Don’t do things by halves much

Well. Well.Welly. Where do I even begin? Firstly by telling you that i have had the most remarkable weekend with my gorgeous little girl. We’re really closely bonded right now and every inch of her delights me with a warm fuzzy glow. Together we’re all wiggles and winks and taking over the world with little oriental eyes and an ‘ooh’ face. She makes my entire world flourish with a gentle giddy madness of utterly pure love. That little girl has saved my life. I mean she changed a glittery, heeled, drunken gutter mess, filled with heartache and ‘look at me’ into a whole happy, newly found…well i’m gonna go with Goddess, because quite frankly if you’re a kitty cat and you can’t sail the title ‘Goddess’ above your head then you’re a failure.

Brilliant weekend. Friday a family meal at TGI’s, Castleford. Saturday filled with shopping, shopping, shopping. Felt wonderful, infact was bubbled over with joie de vivre.

Then in came a text from one of my chick friends reading, ‘Just so you know, you can’t trust Keiran. Two weeks ago he asked my friend for her number secretly & had been indiscreetly hitting on her, because he saw her on the telly for 2 seconds. Even she said, he has even just got married to that Chrissie Wunna and is hitting on me…as soon as i heard, i HAD to tell you. I can picture text you proof.’

Lovely!

Saturday night went kaplunk. However, i stood by my mummy duties and joyously continued to play with my darling Baby Rubes, tucked her in bed and then IMMEDIATELY sent the husband a text, explaining what i had found out. He initally denied it, until i pretty much told him the date it was sent, what i had read and to who. He had actually told me that he had had sexual relations with this girl ages ago before he met me once when we were at Kelly and Phils. Yet, when i asked him whether he believed it was okay for him to secretly ask girls he had sex with for their number, when he was married, he told me he never had sex with her and only said that because i was going on about someone i once bonked.

Anyway, he was getting into trouble for secretly inboxing her for her number, (he said he just wanted to wish her congratulations for being the telly, however my friend had assured me of the flirtiness involved in the texts and was willing to forward them all to me.) Plus, it was enough for the girl in question to feel like he was hitting on her, to tell my friend the story!

Bottom line, he tried to back and forth squiggle out of it, hitting brick walls in every direction. I’m extremely on the button, when interrogating men i’m dating and weirdly become incredibly precise, dazzled with a superior dry intelligence and simply because i can’t stand it when they try to wiggle out of it, or (as most men do when guilty) proceed to push the blame. He did both. Hr did the whole, ‘Well you do it.’ (No i don’t.)  What? So i have to tell you everything, i do??‘ (Yes, that’s actually very normal. Especially when he demands it from ME.) He tried to say sorry and make it all better. By this point i was over his bullshit. But i bizarrely didn’t even sad? I’m a highly emotional girl and if anything, a situation like this is one to bring tears to my kitty cat eyes. I think i felt so disrespected by him that it had completely changed the way i felt, thought and viewed him. He called me a ‘slag.’ I called him an ‘opportunist’ and an embarrassment.’ (He’s actually currently screaming at me whilst i’m writing this blog, because he doesn’t want everyone to know ‘his business.’ This isn’t ‘Keiranthompson.com.’

In my mind, if you’re a just married man, you don’t flirt with girls behind you new wife’s back, let alone ask for their number in secret, if you have previous boasted about having sex with them. I mean, think of all the times he’s worked away and think of all the girls he must talk to who he’s had sexual relations with, yet if i did that to him, he’d go ape! However, he peacefully kept telling me  that it was nothing. He just wanted to congratulate the girl about her Xfactor appearance and that he had lied about having sex with her.’

I didn’t sleep all night and was as stressed as a glamour puss could be. I sort of laid their next to my Baby Ruby, with Pluto, Mickey, Minnie and Donald, and thought.

He arrived home in the early hours of the morning after working in Manchester. In the morning, whilst i was doing my face he came upstairs all calm and happy, trying to put everything behind us, saying that nothing had happened and that i had just taken something and run with it. But still, i blanked him…then yelled at him. In my world, texting people you’ve had sex with, when you’re married, behind your partners back is hideous. Especially to the point, where the other person is then telling everyone that he’s doing it, when he’s JUST married me. How embarrasing! I mean, innocent or intentional, either way, you act that stupidly, when you’re in a position where people will talk.

I spent all of Sunday morning fuming and he after he did the ‘nice’ method of approach, he just got all mouthy and angry because i refused to back down. I didn’t even want him near me…and i hated every bit of him trying to ‘blame push’ and name call, it showed me a weakness to him, a side to him that he always exposes when he feels he’s in trouble.

I wasn’t overly upset because it weirdly didn’t bother half of me and i didn’t know why? Maybe i half believed him and half didn’t at all? Maybe i’ve been through things like this so many times with men that i sort of felt immune to it all. (The fact that he is so fuming that i am writing this blog makes me question his honourability. If you don’t want people to know, then don’t do it in the first place.) I was angry, but calm all at the same time and then something happened.

On that day i had planned to do something, that I needed to do and i was certainly very worried about. So i waited until Baby Ruby was taking her nap and when she fast asleep i sneakily ventured upstairs for some time alone, so i could do the thing that i had needed to do….

The first attempt…went wrong. (Typical. Lol. I’m always rubbish the first time around.)

The last attempt…sailed correctly.

I waited..waited and nervously waited some more…

and there it was….

I slowly walked downstairs, still calm and feeling very much together. I looked at him, as he was sat on the sofa, with Baby Ruby asleep by his side. I passed my second attempt over to him and in that moment…just like that our whole entire world changed.

I backed up and walked back through the living room door away from him and with a smile on my face. He looked at me with a giddy excitement of love and thundered forward to follow me upstairs, as he jumped around, overwhelmed with emotion.

From that moment on, none of the above drama mattered. It was like it had got washed away by life, into the past within seconds, as the present took over and thumped it’s way forward. I guess it just means the strength of what actually mattered to us, had overriden the negative. When that happened, i knew that we were going to be okay…because anytime we’re still able to ‘get back to fairytale’ within moments when we have to, means we’re still a team and while we are still a team, then really nothing has really broken us down, other than the tedious pettiness of yadda-yadda.

Ofcourse and quite annoyingly, i can’t tell you what happened…yet as always, we really don’t do thing by halves.

To be continued….

 

 

 

 

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