Preggo Porn and Shopping Trips

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Happy Sunday evening, you yummy bits of kitten delight.

I’m on holiday tomorrow for 4 days, so completely enjoying the moments of chillax that I have before we set off tomorrow. We’re back to the forest for a much needed time out. It seems as though even when Wunna Land is quite calm and chilled, it’s still somewhat busy, with a a dramatic air. I don’t know how this happens…so i simply tip my hat and surrender to the art of life. (I’m currently in my living room, with Karate Kid on in the background, with the stench of smelly feet swirling around my ‘ooh laa.’ πŸ™ )

The weekend, has pretty much been the weekend. Ruby had the flu. Keiran played his first team game of cricket. He looked the part, yet Lord knows if he played well? As far as I know, he went to one practice and got put on the team. I love a man in cricket whites…and I also love the comedy box they have to wear over their googlies for protection. Keiran has to wear his around the house to protect them FROM ME. The other day, he sauntered into the living room, in nothing but his pants and sprawled out on the sofa with his arms behind his head. He does it on purpose and only when i’m glammed up. We must still try to make the other one fancy us subconsciously. Yet we’re not mature enough to use our personalities as of yet :), therefore we stick to our strengths of ‘sex appeal.’ We try to ‘out sex’ the other, yet FOR the other…which is an odd concept. Then when one of us tries it on, the other one shouts and starts being frigid, with a playful ‘How dare you touch me. Don’t! Get off! I used the words ‘Preggo’ and ‘Porn’ in the same sentence yesterday, as I was mulling around in my tanned belly, preggo bra and tartan shorts. His eyes glazed over with a joyful, cartoony delight…then his decent side prevented him from having a good old perv. Instead he cleverly called me ‘beautiful’ and got on with his work. I…on the othe rhand, grabbed his goolies through his grey boxers and squidged them to laughter. It was more comedic than sexual. He squirmed away like a prissy little nun virgin…all giggles and smiles..whilst pissing himself. (With laughter…not actual wee. ‘m not in Hollywood anymore where I get accidentally ‘Golden showered’ on. Have you read ‘Diaries of a Glamour Puss.’ You should. Buy it.)

Anyway, I explained to him that he couldn’t expect to flounce around in his pants and not have me squeeze his goolies. He married ‘Chrissie Wunna’ not Β ‘Decent Daisy.’ He just laughs when I play ‘sexy’ and simply because it’s so out of character. Believe it or not, I spend or have spent most of my life running away from overly sexed men, than chasing them. That’s where some girls have it wrong. Don’t chase it. Just look good…and it comes. Even if you don’t want it too.

I’m feeling very ‘kitten’ at the moment. I went to Meadowhall today and shopped for last minute ‘holiday in the forest’ needs, which if you’re ME, means eyelash glue, tanning spray, kiddie swimming nappies and frilly knickers. I then bought a flower arrangement for my friend, who’s birthday it is on the Tuesday when I’m away. I need to refrain from purchasing flower arrangements in the future, because simply because I always seem to be pregnant and holding one….no matter where I flipping am! I’m either carrying one, or perching one on my knee and I don’t even have a Miss.World title, or tiara.

I’m not really too exhausted because my bump has dropped, meaning no back ache for me…and well also a soon to be birth. My friend had a curry the other night and went into labour. I think, i’m more immune to the ‘spicy food’ theory. I’m ethnic, I can dip a dog in vindaloo and think it tastes like a cuppa PG Tips. He’ll come when he’s ready and he’s not due for another month yet. I’m actually excited. Β Yes for the baby..and yes for the fact that I’ll have my waistline back…well if I haven’t lost it forever…somewhere with my dignity. (Getting a flashback of Keiran getting grumpy with me for stating that he was shoving socks down his pants this morning. πŸ™‚ )

So, yeah, Meadowhall was great. I actually took a secret detour and had a peek at something I’ve achieved. It was an amazing moment and a moment that I can’t tell you about. But stood back with a smile of my face, like I was ‘cool like Fonzi’ and gave myself a big old giant pat on the sexy back. I’m ace. I’ve decided.

Rubes did Toys R Us yesterday with me. It lbegan great and she couldn’t bof been any happier. Then my Dad decided to terrify her by chasing her around with giant plastic claw clippers. She wept the entire rest of the time, until we told her that we might buy her a car. Men just need to learn that girls…be 2 years old, 32 years old, or 62 years old, just don’t like getting teased, chased, picked up, made to jump, to feel fear, splashed in the face….and well basically annoyed. They just never seem to learn the concept of it, do they? They thing it will make us smile?

Diamonds…makes us smile. LEARN IT!

Anyway i’m gonna go now and check in, in the morning. I need my chill tiem before the big old holiday.

Love you mucho.

I had my lips done at MAC today. Just lipsticked and lined…not pumped, poked or pricked. I don’t need to do that. My lips are giant. I loved them ans simply because the artists kept gathering around me telling me that I was so glamourous for a pregnant girl and rubbing my belly. I really am Buddha…but with a bouji fan club. It in that moment that I decided ym life should be that way all the time. Where I’m plonked in a glitzy chair…well lit by mirrors, with a crowd of people primping my lips and rubbing me, telling me i’m gorgeous…even when i’m fat. πŸ™‚ I lips started off nude and glossy and ended up like porn star plumpies. They were hilarious. I loved them. Keiran didn’t like them one bit. I don’t get why, but they certainly they terrified him. He wants me to be a glitzy, natural beauty and not adopt a ‘pornified’ look..and simply so the wrong attention doesn’t find me. I guess?

I’m in the forest tomorrow!

Thank the good lord.

Kisses, winks and wiggles,

Wunna x

 

 

 

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