Little Miss Puke Pants

OMG! Good evening! So sorry it’s been ages, (well a couple days, however in a bloggers world that is quite simply a decade) but i have been sooo deliciously, super dooper sick, that i haven’t been able to blog today. I wanted and well needed to tell you all about Ruby’s ‘Baby comp’ (oh the joys…*sarcasm here* yet that will come,) and I also wanted to tell you about my lunches by fireplaces and morning moments of love. Then i wanted to inform you about drunk people and who they decided to call once fucked. (I swear i’m honestly like the ‘Ghostbusters’ call for all drunks and druggies, when they’re out, about and spiraling down the plug hole of life and all of it, whilst i’m glamourously tucked up in my little sober bed attempting to count sheep, with my little slanty eyes.

Unfortunately, i am regrettably unable to tell you ALL about that hunka chunka life, as of right now and simply because today, was the day the Good (annoying) Lord, decided to wake me up from my little stain sheets and slap a giant white gummy sticker on my head reading ‘PUKE HERE.’

OMG! Am i ill!!! I am sooo ill! And in my darling illest state, i felt that i needed to fit in a quickie 😉 and squeeze out a blog, simply to inform you of my recent accidental ‘Houdini.’ (If you have no clue as to what i’m on about…look it up, Google it, ask a friend. I can’t be arsed to me explainy. School is cool folks. 🙂 )

To begin with i had ZERO sleep. The little fruit of my loins is now deciding to SCREAM in the middle of her dream time. Maybe to keep it Halloweeny? Or simply because, well i don’t know what’s making her scream, but she certainly needs mummy during it. Fun! Love having 2 hours sleep, when pregnant. *Bring out the rum.* OH WAIT, I CAN’T BECAUSE I’M NOW TEE-TOTAL. *Applaud here- I need fucking encouragment.*

Everything in Wunna land is pretty perfect right now. It could always be better, but it has been much better this week, than it has in a couple weeks and it’s felt really good, but annoying at the same time, because i’m ILL.

As soon as i woke up this morning. I puked. I’ve literally PUKED 14 times today, the last time being 3 minutes before this blog. (It was green Haribo, that i puked out.) ALL DAY, i have done nothing but be pukey. It’s gross. I feel terrible. Pregnancy obviously rocks.

I puked down the loo twice. Puked upon MYSELF in the shower, ONCE. Then moved it along, whilst naked and barfed in the upstairs loo, like a champion. Tried to eat an orange. Puked that out. Vomitted again. Waited for my mum to arrive, whilst i laid in bed, fully dressed DYING of illness. (I enjoyed the fact that my Mother decided to grab my attention by THROWING A ROCK at my bedroom window. 🙂 I mean, JEEZE, you can take a girl out of Burma, but you can’t….:) Love you mum.)

I placed on my beige faux fur and puked once more for luck i guess. I couldn’t hold anything down and even the smell of anything was making me gip.

Went on a long car journey to Doncaster with The Wunna’s, to run a  few errands, deposit money and buy hair extensions. If ill, always glam up. I makes you look like Disney villian, rather than a mess. Vomitted in my mums black Mercedes. 🙂 Then puked in a plastic bag, once parked up.

I then weirdly managed to refrain from puking for an entire hour and attempted to drink a diet coke. Yeah, not fun. Made me queezy. Everything made me queezy. The smell of B.O, noodles, perfume, walking, everything. I will tell you that nothing is worse than being in public and trying to not vomit to save face. I’m not a save facer. I’ll do anything i need to do, whenever i need to do it. So today, i found it difficult. Chilled with my mum, bought hair, did banking, got made fun of on Twitter, then FINALLY got saved by some Ice cafe, that was selling SNO-Cones! THANK GOD FOR THAT!

A Sno-cone saved my life! It has quite frankly been the only thing that i have managed to keep down today. Tropical and blue raspberry flavour. Snow. Perfect morning sickness cure. I ate it all with relief. But now it’s the only thing i want and can’t have it, due to the distinct lack of The Ice Cafe or whatever it’s called in my living room.

Shopped a bit, for pyjamas and a hot water bottle. Got back in the car. Suffered the tedious, ‘don’t be sick’ journey home, now in the rain and with shopping bags and new hair in my hand, i waved off my family and VOMITTED in my back garden, infront of my patio doors.

I’ve rested in comfies and puked all evening. Lovely!

So there you have it. For those of you who thought i went missing…i’ mjust puking. Wunna land is grand, however the ‘Wunna’ part of it, is ‘not so’ swag right now. 🙂

Be kind to one another…love you,

Chrissie x

ps/Promise to tell you all about the Baby thing and my lunch date later. Right now i am hugging a pink hot water bottle, that has Bambi on it, in a candle lit living room. Not for the ambiance. I’m puking ,i can’t be arsed with that (I never needed light more.) Yet simply because my chandelier has run out of working bulbs. Just my luck. So i’ sat here, pukey and in the dark. Hurrah! FFS. It’s like Cupid wanted me to experience romance for sick kicks, whilst i’m ill and alone. It doesn’t actually feel romantic, more like i can’t afford electricity. I feel like a slaggy, sick goblin. Ruby is about to get dropped off and what is SHE gonna think? She’ll think her mums gone NUTTY, sat in a candle lit dark, sick with a Bambi water bottle. Saying that i’m sure t runs in the family. My mum throws rocks at windows, instead of knocking. 🙂

1 thought on “Little Miss Puke Pants

  1. Awwww I totally remember being preggers with
    My youngest. Couldnt keep water down. Thank god for Diclectin! Worked amazingly!

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