When you really need a rum …

Where do i even  start! Okay, firstly bare in mind that i’m quite the poorly little Kitty cat right now. Everywhere’s all swollen and fluey…and even though i’m fronting it like the champion that i am…(I’m currently at work)…know that my ‘well’ level is pogo-ing from 0-1, on an ‘Up to 10’ scale. Not fun! I don’t do ill well and when i do…it seems i’m what most people call a F****** bitch. 🙂 (All smiles.) Infact, there really was no need for swearing there. We’ll leave it at ‘BITCHEROO?’

Anyway, yeah i’ve had a great weekend. I always do. I’m excited about my book. I’m loving the fact that i might actually beable to sit at home and be glitzy for once, whilst pursuing something that excites me. Instead of dragging my pretty arse out of Wunna Land and into  ‘yadda-yadda’ in order to make ends meet. I will say that on saturday, i felt as sick as a dog. I couldn’t even move my legs without an ‘ouchy.’ (And i didn’t even get to have *rumpy*…or did I? Well i did this morning regardless. I felt all ‘in love’ with my handsome and therefore felt the need to show him..even if i did have a snotty nose. 🙂 ) I was in desperate need for ME time at the weekend, therefore insisted on going home and being a mum. I’m highly stressed right now, with the ‘juggle’ of life and the needing more time to do what i WANT to do, instead of what i HAVE to do. It’s not really something I celebrate, nor is it anything i stand for.

I got home and ended up with my baby Ruby and my family in Doncaster for a bit of retail therapy. I don’t spend much time at home. My life is almost always ‘out’..and well i guess it’s kinda what i needed. Much better than a ‘pity party’ for one. All was well. I was still ill. I was excited about hanging out with my family in the evening for a dinner do..and seeing Wazza, who i haven’t managed to drink with for ages…then came DRAMA and well it pretty much ballsed up everything. One day the drama will have pegged itself up and be swaying along to nursery rhymes. But right now…i have no such luck.

Now, i’m not going to go into the drama. But know that it was Pete drama, in the area of childcare. I’m beginning to not at all trust Pete these days and well anytime a boy has you on ‘speaker phone’ mid-private conversation about your daughter, so everyone can ‘have a go, or ‘a listen’ then you’re an idiot. I’m tired of it all and well this little puss of ‘ooh laa’ is tired of it all and tired of him trying to depict me like i’m some monster. (Boys tend to do that, when i’m not with them anymore because they find it easy too. I look naughtier than I truely am. I’m a good excuse to pinpoint your emotional *doo-daa’s on…)

My evening plans were utterly ruined and well i took my baby daughter away and we looked after each other all night long.

However, it’s not all *glum face.*I had a great day yesterday with my handsome Keiran, with sunday dinner in New Miller Dam, in my farmers flat cap and fur boots. 🙂 (Fashion crime. Totally worked for me. *Wiggle-wink.*)  We go there every sunday now and well it couldn’t be more perfect. It works for us, because we’ve both lived lives away and without our families. When you grow up, after living such a life, you tend to crave that permanance a bit more and appreciate it a great deal more when you have the opportunity to ‘live’ that moment again. (OMG an actual sequin embeded in my jumper has cut me?? I’m getting attacked by my own bouji accessories.) I have a gent who loves me dearly and i’m lucky. However, my past romances are really beginning to rock my happy boat..and with spite. OUCH! (Not fun when you have a sore throat. I can’t even *gurgle* spit them away..even on a good day.)

Today ‘Latin Lover’ (remember him) inboxed me a deliciously *BLOCK CAPITALLED* threatening email, trying to bribe me for money? Erm…how about ‘lets not.’ ‘Latin Lover’ was 2007. How can a boy pop up in 2011 and now need money and a ‘Wunna’ to finance his life, simply because i once dated him in LA?? I’m quite the meal ticket to a merry bunch of my exes..and well it’s starting to make me feel like i’m a THING and not a person. I think the past should always be the past, as that is were it makes its mark. It’s where it makes it’s own glorious IMPACT. ‘Latin Lover’ thinks he deserves money for once being my ‘beau’…i think he needs to learn to MAKE honest money, sit back and have a gin. Enjoy what once was and don’t attempt to use the past as a tool for the future, where it simply doesn’t fit in, (Round peg…square hole,) with a girl like me. My mind and heart is always on the move. Once i’ve flown, it’s over. Yet i cherish each moment i have. (Until the moment tries to make me give them money. 🙂 )

Talking about exes…i was in bed with Keiran last night and my phone rang. I looked at my screen, mid-‘me being ill’ and what name did my screen flash..oh yes..’ Jonny’ aka Boyband Jonny. Great talent. Bad boyfriend. Good times. I looked, i carried on having a sore throat, shoved the phone back under my pillow and continued cuddle-spooning  ‘handsome’ Keiran.

Other than all that. I’m craving Ruby time more than ever before. I want to live life the way i want to. I want to be a writer and have that as all i do. I’m completely loving big knickers. I mean even though i do choose ‘floozy’ ones, they’re still big and make my bum feel like it’s being cuddled and a ‘good girl, ‘ instead of ‘out there’ and ‘naughty.’ I think i might be losing my mind shortly…so lets keep winking and keeping our fingers crossed.

My day job is easy, but time consuming right now. I’m exhausted and well need a timeout. I need more time to do glitzy things that amuse me more. I even forgot it was Halloween, but i’m not bothered. Halloween in Ponty or Wakefield is crap. The only time i liked it was when i was dressed as a Belly dancer, at the West Hollywood carnivale, followed by a slaggy cave girl at The Abbey. (Gay bar in Hollywood, where i managed to find the only straight boy and hump him. 🙂 ) Why would you want to run around Wakefield, in the cold, looking scary. No point? Well not in Wunnaland anyway. 🙂 Everything i have is glamourous, warm and AT HOME.

I have my office friend Karan being quite quiet today, which means ‘things might not be all good.’ I love Karan and when i adore people, it’s hard for me to watch them go through a ‘hard time.’ It’s the fire in me, the heart, the ‘va-va voom.’ 🙂 Anyway, any normal person would take the reins and champion her back to ‘happy’ with a fight and kind words. I looked at her, (after she poked her head around my door corner) and said,’

‘Are you alright honey? I mean, do you need to talk? I can be like i’m a santa’s grotto..but a rubbish one where you don’t get presents, and you just get laughter and sarcastic remarks?

Oh shut it. It made her smile…and really that’s all i wanted.

I need excitement. I need my book to be done and edited. I need to get better first and i really really need a rum. *Looks up to the Gods. Hopes they guide her well*

 I’m really really bored.



Ouchie much Dollies

Good morning, my giant hugs of ‘hubba-hubba!’ I’ve AGAIN, not managed to get any sleep due to a dodgy tummy ache. We’ve now found out that i have swollen bowels (sexy i know.) But yeah, i laid there all night, in the dark, glaring at the ceiling with baby Ruby by my right fast asleep. I was all *ouchy* and feeling quite quite sorry for myself, topless, in a diamante necklace, leopard print pants from Matalan 🙂 and in knee high socks. The pain was sooo bad, it felt like early labour ‘ouchies.’ Therefore i reached for the painkillers, cuddled baby Ruby and hoped that the pain would pretty much go the hell away much! I HATE being ILL. It’s like ya body doesn’t want to play along to the merry tune of your life and instead wants to conk out and have a bit of a sit down. I’ve been on total ‘burnout’ right now, therefore like all pains, i’m gonna ram an imaginary label of ‘it’s all down to stress,’ on it and ‘front’ like i’m fine. (I’ve worked the entire time i’ve been ill and yeah, there’s only so many fake smiles and hair-tosses you can perfom when you have swelly, glitzy bowels.)

Okay, on the love front. Keiran totally made it all up to me, by asking me to get a taxi to his after work. (He had spent the evening before getting..well ‘fucked’ i believe is the appropriate word and well because in my mind that’s what he does when he’s stressed.)

Anyway, i got to his (loved my taxi driver and only because he actually had ME as his phone screen saver…notice how i got that in 😉 ) and well when i walked into his house, with what felt like every bag in the history of the world, he was half dangled across the top of his stairway banister telling me to ‘take my coat off’ and come upstairs. I have no idea what he’s up too, but hoping his way of making it up to me, wasn’t going to be the art of giving me his body. Lol. men do that EVERY time. I don’t mind a bit of ‘Team Keiran’..we have an awesome sex life…especially now. But yeah, when ‘sorries; are involved..it takes a little (a lot) more.

Anyway, he had run me a steamy hot bubble bath. The bathroom, (his is dark wood and white) was all dim but candlelit with cozy but tiny orange glows. He handed me over a wine and totally told me to enjoy myself, as he left to give me a time out. I loved it and well it was more the fact that he went out of his way to try and make me smile. I was laid in the bath, with the wine, with the bubbles, in a dark ornage glow of cozy-cozy…then i got bored and figured, moments like that aren’t ever any good, unless you have company. What i had missed was HIM and not a ‘timeout’…so i made him come up to watch me bath (lol) whilst we had chitetr chatter about people going to jail. 🙂 Romantic.

Anyway, afterward he helped me out of the bath, towel patted me dry and lead me to the bedroom…(and i again thought this is the part where he attempts to reward me with his body *rolls eyes* lol..but NO..he told me to lay on the bed and he gave me the yummiest back massage EVER, whilst he discussed why we had argued, how he never wanted it to happen again and we ironed out the kinks verbally over love. I had a beautiful time and well the rest of the evening cuddling, loving each other, wishing the negative would stay out of our relationship, reforming our bond and then having the dirtiest sex EVER. OMG! If we were taking it up a notch before, we’re not totally turning up the heat. I like it mucho much. But ofcourse that part is our time and therefore our little secret. We have amazing bedroom time. It’s on another level completely. We’re a very lucky couple.

The daytime of that day had been quite shit really. I needed the evening in order to make it magical. Infact, i tell a lie, the only good thing about the daytime of that day was my friend Kelly and I talking about emotions and the art of expressing them. I’m either highly expressive or completely guarded. I’m never inbetween, but quite truely BOTH. Like i’m confident, brave, but shy and mildly insecure at times. A bit of everything innt. Which i adore. It keeps me real.

Anyway, Kelly (who is the genius who found me the ‘Toyboy’ warehouse online) told me that she always and quite randomly gets emotional in the bath..(as in when she sexy bathes with her beau Phil.) I don’t know why i found it hilarious but i did. The way my darling kelly explained it was like this ‘Y’see, it’s like a water and Me thing! It must be. I mean LORD HELP me at a pool party.’ LMFAO. I adore her.

THEN she topped off her greatness, by telling me about how she managed to commit to a ‘Fireman Fling’ before she turned 30. I mean, how jealous am I. I haven’t had a flin in forever. I keep accidentally being wildly commited to men. But saying that, i was a beautiful whore of a flooze, in Hollywood. But still….NO FIREMAN FLING and OMG I HAVE FLUNG. How did she managed to ‘one up’ me?? I love it. I mean, i’ve fucking FLUNG. Be they rich men, poor men, hot men, ugly men, old men, young men, gay men, straight men, women, twins…YOU NAME IT, i’ve flinged with it. But NEVER EVER A FLIPPING FIREMAN!!! WTF! Infact, she didn’t have to tell me too much about the glory. Her eyes told the story for her and they told the story perfectly. I actually don’t think i could handle a fireman fling now i’m old. I sat next to her at a desk, stating that i managed to get myself engaged and committed…which would make me a poor excuse for a whore really. (Whilst all this was happening my little Baby Ruby, who i adore more than ever, was sat at nursery with 4 other babies in a dim light, lit my carved pumpkin candles, eating cottage pie and giggling. Pete was somewhere in a village stressing out about life. Keiran [my hubby to be] was now happy we were back to ‘fairytale’ but knackered from his previous evening of ‘party-party’ and I was happy that i had finally conquered life. I’m gonna do the best i can at it.)

Yesterday, i failed at doing the best i can at it. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know whether it was work, or me being ill, or a lack of sleep, missing Ruby, or Keiran, or being hungry, but i threw a wobbly and a half. Holy crap, did i throw one. I was GIANT FUCKIN bitch, hanging up on people, yelling down phones, feeling trapped and wanting to feel the air on my face.

After 6 hours of this wonderful behaviour and a few moans from my mum and Pete (who are fighting) later…i felt better. Happy. Infact Keiran took me out to dinner in order to put a smile on my miserable mug and it did. We’re in love and well i want us to be as happy. We have sooo many people involved in our little shindig, that it’s now getting rather annoying. But whatever, at least we have love and at the end of the day that is what will keep our bond endless.

Anyway, away from all that, i’m completely burnt out. I have swollen bowels, i’m juggling a day job, i’m being a mum, dealing with Pete, trying ot be the perfect daughter, trying to invest time in my love life, balancing my book and the showbizzy stuff, along with life and for the first time, in a long time..and mainly because i feel ill, i’m quite quite stressed, i need more ME TIME. I need a pamper, a chillax and a whole lot of ‘ooh laa.’

Therefore i’ve done what any decent human being would have done at a time like this and booked a spray tan. As surely being a few shades more orange will make the day run a bit more smoothly.

Missing Rubes, loving life, just bought pants, need to get better bowels!


A Quickie Licky


After work last night, my ‘hubby to be’ Keiran, swung by to pick me up for a quick drink before i had to head off home. I’d missed him all day, so just to see him in that moment waiting for me in his car was deliciously uplifting. He’d missed me all day too and well he seemed happy. We were both happy…so we headed off to the nearest ‘stop off’ for drinks and wee’s. 🙂

All was well. We’re in love. We’re bantering. We’re talking about my book. (Which is bizarre to me. I mean, i’m really weird like that. I LOVE talking about myself via my blog and maybe because i can’t see any of you. Lol. Yet when i’m caught up in a normal conversation about myself, or my random accidental achievements, it makes me feel weird. Even though you’d never know it. I can ‘front’ for the world and back, in a smile, giggle and faux fur, if i wanted.) It’s not that i get shy. It’s just that i know about me already. I’d just prefer to know about you. Innit? *Wiggle-wink* AND i’m weirdly more private these days than i ever thought! I’m losing my touch, i swear!! FFs. I@M TRAGICAL!!

Anyway, i need to run, so i’m basically tell you, that our evening turned into a bicker, which turned into a disagreement, where Handsome Keiran embarrassed me by walking out of the bar, in order to apparently avoid a public argument…(he was really just throwing a strop)…and leaving me there to drink my Disarano and coke alone, infront of a mirror, at a high table, by FAMILY PUB curtains, a cooked carvery counter, in my work coat…whilst randoms glared at me for a little bit pretending that they hadn’t seen a thing and whilst he waited in the car, in the rain. Lovely!

Now, i’ll tell you that i’m hardly ever, if NEVER annoyed at him. But today…I am. That’s three times now he’s either disregarded me or dismissed me mid-bicker (when he knows i don’t like it…i don’t even know why he does it)…and well even though he called when he got home, after i walked away from him..laptop in hand, under the stars and i mildy forgave him, due to an apology, in the back of my mind, i just don’t like being treated like that. Therefore i told him that the last 4 boys that i ever so happened to date disregarded me…and well i’m not about to go through that again. That behaviour needs to change. He’s sorry. We’re together. All is okay right now. But still….

All i really want is the fairytale Princess treatment and it’s truely what i believe i deserve. What EVERY girl deserves. (Well apart from the odd weird few of you, who are complete idiotic psychos. 🙂 )

I don’t like bad manners and i certainly don’t like his ‘Team Keiran’ strop. Luckily for him, he has good hair..and a decent tan…so i still love him. 🙂

I  feel like my pride has been mildy toyed with. I don’t like that one bit! I’m a feisty one…and well…i stay at his tonighta.

Not good at the ‘ponder’

Well…I don’t even know where to start because today has been soooo super awful and sooo super boring, that my mind has decided to conk out to the merry sound of ‘Ugh’ much. But whatever i’ll stop moaning because…well at least i still have amazing ‘ooh laa’ regardless as to whether the art of boredom thinks he’ll (noticed that i label him a MAN) get the better of me.

Anyway, yeah…on sunday, was ‘handsome’ Keiran and Baby Ruby’s first day as a team. It was kinda nerve wrecking because it felt odd…like a first date…like…well i can’t describe it. Yet luckily it went really wonderfully, even though poor Keiran initially had my tiny child (who was dressed like half a lamb) GLARE AT HIM silently, until he impressed her by taking her..well both us to Cannon Farm. As soon, as we got there, they were off bonding and looking at goats, guinea pigs and everything inbetween, with snotty noses, giggles and ‘ken Doll’ hair. We’re were actually the hottest little family going. But saying that, we were on a fricking farm. There really aren’t too many beauties loitering such parts. (I was actually quite quiet the entire day…it just all felt scary.) But yeah, Keiran (bless him) really did his absolute best…and well Ruby loved life that day!

We then tottered onward to New Miller Dam, we’re Keiran and I always go, for a little bit of a ‘biddy’ walk in the woods, hand in hand, in the woods. (I’ve  accidentally made it sound like a kinky fairytale.) Yet believe me…it’s just about the freedom. We took Rubes and again they gallavanted off into the distance to look at swans, and climb trees and do whatever else i couldn’t seem to do in hot pink heels.)

The evening came. They both knackered each other out. To the point where they both passed out around me, after an intense playtime and left me to sit alone in the dark and watch cars on the telly, before it was hometime.

My Mum had Rubes that night, in order to Keiran and I to keep our passion alive…and we did. We sat in the living room, ate garlic bread and smooched. We ventured upstairs and had the yummiest bit of sexytime, you could ever imagine. I looked at him differently this time. Like I said and i don’t know why, but i’ve fallen for him MADLY right now, that it could almost get stalky. 🙂 I just looked at him and he looked sooooo FIT, that i could’ve DIED! Now, i don’t know whether it was the anticipation, or the fact that he loved my daughter, or the fact that he really does get me going when he has a spray tan? 🙂 But i am super attracted to him, let alone in love with him right now. We’re best friends, lovers, and a family together and i just couldn’t be with a better boy.

Ruby slept perfectly last night. Pete turned up this morning and decided to be upset at me, due to a text that my mum had sent him. I have all this drama going on around me and for the first time in ages Keirans ventured off to Leicester today and OMG i’ve missed him!! We’re been so close. Infact no, we’re now even closer that he weirdly (and i’m NEVER like this) feels sooo far away. It literally feels like part of me has wondered off for a sec. It’s AWFUL. (I’m in love.)

Anyway, he’s picking me up from work and i’m meant to have pondered by true feelings about how i feel about him going away to work. (He thinks i’m not telling him the truth about how i actually feel and states that he really needs to know, as it will shape his choice making, due to me now being the only thing he loves in life right now.) Now, before i didn’t at all bothered me. Not at all. I’m not sure why it didn’t. But it didn’t. Now…and because i’ve gone at got myself all attached to him, the simply thought of him actually being away for ages and ages, makes me just feel sick to my stomach. But i’m one to always sort of try and look out for the best interests of others and i just prefer people to make their own choices in life and choose their own path, right? I mean, i have no problem with him tottering away for a bit, to make some moola. I’ll miss him…but it’s worth it.

I’m finding the pondering difficult..and i have about an hour and a half to come up with some kinda ‘truth.’

Other than that, i’ve just been forwarded my fan mail and well…you know you’ve made it when you have a random card that reads nothing but ‘Chrissie Wunna gives me a boner’ followed by a *smiley face?* It’s quite high up here reigning from the lofty heights of Greatness. *Rolls eyes*

Another message read, ‘Hi sex, h r u u r hot grl me hansum i mis u’ 🙂 Nice! I’m obviously an inspiration.

I’m currently waiting to find out a publishing date for MY BOOK. UGH! I’m so frustrated!! It’s taking ages!!! I need my wisdom in book form goddamitt!!


Keiran & Rubes

‘B’ is for Busy

Morning my little ‘coochies’ of coo. I’m in a mad mad rush and i can’t at all find the time to blog out my life, in this moment, due to laying awake all night, next to my tiny baby Ruby, who slept through the ENTIRE evening, with her hand on my heart…trumping. It’s odd laying awake in the dark, glaring at the ceiling at 3.12am, next to something you love so dearly, (be it a child, a boy, or boozy shag, or a memory) that’s fast asleep…all calm and at peace. I had tummy ache all ngith. NOT HOT. I think i just need to remember to eat more if i’m going to court booze.

I ended up at The Castle, with my hubby to be ‘Keiran’ last night after work. It was warm, cozy and we were sat having drinks and dinner by an open fire. I’m madly in love with him right now to the point where it’s almost (and i do laugh about it) silly. It’s not a position i love and simply because i lose myself completely and surrender to my not so good freind, that cunt Cupid. 🙂 On the whole…i’m happy and well i have the hottest hubby to be EVER.

We did wine and shots and food,within what seemed like a Christmasy ambiance. I bought us pink champagne with dinner and we guzzled and giggled with it…as we talked about the fruit of my glitzy loins! (Even though the waitress ruined our champers moment by telling him how much it cost, moaning about it, talking about how ‘hard done by’ she was, after judging our relationship lol and then moving the bucket of booze over to my side, so Keiran wouldn’t drink any of it. LOL.) If i ask for a champagne list, the answer ‘WHY?’ Really shouldn’t be the correct reply. 🙂 I’m Chrissie Wunna, let me buy booze and then deliver it…with a QUIET…smile. 🙂 I mean she even invited herself to the wedding.)

Keiran had his first day with Ruby at the weekend…and well, i’ll tell you all about it later, as time is getting the better of me right now. But it was magical..and there were pigs. 🙂 He really did an amazing job at ‘stepping in’ as Daddy…a bit too amazing. But i’m impressed because it’s a difficult thing to do. Yet like i said, he’s one of those ‘can do’ boys. Wants to be GREAT at everything. Ruby loved him…and even mildy perved on him a little. You can tell she’s mine, every moment she could attempt to kiss him and get his pecs out…she did. Be it by goats, ducks…or mummy. 🙂

Anyway, i’ll tell you about it later. I’ve godda dash. I will tell you that our romance is blooming, yeah…we’ve only been together 8 weeks. I’m engaged. I’m happy. And we’ve turned our tremendous sex life UP A NOTCH. 🙂 We have AMAZING sexual chemistry and in a way it adds that bit of lust, to our little bit of randonly innocent love. (I’m not excited about him going away.)

I hope you find your happy.

Big winks


Ps/ You are reading this with 20,000 other people, on EVERY continent of the world, who between you speak 40 different languages. Therefore whether your a little Japanese school girl, getting her Wunna fix via her iphone, or a German soldier, perving on a pretty…thankyou for following my life.

All good in the hood…

Evening my tiny ‘wiggles’ of ultimate deliciousness. I haven’t been able to blog as efficiently as i’d want, to due my laptop *middle-fngering* me and conking out whenever it fucking wants and without my permission. Infact, so much has happened, that i wouldn’t even know where to begin. But i will say that i’m slowly morphing back into the pussycat legend that i once was. Having a bambino really does alter your ‘ooh laa’ a great great deal. However now, i’m getting my strut back into play and well i have never loved being a ‘Mummy’ MORE than i do now. *Holds M.I.L.F sign above her head, beckons fun-with a wiggle and a wink*

Anyway…yeah i’ve been working, but that part has been boring. I work hard and long, but i truely believe that humans weren’t born for hard labour. Especially those of the Glamour Puss variety. I just want to be wonderful. I want to live and throw skin to the wind. Love my new ‘handsome’ Keiran like no-one could ever love a man and be the best mum in heels ever to my glitzy ‘DIVA’ Rubes…everyone’s favourite ‘almost’ 8 month old. Add rum to all that and ‘good times’ in the spare bits and you have life. Luckily i’ve managed to build a horrific reputation of glitter ridden, wine stained, soiled, yet glamourously tangoed and usually with ‘arm candy’ greatness. I don’t have to do much now to be a legend. 🙂 I walk out the door and people talk and maybe that’s the way i like it. The good thing about being a wonderful ‘Attention whore’ is that if you’re actually ace, you will finally beable to gather up the ‘looks’ and the ‘ooh faces’ without you having to ‘whore’ yourself out for them. I haven’t cried over a boy, or wee’d myself in public for ages in nipples? 🙂 And why? Well now, and at the glitzy age of 30…i don’t fucking have tooooo. Yippppeeee!

On the love front…Well I got home from work the other night. I can’t remember which night because one of the nights i tended to bein gill, but managed to get advice from friends who told me to have a yager bomb/lemsip combination in order to cure my soul. Bizarrely it worked…and i even subbed it with gin. Now i’m fine…after a bit of  lying and skivving.

But yeah, Keiran had actually cooked me dinner that night. I mean, how sweet and how lucky really. He always claims he can’t cook, but it seems he’s one of those boys that can do anything and everything well. He just pretends he can’t…then performs like a champion. Kinda feels weird having someone do something for you, when you’re little Chrissie Wunna. I’m quite an independant creature and i’ve been fiercely self sufficient all my life. I’ve had to be. Well chose to be..with my good friend rum and my other friend sex. 🙂 I’m used to taking care of everyone. Therefore although i adore being treated like the Princess that I am. It takes a lot for me to be accepting of it.

Keiran and I are madly in love. We’re realziing how involved people are being with our relationship. Everyone seems to have something to say. Be it good or bad. But we’re lucky and i know we are. We have a romatical bond of magic. I say it all the time but because i cannot even believe it myself. He’s done everything right and cherished me. hence why i’m going to be his wifey. But anyway, we’ve enjoyed the last couple of days with each other. Done lunches, drinks, dinners, booze, walks in the woods and surprises.  We’ve enjoyed our bits of sexy sexy time. He loves it all the time…as do I. But i tell you between the sheets our ‘team’ is ‘gooooood mama.’ (‘Keiran! Your willy’s done a sick on me again.’) We’ve had fun moments, good moments, hard moments and romantic moments. Moments by lakes away from everything, where it was just under the sky, by the woodlands..at peace in the wind. He hasn’t gone away yet to work. And now…unlike before i’m not really too forward to it.

I mean, since he said he was going to work away. We’ve had random bits of bicker. We don’t do that ever. We never have, until now. We only do it, because we haven’t really addressed how i might truely feel about it all and i can’t because i’ll miss him. We’re both people who fight for what we love…therefore we’ve bickered, yet go over it. We’re AMAZING, right now and i trust that we will be together forever…with our 402 little kiddie winkles. I’m hardcore broody right now.

Infact, i’ve just got back from the pub. We were both there talking about love and life. I feel in love and i feel like i couldn’t be with a better man. (Even though he said i’m not as affectionate as i make out.) I always thought i was? Kinda makes me feel a bit bad. I mean no-one wants the ‘handsome’ she loves to feel mildy jipped of affection. I want him to think that i’m an amazing wife to be. I want to feel 100% loved.

We enjoyed lunch. Accidentally bumped into work friend ‘Neil.’ He made our entire evening simply by doing his bumping into Keiran and saying ‘Where’s the misses??’ This is gonna sound tragic and mildy bizarro. (And you can all be gay with a dildo on top.)  But for the first time in my entire life,  It kinda feels WONDERFUL to be referred to has Keirans little ‘Misses!!’ I LOVE IT. Infact it made BOTH of our nights. We’ve never been so happy and boogied all the way home in the car, under the stars.

I’ve got loads to tell you, but right now i just can’t get it all out. I’ve just had my little bundle of Ruby dropped off to me and well right now, all i want is ‘baby-mumma’ time. I LOVE IT.

The future hubby…. i adore him mucho..

Keeping it sexy.


‘You do know that i can’t just impregnate the nearest bird, Wunna??’ Explained the now reformed Karl Pearce to the little Glamour Puss with slanted eyes (not crotch) after pouring out his emotional history to her via the fine art fo Facebook chatting. (An art that i have begun to appreciate a great deal. If you know me, i’m crap at answering my phone, or texting back when you need me too. If you recieved regular calls, or a stream of texts from me and i’m not drunk, you’re highly priviledged, because i’m horrid at it. However not because i’m a twat. It’s simply because i enjoy good-ish manners and when i’m with people, i can’t really be a texting non-stop, now can i? And i’m always with people…even if they are imaginary. 🙂 )

Apparently my friend Karl, who walked into a glass door in Manchester, after partying with me at the Casino, is now ‘not a cunt?’ He’s managed to find himself and be all goodie-goodie…y’know take a page out of my old book. The bizarre thing is that i never actually noticed that he was a ‘cunt?’ I always thought he was quite sweet, (even if i did call him a ‘sex pest.’) At the time i was probably a bit lost too, and when you are, you can never recognize another lost person, because they seem quite utterly normal to you. Lol. I had Ruby and my whole entire being changed. I told him he needed to find a bird, love her and become a ‘Daddy.’ Hence the merry ‘opener’ to this little blog. I love it when people open up their entire heart and i reply with one humourous, tragic, bimbo sentence, like ‘Oh? Hurry up and do it then.’

Anyway, i’ve had another amazing day today. I’ve worked hard. I now have loads of glitzy projects tucked under my belt. I’m sitting my half eaten apples, an empty coffee mug, a leopard print makeup bag and chocolates and a random boy on Facebook is asking me if i need him to be my slave…as another one pretends to be engaged to me and the boy i’m actually really engaged too (which is Keiran) tells me he will by me wine, but i’m a 4/10. 🙂 Busy day. LMAO.

I can’t wait for the book. I can’t wait to shoot the calender. I’m getting back into work, and my day job is now being boring. Infact, i told people off today via cyberland for being two faced. I like it when i whop out a bit of honesty. It shocks people and when people are shocked..it means they don’t tell the truth, or don’t know i roll. (God my ‘updo’ i msaking me ‘DIVA.’)

I knew today was gonna be a good day simply because any day that begins with you having to blow dry your own crotch area, because your leggings, that you ‘just needed to wear’ are not fully dry…but only damp on the crotch part, means greatness. Ruby was still fast asleep before her big morning nursery run and there i was on the cream carpet on my landing, in my updo, a bra, and my leggings…blow drying my crotch and trying to be quiet about it, so i didn’t disturb ‘Lil’ Wunna.’ Great day! But really. I’m not at all being sarcastic. My mum arrived and we all tottered baby Ruby off to nursery merrily, as I took pictures. Pete’s feeling mildy left out because he often attempts to make out that i apparently ‘can’t cope.’ The whole point is that i can and always do and that is what hurts him. Yet things are much better now I made the perfect decision for my bambino. I adore her. I look at her and know life is perfect. I mean, when she giggles and babbles along to ‘Twinkle Twinkle’ and thinks she’s really singing i melt. I’m rubbish at being strict. When i love, be it my family, my daughter,  my lover…i love hard. I can always tell if i don’t care about someone..coz i boss them about without reason.

Tonight, i’m with my ‘handsome’ Keiran. We hung out last night, watched a bit of telly, cuddled, he told me he would always love me and he’d miss me when he had to go. He hasn’t yet gone…and because he just didnt’ feel ready yet. It’s weird because we can tell that we’re gonna get pulled apart soon. We can feel it. But it’s wonderful because it makes our bond stronger than ever. I have the most amazing man. The most romantic little ‘so & so’ that i have promised to love forever. We’re amazing. The most deliciously marvellous couple. Yet he’s starting to get a mildy pissed off with random or not so random boys hitting on his wifey, when THEY ALREADY KNOW, i’m going to be his wifey. Weird how people do that innit. Bad form. But whatever, he knows i’ll never leave him and simply because he put my hand on his heart and told me not to break it. When someone does that, you kinda have to whole heartedly be there’s and i have no problem with that at all. I can’t wait!!!

I really can’t think of any else i needed to tell you. I’m not even drunk and i can’t fucking remember? I have a lot  going on and it’s all getting really exciting.

Wish upon stars and make your dreams come true. I did…and well once the ball starts rolling, be it ‘disco’-‘moss’-or ‘sweaty’ it really doesn’t stop. Make the most of your time on this earth ball. You might as well. It’s all you have and all you have that is yours. LIFE! Live it and love (dirtily) a little. *Wiggle-giggle-wink* It’s all about what you make of it, and well if you are going home to no-one, or not feeling fully loved, or wallowing at rock bottom, with a ‘loser’ sign, a face pack, a Pot Noodle or a dildo. Either embrace it, bounce back from it, hope for the best, or do gin. Yet don’t hate on me…for not being there with you. 🙂

Wunna Land is on fire… I LOVE THE MAGIC!!

Baby Ruby on her nursery run this morning!



It’s a coming together…

Well heeellllooo, my little drizzles of ‘mucho mucho’ Mummy love. What a weekend! I mean, i can honestly say that i’m in a rather GREAT mood today, which makes a delicious change to my usual ‘having to do Monday’ bully-shiiitoo, so i’m gonna embrace it, and go with the whole ‘happy’ thing and why not i’m a dolly with an accidentally ACE life…i’m loving it, therefore join me.

Okay, so Friday i managed to get out of work early, due to my AMAZING ‘handsome’ the ‘can do’ man of my dreams making a phone call and getting me a green light of freedom. NOW ANY MAN, that can get you out of work early by calling your boss and making him submit to his own powers of suggestion is a keeper! I love that about Keiran. He (like Moi) knows how to get what he wants fearlessly. Like i can properly rely on him to ‘get the job done,’…and with a swagger. I finally have what i will call a champion ‘other half’ who i’m actually impressed by. We’re deadly similar and are therefore uncontrollable and unstoppbale. There’s no getting past my *wink* or his *charm*…add my baby Ruby to the equation (who is my ultimate WORLD of amazeballs…God i love her) and you’re all pretty much f*****! The combination’s far too delicious for you fight. Then if we add ‘good hair’ to all that, you really are done for, you’ll be eating out the palm of our hands.

Infact, if i’m honest Keiran and I fought all Friday night, due to our stubborness. We have the exact same strop of firecracking passion. He got upset because after wine, i told him about some random footballer who was hitting on me. I’m one of those foolishy honest kitty cats. I’ll tell you all about me, even if i shouldn’t. He didn’t like it…it hurt his feelings, (Keiran Loves hard) and well we had a bit of a juicy bicker. 🙂 A BIG ONE! Now our bubble of love is usually always romantic. We have an amazing bond, an amazing relationship. It’s on another level to most others in love and because we have an unbreakable, TO DIE FOR bond, that cannot be put into words..it’s electric.

Anyway..and because of that bond, we made up immediately and BOY did we make up. 😉 I laid in bed with him that night, spooning him and I remember thinking that i couldn’t BE with a better boy. I felt lucky to have him and knew it was my duty to look after him emotionally. We laughed about it next morning. Infact, Keiran has this random *buzz* of enegery running through him and the moment that we made up, he felt alive again, it tingled through him madly. He grabbed my hand, whilst we were naked in bed, placed it on his heart and said ‘I can feel it again. We’re back.’ It’s magical, we’re living a fairytale.

From that point on we we’re back to soaring on Cloud 9 MADLY, playfully and in love. We had an AMAZING DAY! We lunched, cuddled and made our world worth it. Then i went  home to my little baby Ruby. My world could not be better. I feel like i have almost EVERYTHING. (I always say ‘almost’ because its good to want more, when you’re young and still blessed with a *wiggle* in ya walk. :)) *Grabs faux fur, kicks you out of her bubble*

Long story short, we went to a beautiful lunch together, talked about romance, had wine, laid in the sun, followed by a trip to the park to sit in the gardens. We enjoyed dinner, chilled at New Miller dam, cuddled, held each other like nothing else mattered in the entire world. We have a bubble and when we’re in it, we hate anyone else trying to *bounce* in. I’m always impressed by Keiran and it’s been a looong time since a guy has ever impressed me. I am the luckiest kitten alive.

We had the best ex ever. He told me how much he loved me. (He got his first ‘Wunna Blow job. Lol.) Then we laid on the rug, on the floor infront of his fireplace, cuddling and tending to the magic, that is ‘the bubble.’

Other than all that, (and remember that my laptop i currently fuckeds, meaning i can hardly type on it, without it conking out.) I’ve managed to have a fight. I’m feisty and outpoken and i’ll never let anyone ever THINK that they are ever gonna get away with attempting to ‘push me around.’ My outfit alone trumps their life, so it really is a futile battle. My Gay Friend ‘Adam’ is hilarious walking ‘The Great Wall of China’ right now for charity. I love it mucho. Makes me laugh. He called to tell me that his apparent’ Challenge of the Day’ was to have his picture taken with a different Chinese person a day? Not being funny or anything but how is that a CHALLENGE when you’re in CHINA?? I told him that having his piccie with a ramdon Jamaican person, a day…in China would be more ‘Blue Peter badge’ worthy! LMAO. Or a ‘Chrissie Wunna lookalike.’

I’m being in love. My world is perfect. I’m completely and UTTERLY enjoying being a MUMMY right now and i’m quite keen to mother an AMAZING family. I’ll rock a family of baby Diva’s. Ruby is PURRFECT. I’ve finally managed to ACCIDENTALLY have everything i ever wanted. My book’s in publishing. I’m waiting for a release date. I have an interview with a journalist in New York, in regards to my apparent kitty cat achievements and my blog.  I shoot for my calendar, home life is goodie, love life is a marvel, work is easy, i have great hair 🙂  and well Life is all coming together and dollies i have NEVER been happier. (Infact, yesterday i was in a meeting pretending to listen, but actually BBMing little George sampson, about life. I love our random bits of life that we do together. I’d look up every once in a while, pull a ‘diva’ face, agree to things…Lord know what and then continue bbming. I@m like a child. But fit. 🙂 )

Y’know, the good thing about life is that once in a while and in the middle of the ordinary, love pops up and gives us a fairytale. I’m celebrating mine. ENJOY yours!! I see far too many broken people refusing to let it in, or just people you know are far too emotionally injured to be likeable. They don’t have the secret to life and that’s why kitty cats of the ‘Wunna’ variety get ahead. I LOVE BEING ME and there’s nothing ANYONE can do about it, but watch. 🙂 *Giggles*


Magical Proposals and Ring buying.


Helllooo my sexy little imps of ‘ooh laa.’ Okay, yesterday evening, whilst you were having a bit of tea with a loved one, having a ucppa tea, to the next episode of ‘Corrie,’ wishing for better times and staying stuck in rush hour traffic, in order to avoid ‘the Mrs.’ I…was probably the luckiest little puss of ‘glamour’ in this entire world. (Well if i’m honest i was on a horrific ‘fat burner’ come down. However, that doesn’t take away the fact that my glitzy little self is fucking lucky right now!) I’M IN LOVE!

Work ended. Already in the day i had been brought the most beautiful flowers, by my most beautiful ‘handsome,’ who i can’t help but be madly..and i mean MADLY in love with. The good Lord, with a side of ‘Cupid’  couldn’t even put me with a more perfect man. It’s like i’ve searched my entire life, for this one guy who could quite impossibly ‘tick’ all the boxes. He found me and luckily, i made his heart melt. He had always apparently sworn that he would NEVER get married, or settle down with anyone…EVER…really. But after 5 and a bit weeks and a wiggle…he found himself proposing to little ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ Makes me feel special and because it all happened by a magical bit of ‘fated’ accidental luck.

After work…he waited for me outside in the car. I slipped in, with my flowers in tow, and he told me that we were going to Leeds to tend to a bit of ‘shopping..’ as in ‘ring’ shopping. I completely adore my handsome Keiran, i call him ‘my little boy’ and i love our ‘love.’ Know that we have something that other couples don’t have. Adore being newly engaged to him. Can’t wait to be his wife. But OMG…the ‘ring shopping’ terrifies me.

It’s weird because i’m a great deal different to how others may percieve. I couldn’t even summon my inner ‘DIVA.’ I was terrified, because i was overwhelmed with love and well…although i’ve been proposed to exactly 21 times now…i have never ever done this ‘part’ before. It’s magical and sometimes magic gets the better of you. I remember looking at him and thinking i couldn’t find a more perfect man.

We get to our destination to symbolize our new love with ‘bling.’ We’re both kinda chipper, excited, in love…but can’t for the life of us figure out how to lock the damn car. 🙂 Welcome to our world.

Anyway, i’ll fast forward…we get to the jewellers and we’re placed away from the madness, by a decorative wall, facing each other, at a tiny precious table, in the perfect lighting, by a mirror, and are given pink champagne to pretty much sip as we try on engagement rings! (We’re both well aware of the fact that the booze is a jolly old part of the ‘sales pitch-spenda-thol.’ However we weirdly didn’t care. I mean you can’t put me nbear booze anyway and have me not like it. But Keiran looked at me, all overwhelmed, and happy. Infact, he looked at me like i was the only thing that mattered in that entire moment and OMG was it a moment.)

I was so overwhelmed by it all, due to the fact that i couldn’t even believe how amazingly romantic everything was. It kinda made me shy, so i forced him to do the narrowing down, as i modelled them under my little floozy slanted shy eyes. We were sipping champagne, filled with love and having diamonds, in the form of rings brought to us, in delicate trays for us to pick from.

I tried them on, he didn’t want to pick for me. I didn’t want to pick at all, because it makes me feel awful just picking something for someone to buy. I’m not good at it at all. But anyway, it was magical. The lady brought our more options, the manager brought us more champagne…i tried on diamond wedding bands, with perfect engagement rings and lived in a little dolly bubble of ultimate bliss. We just kept looking at each other and smiling.

Kerian..and after a mild while, picked the ring. (he actually got quite into it, half way through the choosing. I wanted HIM to pick it because in a way, it would feel far more special to me, knowing that i’m ‘his.’)

I looked at him across our little table and he looked rigth back with a ‘do you like it?’ I nodded, and giggled and just like that, with another champagne pour, it was swept away, paid for and boxed up forever!

Our entire relationship has been built on magical moments and i just filled up with emotion in the jewellers. It was like a dream. We cuddled. We got excited and we commited to the art of *smooching.’ AMAZING!!

From that point on you couldn’t tear us apart even if you tried. We kissed everywhere and anywhere that would let us and soared on Cloud 9 for a whole delicious while. Getting the ring, weirdly makes everything seem real…officially, like you’re really doing it.

Anyway, if you think THAT was it, then you’d be wrong. Not only did we do champagne and ring buying…in a moment of utter love. But Keiran, THEN takes me to what he calls one of his favourite places, where you are literally on top of the world and guided by the Gods.

It’ s now night, and there’s the most gorgeous full moon, by tiny stars that are littering a navy blanket of sky. We pull up and he takes my hand. We go on a little walk…a little walk upward. (I’m in 9 inch heels 🙂 ) We’re hand in hand, admiring the world, in love and probably feeling the closest we have ever felt.

He walks to the very TOP of a castle, where from the top you can watch over the entire world and be the only two people standing there under the moon and the night stars.

We get to the top and he tells me how much he loves me. Then after a cuddle, a breath and a moment to take it all in, he gets down on one knee, with the boxed ring in his hand and ‘re-asks me to marry him.’ AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I just look at him and immediately say ‘Yes!!’ He places the ring on my finger and from that point onward, i feel like i became his wife.

Therefore on Thursday Oct.13th (My Daddy’s Birthday) ‘handsome’ Keiran, ring shopped and re-proposed to his little Glamour Puss, Chrissie Wunna, under the stars, on a full moon, after champagne and around 8pm at the every top of a castle on one knee.

We had a celebratory drink and i then went home to my baby Ruby.

Life just couldn’t be better! I guess he really did ‘put a ring on it. ‘

When the magic happens…


Welcome, my lush lick factories of ‘hey HEY hey.’ Having one of those busy-ish days at the office, where you find yourself wishing for far more exciting times and also wish you didn’t take that ‘fat burner’ pill that Natalie gave you, as when one is then told to count pound coins, it makes you cracked out. Lol

Last night, after work, ‘Handsome Keiran’ took me out for dinner, wine and to talk ‘the future.’ I’d never seen him so excited. In the last few weeks he’s managed to get everything he ever wanted. A future wife, the perfect job and a bucket load of happiness to go with it.

We talked, we loved, we made ‘magic’ and memories happen, by a bar side. (Even though he did try to publically ‘fell me up’. He gets like that when he’s chipper.) Anyway, he told me how much i meant to him and how if I didn’t want him to go away he wouldn’t.

Now, i know men better than i know anything. I’ve encountered so many of you all i probably know gents better than i know myself. Therefore after dinner and drinks, and whilst we were tucked up in bed talking, i told him that a successful man, a GREAT man, is one that has the ideal balance of a treasured ‘peronal’ life (meaning ME 🙂 ) and a thorough work life. The thing that they WANT to do, in order to feel like a man. He is  FINALLY lucky enough to have BOTH…therefore it would be really stupid for him not to go away. I’m used to dating men who work away and used to working away myself. I understand him, love and life…and with that and actually after a lot of bickering. (We bickered, if not fought last night for the first time because we broke the rule of ‘opening up.’ We forgot to, because the shock of him leaving, got the better of us. Therefore there were tantrums, tears, love, wise words, then happiness.

We’re really lucky to have what we have and well we promised to love each other forever and live our fairytale the way we’re supposed too!

[sexytime happened here.]

Today, he drove me into work. I’d been quiet through the journey there, simply because i was going to miss him. I mean i’m happy for him, but i’m GOING to miss him.

After a couple hours and when i was in the upstairs office. He knocked on the door, whilst i was pound coin counting, on my fat burner pill. (Never again.) In his hands was the most beautiful giant arrangement of flowers, with a card saying that he would ‘love me forever.’

OMG!!! I DO NOT KNOW HOW i managed to get sooo lucky. He is my absolute PERFECT MAN. I’ve never ever been treated this well by a handsome in my ENTIRE LIFE…and well thank the good LORD that i’m going to be that mans WIFEY! It’s a fairytale and couldn’t have been written again better.

How does he know how to do love this well? I will love this man til the day i die! It all just feels magical. I’m one lucky kitty cat!