Bouncy Castles and Pervy Games of Cricket

 

Kissy, kissy my little dew drops of Summer time. It’s not actually sunny right now, so I’m not quite sure why i’m whipping out my wordy bikini bottoms and grilling on my imaginary barbecue of life. I guess it just feels Summery in Wunna land. This was the view from my window yesterday morning, as I was giving Baby Junior his 10am feed..(I’m bottle feeding Junior and simply because he’s the only boy in the entire world who doesn’t like my boobs. I’ve tried force feeding him a nipple and quite simply in the manner of a pitbull, growls at me with anger.)

But yes..the above was yesterday’s window view. (I adore the ‘in the background Ruby and Keiran moment occuring. As a mum..it makes you feel special to know that the man in your life truly loves our little girl and your little girl loves him right back.)

Anyway, the day before at the same time the view was as follows:

 

Same thing..diffrent swagger…and sunnier. Keiran has turned the garden into a handmade gymnasium and well Ruby has turned it into her own little playground. Keiran’s cousin Craig brought his little girl ‘Izzy’ over this morning…and well Izzy accessorized with a BOUNCY CASTLE. #boujibaby. I had children bouncing up and down on this bouncy castle at 10am, Baby Junior trying to eat me, instead of enjoying his bottle, the boys…Keiran and Craig working out on the Olympic Rings…and then Pete coming around to collect Ruby for a day in the swimming pool. Madness! I believe the boys were trying to show what ‘real men’ are made of. All i heard all morning is the fact that they were ‘machines.’ Unfortunately for me, Rubes adores male company..her morning was complete with these two fine gents…one of which is ‘daddy,’ to the point where she was wiggling around shouting, ‘Hey boys…watch me..’ then weirdly doing squat thrusts. I need to take her to get her nails done for something. She’s getting far too boyish. 🙂

The good news is that I’m feeling great. I’m feeling delicious and pretty much recovered. I’ve got a lot going on. There’s the family, the children, the marriage, the fairytale, organizing more auditions, press talks and all at the same time the show THAT I WANT YOU ALL TO WATCH, ‘Sex Toy Stories’ airing this Thursday, on Channel 4!

Keiran and I are really excited to see it, as it marks a highly momentous occasion for us, a moment that everyone else got to see, but we didn’t…which led onto another momentous occasion…which you don’t get to watch, but you know about. 🙂 Y’know, The good thing about being unable to see the moment is the sheer fact that it was because WE WERE the moment. It means life is exciting….and it is. Right now, i couldn’t wish for it to be more wonderful and simply because for the last year and a half it’s been filled with surprises. You never know what’s right around the corner, do you?  I just hope my next corner is filled with magic, dreams come true and maybe a giant lottery win, with a shower of ‘Look at me’ and a gunge pool of stardom. Then’ll be hardcore happy and not ‘happy with a maybe need a vino’ streak. *Giggle-wink*

On the whole, i’m  keeping it sexy, i’m getting back into the swing of things….I’m back to shopping and took both Baby Ruby AND Baby Junior to Doncaster…(the town that birthed the wonder that is ‘Chrissie Wunna 😉 ) for the very first time with Grandma…and let me tell you, i got a rather rude awakening, which simply meant that ‘The Wunna’ WAS back.

ANYTIME, I step out of a car gather the troops, my dignity or my life together in one giant arm scoop and in stilettos, and I hear pervy jeers or shouts from gentlemen who lack a distinct *wink* of ‘ooh laa,’ means ‘Chrissie Wunna’ is back in the game. I say ‘Chrissie Wunna’ because she’s really different to ‘Chrissie Thompson.’ Obviously i’m not a nut job..and I do realize that talking in the 3rd person is idiotic and that they are the same being. Yet that’s just it…i’m both. I’m a home girl mummified, wifey who adores love, loyalt and happiness. I’m gentle and fluffy…yet all at the same time swirled in glitter, with a demon strut and a vixen glare. Oh and tits. 🙂 The boys are a head turning onve more and even though i’m flattered…none of them are actually hot. I feel like they’re the guys who have nothing to lose, so they take a shot at the ‘glamour glamour puss.’ OR they’re pissed.

OOh the good news! My bumps dying down merrily with a finger snap and a swagger strut, hip bump. #guuuurrrl I’m feeling sexy and well when you’re getting hit on in Barnsley, next to wheely bins, whilst you’re sat in a door way with a sign reading ‘AWAY’ above you, by a chubby man who enters the conversation with a ‘Thems a nice pair of…earrings.’ Followed by a growl and a ‘Where’s your boyfriend? Are you from Thailand? I’d like to take you out. Do you want a cider?’ Hmmm?

Again as flattered as I am and i’d hardly say I was that flattered. I have boobies. We know this. They have been working boobs for some time and well i’ve lived to tell the tale of them and walked a good path and a path with them also. Men really have to get over them..and I do mentally and not with anything rudey. Y’know, I think becaus ei’ve started to feel sexy and i’m feeling so happy right now, i’m sending off vibes of ‘ooh laa’ which is pulling the guys in accidentally with a magnet force. It’s a shame really for them because if there was ever a time in my life that I felt in love…it has peed all over and shat on, by how in love I feel RIGHT NOW. Keiran is the only man in this entire world that I was made for, to the point where I can’t even BELIEVE that I found him. Honestly when you imagine, as a young girl or an old girl, your perfect gent, you’re hero…that guy that I imagined…was him! No joke. We’re perfect. I told him last night how much I appreciated him and I grateful I was for him. Men, like women need to hear it don’t they. I’m not going anywhere. Our bubble, our fairytale and our life together is magical.

I smiled at the Barnsley guy who enjoyed talking to my boobies by bins and simply said, ‘I’m here watching my husband….’ I’m a good sport. But I will tell you, with a delicious amount of wit, if you’ve crossed the line. He hadn’t. Plus, he attempted to woo me with cider. At least he tried to be romantic. 🙂

My life is actually super simple now and i love it. I don’t have time to baggage drunk men with an eye for an Asian girl with swagger simply because wherever I go, I am taking care and jollying along with the below (my two beautiful bits of loin fruit) and my VERY DELICIOUS, LOVE WATCHING HIM PLAY SPORT AND PERVING ON HIM DAILY WHEN HE’S SHIRTLESS’ husband.) Swoon. Keiran is SUPER SWOON right now. Plus, he’s trying to get all fit for the Summer…which is a joy to my little squinty…perverted…eyes. We smooched last night a little, like we used to. Like the kinda smooch that leads to sex. I was SO attracted to him that it got my juices flowing. I can tell he’s ready to get his sex life back in order with his wifey..as there have been the odd moment where he’s accidentally *boinged* his willy out on the sofa and in the kitchen for me to see. …jokingly of course…yet all girls know, with boys that love you or fancy you…it’s never really a joke. If I walked up to it and began a series of porny faces, he’d be naked in a second and bending me over the kitchen counter.

I’m excited to get our sex life on track. We haven’t been able to bedroom tango due to pregnancy. In fact, i’ve spent THE WHOLE on my ENTIRE WEDDED LIFE…pregnant! It’s hilarious. But i’m feeling saucy. So when i’m back to normal..which means i’m not leaking from places that you don’t even want to know about….then he’ll get treated to some lovely bedroom fun..and well we BOTH LOVE our time between the sheets.

(Rubes guarding her new baby brother…by noodles in Donny. I have the most gorgeous loin fruit.)

It’s good to almost be back on the map with a swirl of ‘Va Voom.’ I’m not there yet, but nearly. It’s important that ladies who have had babies get their femininity back and feel womanly again. You can lose yourself after the art of labour. But don’t…because if anything, you desrve to feel sexy again and be treated like a Princess. The biggest thing a girl can do in life is GIVE LIFE and RAISE IT. I lvoed shopping in Donny with the kids this Saturday, except with every two steps I took, we were stopped and they were ‘aww’ed’ upon. But that’s cute.

Then a group of overly sexed young boys have started hooting and hollering at me once more. They weren’t even that young, they were sort of mid-20-ish, which to me means you surely should’ve grown up by now. I mean i’m not a prude, i’m up for a laugh, but when i’m with my newborn…there needs to be some kind of decency projected by the male species surely? I must honestly bring out the devil in boys, as groups of willies like to follow me around town centres when i’m with my family…wait until i’m holding Baby Ruby or Baby Junior and then.shout ‘DO YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE IN YA!’ Nice! Raised well. I mean, would you ever…go up to a girl who has obviously JUST had a baby…I mean Junior is only a week old…he’s had only approx 7 days on this earth ball and then think…’Hey she’s hot, i know how to woo her,’ and come out with ‘DO YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE IN YA?’ Major points LOST, male species. Not for being pervy. You can’t help yourself because i’m obviously divine. 😉  But for simply not being clever enough to adapt your manner in order to score a chick. You have one shot at a first impression…that wouldn’t have worked anyway…but they wouldn’t have known that..and all they can come out with is basically…’you have a baby, let me stick my willy in you and give you another.’ GROSS.

Boys in groups are always the worst because their ring leader grows ten feet tall and starts giving it the gobberlicious. I’m schooled in boys, men and everything in between. I’M AN OLD BIRD NOW. If I got that gobby boy on his own, he’d be a soppy mess of ‘love me, love me,’ as i’d be slamming a door in his face, or buzzing him off the stage.  Romance is certainly something young men need to work on in this day and age and not just the art of it, because technically they know how to ‘woo’ a woman. THEY ALL KNOW. It’s the art of being BRAVE ENOUGH to publically exercise the art of romance, without thinking you look like a dickhead, or ‘soft’ infront of your male counter parts.

Sexy isn’t just shouting rudey things out like ‘TITS’ at women, believe it or not. 🙂 Nor is it getting your boobies out and flaunting them everywhere for attention. (Yes, i did that…but i always knew what ‘sexy’ was…it was a job…not an emotionally state of insecurity.)  It’s not always even what you SAY that is sexy. It’s just that ‘something-something,’ the glint in your eye, the ‘ooh’ in your strut, the smile that comes from feeling confident and the confidence that comes from life experience and knowing that you are finally comfortable in your own skin…and LOVED for it. (I actually always loved myself even at my most unlovable. 🙂 )

Anyway enough about that…

I went to watch Keiran play cricket yesterday with Baby Junior. Hot! That’s all I can say. I perved on my husband like the proudest wife of mucky ever. He is SO FIT, when he’s working out, or playing sport. I felt like a WAG yesterday…except I was in Wombwell meaning I was a love budget WAG. I never thought i’d enjoy such a feeling…but  I did and only because my hubs is FIT! He’s kinda one of those ‘good at everything’ men and all I can say is swoon, swoon, swoon. That’s how I was feeling on the inside…and that’s when the Barnsley man came and hit on me by wheely bins. Bad timing. Must be awful when you make a move…not that this guy was making a serious move, he was just having a laugh. But imagine making a big old move on someone and on the inside you have no idea that they’re madly in love with someone else.

Anyway, all was going well. I was perving over Keiran and feeding Baby Junior at the same time. It was sunny, it was warm, with odd bits of FUCKING BITTERLY COLD WIND, that made me have to wrap up every 3 seconds to get out of the force of it. But yes, all going well…then I see him drop to the floor in AGONY and start rolling around, as a crowd of his team mates gather around him.

At first, i’m thinking…that can’t be Keiran. But when I relooked..IT WAS! To be honest, he wasn’t feeling it too much that day. I could tell. He’s turned into a proper family man now. His priorities are bang on track and that’s what ‘daddy-hood’ does to good guys. Mummy hood certainly straightened me out. That’s why i always  say that Ruby saved my soul from a gin swilled future of tragico. Keiran saved my heart and kept my faith in love and myself alive. It only happens to the good people, who have a their hearts in the right places.

Anyway, Keiran came off the cricket field. Is it called a ‘field?’ The sauntered into the changing rooms to see his little Asian wifey and newborn son…with a blue bag of ice to put on his injured knee. It’s badly injured. He’s never ‘man down.’ However yesterday..he was! I could’ve bonked him there and then.

Junior slept through the whole thing:

 

(One week old!!! 🙂 )

I sat through the cricket and loved it. Then I wondered how many other chicks were sat there watching it with milk in their boobs?

Okay, I’ve got a lot to do, a lot to organize and a lot of promo to begin to conquer.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, SON’T FORGET TO WATCH ‘SEX TOY STORIES’ on Channel 4, at 10pm…on THURSDAY! 

I’m going to start plugging it now until I utterly annoy you, so be warned…and well just enjoy it.

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