No, that doesn’t mean I have a strong of young, able, fit Daddies embracing ‘Wunna land’ in their pants this morning. I’m not that lucky. 🙂 Well..I am, but I just can’t be bothered to be. Today my OWN Daddy has come over for the day to hang out. Now, I adore my Dad, he’s a wonderful man, the perfect Daddy and well nothing is better than having him sat on my sofa giggling away at life with me. I feel like a child again, all happy and bubbly. It’s great. We’ve discussed the sexiness of Johnny Depp, followed by the delightful words of Oscar Wilde. I always feel good when I have my daddy around. It’s comforting. He’s like a chipper Asian Santa Claus, with an infectious giggle and a walking stick. I’m loving it. He’s certainly brightening up my day. (Now he’s demanding spaghetti bolognese. 🙂 Cute! )
….2 hours later
Okay, so I’ve had to blog in two parts simply because Mummy-hood got the better of me, as did a quick trip to the grocery store, an updo, the arrival of new my diet shakes, a glass of wine, cooking a giant spag bol, giggling and then evil texting Keiran because he needed to hear a piece of my mind.
Well, now i feel like i’ve told you what’s happened that there’s no need to blog it. My Dad has actually managed to pass out after i cooked him a giant spag bol, that I gifted to him under the title of ‘lunch’ with a red wine. I love my Dad because when I asked him what else he needed from the Co-OP, he said, ‘The Daily Mail and a pack of Haribo please,’ whilst giving me money, that I obviously refused. Awww! How cute.
Junior’s now resting. he can’t resist massages. I’ve been giving them to him to ease him tummy ache. Every time he receives a rub down, ‘level comfort’ gets the better of him and he falls fast asleep. He ever snores. Its adorable. For the first time in ages, instead of using my free ‘baby is asleep’ moment with washing the dishes or organizing the home…i decided to have a wine. Best decision i’ve made today. A decision just for ME and not for someone else.
So today and because I was fed up, I also decided to evil text Keiran. I never call or text him when he’s away. When we talk it’s always because he’s contacted me. The way I see it, if they’re gone, they’re gone. They can re-enter Wunna land when they return. (The home phones ringing.)
Anyway, today I wanted to unload and express how I’d been feeling. I onyl told him what I’d been blogging about…so I said that I had felt that he was always doing what HE WANTED to do, without sacrifice and that I was never able to do whatever I WANTED to do because I had sort of become a slave to my little family. But i was far more eviler than that and it lasted ages. (There’s me saying I hate text arguing yesterday. 🙂 And here I am doing it today.)
I home truthed him about how I had felt and how awful he was to me this time last Summer and how I hadn’t really forgiven him for that and still resented him and how I felt that he had taken a weeks break off parenting, whilst leaving me to deal with it all on my own ,as he takes a break! He doesn’t need a break and because I spent 9 months carrying a child. I NEED A BREAK.
Then I told him how selfish he was and brought up the past and how I had felt about the past.
He text me back each time, yet the final time just telling me that I had to adapt to the changes taking place because I had chosen them because he has adapted to the changes he’s made. ERM..he has ONLY JUST adapted. He moaned for ages and well men aren’t allowed to moan. Moaning is only for women. Men should get on with things like men do. Only chicks can throw a ‘diva’ and it be remotely acceptable.
So, it hasn’t ended well (the discussion that is) because i’ve just ignored him. But i’m annoyed because he said it again, ‘it won’t be long until Junior’s in nursery babe and you can have your life back again and go to work.’ How about the idea of him staying at home and sacrificing his every waking minute while I GO to work. I mean, noooo…he’d never do that. But i’m glad i got some of my mind off my chest and I do only mean some, as I could’ve gone to town on him. I rebrought up the whole situation we had with his friends last year and how he treated me during pregnancy. He’s lucky i’m still with him. I’m at home on my own looking after the baby children, as he chills away for a week. When he gets back he’s doing EVERYTHING because i’m going to make him. Yeah he’s ‘at work’ but his money is his money. It doesn’t go towards me…I have my own money, meaning again, he’s doing another thing just for him.
Then he annoyed me by stating ‘we are…’ and ‘we must’ in his texts to me. I replied stating that right now it’s not ‘WE,’ it’s all ‘Me’ because he’s not here and i’m doing all the parenting on my own. I feel unimpressed by him now and it’s because he’s left me to think. the worst thing any boy can do, is leave me to think. It never serves them well. I think with it being Summer and with him going away again, it has reminded me of last Summer (which was hideous, as he was hideous to me) when he kept working away also. It triggers off very bad memories and memories that he has never ever apologized for because he’s embarrassed by his poor judgement and bad actions and it almost reminds HIM of them. Maybe i’m just arguing with him out of boredom, That sounds more like it, because if he was here helping me, i wouldn’t be groggy or bored.
I need wine,
ps/ Can’t wait for my mum and Ruby to get here. It’s a bit of a family shindig. I need a bigger house.