The above phrase is my current favourite America saying ever right now and along with needing to be adored, mummy hood, weddings, tanning and too much eyeliner…i’m addicted to it. There’s nothing sexier to me than being *zinged* by a chica (which means mildy verbally bitched at.. ‘slice’ style) and then ‘whacking’ it right back at her, with *Va Voom.* American’s a good at it and well i learnt the Hollywood way, where anyone can say whatever they want, do it with a wild fierce ‘ooh laa’…a bit of glitter and stand their ground without being scorned for it. I’ve notcied in England, you can’t do that as much? There’s more back handed *gossipy-gossipy* dipped in too scared to admit it ‘i never said anything’ fear lies, that occur. If you say something, stand by it and own it. Even the boys are like that out here? It’s so weird to me? Where have all the brave people gone, who don’t mind speaking thier mind openly? I’m a girl who will always stand by opinion and well if you ‘zing’ me…i’ll wiggle back a ‘whackage.’ LOVE IT MUCHO! Hahaha. (I totally got the phrase from ‘Real Housewives..’ my favourite show in the entire world. Keiran and I now watch it with utter enjoyment and then go on to watch the repeat immediately afterward. 🙂
Anyway, my preach is over. I haven’t been able to blog in ages, because i currently have no internet at home. I’m back in the library and let me tell you i get serious withdrawal symtoms from not being able to blog. It’s crazy. I write every single day and blurp out my life to you. It’s theraputic to me, sp when i don’t get to do it…i go mildy…fucking insane. 🙂
Lots has happened. My wedding invitations are out. If you have yours, you’re welcome. If you don’t…i’d blame the boogie? Some of you have your currently posting their way to you, and well i can’t wait to see you all on the day i say my pretty ‘I do’s’ to Keiran. I’m hoping it all goes well, but nothing in my life is ever drama free. *Kick off your kitten heels here.* I’m feeling highly frustrated with a giant compromise that i’ve had to make within my wedding arrangements and on my ‘special’ day and well as a girl and especially as a girl who’s been married previous, during weeks leading up to the wedding you kinda observe your husband to be, to see if he really is going to be that ‘fairytale perfect’ you always wished for. My worst type of guy is a ‘party boy’..a ‘player’…a person that cannot get their life priorities straight, someone that isn’t loyal to his word or family or just a plain old lazy bit of man meat. And well you never know with men, because they are the world’s most insecure creatures, that as a femme (and i’m a foxy one at that) you kinda feel have to love, cross your fingers, close your eyes and jump in at the deep end. I want to find myself married to the best man in the entire world, who adores me constantly and makes the correct choices always. I want the best husband in the world that makes all other women swoon with envy. 🙂 I’ve never let my standard settle on that and i should never have to. So i’m excited to marry Keiran and well he’s more than excited with the whole wedding approaching. (He sat and cried listening to love songs, that we were having to pick for our wedding. I love that he got teary eyed because it proved that he was human, loves me and believes in love….even if at times he acts like an idiot.) But yeah…i’ve accepted that my wedding day is going to be ‘drama’ and well i guess i just have to embrace it. I’m worried because when i get to the exact top of the isle i am going to be immediately reminded about a really bad time in our relationship…i’ll start flash backing and everything, which will take away from the moment, or even the point of it all. That’s the compromise i’ve had to make and for any little Glamour Puss..it’s not really fair, on the day of your wedding. No-one sees it from that point of view…which proves that they have no heart. Not fun. I’ve cried about it and all sorts.
Okay, so Keiran was meant to return from work on Monday and instead surprised me by coming home two days early, with love in his eyes and a heart filled with ‘ooh laa.’ (And a boner. We bonked on the kitchen counter and he paused have way through to tell ‘The Gods, how lucky he was to have me.) ‘ Kitchen counters are quite comfy for bonking, incase you were wondering. I got to have a bit of a ‘sit down’ and a moan. 🙂 (Okay, i’ll stop now before i think my rubbish jokes are actually funny.)
But yeah, he came home early. I had been out posting invites (to the wedding and not to my kitchen counter) and well i had just popped over to Kelly’s to slide her bit of wedding invite through her ‘she’s not in’ mailbox..and a little old lady stopped me to tell me i was a ‘beauty’ and then, once i told her i was about to get married told me that there was no point in BUYING wedding flowers, when i could just CUT THEM out of peoples gardens. Lol. If anyone knows me, you never give me scissors. Scissors and stilettos, don’t mix well. Luckily, i’m a purchaser, so you’re gardens are all Wunna free…for now. (Unless i run out of budget and get broke.)
We were in our bubble, as happy as can be, being the most fairytale any couple could ever dream of. We’re a great couple. I know i always say it, but i mean it. I’ve seen couples, i’ve been ‘couples’ and well our love knocks the socks of everyone. But anyway, we had a couple of good days. Went around to Kelly and Phils, who had champagne and crystal glasses set out for us. (Delicious behaviour. My friends are ace.) Great time, as always. Get home, have a bicker and i throw my glass of water on Keiran and he sleeps downstairs on the sofa. (Infact these few days he’s done a lot of ‘sleeping on the sofa.)
The next day all is well…we’re happy, life is good. He goes to hit a few golf balls and hangs out with hsi hideous chav friends at The Castle and well because i just don’t like them, from that moment on our fairytale went downhill…and the thing that worries me is that it always will. If i have a problem in my life that i believe causes stress, i cut it out, because i’ve brave enough to do so and because my reltionship means more to me than a bunch of people i’d never hang out with, even if i didn’t know Keiran. They’re just not kind of people. I don’t waste my life sitting around doing drugs every other week, night or day. I don’t need tooo…i’m happy. I’m lucky. My life keeps moving. I’m blessed with wonderful things and a yummy little family…and well i’m a fun girl…however, i’m not at all fun with people that remind me of a negative time.
We spent the next day fighting. I ignored Keiran the evening before and went straight to bed. We had a meeting at Oulton Hall at 11am the following morning. We argued all the way in the car. He said awful things that he apologised for (whilst i was by a wheely bin) during the journey, i bitched him out. I cried…and then got out the car and slowly walked into my meeting…under giant chandeliers with my afternoon tea. Keiran stated that he wouldn’t be coming because i was the worst thing ever…or something. (Which he didn’t mean…) Within 5 minutes, he was sat on the sofa opposite me by the wedding co-ordinater and the events manager, tending to our meeting like an adult.
We squared a few things off, looked at the venue. (We now have a different ceremony room to what he thought we had, which is a little bit upsetting…as it’s not as bouji.) The Swedish football team where there at the hotel girls! (All Wannabe WAGS get to Oulton Hall now. Lol) And well meeting over, more bickering occured, he said he was leaving, and as soon as we got home, he apologised as i was washing up a saucepan.
After that everything was fine and we sort of got back to normal. I mean, i did have a ‘secret cry’ upstairs tucked in bed, (I call it my cocoon) as i feel like i’m having the worst wedding build up ever and that i’ve made a massive emotional compromise for my big day. But like i said, at least i won’t cry now.’ lol (I’ll probably be furious.) It sort of takes the magic away a bi doesn’t it. But i guess it’s the compromise i have to make, in order to get married and that is something i’ll always remember.
On the whole i’m happy. I’m sad and happy all in one. My parents are a delight and have openly warmed up to Keiran. Ruby is my entire world and well she’s the thing that keeps me excited about life, because even if i didn’t have anything, i would always have her…my daughter!! Meaning my life will always be filled with uncondiontal love. I adore her. Keiran and i had a good night last night…we were lovey dovey…but i can feel that i still have anger brewing in me and i just need to zone it out somehow..and i’m doing that by getting away. I have an appearnce to tend to at a restuarant with Big Brother Rex, for a launch in a week, i think? We’ve both been booke on it and that’s always fun, because well we’ve known each other for years! Once, i’ve done that and finalized all my wedding plans, given notice, ‘la-dee-daa-ed’ it..i’m jetting off and thank god for it, because i feel uncomfortable, like i’m not being listened to, like i need to be heard and more than anything understood.
Other than that, wedding coming up in less than 4 weeks. It’s been stressful for me because i’ve had to organize it all on my own, as Keiran’s workd away the entire time pretty much. I’m not a girl who enjoys organizing things. It’s made me consume more wine than necessary and in minutes flat. My friends have been wonderful, loving giving and supportive. So i’m really lucky to have picked such amazing beings to dance in the Wunna circle of love. They have my back no matter what and well it’s nice to have people who are always there for you and always care for you, without you having to make them. I don’t have a honey moon. Which upsets me. I never had one the first time due to Mikey and I having to work. But this time, Keiran has to go back to work and instead of going on an honeymoon is apparently going on a boys trip to Ibiza. Firstly, i don’t like a ‘party boy’ and secondly…i don’t like a party boy, that puts partying over a honeymoon. Doesn’t make any girl swoon really, does it?
I’m currently making lots of comprises and based upon the fact that i know we love each other intensely. But oh my gosh that boy does make poor choices sometimes. Yet his poor choices are mixed in with wonderful choices, so it confuses me. II look to the skies every day and hope…and because i love him and we’re doing forever. I am that boys everything…and i just have to remember that. The good thing about us and my parents state this, is that no matter what we go through we always get back to fairytale and we do it EVERY time. So that’s good innit. *Wine here*
On a more positive note, i sooo have ‘game’ today! Not sure what it is, or if it’s purely because the suns out, but the boys love a bit of Wunna this afternoon and well when you’re feeling a wee bit down, nothing perks you up more than a lovely bundle of adoration. One guy tried to force me, on a drink with him and another sent me a message stating we should party together because he’s an animal. The rest just tried to make eye contact and growl at my boobs. Hmmm…?
Welcome to Wunna land. x