Poorly Babies, Boy Porn and Phone Calls…

 

Well, I have a poorly Baby Ruby, I have an overly excited husband, who decided to spend the final minutes of his Sunday evening squeezing my breasts, like they were clown hooters, as he giddy-faced with utter glee and asked me for a blowjob. (No jackpot. I’m passed my ‘ooh i feel sexy’ time of the month now. Pregnancy has hit me and although i’m lovin git with a waddle and a wink, i’m not loving it enough to have a human of the male species poke me with his ‘rhythm stick,’ for a quick comedic pump of joy-joy.)

On the whole, life is good. In fact, no. Life is great! I’m expecting a couple of really exciting phone calls this week, so I have my kitten fingers crossed and i’m armed with that glint, that keeps my dreams a coming true. I’m staying confident this time, even though i’m a bit snuffly. (The only Glamour Puss with a runny nose. However, that’s what you get when you’re a M.I.L.F :)…i had to spend the evening with Ruby’s fever afro and temperature forehead wedged into my neck for cuddles. It’s great because you get to be a mummy. Yet rubbish if you don’t want to catch the flu.)

I’ve worked hard, I’ve been filled with love and i’m hoping for the best. I’m meant to be writing my naughty novel today, yet i’ve lost my ‘ooh laa.’ Therefore, with winners being drinkers or problem solvers and because I can’t pick up a champers and ponder, I decided to late night buy two books last night on Amazon. One of them by the great Jackie Collins and the other by Victoria Fox. They’re the kinda books i’d like to write, so i figured their magic would rub off on me. (I enjoy how Keiran believes that i was in the bathroom so long because I was playing with my vaginary bits, when I was actually just brushing my teeth? Men are bizarre creatures, with the most vivid of imaginations. If we girls have a slumber party, they believe we’re all getting naked for each other and feeling each other up. WE’RE NOT. We’re usually just doing each other’s hair, talking about boys or moaning about our other halves, whilst  drinking and sharing diet tips. Honestly ladies, when have you EVER been to a slumber party in REAL LIFE, that has ended up in hardcore porn? Never. Keep dreaming fellas! I’ve even been to a slumber party at the actual Playboy Mansion and it hasn’t even remotely been porny, it’s sort of been more classy in a good old Hollywood glamourous way.)

Last night, I lost my delightful husband to the rugby and then the #boyporn that is ‘Africa’ by David Attenborough. The rugby wasn’t so bad, I could cope with it mildy, as it’s men in shorts rolling all over the floor. Yet the nature porn, was too much for me.

Don’t get me wrong it’s a beautifully produced series and i’m completely all ‘hats off and nipple tassles’ to the actual making of it. I adore nature and I think it’s wonderful that shows of that sort still get shown and are still massively popular. HOWEVER, in Wunna land, that show is terrifying and simply because it turns my perfectly loving husband into a complete hornball. It’s like he’s the Incredible Hulk…but on Viagra. Eww..and last night they focussed in on these weird little naked mole rats that looked like bare fleshy, nut sacks and willies, eating  each other’s faces off. It was very upsetting. I couldn’t even watch it. I mean, I have to spend a great deal of my time hiding my vagina from Keiran during the process of that show, let alone covering my eyes, so i don’t have to watch the naked moles feasting on each other. I can’t run BLIND, goddamit.

(Wait! Phonecall!)

 

…I’m back after a 2 hour typing break.

I had to pick the darling little fruit of my loins up from nursery, due to her wallowing in illness and being unable to handle the masses at nursery. (It must be hard being an ‘IT’ Baby. 😉 ) Anyhow, she’s home now, watered, fed and snuggled, so during nap time, i’ve decided to get back to blogging. The trails and tribulations of Motherhood. I love it. 🙂 Plus, my ‘Handsome’ Husband has been following me around to try and pick my brain, as he attempts to set up his new property company up so it runs flawlessly and radiates professionalism in cyberland. I now have a man following me around, asking if I can make his phone calls for him, with his iphone in his hands and a toddler with a snotty nose, and a pair of delicious oriental eyes crying after me. It’s fun….I need WINE. 4 more months!!)

So, where was I? Yes! I’m expecting great phone calls this week, the good work ones, where you take that little kitty cat step further in life. I’n really working hard now, so i’m hoping to snag me a deal. It’s certainly hard to remain focussed when you’re hormonal, yet i’m god of heart, meaning God will forgive me and give me everything I want. (I can hear Keiran in the background about to yell at a man on the phone. Maybe I should’ve handled it for him? Nothing like the kitten touch. He’s getting angry and shouting, ‘Mate, can you put me on to someone who knows what they’re talking about. You’re just babbling CRAP! Put me onto someone who knows what they’re on about!!’)

What was I even talking about earlier? I can’t concentrate when there’s shouting in the background. Oh yeah..’Africa.’ Gross and horny all at the same time. I’ve completely lost my chain of thought.

Okay, so there’s so much I want to do and conquer and well as long as I’m on your telly box entertaining and writing best selling novels in the future, then i’m happy. I pretty much have everything else in life that I want, so that would be the cherry on the big old pie of glory. (I will tell you that I am getting a little nervous now, as i’ve just remembered that inside my *bump* is a human, a boy human…and that boy human can’t stay in there forever and will at some point, well in 4 months time have to come out. I hear stitches a calling. OUCHY!)

Shit! I remember now! I wanted to tell you how awesome my Sunday ended up being. Lots of opportunities came my way and I got all excited about life once more. I want utter luxury and to gain that I need these opportunities, so i’m utterly grateful for every one of them.

But yes, remember how Keiran and I won on the scratch cards last week…and then after buying a couple more with our winnings, we WON again, yet this time won £100! Well yesterday, when I was buying our steak for lunch (he choked on it,) and the hubby was cashing in our winnings, we thought we’d put £20 of these winnings towards a couple more scratch cards.

Got home, scratched them. I won £10 on mine. He then won almost every game on his. It was £20 here….£30 there….then £50 on the next game, meaning on one card alone we had bagged ourselves another £100!!

Then he went on to scratch another little one and he won a further £15. Meaning in total with our winnings we won another £125!! Can you even believe it! I’m winning the lottery next. I’m telling ya, we’re magic!

Other than all that, as i Just can’t think anymore, I do wish you all a marvellous beginning to the week and also my delicious friend Emily a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Monday’s are usually always shot, yet if you make it completely worth it and add a dash of excitement it will make the rest of your week AMAZING.

Have a goal that you want to have achieved by Friday and see if you manage to conquer it.

Love you longtime…

Chrissie x

ps/ I want those phone calls.

 

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