A Vodka before noon?

I got another ‘random, yet obviously from the same being’ booty call this morning. However this time they graced their telephonic presence at 5.26am. Nice! I didn’t even bother to answer. I did a half hearted, sleepy doll *reach,* pushed a few hot pink nailed Black Berry buttons and hit ‘silent.’ I looked to my right and every other member of my little family were still asleep. I laid awake, then drifted off to dreamland…to enjoy a consecutive stream of nightmares! Yippee! (I’ve been having them loads recently, which means i must be lovingly filled with ANXIETY. Great! 🙂 )

Long day at work, then a stress buster massage booked. I need it and simply because the drama’s of life are beginning to tango around me…with knives. 🙂 But i’m happy. However, you know when you your ‘Handsome’ is really pissing you off and they really can’t help it, due to an unfortunate ‘bad case of opposite sex.’ (Thankyou Geri Halliwell. I actually nearly karate chop, ninja leaped him in anger in a carpark yesterday, but managed to calm myself in the 2 seconds that occur in the process, before you commit to such pokery. The old Chrissie Wunna, would have grabbed her boobies and leapt for Burma. I however adjusted my tiara, realized i was outside work, grabbed my handbag, (thought about walloping him 🙂 ) then imagined a glittery sprinkle of Zen raining upon me…and with daggers in my eyes, strutted away, to do the fake smiley thing infront of work colleagues! Hurrah!

Worked hard and then realized how upset a co-worker was next to me. The good in me, gets the better of all situations and i feel all mighty like i need to defend everyone’s honour. However, because i’m on a ‘dicsiplinary’ (woohoo) i figured, i’d listen, offer coffee in leopard print mugs and sympathy. Then take her on a whirlwind of glorious imagination, where life is better on the other side.

I got that feeling yesterday, when boredom oozed in and there i was ‘pattering’ away on my keyboard manically, working, pattering, working, sighing in front of a blue notice board and honestly after having lived such an exciting life of Hollywood and wonder, you kinda *pause*..look around you and think..what the fuck am i doing here? Dangerous

Regardless, i’m gonna make the best of a dodgey situation…i have my diamantes on, after an eyelash war. ( They keep refusing to glue onto my eye lids. They want to stick everywhere..on mirrors, on boobs, on fingers and kittens..but not my fricking eyes! Can’t wait for my massage! I need a de-stress and maybe a vodka before noon.

Babies, Belly Laughs & Booty Calls

 

Morning my tiny dew drops of delight! Yesterday was the most magically, amazing moment of my life. A moment where I felt at my happiest. A moment where i felt free, Me and finally understood what life was all about. I had enjoyed a whole day of shopping with ‘The Wunnas’ and my bambino. (I only bought work clothes. 🙁 When you only buy work clothes..your pretty much waving the flag of loserdom. Luckily the rest of my pences were enjoyed by my daughter, who made me performed an imaginary fashion show for her, with her clothing choices, as greedy mums elbowed me between the rails of the ‘Next’ sale.

Anyway, obviously that wasn’t my big ‘life’ moment of ‘happy.’ Fast forward 9 hours and there I was, laid on the bed, in my pyjamas, before ‘The Apprentice final’..in a warm beige room, glaring at my little Ruby (who i had managed to spend the entire weekend with closely and almost alone, which I LOVED because as you know, i had to go back to work after only 2 weeks of having her.) And there we were BELLY LAUGHING at each other. BELLY LAUGHING sooo hard we had tears rollling down our cheeks (not our bum cheeks) and due to the simple fact that we were happy.

We looked at each other and belly laughed for a good 10 minute stretch, littered with funny ‘doll’ voices by moi and a ‘greedy’ face that weirdly kept pretending to eat her toes? But we LAUGHED like i had never laughed before, with someone that i’ve loved so much? The last time i laughed that hard to the point of tears was at a BBQ in LA with Ryan, who was stoned and a lesbian with a parrot, who kept not noticing that she was falling over? I fell off my chair that night with laughter and even rode a Giant African tortoise. I distinctly remember that moment because firstly I wanted Ryan to love me and he didn’t. Infact couldnt due to a rather lovely past and because he had to stick to the lie of ‘being really religious’ with me? I terrified him because i tottered along West Hollywood and stole his heart without his permission, with my little ‘wiggle and a giggle.’ It all went wrong from then on. But it was like he had a spell on me. I fancied him soooo much at the time? Now i look back, it doesn’t even seem like my life. The ‘Hollywood’ part of it, is almost like a previous existant, like a hazy, booze stained, but beautiful dream? Ryan and I were meant to meet, yet meant to met for very different reasons and boy..did we learn!

However yeah..let’s not drag up the lovely old ‘colourfuls!’ I distinctly remember that time of laughter, simply because it was the last time i ever laughed that hard. Never again can i remember a belly laugh that mighty..until last night with my daughter, on that bed.

It was just the way she looked at me, like she was an old soul, a grown up… who knew me inside-out and well not only did she love me, but she was so happy to have ‘Mz.Wunna’ as her Mum.  Her life coach. I laughed so hard,t hat i did actually end up crying….hellooo period! The man reason why I loved it,  was because i could make the most precious thing to me… happy. I’m a natural entertainer and when you can do it without trying…you feel on top of the merry world. (I mean Pete, who was in the other room, even lowered the tv volume because he didn’t know what was going on! Loverboy’s a natural entertainer too. Yet over the years he.. forgot. I’ve brought the lively, innocent, fun-time back to him, dipped in luxury, love and life  and that’s one of the reasons, other than ‘boobs’ why we get on so well. The joys of a sense of humour..even though we were bickering over burger money last night. (‘UGH..i’m not paying. I pay for EVERYTHING!!‘ HAhaha!)

As we know, nothing’s ever perfect in Wunna Land. It’s more ‘Purr’- fect..which is the asme but dodgier. I woke this morning at exactly 6.56am to my Black Berry sounding off it’s mechanically enhanced melody of ‘ringtone.’ I reach over. I look at the screen, and with a scrumpled face ‘coz i didn’t have my specs on. The ‘Caller ID’ reads ‘UNKNOWN’..so i answer thinking it could be an emergency. Or i’ve won something? Ya never know.

I say ‘Hello’ and it just sounds all muffly, like someone’s trying to say something, but can’t and i think i could hear a baby in the back ground. I hang up. I can’t be arsed at 6.56am to deal with other people, without my specs on, plus my little baby girl is fast asleep.

They call AGAIN. ‘Unknown.’ This time i answer with a ‘Hello’ and then begin masterturbating ferociously down the phone. I *hang up.* They call a THIRD time and do the exact same thing, but now they’ve woken up my daughter. (I’m used to this pervy stuff happening…yet not armed with a baby..which funnily enough begins to anger you at that point.)

I put my phone on ‘silent.’ They call and call and call. All under the mask of ‘Unknown.’ Pete’s now getting grumpy. Then they text…showing me their number. (DUH! Lol. What’s the point of the ‘Unknown’ if you’re going to text anyway.) I recieved 2 text messages reading ‘Do you nt want to listen?‘ and ‘Are u horny babe?’ Erm.how about ‘no’ and simply because i’m not attracted to stupid people, who can’t figure out the simple concept of ‘Caller ID.’ His loins must have got the better of him mid-burn?

I have no idea who this person is..but now i have their number. Therefore i did what any kitty cat would do and simply tend to baby Ruby an dget ready for work.

Over time i’ve learnt to only fight the fights worth fighting. It keeps tiara less bent. However, i did feel mildly bad for the caller. I mean, who’s adult life  is a ‘Booty call’ at 6.56am. Yet more important things like not fitting into my newly bought, post preggo thongs from Primark, 5 in a pack took precedence. 🙂

I love you.

Chrissie Wunna (Working ALL day)

 

 

Off for a bit of a shop…

Pete and I bickered all night. I enjoy how i call him ‘Pete’ when i feel as though his ‘Loverboy’ title has been smeared with *whoopsie.* We didn’t properly bicker, because we just don’t commit to that kind of early 20 or teen drama. We FIGHT! 🙂 Not really. I’m far too tired to be funny right now. But yeah, fatigue was the main reasn for our bickering yesterday. He worked for 2 hours, felt exhausted *rolls eyes* as i toroughly enjoyed my ‘Mummy/baby’ day with baby Ruby. Pete made a tiny contribution to our hectic day..which really pissed me off. ANY time he gets even mildly frutsrated by our little fruity bowed baby and commits to the art of being lazy, moany, whilst wallowing in a pity pool of annoyance. I turn NINJA on him. (And yeah not literally. Just verbally and well simply because i’m far too old to be all ‘Kill bill.’ I’d break every bone in my goddamn body. However, my Hollywood resume did say that i was skilled in ‘Martial Arts.’ ) I yelled at him, directly. He fumbled and then with his eyes closed called me a ‘bitch.’ What a lazy bastard! It led to the ‘I work 8 hours a day, look after the baby, clean up AND do all that showbizzy marlarkey’ argument. A favourite of mine!

Luckily for me, everything he needs is…MINE! Therefore in a milliesecond i took away his telly watching rights, his internet usage, pulled away the mobile phone, drank ALL the wine and simply because I bought it! 🙂 That sent him over the edge and he was then forced to suck-up to me because i had the booze. (Don’t worry Ruby was asleep and trumping in her little room.) I like being in charge of Wunna Land. The ‘handsomes’ in it, never have room to be a twat and simply becaues everything stops. I never thought i’d enjoy power as much as I do! Yippee!

Anyway, the ending’s boring. We made up. He sucked up. I had wine, so was therefore forgiving and then the night came to a romantic, starry end.

Pete’s a boys boys in the sense that he needs his food and sleep. If he is denied either..he’s useless and needs a pathetic NAP after every 2 hours he works. I’m dynamic. I’ll do anything and everything AT ONCE and still look sexy in bad lighting. Then once i’m done..i’ll grab a wine, breathe for a second, slip on my stiletto’s and do the rest merrily. Plus, i’m getting my period shortly, meaning that i could look at anything really and come over with a ‘why are you being so slow’ mist of frustration. *Bites ya head of.* (Not that head.)

I’m a calm but fast paced girl, with giggles. Maybe he was upset because I said he looked like Bill Cosby?

Anyway, great day planned today. Ruby and I are off with ‘The Wunna’s’ to shop til we drop. A pastime we ALL find exciting, theraputic and a moment we can all enjoy. Ruby’s got right into it all. Except yesterday, she managed to rollie, pollie over to the sofa, find the edge of it, lift herself up to ‘standing,’ then with a sheer face of manic excitment, side-step along simply to…steal. (Great parenting.) It wasn’t even anything good, like a wallet, candy or..a wallet. 🙂 All she wanted was a crab that squeaked.

Welcome to Wunna Land.

Puking, sliding and saviours

Oh my God. I spent last night PUKING down a toilet bowl, adorning my beautifully glamourous Hollywood hair do, with a random bright yellow ‘slush puppy’ t-shirt on and far too much dodgy Italian food in ym belly.

We did ‘Date Night.’ It obviously went well. Loverboy made sure i didn’t drink the strong wine before we ventured out, so that I didn’t fall asleep mid conversation, in my diamantes and boobies. I also believe that the idea of saving the strong wine for later, was so it would hopefully ‘hit’ me later and i’ll get kinky to ‘can-can’ music. Hardly. I can’t even get my legs to ‘Quarter to 3’ now, without doing my back in. I’m a has been of a ‘Racy Lacy.’ Luckily, i’m quite glad of that. Who’da thought?

Anyway, i didn’t even puke due to cocktailing. I know. Eww! I puked because we went to our local little Italian restuarant. A place that I actually usually adore and pretty much only because it’s nearest and well the guy who owns it is old and pervy. My fave type of perv. If you slop a heavy Italian-Yorkshire accent on top of that and hands that wonder faster than the eyes…then there you have it. A great time when on vodka tonic! *Glitter shower here.*

Okay, the food is usually wonderful here, hence why i totterd down there with my bedroom eyes and ‘Handosme.’ It was now raining, yet not finding it too bad, due to being hand inhand with my hunka-chunka. I’m giddy. I’m excited. And i and starving at this point, whilst Pete’ s deciding to be paranoid about his receeding hair line. (His new thing is to now grow his hair out, so he can comb it over the receeding area. Erm..? A comb over at 25. Nice. Plus, Pete’ s half black..meaning in a week, he’ll be rocking an afro comb-over. This is what i do to men. Now i’m not a a chubby preggo-hontas, he’s all worried that he’ll now look not as yummy. Funny how he believes an afro comb-over would be a better choice? Yet it’s better than the time he actually coloured in his hairline with my black eyeliner.)

I wrongly chose the salad when we were out. It was Caesar and rubbish. My body rejected it..and my body rejects NOTHING!! The owner told me that he had been forced to cook last night, due to a staff  member taking a 3 month leave. (Don’t enjoy the word ‘FORCED.’) And that he didn’t actually like cooking, ashe’d prefer to be out and about perving on all the Ladies. He claimed he felt like he was ‘missing out on something.’ But I understand that. He’s a showman, just like moi. I’d hate to be trapped back in the sweaty corner of a kitchen, attempting to make people dinner, in an outfit that pretty much screams ‘Fashion Crime.’ Especially when the other option is‘perving on people and being Italian.’

Walked home, Loverboy in tact. Got to my sofa, immediately felt ill and tired. I’d worked all day. Fell asleep, went to do a wee, got to the loo and ended up PUKING out ALL of my rubbish Caeser salad and then making Pete come and ese what i’d done.

After i’d been sick, i felt Friday was no longer worth pursuing…so i slid into my leopard print pyjamas and conked out in bed at around 11pm.

Romance is alive.

Woke up recieved text mesasges from Lit.Agents mummiesand everyone ele swith the ability to text…and then tripped over 2 platsic bags filled with empty wine bottles that Pete apparently thought was a great idea to place in our bedroom, at the bottom of the bed to hide from the boiler man? (It’s like a sick nursery rhyme.) I’m over waking up to a stream of text messages. It makes me begin the day like a maniac..with tits. 🙂

Finally got my little baby Ruby back from Grandma..and now enjoying life..the good, clean proper way.

That little girl is quite frankly my saviour and totally in lemon bows right now ! I’m a great role model. 🙂 *Wiggle-wink*

Get Digging

Finally home after a long, but really great day at work. I didn’t get too badly bollocked and infact my mild telling off worked wonder ons me. I found myself actually working harder than ever before and weirdly doing really well. I feel like i’ve been productive and achieved something after all. Who’d a thought? Thank God for cleavages though. I sure as hell uesd mine today to attempt to make my bollocking less jazzy. Both Karen and I were all nervous for what may lie ahead. However, my boobs and good hair day protected me from the getting severly yelled at. Oh and so did my (well what Karen calls ) my ‘Puppy dog’ face. It’s the bimbo-happy- but mildy lots face i do, in order to look less bitchy. 🙂

Oh the whole. Great day!

Friday has now kicked in. Baby Ruby ha sher ‘Grandma’ night tonight, leaving Pete and I to what we call ‘DATE NIGHT.’ As of right now it’s been thoroughly romantic. We’ve managed to get the boiler fixed and have a converstion about lightbulbs and pooing.

Luckily, i’ve purchaes a bottle of wine and it’sfinally been cracked open. I did it with a karate chop. When you’ve worked a hard day, there’s nothing like karate chopping your way to a bit of a cabernet love moment.

I’ll tell you how it went later, when we’ve decide where we’ll dine over lovey dovey eyes. I had my friend Matt try to do magic tricks on me today and then swear over the fact that he kept getting it wrong. Add talk about hair extensions, love resect, new house, alongside the art of ‘trying’ to look bus. You have the rest of my late afternoon.

Wonder what we’ll do tonight? But first my dollies it’ s shower time. (I’m getting a flashback of Karen and I doing impressions of us performing comedy sx, in pretend nipple tassles. I did ‘ooh’ face sand she committed to a husky, ‘yeah baby.’ I learn a lot of Karen, who hails from the wonderful age of 5o something. When you get older and comfy in your relationship you kinda don’t do sexytime as much, because you just can’t be arsed to put ya back out. However that’s only when you’re a girl. Boy’s be they 15 or 50…will want it forever. Karen claims that if her hubby comes back from golf and he’s not completely tired, she immediately sends him and his boner into the garden to do some digging. Apparently works a treat. I’m gonna try it on Pete. ‘Oh you’re not tired. Well here, we need a shed building so get out there and dig.’ 🙂

Can’t wait for Date Night!

Working my Updo?

Found myself in a ‘Running man’ competition, on a kitchen floor, around midnight last night, after gleefully performing my ‘Carlton Banks’ swiggle, a si call it, infront of my own mirror image and with a fierce look of competitiveness adorning my pretty face. I keep my different expressonsin a Juicy Couture clutch and place them on whenever i feel neccesasry, with a spritz.

Not sure how midnight occured and Loverboy and I managed to get  into an extreme dance competition. But Pete’sthe kinda guy, who’ll ays he can do EVERYTHING, yet when it comesto crunch time, he’s really crap at it. I’m more of a giggle..a kitty cat, who really does’t expect to be able to do much..(that’sa lie, i KNOW i’m good at everything, i just don’t voice it.) Yet when my ‘crunch’ time occurs.I DELIVER. I whooped his hairy aresd with my actually randomly good demon dance moves. My ‘Running man ‘ is expectional. His looks half homophobic and half like River dance. Even Pete was amazed by my jiggery!

This is what happens when you have a whole bottle shaped glass of wine again, when you’ve put the baby to sleep. Woohoo!

I was meant to have my book meeting thisevening, however, i’ve just read a text that apparently sneaked in at 6pm, stating that i needed to confirm my ‘doo-daa.’ I already thought i had a day ago? But these days in life, we find ourselves having to confirm everything over and over again. It’s our trust issues innit! Yet that’s the joy of being a human being. Therefore it maight be all postponed…which isn’t a problem. I mean it’s FRIDAY! (WOOHOO) And we all know that the feeling is for fun and really not for evening business meetings Can’t wait for the book! Getting excited.

I’m at a work all day today and today’s the day i get told off for being naughty and swanning of to the beat of my own drum. In a corporate world…you get done for that. 🙂 Oopise. Therefore i have a diciplinary and Karen (who will fight my case until she dies) i shaving to do my meeting minutes Now, i’m a glamour puss who will hold her hands up to her wrongs, with an honest wave of ‘woo.’ I’ve told Karen (who does’t like how i’ve been treated) that i’m going to have to tie her to her swivel chair, with a gag and when she says something inappropriate, i’ll have to open the nearest door and wheel her out the room.

Life is great! I’m used to getting done. Maybe i sould work an updo? 🙂

Love you & Leave you

Happy days! I’m simply enjoying the most wonderful time in life right now. A joy that’s purrfect for a kitty cat of my little old calibre. I’m waving from a height of ‘ooh laa’ and happy to be hailed as inspiration to the lovelies who peek in my at my life, via the blog.

Totally rocked a bit of cleavage, hot pink nails and diamantes today. Realized that i’m lucky to have a great bundle of beings, who actually care about me enough to want to fight any caus for me, when they feel i’ve been mistreated. I’ve worked hard, giggled and frowned at an 8hr bad hair day. Then had my actual diamantes decided to kill me. OMG, they hurt! I don’t know what happened, but they started to gnaw away at my ears making them throb with soreness. When the only thing you adore eats away at you, then you know you’re in trouble. As much as I adore Primani, their diamantes do suck big hairy willies.  *Ouchy* (I’ve just enjoyed a giant Indian with Loverboy, whilst cooing at Ruby. It’s giving the trumps and a larger waist line, yet the simple satisfaction of it all, makes up for the despair.) I’ve finished it all up, with a felt duck and a wine slurp, whilst listening to Pete tell me how much he adores me, and watching Ruby chew on her big toe like its..chicken. I got hit on today by a hottie. A handsome one…so i’m feeling all mighty and hot. I LOVE IT.)

Felt quite social today and happy to have a decent amount of ‘Wunna soldiers’ around me. [More wine here.] And i’m pciking on Pete because the last time i went near his ‘dinky’ during a moment of passion he stopped me, in fear and mild panic, whilst stating that he ‘had been on a walk.’ Hmm yum! Pickled flavoured dinky. Luckily, it got me out of blow jobs on ‘Date Night.’ He should walk more often.

I don’t actually have too much to report, because i’m happy and Wunna Land is all dandy. Plus, i can’t tell you much of whats going on right now in my life. The good thing is that it’s finally FRIDAY tomorrow. My favourite day of the week. The ‘feeling’ always gets the better of me and well whilst i’ve flung the old diet out the window with confetti, sin and bordeom, i figured i might aswell have fun.  I’m a party girl, well more of a ‘goodtime ‘girl at heart and no matter how hard i try (even though i’m an oldie right now) i just can’t fight the feeling. However i’m certainly no longer made for a fucking long ass club night. (I’ve sworn a lot to day. I really do need to attempt to stop.) I love glamour, cocktails and wonderful company and if i teach you anything, it’ s ALL about the company. Be it a boy, a bag, a bear or a bestie. (Don’t hink i haven’t enjoyed cocktails with only my clutch for company.)

After work tomorrow, i have a meeting at a coffee shop at Xcsape in Pontefract, with my publisher and literary agent. I’mso excited about the book now and mainly because they are. I’ve been through a year of getting yelled at for not completing it on time and whacking deadline with a glorious ‘all done.’ They even swore at me. 🙂 However, now it’s cleverly glittered and dusted i feel like a champion. Hopefully it’ll do well. Yet either way, i’m luckiy to have randomly been given the opportunity and simply because of this little blog. I’m excited for all the praise tomorrow. It’ll make a change from all the ‘you’re not good enough’ marlarkey. 🙂 Can’t wait. Oh and especially because ‘Date Night’ follows! I NEED it, i’ve had an eventful week of jiggery and a pokery.

Okay, i’m gonna enjoy more wine and wink at my mirror image. Therefore i’ll love you and leave you and totally hope for the bes. 🙂

Chrissie. x

Keep it cheeky and make sure you are doing exactly what YOU WANT. Do not let others control your magic and well if you do anything love, but LIVE!

 

Not fit for the frantics

Drama! Drama! Drama! I’ve been swirling around a whirlwind of dewy dripped dramatics, that all seem to be ending in pointy fingers, sternish words and head shakes. I’ve had a mildy awkward day. Never my favourite and well i just feel that i’m wallowing in a merry little time where i’m having to prove myeslf and prevent myself from being ‘Weeble’ pushed a little. Luckily, i’m quite a feitsly, little ‘so & so’ and one that is (Lord knows how) but accidentally doing well, due to my path being blessed with glitter. Therefore, i gave as good as I got, dribbled in a strength, dashed with ‘ooh laa’ and realized that i’m actually not a force to be reckoned with. I like that about me. However, due to the mundane cycle of life consuming me, i actually almost forgot. Push me. I push back. But i’ll always do it with a smile, a cheap est of diamantes, boobs a *wink* and charm. 🙂

Tuedsay was magnificent. A day where i for the first time in a long time felt ‘freeee’ and at 8am in the morning. I had one of thos odd moments, where to pause to appreciate life, and feel the wind on your skin accidentally, whilst enjoying a good deep whiff of life. I felt excited, filled to the brim with joie de vivre and completed free, almost *cut away* from all things dull, burdening and quite stressfully suffocating. I was indepedant. Living life. Loving life and to me that’s what our hopeful 100 years is all about. Life experience, love and fun.

I’ve managed to get myself into a whole merry bundle of good old trouble today. Not too harsh, yet a good bundle, i’d say. 🙂 All of it due to my own independant streak of determination and feist. But worth it. I’m happy on the whole and it really isn’t just becaus i’ve had half a bottle of wine.

If you’re thinking this is about my love life..for the first time you’re wrong. That little area of life couldn’t be more perfect! Infact coffetti a charming fluster of hearts around it all and pop it under a champagne shower. Loverboy aka Pete and i have been nothing but delicious and the kind that i’ve always dreamed of as a little girl. Baby Ruby is doing gloriously and home life is nothing short of marvellous. I love it.

On the whole i realized how lucky I am andhow lucky i have been in life..and when that realization waves at you from under a rainbow mis of fluster, you KNOW that in the end, everything will be alright!

WELL DONE to the ‘whoever’ who won the £161 million lottery! Dreams really do come true! *Wiggle-wink*

The Crab Waddle.

It’s not even 9 am yet and i’ve already had to open, leg, crab waddle around the bathroom, with kittens at my ankles hunting for toilet roll. Don’t you just hate it when you tend to your morning piddle. (I performed mine in my black office pencil dress, in diamantes and big hair.) Only to find that when you’ve completed the art of the ‘pee-pee,’ you look to your left and there’s none LEFT! Not a bit of toilet roll in sight!

In my hour of need and with only a kitten looking up at my privates, doing ‘Puss in boots’ eyes, i then have to straddle up, whilst making sure i’m refraining from getting my own wee on me and crab-like waddle across the bathroom, to a cream cupboard, to perform a ‘reach in’ and get my pretty self a lovely bit of Andrex 3 ply love. I believe there was victory music and dolly-like chanting. Then I wiped up, slipped on some frillies and tottered out into the hallway to look at my mirror image and *hair-toss.* If in doubt, GLAM it out.

(The cream cupboard i’m refering to is decieving. It looks all pure, useful and beautiful on the outside. But once you’ve got there and it’s opened it’s just full of junk..and toilet roll. Which I believe is the exact opposite to moi! I look like a bit of junkeroo, yet i’m actually more rosy-fresh than one would imagine. Dipped in a witty bit of smutty smut ofcourse. Yeah, i’ve had a rather colourful past. But colourful pasts are only good if you’ve learnt from them and that i’ve certainly managed to do! Plus on the whole, i can wave the ‘at least i’ve lived’ flag and do it with a smile on my face and a wiggle. Am i really trying to be all ‘don’t misjudge me, before 9am and before my morning ginned up coffee? 🙂 )

I hopefully have a great week ahead of me. Who knows what The Gods believe i deserve? Yet I do know i’m working the entire way through it. Ouchy! I’m really happy that my book is all done and in editing and i’m peeking around corners wondering what will come next? (No matter what…it better come with toilet roll.) Managed to Perv on Loverboy all night, whilst he attempted to weight lift in the living room. He was really only doing it so I watched because whenever i turned away..the lifting stopped. How cute. 🙂

A *Woohoo* of a WEEKEND!

Can’t remember where I left off. But *Wow* what a weekend. Not only has it been dipped in Glamour, love and ‘ohh laa.’ But it has been a delightful *ooze* of all go, magic and charm! I haven’t been able to blog as I go, simply down to the fact that Loverboy opted for ‘not paying ‘his internet bill. Meaning that I would have to pay it this morning, topless and in Leopard print pyjamas, with Ruby attached to my hair, performing a *yank.* I’ve certainly managed to dent my bank balance this weekend. Therefore in order to make me feel better, i’m going to go with the ‘that’s what life is about ‘line, intsead of the ‘aaah fucking hell’ malarkey. 🙂 (The good thing about working all the time is the fact that there’s zero time to spend your fine earned pences. However, the good thing about a big spend up, is the fact that you get to show you’re loved ones that you care enough to treat them. Yet there’s always that time in the future where you find yourself wishing you hadn’t spazzed ‘that much’ on dinner and lipgloss. I’ll deal with that when i get there. *Wiggle-wink.*)

Okay, let me take you back to Friday, ‘Date Night.’ Wow! After a cuddle and a kiss and a ‘really what should we do?’ Loverboy decided that we were to venture to Leeds for a little love and dinner. Now that we’re back to fairytale and flying the flag for all loving and somewhat magical relationships, we kinda want to make the most out of ‘Date Night’..especially because it’s the only  night we have where my mum has Ruby over for a sleepover and to us as much as we ADORE parenthood, we really do believe that ‘Date night’ is an esenstial part of ANY relationship, once a child comes into play. No-one I know in a relationhsip even goes on a ‘Date Night’ with their bunny of honey and well to me, that’s really quite bizarre. Loverboy and I love to get dressed up and gallop hand in hand to a swanky little restuarant over cocktails, getting wined, dined and adored. And on Friday,we chose ‘Bibis.’ (Leeds.)

Amazing! ‘Bibis’ is the kind place where one gets lots in a world of magic over dinner. It’s sort of like stepping back in time, to a ‘ooh’ of snazzy, high class art deco, where the champagne doesn’t come cheap and the lobster tail tinkers as a starter over fruity cocktails. Both Loverboy and I love a bit of Glamour, therefore we enjoyed as much of the ambiance we could, to say we were sat next to a really old rich man, who had a 30 years younger, rather glamourous blond girlfriend, who he walleted into submission, as I slurped on my daiquiri cocktail. The place was packed and glorious and the sheer excitment on my little Loverboy’s face was delicious. He loved it. Every moment of it and it’s those moments, during a relationship that matter. We’ve never been happier. I’m getting adored and the exact right way! Finally! Thankyou CUPID!!! It’s been a long ride.

Dinner was yummy. Far too yummy for me to simplify with common ‘word.’ Magical. We filled oureselves with food and drinks, under the greatest mood lighting and the most perfect customer service. It was very ‘speak-easy’ dipped with the ‘ooh laa’ of italiano.’ I’ve never been s full, therefore it wa skinda good that i made the executive decision to fold up my diet and frisbee it into the distance in the name of ‘much better things to do.’ I feel sexy right now. I even feel hot. I feel right up there with the vixens. Therefore i don’t think i need a diet in order to make me feel delicious. I look great and i’m really not afraid to say it or celebrate it. (Plus, when i’m on a diet, Pete decides he wants to attempt to control everything and monitor my food intake. *Yawn.* I hate that and will not at all allow such behaviour. I’m a girly with the gift of the feist, dazzled with independancy and a jiggle of the ‘ooh laa.’ Don’t try to side step in all quietly and then attempt to turn ‘Hilter’ on my ass. I already have a moustache on my privates. I don’t need another. 🙂 Bad joke. I mean, he even now tries to make me dress less ‘floozified’ in order to make his life easier and less of a battle with the boys. Even though i don’t enjoy him making his remarks, I kinda like having a boy who wants to cage in whats his and not share it with anyone.

The really Italian waiter at ‘Bibis’ after i tipped him tried to ‘make out’ with me as i left. I went in for an air-kiss becaues he was all about grabbing me and i felt it was only polite. 🙂 Yeah…wrong move. There’s no such thing as an *air-kiss* with a hot blonded italian. He went full force, ‘thank you for my tip, i will look at your boobies more and touch them’ as he snogged both sides of my face…AT ONCE! Pete did that ‘boy’ thing where he pretended he didn’t see it happen. Yet for a boy who didn’t see much, he usre as hell grumbled on about italian men and their flirty ways after the marlarkey on our way home.

Great night had by all.

The next day, we ventured back into Leeds, on a glorious day of ‘sunny-sun-sun,’ to buy oureselves a bit of love. I treated Loverboy on this day and simply because he has a bitchy bum. Plus, i appreciate all the help that he gives me with baby Ruby. Pete’s sacrificed his entire life for baby Ruby, whereas i’ve gone out to make money for the lot of us! It works well. i’ve become the hunter, yet misted over with a candy coated giggle.

I bought myself a little Lipsy. He snagged himeslf a couple of pairs of jeans. We lunched at the ‘Cattle Grid’ on pieces of meat, wine and salad, (after i had pulled an  ‘i’m not eating outside’ Diva.’ I can’t eat outisde, even on a sunny day. The wind gets the better of me and i turn all grumpy with the maintenance between bites. Loverboy learnt this earlier on in our merry bit of relationship and the good thing about it is that he REMEMBERED that i don’t enjoy outside eating from way back when, i moved us to a better suited indoor spot. ‘Pete if you’re gonna date  a bimbo, you’ve got to learn that we don’t eat in the wind. Our eyelashes could fly off and our hair gets stuck to my lipgloss.’ )

Lovely day. Long day. Yet we were both happy and felt deliciously treated. Infact, it all ended with bottles of water, blazing sunlight and  fragrance buying. Followed by a final trip home for a pamper and a tan. I had to run around this weekend prepring for the week ahead.

Today we lunched at Rogerthorpe Manor, where Ruby performed unusual dramatics? We have an ‘IT’ baby who we can pretty much take ANYWHERE and she will gleefully play along. Today and due to the fact that all she wants to do right now is try to stand up and walk every minute of the day was insania. I actually placed a giant flower in her hair, attached to a ‘made my grandma’ headband on her today. Maybe that got the better of her and made her think that she was the next Beyonce. Who knows? But regardless it certainly pissed iteslf down, during lunch. The rain and I are NOT friends. One of the main reasons, I enjoyed living in Hollywood soo much was the ditsinct lack of rain. (Reminds me..i need to tan.)

I can’t be arsed to write all this now!

Long story short, we then ventured off to enjoy more shopping, to buy ‘things that we really felt we needed’ like hot pink jackets and sheeny work  trousers. (I currently have hot pink nails and i’m loving it. I need an orange tan to really wave the flag of greatness.) I love my weekend of pamper and ‘to do’ list.

Ended up at ‘Ask’ where we’ve juts enjoyed dinner. Ruby AGAIN pulled a ‘Diva’ and weirdly wanted to use her slanty eyes to steal?

I’m absolutely Knackered. We all are and well here i am, back in my leopard print pyjamas, ready for the week ahead, enjoying what i guess is the circle of life. I really do need something exciting to happen.

 

 

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