I need a soft landing…

 

Got home really late last night, after passing out on a train from London to Wakefield, after a long day of trying to make other people’s dreams come true, a wine and an argument. There I was with my head cradled in my beige faux fur arms, with the leftover makeup from my earlier shoot and my entire being at rest upon the table infront of me.

I had a wonderful day yesterday and i wanted to tell you all about it. It was one of those days that could’ve only happened by being guided by ‘The Gods.’ Yet now..and because of a very difficult morning argument, i back on a downer. But this time my downer feels *ouchy.* I need peace, a soft landing, someone to actually care..(oh God, i’m having one of those awkward teary moments, when you don’t want anyone to see you cry, but your eyes can’t help it.) But yeah, someone to actually care the way i need them too. Right now, that little wish feels impossible.

I’ve lived this life. An amazing life. I’ve had all my dreams come true. I’ve been filled with glitzed, had a really successful career, grown up in Hollywood, where i built my every inch of soul and i’ve loved each minute of it. Then i had a baby. Little Ruby and my life couldn’t have even been any better. I always want to give back to life, because it’s been so good to me.

I’m currently managing Keiran, which i’m actually really good at. (If you have a doll on your team that learnt it the HOLLYWOOD way, there is now way you will fail.) I’m doing this, i’m working on my own stuff, (loved the article on me that i read on the train,) i’m trying to be a great mum and i’m tired. I’m really exhausted. I need a cuddle, a soft voice and an ‘i love you.’)

Bottom line, my ‘handsome’ wants to be a success. He wants to try his hand at entertainment. Out of love and because i’m well equipped to do such i thing, i wanted to make sure he got his ‘dreams come true.’ It makes me feel good. However, after all that, a busy last few days of being there for him and trying to make everything work and then an argument, based around the fact that i do not like him sticking up for others over me. I’m now feeling that he can’t see that i’ve actually been there for him..and that hurts me very much. I’m feeling taken for granted. I’ve shouted it out, we’ve squabbled, we’ve fought and it’s ended on him screaming at me and telling me that he ‘won’t let me treat him like shit.’  And…it’s Valentine’s day. 🙁

On a bit of a brighter note…the shoot for More Magazine went well yesterday. Now, i’m not one for liking ‘getting my face done’ by others, therefore that bit was terrifying. Yet i did it, got styled, was taken onto set and shot. Loved it. Had fun. Couldn’t have worked with a better team. I’m quite nifty when i’m around people who would know about things, so i listened, absorbed and knowing that the ‘handsome’ wanted to do well (he had shot too), i made a few inappropriate phone calls to get him through the right doors. It worked. We were over the moon. He now has meetings, through doors that are usually glued shut. (I can’t tell you about it all because i had to do a lot of lying to make it work.)

Right after the More Mag shoot, we had to jump in an immediate taxi to take him to a last minute casting for London Fashion week. Only the evening before, when we were walking under the stars at Aintree racecourse, were we trying to figure out how we were going to get him booked for London fashion week. Then just like The Gods had heard my cry *she looks up to the skies* the next morning ont he train, i’m scrolling through and find a casting. We couldn’t make the actual date, so i made him call them to see if the brand would see him before. They agreed.

Immediately after our More Mag shindig, we were taxied to John Peter..we were lost, hopeful, in a rush, but determined to get him booked on a show. We get there. We can’t find it. We look again. We can’t find it. We have one more try and there the store was! (Yes we went to the actual store to meet the actual owner of the brand. Lol. Ballsy much.)

We rushed in, (luckily we made it on time) and asked for Roberto. I introduced Keiran. He introduced me as his manager (and if i’m honest i did really well yesterday) and after a few moments, a chat, a quick look at pictures on his iphone, a bit of a blag and our fingers crossed. Roberto looked…said ‘Perfect,’ booked him on two shows and then asked me i  had any more boys that looked just like him, because he wanted them to be sent his way. I smiled, I told him that i only had one, we thanked him a million times over for meeting with us and with a hand shake, we left with two catwalk shows for London Fashion week under our belts.

Our lives have been sooo busy just recently and well it’s massively changed force, speed and environment. We’ve been checking into a new city, meeting a new cabbie, and telling him to take us to the next place over and over again and well i’ve loved it.

He’s back into London on Wednesday to tend to the meetings we blagged just yesterday. Unfortunately we’ve fallen out.

I have my book to write, i have to sort out my career, alongside his, with Ruby’s happiness.

It’s Valentine’s day today and well even though i’m not having a very magical one, i truly hope you have the most uplifting time ever. (I once bought a boy a pink fish named ‘Joe’ upon this day many moons ago. It died before i gave it to him….i believe that pretty much says it all. 🙂 )

Hope you all get treated like Princesses..

I love you mucho.

Thank you for following my life.

C x

1 thought on “I need a soft landing…

  1. Chrissie, I am sorry to hear that Keiran may be taking you for granted.

    BUT I am amused to read that you could make a career of finding hot young men for modeling work! (“Chrissie, do you have any more like him?” “Let me check under my bed!”)

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