I mean, if anyone knows me they know that I would never EVER ever, leave a holiday…let alone a place that I regard a so special to me…well used to….early. It’s not the way I strut, as I appreciate all times of peace, happiness and classy harmony. However, if I do…and I have (around of applause please) then something must have annoyed, hurt or bothered me enough to only manage to stay for a day, before I’ve called and arranged to both leave and get picked up early. I’m a feisty girl, who knows her mind, yet i’m tolerant and I’m kind. I don’t take myself so seriously. I care about a lot of things and often bizarrely wave this moral flag of conduct. Yet if you mess with me, something that I morally believe in, or anyone I whole heartedly care for. In fact, even if I just find you annoying…I’ll find a solution to the problem and immediately remove myself from the drama or negativity…especially if I at ALL feel disrespected.
Keiran managed to do that, with his great Husband skills. 🙂 He’s sort of a loving husband when he wants to be, yet likes to Peacock strut and make it seem like he’s quite the ‘Master’…in front of people, or even if I’ve given him the power to ponce it around for it. He gets a bit too big for his boots…and then I remind him of his peg place. BOOYAH! I mean, I do everything pleasantly. Yet it takes me to tell him off, or explaining a situation to him over and over again, until he actually absorbs it, understands it and then surrenders to it with an apology.
Now, there’s lots of reason’s why I left, in fact far too many for me to ramble on about…The main one was just simply because i needed peace. I’m 8 months pregnant and I guess Hubbilicious doesn’t get how it feels, or how to treat an 8 month preggo wife. So, I left…and with my darling fruit of my loins and we sauntered off early…after I tossed off my ring and Baby Ruby enjoyed a long relaxing dip in the hot tub. He’s upset that I left. I know that. He claims that it doesn’t look good. Yet, I glared at him with a puzzled face and said, ‘Whocares about what it flipping LOOKS LIKE. This IS REAL LIFE, not a staged show that people watch in on.’ (You don’t perform for people…unless you’re getting paid to. 🙂 ) I had had enough of him and everything he managed to say to me behind closed doors that I just went with ‘fuck it’ and left him to it. Now I can enjoy my free time away from him and he can enjoy his holiday the way he wants to. We’re both happy. Well…he’s probably not. But the good thing about him, is that he’ll pretend that he is..I on the other hand literally feel great now that i’ve left. I fee free and refreshed and calm and relaxed. It’s weird?
I feel like he turned a place of harmony into a place that I now couldn’t bare to be with, with him. I used to CRY when I left that place. Now, I leave with a strut and a ring toss and the times that i cried were secret and when I was on my own out of sadness.
The good thing is that Baby Ruby has had a good time and a bad time all in one. But on the whole she’s happy. The fun isn’t over. Even though i’ve left and done the right thing, I’m keeping her holiday going by continuing with luxury hotel nights and spa swimming pools. Her favourite. We had a great moment today when it was just her and I, where she just looked at me like I was her ‘hero’ and gave me a kiss. It was like she felt like she was 10ft tall.
When she left, Keiran tried to lovingly brainwash her into making her say that she didn’t want to leave. Lol. Yet as soon as she got in the car, she giggled with delight and was excited about her next destination. She loves the forest, yet she loes anywhere you take her that’s filled with excitement. She’s from my gene pool. I GET HER. You just can’t mould a kid that’s so adored into your mindset. Plus…that’s weird…and weirdo’s smell?
The Hubs will either say nothing to everyone and pretend that all is well, or just make up boy stuff to make him sound ‘not so bad’ and that i’m just preggo hormonal. Keiran is not one to ever admit his faults. Hence why I’ve had enough of him. He doesn’t know how to deal with me. Like when he was upset at me leaving. Instead of saying that he was upset at me leaving, which would be the brave, simple, adult thing to do. He just lashed out angrily in a boystrop spouting this, spouting that…and well when you tell your 8 month pregnant wife to carry her OWN luggage and her 2 year old baby, with a delicious dollops of ‘fucking this, fucking that’ alongside it, after she asked for your help…you know you need lessons in being a decency. Lol. I mean for crying out loud, who taught you to be a man. Or do you JUST wait until someone is your pregnant wife to treat her in such a manner. It was at that point, where he could’ve saved everything, but instead made me lose any respect that I had for him. It’s an awful moment for a girl of my sort, when that happens, because i’m a girl who likes to be impressed by a gentleman. It shows me immaturity, poor manners, no sense of heart, no class, and in fact poor parenting. I’ve noticed that he good at ‘the show’ of things. Yet can’t keep the constant real life decency UP. He’s like a child and girls need grown men to look after them, be they young OR old.
What made it worse was that I asked for his help with the bags. He said ‘no’ and added a ‘fucking.’ Said a few awful things about my mum, (as she was the one coming to pick me up. I have a good mum. I’m HER baby Ruby.) THEN when he realized that it was all actually really happening, that I was actually leaving and that my Mum WAS ACTUALLY outside, he sheepishly said, (under his breath) as my mum pulled in…’here give me one of those bags.’ JUST so he didn’t look bad in front of my mum. I laughed at him and said, ‘Don’t try and look good now, after saying what you said.’ She knew all about it anyway. She’s my mother. She can see through anything. Both of us in fact.
But i’m really happy and that’s the main thing. Ruby is happy also. I sort noticed a lot more about him this holiday around. He’s actually not that loving and kind. He’s a showman. OR he’s secretly loving and kind and DAREN’T show it. Either way….I don’t like it. I had had enough..so I left. He’s different to me and he’s different to me behind closed doors. The ‘show’ of it all is delicious. Now Ruby adores him and he’s very good with her. YET, this time around I noticed and i’ve noticed this over the last few weeks, he’s ONLY GOOD WITH HER, when he wants to be. He picks her up and drops her down whenever he wants. She has hung out with i him in the last two weeks really, because he’s paid no attention to her deliberately. So during this holiday he’s been very ‘daddy-daddy,’ making her obsessed because he’s decided to pay her some attention. It’s sort of like, he likes to be ‘Daddy’ yet with only ‘Step Dad’ duties. He’s the one that hates the ‘STEP’ in his Daddy title…not me. Yet he doesn’t quite get what it’s like to be a full time parent…but he will..in 5 weeks..and he’ll regret being a disrespectful or even disloyal to me.
I mean my friends are just like, has he not learnt to not mess with a fully preggo Wunna and a Baby Sized Wunna yet? Lol. My other friend call him a ‘Hero’ for making me carry my own luggage. I’m 8 months pregnant! Lol. How selfishly disgusting and he wonders why i don’t want to near him right now. He’s made me think that we’re not compatible. He’s not apologetic or being lovely. He’s being dickish. So now, i’m feeling like I deserve more of a husband and more of a father figure for my bambinos. Better.
He made me a sign in the woods yesterday reading, ‘I LOVE YOU,’ out of giant Jenga. BUT, giant Jenga love and flowers are only good, if you can keep up being romantic ALL THE TIME…not when it suits you. Romance and love cost nothing. If a man can’t keep it up…and turns a flip switch, then he’s not really of that nature, he’s just pretending to be.
(I’m looking very preggo.)
I’m not wearing my ring. I’m calm, happy and recouping. I’m looking after baby Rubes. I’m continuing my holiday AWAY from the forest and i’m not taking ANY of Keiran’s rubbish boy shite.
I’m nesting. I need calm before my baby storm. I have 5 more weeks and if staying away from him is making me feel relaxed and happy for a while then that’s what will happy. I need a break from him. He can say whatever he wants to me, at me, or about me. How I feel…MATTERS TO ME and that’s what I will act upon. I’ve told him that I need a break from him. I’ve told him that I need space and that I need for us to not be together. He’s upset me and i’ve had enough. If this is how he treats his 8 month pregnant wife, then it’s certainly a ‘turn off.’ Lol. It really doesn’t get ya loins burning. (Ooh hang on…my Gay Adam is texting me, asking me if I think he’s a ‘good person.’)
PLUS, I must be actually a great deal madder at him than I ever thought, as I would never ever have left a holiday early, so do I no longer actually care, or has he just annoyed me so much that i’ve had enough and standing MY ground. The good thing is that I have good friends and a Wunna Army to cheer lead me on. Dangerous combination…..but very handy.
Much needed vent over.
He always gets mad when I openly vent. YET…in life, people who feel verbally suffocated, need to be able to express and vent in order to find their peace. Never lower your standards in order to ‘keep’ someone, or keep someone happy. I did a ring toss and it felt liberating. Why? Because I did it privately to myself…and not for people to see. It felt old school ‘Destiny’s Child’ liberating. 🙂 Girl power and all that! (I wish he wasn’t coming back for a few more days yet. I need time to myself. Men never want to give me that ‘time to myself,’ in case during that time, I gallop off without them to do life MY WAY.) Ugh! He’s gone too far this time.
These last few weeks of pregnancy are not easy for a chica and it’s something he just doesn’t get. EVERYONE GETS IT…but him. Typical.