What a delicious morning, my little pet poodles of pink-eye. *Wiggle-Wink.* I’n feeling wonderful, in fact no…WUNNAFUL..which is a term I used to delight in when I was completely doused in fabulosity. The term simply suggests that a moment, place, thing or situation surpasses the art of ‘wonderful,’ that it becomes ‘WUNNAFUL.’ 🙂 I likey! Likey!
It’s bizarre because now that i’ve temporarily swept all my love life away, there’s like a glow about me, a *buzz,* a certain ‘ohh laa’ that I forgot I had. I know that pregnancy can suffocate anyone. Yet, if you don’t have the neccessary support around you from those who aren’t willing to put themselves on the ‘second best’ pedestal, than it can make any kitten explode with ‘set me freeeee.’ I text Keiran last night. It wasn’t a nice text, nor was it an evil text, Just a text in response to his vague initiation stating Rubes and I were fine and actually much better without him and that for the time being he should maybe find somewhere else stay. I mean we need a break because i’m thoroughly disappointed with him and well the more he keeps tumbling on into my kitty basket, with his anger and ‘Diva-ness’…without being able to put himself, well in this case 4TH in line. (Rubes, Me, Bump…then him.) Then it’s just not going to work. I need a proper grown up gentleman, who will honour his family. Plus, I learnt from the Millionare Matchmaker yesterday that Men who always put themselves FIRST, before completely doting on their woman, are feminine, no matter how masculine they look on the outside. Why? Well it’s because that’s what women do..we put ourselves first..and we should…because they are meant to look after us, not make us look after them.
Lots of men these days have become pansified, haven’t they? They’re dipped in a ‘Mummy didn’t love me-take care of me-nurse me-do everything for me’ tinge of yucky. I hate a man like that, especially because I’m so dominant. It takes a whole lot of big man to be able to conquer me and impress me…and like I always say…i enjoy to be impressed. I don’t give them a hard time…I want them to impress me…always. It’s sort of a high standard, for someone who looks so…cheap. 🙂 HAHA. (Just having a ‘Flashback’ of Ruby running around the living room last night screaming ‘THE BIG BAD WOLF IS COMING’ in a giddy, yet chipper panic. Wow! How my life has changed. We hadn’t been happier. I think after the forest she needed a whole lot fo attention, love and adoration….plus carrots. She strangely wanted carrots? Since giving her that, she’s felt on top of the world, like a champion. A little insecure at first…but now she’s back to my little giggly bundle of Burmese. We woke up together this morning and she looked at me, kissed me and said, ‘What’s up babe?’ 🙂 It’s like she’s a miniature adult. A baby sized ME…which of course makes me highly fond of her.
Anyway back to men being rubbish. Isn’t weird how when a guy dates a girl with ‘dollar’ and i’ve been in this situation LOTS…they tend to think that they’ve SCORED, like they’ll never have to work a day in their life because they won’t have to pick up the dinner tab, or be the man and provide. WRONG! Girls, are girls. We all want the same in a man, when it comes to basic CHIVALRY. (Like I Tweeted yesterday…GOOGLE IT boys, if you don’t know what that means and if you dont know what that means, don’t knock of my door…in ya oiled up, Speedo bods.) It’s all down to chivalry and when a man doesn’t act upon his basic ‘hero-hero-i’m a knight’ skills and when it comes to dating or being in a relationship, we don’t like them anymore. That comes before riches, good looks and well pretty much EVERYTHING. But yeah, just because a chick has money, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to pick up the tab, pay for things, or romance her. I know lots of richie rich girls…and well they have millions…aka Hilton. If you think she EVER pays for dinner on a date, you’re an idiot boys. I like that. All women be they rich or poor, have to be treated like a Princess. It’s not worth her while to look at a poor boy, let alone a boy who wants her to pay for things. I once knew a boy who tried to date me. I didn’t, because I rightly chose someone else over him. But he also took my chick friend out, who is a great deal poorer, not as well raised and well…you get the picture. HE PAID FOR ALL HER DRINKS AND HER DINNER. When we went to dinner and drinks…he not only didn’t pay for mine, but wanted me to PAY FOR HIS. Why because he knew I had it and it wouldn’t be a strain on my bank balance. HOW RUDE. I never ever spoke to him again. I don’t want to mother a boy. I want a fully, ready made man.,,with manners. He thought he had scored.
I feel as though Keiran has a giant problem sticking up for me, or verbally ‘hero-ing’ for me or Baby Rubes…he’s been like that throughout our entire relationship and out of fear of what people might think of him, in case they don’t like him anymore. That’s a problem to me because as you all know, I’m the exact opposite. I’ll champion my cause or the cause of anyone I care about within a second without a care in the world. But we’ve lived lives. I’ve had one where no matter what i’ve said or done, i’ve had it ripped to pieces, or glorified by the masses all over the world. You learn to hold you’re own and not care what others think. He’s very cautious of people not liking him or seeing him a good light. Even if what has occured in his life is undeserving of being well lit for the masses. Plus the think about him, is the simple fact that he doesn’t know how to actually properly make up with women, when he’s fucked up. He thinks that either being ignorant, non persistent, calling people names, shouting or a random bunch of flowers is the way to do it. WRONG! Understanding what you have done wrong, being warm hearted, apologetic (not just for a day, but forever) and watering your home garden with a bit of love and romance is the way to do it. Men make the giant mistake of doing all of the above ‘WRONG things, or simply giving in because they can’t cope and surrendering to the art of getting pissed, staying out, or avoiding the drama. If they have caused the drama, they need to fix it…if they believe it’s worth it. If not, then that’s fine…deal with the consequences.
I mean, Keiran’s due to have a son in 5 weeks, which will fly by, it can come anytime now…and his time has been given up immediately to having to go away to work. Which I think is fine. It’s work…it’s bringing in money. Not that I’ll see any of it…but work is work. SO the entire REST of his time, when he’s not at work and because no he will be a dad, with a newborn…is to LOOK AFTER HIS SON. I’ll be exhausted. I have 2yr old, my body will have gone through an ordeal and well it’s half HIS RESPONSIBILITY. The time that he has chosen to be his away time and use as work, will make the baby MY responsiblity, which I find perfect and fair. When he gets back, no matter how tired he is, or how much he wants to go out and fun…he can’t…because he wanted a baby and so all the time he’s back…it’s then HIS TURN to look after the child or find childcare..and that’s fair. If he can’t do that, then he can surrender all responsiblities, move out, go be a party boy, excel in sport, do what he wants…and i’ll take care of everything, meaning he’ll no longer be in my life AT ALL.
Crazy innit! Men don’t think. Anyway, i’ve told him to figure out other living arrangements for now. But he’ll return and tell me he has nowhere to go and therefore resfuse to leave.. He has a gzillion brothers, sisters and relatives here AND HIS OWN HOUSE. So, he’s telling me there’s not a room, bed or sofa available for him anywhere? I find that hard to believe. I feel like if there’s not a clean break, then like I mentioned we’ll go back to ‘fairytale’ as it will all be swept under the carpet, which is a bad thing…as it will come up again at some other point, because it hasn’t been dealt with..and that will be worse because we’ll have a new baby. The break isn’t because I don’t love him. I adore him. I always will. Yet more so that we can appreciate each other once more, like we used to. You miss, love and learn to appreciate someone a hell of a lot more when they’re no longer around.. It works both ways and is completely healthy, in my mind.
But anyway, enough of all that, it’s too beautiful outside to be venting. I’m in pyjama bottoms. I’m not in a position to be moaning.
Life is good and i’m lucky. Ruby is loving her ‘mummy time’ she’s never been happier. We’re a good tag team. I have a great deal of support right now. I have good friend who poke out of the woodwork to offer strength when they feel I need it…that’s what good friend so. They’re the ones that champion you on to do well and make the correct decisions. Not the ones that take you out on the razzle to drown your sorrows in tequila. That’s sharing weakness…innit. I’m feeling strong. I have a great ARMY and I love you all for it. A lot of love and encouraging words have been shared. Except from a couple of dodgy ‘not my actual’ soldiers, who have decided to hit on me, in case Keiran and I don’t make it. 🙂 Typical. I’m a PREGGO-HONTAS. In 5 weeks i’m doing the old ‘push-push.’ It’s probably not the best time to be asking me out on a date. Men. I had one aquaintance,(I only know him from entertainment and a telly stint) tell a guy friend of mine this, ‘When she’s fully curbed him, i’m straight in there like a *now marry me* rocket.’ Hmm….? I hardly think it’s going to be that easy mister.
Last night, as I was chillaxing. Ruby conked out one me early..so I delighted in a full on Kardashian night. That’s the BEST thing about having no boy partner. You can utterly indulge in everything girly, that you simply adore.,..without having some bear fumble in and switch everything to ‘Top Gear’..The History Channel or ‘Time Team.’ SNOOZE. UGH! Last night was bliss! I caught up on my ‘Khloe and Larmar.’ 🙂 Yippeee!! I even did it glammed up, well with full on face and eyelashes on, simply because I felt so divine.
Anyhow, after that..and after replying to a few lovely texts from my Wunna Army…whilst Tweeting, I figured…under my chandelier, that I would watch one of my labour aka ‘Birthing’ videos on Youtube, from when I had Ruby in 2011. There was a lot of ‘hoo-haa’ about it at the time. More than anyone thought because they weren’t on the recieving end of it. Yet ITV2 where the ones that pushed everyone to watch it…and to be honest I love them for it. I’m an attention seeker at the best of times. HOWEVER, little did I know…when I clicked onto one of them (they’re are just the home videos, not the actually filmed for telly ones. My mum was working the camera and well they are only seconds long..as she wasn’t good at not panicking and filming. Lol)
SO, I click on one last night. There’s loads, therefore I picked a random one, as it was only 49 seconds long and HOLY HEEBY JEEBIES…i saw that 969,949 people, well, it had been VIEWED 969,949 times had watched that 49 second video of me giving birth! OMG! AND it didn’t even have a money shot on it. I was just fat and pushing. I skim scrolled down them and on some 47 thousand people had taken a look, then 400,000 people had taken a peeky. WHAT? Youtube had actually offered me money to advertise on my videos, because they were getting viewed so much. But at the time, because i was all knackered from just having a baby. The Youtube team were ON IT like fire. Any diddle, what happens is that they give you money per view…only a bit of dollar, but if you’re video gets viewed lots it’s worth it. At the time only a thousand people had taken a look and there was so many videos that I thought i’d not bother, it wasn’t worth a pay check. HOWEVER, i didn’t know that on one video alone over 900 thousand people would’ve watched it. BOLLOCKS!! I could’ve made lots of cashola! Jeepers! Silly me. Therefore, don’t think that I’m not gonna plonk a videos up this time of my second birth…i’ll have my ‘Yes’ email ready for Youtube before hand…in case it gets watched a lot. Saying that, I had the launch of ITV2 plugging it for me when I had Ruby….this time I don’t. Yet i’m sure lots of you, will enjoy to call me a ‘slag” whilst giving birth. Lol (The comments are lovely. 🙂 ) So, it’ll be fun for everyone…and no…no money shot.
Here’s the video link for you…
Keep dreaming, loving and making your dreams come true. I’ve had a bit of a preggo rest, yet I assure you i’ll be back to my kitten self straight after delivery and ready to reconquer the world, because as you know i want my fame and fortune back. I like it too much.
Oh but please do note…I’M NOT IN LABOUR…the above video is from 2011, when I was giving birth to RUBY!!
It’s cringe worthy..but whatever, you have to face your fears and embrace life as is it at times. One more time and in 5 weeks.