I want outside…

 

OH MY GOD!!! I am currently trapped in a sweaty office, all on my lonesome, with a giant pile of worky -work to tend to, with ‘One Direction’ in the background (not the real life boyband as i’d be getting arrested for having unhealthy kitty cat thoughts that could put Gary Glitter to shame ..plus i’d just be weird having them finger clicking and swaying in the background to my life mid crisis)  in a rather glamourous office school girl pinny (even if i do say so myself) whilst EVERYONE else that i could possibly know…Infact a juicy bundle of ‘ I don’t knows’ can be added to that bit of joy also ARE ALL OUT and ABOUT in the flipping fricker-doo-dee sunshine (Note: the ONLY sunshine we have had the entire season) drinking pear cider! UGH!!! (I don’t even drink cider EVER. But i would right now. I want OUT!!)

What makes it even more joyous is that below me i have the entire luck of the ‘Karma Gods’ fucking with my entire being, by placing steroidy looking, old men in lycra, who can’t refrain from lungeing and squatting to fun JLO tracks in the name of fitness. I have a bit of boob out today…because it’s what i do. These sweaty lycra men, like this. When i totter by them, trying to hold life together in a calm unsensible fashion, whilst keeping my day job a float, they *wink* at me like i might want them and that they could make my entire life complete. Nice! HAHA. My goal in life is to one day BE a dodgey old man in lycra. My boobs are bitches. They giggle out of politeness, then spit at them from afar. Lol.

Bottom line ..you’re in a beer garden, at a beach, in some tropical part of the world, tanning, drinking, having a randy old time, whilst reading my glitzy blog on your iphone, laptop, Lord knows where…and well i’m NOT! (We all know i despise being trapped, not being in the sun and not having fun. Oh and being  completely sober. Today is not good. I want treats and an Evian spritz. NOW!)

To make it all worse..(i’m on one)…i’ve been invited everywhere today, to enjoy the rays with a wine. To parties, to pubs, to exotic lands, to my boyfriends friends garden for cider 🙂 and into an apparent pretend relationship with a guy i don’t at all know on Facebook, who believes i’m ‘in a relationhisp’ with him Lol…(he is actually quite *sizzle*…so i don’t really mind too much. I forgive the pretty people because i’m shallow on bad days, like today when i need sun. His names ‘Hunter Bravo’ …surely he’s fictional?

But anyway, i’m over complaining because i’ve just recieved a happy work phone call, meaing that i’ve done a good job. Lord knows how. I guess pretending to work hard, really does profit. 🙂 I’m happy now. But still want sun and booze. Not cider, i’m over cider. I’m far too bouji to take in that calorie pour down.

New ‘Handsome’ Keiran…who has been cleaning things in his garden on his day off with his friend ‘Turner’ and beer has managed to show up for a quick smooch with The Wunna. I love that he does that. It’s cute and hot all in one and even though he moaned a little bit about me rambling on about him crying the other night ( Lol) …he liked it really. *Wiggle-wink.* We’re both in good moods today because he’s no longer ill, and i’m no longer bitchy. We had a horny phone conversation last night, after he took me for late afternoon,  sunshine drinks which always works well for us. 🙂 I’m lloving being with him right now and just because it feels right. I mean, fuck it…you only life once…why not ‘do love’ the best way you know how..which for us has so far been the ‘fast lane.’ (I’ve been picked on today due to the fact that Keiran and i apparently look like an Asian Barbie and a Robotic Ken Doll. We also apparently can’t hold conversations with one another due to the fact that ‘the grooming’ process and hairspray gets the better of us.) BEFORE, i’d always *tut-tut* such nonsense. However now that i think about it…during a Kerian/Chrissie (eww..i put his name before mine) morning…there is actually a great deal of grooming that goes on. And we fucking LOVE IT. 🙂

What i like about this boy is that he’s an ‘action’ boy…He’s by all means a talker..(and he would need to be otherwise we’d just be a six pack and tits)..but he’s not what i call  ‘all talk.’ He’s a DOER. He’ll literally show me how much he cares, without me having to prompt him…before he even tells me and I like that. It’s like dating myself.  [Do gin here] Anyway right now we’re good…and we’re hanging out later on tonight after i’ve finished working. UGH! We’ve kinda just got on with ‘love’ and wiggled our way through it quite easily. Infact we’re kinda proving that the stupid games that people play and all the stupid time that people waste *umming and arring* is absolutely pointless. Go with what you feel fearlessly. Love it. Life it. Be happy!

(I’m currently trying to find my friend ‘Amber’  a date for tonight. I know boys…lots of them, however she is refraining from being specific? All that is required is, ‘hot…cute and not a chav.’ Lol Im chick friends are total lame-o’s when it comes to boys. They blush and everything and let boys be evil to them for kicks. HAHA. They’ll hate me for saying that. Infact, my other friend Lisa is currently weighing herself.)

I don’t even know whatelse to tell you other than during this blog time, i’ve managed to find my Friday feeling again. Yay! I need a drink. I need a bit of sun. I need to buy some pants and well life is certainly delicious! *Giggle*

Let’s ‘Do Life’

 

Last night was AMAZING. (Okay, we’re having truely delicious weather right now and i did want to wallow on about that for a good long while. Plus, I took my baby Ruby to her first day at nursery today..which although nervy, was all kinds of marvellous all at the same time. Lord knows what they must have thought of me in my 9 inch heels and giant ‘draggy’ updo…by a ball pool and teddies that play nursery rhymes. However, first le tme back track to ‘last night.’)

Okay incase you didn’t know, i’ve been dating this boy. The ‘Handsome’ one that is pretty much ‘just like me.’ I haven’t told you too much about it all or him, out of mild respect to Pete. However, now that i’ve realized how much of a let down Peter has been to me. (Don’t get me wrong, i’ve enjoyed the time we did have together.) I’ve decided to go with ‘fuck it’ and tell you about it all anyway. I’m a blogger. A Life blogger…it’s kinda what i do. Innit?  (Pete decided that buying shorts to box in was more important that buying food for his baby today and then thought that maybe using his own money to buy himself food was an impossiblity and figured he needed to use MINE..as always..to ‘get by’ when he already owes me hundreds?) At first and after my rubbish relationship with Boyband Jonny, i really thought Pete was going to be wonderous. However what i found about him was that he never really intended to ‘take good care’ of me. He wanted me to ‘take good care’ of him and financially. He loved me..yes..but managed to tell me everything i wanted to hear, instead of telling me the truth. We’ll always hand hold through each others lives, in order to raise our delicious bit of daughter, to the best of our ability. We just. Well i’m just… and in the nicest possible way….better off without.

At the end of the day. I’m a girl. A Glamour puss. We want to be cherished, adored, appreciated and looked after and even though i’m quite the ‘Mz.Thang. I’m not too tough or too bitter to warm heartedly let a ‘handsome’ care for me properly. That little ‘Loverboy’ chapter (as nice as it was)  is now fully over and well i have the most beautiful little girl out of it. Everything in my life, really does happen for a reason. However now…Wunna Land moves on. 😉

Okay, last night i laid in the bed of my new ‘handsome.’ The new ‘handsome’ and I..who i refer to as ‘Team Keiran’..just get on like a house of fire. We have a strong friendship, a fiery bond and a tender giggly softness..thats dashed over with that bit of ‘sexual.’ 🙂 We’ve been together for about a month and it has been AMAZING.

Last night, we had a quiet moment where i silently looked at him as we talked and i realized how much he actually loved me. We’re quite sickenningly ‘lovey-dovey’ anyhow. (I mean he cherishes me, surprises me, buys me flowers and wins my heart over every time.) But we had a really ‘real’ moment yesterday evening. The telly was on in the background. (He has one that folds down from his bedroom ceiling and we’re naked inbetween his black sheets snuggling…and well he was moaning about being ill.) Now, i can’t tell you what we were talking about. However, when we did..and it came out of nowhere, the thought of him actually not being with me actually made him cry. 🙁

This is not behaviour that you would EVER expect from him at all. He’s like I am. We’re both quite ‘show man-show man.’ Yet i guess there’s a crazy soft side to us both, but only with each other. Lol. (Yes, we are mentally ill.)

Bottom line, lots of things happened that evening. Great stories, laughter, looking after and great sex. But in that moment where there were tears and Wunna cuddles for him…( i LOVE a man who has no fear of expressing..even though he did try to blame it on a *yawn*at first…like we do. 🙂 ) I kinda just *paused* realized how much he actually cared for me. Then realized how Pete or any other boy (apart from my ex-husband Michael) never ever cried, or even battered a brow, EVEN WHEN i left them…and i figured…especially since he has done nothing but look after me and treat me like an utter Princess. (‘No other girl i have ever met has even a patch on you Wunna.’) I’d be really really stupid if i didn’t love him forever.

I already do love him. (Well done Wunna.) He was actually shocked that i would care for him the way that i do and claims it’s really great having the girl you adored, adore you right back.  Therefore we agreed to ‘do life’ with each other. I already LOVE the balance of us. It’s everything all in one. We’re becoming mildy inseparable and well even if you pull away all the ‘love me, love you’ shit..we have an wonderful friendship. We’re crazily similiar and if i had ever met my match…this gent would be it. Oh and bitches…he’s FIT!!! (We showered. I reminded him of it. 🙂 )

I’ll fill you in later. Great weather. Looking forward to the weekend. I guess my story doesn’t ever end? EXCITED about this one. We’ll see. 😉

 

The Old Razzle Dazzle

Much better, my little kittens of ‘hubba-hubba.’ I certainly got to a *shimmie-shaking* the blues away and perked up a charm. Worked nothing more than boobies, heels and a giggle today and felt like the Queen of the World. Once the week kicks in, i’m usually quite dandy. Like i said before…Monday’s always get the better of me and because there’s nothing worse to me, than having to drag my kitty cat arse into work after a pile on of fun. I’m not one for hard labour. (Unless it’s glitzy hard labour.) But i’m working lots right now and keeping life a float. I much much much preferred my ‘Lady of leisure’ days and i’d give anything to wallow in them again. I think i only enjoy being extremely POWERFUL or do nothing at all. Lol. I was never one to swing on the fence. I’m ALL or NOTHING baby…and bitches I love it. Much happier today and far less restricted.

Lots of you won’t know and mainly because i’ve refrained from gobbing off about it too much, but i had a bit of an anniversary today with a ‘handsome’ of my choice. A bizarrely exciting phone conversation happened last night, where we were both laid on our beds ‘OMG’ -ing and ‘WTF’-ing at each other at how CRAZILY delicious we were being. We sort of *nudge* each other that little bit further…out of excitement, swirled in whirlwind, then laugh. It kinda changed the temperature of everything, in the very best of ways. Hence why today, we were BOTH in the greatest of spirits.

As promised i WILL tell you this story one day, however just not yet. *Wiggle-wink.* I’m just freaked out because i’m looking at a being who is uncannily just like me. I’ve never known anything like it, but i’m loving every sexy moment of it. He’s expressive, loving, fun and romantic and the kinda person that you would never have guessed it from…which pretty much mirrors….well… ME. (Hang on…i have someone knocking at my door?)

I’m toying with a stage of my life, a merry chapter, where i just want MORE. I want change, fun, more time with my bambino (omg Ruby and I are perfect right now. Today she stood up all by herself from ground level and wiggled with a giggle.) In the meantime i’m WORKING and working hard in order to be the best mum i can be, so Ruby never has to go without. Luckily, that wouldn’t happen anyway, thanks to my jolly old ‘thank God i have them’ parents. However one glitzy day of ‘ooh laa’ all that will change and i’ll get to go back to ‘lady of leisuring’ with a wink and a life beckon of ‘bring it.’  (As i’m writing this weird boys with cigarettes and cat food are stomping past me, on my cream carpet! UGH!!!!)

Today, the ‘handsome’..My ‘handsome’ gave me a bit of a proposition. One that usually comes waaay down the line, when you go from solo to ‘twosome.’ Infact, he gave me it the night before via phone, before bed. I made him ‘sleep on’ his little bit of forwardness. (We’re both highly forward, making our decision making hilariously terrified.) Today and whilst we were sat in a peaceful beauty salon, on a tiny black leather loveseat, in front of a regal mirror…we agreed on it. AGAIN, i can’t tell you what we exactly agreed on, just yet. However i will tell you that any time you agree on anything, behind a door in a peaceful beauty salon, whilst the other side of the door is herding a delightful bundle of treadmilling middle aged ladies, in joggers and scrunchies, who are sweating, weight lifting, and crotch stretching to current JLO tracks..who know it’s a heaven made choice.

A cuddle, kiss and bakewell tart was had…and here i am now forwarded to the evening, in my living room, under my chandelier, with baby Ruby in bed, a red wine by my side, feeling happier than i could ever feel, as he works out how to make pasta, a few sexy miles away.

I’m in the mood for ‘good times’ and shopping. I’m dying to grab, snatch me a delicious Autumn wardrobe. I’ve had weird moments today where i’ve walked past men who were doing eyes at my boobies, that didn’t look too innocent. I’d then walk past them and they’d either giggle like girls (the men, not my boobs. My boobs are bitches) Or high fiving each other. OR being bizarrely shy. APART from the one loving group who asked to ‘feel me.’

Another brilliant day in Wunna Land. Can’t wait to beable to tell you the whole story…

 

A Case of ‘Da Blues’

Y’know when you just have one of those shit Monday’s and mainly down to the fact that the few days before that Monday had arrived and managed to get all sexy on you, you were having the best time ever. Well yeah…i had a shit Monday. Infact, a sincere case of what i like to call ‘da Blues.’ I even rocked an ‘updo’ to remind me of my weekend. But like all good fairytales (lol) it didn’t work. I looked like a Glamour Puss, but on the inside i felt like a total properlicious snooze-fest of boredom AND i was even around sweaty men in lycra.

I worked. I wallowed in boredom and that good stuff that doesn’t matter. Ate cake and was unable to love the people that i’m meant to love down to lovely work restrictions. It’s awful feeling restricted, when your a bouncing fool of a free spirits in a glitzy bow and boobies. 🙂 However, i’m sure Monday simply got the better of me. I think i just need an adventure.

The good thing about life right now is that i’m being ‘woo’ed. A fine feeling when you’re a little floozerella. The ‘handsome’ that i keep going on about has flowered me, watered me, wined me, dined me…expressed how much he’d chance doing a ‘forever’ with me. It actually couldn’t be any better…to say that he used to reign from a lofty ‘Player’ status. Infact, saying that, so did I. I just did it more charmingly. I’m sure. We’ve had a really great time together and we intend to prove that ‘hot people can make it work.’ 🙂 I’m noticing that when we’re quite public, we’re really different to how we are when we’re just ‘us.’ When it’s just ‘us’ we’re greatness, it’s exactly how you wouldn’t believe…mushy, funny, lovey dovey and mildy retarded…oh and a bit sexy. When we do ‘the public.’ 🙂 (And i don’t mean literally. We’ve done that before. 😉 ) Our magical ‘fronts’ zoom up on cue, due to restrictions…and we strut our pretty little selves into ‘Kitty cat’ and ‘Ken Doll,’ within moments on ‘public world’ entry. Weird innit. We both do it. However, that’s not really what life’s about or what i’m about. I’m skin to the wind. Therefore being reined in…especially with this wink…sucks hairy balls.

Incase you didn’t know, today was, or should i say ‘is’ PERV MONDAY. The day when my chick friends and i become perverts and stalk hot male gym members, quite subtely for a bit of a giggle. Even the thought of that didn’t make me feel any better, due to a distinct lack of eye candy. I really need to get a grip and embrace this Monday thing with a shimmie. All i can see is a week ahead of work, work, work and i’m dying for a bit of ‘play-play.’ I’m motivated by good clean, idiotic fun…and booze. But whatever i’m sure a bit of retail therapy will make it all right again. (My kitten Gucci is glaring at me like she might want to claw my eyes out and ‘Handsome Keiran’ is complaining  at me, after my normal bathtime routine, via the fine art of Iphone to Blackberry…because i’m messy. He is not quite understanding the art that is Chrissie Wunna. I leave a trail of ‘glitz and macsara’ behind me. I’m mean he’s lucky i didn’t leave an emotional issue behind. I left a love, giggles and a bit of lippy. All it is, is a ’tissue wipe down’ away and it’s hardly as if he hasn’t tissue wiped-downed things before? Maybe he’s just confused because it’s a bathroom surface and not a vagina?

But anyway, now i’ve vented i feel fine again. I think i just need to indulge in the sin that is eats away at Hollywood, the land where i grew up. Oh yes..it’s sure as hell carb time. *Wiggle-wink-pout.* (A guy in the gym actually sat me down to ask me what my diet was. He began with a ‘i need to ask you a personal question?’ Then went on about how he needed to put his ‘just had a baby’ wife on my diet. Cheeky much! I mean, i’m VAIN. Hence the weight loss. I’m sure she’s quite comfy holding onto a bit of baby weight. Anyway, the convo ended with him calling me a ‘M.I.L.F’ and some random boy on Facebook who i don’t at all know asking to literally ‘sex me up.’

Welcome to Wunna Land. *Rolls eyes* [Add Gin Here.]

 

 

 

 

 

Another Tremendous Weekend

 

Evening my pretty little pies of *pout* fest. Wonderful weekend. One of those weekends where you feel alive, young and happy again. I feel loved, filled with *sizzle* and like there really is nothing better than that playful little girl named ‘Wunna.’ I’m cheeky, i’m living life, i’m enjoying my time with a ‘handsome’ and i’m loving being a mummy. I guess i had lost myself for a little while. Yet getting to know a being, who is sooo similiar to me that it is almost uncanny, has really changed everything. I’m ME again and it sure as hell feels yummy, drizzled with innocent, dashed with sexy.

Okay..so i spent my Friday night pampering and discussing the art of ‘love’ (a thing i actually do quite well) with a young girl, who had an actual arranged relationship, due to her Indian culture, fell in love with the man that she was arranged to love. he then asked her to marry him after only TWO weeks of them meeting and they have been together 6 years. Magic. The girl then blow dried my hair and assured me that i was one of the luckiest little scamps she’s ever met. It kinda made me believe in love again and well if you add a white tipped nail to it all, you have utter Glamour pussy bliss. (I then had Pete shout at me all night for having my nails done? Random but true. I hate men when they turn stroppy. Don’t blame my nails, blame yourself. Lol )

Now..i’m a busy girl. I have a lot on right now, a lot of work, a delicious pile on of ‘ooh-laa.’ I’m juggling everything perfectly and fitting each part of the jigsaw together, without stressing. I’m chilling and strutting and positively takeing everything in my stride.

I spent my saturday morning with baby Ruby…shopping. A tradition that the Wunna girls keep in the family. It’s less about the purchasing and more about the time and energy spent with each other. We do it by fashion…simply to keep it sexy. I LOVE ALL Autumn clothes and i’m so excited to reach for my ‘faux’ fur. I totally saw a conker on the ground today, meaning the season is officially upon is! Yes….summer was shit. But fuck it, i’m all about looking forward to what lies ahead. Bring on Crimbo.

I always think i’m born to run away from love. However Cupid always finds me and makes me commit to it. Lieki’m not allowed to give up on it. I never have any problems with men and them wanting to tend to a ‘maybe forever’ with me. However, i grew up the Hollywood way, where nothing is forever for too long. One day i’ll get it right. But i’m trying. It’s baby steps. I think i just like the excitement and adventure of life and love, gin and romance, dipped in a playful bit of ‘ooh laa.’ Whatever will be will be. I’m taken on the strongest emotional battles in life and won them with a *wink.* I feel like i can handle anything. I’m like a big boobied, glitzy, happy…life soldier. I believe that NO-ONE can tell you what to do, or what is right for you. I believe it’s all about living YOUR LIFE, performing YOUR story and keeping it as exciting as possible. Am i inspirational? I guess so and well because i’ve never just *settled* for ‘whatsoever.’ I want to feel alive all of the time and not only have I, but i do. That’s why i’m happy.

Okay, so i’ve met a boy and i’m not talking about it a lot right now, due to respect and mainly because i don’t feel like talking about it openly yet. But it’s been good. Magical. I feel romanced and like i’m kinda lucky for a floozy with a dream. I’ve always said that one day, there will be a man who will make me want to do ‘forever.’ When that happens, you’ll all be shocked. Not because i managed to do it.  I’m thinking for two now. Ruby and I…and well i’ve never been smarter in my choice. I’m doing grrreat!

However anyway, I had a wedding to go to on saturday. I had left everything to the very last minute. Hate that. Therefore after a night of argueing, i managed to pull my glitzy self back together. Tan, updo and wink. Grab the fruit of my lovely Burmese loins and venture off to Trinity Walk …Wakefield, to enjoy the day with baby Ruby, whilst managing to purchase a dress, bag, heels and hot underwear at 12 o clock, for a wedding at 3.30pm. Infact, i’m sooo good at power shopping with my baby, that we even managed to go to a restuarant, have a 3 course ‘sit down’ meal and a wine, before trolloping off to finish getting ready. I can’t believe how fast Ruby is growing. I’m amazed by her and she really has put my life into perspective. I look for the utter best for her and thankfully she has it.

Did all the appropriate ‘dropping off.’ Went to my work place, got changed, grabbed a couple of vodka’s with hungover Lisa, before the wedding. Popped my pretty ‘looked like Miss.World’ self into a taxi and travelled to the church…to meet a handsome young fellow…in record time. (Even though the cabbie thought i was an escort?)

Y’know even though i’m a champion at getting divorced. I will tell you that i really do find something magical about weddings. I mean this one, that was of a friend of a friend. (I enjoy how i didn’t even really know who was gettting married.) Well It went a bit wrong in places, with the Bride not making it on time, due to her car breaking down and down to toddlers running up and down the isle with dolls and cars, followed by mobile phones going off, after prayers. 😉 However, nonetheless, the moment where she arrived and it ALL came together…where it seemed nothing else mattered in the entire world right then… but that silent moment in the church. I looked around and looked at how proud the groom seemed…and well it was just AMAZING. We all know i ADORE being a Bride. 🙂 I’m humoured by it. But for once i looked around, felt an ‘oooh’…and really did think, ‘i want this.’ I don’t know whether the ‘moment’ of it all swept me away…(We all know i adore moments too)…but to me, there is nothing more ‘aww’ then a perfect little wedding. I want one. Like….now. (I was sat next to a beautiful blond in a black feathered skirt, who had just got back from Vegas, through the entire hoo-haaa. We both loved it. Even at the worst of times. I’m telling you now…a wedding…i WANT.)

Anyway, after all the magic, i was veyr well looked after. My date was part of the wedding…(no not the groom :)) meaning that i had to fend for myself for a little while, with people who i didn’t know, yet who were really great to me. Good kind of people, who also like drinking. I’m not a shy girl. I worked my ‘updo’ and just got on with it, after being mildy terrified at first. It seems when you have booze…life isn’t so difficult.

 I can’t tell you a lot of it right now, due to me keeping ‘boy’ underwraps…but the night ended up being AMAZING. It was loving, fun, silly and flirty. I had men making me willies out of food. (‘I can’t believe i’m at my best friends wedding and the only picture i’ve managed to take is one of Chrissie’s willy food.’) I won a dance off, with my Robot. I winked the night away, before ever so glam and ever so idiotic. There were bums out, cheesy dance moves, grown men with ties tied around their head, as they pretended to be driving imaginary cars. It was simply GREAT. One of those randomly good nights. I loved it. I managed to get to know everyone and anyone…and weirdly tried to be munchkin for a moment of the night? Funny, funny night. Best date ever. Really really loved it.

Anyway, my ‘handsome’ managed to once again sweep me off my feet…and well we went home. I won’t be telling you the rest of it, as for now, that’s just for my own little memory box of a brain. Loved it.

Woke up this morning and chilled. Watched nature, from bedsheets and talked about life. Giggled, bantered, wiggled and chittered. It’s really amazing when you just randomly get along with someone for no other reason than the simple fact that the Good Lord has made your paths cross, for a bit of a laugh and a bit of a love-fest.

Groomed, re-glammed up, changed over to casual and went out for lunch. Best lunch ever, due to terrific banter. A lot was said and my future with a certain boy was deeply discussed, followed by giggles and funny voice noises that occur when your excited. What i enjoy about this ‘handsome’ and I (other than the fact that we are entirely similiar) is that we’re both open, honest and forward. We cover ground that most teams of love, achieve in a year! I like it. We both do.

After dinner, he took me to a castle. Infact it’s highest point, in the wind, where we could watch over the entire city from our lofty height, like it was our own kingdom. Romantic. I loved it. More words of adoration were expressed followed by cuddles and laughter.

A drive back, a bit of ‘inside,’ a bit tv, with a cuppa tea and ‘ooh laa’ 😉 and it was time for me to go home.

Baby Ruby had spent the day with Grandma and at 7 months old managed to drain her bank balance like a champion daughter of any Wunna really. Lol.

I’m now home, in my pj’s, crawling around with Ruby feeling the most content i have felt in a while. The ‘handsosme’ has just called me to tell me off for being messy. Lol. Erm…? You can’t date a floozy and expect there not to be glitter everywhere, with the odd stripe of bronzer. 🙂

Life is good. I wish i could tell you it all, however like i said right now and out of respect for others…i just can’t.

Riding the wave

 

Morning my yummy treats of ‘lick-fest.’ I woke up next to my ever so beautiful daughter, the only thing that actually makes ‘Wunna Land’ worthwhile and like the stalker that i am…i simply laid there naked and watched her. Even to this day i cannot believe that i managed to produce something so beautiful. (Infact no that’s a lie, i always knew that i’d bred beauty. 🙂 ) I think, what i’m trying to say is that after the life that i’ve lived…especially during those Hollywood times, i never thought i’d ever get to the glorious ‘mum’ stage. I’m finally on page 98 of the ‘Book of Love.’ A fairer choice to Page 69. Which truely isn’t a page to be frowned upon. *Wiggle-wink.*

I’m working ALL day and if i ever needed time off, it would be now. I’m here in my pinstripes, getting ready to ‘hit’ the office. (Even though i do it an vixen, glitzy nature of ‘ooh.’) And all i want to do is bundle around in my bed sheets and giggle at this thing that i’m doing called life.

I had a hot boy send me pictures of ‘pom-poms’ last night. He had help make them for his bestfriends wedding. He was so impressed with himself that he needed *applause* from The Wunna. I simply informed him that i was proud that he had fearlessly embraced his inner gay. (I really can’t write this blog before coffeee.) I enjoy how boys now mail me pictures of ‘pom-poms’ before willy. I’m moving up in the world? Or down?

Anyway, i don’t quite have my Friday feeling yet. I’m spending my Friday night with Ruby and going to ADORE IT. Then i will tinkle with a vino and probably facebook stalk people for kicks.

Weirdly Pete and I are getting on really well right now. It seems that when i’m not hormonal, he isn’t too bad. But then i ‘click’ back into all the drama that he caused and i immediately get my stubborn mule kick in place. When i’m near him i feel secure. However now i look, every boy i meet, pretty much have that little thing in them that remind me of Mikey.

There are different stages to ‘good’ boyfriends and i guess you have to graduate your way through the rungs, until you hit ‘glory.’

I need fucking coffee….

Oh Hellooo Cupid…

 

…so, there’s this boy. I mean, i don’t even really know how to describe him to you, other than the fact that he fits the mould of ‘pretty boy,’ he’s probably highly misjudged, he’s had his fun in life, good times, bad times, women…just life. He’s worldy. Independant. Expressive. Infact, maybe even a little bit of everything in one. He’s passionate. He’s fiery. He’s impulsive, yet  sexy. He dances like a player, yet behind closed doors is loving, romantic and weirdly all at the same time as knowing the role of a gent and how to ‘woo’ a lady.

Let me take you back to Wednesday night. Last night. Due to a rather free schedule and the need a for a little adoration. (I’m on my period right now, meaning i’m deliciously hormonal. If there’s a mood to swing on. I’m on it and Tarzan-ing that shit, like a hero on angry pimp juice.) I needed to be cheered up. Obviously other parts of life a rather soiled right now. I remember having one of those ‘everyone’s doing better than me’ days yesterday, where you sigh, feel fat, file your nails at your work desk, refuse to spill the beans to the Mail of sunday and then stalk your exes to see if they’re doing better than you in life. I’ve always been one to claim that success is the sweetest revenge. I’ve managed to perform this quite marvellously. However, yesterday and because of my period, i wallowed in self pity and did it quite glamourously.

This boy…(i don’t even know that to name him?) saw me with my *bimbo* sad, already had strong feelings for what he calls ‘Wunna’ and decided it was life duty to make me smile. (I already like this behaviour. You know a man is a man, when he cares about the well being of a  girl…his girl… more that he does himself. If you’ve ever dated me. You will know that i’m utterly generous and selfless. Yet always taken advantage of my lesser male beings. For once…and i do mean once, apart from one time in LA where a gent named Jake tried to make me feel special. This boy…as  handsome as he is (and he’s delicious) proved that he was not only a pretty face with a body that could *growl* at you…but also a decent human being. One that will whisk a lady off her feet, (Yeah i am talking about me) in order to make her smile.

From that moment of him finding me glum. He kissed my cheek. Zoomed off into the distance, like a hero on heat. Told me that i was to be free after work…go home..get dressed and to meet  him at a restuarant for 8.15pm. I did just that. Know that i’ve never used to being TOLD what to do by a man before. I’m the ‘teller.’ However it was weirdly lovely to have a man be a man and take control. This boy, knows how to treat a girl, ‘woo’ her correctly and he goes AALLLLL out.

I get to the restuarant. He’s waiting in the car. It’s dark. It’s cold, but street lit. He runs to open my car door, in order to greet me. We walk hand in hand into the restuarant and apologise for being late. He had pre-booked. I like that. I get walked to a gorgeous table. Like a little special one in the corner. I’m sitting, all chipper,expecting nothing but the most beautiful meal, with a handsome gent…and out of nowhere (as i’ve settled and we’re giggling over the menu and i’m making him pick my food) OUT OF NOWHERE,  a waiter proudly strolls out towards our table. (I haven’t really even noticed at this point) and in his hands is the most exotically, beautiful arrangement of flowers, all giant and colourful, all Princess-like and personally chosen by the ‘handsome’ just for ME! I mean, OMG…how ROMANTIC. How beautiful. It’s a looong time since i’ve had that treatment. I mean Pete has never ever done anything like that for me EVER. Infact, I’D PAY for our dates and he’d complain if he didn’t get what he wanted. Lol.

Therefore before the lovely dinner even began…i was gifted with a surprise! I felt like the luckiest little Glamour Puss EVER. It’s like something out of a story book. I adore grand displays of affection and it’s just nice to know, that there’s men out there who (when they love) know how to do it properly. This guy is gorgeous. He certainly is blessed with a colourful past of ‘player-player.’ Yet even so, he still managed to *pause* at The Wunna and do the best he could to impress. Infact i like him because, he’s MADE THE EFFORT to impress..without me having to tell him. Even though i did tell him he had to a little bit. 😉

He spotted me in a gym. The first thing he said to me was ‘Oh my God..you’re beautiful.’ Yet he said it like he couldn’t believe it? Almost under his breath. Weeks later our paths accidentally cross and he finds himself trying to ‘make me his’ and doing it grandly. He’s not thick, when it comes to ‘wooing’ the ladies. He knows what i like, what type of girl i am and how to splash out.

We enjoyed dinner together. Filled with giggles, life, banter and flirty moments. It was yummy. Afterward, he then treated me to a cozy drink at The Castle, snuggled up infront of a fire place. (We both are fire signs and LOVE to watch fire.) We shared wine, talked about the future. Talked about each other and life and love and our past. The good thing about this boy and I, is that we have a strong friendship. We know the same people. We’re infact ridiculously similar.

The rest of the night is secret..but was magical…

This is just what i needed right now. Cupid to view me a little faith and tell me that everything is going to be okay. Now i think about it…this boy is pretty much the male version OF ME!!! We are completely the same. We even joke about it. Two misjudged people, who the good Lord has shoved together for some reason or another, for a bit of ‘path crossing.’ We’re both loving every single moment of it. We’re both fiesty, expressive, fun and generous. But there’s a side to both of us that no-one sees…but us. We’re playful. We’re commitment phobe. One of those things that will go really well, or really badly. All i know from life is that everything really does happen for a reason and that people are quite usually placed in each others lives to learn lessons. *scary.*

Here we go again…

(Today i paraded my flowers around the entire office like i was a pathetic version of Miss.World. I’m quite boasty at the best of times…let alone with ‘boy flowers.’ 🙂 ) I LOVE BEING Chrissie Wunna. *Wiggle-wink-Pout*

Finding that Inner child Innit

   

If i enjoy anything in life, it really is the utter game of it. I lust for excitement, love, adventure, laughter and i get it. I thoroughly celebrate each moment and treasure each wink with an intense bundle of ‘ooh laa.’ I feel really lucky and i truely always have. I’m actually not quite sure why i deserve to be so deliciously blessed. However who am i to complain. Being Chrissie Wunna is nothing short of marvellous. *Wiggle here.*

Currently in life i’m trying to *shake* off the negative and the clingers-oners. Harder than you think. It’s bizarre to me how a ‘being’ who had the opportunity to be good to you, decides to opt for being a complete twat to you, yet when you drop kick their merry arse out of the land that i call ‘Wunna’…they just can’t seem to leave. Yes. I AM talking about Pete. The boy who does absolutely nothing, makes spiteful comments out of jealousy, puts his hand in my wallet all of the time and thinks that i might or even should love him. I loved him when i was meant to. He treated me quite quite poorly, to the point where ‘the sympathy card’ (a card he enjoys to play) is a giant *snooze-fest.* What he’ll learn? Gratefullness and the art of not treating a human being who is giving you everything your entire heart desires, with disrespect…dipped in bratt. Every part of my life is wonderful. Infact completely WUNNA-ful. Even my love life right now is oddly, but quite truely wonderful. However the ‘Pete’ part of Wunnaland…is exhausting. A sad little area of *niggle.* But whatever enough of all that…

On a more positive note…I had a great Friday night. I was celebrating life on the razzle M’tazzle and only today found out that i apparently had a really in depth conversation with a guy in fancy dress, that i don’t at all remember? A ‘Tennis player’ was his apparent choice of ‘fancy.’ I’m not sure how i missed that part of the evening. But he is said to have had a mighty convo with me, about him wanting to potentially ‘woo’ The Wunna. Only to have another ‘handsome’ (one that i actually know, that had opted away from a dress of fancy) sweep me right off my feet…like he always does…and whisk me away on a romantic swirl of wine and affection? The ‘handsome’ that i knew told me that he looked back behind me and all he saw were men in the most random fancy dress entire, all poitning and laughing at the ‘tennis’ guy for getting dissed on the dance floor by The Wunna. Aww…:( I don’t even remember it? 🙂 I blame fate.

Today, i’m feeling quite posh. I’ve summoned my inner ‘rich girl’ and pronouncing all my words correctly, with a ‘posh girl’ diva twist. I currently like luxury, comfort and Princess treatment and it weirdly truely works for me. It feels good being emotionally looked after. I need it, i think?

Right now i’m enjoying letting my inner child get the better of me. I’m naturally playful, naturally child-like and well i’m really good at bringing that out in other people. (Hence why baby Ruby and I get on like a house on fire.) Life is here to be enjoyed and i intend to enjoy it was much as physically possible. I’m loving being a mummy and can’t wait to take on the world.

The current mood in Wunna Land is ‘happy.’

 

 

 

..strapping in.

Woke up this morning topless, still in my ‘updo,’ not feeling as ill as i had the night previous, where i had chosen to vomit my pretty insides out, after white wine (the devils drink) got the better of me….whilst being ferociously nipple grippled by my beautiful daughter, who *giggles* whenever i’m in pain. 🙂 Great parenting. I’ve actually spent the majoirty of my evening crawling around a cream carpet in fits of laughter with her. No-one gets on better than Ruby and I. We are certainly ‘Team Wunna.’ Plus, i managed to grab a quick drink with a ‘handsome’ on my way back from work…where i rocked nothing short of a BAD HAIR DAY. A Wunna NIGHTMARE. But whatever the ‘handsome face’ thinks i’m the ‘one’ for him, like i’m marriage material and everything? I’m never ever quite sure what it is i do to gents. Yet i certainly seem to fascinate them enough to commit to ‘forever.’ EVEN if i puke after wine? I don’t get it either. It’s because i’m glamourous and witty i’m sure, with an average mound of good looks. 🙂

Anyway life is Great! Yeah..i’m an a bit of a nasty ‘hope i’m strapped in’ rollercoaster, yet i’ve commited to this behaviour loads, meaning i know it all ends perfectly. I’m back to ‘old Hollywood’ Wunna, but in Yorkshire. A bizarre combination, but fuck it…i have my fingers crossed. I think i’m being a decent balance of good and bad all in one. However, i think i’d rather have a sit down now and embrace the ‘good’ part and being ‘devilish’ can often get exhausting in heels and an ‘updo.’ I got taken to the most gorgeous little italian restaurant last night, in New Miller Dam, before drinks at The Castle. It was simply perfect and i got treated to absolute Princess adoration. (I’m never having white wine again.) Good banter, unraveling and love occured. I mean i even got stopped by a little old lady, in the middle of the night by a bus stop, who simply told me that i was ‘absolutely beautiful…a lady’ and that ‘it was finally nice to see a girl being a lady for once. ‘ 🙂 Little does she know. However if i’m honest. I’ve always suffered from the ‘such a lady but i’m dancing like a hoe’ syndrome. I’m lucky to of had such a wonderful upbringing and a glitzy little life. I really thought i had got over the art of spoling it. Lol

Anyway, all the above is not the reason why i know i have a great life. I know i have a great life because (and no, not down to the Hollywood, married a movie star, dreams come true marlarky) BUT because this morning a boy knocked on my front door at approximately 9am, to see if he could borrow a B.A. Barakus costume for work. 🙂 I was still asleep and topless in bed, so i sent others to deal with such a request. Only a being of intense greatness would ever have that happen to them at 9am on a Monday morning. However life went on…as did my bad hair day.

Okay, over the weekend i have been through soooo much. I’ve cried, i’ve argued, i’ve loved, felt loved, i’m yelled, i’ve partied and i’ve been a doting mumma. I’ve also managed to get myself in all sorts of literary scandal, down to school mate Kweku Adoboli. (Hope he’s okay.) This weekend i was in The Times, The People, all over the web, the Associated press and The Telegraph. Infact the Telegraph gave me a mild telling off for not keeping better friends, in regards to Hilton and Adoboli. It’s been insane…but whatever? Ackworth school must despise us right now. I don’t think we’ve made a mockery of our private education. We’ve simply ‘kept it sexy.’ 🙂

Tonight i’m just resting with baby Ruby after a rather dramatical weekend. Life has hotted up and well i’m gonna need all the help i can get. I know you all want to know about my love life right now…and i’ll get to it…i promise. It’s just all a little awkardly wonderful. 😉

 http://www.people.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/2011/09/18/suspected-rogue-trader-kweku-adoboli-s-fascination-with-sexy-glamour-model-chrissie-wunna-102039-23427503/

 http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/world/alleged-rogue-trader-breaks-down-in-dock/story-e6frg6so-1226139617788

Playing Happy hero

 

You know you’ve had a great night…(Wunna code for being Ultimately TRAGICAL) when you’ve managed to gain a boyfriend, have boobs in sequins, work neon, kiss a girl, whip ya hair into a public mirror on a dancefloor, (i thought i looked sexy, however i honestly looked like a twat) have an emergency thong brought in for you, do shots, leave shots, have a soldier yell at a fat boy for you, due to his poor manners around quite obvious floozies, grab a last minute drink, only to not drink, walk hand in hand with a lovely who managed to get kicked out of a club and wake up with a blue party band on your right wrist, in boobs..then have to place Timmy Mallet glasses on, by a gent with a boner..followed by a blue jumper, in order the perform a ‘taxi of shame’ back home. All this whilst being 30. I’ll never learn. I think i’ll stick to not drinking ‘out-out’ and just being a mum. My feet even KILL from wearing heels. EWW!!! I mean what kind of a glamour puss am I when your shoes actually kill your feet. I understand that a true lady would never admit such a thing. However, i’m terrified that i’m losing my touch. Hence why i keep dating Toy boys. (Talking about previous Toyboys from the Wunna collection. Boyband Jonny. Who went off the rails, then got back to ‘better,’ after getting kicked out of the band and now going solo…has been trying to be my friend again. Any time a boy does that they either feel guilty, want something, regret losing you…or…well i dunno? I’m far too hungover to think right now. Look through my archives. Jonny and I did not do very well with each other. 🙂 )

On the whole i had a wonderful night. However i am now paying for it. I hate hangovers. I love being adored by handsome male ‘potentials.’ I was too hungover to have Nandos. Pete told me he adored me. The pretty boy claims he does too and i’m having to nibble on cured meat, in order to cure my hangover and in pink pyjamas with french dogs on? I’m also currently watching ‘Tashie’ get evicted from the Big Brother house (on repeat). I knew her from her audition in real life and yeah…quite annoying and yeah…i infact said back then, that she would be the first one out, if she went in. In the same moment, i’m reading ‘The Times’ to catch up on Kweku knowledge. There’s a whole ‘Chrissie Wunna’ part of quotes on his personal character. But it’s good! I mean, he’s in a great deal of trouble right now. It seems so out of character. He’s one of the kindest gentleman you’ll ever meet. At 3.30am Thursday,when we were all tucked up in bed. He was getting arrested. It’s crazy how life can pull one over on you. I pray that he’s okay. It’s so bizarre. ( I bet Ackworth school are loving us right now. Yay to former pupils, who can’t refrain from fucking up. 🙂 )

I weirdly don’t feel hungover anymore? I’m in the stage where your ‘under eyes’ ache..but it’s do-able. I’m feeling quite loved right now and i can’t wait to have my baby Ruby time tonight, after her big shopping trip with Grandma Wunna. But anyway whatever..i really need to pull myself together. The drama that Pete put me through a month ago…kind made me become quite rebellious. Reminded me of my Hollywood days. Even though i really was a glitzy, tragical terror. I sort of really loved every moment of it. (I’m getting a Flashback of that Halloween ‘slutty cave girl’ moment. I tell the story all the time. One Hollywood night, i had to climb onto the roof of an entire house, with a mango margarita in my hand and in order to save my gay friend Brandon from wanting to kill himself, by jumping off this very roof…by snogging him..and giving him a sip of my drink…dressed as a slutty cave girl. I don’t know why i love that story so much. But i think it’s because i’ve fooled myself into thinking i saved an entire life. I don’t even know why people love or trust my judgement so much? Everyone thinks i make their life better? I always blame it on my charm. However we ALL know it’s the boobs. 🙂