‘What jingles…jangles!….And gin.’

So much is going on today, that i’ve opted for Wunna ‘chill-time.’ When things get a flustery, i tend to avoid it and run for the hills. Not the best method really, hence a previous broken marriage, people i no longer talk too and 20 boys that i’ve managed to leave, not to mention a handful of towns and 2 countries. I really have decided that work is over for the year, apart from the odd filming day, in order to enjoy Christmas and put my preggo knees up, as i get set ready for the very busy year ahead, which is all business, shows, new lines, books, business and babies. However, as soda…soda? Sorry, ha…i have pop and crap food on the brain. It’s my bump, it has a mind of it’s own. I do mean SODS law may have it. As soon as you say ‘REST’…he wheels in work, and does it by the truck load. Now, i’m not complaining, i adore entertaining and being entertained. I’m just feeling lazy right now and simply because my 15 day birthday countdown has begun. You can’t fight the feeling, Christmas and ‘another year older’ days come first. *Add tinsel here.*

I actually opted for a day of calm and meditation today, to avoid being busy. I tended to a facial. I rested. I diffused the cluster from my soul, long warm showered, baby oiled for moisture and relaxed. Infact, i got so relaxed that i could’ve called it a day, slipped back into my comfies and gone straight back to bed. 🙂 I felt that great! So calm. Soooo cosy. Yet unfortunately thinking that that wasn’t the correct way to run my Tuesday, i got changed, jegging’ed up, and armed in my fur boots, faced the rain to come here to the library and write to you. (See i AM caring. Or maybe just an attention seeker?)
Now because it’s Christmas, everyone keeps inviting me out. I’m old now, so the art of ‘getting down in da club’ doesn’t float my boat as much these days. I’ve partied. I’ve done it and well i believe i’ve done it better than most, in one of the best towns in the world, with the acest people ever. (And yeah i AM referring to Hollywood and not Yorkshire.) Don’t get me wrong, i adore bit of ‘social’ at Crimbo, so i’m picking and choosing my ‘flouncing’…as being preggo and watching people drink isn’t all that fun. So i really must do a dinner with new friend Emily, who is up North every so ‘weekend,’ as i’d like that. Plus, today, i also agreed to meet up for Christmas (maybe laced with ‘don’t know how it got there’ gin) orange juice with blond Emma and her lovely new beau ‘Goodhall’ and simply because i adore them. They’re a great couple and great couples need to be celebrated. If i wasn’t preggo, i’d be latching onto their fun all the time, as they do all the same things i’d like to do…champagne hotel weekends, balls, dinners…luxury. However, come Christmas Eve, Blond Emma will vodka up her orange and celebrate Christmas with ‘Wunna-now a Thompson,’ and be escorted by her lovely beau. She assures me that ‘don’t kow how it got here’ gin, is the best kind. You need friends like Blond Emma around you. They keep the balance alive. (I just want you to notice how good i am now. If i was normal, not preggo Chrissie, i would be guzzling 22 bottles of wine, mixing it with pink champers and adding a shot an a port because it’s Christmas…for lunch!) Actually, Emma and I, were working together last Crimbo and our hideous boss at the time let us go out to bars and restuarants during the day to drink wine and meet with clients. (We did PR and marketing, just to verify, as i’ve made us sound like prossies.) The evil boss didn’t let our other work colleague ‘Ruth’ go with us, as she didn’t feel she ‘fitted in’ or was ‘pretty’ enough! How bads that! What a bitch! Luckily, we all no lonager have to work for her anymore, so fuck it lets enjoy Crimbo 2012! It’ll never happen again! (As much as i love being preggo. I really must refrain from falling pregnant during this time of year, where i have a birthday, Xmas AND New Year to celebrate! Infact AND a husband’s birthday! -He’s back from London today and hopefully on a train RIGHT NOW! Can’t wait to see him. I’ve missed him mucho.)
I’m currently getting loads of messages from women who are dying to get that engagement ring under the tree this year and wanting advice. My advice is probably not to ask for it, as firstly surely it is far more romantic for a man to look at you and think ‘wow-this is the girl i want to do forever with’ and ask you by following his own heart, at his own pace. It’s not the same if you beg him and hardly sexy. Even if he does ask…it doesn’t begin the engagement in good stead. I think the key is to express how you feel about marriage and being married to the boy in question, then forget about it, unless he mentions it an be the BEST girlfriend ever. I always believe men marry the girl that they truely believe they CAN’T DO ANY BETTER than. I really do. They pretty much go on hottness initally and then there’s a whole list of other superficial things before the stuff that matters. 🙂 I always believe that most men want the hottest wife, one that most think is super hot and they WILL be engaged to that girl. They enjoy a trophy, even if it kills them. I mean they adore parading around their ‘trophy’…yet kinda at the same time don’t want any one to muscle in, flirt with, or take their ‘trophy’ from them. It’s quite a difficult situation for them to balance. I mean, Keiran for example, when he’s at work and showing people pictures of his wife. (Note: PICTURES. Men are visual and terribly in love with beauty or what they think is sexy and want everyone to see.) He doesn’t whop out a normal picture of me where i look like a ‘spaz’…in pyjama bottoms, chilling at home in no face or with Ruby. He ‘scroll-scroll’clicks’ and produces the ‘here she is’ photos…. and what am i wearing in them? Lingerie AND bunny ears! 😉 That’s my boy. ‘This is MY wife!’
I’m not complaining, as i like that he thinks i’m sexy. Plus, i do the exact same thing. I’ve posted many a shirtless pic of Keiran on my Facebook thread for the eyes of others. I love eye candy and because i’m young at heart. The older you get, the more you add ‘rich, romantic, faithful and loving’ to that list. Which i have finally managed to conquer. Yet, like a boy (and i am known for being quite masculine when it comes to dating, as Hollywood trained me to be that way, i hung around with boys all the time and felt really powerful, as the hot girls actually run that town…) i don’t want ANYONE tampering on, or even near by property with overly eager dolly eyes. But he likes that’s too, as i have assured him that i would go mental. He had a giant smile on his face that simply said ‘she loves me.’ We’re sick like that! Yipppeeee!
Whatelse? God, i’m still thinking about everyone wanting me to party. I couldn’t even manage to STAY UP for the live episode of TOWIE at 10pm, last night, let alone hip bumping to Pussycat doll tracks in a crowded club. I prefer nice dinners and bars to clubs. I don’t like ‘girls night’ or ‘boys night’ and simply because they’re both just excuses to get away from your partner for a while. ‘Girls nights’ are never about girls. 🙂 And ‘Boys night’ is never just about boys.’ But yeah, i put Rubes to sleep last night and fell asleep with her. I wanted to see that TOWIE episode too!!! The last thing i rememebr was hearing that Kate Middleton and Prince Wills were having a baby, then *Zzzzzz….* i was in dream land. Is Kate’s name ‘Kate Windsor’ now? But on the whole, how lvoely. Another royal bambino! Yay!
I must go, as i have a few things for tea i need to get ready. Plus, i have to talk to my new driving instructor ( i can already drive, but taking a refresher course, so i can drive the new Mercedes and do the nursery run. I’m currently terrified of driving and well i need ot get over it pronto.) This time of year, every year, reminds me of Wazza. When we were in school he would, in fact we all would, but mainly him, would re-write merry Christmas songs and put the word ‘Schlong’ in his new edit, before singing it to the 6th form masses. He had quite a collection of them tooo. Infact, we even wrote them all out and stuck them to the wall so we could all rejoice in them and sing along, in the name of Christmas. We joined minds and forces and everything.
Anyway, he came up with ‘Big Schlong Merrily on High/Deck the halls with Wazzo’s body/Jingle Bells, My Schlong smells…in fact far too many to mention. There was even a mucky ‘122 Days of Xmas.’ However my favourite was his rendition of George Michael’s ‘Last Christmas.’
It went like this: (Go on..do it to the tune)
‘Laaaaast Christmas, i gave you my schlong….
But the very next day..you had worn it awaaaay.
Thhhiiiiis year, to save you from tears..
I’ve taken off all the holly. (holly)’ 🙂
This is why you should certainly send your child to Ackworth school. (The boarding school and not the one up the road.) We turn into Glamour models, become ‘rogue’ bank traders and celebrate Xmas re-edits. Worth every penny. But really. I loved it there! We all did.

Leave a Comment