Three Days

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Bank Holiday ended up being delicious! Odd, by all means, as now I have two random bits of giant, handmade, wooden gym equipment chilling in my back yard by a cream and pink roofed ‘wendy house,’ a small outdoor grill barbecue, a blue slide and carpet samples. My wonderful hubby and his new found cousin Craig decided that they were going to build gym equipment as they begin their mission to get some body swag. They both have good bodies anyway, good enough to flaunt and that’s all that matters. yet good isn’t good enough in Wunna land, as we need glitzy great bodies. They are prepping for their ‘get sexy’ mission…as am I…well after i’ve given birth. In bed last night Keiran said, ‘ive done it all for you. i’ve made pull up bars and equipment to get you back into shape.’ All for me? I couldn’t pull my own body weight up, if there was gold lining the skies, for crying out loud. I enjoy dieting and girlie working out and only when i have to. Ruby had a go on the handmade equipment the weekend (safety first, try it on your children 🙂 ,) as Keiran lifted her up to help her do up and down pull ups and even she said, ‘Daddy, i don’t want to play down-down-up stuff anymore.’ HAHAH.

I’m impressed with Ruby right now because her speech as come on to GREATNESS levels. Not only can she hold an adult conversation flawlessly, but she can initiate one and lead it with a wiggle. Bank Holiday was a dream to her, as she’s quite outdoorsy. Give that girl a deck chair, a bit of sun and a pretty dress with an updo and she is n FIRE. I’m highly impressed and I mean i can’t honestly believe where she gets it all from or how she comes up with all the vocab that she knows. It’s crazy. It’s like she’s an adult in a 2 year olds body. I have a chatty girlio and it really is the BEST!

Okay, so lots of sun, outdoor fun and good clean bank holiday chill time. I was dressed like a redneck or a Britney Spears wannabe, but 9 months pregnant. I did navy booty shorts, and tight boobie vert, with diamonds and a neon flower in my hair, with over the knee socks and beige fur ankle chill boots. 🙂 TRAGICO! Old men perved on me in the parking area, as I was helping the boys carry the light things out of the back of a van and when that happens, you KNOW you looked horrific. * You bedda REDNECKIGNISE!*

A back yard barbecue was enjoyed in the sun, as they did boys stuff and I enjoyed life, firstly just in a preggo deck chair and then with Ruby when she returned from a Meadowhall trip.She played eating grilled sausages, whilst Olympic running in a race that only involved her. She was quite the ‘Keiran clingy’ over the weekend. But we love that because in any girls life, her ‘Daddy’ is one of the most important men she will learn from and she couldn’t have a more loving role model. Keiran looked at me last night and we giggled half naked under the white sheets, in his new bed and she smiled with happiness saying, ‘I’m so happy to have you as my wife. I love you so much.’ I dolly smiled and then we both fell asleep until morn. At around 5am, I got in bed with Rubes and a weird fluffy Disney bird, who kept rolling me out of bed. I’ve become attached to waking up next t her, whilst pregnant, it’s a bad habit, but a habit that I adore, so for now…whatever. 🙂

Loved snuggling my hubby because we haven’t had that time together in AGES and it’s magical when you’re about to bring your first son into the world. Saying that, WHERE THE HELL IS MY FIRST SON?? I now have 3 days until it’s time for the big wiggly-woo and holy shit, he is not making the effort to poke out. Keiran’s been feeding me Thai chillies on everything, with a red wine spritz to bring on the labour. It’s hilarious because he’ll give me a burger and it’ll be smeared in fresh raw chillies, a sausage…it will have chillies on it…a piece of bread…chillies…a drink…chillies. 🙂 He even got so into it, that whilst he enjoyed sunny cider with his cousin in the garden, force feeding me spicy things, from the land of all things Thai, he lost his mind and said, ‘God, GIVE ME MY SON!’ 🙂

I’ve now become a disappointment. Everywhere i go now, everyone’s like ‘oh i thought you would’ve had the baby over the weekend.’ I’ve failed, to the point where i’m truly wondering whether I am actually pregnant and if i’ve just imagined the whole entire thing? Maybe i’ve just eaten all the pies and well obesity has made me miss all my periods, fooling me into thinking i’m pregnant. WHERE IS HER? I’m still not overdue yet and still very terrified. Yet it would be good to bring on the birth, simply because i feel ouchy, under pressure and like I need to meet my son before the midwife gives me a SWEEP AND STRETCH on Friday morning. Argh! I was knackered yesterday. We all went to the garden centre and i couldn’t even do ‘standing on my legs for 5 minutes’, without having to find garden furniture to sit on and pretend I was buying. I must’ve looked dodgy because when I found myself on a deck chair with lemons on, a lovely posh lady, with concern in her eyes came up to me and said, ‘Are you okay? Do you need any help?’ Nice lady. She was there to rescue me incase I gave birth. I smiled and told her I only had 4 days to go and well she told me that it is hard at such at stage, but I was beautiful. Sweet! That’s everyone’s answer to me, right now. ‘Aww…you’re beautiful, don’t worry.’ I very much appreciate it because i feel like a toad and certainly look like a greedy one. But really, when it comes to the old labour I don’t think ‘beauty’ is gonna come into much, nor will it help. But i’m flattered. Lets hope my son falls out of my beautiful ‘whoop-dee’ before Friday. Then you can all crown my vagina and give it an award for looking so good? 🙂 No joy yet. 3 days, until i’m due. Crikey! I’m getting annoyed at myself now. My bump has never been heavier. I need a tan to calm me and people rubbing my feet and fanning me, whilst i sloth around on a sofa. My belly is about to explode, but lets just hope downwards and with a baby on route.

So Rubes did well with Freebies at the weekend. Wherever she went, grannies loved her and kept giving her fruit, presents, chocolate, sweets and cold hard cash and all because she was cute. I want gifts for being cute. Surely she gets that from my gene pool! I got sympathy ‘aww’s’ for being pregnant and well she gets cash. Hmm…?

Actually people are much nicer to me when i’m pregnant, i should do it all the time. I can’t bare penguin waddling everywhere though. Where’s my Playboy glamour gone. I like the baby part of the shindig, but the 3/4 of a year of preggoness is not a waddle in the park. It’s shit.

I’ve been told that the baby’s not ready to come out yet (obviosuly, i do know that bit) and he’s still putting on fat. Fat? How big does he flipping want to be? This is Karma because i’ve always said that I wanted a pet Sumo wrestler. The Gods are like..’There you go chica….take that..bitch.’ UGH! It feels like he’s not coming out so much that I now can’t even imagine it. That’s how bad it’s become.

I got a card from my neighbours the other day, which was lovely and thoughtful because to be honest I haven’t really spoke to them much, only in passing, (y’know what I mean, like when you’re found closing the boot, or grabbing your shopping bags, or child out the back seat.) But they thought about me enough to send over their blessings., via Keiran with a card and a beautiful gift. I was shocked and happy all at the same time because it’s lovely when you get gifts from the unexpected. I’m meeting lots of nice people this month. I like it. It’s blooming my faith in human kind once more. (I’m currently glaring out of my window and all I can see, with Towie in the background is a GIANT, half the size of the house, wooden pull up frame. It looks like a contraption that they used to HANG PEOPLE on back in the day. I’m terrified. But whatever, it’ll probably come in useful.The other wooden frame looks like a giant rectangle, that a mine artist would use for an act. It’s all very queer. Bank Holiday got the better of the boys. I tired to spend part of it sunbathing on a zebra blanket in the garden, but I couldn’t get up without rolling around like a sausage for a good 15 minutes, swearing and shouting at myself for being an invalid. It was far from glamourous. It was atrocious. I had my sunglasses on and my fur ankle boots, trying to sit up the long way round. All you kept hearing was Asian-Yorkshire moans and the odd ‘FOR FUCKS SAKE.’)

But that’s it, i’ve decided that i’m not going to let this bump get the better of me. I’m ‘Chrissie-Glitzy-Wunna,’ I get what I want. I don’t mull around, twiddling my thumbs, sewing and ‘la-dee-daa-ring’ my time away. I’m gonna strap on my bra of danger today and i’m gonna get busy! Today, it’s curries, heavy loaded food, spices, pineapples, squats..the lot. He thinks he’s pulled one over on mummy. I think NOT! The midwife says it’s because i haven’t eaten too much this time around, so he’s a happy little weight. If i ate loads more, he’s heavy up and drop out. Hmm..? He’s due in THREE days. But Friday…is the dreaded have a lady put fingers in your ‘nunny’ day..so I want to kinda skip that part. Maybe, I should treat Keiran to sexytime? He’s actually being completely and utterly wonderful right now, that I can’t even flaw him. I wonder whether he’ll stay like that forever, or if he’ll end up on his own handmade hangman contraption. 🙂

Right now, he is the best version of himself and i love it. I look at him and think how lucky i am. I’m married to this AMAZING MAN. When a girl thinks she’s done well and can’t do much better, gents you have accomplished your love goal and SCORED. Make a girl feel like she’s the Queen of your world and she will love you forever. It works the same way the other way around. Yet even if you do girls, remember that men are visual…so they often wander off to a prettier face who at a gamble they hope will love them the way they want. Be the package…naturally…and you will have the love game down. Keiran currently feels loved, safe and whole. He feels free and the love that he’s searched for all his life, he now has. When men feels that way, they can conquer the world. I can look at him when he chilling or hanging out with Craig and read him like a little boy book. It brings a smile to my face. It’s like he’s my man and my little boy all at the same time. I’m like a little girl and woman all at the same time. Ruby is our world and our new addition we just can’t wait for. Even Rubes woke up this morning and shouted, ‘Mummy, mummy, when am I going to get my baby brother?’ I can’t believe that in a year and a half, we’ve accomplished so much. There should be no reins when it comes to falling in love, no time limit restraints, no fear and no baggage. Keiran adn I have always just felt love and gone with it with one another, without question. I remember on our first date saying, ‘You know what, lets just throw ourselves in at the deep end and see if we sink and swim. There’s no better way to find out if somethings going to work then to do it and go for it head first!’ I guess he found that attracted, that i didn’t fear loving him, that i cared about him enough to commit to him and that i wanted to give it a go 100% stylio…none of this ‘yadda-yadda- we can just be friends who fuck, bully.’ I didn’t sell myself short and when you don’t, a man knows you have respect for yourself, they know YOU know your worth and they know that they have to treat you right, as that’s the foot you’ve put forward. They see girls they want to ‘just bonk,’ or have fun with, very differently to the ones they choose to marry. He did the right think, he ‘put a ring on it’ and then we pursued our relationship fully, as lovers, best friends, life partners, with a new Mummy/Daddy title. It was new to both of us at that time and well since we truly have done so much together, it’s amazing. When you’re about to given birth and your with the man of your dreams, you do look back upon your relationship and your childhood. It brings it all a flooding and it’s magical. (Well only if it’s been good. Otherwise i’m sure it’s shitty. 🙂 )

I think i need a bath now to relax the muscles that need a chill. 🙂 My exercise will be the house cleaning. (Very ‘Cinderella’ of me.) I wanted a tan, but i’m not sure i can be bothered now. Please, please, please send me labour vibes. I need all the help i can get, so i don’t have to shimmie on down with the finger lady on Friday. I’ve just had chillies on Mac & Cheese and now my tummy is churning. Wish me luck! Lets get this show on the rode and get me out of these too tight for me kinckers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 thought on “Three Days

  1. Christina,

    Do you not know? That baby in there is half Burmese! And you keep feeding him spicy Southeast Asian food. He’ll never want to leave that restaurant!

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