Well it’s not even nearly noon and i’ve already managed to fall down the stairs, in a pair of pink joggers, with my BABY RUBY in my arms, poo down my leg and with a cuppa tea in my hands, that pretty much launched through the air and smashed around shoes and golf clubs.
The good thing is that ‘Handsome Keiran’ came to the rescue and little baby Ruby is giggly fit, well and unscathed. (I only fell down 4 steps..but managed to tipple topple like it was CLIFF DROP. If you’re gonna fall do it right…and glamourously.) The funny thing is that Ruby, my ONE year old, shook it off with a smile and got ready for nursery with a chipper ‘ooh i love my headband,’ and grown up ‘Chrissie Wunna’ (in the fashion of a 5 year old, who had just had a pack of sweets taken off her) moaned, little girl squealed, wiggled up the stairs, launched herself on the bed, face down and WEEPED for England, as Keiran rubbed her back. (I have no idea why i’ve just talked about myself in the third person. #loser)
Anyway, we’re all a giggle now, laughing it off and celebrating life with new cups of tea. I think the shock of the tumble, the fact that i had Rubes in my arms got the better of me. The lucky thing was that Rubes had managed to do a giantor morning poo poo and due to my ‘weepy-weepy-ooh-aar’ Keiran had to change her nappy. 🙂 Yippee! I should launch myself down the stairs more often. I actually slipped on my own white faux fur, fluffy slipper. Only a hottie could do that. 😉
Okay, lots going on. I’m dreaming of swinging up that ladder of success. I should get my personal copy of the book today and i’m in shock and crazy happy that it’s actually selling really well on Pre-order. I mean, it’s managed to sell out TWICE. It sort of makes me giggle, as i have no idea why? But then the other part of me is ‘happy dancing’ with a ‘FUCK YEAH.’ It just feels like a massive achievement. There i was 6 years ago, blogging away in Hollywood, for nothing, no reason, just fun and here i am now with it about to go on sale in all major bookstores and selling out twice on pre-sale. WTF? I now can’t WAIT for the book launch, as it’s the first time i’m actually going to meet the fans, with not just my boobs and a Hilton reputation, but with the book of my life..for sale. I’m gonna sit, sign and guzzle champagne on a bouji, glamourous bed booth. I can’t wait to see you all there. I love that i’m gonna have to do the entire night dressed as a bunny girl. It’s like ‘Bridget Jones,’ but dirtier. 🙂
My love life is currently tremendous! Keiran and I are madly in love and doing ‘fairytale’ perfectly. I’m gla di have him in my life…even though he tried to pretend stab me by onions for fun, got obsessed with the ‘Humpty Dumpty’ BGT Geisha girl and found the need to sing it to me repeatedly, whilst telling me my nose was Frank Bruno and my vagina was like Tony Blair. 🙂 Our relationship is playful, innocent and wonderful. Yet were destined for great things! I mean i’ve just got off the phone to ‘DK’ in LA, who is directing the movie of my life…He adores Keiran and I (and my baby Ruby) and well i’m really grateful that because of him we have a Hollywood a knocking. I enjoy how fast everything moves in LA. You can leave that town with a wiggle and a wink and re-enter it a bit later with a ‘Hi, here’s the movie of my life.’ DK believes Keiran, should have his own planet and i think after we’ve tackled all the things we’ve got going on here, and signed off on all the things we need to sign off on…a trip to Hollywood for a lovely chunk of work is on the cards. How exciting! Fair enough we are at a head start due to me living there for an almost decade and knowing it and everyone like the back of my hand and them knowing me due to my nuisancing. But at the end of the day, we’re a couple from Yorkshire, accidentally making their dreams come true. Why because we put ourselves out there with hope and positivity. Two days ago i was looking at homes on Google. Grand ones, where i could see my little family residing forever. I want glamourous, ginormous, Hollywood-looking mansion. Now that bit of dream doesn’t at all seem unreachable. It’s insane! (Lord knows how Keiran is taking any of this! But what can you do, but enjoy it! Everything happens for a reason. We’re quite a good catch for one another. Jolly unbeatable methinks! I likey!)
Wonderful things are happening…it’s just darn crazy! Dreams really do come true. Why be a small town hero, when you can pretty much take over the world…with a wink. I’ll check in later. I’ve got a work phonecall to make.
You can also Pre-Order my book on the Waterstones website, if you prefer. Click the link and enjoy! xx