Happy Sunday, my brinking blooms of ‘boom’ fest. (I have no idea what i’m referring to, when i speak to you in such a manner. Yet just go with it, it works for me. Plus, that’s what blogs are about…emptying and sharing the glorious shite 🙂 that lays in your pretty mind, for a hopeful audience, who may be inspired by your delicious words or documents.)
I’ve just done my face and had my darling Baby Ruby, wrapped up warm and delivered to ‘Daddy Pete,’ who’ll have her for the whole day today, since i’ll be taking my gorgeous little glamour puss away for 4 days, with the family back to the forest tomorrow.
Yesterday, was all about ‘chill.’ Not one thing was tended to, other than ourselves and sometimes you just NEED a day like that in order to keep the peace a flowing in your system. It’s sort of like a re-charge of jolly lost energy. We laid in, giggled with one another, did breakfast, stayed in our ‘comfies’ all day and watched movies…(some weird one with ‘Marlon Brando’ dressed as a posh ship captain, with half naked Tahitian ladies, bonking all the sailors out of kindess…Then ‘Double Jeopardy,’ after an old Eddie Murphy movie, where i believe he was talking to fairies, under his little girls purple blanket?) The day was littered with true love, mummy-hood, hopes for the future, laughs, chats and naps. All 3 of us managed to take a nap at some point. #excitingstuff Keiran claimed to be going to the gym, yet instead put on his slippers, covered himself with a blanket and went to sleep on the sofa. #oldmanthompson My Robotic Ken doll was out of action.
The rest of the evening, i delighted in playing with my tiny Baby Ruby. Y’know, my love for my little girl is endless and i never thought i could love her any more with another inch of my being. Yet weirdly, since knowing that i’ll be having a brand new baby boy, my love for her has multiplied massively and i have no idea why? Is it because i feel all mummified and delicious? I’m having another child and i’m simply filled with this tremendous glow of ‘oooh laa.’ Is it because she’ll now be my ‘big’ girl, my first born, the heir to my ‘Wunna’ empire, my only little glamour puss. (She was so cute this morning, pretending to do her face in a portable dressing mirror and pouting.) I just don’t know? But right now, i’m filled with love for her…and so utterly happy that i have a little baby boy on the way. It’s magical. And as the story goes, makes our little family of complete balance. Mummy, Daddy, Daughter, Son….and all in a year and a half. 🙂 I’m a passionate girl and not one bit a slow mover. When i want i want. When i don’t i don’t. I’m far less panicky, now that i’m older and wiser and simply because i know how to work my life now 🙂 and i know that great things just end up coming my way. I totter forward, with whole heart and usually a wine (when not preggo)…letting my natural flow of life work it’s magic…well it only works after a big old *push-stomp-and kick* anyway. 🙂 I’m like that vending machine that you have to *smack* repeatedly, in order to get the ‘goodie’ that you’ve already paid for, to come out. 🙂 I just have a tremendous amount of charm that goes alongside it…with boobs, a smile and a stint on the telly, which makes you put up with me a little longer than you ever wanted to. To be honest, i don’t actually think that at all. I’m quite easy going and well i’m a chica who always knows what’s she’s doing. Everything that seems accidental, usually is deliberate and everything that’s deliberate…often goes wrong. 🙂
Y’know, when i’m happy, i laugh the hardest. When i’m angry, i’ll karate chop you out of existence. If i like, i LOVE and if i don’t…you’ll know about it and once i don’t, i’m not weak, fake or fickle enough to bend backwards and forgive you. But right now and because i’m wearing my more positive head of extensions i’m grateful for everything i have in life and ready to rocket forward to achieve want i want, It’s important to go get and make your dreams come true. Turn your thoughts into a reality and work hard at being a success…no matter what it is you wish to be life. Although, i’m great at that, i’m lacked *push-push* of recent and only given 50%. Maybe even 40%. So, if only pushing 40%, gives me the success of what occured last year. Then actually working hard, on full fuel determination will no doubt get me where i want to be. It worked in Hollywood. it worked when i first got back home to England and so it’ll work now. (I just need a coffee first. *Wiggle-wink-hair-toss-beckon.*) I tend to get too comfortable when i’m happy and enjoy it with utter celebration. Then i’m like, ‘Shit, i have dreams. I’m meant to be taking over the world with my fabulousity, being on the telly, making money, opening a business….inspiring the world,’ so i tuck my baby back in the buggy, do my hair, finish off making the tea, kiss my husband, adjust my bra, and do a ‘means business’ face. This year…i’ve got the ‘means business’ face down…however as always it’s cleverly disguised under the safety of my ‘I’m calm,’ Bimbo mask. I actually don’t feel that safe under my ‘bimbo’ mask, like i used to. Maybe because i’ve come to terms with the fact that i’m not really that and hiding behind something that you actually aren’t really isn’t that clever and even worse….transparent. #shithidingplace
Things are good today. Looks a bit snowy, yet with the sun beaming through the windows. Rubes is happy. I’m enjoying having a Sunday and then getting ready to pack for our forest holiday tomorrow. (We were there three weeks ago and just had to go again.
Keiran’s oddly excited over the fact that there’s a bit of snow on top of a few jolly cars. He’ s just got back from the gym and now downstairs, doing Lord knows what, whilst i’m blogging. I was actually far more chipper this morning, whilst we were all laid in bed, just waking up. Rubes was chatting away and being a bit insane for a Sunday morning really, whilst i was topless and rolling over, like the hag that i am, trying to wake up. Then my darling husband, as lovely as he is, decided to tell me that he was going to hang out with his guy friends, (who i distinctly remember hating, aside from one) for a drink to celebrate the fact that he’s going to be having a baby boy. Which is really just an excuse for them to all hang out, get pissed, get fucked up and watch all my friends and I’s ex-boyfriends kick a ball around for money on a big screen…yet the excuse they used was ‘my bump.’ Nice. Classy. Thoughtful. I enjoy it when men foolishly position themselves in a manner that leads them straight to the dog house. That’s why woman are by far the smarter sex. If you don’t want trouble then don’t take the foolish steps that lead to it.
So, yeah…that’s annoyed me really and no doubt i’ll voice it. Y’know, whenever they are mentioned and since that chunk of time last year, they have never been mentioned in my house, as i’ve merrily cut out them of my life…a negative surge of gunk, pours over me and because it reminds me of a really awful time in my relationship and i don’t mean a ‘bad hair day’ awful, i mean it was REALLY awful. I think of how horrific my now husband was to me during that time, how poorly they all treated me, talked badly about me, lied about me, back chatted about me, disrespected me, made fun of me and tried to breakdown my entire marriage. Whilst Keiran joined in, whenever he was angry at me. I had no support and I felt lost and it was the only time in my entire relationship where i truely thought i had made a massive mistake in being with him, because i didn’t realize that he came as a package..a negative one, that i couldn’t get away from…no matter how hard i tried. I have good friends, who are positive, respectful, successful, giving and kind…to both of us always. His friends are the opposite.
On the whole, it was a terrible time for me and in that time i only really had Rubes and my mum to guide me. Like i even went through an entire eating disorder through that entire phase and Keiran was so self obssessed, angry, emotionally absent and ‘party boy’ hurtful at that point that he didn’t even notice. He was so clouded and filled with negativity, that he couldn’t even see what it was doing to his home life, his foundation, his soon to be wife and family. He didn’t even care if it broke up our entire marriage at the time and to see how happy he was at the wedding and how wonderful a husband he is now and that’s with them being pushed out of our relationship, shows to me what a difference it makes. They don’t do anything productive with each other. Only time waste and party.
So, to them it was just a mildy bad time. To me…it was one of the worst times of my life. I went through a lot and had to search quite flipping far for all the strength i had left, as i was getting married in the weeks to come. Not fun at all. And the fact that they now try and text me and pretend like ‘nothing’s happened and try to smear things over with cheesy ‘lets just forgive and forget,’… makes me laugh. I don’t think so. I’d prefer for them to imagine bridge…maybe a glitzy one… Then imagine fucking up by it and then having to set it on fire and watch it burn forward, away and without them. Keiran mght be stupid enough to hang out with people who did that to me, our marriage and who say awful things about me behind my back. Which i find disloyal. Yet he’s the kinda boy, who doesn’t care what you really think, as long as you are nice to his face and make his time with you seem as merry, as can be. He’ll take you at face value, regardless as to what you actually think and that’s done deliberately, just incase what you think isn’t what he wants to hear, meaning it will hurt him. But they’ll never ever be a part of my life, or anything that is my life because i am not so stupid to associate with people of that sort, when i have such a bright future ahead of me and i’m gonna go get it, without wasting my time. He can make his own decisions and learn from them whenever he chooses. (Like before he left he explained to him how i felt about the matter and refused to *kiss* him goodbye and he to acts like he’s completely forgotten everything that we all went through last year and how terrible it was, because he just doesn’t want to face fact. I don’t it when people ‘pretend’ forget things that have happened…it’s not the smartest way forward, now is it.)
Excluding all that, life is actually great and yeah, i’ve had a moan and voiced how i feel, but i’m happy to have what i have and thankful for every moment that i breathe that bit of magical air, that keeps my kitty cat heart a pumping and my soul fluttering forward. I’m a lucky girl. I have a beautiful family, daughter and baby on the way…a career that is about to regain consciously hopefully :)…i have a telly show a coming on your telly box, a book to promote and good hard earnt moola, a promising it’s way to me. I feel like i have everything and as long as i stay positive and cut all that is negative, or anything that brings negatively into my world OUT…then the rest of this year will go down just the way i want it to. I learnt from wonderful people the way to become a success and i intend to follow suite with their guidance. (That’s what the smart people do…then they add their own shimmie to keep it original. 🙂 )
But yes…i’ve had a little weep (*rolls eyes*) whilst writing this, but all cries are good cries, as it’s a release of unwanted energy, that makes way for ‘only good.’ I miss Rubes so much right now and just want her here with me.
I’m meant to be packing to go to the forest, yet i’ll throw a few things in the wash and make a bag up later. I took far too much last time and well i’m just not in a packing mood right now. I’ve lost my holiday excitement. It’s like i just can’t get away from drama. We haven’t even bought all the food etc to go. And right now…i’m not bothered really. He can do it.
Anyway, i just wanted to say THANK YOU SOOO MUCH to each and every one of you who has sent us a ‘Congratulations’ tweet, inbox, text, call or facebook message. It means a lot to me and well your well wished are a delight and are gratefully recieved with a wink. We even got a Tweet from the beautiful Melanie Sykes, who congratulated us on the bump being a boy. How lovely! See..my little boy is pulling an audience already. 🙂
Lord help us all!
I love you, but you know that!
Have a great day, I’m gonna enjoy this bit of peace that i have before it runs out…
ps, I’ve deliberately put a ‘sexy’ picture up and simply because over my entire time of blogging, my most successful post (and this really is of ALL TIME) was not one of my best written pieces, but of a ‘Nuts Bedroom Babe’ picture. Plus, so what…it’s sexy and the pregnant ompa-lumpa that i am now, enjoys to look back at that time with a ‘yeah i did have a waist line, under this bump’. 🙂
Big blowie kisses x
I’m off to the forest tomorrow… I hate that a downer’s been put on it. But whatever, I’m still excited.