Gosh! I had a bit of a dodgy day yesterday. I think i’m bored of being slumped around due to pregnancy and want to feel young, sexy, delicious and fabulous again. Now, as you know…i’m a girl that needs to remain interested in things, as I have a disturbingly short concentration span and an exceedingly big mouth that will tell you how bored I am of you, a situation or a thing. Even if you bring in the ‘Dancing boys’ my excitement for them will only last a moment, before i’m looking over their shoulders for the next surprise. Probably why i’ve been through a couple marriages and 20 other serious relationships, not to mention the flings. My baby, my family, my blog and my Keiran are the only things that i’ve been disciplined enough to hold on to in life. I like to look at the positive and I’m glad that I’ve adjusted my character now. I’m far less impulsive now i’m an oldie and it’s much much more sexier.
I’m currently finding that pregnancy…although lovely….takes too long. I don’t feel frumpy. I don’t even feel unfit. I just feel bored of it now. My life has been about a *wink* and then an action. I’ve winked…yet i’m still here, rocking my bump…months and months and months and months..and months later. It’s quite a difficult thing to go through, especially when there’s no gin allowed. At least i’m still wearing heels. I mean anything that takes away your daily heel wearing abilities should be banned. It’s important for preggos to still feel feminine. To me that means ‘heels.’ Yet to you that could mean anything. However, at least I still have Ruby’s never ending chocolate caterpillar birthday cake to keep me company. I completely underestimated how yummy that bit of choccie birthday bug would be! It’d be alright if I saw myself as a woman who wants to nest at home all day, doing nothing but having 12 children at a time, collecting benefits. But I don’t. I’m not made that way. I’m far more glitzy, determined and well….better than that. I learnt from my Mama that when it comes to kids, it’s quality not quantity. Roll on May 31st! I’m birthing a Baby Boy!
Okay, so if you didn’t know Keiran…(The Hubs) bought me flowers the other day. He did it because he loved me and because I had been rambling on about how i didn’t quite feel as delicious as usual. He told me he was going to play golf…(well go to the driving range to whack a few more balls) and tried to disappear. Now, trying to disappear doesn’t work on me and I knew he was hiding something, so i kicked off and demanded to go, simply to make him feel uneasy. It worked as he fumbled the rest of his lie and had to fess up. (‘Chrissie, i’m actually really going to do something nice for you, so if you come I won’t be able to.’)
Anyway, long story short…he went on his ‘Houdini’ travels, as I stayed at home to get some more work done and he returned with flowers in his hand and a beautiful hand crafted ‘Just for you’ card, that had ribbons and diamantes upon it. Inside he wrote about how much he loved me and that my beauty grows and grows…and how happy he was to have me as his wife. It really made my day and mainly because I felt worshipped. If you worship woman, she will always adore you.
So, anyhow…I then did what any ‘Wunna’ would do after receiving such a display of adoration and well Tweet it, followed by a Facebook picture upload. 🙂 I’m quite boasty at the best of times and it’s a habit that I learnt in Hollywood, where humility is completely over rated. Lots of people liked the gesture. Lots of people didn’t. Lots of people felt happy for me. Lots of people laughed. But it stirred emotion and that’s what I love about a quick Tweet or a Facebook upload.
However, there I was swept in a midst of romance, when i read a Tweet stating that boys really do only buy flowers for girls when they’ve actually DONE something wrong, or about TO DO something wrong. So, now there’s two ways I can look at it. He did it because he loved me and wanted me to feel special and adored. OR he did it because he knew that for the next two following nights he was going to be out drinking and watching the Rugby, so wanted to butter me up, so i didn’t have a go at him. When he was out of control last year, he would always never tell me he intended on going out with ‘the boys’ until the last minute and was exceedingly nice to me for about two days before he knew he was going to be an idiot. There’s always two ways to look at a situation and well i actually think it’s both. He’s clever enough to buy me flowers to show me that he loves me and doesn’t want me to feel unloved. Yet at the same time knows what he is about to do, if he id about to do something that he believes I might not like. Smart. Yet it takes a lot more that than to butter me up. I’m utterly adore’ for no other reason but love’ flowers and treasure them with all my heart. Yet buttering me up gifts need to be waaaaaay more expensive and last a hell of a lot longer. 🙂
On the whole, i’m positive enough to love my card and flowers and take it with grace and a ‘Thank you.’ It’s sweet and i’m lucky to have a husband that can and will find romance in his heart. It fills me with joy and makes me believe i’m appreciated. I see it as glorious. I really do. Things like that seem to matter to me and I enjoy that he goes out of his way to do them.
To any girl with a different story…you really will find your ‘flower purchasing’ Prince. It’s lovely to receive little gestures of love and well every girl deserves such treatment. We’ve had Fairy tales embedded into us at a young age, so it’s nice to be 32 and still be able to live them out. However please do remember that there are ‘no reason other than love‘ flowers and ‘buttering up’ flowers…they both mean very different things. (I might be a hopeless romantic, but i’m completely far from stupid.)
I remember when I was in LA and sat behind a computer with good pal DK. (Before i nearly burnt down his appartment.) At that point in my life men were simply falling at my feet and I had no idea why? I was sick of champagne and lobster dinners..as it seemed to be occuring almost every single night, by gents hoping to make the title of ‘Mr.Wunna’ and well I had flowers sent to me galore…almost every other day…constantly…it was like a revolving door of Interflora magic. One guy was sweet and gave me flowers because he loved me, however i remember another guy who excessively purchased me grand bouquets of apparent love…and lots of them. When I say LOTS…i mean truck loads. HOWEVER, (and I do go back to this) he had also forgotten to tell me that he actually so happened to have a WIFE and a baby SON. Plus, on the occasions that he lied to me and decided to tell me that he was late, due to him napping? (Not a very creative liar. Lol) He was actually driving all the way to see to his wife and son. The weird thing is, he actually cared for me in his own sick, twisted way of fuck uppidiness. Yet had opened our relationship up on a lie that he held for so long, that he managed to get his poor self tangled up in it. He wanted me to find out eventually and hoped that when I did, I would forgive him. It didn’t quite work like that. I never really asked him anything. I just politely listened (as it’s hard enough already and I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed)…then left him. He was a good guy in the sense that he was ultimately giving. Yet he bought me so much (and all of it out of guilt) that he actually ended up BROKE. I had no idea whatsoever, until his wife found me..which isn’t that hard a task and asked me if I had been seeing her husband. #ouchy I didn’t leave him because he lied, or because he was broke. I left him because he was stupid and well stupidity is something I do not find attractive. I mean be you a guilt purchaser, a poor decision maker or the apparent drug upped, ‘life and soul’ of the party…attempting to entertain a room full of people by showing off and pretending you’re not lost. I’ll find your behaviour stupid, or broken and therefore not find it yummy. Simples. 🙂
That boy must have bought me EVERYTHING and simply because he was always in a constant state of guilt. So all i’m saying is that you have to be clever enough to decide what the flowers mean? Is it down to pure romance or are they agenda driven ‘fleurs?’ Different men. Different circumstances.
Okay, so back to yesterday. I was knackered for almost all of the day and in one of those ‘can’t be bothered’ moods. I was in a mood where I couldn’t bare being moaned at. (I hate moany people because they become nags without them knowing and I see naggy people as unnecessary baggage. I think the idea is to refrain from moaning to get what you want, as i’m more stubborn, than I am of of a ‘give in’ nature, meaning it makes me rebel and do the opposite. Plus, it’s bad manners to moan to improve something in your life via someone else. It sort of shows a lack of respect. People can move at their own pace…especially when it comes to spending their own money, or making decisions as to what they wish to do with their free time, right? I might have a moan here and that, as in a ‘ooh i didn’t win the lottery this week’ or a ‘ouch my back hurts, pregnancy is disturbing.’ Yet i NEVER moan FOR THINGS and I don’t do that because i simply find it rude. I went to posh school….manners matter and go a long long way with me. 🙂 )
Last night was delicious because i’m getting to spend lovely lovely nights with my gorgeous and very chatty Baby Ruby, cuddling and watching old Tom and Jerry cartoons. It’s a love moment that we both enjoy and a moment that I simply couldn’t exchange for all the money in the world. The thing about Rubes and I is that we understand each other and we have a connection…so no matter what in life, i am ALWAYS her Mummy and will always be there for her. Every night before she goes to sleep, she giggles, strokes my face, as I unwind her curly hair and says, ‘I love you Mummy.’ When your baby does that…you’re doing a really great job! No-one can actually believe how chatty she is for her age, which i’m quite liking as it means i get to be boasty again. But you can seriously have an adult conversation with her and she will respond…like an adult, but in miniature form. It’s amazing. 🙂 However, she has her mother’s poor tact. Last night my cousin Jess and her boyfriend Richard came over. They don’t come over often as they have just had a baby themselves…Baby Holly and in Decemeber, meaning their lives are all jammed up. Ruby knows their faces, yet doesn’t know their names. However instead of pulling me to one side and asking me politely to inform her of the new faces…she came up to me, pointed at Richard directly in the face, who was sat right next to me on the sofa and whispered, as loud as she could...’Who’s this Mum?’ Then she began showing off and doing her usual spit of entertainment…which is a break dancing/ballet bonanza.
Life is good today. I’m waiting until i’m back on you telly box. I’m patient, so i’m feeling fine about it all. I’m feeling dandy to say the day maybe started off rough. (Rough means ‘before coffee.’) I watched a whole bunch of documentaries last night, when all the kids (including Keiran 🙂 ) had gone to bed. I love a good life documentary so i got my fill of them until i could see no more. I almost nearly watched that ‘My Little Princess’ show out of humour, yet I was far too sober to appreciate it. All my gay friends seemingly loved it though. Who wouldn’t..it was comedic Princes fighting for the love of a lady, in fancy dress, getting thrown off bridges. You needed to be drunk to enjoy it.
Instead i watched that Facebook Stalker thing…and it actually disturbed me quite deeply. I mean, that poor Ruth Jeffery has had to go through all of that and she’s only a little teen. Some men need to grow up and be a lot more secure in themselves, as from what i’ve seen, learned and experienced in life, when a man is insecure or lost the first thing they take it out on is either women or the woman they are supposed to love. So my heart goes out to her…as what a terrible way to begin your path in love. It hits harder with me now that I have a little girl and I pray that she’s as feisty and knowledgeable as I.My world and chain of thought has completely changed since having Rubes and I thank her every day for it. She really brought out the best in me. Made me grow up and understand what matters in life.
On the love front, Keiran and I are alright. Were going through an odd few days really. He’s quite knackered after his nights of hanging out and drinking. He was the first to go to bed last night and the last to rise. There have been sharp moments of snappiness from him, followed by sincere apologies and then long pauses of distant thought.
I’ve been moody too, yet i’m feisty…that’s just me. I’m happy, yet if i don’t something will express it loudly and obviously. The Hubby’s been on a wild positive streak of ‘ooh laa’ over the last couple months, so in the last couple of days I have certainly seen a change in him. He’s not himself at all and completely in his own head. He’s worried about something? If not that…then he should refrain from late nights out if it makes him that tired. His eyes look less bright and more sunken bagged. He needs to get back on Cloud 9…quickly, so i can have him back again. I think that he needs to maybe truly appreciate what he actually has around him in his life, without impatiently and quite madly craving more. He knows this because he reads it everyday. Yet i’m not 100% sure that he’s acting upon it appropriately. You ONLY EVER recieve more in life when you are utterly content with what you have already. If you feel as though what you have isn’t good enough, then you will always attract that feeling of ‘not having enough.’ It’s totally true. I mean you sort of have to be happy for what you have, whilst you also pursue all that you want. I just hope and well want him to find his happy place again and simply because I love him. I hate seeing him like he has a piece missing to his jigsaw. But i know he’ll find his way again…maybe he just needs a cuddle and a coffee.
Luckily, I feel great, refreshed and after another coffee will be over the moon. 🙂 Business is good. Mummy-hood is great. I’m feeling delicious. Yet still standing for no nonsense.
Big Kisses, Love you all!
Thank you for following my life! I adore you for it. 😉