Glamour-Dilly-Doo-Daa

Good afternoony, my chipper cherry drops of delight. I’m having to blog from the Ackworth library today, due to on going internet problems with my favourite company in the entire world (*sarcastic face*,) but i am feeling rather glamourous today, so i’m going to wing it with a wiggle and hope for the best. Gorgeous crisp weather today and i’ve already been told not to ‘heavy breathe’ on an old man, who believes i have influenza. He’s posh and charming, so i’ll let him off. I like posh men and simply because they sound better when they’re being bossy or rude. He doesn’t like ’50 Shades of Grey’ and i have no idea why he feels the need to tell me that? Now he’s asking me if i’ve managed to get a dog yet? A dog? Does he know me? Maybe he’s mistaken me for the random Thai bride that he bought in 1997, yet lost on route to Great Britian, when she ran off with a bin man from Castleford. Maybe she always wanted a poodle….for dinner. (Bizarre imagination. I should’ve written children’s stories. 🙂 ) But yeah, Jeremy Kyle impressed me today, because he had loser wife beaters, who get teenage girls pregnant. (It brought a bit of ‘smack-bang’ reality to Wunna land, which is all a snotty nosed today. I have a half Burmese one year old with the snuffles and a very handsome 28 year old husband, with a runny conker too.) Anyway, back to Jermey Kyle…The gentleman claimed that he treated his now pregnant 16 year old girlfriend ‘like a Princess.’ Dude! You smashed her head against a radiator, spat on her, kicked her down the stairs when she was pregnant and then threatened to shoot her and you’re unborn child, if she didn’t do as you say. I don’t remember that happening in ‘Cinderella?’ Maybe i didn’t read between the lines? I was too busy being charmed by true love, glass slippers and fairy god mothers. (A hundred toddler looking children have just filtered into the library. They are the cutest things i have ever seen, yet are they supervised or have they just run away from nursery and thought the library was their best bet? They have a lot more to learn about hiding places. They need to do what my child does and hide right infront of you, whilst shouting ‘i’m here’ for a bit of attention. No-one’s going to give you the appropriate ‘look at me’ in the library. What are their mother’s teacing them? 🙂

I’m putting the ‘G’ in Glamourous today. Yesterday, i strutted out and ventured through the exotic climates of Pontefract town centre to run errands and get my nails done. It was weirdly a really great day and because i thoroughly enjoyed saying ‘Husband’ in the parcel delivery office. The Hubs made me take one of his passports. I don’t know why he has two, but there’s two of them. On one, he’s young looking and looks like a chav and on the other he’s old looking, with long hair, with a mild Arab tone. I took the Arab looking one as ID for humourous reasons and i got to say ‘I’m here to pick up my HUSBANDS package.’ I loved every single moment of it and got all giddy with excitement for a second. You know that you’re a girl in love when you have a moment of ‘excited eyes’ when you simply get to call the man of your dreams your ‘Husband.’ I’ve never felt like that before. I mean, i spent the majority of my life, rolling a revovling door of useless men out of my Hollywood bed and calling them a taxi home with a ‘high five,’ and an i’ll call you later. I always wanted them to be my Mr.Right, yet weirdly none of them fit. I guess when everyone thought i was being super slaggy (and i was never really as slaggy as anyone thought) i was actually being really picky….and even to this day i’m quite picky about the things that mean something to me. Paint colour, menu selections, grocery drama’s i don’t give a shite about, so i’ always very ‘yeah, yeah whatever you want.’ Men, business, my family, my heart and anything that i love, i’m very very very picky and when i’m feeling extra glamourous, (like i feel today) the ‘picky’ is mixed with ‘sexy.’ Dangerous! (I only feel glamourous becaus ei’ve clipped in new hair extensions. Like i Tweeted earlier, nothing beats that extra few inches. *Wiggle-wink.* It really has made me feel back to ‘Puss in high heeled boots,’ because i’ll admit that over the last couple of weeks, i’ve certianly been feeling shit and lazy, in the grooming  dpeartment, due to my delicious first trimester. Today, i’ve felt like making a little bit of an effort, which firstly makes ME FEEL AMAZING and secondly, will make my other half feel like he has his Glamour puss wife back. As shallow as it sounds, i never ever want to be a women who forgot to look good. I feel powerful when i look good and it glows with a happy, giggle from inside my little Burmese soul. Putting the sexy into things, makes everything better and by ‘sexy’ i don’t mean slutty…i just mean that ‘ooh-laa’ that makes you glow.
I’ve had a secretly amazing afternoon today, thanks to my mum. Now you have always heard me say i have an fantastic Mother and every day i thank the Gods for her. Today she out did herself and i can’t quite tell you why yet. But i received a text from her around noon, asking me to hang out with her. I did…and good things happened. She’s the kinda woman that makes me feel super blessed to be hers and when a mummy makes you feel like that, then she’s done more than a wonderful job. All she ever says to me, when i tell her how great she has been is simply, ‘well now you know how to treat Ruby.’ She’s filled with good examples is my mum. My Hollywood years and maybe just a bit before, let her down a bit, yet she always championed my corner and never gave up on me. Now i’m her little angel again, due to the birth of glitzy Rubes. I’m sure i’m favourite child once more. 🙂 I might be the naughty one, but i just do naughty with panache. Anyhow, i’ll fill you in next week on today’s events.
Okay, so bizarrely you all still hate my birthing video on Youtube, (aside from the people who love it, thank you for that bit of #teamwunna love…and thank you for verbally abusing the girl that called me a $5 whore, because i wore false eyelashes during labour? 🙂 Deary me. Feeling the love! ) Yet you all adore the Wazza stories. Figures. Wazza always wins. I do something wonderful like bring LIFE into the world and he throws me out of a window and gets applause. I actually have loads of Wazza stories, due to him being my oldest friend ever. (In ‘years i’ve known him,’ not in ‘years he’s been alive.’) In fact this blog was initally his fricking idea. (So you should be sending hate mail to him. 🙂 But i’ll still bundle all the words of adoration. Lord knows i need it.) But you all want to hear more stories about him, yet now i’m on the spot i can’t think of any? Apart from when my mum and dad took us to Disney land, and i bought a Furby. I think we both did. God, they don’t have randomly and uncontrollably  jibber jabber on. I’m seriously terrified of them and think they’re little bastards. Anyway, on the plane home, Wazza thinks it’s funny to put batteries in mine, turn it on and hide it in the section where you put your carry on hand luggage. If you are not familair with a Furby. Google one. They talk and talk and talk, and whenever they flipping want…really really loud, especially when you’re on what seems like a REALLY QUIET because it’s night and everyone’s knackered and needing sleep, plane ride home. All everyone could hear, as they tried to slip into plane dream land, which isn’t easy anyhow, was my hidden bastard Furby, ‘*&^^%$^&**- ing’ and (*)*&^&^£(‘ ing every 2 minutes, then maybe bursting in song for kicks. That’s who i have running my entire blog and managing my cyberland glory. We’ll be stars one day i’m sure.
Anyway, i’ve got to go. Hopefully i’ll have internet soon. (I’m switching servers.) I’m excited about my new lip gloss line. It will be coming to you next year and i’ll also be promoting my book in the New Year, as it would seem timing is for a good sales push then. I could lie to you and say, it just so happens that it will be in the New year, out of luck. But no, i have shows out then… so a ‘here’s my book and lip gloss line’ would work better. Plus, i open a beauty salon next year also!!! How exciting!
Shit, i need to get home to get ready for Baby Ruby’s arrival. Must go. Love you mucho.
Big kisses,
Chrissie x

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