Happy Halloweeny

You can tell when a ‘handsome’ is on the look out for a wee bit of nookie, as you’ll often find him sauntering around your house naked and with his goolies out, at every given moment possible and whenever you seem to be in utter goolie eyeline. That’s the beauty of boys. At the same time as being transparent, they’re cute and funny. I mean, i find it adorable, tottering into my kitchen for a pot of green tea, and seeing goolies a dangling in the corner for my delight. Wait! Infact, that sounds a bit CSI. The goolies ARE attached to a happy, alive man, who just so happens to be rather delicious and not just randomly hanging alone from my kitchen corner. I’m not that kinky..especially by kitchen ware. I only like goolies that come attached to alive, happy,’ in love with me’ men, otherwise the goolies are pointless and really do need to squished back into a Playdoh ball and gently stuffed back into some Calvins.

Anyway, i’m feeling on top of the world this morning. The Autumn/Winter season is certainly here and i’m bizarrely loving every single minute of it kittens. I’m a wiggle, wink and a stiletto strut away from magic, in the crisp air of glory. I’ve successful managed an early morning, i’m not at all suffering from a delicious bundle of morning sickness, i’ve had cottage pie for breakfast 🙂 and dressed my glitzy child up at a stuffed pumpkin for nursery this morning, on a NON fancy dress day, in the name of Halloween.

Like i explained before, i’m not one to give a kahoonies Halloween. It’s far too cold for me to enjoy being a slutty witch for no real reason other than the end of October. I’m scary anyway…i can do ‘witch’ without the cold outfit, the going out on the razzle and in the warmth, on every day of the entire year. 🙂 I’ve never ever loved Halloween and even when i used to tremendously celebrate it in West Hollywood. I’d dress up as the sluttiest cave girl known to mankind EVERY YEAR and i would shimmie-shimmie- party it up, at the West Hollywod street carnivale until the early hours of the morning, with fireworks, fur boots, in the LA, dark, evening, heat  and with a giant, on fire, cocktail that was poured into a hugemongus pineapple with neon bendy straws. I never used to like it then. I used to just do it because, well for the sake of. Now i’m an old bird, there’s no ‘for the sake of’ anything. I’ve dressed Rubes up as a pumpkin, i’ve waved off the husband to work for the day (he’s doing a bit of extra work on Emmerdale today..we’ve been up since 6am) and i’m as happy as can be, still in my pyjamas…working.

Work wise. I’m deciding when the right time to promote my book is. I’ll do a bit for Christmas so you can all by one of a stocking filler or a friend, however i think i’ll wait until the dawn of new year, for obvious reasons for those who know. I’m doing the whole entertainment thingy, so that should go down nicely. I’m enjoying being a preggo-hontas at the same time as wiggling and next year i hope to be opening up my own beauty salon, and well this year sorting out my own and rather delightful lip gloss line! (I likey likey likey!!)

So today is all about doing work online and putting together the lip gloss ideas, so i can order my samples as soon as i possibly can. I’ve got quite a lot to catch up on and also need to remember to email wedding pics to all the right people.

I’m wanting a new car and i think we’re putting up the Christmas tree tonight! Wunna land is all ‘get lost’ Halloween, we’re so doing Crimbo now. Everything just seems to be new right now at home. We’re doing up the house and we’ve throwing everything out. We’re organizing business and keeping our hearts and fingers crossed…and i’m doing it all SOBER. #eww

I think, i’ve been set a mission of going through a toy box today and choosing what to throw out, so a Christmas tree can replace it’s existance. I’ll find that easy. I’ll only take me a second. All it is, is a look and a ‘throw all of that out now’ and we’re done! Yippeee. Roll of Crimbo!

The good thing about this Halloween is that i’m not lonely and i’m not on a random date, with a random boy, who i don’t even know if i like, whilst living in London, in my little crappy appartment, dressed as a slutty sparrow, waiting for him to arrive and take me to dinner, not knowing that he wouldn’t be in fancy dress. http://www.chrissiewunna.com/?p=5934 or http://www.chrissiewunna.com/?p=5926 for reference. (You do know that you can ALWAYS go through the chrissiewunna.com archives *look right* and see what i was doing this time 2 years ago. They’re fun because i was completely drunk, lost and outspoken back then, on dates, in London and terrifyingly blunt.)

I’m glad i’m finally whole, it really does make me happy. Lol. I made it, to the sunny side! Yippeeee! I’m home and chipper and warm, with a family and in love, with a great career on perch. I adore a dates, however now only with the man that i selected to be my ‘forever,’ which makes dates so much more fun and so much more rewarding.

Life is good. Now buy my book for your stocking this Christmas….look right and click on Amazon. Or click this link and BUY BUY BUY! 🙂 http://www.amazon.co.uk/Diaries-Glamour-Model-Chrissie-Wunna/dp/095719420X

Love you loads!

Have a Happy Halloween, from Chrissiewunna.com. Have a Tia Maria and totally think of us!

ps/ A guy on Facebook, who i don’t know, but he goes  by the name of ”Guy Baker,’ has just sent me a message reading ‘Do you like a big man? x‘  As flattered as i am to have a little fanbase, i always wonder why men choose opening sentences of that sort? I’m now having to log out of my old Facebook, simply because once one message starts, they all seem to pour in because they can see i’m on line. I think i’ll just let Wazza sort it. 🙂 Some chick is now telling me i’m a beauty and asking me if i ‘like girls.’ *Yawn*

‘T’ is for Tuxedo’s

We are Tuxedo renting and a decorating here in Wunna Land today. All is a chipper and filled with a spirit of lurve, as every member of ‘Team Wunna’ is nestled in with a cheeky, joy of warmth and a sense of family fairytale. I’m feeling loved. I’m feeling IN love and life couldn’t be that much better, if you were to strip away the diamantes from my glitzy world of ‘ooh’ to simply see what you had left.

I will however tell you, that alongside the fairytale, I am currently having major toilet troubles. I am as constipated as can be and boy it is sooo not fun. I’ve been like this for a week now and i’ve had beings massage my feet, ply me with apple juice, rub my belly and even just hope for the best. But now joy. Lots of my week has been spent on the loo, with my little kitten fingers crossed hoping for a victory. Infact, i’m currently having a flashback of being sat in the disabled loo of a Chinese restuarant in Doncaster, with Christmas carols playing in the background, an updo upon my head, i’m humming, with my leggings down by my ankles and i’m attempting to do a ‘number 2’…which quite simply doesn’t want to play. Not fun…and especially when you think there’s fairylights around you.

But yes, today has been a great day of love and warmth. Everything has got back to normal and after a happy weekend with the people i love, with a shimmie shake of good friends, who can cook and have heart beat listening machines. Life has perked up a treat. (I will say however, that it was a bit dodgy when a drunk Dr.Phil was coming at me, with a ‘heart beat listening’ machine, with a Carlsberg in his hand and a smile. I felt like i was  in a back street quacks office. Yet it was hilarious and just really good to see little Kelly, who i haven’t managed to see in ages.

This morning, i woke up wrapped around a ‘handsome’ who was not only very naked, but filled with warm blood. *Wiggle-wink.* Nothing is better than waking up that way to me, other than waking up to the eyes of my little Baby Ruby, who eagerly wants to get the day a started. Like i said yesterday, i’m feeling very well looked after right now and there’s nothing quite like it. It’s my favourite. However, i will tell you that in life, i’ve always found it really difficult to let men ‘look after’ me, as i’ve never wanted to surrender to them, or i’ve felt that i never truely wanted to and i would be burdening them. Now that i’n preggo, 31, married and in love, i’m LOVING IT. 🙂 I will always admit to a very bumpy ride, but right now and forever, it’s all simply perfect and i think that in order for things to be perfect, you kind of just have to keep it simple. When you just lovbe and get on with it, life smiles back at you and glitter sprinkles you.

So today has been an early started, a trip to the car dealership, followed by a bit of tuxedo renting, followed by warm yummy seasonal coffee’s with cake at Starbucks during the ‘ooh’ of Autumn. You know it’s almost the good Christmas season when it comes to tuxedo renting time. My arm candy was moon walking with excitement and glee in the gentlemans attire store and simply because he couldn’t wait for good times to come. Then he stopped dancing when the actual price of tuxedo renting *pinged* up n the screen. 🙂 The cost of simply renting the outfit is more than the cost of the ticket and dinner of the event that we will be going to. But whatever, it’s great and Wunna land is always a world filled with glamour and wonder…and weirdly at the same time as being dead normal. It swings from one end to the other….quickly.

However, yes we have lots of dinners and do’s to go to this season and i think we’re really excited. I’m looking forward to Christmas and enjoying every part of being a mummy and a wifey. Being alcohol free has actually made me so much happier and feel so much more alive? Maybe i was a function ‘holic, yet could never ever admit it?? Yet now i’m not, so i’m delighted and giggly with a cheeky wink of ‘yeah baby.’

My hubby is ever excited about life and equipped with a libido that is far too raging for any girl to handle. I’m hiding in corners, incase his willy finds me. He’s currently painting in a go carting outfit that i stole from Pole Position in Leeds. We’re doing the house up for Christmas and decorating, as Rubes finally gets her own ‘big girl’ room, that she may use as her own little playground of utter girlie delight. (I’ve had to buy her a big girls Hello Kitty bed to make her happy and it honestly feels LOVELY. She’s having a lemon coloured room and well i think we are more excited about it than her.) Things have moved so fast in Wunna land and life has changed ( for the better) rapidly. I really do feel overjoyed right now and because i feel loved. I’m just a girl who always wants to feel adored and like I said, right now, i do. I’m having one of those moments in life, when you look at the person tottering around your home that you’ve chosen to be with and you’re really glad you chose that person. Nothing makes you feel more secure than that and it can only get better from that point on.

So as you can see, life is quite wonderful. I’m still plotting cunning plans for success and thorughly enjoying throwing things out. You should all throw a box of things out this week, that you never ever use. It really is theraputic. Well i’m a sucker for it and need reining in, when it comes to the ‘throwing out.’ I mean, most people i now aren’t even remotely, yet I even shock THEM with my bizarre ability to throw junk out. I do it all the time mentally. I’m never one to ponder over exes and past negative times, or keep bad people in my life, or bad environments. I can easily cut people and things out of my world with a wiggle. Mentally, i spew out my life every day via a blog, don’t I. That’s a way of ridding myself of emotional mind litter, so i’m good at that also! I don’t have a mental closet of dusty past regrets, or a mind cupboard of boys i used to date, filled with useless memories. I’m a girl that lives in the present and looks forward to the future. I treasure all positive past memories and celebrate them whenever i can!

The rest of this year, aside from odd bits of work is  really just about calming down for Crimbo and enjoying being pregnant.

Hope you are well and Kittens…i love you dearly.

Thank you for following my life.

ps, I’ve decided i’m an ace mum and simply because tomorrow i will be sending Ruby to nursery dressed as a pumpkin. It’s not even a Halloweeny fancy dress day at nursery. I just love her as a pumpkin and therefore being the great mother that i am, figured it would be funny. 🙂 In the words of my own daughter ‘Poor Ruuuubby.’ 🙂

 

Love, De-cluttering & Magic

Feeling like i want to make cupcakes, which is odd, as i’m not a girl who would ever want to make cupcakes and simply because baking is not my forte. I try not to do things that i’m not good at. Some might see that as bad. But i see it as clever. I want applause and to be worshipped. You don’t get that via being rubbish at something. (Well some people do. Yet being a girl, who will quite promptly receive ‘hate mail’ even for doing something great like charity, means i’d rather not risk it. )  In school, i did score an A* in Home Economics, meaning that if i could be bothered to bake, i’d be able to. Yet there is the key to success..you have to be bothered. If there’s no passion, then you’re fighting a losing battle. I thought i wanted to make cupcakes, not at all thinking that i would ever follow through with it. (As soon as i get to the supermarket to purchase the exciting ingredients, i’d just see pre-baked cupcakes packed and stacked on the shelves and buy them instead. What can i say? I’m a convenience girl. The idea of it takes my mind on an adventure. Yet the reality of it…puzzles me.) I’d probably find it easier to hunt down a Baker and marry him, to ensure a lifetime of cupcake joy, than actually buy the ingredients and make them myself. WEIRDLY, Wazza (who runs and manages this site and my  Cyber land existance) would be truly tremendous at baking cupcakes, as he’s become a really amazing cook in his old age and i only say ‘weirdly’ simply because he spent his entire time burning things and creating Home Economic diasters at school. Everything he made, be it a stir fry, curry or creamy cake, was made with bananas.

Bottom line..don’t know whether i’ll make cupcakes, as i only want to make them because i feel like i’m not doing anything for Halloween and being a mum, you sort of feel like you need to conjour up some magic for every little bit of holiday, even if your baby is only 1 years old. I haven’t even carved pumpkins or anything, to celebrate the dawn of this years spook-fest. I’m not even swanning around in fancy dress, because preggoness has got the better of me and made me feel lethargic. I can’t even do my hair without moaning a little. I think it’s really not down to laziness…and a lot of me is always down to laziness. Yet more because i’m not one to care or have ever cared about Halloween and that reason is simply because i want it to hurry up and get to CHRISTMAS. (Which if you didn’t know is my absolute favourite time of year. The warmth, the excitement, the ‘oooooh.’)

Anyway, i will tell you that i’ve actually had the most lovingly glorious week here in Wunna land. Yeah, i’ve been a bit sicky. Yet i have been thoroughly and utterly loved, cared for, helped and looked after this last week and it’s really made a difference. I’ve also enjoyed lovely morning breakfasts out, with the ‘arm candy’ and little cosy lunches where you enjoy life by a fireplace and remember the memories over steak and salad. Everything is perfect and fairytale again, which simply makes me feel at ease, as nothing is worse than being preggo and feeling stressed or ‘half full.’

I am currently very whole and feeling aptly adored and i’m realizing that things in life, when you have a family, really does take TWO people. You need that balance in order to make it all work, without losing your mind. (My mind is all i have left. I mean i left my diginity and my soul with the Devil a few years back.) When you find that balance and TWO, then you really can overcome everything. Having a beautiful one year old, and being pregnant, whilst being a new wife and trying to juggle and carve a career in entertainment all at the same time is not easy. Yet when everyone ‘mucks in’ it’s the simpliest thing in the world and the only thing that matters, as it gives you that slice of much needed happiness.

I’m lucky to have a great deal of help. I have a lot of support at home and a lot of love holding me up, from my actual friends and family and well you lot. I know feel really strong to the point where all the adoration now completely out weighs any negative. It sort of all gets *boom blasted* away with wiggles and swag.

Anyway, the rest of the day has been given away to de-cluttering. We’re doing out the house for Christmas, so having a mighty clear out. I’m actually really good at the throwing out of things. I’ve spent my entire life chucking things out of my life, be they bad habits, clutter, other peoples stuff or…boys. 🙂 I’ve packed pointed and given the ‘chuck that out’ signal to almost everything. So today will be a breeze.

C-ya Dolls. Be sexy.

FYI/ It’s 57 days til Christmas.

Ooh Baby Baby…

Annnnd…i’m back, equipped with my ‘va voom,’ totally free from preggo pukiness and ready to wiggle my way to good old victory. Yeah, yeah, Hollywood….baby-b’boo. (Pointless mouthful for you, before 10am. Might seem foolish, yet i’m sure a great deal of you endured a lot worse of a ‘pointless mouthful’ this freezing cold, ‘snowed for a bit’ weekend.

I’m feeling happy and when i’m happy, the world is my playground. AND get this, i’m happy and STILL completely teeeeee-total. Who’da thought that such a thing would be physically possible. But yes, i’m a champion and a much better person than i actually ever thought. You really should be worshipping me, or something. (Who’s throwing eggs?’) As you can see life is good when you’re not sick. Or maybe it’s the fact that when you’re sick you realize how helpless you are and find a healthy day a great deal more precious than ever before. However, i’ll shut up now and get to telling you about my past. You’ll like it…i tell you all the time.

Okay, so DRUNKS love me. I don’t know why? I don’t know how? But they do. Infact, no, not just drunks…but all misfits…all those feeling lost in a party blur or on a downward elevator to ‘Rock bottom,’ fast. If there is ever a friend, who is being a drunk, or a druggie, or a being drowning their sorrows via the art of foolish McParty….their one phone call, during the midst of their fall, (like when they are properly fucked) is to me.

Now, i don’t know whether people feel comforted by me, when they’re doing something bad, because i’ve been hailed as one of the most non judgmental people you will ever know..and we all know i’ve been there. I’ve been a twat most of my 20’s…(hang on, someone’s trying to show me a video of their bungee jump- revert to previous blog.)

Sorry, i’m back. But yeah anyway…now i’m old, i’m way more judgemental, because i’m all grown up now and have stopped being foolish. Meaning, i’m actually a really bad person for a ‘partier’ to call, during their ‘moment’ of destruction. I was laid in bed, with my Baby Rubes, and my phone began ringing. I answered incase the caller was in actual trouble. But now, the caller was just off their face and wanting to ‘talk.’ Now, i’m 31 i have no time for such a call. Lol. I don’t even try to listen or pretend to like it. My world was peaceful and filled with utter harmony and i felt as though the other end of the phone was in some ‘hell’ like situation of ‘blur’ and trying to bring me into their mess. So after a few ‘yeah yeah’s’..and then them trying to begin a pointless fight with me…i hung up and put my phone on silent. 🙂 I’m good like that. That night and the next day, i had almost 22 missed calls and texts in total from that poor being, who just felt what they called ‘lost’ via voicemail, but i call ‘fucked.’ Wunna land got back to ‘peaceful’ and we all lived happily ever after. Hurrah. Cups of tea for everyone. That morning, Ruby and I had to wake up at 5am, to get her to her ‘Baby of the year’ final. Neither of us are keen on an early morning….and neither of us are keen on drunk phone calls at 1.29am, when you have a 5am alarm set. Ouchy. Moral of the story, for those of you who are off your face, out and having fun, who think of me, out of joy. I am truely grateful. However you can really just text me and i won’t reply. 🙂 For those of you who are out and lost, and not realy in any trouble. I’m way judgemental now, so i’m your worst call, if i have a 5am wake up call. 🙂 Learn it. *Wiggle-wink* (Even if you’re only calling to tell me that you love me.) I prefer a TEXT.

Okay, so that Baby thing. As you know, Ruby was in the final of the ‘Baby Model of the Year’ competition and we had to travel all the way  Norwich to go compete for her title. She got into the final, but didn’t win. However, we weren’t at all disappointed with the result, i mean, she’s ONE, yet i did learn a very big lesson and that is that one year olds, should NEVER be woken up by their mothers at 5am in the morning, and driven on a 3 hour journey to compete, smile, and pout for a camera and a panel, EVER! Lesson learnt.

Even though she performed well, and was her utterly charming self, she hated every minute of it. I mean, at first she thought she was at a childrens party, that began with a blond one year old. snatching a book off her. 🙂 However, as the day sank in, she realized that this was not going to be fun anymore. All the mums and families were in a marquee attached to a hotel, with studio sets up in various corners, there was a magician, toys and a giant Peppa pig for entertainment, yet nothing really catered for babies.

The place was filled with showbizzy mums, normal mums and hoards and hoards of kiddies in pretty dresses, being groomed and primped for their moment. Every single ‘Wunna’ had managed to get up at 5 am to get there to support Baby Ruby. (I love that about my family, no matter what we’re there for one another, through thick and thin. Through heart attacks and baby modelling comps. 🙂 ) But yes, i already didn’t love it. However, Ruby seemed chipper. She was already in her dress and crawling all over the floor, giggling with excitement. We were meant to take our babies to each studio set to have a set of photos taken to be judged.

Okay firstly, all i know is that Babies, children and even adults at times, do not like waiting in queues. Holy innappropriateness. All the mums where stood at each set, in long lines and with angry irriated babies, screaming and trying to wiggle back to the toy corner for ages. It was AWFUL. There were mums who were grooming and mouthing words at their one year olds and mums that just really wanted their kiddie winkle to do well.

Ruby got to her first set, after waiting for 20 minutes all angry and irritated, i plonked her by the sofa, where she was asked to pose and look adoring and she SCREAMED her head off, in a ‘DIVA’ and wanted to go back into the other room where it was cooler and not so sweaty. (The room was BOILING.) All the mums where glaring at me, with dodgy eyes and had been doing that ‘Hilton-Hilton’ whisper thing all morning to one another. Yet instead of forcing her to sit, smile and be a showbizzy gem, i looked at the photographer and within a second said, ‘she doesn’t want to do it, we’ll come back later, she wants to play.’

She played and loved the moments where she wasn’t being forced to do anything and eventually managed to get all her pictures done. There was no food for kiddies, long waits, too much heat and pushy mums and i just felt so bad for her, that i almost wanted to leave.

Hours and i mean hours went by ans she was starving. All the kids were, yet their mums were still hair spraying them and glittering them down. Each child had to adorn 3 outfits, a casual one, a fancy dress and an evening party dress. Then they would be judged and finally get to go home. Ruby actually aced all that, yet i looked in her eyes and could just see that the excitement had been drained from her.

Six hours of this finally passed and my little girl just wanted a nap. I skipped out on the judging to give her a cuddle and a sleep. Bless her. As soon as we left the building her heart lit up with joy and she skipped all the way to the car, That’s how much she wanted out of there. So in true Wunna style we spoiled her, to make her feel better and well to make us feel better. I felt awful for putting her through that, so i felt that i needed to buy her affection out of guilt. (This happens when you’re a mum.)

In the car home she giggled and snag and popped out of her shell with utter happiness. We gifted her with toys, and sang to her. She wanted a McDonalds, she wanted love and good times. I had never seen her so happy to be literally out of a place before, that i vowed never ever to put her through that again. Yeah she’s cute. Yeah she can be a baby model. When you go to an agency or an audition, you’re in there 10 minutes max and if they book the job, the entire production is catered for you bambino. A loong day of waiting, no food and pageant primping in nothing like what it’s actually like in the real world and not at all for my little loin fruit, in my mind.  But i learnt my little lesson and well i guess you do, don’t you. I don’t know how the other mums could do it? Maybe it’s their own passion, or their own dreams of stardom that make them push their little babies into it? I always thought i would be that way…but i surprised myself. I’m not at all. Yipppeeee!!!!

Next blog later today…need to pop out and errand run.

Lots to tell you about the good old love life…;)

 

 

Little Miss Puke Pants

OMG! Good evening! So sorry it’s been ages, (well a couple days, however in a bloggers world that is quite simply a decade) but i have been sooo deliciously, super dooper sick, that i haven’t been able to blog today. I wanted and well needed to tell you all about Ruby’s ‘Baby comp’ (oh the joys…*sarcasm here* yet that will come,) and I also wanted to tell you about my lunches by fireplaces and morning moments of love. Then i wanted to inform you about drunk people and who they decided to call once fucked. (I swear i’m honestly like the ‘Ghostbusters’ call for all drunks and druggies, when they’re out, about and spiraling down the plug hole of life and all of it, whilst i’m glamourously tucked up in my little sober bed attempting to count sheep, with my little slanty eyes.

Unfortunately, i am regrettably unable to tell you ALL about that hunka chunka life, as of right now and simply because today, was the day the Good (annoying) Lord, decided to wake me up from my little stain sheets and slap a giant white gummy sticker on my head reading ‘PUKE HERE.’

OMG! Am i ill!!! I am sooo ill! And in my darling illest state, i felt that i needed to fit in a quickie 😉 and squeeze out a blog, simply to inform you of my recent accidental ‘Houdini.’ (If you have no clue as to what i’m on about…look it up, Google it, ask a friend. I can’t be arsed to me explainy. School is cool folks. 🙂 )

To begin with i had ZERO sleep. The little fruit of my loins is now deciding to SCREAM in the middle of her dream time. Maybe to keep it Halloweeny? Or simply because, well i don’t know what’s making her scream, but she certainly needs mummy during it. Fun! Love having 2 hours sleep, when pregnant. *Bring out the rum.* OH WAIT, I CAN’T BECAUSE I’M NOW TEE-TOTAL. *Applaud here- I need fucking encouragment.*

Everything in Wunna land is pretty perfect right now. It could always be better, but it has been much better this week, than it has in a couple weeks and it’s felt really good, but annoying at the same time, because i’m ILL.

As soon as i woke up this morning. I puked. I’ve literally PUKED 14 times today, the last time being 3 minutes before this blog. (It was green Haribo, that i puked out.) ALL DAY, i have done nothing but be pukey. It’s gross. I feel terrible. Pregnancy obviously rocks.

I puked down the loo twice. Puked upon MYSELF in the shower, ONCE. Then moved it along, whilst naked and barfed in the upstairs loo, like a champion. Tried to eat an orange. Puked that out. Vomitted again. Waited for my mum to arrive, whilst i laid in bed, fully dressed DYING of illness. (I enjoyed the fact that my Mother decided to grab my attention by THROWING A ROCK at my bedroom window. 🙂 I mean, JEEZE, you can take a girl out of Burma, but you can’t….:) Love you mum.)

I placed on my beige faux fur and puked once more for luck i guess. I couldn’t hold anything down and even the smell of anything was making me gip.

Went on a long car journey to Doncaster with The Wunna’s, to run a  few errands, deposit money and buy hair extensions. If ill, always glam up. I makes you look like Disney villian, rather than a mess. Vomitted in my mums black Mercedes. 🙂 Then puked in a plastic bag, once parked up.

I then weirdly managed to refrain from puking for an entire hour and attempted to drink a diet coke. Yeah, not fun. Made me queezy. Everything made me queezy. The smell of B.O, noodles, perfume, walking, everything. I will tell you that nothing is worse than being in public and trying to not vomit to save face. I’m not a save facer. I’ll do anything i need to do, whenever i need to do it. So today, i found it difficult. Chilled with my mum, bought hair, did banking, got made fun of on Twitter, then FINALLY got saved by some Ice cafe, that was selling SNO-Cones! THANK GOD FOR THAT!

A Sno-cone saved my life! It has quite frankly been the only thing that i have managed to keep down today. Tropical and blue raspberry flavour. Snow. Perfect morning sickness cure. I ate it all with relief. But now it’s the only thing i want and can’t have it, due to the distinct lack of The Ice Cafe or whatever it’s called in my living room.

Shopped a bit, for pyjamas and a hot water bottle. Got back in the car. Suffered the tedious, ‘don’t be sick’ journey home, now in the rain and with shopping bags and new hair in my hand, i waved off my family and VOMITTED in my back garden, infront of my patio doors.

I’ve rested in comfies and puked all evening. Lovely!

So there you have it. For those of you who thought i went missing…i’ mjust puking. Wunna land is grand, however the ‘Wunna’ part of it, is ‘not so’ swag right now. 🙂

Be kind to one another…love you,

Chrissie x

ps/Promise to tell you all about the Baby thing and my lunch date later. Right now i am hugging a pink hot water bottle, that has Bambi on it, in a candle lit living room. Not for the ambiance. I’m puking ,i can’t be arsed with that (I never needed light more.) Yet simply because my chandelier has run out of working bulbs. Just my luck. So i’ sat here, pukey and in the dark. Hurrah! FFS. It’s like Cupid wanted me to experience romance for sick kicks, whilst i’m ill and alone. It doesn’t actually feel romantic, more like i can’t afford electricity. I feel like a slaggy, sick goblin. Ruby is about to get dropped off and what is SHE gonna think? She’ll think her mums gone NUTTY, sat in a candle lit dark, sick with a Bambi water bottle. Saying that i’m sure t runs in the family. My mum throws rocks at windows, instead of knocking. 🙂

My Supermarket Hero

Good morning, well almost afternoony, my little gorgeous balls of ‘hot stuff.’ I’m feeling fresh, alive and confident today and because i’ve not only have i enjoyed a highly productive weekend, but alongside snagging myself a bit of a new job and spending the most wonderful time with my delicious Baby Ruby, (which means the world to her, which polished my karma belt ff with a *wink*…hello Mummy of the year) but i ALSO do not look like the ‘state’ that i have upon my sofa right now. Nothing makes you feel better than having a complete ‘state’ on your sofa, to remind you how sensible you’ve been in comparison and therefore how much better you are doing in your week already, than ‘the state.’ 🙂 I mean, for crying out loud, it’s MONDAY. If you are still ill from your weekend at lunchtime Monday morning, then you simply can’t handle ‘the party.’ In my mind the only way ‘party animal-ing’ is okay,is  if you have no responsiblities, like a family, a child, a life,or a job…and if you do, you ‘party’ and STILL get up in the morning and tend to your duties on top form…even if you feel like shit. However, for now, i don’t care, because having a state on my sofa is actually making me feel so much better about myself. #pullyourselftogether Plus, it also keeps trying to make me feel sorry for it, because it’s been puking…which is all the more hilarious. Erm, you’re not dying of cancer. You got fucked up at the weekend and now you’re ill. #nopitypartyfromme Being Tee-Total, never felt so good. (For those of you who are also in a state on a Monday morning. Firstly you should be ashamed of yourselves 🙂 and secondly, if you’ve done the shame thing….it’s sad that you’re actually wasting precious days of your life actually recovering from something so pointless. They are days that actual sick people wished they had.) However, if you are a ‘state’ do feel free to hang around people, who aren’t at all feeling as shit as you, because it really does make them feel good about themselves. 🙂

Okay, back to me,t he glitzy Queen of Kitten love. (Who isn’t a ‘state’ and feeling delicious.) Saturday was amazing. A day that I completely dedicated to being a mummy. I’m always a mummy, yet when you have a day out of ‘just you and baby’ if really does make you’r world complete and dollies that is just what Rubes and I did. I wheeled her to a garden centre to go look at Christmas decorations. As soon as we got there, her little face lit up with absolute delight, as she looked up at me, all wide eyed and excited pleading to be able to leap out of her buggy and go an a massive Christmasy rampage. Within a second, she was in and out of everything, with all crowds around her an ‘oohing.’ She was wrapped in tinsel, playing with Christmas Ferris Wheels, weaving in and out of beautifully lit Christmas Trees and giggling at the top of her voice at all that was going on around her. Everything was ‘C’mon Mummy! C’MON!!’ And with a little *squeak.* I bought her all sorts from a monkey to a random Christmas bauble and a Born to shop’ torch? Lord knows?? I do always say it, but it really is those moments that matter. Those moments that you joyfully remember during your times of withering away. At the end of the madness, she cuddled my legs, worn out, but smiling and without being prompted said ‘Love you’ and then weirdly asked for ‘meat.’

Straight after that i had to take her to the supermarket. I hate supermarket shopping with a passion and well when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go. However, i guess the plan is to maybe NOT get your little one super excited before hand. Ruby had her own shopping trolley to pull around. Which we both loved. She enjoyed every moment of it and politely and quite obediently weaved around the appropriate isles that we’re requested of her, with her trolley and shopped. Know that at this point, i was pushing around a giant buggy, filled with Christmas shopping, i’m pregnant and i have my own supermarket shopping basket and one year old with a her own baby sized pull trolley and NO HELP.

Yeah..after 15 minutes of absolute perfectness…it got messy. Real messy.

Long story short, it ends in mayhem and crying and tantrums and everything everywhere. I was in an updo and eyelashes calming and cuddling my loin fruit who was devastated at the fact that she couldn’t eat all the chocolate in all of the land. I looked nutty. Yet happy. Weird combination. However, in my moment of panic, (panic only begins when the tantrum gets so large that there are now people watching whilst they wait in line…i was at that stage, with the  buggy, the Christmas stuff, the boobs, the shopping, 2 trolleys, pregnant and a one year old and zero help, came a man…a beautiful man. (Any man who saves the day i regards as beautiful and because they came in and did a caring ‘man’ thing that men very rarely do.)

Anyway, he was tall, he was older, stylish, and posh. He had dark, dark hair and a mystery about him. I had passed him through the isles a few times as i shopped. Okay, so as Wunna land is swilling downward in a Christmassy, supermarket panic, this gentleman, places down his shopping, walks out of the queue, slowly walks over and starts helping me. My stuff was EVERYWHERE, literally everywhere and Ruby had now decided to lay on her tummy in the middle of the supermarket floor crying.

So, this gentleman, saunters up, warmly smiles at me and with a calm hand to my back, assures me that he was here to help and begins to gather up my shopping and placing it on the self checkout counter, for me, scanning my goods, whilst i look after Ruby. HOW AMAZING and just because he’s a good guy. He was like a superhero, but in a long grey business man’s coats. I immediately felt calm by him and comforted. He had a ‘Daddy’ glow about him and due to having such a wonderful father, i always love the quiet, calming, sensible men. I feel automatically ‘wooed’ by them and safe. He wasn’t an abnoxious, loud, tanned party boy. He was a sophisticated man, who knew what he was doing in life. That always calms good women. We don’t look for instability. Unstable men don’t make good husbands, fathers or life partners. They’re lost. Women dont want to have to look after a boy. We want a man to take care of us, who we can rely on.

Okay, so I tend to Ruby quickly as possible, as i’m now feeling bad that he’s helping and i keep apologising to him the entire time. He just calmly looks at me, smiles and tells me it’s not a problem, that he wanted to help me and that the world was right again. Lol. By this point, every woman at the cashier/checkout was looking at their partner like they were an absolute waste of space. I love guys who show other guys up. This guy was like a random, out of nowhere, posh, stylist, supermarket, angel!!! I think i might have even imaged a cape.

So, i eventually get to the checkout, like a damsel in distress buy much calmer. I had totally lost my ‘va voom,’ but it weirdly worked for me. Probably because i looked  grateful.But anyhow, men like that don’t they. It makes them feel macho. He’s pretty much done everything and i insist on scanning my last few items. He gave me that right, out of respect. (I like that. It means he’s not controlling.) However, then says, ‘what else do you need to get done before leaving?’ As he places my packed goods under the the buggy!!! Every supermarket needs one of him. I did tell him that, and he replied with a smile and  told me that he was actually a ‘banker’ and that his skills would be rubbish in a supermarket.

Anyway, we get talking and i’m thanking me repeatedly like an idiot, in a beige faux fur, whilst trying to place Ruby in the buggy with a bottle. (Of milk, not rum. 🙂 ) And i just i tell him that i’m fine. Infact i actually said, ‘Thank you so much sir, i mean, i can’t thank you enough, I feel really bad. But i’m all good nwo i think, i’m just going to get the baby sorted, buy a lottery ticket and then i’m going home. But thank you, thank you…..’

So, whilst Ruby is calming down and i’m finally managing to place and belt her into her giant buggy for ‘nap time.’ He tells me to ‘hang on’ and sort of swiftly runs/glides over to the kiosk, (i had no idea what he was doing,) he buys me two ‘lucky dips’ on the lottery and returns with them in his hand, and passes the ticket to me, with a ‘there you go,’ don’t worry, you’re worth it, i just wanted to help.’ Then just like that he goes back to his own goods and rewaits in the queue.

I swear…i’m speechless. What a good good man!!! I even mulled through it in my head. Is it because he’s older? Is it because he’s successful? Is it because he’s lonely? Is it because he’s just a decent human being? Is it because he’s been raised well? Is it because he’s confident? Or is it just because he’s stylish and wanted to flaunt his outfit at crowds, whilst do gooding? 🙂

So what i’m going to say to you Ladies, is that i did look and he WASN’T MARRIED. (We’re women we look. I explained that to a guy the other night, who thought women see married men as a pulling challenge. Exact opposite. Women expect men to already be dirt bags, so if they hit on a married man, or married man is looking at them suggestively for attention, or even hitting on them, they play along, just so they can tell everyone they know what a dirt bag he actually is, stamping the fact that men are dogs to all woman kind. It then lessens the worth of the man in question, so the women can then go ‘he might have a wife, but he’s an absolutely dog.’ Making them feel better than both him and his wifey. Simples. )

Anyway, back to my supermarket hero. No ring. Meaning that he is out there in this world somewhere (I know Emily, get super excited 🙂 ) and is perfect husband material and if there is one like him, then that must mean there actually are lots like him, waiting to be discovered. I mean, he didn’t even try and hit on me for anything. He literally just helped. Awwwww…..

I’ll have to write about the other stuff i had to tell you, in the next blog later, as it seems that those 15 minutes of help managed to make a big impact on my mind this morning.

It’s the small things that make a difference. Now, i’m off to lunch. Cya x

Blogging later on about Rubys little comp.

 

 

 

Never play with fire…

A body in motion stays in motion and my body is certainly not willing to attempt such a task at the minute. For the last couple of days i’ve felt wretched, exhausted and like the ‘P’ for ‘party’ has been completely sucked out of me and with 102 bendy straws. My heads a mush and my wiggle has taken a wander, as i lay on my sofa, strapped under my stain cocoon, snacking, telly watching and hoping to feel better. I mean, i couldn’t even find it in me to blog yesterday and even worse, i actually spent minutes of my life turning a pear into ET, with my mouth!! I’m meant to be the Ultimate Glamour Puss, hair-tossing through sequinned champagne nights. I’m now squashed in my own comfort, in a jumper and leggings, feeling queezy and like i can’t possibly find it in myself to do anything, other than being exhausted, snacking on marshmellows and well..turning pears into ET. Anytime you’ve looked at your eaten pear and beenso  impressed at the fact that it resembles an alien, you know you’re in trouble. I spent all of yesterday laid on a sofa, acheing and chatting and nibbling away at little Haribo’s. I even managed to nap, whilst being cuddled by arm candy on the sofa. Even ‘arm candy’ didn’t make me feel too much better. I’m just in a giant preggo haze. I did get called ‘Frigid’ though, which always puts a smile on my face. I’m fond of being called ‘frigid’ due to a time in chemistry many moons ago, which brings laughter to my soul. However, i don’t want to emphasize how much i enjoy the word, simply because all you boys’ll start calling me it and inboxing me frantically, in order to make me feel happy. Although the intention of it all is good…i tend not to reply to a male inbox and simply because no matter what, after the first few lines of banter, they always seem to turn it into something sexual or an opportunity to ask me out on a date. I must know the size of almost 100 mens willy sizes on Facebook and simply because they feel it’s romantic to tell me that bit of information BEFORE they tell me anything else. Some might add a ‘you’re beautiful’ infront of it, however, a ‘You’re beautiful. My dick is 9 1/4 inches long,’ doesn’t have the same ring to it. 🙂 I mean, i’m a mum and have another one on the way. That’s not kinky. What is wrong with some men and their untamed minds??

Anyway, on the whole life is good. I’ve had my moan and even though i’m feeling ill and not used to it, simply because my first pregnancy was nothing like this. I was never sick. I was all happy, chipper and *strut-strut.* I’ll snap out of it soon, i hope, i think? God knows? But i have another month of feeling fuzzy. (Went to see the midwife the other day and my bambino is estimated to pop out on June 4th.) I AM KNACKERED.

The good thing is that it seems my chick friends are all finding lovely men in their lives right now. They are being taken to beautiful dinners, with romantic settings and being treated to little Princess treats, due to the boy wanting to impress them. I love it and i feel like i’ve taught them well. Y’know…like how a girl should expect to be treated and what the boys should be doing to impress us Ladies, because at the end of the day they are meant to be the hunters and the wooers. I’m so sick of boys, especially emotionally young boys treating women poorly and pushing the blame on woman kind. We are the objects of their affection and should be treated in that way at all times. I’m always one to stand up for myself and always been one to fearlessly state how i believe things should be and well i’m glad that some of you ladies are now being brave too. I get a lot of messages from women who tell me all about their relationships and how they feel i’ve liberated them. Now, i’m not sure how i’ve at all managed to  do that, but i’m certainly flattered and extremely glad that i have. Behind every great man is an even greater woman and some men aren’t lucky to have a great woman behind them. But as long as you KNOW you are great and for all the right reasons, you’ll glow with a radiance so beautiful and so strong that you will be the most attractive chica on the block.

Talking about messages, i once got a message from a young teenage girl, i think she was 15 or 16? And she had written to me, telling me that she felt lost, that  my blog had made her feel strong and that she felt like she was suffering because her mum needed help, as she was a druggie and an alcoholic. At the same time HER MUM, who had been reading my blog, also wrote to me saying that she felt lost and like she was failing as a mother and because she had a teenage daughter, who was being put as a 2nd priority due to drinking and drugs. She was apparently writing to me from her bathroom floor, where she has just been sick.

It’s crazy the kinds of things that come my way, but it make me feels good to maybe try and help, or really just listen, well accidentally inspire without doing anything,  but telling the story of my life. (Zac Efron is on my telly telling Ellen DeGeneres that dinner as a first date makes him feel awkward and uncomfortable and that he likes a more adventurous first date. Now, i ADORE Zac Efron, but it’s kinda put me off him a bit. I’m not keen on ‘adventure’ boys. You know what i mean, the boys that like to swing around at assault courses, or adrenline junkies, or those you do upside downy things on motorbikes, or bungee jumps. I find it unattractive, and i don’t know why? Maybe because it goes against everything that i am? 🙂 I love luxury, love, romance and the champagne comfort of a 5 * indoor safety. I don’t need to put myself in danger in order to feel alive. I feel alive already and pretty damn sexy in my alive state too!!  I always think boys who do bungee jumps are either idiots or attention seekers. If it takes the danger of ‘maybe dying’ in order to make you feel free, then surely you have emotional issues. It’s like they have nothing in their life to live for or they could risk the things and people they have in their life, for a moment of adrenaline. If you can’t have a yummy dinner and sit in a luxury, with a wine and a family, filled with peace, love and harmony then to me, you’ve lost the plot. I’m not turned on by danger and it worries me when people are. For some reason it makes me feel like they’re unstable. Lol

I mean i remember i went out on this date in LA with this guy in LA, who used to be a model but now owned a bunch of tanning salons. Can’t remember how or where i met him, but he asked me out, so i agreed to a daytime lunch at The Kings Rd cafe, near where i lived. I’ve told you about this before, but i’ve always remembered it. The idea was that we were going to do lunch and then for the second half of the date go furniture shopping. (Which is dodgy anyway isn’t it? I don’t wanna be picking out wardrobes, or seeing how bouncy a bed is on the first date, with a stranger. I’ve honestly met the most beautiful and most WEIRD boys alive. My LA friends have always said that i make men feel uncomfortable with my presence, like they feel the need to be impressive and go to pot because they try and act how they think i want them to act, instead of being themselves.)

Anyway, lunch was great, the sun was out, he looked cute, it was busy and he was tall, tanned and latin looking. He delivered great confident banter, smeared with a light bit of male machoism that men seem to ‘put on’ with women on dates. We laughed, we chatted, he went on about how beautiful i was and then he RUINED IT, by stating how much he enjoyed danger and the art of ‘playing with fire.’ Then he said he was turned on by rough sex with women, where he could tie them up and spit in their mouths, whilst they were naked. ERM…..?

Once, you’e lost me on a first date, that’s it…i’m gone. I don’t even pretend i’m impressed. I have a giggle and well make it clear via the fine art of body language and TELLING you that this simply isn’t going to be my cup of tea. I like to say ‘I’m just really busy right now.’ Meaning, i don’t have time in my life for this relationship to occur. I’ve been on MILLIONS of first dates and every time i’ve got out of their swanky car and swung- slam shut the door behind me, i’ve always know straight away whether i wanted to be with them or not.

Furniture shopping was shit after that. I felt really uncomfortable hanging out with him and he could tell. So he pulled out the last trick in the book, (after he performed the ‘look i’m really fun’ trick) and that was the showing me his car. Your car will not make me like you more.I hate cars. I’m not impressed by them. I only that if you have a good one, you have more money than a man who doesn’t, which still doesn’t make me like you more.

He was polite, but knew it was going oddly. The sun was out and he asked me to meet him at The Cabana Club that evening. Meet him? Boys don’t ask girls they want to date to MEET THEM anywhere, they come and GET THEM! By that point, it didn’t matter to me that he was quite easy on the eyes, i just looked at him and with a sweet giggles said, ‘I’m just too busy right now…but..yeah..soon.’ (I like that i wasn’t bamboozled by his money or looks and that i declined his affection based upon the fact that he didn’t treat me well enough. Girls seem to always but that little factor on the back burner.)

I walked home, i the sun, back to my condo and told my room mates ALL about it.  What an idiot and that was one man out of the hundreds i’ve been on dates with, no wonder i have expectations of the male gender. At 31 and now a mum, with one on the way and my head thoroughly screwed on, too right, i want to be impressed!!!

It’s Boyfriend Season….

Well heeelllooo, my picnicky pins of ‘ooh-gimme-gimme.’ How are you today? I’m in and updo and I finally managed to get up from my glorious sectional sofa, hoist my kitty cat ‘hey-hey-bootay’ toward the heavens, defying the laws of gravity and slowly, yet glamourous *glide* to my kitchen to fix myself a little bit of lunch. That little bit of lunch ended up being a far less glamourous chilli con carne. But i don’t care, i’m craving it right now and in life, The Gods have always taught me to listen to what my body needs, and give it what it craves. Adjustments only need to be made on that theory if your cravings end up ‘heart-breaking’ another. However, hunger pangs very rarely do…i whipped out and whopped out and made myself a homemade chilli con carne, which i will tell you is so much better when made from scratch and not from the tin. It’s like soul food. The kind of food that makes you go ‘oooh,’ then *wink.* Now, i’m not starving and can tend to functioning through this land we call ‘Wunna.

I actually haven’t done much today, however  my mind is racing forward. I’m planning the career, planning the weekend, sorting out finances, scheduling Ruby and hoping it will all run to ‘dolly perfection. As women, we kinda have to do a lot of that don’t we? Our normal lives, get littered with ‘to do’s’ for other people. Be you a wife, a mother, a wounded heart, a worker,  or a friend. Yet the idea is to never let it get to you and tend to it all with a glittery greatness,  so that all other females may render to, or be inspired by you in some kind of way. (I only say ‘render’ to the haters.  The haters are the people who pay their homage to you via jealously. 🙂 They have to ‘render’ to your greatness, simply because they can’t find it in themselves to be positive enough to feel ‘ inspired.’) I mean there are plenty of women who i believe i’m highly uninspired by. Yet they’re fuck ups. 🙂 Like on Jeremy Kyle today…women, well MUMS, who are selfish enough to put drinking, drugs, or even MEN before the welfare of their OWN children and they wonder why their kids have grown up with emotional problems. It’s disgraceful AND to make it even worse women of this sort have churned out tons of little kiddies.. all to different men, who actually want nothing to do with the children or the women in question..( but if you present yourself in such a manner…then they’re not going to be appealed by you, are they.) They are the kinds of women to feel uninspired by and not just because they ballsed the only thing that matters up, but simply because they’re aren’t strong enough to see what’s important in life. If you’ve been hurt, you’ve been hurt. However LOTS of people in this world have been hurt. The ones that feel, heal and don’t dwell on it, are the strong ones. There’s only so long that you can throw a pity party for and you’ll always find that karmas a bitch. Women like me are ACE. Don’t get it twisted. 🙂 I might have too much bronzer on, but i’m a GREAT mum. (However, Rubes might not think that when i attempt to dress her up as a pumpkin this weekend. #fashioncrime) Preach of the day over.

Okay, back to MY life, what i have actually done (other than thoroughly enjoy the Ellen DeGeneres show. If you didn’t know, Ellen DeGeneres is my actual Ultimate girl crush. If i could fancy a woman and make her my life partner it would be her.) That doesn’t now mean you all have to inbox me pictures of Ellen or yourselves, if you are a lovely gay female and simply because the last time i said i loved something, what was it? ‘Guitar Hero!’ You all started sending me weird computer gamey stuff that i truely and absolutely depised. 🙂 I was pissed when i said i liked Guitar Hero. I hate Guitar Hero. I think it’s rubbish. I had guzzled rum by a magician, when i foolishly made that statement. However, Ellen DeGeneres i do adore…so do feel free to mail me her. *Blushes.* (My poor friend Emily has decided to be mildy depressed today and is in the ‘hiding in her bed’ phase of the problem. Work is killing her little ginger soul, so she’s reached out to me for a little love. Awww…I rooted around and then   told her that drinking is the answer, until she finds a new place of work. 🙂 Made her smile. Peeled a cover off her…even if it was only to pour a vino.  Champion work. Here i am, saving lives. God, that chilli has made me feel all bloated. I don’t know if i have a baby in my belly, or just too much con carne?)

God, i keep getting distracted and rambling on about things i never thought i was going to ramble on about. What i wanted to tell you is that i had to say ‘no’ to a cosmetics commercial today, that i maybe wanted to do, yet couldn’t do, due to a lack of childcare on the specific day of ‘shoot-shoot.’ (Sorry, made it sound like a porn.) However, i’m not too bothered and simply because Ruby needs Mummy and when Ruby needs mummy…i’m always there. (Code for: Grandma is away that day.)

What i will tell you is that LADIES it is BOYFRIEND SEASON. Well nearly. As soon as the weather starts getting  a little nippy and the summer turns to Autumn, which is on it’s way to Winter, it’s the time of the year when we  ALL attempt to find a boyfriend, so we are not alone during the cold Christmas months, so we have someone to share the merriment with, so we GET GIFTS from a boy out of love and utter romance and so we can fool them into dating us until Valentine’s day, so we have a date, before dumping them, on Feb 15th. 🙂 The hunt has started for many a girl, as the season crisps open. Summer is always about singledom, sex, beaches and fun. The cold seasons are always about love, snuggles and wanting to be cared for. Saying that, i got married in the Summer, meaning my Summer was mainly about love and argueing. However, nothing is better than Christmas with the person you love and your family. This will be the first Christmas, where Ruby will understand gifts and be able to talk. Awwww….AND i’ll have another one on the way. It’s like a properly warm hearted Christmas for me this year, filled with love and joy. Plus, it’s fun to be filled with love, family and joy, instead of heartache, booze and willies, during the coming months. I remember that i always used to blog how i wished to get kissed under fireworks on bonfire night…yet it never happened. Now it’ll happen every single time. Maybe because i said it so much, i willed it to happen. ‘Dear The Gods….i also want millions of pounds…millions of pounds….millions of pounds. Thanks, Chrissie. x’

You can tell it’s boyfriend season, because there’s so many shows about dating and people trying to find love.

Rubes, didn’t sleep through the night at all last night! In her sleep she kept screaming out, whilst her eyes were still in dream land, ‘MINE! MINE! MIIINNNEEE!’ Lord knows what was going on? But she certainly took it to heart, as she ended up in tears. Meanwhile, in my dreamland, ‘now happy because she’s on the wine’ Emily, kept popping up in mine and chilling. Maybe she was upset so thought she’d tinker over to see what i was up.

I need juice now. Cya dolls. x

Memory box deleted

Okay, so over the last couple weeks, i’ve eaten more fruit than i have ever consumed in my entire life, (i’m not a fruit eater, it’s very rare that you’ll see me sat with a banana in my hand, with a side of apple for a delightful lunchy snack, it’s just not very ‘Chrissie Wunna’..i’m more of a champagne with a side of eye candy kinda femme. However, being an old bird now, i’m slowly becoming a Dairy milk bar eater, with a side of ..purring?) It works for me, so don’t hate. Anyway, yes,,,my point. I’ve eaten more fruit than ever this last week and i’ve got FATTER. That is what The Gods want for me. They want me to crave something as uninteresting as a plum…and then add more weight to my belly for kicks. Delightful. I’m not bothered. I’m still fierce. 😉 *Wiggle-wink-updo.*

I’m currently watching ‘Real Housewives…,’ and starving because my bodies now craving chilli. I don’t have chilli in, so i’m going to have to have a fricking PEAR. Jesus life! Work with me here! I’ve just lip glossed..as if i need to shove a pear in my mouth right now, for extra smudging. *Shoves pear in mouth-smudges.* I’m glad there’s telly on now, as earlier there was nothing on at all, where ‘Hottest boys 2012’ was my ONLY option. It was rubbish.

Lots has accidentally happened today. There i was chilling and feeling sorry for my pretty self and then out of nowhere, i ended up receiving a work phone call that i had to immediately tend to, followed by a whole bunch of organizing for Baby Ruby’s little career. She’s one. I know and therefore shouldn’t at all be pursuing a career of any sorts. However, she’s turned all glitzy and wanting to be the centre of attention at all times. I adore that about her and find it far too cute. (I’ve raised a Mini Me and explained to Harriet via Facebook, who would like to keep her, that i couldn’t possibly give her away and simply because i’m far too much of an ego-maniac to pass my ‘Mini me’ to another.) Anyhow, like i was telling you before, i was in two minds about getting her signed up to an agent for baby modelling etc…however, it’s all just fun and innocent right now and if they are asking to sign her, then why not? Everyone i know and everyone i’ve asked have thought it was a great idea, so i said ‘yes’ and got her on the right books. This Sunday, i have to take her to Norwich, because she’s a finalist in the Baby Model of the Year comp. It’s a good way for me to see, if she actually likes all the ‘hoo-haa’ or not and then adjust appropriately. *Strut-strut-pout* My family’s actually turned accidentally showbizzy. I mean, i was always one for a bit of entertainment and whole bob of ‘look at me.’ However it seems we’re all headed down that way. We’re sort of lucky by accident.

I still haven’t had a massage and still really need one..with a side of chilli,or a burrito. (I’m craving Mexican.)

I had so much to tell you and i’ve managed to forget it all. I got showered and forgot everything. (FFs) Here i am, on my sofa, by an eaten pear core, in my fluffy slippers, letting my memory slip away from me. I haven’t even had a gin, since i’m all tee total and virginal now. Lord help me, if i can’t even remember things sober. Maybe booze was the key factor to making my brain actually work???

I want a beauty salon and i want my own line of low calorie booze. I want a successful career in entertainment and the happiest little family in all the land. I still wish Christmas would hurry up and i’m still the luckiest little kitten this earth ball could’ve ever birthed. (Well i can actually think of luckier people. However, *shush* let me have my moment.)

Sorry i forgot all that i needed to tell you. Maybe i should go back to bed….?

Work, rest and play…

Afternoon all! I feel like i haven’t blogged in ages. Yet although my mind has been a stiletto step away from musty, i’ve kind of enjoyed my time as Mummy, daughter and little kitty cat life adventurer. I can’t even remember what the last thing i blogged about was? Maybe the photo shoot? It’s almost as if, once i’ve blogged something out my system, i never look back on it again, as it immediately becomes the past, which is great. I’ve always been that way, be it with life, men, work or challenges. I’m not one to make the best out of a bad bargain. Although tolerant, once i’ve glamourously hair-tossed and pushed something behind me, it’s done with and not a memory, especially now that i’m older and more whole, that i ever really take out of that box and look back over. Even my good memories. I’m someone that will always make more and well i’ve always believed that if you’re a person who clings onto the past, then it means you have nothing great going on in your present. More people need to open their eyes and see all the wonderful things that they have going on in their life, embrace it and move forward with it, without interference. I’m really lucky and you’ll never hear me say any different and because i’m not an idiot, who can’t see all the greatness that i have around me. I’ve achieved a lot, i’ve loved a lot and the results of that formula, have built a happiness, that i simply can’t deny. People say a lot of things about me, be they good, bad or even ugly. Yet for every one sly comment, i wake up to an inbox filled with hundreds of lovely messages from people all over the world, who i’ve inspired and that’s what makes me feel great, almost like i matter and along with that bit of adoration, we all like to feel like we matter. (God, my preggo cravings are insane right now. I’m wanting spicy, yet choccy, yet Mexican, yet everything all in one, Lord help me.)

But anyway, since my last week of work, i’ve only really done a couple of phone interviews, gloried at Christmas decorations, (i want it to be Christmas immediately, i can’t wait any longer for the magic,) i’ve dined with The Wunna’s at The Pagoda in Wakefield for the 64th birthday of my Daddy. I didn’t eat much because it was a whole 5 courses and i’m daunted by courses of a monstrous size, it terrifies me and i get all shy and picky. However, i loved it. I’m really close to my fsmily because they’ve always served me well in life. I’ve been lucky enough to have such great great parents who have done nothing but love me and well it’s really put me in good stead with little Ruby. I’m a great mum, because i have a great mum and to be honest there isn’t any other way i know how to be. My mum and dad, even to this day, when i’m 31 years old, look at me, smile and tell me how proud they are of me…and it matters, it makes a difference, it keeps my kitten glow a pouring. (God, i’m watching ‘This Morning’ and the whole Jimmy Saville thing is urking me out now. I cannot believe the people at the BBC ‘blocked their ears’ to his foul play! How is it ever okay to molest young children, especially if you’re being honoured as the ultimate advocate for their dreams coming true? He made some little boy scout ‘earn his badge’ by feeling his nuts through his shell suit trousers. An adult walks into the room during this bit of ‘doo-daa,’ sees it all happening and walks out the room saying nothing! What is wrong with people?)

Okay, aside from celebrating my Daddy’s birthday, being preggo, enjoying life and doing phone interviews, i’ve had my eager weave taken out, (it was quite simply doing my head in and stealing my limelight. if you are ever having to compete with your weave, you’re in a tragic state and you need to have it removed. I got my mum to do it, and well i think she only half did it, as i seem to stil have these tiny random braids scattered through my hair, that are impossible to undo once found.) I also spent my Sunday night at a hotel. I sneaked off because i needed a break from it all and found complete solace in room 319, tucked up in a lovely hotel bed room, all my myself, watching Ronan Keating’s ‘Life Stories’ with Piers Morgan.

Sometimes, you need that break in order to get away from any stress. I enjoyed it and took great advantage of the moment. The next morning, i was picked up and i enjoyed a Nando’s lunch of chicken and peri peri chips, followed by a trip into town to aid someone on their path to beautifying, via the fine art of hair cuts, spray tans and beauty treatments. Actually,whilst, i was sat in my friends salon yesterday, i decided that i wouldn’t mind having my own beauty salon. I’ve always wanted one, but never gotten around to doing so. However, now i think i could manage it and i’d love it. I’ve worked so many normal jobs that i’ve hated, other than ‘for the money,’ entertainment is the only thing i actually love to do, and my favourite hobby, other than being a mummy, is dollying up.  I want my own beauty parlour and methinks i want it NOW.

Yesterday was a good day,a lot got sorted out, via the fine art of rollercoasting. I think my future looks bright and it sort of makes me feel happily confident. When i was little, i always felt confident in my own abilites, then as Hollywood kicked in i sort of lost my confidence and doubted my talent…and well now i’m back on top form and proving that i can do it, and when i say proving, i mean proving it to myself. *Wiggle-wink* I’m a mum, a wife, working in entertainment, i have another baby on the way and i’m actually happy…i’m loving life right now positively. However, i will admit that this first stage of preggoness is not fun. I’ve been feeling extremely ‘off button’ and hazy throughout it…even today. I can’t wait to get into the next stage of development.

I’m resting up today and going to try and sort out my hair. I’m DYING for a massage and desperately need one more than anything in this entire world, right now. I used to have on every week as a teenager and now that i’m older and need one, i hardly ever find time. Bad move.

I don’t really have anything else say, except i want ice-cream, a shower, a rub down and to not feel queezy. On and i’m confused by the whole ‘buy the sperm of celebrities’ clinic, where you can design your own real life baby. It’s all a bit too weird to me and mainly because celebrities are really different to how they are portrayed on your telly box, or even how they portray themselves, so you wouldn’t actually know what you’re buying, meaning that once again some Doctor has managed to play on the dumbness of the public and sell you silly rubbish, for a bit price. For example, David Walliams…tremendous comedian…one of my favourites….you’d buy his sperm and have his baby and think you’d have a pretty funny baby, who can swim better than most and may be a little camp, to the sound of money making victory. However, what most people didn’t know, until he admitted it, was that he also suffered from a mad case of ultimate depression and tried to hang himself twice, which says a lot more about him really doesn’t it. His sperms not that exciting now. 🙂

Have a great day….My cravings are sucky.