And just when you think…

Okay, so i’m never saying lovely things about a boy again because everytime i do, they frisbee on in with a whole lot of ‘fuck up’ and make Wunnaland refreshingly dramatic, yet exhausting at the same time.

Woke up this morning to my beautiful daughter, who had nothing but utter glee in her excited eyes and to my ‘Handsome’ who placed his hand on my inner thigh and told me he was ‘sorry.’ Any time this occurs in any Glamour Pusses know there must have been an ‘Oopsie.’

Now for the ‘sorry’ part… *Rolls eyes…*

If there is any type i boy (.and i enjoy ALL boys..well hot ones 😉 ) that i don’t appreciate, it’s a ‘Party Boy.’ I don’t appreciate anything about a cocktail dripped, off the rails, six-pack with a quiff. No matter how much i’m expected to. I mean, if you were going to shove me next to would probably be that type of boy right? Yet now that i’m together, out of Hollywood and a decade older…with a bambino, who means the world to me…even if I am  in stilettos..what i see as my ‘forever’ is a strong, sexy, grown up man. A family man. A man who can take care of his ‘goods’ with a careful loving flair and a dash of innocent fun. Add a loyal, romantic sprinkle…okay and maybe a tan ;)…(i’m not all good)..okay and maybe also a bank balance… :) have my ideal.

Keiran…my very ‘Handsome’ hero, has decided to surrender to the ‘Party Gods’ these last couple of days…trailing in at Lord knows what time, with a clumsy stagger and a distinct lack of control and in my mind has simply wasted the GOOD time he could’ve had with me…with the art of ‘Party.’ He chose boozy ‘good times’ over me…and a whole lot more. As IF, the thing that made me my name (apart from boobies and a stint on the telly) is now my absolute enemy. (He’s currently on my sofa calling me a ‘bitch’ because he feels i’m being ‘fucking mean’ to him.) I didn’t trail in at 4.30am the other morning, after claiming i needed to console a ‘heartbroken’ friend, then want to go back out at 7.20am…in order to ‘get back on it.’ I laid in bed with my Baby Ruby, letting him be the man that he is.

Anyway, he came in last night…early…fucked up…and had been partying since noon. The reason why i don’t like this is simply because it reminds me of my past. My new chapter is NEW!!!! That’s the whole point. I want a ‘Good Clean’ gentleman…and one that cherishes our family more that the world he lives in. When Keiran is what i call ‘Team Keiran,’ i don’t get that. I hate Team Keiran. When he gives up the fight…he is ideal man

We bickered…he tried to convince me that i was his ‘Guardian Angel’ and that it was ‘all a dream.’ At that point he knew in my face that i was ‘let down.’ He on his knees apologising, all wide eyed, shakey and slurry, hoping that he hadn’t ruined everything…and well he looked up at me, as i fed Ruby her bottle, by the light of the Christmas tree and said, ‘You’re just like me.’

I looked right back at him and said…’No! I’m a better version of you.’

Now surprisingly i’m not mad at him..nor do i love him any less. Yet i’m watching him and simply because if he intends to be my forever, then he needs to prove that he is ‘Wunna’ worthy. I’m a total watching and never a controller. People are who they are. Yeah he tells me he loves me and yeah he tells me he’ll never treat me the same disregard again. He’s apparently checked off the ‘party bus’ and getting into his ‘Family man-doting hubby’ slippers. I want the fairytale back.

Words are words…and althougth powerful are nothing without an action. I’ve cried by a kettle this morning. Lol. I’m a proper desperate housewive now! GET ME BACK TO WORK! (Infact no..i take that back. Lol I’m not that eager. I’d rather cry by a kettle.)

I’m hopeful, i’m happy and well we have ‘hotel night’ tonight. The reason why i can’t be mad at him…because we’re just the same. UGH!

Watch this space..


Now for more Cider…


I’m at home alone, as my darling wink of ‘ouchy-love’ Ruby has decided to conk out on the sofa, making our slumber party for two mildy pointless, whilst step in ‘Daddy-Keiran’ (my handsome bit of totty) has tottered ( i mean, man walked) off and away into Wakefield somewhere to drink the sorrows of another  away…for fun…with ‘da boys.’

I’m here, in my rubbish leopard print comfies and with Peter Andre on my telly-o, sat on my cream carpert, by a ball pool and a Hello Kitten kitchen, missing calls from Gay Adam with a cider. (I’m not a cider drinker. It always makes me think of minimum wage teens and garages. 🙂 ) You’d think i’d be more useful in my hour of freedom? However due to actually missing my male counter part, (i know, i’ve turned into this tragic, not very ‘ooh laa’…loser of love bunny. 🙂 ) I’ve made the accidental decision to book a hotel room for us..on Friday night, an executive suite and for a bit of ‘bubble’ love. I haven’t really asked him if it’s all fine and dandy yet? But whatever, boredom and love got the better of me. Why not do a night at the Park Plaza? Makes jolly good sense to me. *Wiggle-wink-pout* (Now loving the cider.)

Okay, last night Handsome Keiran and I gallopped on over to The Castle, a delicious venue of fireplace ‘ohh laa’ with a Disarno on the rocks and a mighty bit of Wunna clevage, in lilac. I made the effort to look quite Glamour Pussy…and well when i do…my ‘handsome’ turns rather protective, yet romantic all at the same time. I’ve heard it’s quite hard bein gmy arm candy. I’m not sure why? But i’m quite sure i’m worth it. 🙂 *Hair-toss.* Keiran’s the most romantic man at the best of times..and he makes me feel soo grateful to have love, be in love, love another and well he really put my faith in love, back in men. I’ve had men. We know this. I’ve been terribly slaggy in my time…and well i often blame it on Hollywood and the fact that the number of boys quite willing to be my ‘forever’ seemed never ending. was my loneliest hour. The time i felt the most ‘eww.’ I’ve even grossed myself out. But yeah i disguised it well with a strutt and a bit of glitter, a wiggle and that good old Wunna charm. However now i’m all grown up. I’m a family. I’m in love and i have not only the most wonderful little bit of girlie, who giggles after trumping in bows with a rice cake, but also the most AMAZING man..who too has a not very clean bedroom past.

I believe that we’re simply the same. I’ve met my match…and i’ve never felt happier. When you feel this happy, you can conquer the world. I love him because he keeps our love ‘fairytale.’ It’s champagne, flowers for no reason, fun laughter and cuddles. A friendship. A love. It’s open, honest and raw. He doesn’t treat me like an ‘option.’ He treats me like a priority. Women need that. Infact women AND men often let themselves be an ‘option.’ I’ve been there and it’s never sexy or worth a free wine. Girls always want to win the affection of a gent. Men concentrate more on bonking the city, rather than finding the girl in the city that is actually worth waking up to! Once you give up the game. You graduate. Once you graduate. You’re worthwhile. Once you’re worthwhile…you’ll meet The Wunna. If you’re lucky…she’ll want you forever. I want him forever. I’ve never wanted anything forever that didn’t really go without saying. [Gin here]

I mean, i hear stories about Keiran and his jolly old history all the time. Yet i understand him and what makes him tick. He’s a love bunny, trying to do the best he can in life and make the most of everything he cares about. To me, he is AMAZING. This matter what anyone says..we’re doing it RIGHT. I love him madly. I never want it to end. Why? Well because our love is alive. It’s a fairytale. I don’t know whether he’s trying to ‘make it right?’ Or whether he at heart just wants to be loved. I’m glad we’ve hung up our gloves. We’re a delicious couple, when we’re lovely to one another.

After drinks, we did what we do best..which is invite people. I like inviting people. I just don’t enjoy noisy random people, who totter in and ramble. (Even though i am a random tottering rambler.) Our friends of choice were ‘Turner in the background’ and his lovely girly Adeline. (They want a rug.)

We enjoyed their company and treated them to  the yummiest dinner, talked about the future, love, life and in the warmest orange-pink lighting of mood. Keiran and I are quite ‘treaty.’ Him more than i. However, i’m feeling quite generous these days. It must be a phase, therefore if you do see me…asks for’ll probably get them…after rum. But yeah, we love to make people feel special. We love to show people a good time!! Treated them to dinner, drinks and brought to the table champers was lovely. It felt goodie. The kinda warm fuzzy goodie that you get from drinking too much Port. 🙂 I was sooo drunky. I mean at one point i had some random 50 year old ugly man, trying to hold my hand during my walk to my own Hubby hubbster?? I can’t WAIT until Keiran’s a big fat old, Port drinking man of cuddle. I’m dead excited for it. I don’t even know why that would turn me on? (Helloo…issues?) But it sure as hell does. I LOVE feeding him. Lol. (I’ll stop being fucking weird now. 🙂 )

‘Turner in the background’ and Adeline are good eggs! People who are grateful for a bit of a treat and i love that. Then more drinking occurred, followed by a meet up of more friends, which ended up at a baby sized house party…and a moment where Keiran and i attempted to concieve. (Winky-wink)

It went badly. 🙂

Now Keiran and i have a WUNNAFUL sex life. You won’t FIND a better bit of bedroom love. Yet i threw a barney. A mild one, because my gloves are hung up and i adore him. I’m nicer to people i adore. There i was naked..we both we’re and weirdly in someone elses spare bed, after i grabbed and walked my ‘handsome’ upstairs on demand to make baby love. All bad…infact still sexy..but bad. I was naked draped over everything., doing ‘ooh’ faces..with a willy sandwich, at every angle. Lol. However, still…no joy. 🙂

Okay…the point is that i didn’t realize that if you add booze and other magic to Mr.Thompson’s willy. It won’t work. 🙂 This threw me off. Yeah, i get Brewer droop and all that ‘no good to me’ drivel. But Keiran’s my trooper. We do ‘bony’ really well..all the time. Therefore I politely Glamour puss stropped. Then had 3 different people come into the room, whilst i was bundled under strangers sheets, in order to comfort my pretty self. Lol.#tragical. I don’t like advice when i’m naked and mainly because i’m cold.

Bless him. I was awful. He was lovely. But i forgave him under the stars of (ever so glamourous) Crigglestone and because he stood infront of me and told me how much he loved me and wanted to do ‘forever’ with me. I believe him. Fully. It’s a bizarre feeling being in love…it kinda makes me feel scared, when all i want is to feel safe….in nipple tassles and too much lip gloss. I think i’m beginning to feel a bit insecure? He looked at me the other day in bed and told me that he never wanted to wake up to another woman and that his ‘privates’ 🙂 would only be entering me for the rest of his entire existance. I adore that. It makes me feel like he’s worthwhile. Hence why he’ll be the man i marry.

We got home. I left him to his own devices, as i paddied upstairs. He came upstairs, with his heart a throbbing, all drunky and wanting to make up. We did…and he redeemed himself in the bedroom..twice over..quite mightily.I complained that my feet were cold.

Today i’ve been all loved up…even whilst sharing onion rings. We’ve spent the day with Rubes, loving it and living it. He’s amazing with my daughter.

Now for more cider… It’s one windy night in Pontefract tonight! Hope he calls.

(Below: When life got the better of Keiran. Note: Anytime you find a handsome that yummy, randomly asleep on your carpet by childrens toys, you’re doing well in life. 😉 I LOVE that he calls me his wife. )

Ps/ He just sent me a text reading ‘God I LOVE you 🙂 x’  Good timing.

I’m one happy kitty cat.

It’s All About Crimbo

The next morning was magical. I woke up to the fruit of my loins, all ten months of her, hitting me in the face and wanting to venture downstairs out of boredom. Keiran (bless him) was still more than knackered, so let the poor man sleep, as Rubes and I ‘did’ Christmas…a very EARLY Christmas. *Ouch*

I’m going to cut the boring, ‘ooh’s and arrs’ out and tell you that my baby bit of joy, doesn’t really get Christmas yet, however luckily compltely understands GREED and the art of ‘GIMME GIMME!’ I waddled her down, half on, half off, and showed her what goodies the world had granted her. We had a living room filled with ‘ball pool’…a Rocking horse, a giant over priced Hello Kitty kitchen and prezzies under the tree, awaiting the arrival of ‘Daddy Bear’ Keiran. (Who finally wandered down all eager and mildy sleepy.)

It was magical. Infact, so magical that Keiran claims we should do Christmas EVERYDAY. Erm..hello bank balance? I’d be fricking bankrupt. We both sat infront of the Christmas tree and handed each other a gift to open. It was all cute and ‘family-like.’ Any man that knows to buy me faux fur, is the right man for me. 🙂

Anyway, if we do anything in our household, it’s always over the top and showy. We WANT to be impressive and we WANT to do everything the best way EVER…in glitter, boobs and spray tans (….shit i’m totally forgetting to mention all the great sex we’ve been having. We have an AMAZING sex life. Just add *had sex* at the end of each paragraph, in order to gte the full effect of a ‘Wunna-Thompson’ Christmas)

Christmas was kind to us and we were gifted with D& G watches, an ipad, Lamborgini thrill rides, Wine school, clothes, Prada wallets, make up, Harvey nics vouchers, faux fur galore, mittens, boys toys and Penguins. (He got me an ipad!!!!! I have the best hubby ever. I don’t think i’ve ever been treated this ‘Princess-like’ ever! He’s a keeper.)

Anyway, i made Christmas dinner, (yes i fucking cooked it) we laughed, loved and enjoyed. Ruby decided to enjoy our prezzies more than her own..and then tottered off to do Xmas twice over with grandma, then Pete…for prezzie overload.

Keiran and i had drinks, then ventured off to a friends for more drinks…

To be continued…*Add sex here* 😉

(Ruby and her prezzie opening. Remember that cymbols for minors are never ever your friend Mums. A total M.I.L.F fail.)


Keeping our ‘bubble’ alive…


Merry Christmas Dolls! I don’t even know where to begin. They always say ‘at the start’ but when the ‘start’ begins with champagne flutes, clevage and giggles..the route to the end is quite deliciously a long one. *Wiggle-Wink* (Love you kittens.)

Okay, Friday! Champagne at Bar & Grill after pizza, rain pour, 2 girlies in faux fur and a table of old men pervs, with really bad jokes, who truely need to go back to romance camp. Luckily, that ended the moment, which oddly then led to pencil skirts, before a mad trip home, with me as the passenger, to get home and FINALLY see my freshly spray tanned ‘handsome.’ (Keiran and I are AMAZING right now. I’ve never felt so in love and for once in my life, i can look at a boy and tell him he’s my ‘perfect.’ Our relationship is built upon truth, love and moments. We can lay on a bed and talk about life like the bestest friends you ever did see, half naked, filled with hope, that is blanketted with laughter. Yet then we can cuddle under the stars, in what i call our ‘bubble’ and tell each other how much we love each other and how life really would be pointless without him by my side….he looked at me the other night, in the bed of ‘Turner in the Background’ and told me i he loved me and how i was his perfect girl. For those of you looking for love, under rocks, at the bottom of a pint glass, between the sheets of another, or even via the ‘number game.’ Know that one day it will come. I’ve dated a merry bunch of ‘loservilles.’ I could put Casonova to shame with a side of fries. However this time, i looked at the boy on the other side of the pillow and told him he too…was my ‘perfect.’ I’ll spend the rest of my life with him. I can’t wait to be his wife!! *Blushes*)

Anyway..the fun bit. Fast forward. It’s Mad Friday, we’re both grooming to regular old ‘off the telly’ dance tunes. I’m hair doing. He’s drinking and we’re getting ready to taxi it down to his friend ‘Adie’s’ for a night on the razzle, for Leeds and kittens..that’s just what we did. We welcomed the ‘Bierteller’ like no other group of people could..and my handsome and i we’re nothing short of the most loved up ‘TEAM’ ever. We didn’t once fight. The gloves were a ‘hung’ and the hearts were a thudding. When we work together, we’re unbeatable. I want to keep it that way and not let inscurity get the better of us. [Confetti shower here]

One of the best nights ever. There was drinking, bench dancing, weird little German band men, in what i thought we’re Norwegian outfits, clapping and stomping away to the craziest of ‘good clean’ times, with giant beers a smashing, laughter a raised, merriement taken up the notcho…and all in what seemed like a little tavern of good old times. I Loved it and well it’s one of those weird little things that bring good people together, when there needs to be a good ‘clink’ of a glass, a giggle and a wink.

Then two fatties decided to call me and a blond girl names, followed by a stare down and a hefty gallop onto our party bench. Not fun. Before you know it, it all got hectic…The fatties we’re getting yelled at by our male accompaniment…the old one was yelling at me, THEN  my very handsome counterpart got thrown out. (I enjoy a man that can defend my honour. I find it sexy. It makes me feel safe.)

I then left too…only to find him outside getting into another fight with a fatty. A big random man in glasses, who fancied a bit of fisticuffs, whilst calling me a ‘plastic’ by a green light.

It all got the better of us, so Keiran and i went to the comfort of Mcdonalds for burger love, before re-meeting our friends in ‘Fiber’ for a bit of a boogie.

Wonderful night! I felt MADLY in love.

We partied the night away, then everyone weirdly decided to go home. It was 2am. Keiran and I , shook hands with the Gods of party, found an old friend ‘Woody’ (who kept calling me ‘Chrissie Wunna,) along the way…and spent the rest of the night at strip clubs, finding ourselves home for good sex, at 8am in the morning. OUCHY! (We paid for that party. I had never been so knackered.)

The next day was spent recovering… yeah we might have visited a friend for a quick drinky, however we were both eager to get home and do ‘Christmas Eve and Crimbo morning’ with baby Ruby…

(Below: When it all went a bit German.)


Mad Friday

At work. Are you? No. Didn’t think so. UGH much!

I’m not one bit ready for Christmas and i not only want to be, yet need to be. I woke up at some rather unGodly hour, in order to trollop my pretty arse onto an early morning train to Leeds, in my faur fur, feeling ill, tired and like i needed that extra hour in bed.#worstfeelingever Both Keiran and I had nightmares last night. I never know what goes on in his head during ‘dream time.’ All i do know is that it’s thorough….

Went to an awkward dinner last night. My company wasn’t awkward. Yet my surroundings were. I hate awkward dinners. I tend to avoid drama at all costs now that i’m old. It ages you…and really every decent person would prefer wrinkles from ‘good times’ rather than stress and the wrong people in all the wrong *swear here* rooms.

Had a bit of steak..a bit of wine…then  left. I mean wherever Keiran and I go now, there’s always some kind of ‘jiggery pokery’ around us, or following us. I mean, i’ve even had my mum yell at me today via text. (The worst kind of yelling, because it’s wordy and less shouty.) I have a snotty nose today and have been rained on by the Heavens. You can’t yell at snotty nosed people. It’s unfair and messy. I’m a kitty cat to be loved…not rained on, shouted at and then given a tissue.

Hopefully, i’ll be all done soon and i can get my *wiggle* home. I’m feeling rushed, half full and like i need to relax.

One day i’ll get that…just not today. [Add tinsel here?]

Luckily my good friend ‘Samantha’ cheered me up by playing ‘Asian Hooker’ at me, with sounds of the orient, mixed with anger and robotic dolly dancing. She thinks i smell like sushi. I think i smell like….HOT. 😉 *Glamour-Glamour-Puss* I’m actually only doing a ‘half day’ today apparently…yet it already seemes like a full and i’m only 2 hours in.

I can’t feel sexy in the rain. I have rubbish hair. My weave is all rained on and somewhat determined to adopt a mind of it’s own. It’s MAD Friday. We’re all meant to be out, celebrating the festive season….i’m feeling a jolly old 50%. I want Christmas to be a goody….I’m actually mildy nervous for this evening because i don’t want ‘Handsome Keiran’ and I to argue. Yeah i know we’ve ‘hung up our gloves’…yet i’d rather we be doting loving and delicious, (like we are when no-ones around) than surrender to the soothing sounds of stubborness and go in for kill and all for no reason. Love should be love and after the other day, i never want it to be any other way but magical.

Anyway, i truely hope Santa comes down your chimney! *Giggle-Blush* GOD!! My legs are acheing from tottering around Leeds in heelios, with pinstriped shirts on. UGH! I’ve left a bit of me in Lazy Lounge, Bar & Grill, All Bar One, The German Market and almost every coffee shop going. If you find a sprinkle of glitter and smear of bronzer in a random corner…with a silent moan of exhaustion…know that i was there first.

Wish me luck…

The Most Magical Birthday Ever

I honestly have the most AMAZING ‘handsome’ ever. The kind that a slanty eyed, Glamour puss, with a rather reaveling chest could ever wish for. Just when you think my story couldn’t get any better. It does. That’s why i adore being me. I’ve meet the man of my dreams and completely by fucking accident. CUPID! I LOVE YOU!

Okay, i wake up my birthday morning, after bonking Keiran by a Christmas tree. We fight, make up, wallow in the deepest most fairytale like love, bonk, then buy each other things to apologise. Most people say that when we run out of funds and working privates, then we shall be no more. Yet we jnow that we just can’t be without each other. We have a bubble. I don’t like anyone IN our bubble…at all. I’ve lived a life, where i’ve had people mosey on in. Yet they only mosey wheni’ve let them in. Some call me an ‘it’s all about me’ control freak. i call it hot. *Wiggle-wink*. (I’ll quit being a moron now. I had an amazing birthday.)

Woke up on Dec 19th 2011, to the most delicious bit of handsome in the entire ‘himbo’ world. I dragged myself out of bed, wrapped Xmas prezzies for others, got excited about my turn of 31 and when Keiran rose from my yummy satin sheets, he pondered about, making me cups of tea, watching me right my blog, told me i was beautifula nd then proceeded to get fucked off at Moonpig for not sending me the car on time? There was lots of glaring out the windonw waiting for the postman.

Eventually he went with fuck it, due to time not being on our side. He loves surprises. He loves surprising me. He loves making me happy and i get the ‘be very jealous’ Princess treatment all the time. I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

Anyway, he tells me to pack a bag for an overnight stay. I pack a big one, one that could manage my life for any little occasion. The postman fucked up, so he ran off to his car, ( i watched him run from the bedroom window) and byt he time i had gleefully tottered downstairs, in my giddy, ‘it’s my birthday’ manner, he was in the living room with the most giant bouquet of yellow (our favourite colour) roses..infact 31 of them, with one of them being all singled out and prominnent. He said they represented the years we would love each other and be together. I felt on top of the world. I mean, i don’t know why he’s so good to me…but he is? I’m in love. Why have i bothered dating such previous losers, when now i have this perfect chunk of ‘alha’ male, who knows how to love me right. I’m impressed and i’m NEVER impressed. If i had ever met my match…it would be now. I had yelled at him 2 days before, because he went to a wedding. Oops. 🙂 I guess it’s the Wunna way….

Long story short. We packed a bag, went for tapas, fell madly in love over and over again, then he took me on a magical journey to a surprise place of birthday. I actually had no idea where we were going. I’m usually not one to enjoy being surprised, out of fear. Yet, this was probably the best surpise i had ever had in my life. (Apart from the arrival of Ruby. :))

After 20 minutes, he drive me to Oulton Hall, one of my most favourite retreats EVER, for a luxury over night stay, champagne, dinner, one on one time (because we never get to enjoy each other these days due to work and nuisance), full body massages, steam rooming, hot tubs, relaxing, more champagne, moments of love, a hotel night and sex. He spoiled me like no other, in truely magical Glamour style, under chandeliers and our little cloud of ‘ooh laa.’ I had never been happier. We had never been happier. We have the BEST relationship in the entire world…and i don’t sweat it. I don’t need to because our bond is unbreakable (no matter what we go through) and that’s exactly how we always wished it to be…right from the beginning.

Now, i won’t go into the magic of our delicious Oulton Hall adventure, simply because it was sooo ‘Room 213’ perfect and simply all about US. In my mind, sharing my birthday with him, drizzled in champagne, was sort of like celbrating our relationship. It was amazing and i mean beyond words amazing. We had GREAT sex and we have never felt so in love. There was one point where i was laid on him in bed and we were half in sheets and all a pucker..i looked up at him with my doughie, dolly eyes…and he quietly whispsered, ‘You have my heart.’ I love those moments. They’re the moments that i remember forever.

We had the most romantic dinner, delicious, luxurious and in the perfect lighting. Magic. I can’t even begin to explain it. (My boss is currently showing me a penis pouch that grunts like a reindeer…excuse me a second. 🙂 Priorities must!)

Cuddled all night, with my perfect little dreamboat. Woke up did breakfast. Enjoyed life with one another and talked about the future. It couldn’t have been any more right. I’ve literally found the man of my dreams and i know this because when we’re good we’re REALLY good..but when we’re bad, we still MADLY in love. We can always make it work and effortlessly. We’re so alike and because of that we can and will conquer the world. We always see the good in each other…and i can’t WAIT to spend the rest of my life with him.I feel lucky. I feel in love.

Now, i say… all was perfect. It was…we wanted the joy to last and so we ventured to The Castle (our pretend local) for Christmas drinks by a fireplace.) It began beautifully. Then and because of a tiny pointless misunderstanding and a group of annoying people, consisting of a nice man who drove a Range Rover, a slaggy 44year old rough looking woman and a middle aged ‘still oves his wife, even though he was with the slaggy insecure rough woman’ guy..who was on drugs…it all went downhill from there.

If i’m out with Keiran, i prefer it to just be ‘us’ and i know that sounds horrific, yet i’ve lived a life…a very Hollywood one, where i’ve learnt that there is nothing more important than the strength of ‘the bubble.’ I dont like that ‘bubble’ invaded…unless i’ve beckoned you in…or you have gin.

Without boring you and being a complete *snooze-fest,* it all went shit. We fell out massively, because i accused Keiran of not wanting to hang out with me. he got angry at me for it and then angry at me for saying a random man i didn’t know was a ‘nice man.’ He refused to take me home, or go home and with and demanded that i get in a taxi and make my own way home, after making sure i knew that he wouldn’t be coming home that night!

I *paused*…swore a little, then after saying ‘Hi’ to an old school friend, pulled out a cigarette and stormed out, in my faux fur. There were lots of ‘Shut the fuck ups’ occuring during our argument. We’re both feisty, when we fight…we FIGHT! We’re both stubborn, both fiery and both similiar. A LETHAL combination if we’er going up against each other.

I waited outside after calling my Mum. Then called him to merrily listen to an answer machine. (I hate that.) He eventually answered and EVENTUALLY came outside. I was stood by his car,all teary eyed and calm. he walked up to the car, still angry…told me that he STILL wasn’t taking me home and that he was NOT going to be staying at mine tonight!

He drove me home. 🙂

I cried all the way there…

When we got there, he made a massive point out of me having to GET OUT of the car. Boys do that all the time. I never play along and refused to get out, whilst trying to guddle him with my snotty nose.

Bad move.

7 minutes later i found myself being dragged out of a car..on the floor and THEN had my pink and beige leopard print luggage thrown out of a car too. I hit him in the face. 🙂 He was screaming. I was shouting. I picked my stuff up and walked away. He drove off at the speed of light. #anotherhappycustomer

That night, i got home, went on a walk, cried a little and then called him.

He got to his and fell asleep in a loft.

At  midnight that night, he came back to mine and we made up. Infact, that night changed everything. There was a moment where i stopped, hung up my gloves and realized how much we actually loved each other.

We had sex. It was amazing. We have a great sex life and well it keeps our relationship alive. We then promised to love each other forever and on a bond of trust, went stright back to ‘fairytale’…just like that.

I’ve always said that when two people love each other…the ‘fight’ is not worth it. The next day we loved each other like never before and i guess sometimes it just takes the drama to realize how much you care. I don’t care what anyone says, our bond is AMAZING. We’re best friends, lovers and each others world. I’m learning to keep ‘us’ ‘just us,’…as we’re a couple that everyone seems to like to tango with. He’s a great boyfriend, a great life partner, a great friend and a great ‘father.’ I’m an AMAZING 😉 girlfriend, a loving mother and a hard worker…we have the best life ever..even if it is dripped in spray tan and glitter.

We’re back to normal…we’re a little exhausted, but underneath it all loving life.

Happy MAD FRIDAY Dollies. I’m currently in Leeds. It’s just rained all over me. I’m not impressed. My tan’s running down my leg like piddle.

I love you…thank you for following my life.

CW (Oh and Thank you for all my birthday messages. 31 feels sexy!)





Happy Birthday To Meeee!

You can tell i couldn’t be arsed to post a proper piccie. Keiran’s taking me on a Birthday surprise! Fill you in later!

Thankyou for all my messages!

Love you… Got to pack.

Go shorty!!!


Friday was about licking, sticking, deadlines and labels. I OFFICIALLY HATE label making. I’m not made for such a job. I’m all about tits and excitement, in too much eyeliner. Label making can kiss my arse. Anyway, i clung onto the fact that i only had 6 more hours until i was FREEEE to begin my BIRTHDAY weekend. Infact, licking and sticking wasn’t that bad, because I didn’t have to do any of it. 🙂  Luckily, the day had been snapped away into minor bit of excitement and i found myself tottering around Leeds town centre, with two chicks in faux furs, escalating upward towards Harvey Nics and purchasing champagne…in the name of ‘keeping santa secret.’ We got bollcoked….so we bought chocolate.

Fast forward. It’s not night, cold, rainy and AMAZING. Friday night was spent mulling over warm cherry wine, with new people, who i’m beginning to adore and at the (oh yes) German Market. Everyone was a look-a-likey. I got accidentally trashed. Warm words, Christmas cardies, bitching, giggles, race car driving, and X FACTOR arms where performed. Then i tripped over a grown man in a German barn outfit? Everyone thought it was as if we in a tiny loving German cottage. I felt it was more like a tiny German homeless shelter. Lol. I distinctly remember looking at new friend Chris (he does codes and has a quiff) and saying ‘Why would i have all these people in my German Cottage????’

Great night, one where you wished lasted that little bit longer. However, good deeding and responsibility occured and ‘samantha’ and i found ourselves travelling our way back to the parts of the north that we reside in…Well technically she dropped me off at Asda, the Wakey one and i got a taxi home.

Then everything went pear shaped. Not sure what happened. But i decided to get really angry at ‘Handsome Keiran,’ who was away at the wedding that he chose over me. Hilarious! There were tears, tantrums, screaming and hang ups. I was on my landing in Ackworth. He was in a hotel room in Blackpool. I cried. He comforted. Then i cried a bit more. He got angry…because i was apparently being selfish. Then i broke up with him. It went like this…’Chrissie, don’t you turn this around on ME! Do you even want to BE with me…?????’

I *paused* wiped snot from my nose, looked in the mirror..then like Veruca salt…screamed ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO’, down the phone. 🙂 *Hang up.*

Then weirdly my mum came around with Ruby, so i pretended everything was delicious and darling.

I loved my Ruby time. My daughter is the only thing that controls me…and it’s terrifying. I’m raising myself and boy is it difficult.

I didn’t speak to Keiran at all during the following day. Intsead, i dressd Rubes up as an elf and went Christmas shopping with ‘the Wunnas’ (which i love) followed by birthday drinks with friends, fans and previous (uninvited) fuck buddies.

Keiran had actually hid a wrapped up bottle of champagne and card in my wardrobe, expressing how much he loved me. Oops! 🙂

I texted him, hours after with an ‘I love you.’

He came back last night, after i shopped and relaized i had ordered a baby sized rocking horse, instead of an actual life sized rocking horse you can sit on. Lol. I can’t online shop to save my fucking life…

Ruby was home, so we were all awkward, odd but loving. Then my mum took her away for cuddles and WE FOUGHT. Everything was stalked out… infact screamed out. He called me ‘selfish’ and a girl that always wants to get her own way. But TOO RIGHT I DO! He does too. Why would i want to get it EVERYONE elses way! We’re far too similar to fight anymore. It ends in war! Big war. Manipulation, evil words and faux fur.

Again not sure what happened. But i went outside with a *slam* for a ponder. Came back in and he was madly in love with me and we ended up making up, popping open champagne, hanging up cards, getting into slutty red nighties and bonking by a Christmas.

Best night ever…We’re back to fairytale and MADLY IN LOVE. The thing about Keiran is that he loves me and loves me hard, regardless as to what he says. I’m more jaded than i thought..due to dating a merry string of ‘not so lovely’ boys. (Not all of you, before you all start.) 🙂 I need to remember to not take advantage of his love for me and instead whole heartedly adore him back…without being so selfish. (There you go…i said it. *Wiggle-Wink.*)

Anyway, i”ve got to go. I’m in a red nighty and ankle UGG boots. Why i hear you cry…coz bitches it’s MA BIRTHDAY!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!


Little Dolly me…innit!

Dolls! Yesterday, I found myself darting through Leeds train station at 6.07pm, in 9 inch heels, with 2 GIANT rolls of wrapping paper, what felt like 30 bags of Christmas cards (one 🙂 ) and, with a definite dent in my bank balance, no time left on the clock, a bag of jelly fried eggs from Marks and sparks and the best ‘people weave’ jiggy ever! I then, in the biggest rush, that my life could ever grant me, ended up landing on Platform 12A, in the exact ‘stop the train’ manner, whilst trying to text, gracefully falling into humans and *bang* onto the 18.15 back home. In one actual piece..and with fucking GREAT hair.

All that for nothing. Other than the utter need to get home after the longest day at work. BOOHOO much. I can’t at all hack it. I was on the quietest train ever, not a *buzz* nor a *bee* to be heard. I mean, i spent the day, online shopping and managed to burn a hole in my pocket, if i ever did have one. There was no stopping me. I certainly got on one and before you know it, i was buying all fricking sorts, like a maniac, who really needed to get strapped down and feed to horny lions.

I was excited. My train was not. I was sat next to a giant Nigerian man, who really could’ve been Father Christmas. Jolliest laugh i ever heard. #NOT. Luckily, i didn’t have to wait too long, as the drunks finally made it on the train. Fat ones, with old age and felt Xmas hats, dripped in lager. They found me immediately, told me i looked like a Pussy cat doll, told the train they adored my eyelashes, sang to me and then told the rest of the train to ‘FUCK OFF.’ When you’re grateful for the know you’re in trouble. Especially, when they wore grey. Everything on the train was grey. I mean the only thing with colour…was me..thanks to my orange tan and cheap pink lippy. I was that train and then i left. (THANK GOD.) All good things, that are sober…leave.

Okay, not much else has happened, but far too much boring work, being madly in love with Handsome Keiran, Xmas shopping, ADORING Baby Ruby, drunk texts from Wazza, helping my darling friend ‘samantah’ look ‘corporate’ at Asda.( I loved the fact that i found her walking around with black pencil skirts and found myeslf walking around with a childs Elf siut and a slaggy black and red nighty. 🙂 ) The fitting room woman asked if i was going to try the Elf out fit…it was for Ruby.

OMG i actually forgot to tell you that i actually managed to get my scarf TRAPPED in a car door, that didn’t know i was attached to it, and began to drive forward. 🙂 WHAT THE FUCK! I was trying to not be a pain and hit the car next to me, with Keirans car door. Didn’t work out. I ended up getting strangled by a moving vehicle, driven by the man i love. I mean, i’m polite, but not that polite. Fuck the car door. I began doing the decent thing and screaming like a banchee, whilst belly laughing at my own discomfort.

It was over in about a minute. Then i went and got wine. *Glamour Glamour Puss.*

I’ve had a long day and only have ONE MORE day to get through before it’s my BIRTHDAY WEEKEND. WOOHOO! I’ve booked days OFF work to follow it and will now have the best ‘turning 31’ weekend EVER. (My birthdays not until Monday.) Can’t WAIT!

Handsome Keiran’s not even going my my birthday festivities..which means i can dress slaggy. 🙂 But more importantly, I’m kinda upset that he’s not gonna be there, because he’d rather hang out at other people’s weddings. Eww! He leaves tomorrow, and then that’s it until sunday.  Can you even believe it? Yeah… he’ll be back for Monday (my actual bday.) However, to me.. it’s just not the same as being there for the big old ‘Party’ weekend, is it? Infact, now i’ve rethought about it, i’m actually really pissed off about his distinct lack of knowing how to prioritize. Imagine failing to go, to your own girlfriends birthday? I’d never do that to him.

I hate it when boys choose other things over me. Not fun. By the time it’s Monday, i’m not going to want to play ‘happy birthday’ am I. I can already feel it coming…

The Egyptian Febreeze


You know life is Wunnaful, when you find yourself racing around the ‘upstairs’ with your playful handsome hero, like comedic nutty bits of panicky bonkers, in order to refrain from smelling like Richmond Menthols, when you’ve just realized the ‘Omg, Chrissie it’s your MUM’ joke, really isn’t a joke and she is actually downstairs, after ‘Grandma Day’ with Ruby.

You’d think we’d be all grown up and swiggedy-swagger, right and limp walk into the room, without a care in the ‘we are legendary’ world. No. We’re not that cool. We’re hot…yes. But don’t think that we didn’t panick to the bottom of the staircase and Egyptian FEBREEZE ourselves, in order to hide our shame. I committed to the panic *spritz’* first, having launched myself into a baby pink cotton dressing gown, only to steadily saunter into the living room, like the calmest Queen of sheeba, in the world ever, with a gentle, innocent smile of ‘i don’t at all smell of a Richmond menthol.’

Keiran panicked too. he had been playfully pinning me onto the bed, after we had enjoyed many a Christmas drink and flirty banter at The Castle, our new local, that isn’t at all local to us, by a fireplace. He saw me reach for the Egyptian Febreeze and went with it. This is how i know we’re a team. 7 minutes later, he too calmly walked into the living, like no panic had ever happened.

All i’m gonna say is when the good option is ‘Oh don’t worry, she’ll just think we’re having sex’ …you know you’re a pair of twats!!!

We’ve made up BIG TIME and thoroughly enjoying being madly in love…infact just the way we were when we first ‘fell.’ I’ve been filled to the bring with a rosy, warm ‘ooh laa’ and well when you’ve found the man of your dreams and he looks at you and tells you that you are his entire world. (You are IT for me, Chrissie!’) Nothing in the entire world, apart from being a mummy to my delicious baby Ruby matters!

We’re on Cloud 9, enjoying the work of good old Cupid. We’re close, we’re happy and we boom everyone else’s love right out of the water. I’m aware that everyone believes only because we’re dead good at bonking each other. *Wiggle-wink.* But really, we have a friendship and a love that could make any couple of ‘lovey dovey’ maybe do a sick. We had undays dinner, went for our weekly walk around Newmillerdam Country park, fell in love all over again, whilst being hand in hand…then got pissed and forgot to buy stamps!! ffs (He stoles cider glasses.)

Work is great. I’m loving being a Mummy. (Rubes is well into being a ‘Material Girl.’ The only 9 month old ever, to not at all care about wrapper, when it comes to a good old Xmas gift. My daughter wants the prezzie…and will tantrum until she gets it….so proud. #peteprobablyhatesme.

Had sex by a Christmas tree, in the dark.

Life is good. 😉