A tad bit exhausted much

I’ve had no sleep, due to having my window open during ‘nighty-nighty’ time and hearing a rather loving couple domestically violate each other..ferociously, to screaming, crying, swearing and drunken romantic slurring, in a parking area. Lol. I shouldn’t laugh. However, there was just a moment where i bobbed my little head up, snarled over at Pete, checked over my tiny baby Ruby to make sure all was well in ‘dreamland’ then say, ‘is he beating her up and should we do anything about it?’  Pete opted for ‘peeking’ out the window, yawning and deciding that they we’re fine. (Then i heard manic girly screeching, followed by a Yorkshire boyfriend voice, repeating ‘You’re drawing unneccessary attention to us, you twat!’ I enjoy how calling a girl a ‘twat’ is no how men attempt to shut us up. Not in my world. That poor girl, may have dabbled on the ‘psycho’ drunk line of normality. However, we’re girls and when we’re young and in love…it happens. Even to the best of us. I mean, i’ve had to have security peel me off moving vehicles before in broad Hollywood daylight, screaming for a boy who choes another girl over me, to love me. 🙂 THANK GOD ‘Wunna 2005’ is now over. Is it August yet? I mean how long has July been. I’m hating having to go to work tomorrow. I’m not made for a 9 to 5-er. I need to basque in the mild sunshine a little more, with deliciously fruity..i mean VODKA..drinks. I’m absolutely exhausted due to an eventful weekend of jubliant filly-folly. I’ve just this second got back from a wee sunday shopping day with my Mum and Dad. I’m a much better daughter these days and well luckily we’re closer than ever. but we actually always have been. I’ve been very fortunate in that area of life.

Okay, so much has happened so i’ll skim it. Let me take you back to Friday night 5pm. I’m chained to an office desk, feeling the most bored any little puss of kitty cat could ever feel. Infact, i could’ve even exploded with boredom, to the point where i began to get an itch. I cannot BARE to be sat in one place for 8 fricking hours. That’s no life at all. Therefore, my other office Glamour puss (Kelly) and I counted down the minutes..then thought ‘fuck it’ and left. It was Friday. I don’t care if i get into trouble. I work hard…and well i’m bored.

Friday night was DATE NIGHT! I galloped out of work, into the ‘still sunny,’ cuddled and kisesd my little baby Ruby, winked at my Handsome ‘Loverboy,’ dropped the fruit of my loins off at Grandma Wunna, (by apple trees)  and was then driven off manically to get to our pre-date night massages! Oh yeah baby!

Now, i’m a whore for a massage. As a teen i would have one once a week, every week and because my mother demanded it. It is now a rather important part to my life, yet i’m always finding them to be rubbish. I’ve now finally found a delicious ‘rubber downer’ to mood music and dim, calm light and that is with ‘Neemaf Complimentary Therapies’ in Pontefract. Oh my GOD! Amazing! I’m now a slave to my Friday night ‘stress buster’ dream of a massage, than i’ve roped Loverboy into it too. (Luckily, he’s bouji and loves a mighty rub down. I picked well. I hate boys, who don’t have an inner glamour puss embeded within their soul. Infact, now i remember, my friend ‘Lisa’ was trying to make me choose CARDIO (EWW) over a massage! As if! I merely reminded her that if she intended on reaching the Ultimate Glamour pussy heights…she really did need to absorb the routine. Massage OVER cardio…EVERY time! Then i craved a sausage roll…as she had one…that she claims was the one i left in a wheely bin outside ‘United Carpets.’ 🙂 )

My rub down went blissfully. Then Pete had his little turn at total enlightenment. He didn’t realize that the ‘stress buster’ massage was only a BACK massage..and instead of only peeling off shirt, he got completely and embarrassing nudies (hello Jackson 5 pubes)  and laid on the ‘rub-down’ table, to a ‘wooo’ of calming spirt music. Haha. Poor Tracey! (Our masseuse.) Then i let then throw in some accupressure on Pete, because i didn’t know what it was. 🙂 Hilarious, it was a man, lovingly massaging Loverboy’s head. 🙂 HAHA. I believe it was romantic, yet awkward.

No word of a lie and god knows what happened in that room, but Pete literally thinks that truely is the best thing he’s EVER experienced. He actually looked amazed and teary eyed and we’ve booked in for one every week. Lol. Easy sell. I was stood outside the therapy room slagging people off, to Zumba music, whilst Pete was tending to his ‘Bromantic’ accupressure. My massage killed may have killed my stress. Yet the ‘diva’ in me can’t be tamed. No matter how hard i try to kick it out of me, or drown it in vodka.

Long story short and feeling wonderful. We venture off to Rinaldi’s for a romantic italian meal for two, full of glitter, love, flirty eyes and vino. Pete kept telling everyone that he a massage. LOL. Even the waiter. Gorgeous meal. Rekindled our adoration for one another. Walked out hand in hand under the stars and got home, for me to pass out in my eyelashes and boobies! Woo-hoo. I’m a biddy now. I can’t take the pace. I’m far too busy to be FUN for that long.

Wok up the next morning, got the keys to my new pad, met my mum, dad and brother, ventured to Doncaster with baby Ruby and shopped ALL DAY. Wanted a coffee, ended up coming back with a receipt for a kingsize bed. Had the best time with my family in the sun, whilst getting our ‘purchase’ on. Bought Ruby everything and simply because she looked at me like she couldn’t live without the toy version of the ‘Zing Zilla ‘ monkies. My mum bought a bed, simply because I did. (Oh the pressure) and i actually met loads and loads of Wunna fans! Loved it. You all kept poking out from around corners with an ‘I loved you on BBF’ or an ‘I follow you on Twitter.’ How sweet. It really does my ego the world of good. It makes me believe my 5 minutes is re-reving. Lol. I loved meeting everyone..even if it was in Primark.

Wonderful day. Over-spend. Feet hurt. Got home. Played, giggled and chilled with my little Rubes. No…wait? We actually ALL met up at the new place for a nosey. It’s gorgeous. Pete was weirdly quiet during his ‘look around?’ My family adored it and rooted through every cupboard and then Ruby and I opted to the ‘woo-hoo’ option and  laid on our backs in the empty, but freshly cozy cream carpetted living room, infront of a remote control fireplace giggling and making ‘carpet angels.’ A moment of greatness that i’ll always remember. I pretty much got the house FOR HER.

Then we got home. Loved, laughed, lived and conked out. (I might of had another vodka spritzer. 🙂 ) Went shopping again this afternoon, after a moment at a garden centre for lunch. I’m now back home, not at ALL wanting to go to work tomorrow because i’m surely far too delicious for such boredom. It’s getting me waay down.

This is the only time of the day i get to spend with Pete and Rubes…so dollies i’m gonna get to it. *Wiggle-wink.*

Love you!

 

In a rush

I’m in a rush again..meaning i only have time for a quick morning ‘on the go breakfast’ kinda blog. Yesterday was boring, so lucky i don’t have much to report. Lovely weather. Certainly a ‘reach for your umbrella drink and zebra bikini’ moment. Then it rained and we all snapped back to reality.

I’m learning that it really is important to be doing what your heart desires. Life is a wonderful thing and way too many people take the tiny things in life that really don’t matter, far too seriously, becaused they’re conditioned to do so by others, osciety or their own insecurities. The world is a GIANT place of a disco ball and we’re a billionth, willionth (great scientific terminology) of it all..therefore just make the most of the moments that you have and celebrate…inspire..love, dance and middle-finger anyone that tries to ‘tut-tut’ at you.

You can tell i had a boring yesterday simply because it gave me time to think. I hate thinking, it makes my extensions curl. *Gallops off to pout and pose in bathroom mirrors.*

Hopefully you all have that Friday feeling. I have a pre-booked ‘after work’ massage and a night labelled with ‘Date’ tonighta! I’m excited and simply because i realized how much Loverboy needs to feel loved. I mean, since i’ve had Ruby my glitzy world has glittered and oozed over with utter unconditional joy, to the point where she really has consumed all of my attention, leaving Loverboy to twiddle this thumbs..or privates…in a lonely corner..like men do. When it’s his turn for affection, i’m then usually slipping on heels and rushing off to work, book meetings, or collapsing in exhaustion. Yeah he hsouldn’t get moody of it..I’m one to wave the ‘please do grow up and stop having a Bill Cosby hairdo’ flag.

However, i noticed that when he had a moment to grab my attention, he began to ferocioulsy ‘Carlton Banks’ dance for me, ( i love it because he’s rubbish at it)  in order to win my affection. It made me ‘aww’ and realize that he needs more love.

Life is great right now. Book is in editing and on it’s way to greatness. Everyone’s weirdly trying to csore a piece of The Wunan right now? I’m at work all day. I have a belly ache. I can’t wait for my masasge tonight and i adore my tiny baby RUBY! Everythings almost too perfect, that i’m kinda waiting for something to shit on me from a great height. But i’m a Wunna i’ll sprinkle it in diamante dust then boomerang it back to where it came from in heels!

*Wiggle-wink*

Love you. Off to work…

Just a quickie…

Morning my little cherry pies of ‘cha’boom.’ This has got to be a quickie, (ooh i liiike) and ismply because i’m in a rush to work and my life seems to be playing up and not fitting speed. I’m a glamour puss..my body’s on swagger mode. My head runs at the speed of light, along with my heels, concocting a weird combination of ‘this ain’t working,’ much.

I’m exhautsed and i feel like my legs have been walking, walking, walking for miles on end, non-stop, even after a big sleep. I can’t wait for the weekend because i need a break from the jiggle. My legs only hurt because i had to psrint up a giant hill, then another giant hill, in 10 inch hooker heels yet bizarrely looking highly profesisonal, (like one of those powerful ladies of ‘Barbie.’ Infact i looked so ‘important’ that a dustbin man ecsorted me to my destination, in fear that i ‘might get got’ and because i obviously ‘wasn’t from around here.’ Lol. I was in Wakefield. I’m never hiking in 10 inch heels ever again on cobbles. Nice bin man though.

I worked all day, attempted a couple of ecaspe routes. I’m shit at ecsaping, because i can’t think logically. Plus my big hair, diamantes and bright pink trench made me quite visible to ANYONE really. You know you’re shit at escaping when you’re dolled up and an actual CHAIN, GIANT comedy padlock and a wheel-barrow get the better of you. I couldn’t get my head around in all and i was randonly in what looked like a cubby hole dungeon. AWFUL. Therefore, i waited, spritzed and did a public catwalk saunter out. It’s the only way that works for me.

Ended up at a meeting, where i had to meet a lady in PR and my Lit. Agent at a coffee shop…where the bin man had ecsorted me. We had a quick, punchy talk and juts like that life got better.

I’ll catch up later… (Oh Loverboy and I are back to ‘good’ again now.) Love is a weird thing. I often fight the feeling, because i’m not used to being so stable. I always  thought love was more exciting in the early flirty single stages, or when you’re young and getting flutterbies at the sight of a text. However, i’ve realized that when you’re older you look for something different and that ‘different’ rock of stability…is kinda what i’m dealing with now. [Add vodka here.] 🙂 Here we go again…

 

Toyboys, Anger & Giggle Bums

What a day! I’ve been exhausted through most of it, due to early ‘baby-momma’ mornings, where Loverboy decides not to help one bit and i’m left  adding a full time work schedule to that, plus a drappage of diamantes, that could weight the most sturdy of floozies down, you have how i’ve mentally felt. I call this ‘hazy’ and i’ve not only just had to run around in circles for Loverboy, whilst organizing appointments, sorting out my book meeting for tomorrow and worrying that i’m not the correct shade of tan orange? Pete’s decided to piss me off good and proper by trying to prevent me from writing my BLOG. OH MY GOD! What the hell is wrong with boys! My blog was here before PETE and has stayed loyal to me for that entire time. However the thing that gets on Pete’s nerves is that i have to write it in what he calls ‘his’ time. WHATEVER. He wants to cook and have dinner. I want to write a 10 minute blog. He bizarrely goes *Queeny* over the fact that i’m writing it during HOME time, instead of writing it at work…so i lost it and pulled a giant DIVA ON HIM. I HATE men that attempt to control my freetime…and this is how it went:

‘OMG! WHAT THE FUCK PETE!! I can write my blog WHENEVER i fricking WANT to write my blog. It was here before you and means a damn sight MORE TO ME, than YOU DO. Quit trying to control EVERYTHING and have EVERYTHING on your terms! I don’t CARE about what you FUCKING DO when i’m around. But I’M WRITING MY BLOG RIGHT FRICKING NOW! *Hair-toss* DEAL WITH IT. This is MY LAPTOP. I PAY FOR THE INTERNET…so stop being a spoilt fucking BRATT and stop trying to CONTROL ME. This blog is THE ONLY reaosn why i even GOT MY BOOK DEAL , you twat! It might not be important to you, but it is TO ME, which you don’t even care about. It’s not all about you. It’s got fuck all to do with you. I’m going into another room. *Exits dramatically* Do it at work? I can’t do it at WORK, YOU IDIOT, because i’m WORKING! I can do whatever iw ant, WHEN I WANT….cya!’

Lovely! Lovely! 🙂 Whatever. I’m tired fo me attempting to MAKE me do things THEIR WAY. I’m a independant ball of kitty cat feist and infact an independant ball of kitty cat feist doing a great deal BETTER than them!! I mean  surely they should concentrate on making THEIR life better instead of trying to trip up around MINE! I work hard and i’m dedicated. Pete has really pissed me off and should actually take a leaf out of my book. I have men who need to always have their own way, when they deliver ‘not much’ to a relationship on a daily. I’m angry and currrently blogging from a separate room, in leopard print pyjamas. lol. (Angry, but still cheap.)

Apart from him ruining my night. (It’s fine i have vodka and realized a long time ago that men were nothing but annoying, egos, with willies. Not ALL men. Just the insecure ones, that end up meeting me.) I’ve actually had a really great day!

I had a full day of giggles work and fun! I have a work colleague call me up simply to serenade me with fine voice and with ‘I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts’ as his song choice. I then had Kelly managed to actually find me a ‘TOYBOY warehouse’ (yes..there is such thing. You can actually BUY a TOYBOY now! There really is a god and she really is a COUGAR. I’m a cougar in training. I used to really hate cougars when i was young because my mexican boyfriend at the time had a cougar ex that he adored. Not that i’m old. I quite like the idea.) Kelly (poor thing) actually found the website accidentally, whilst she was Google searching Demi Moore, who she described as ‘wouldn’t mind being.’ I love that the word ‘Warehouse’ follows the word ‘Toyboy.’ It makes it sound like a Cotsco, filled with shelves of young, handsome, ‘looking for old woman love’ boys. HAHA. Hilarious!

I’ve missed my LA friends a lot today and because i had time to think about them. LA was a big part of my life. A big part of my frowing up and a big part of who i am today. I kinda scrolled through their Facebook pages, remembering the past and how much fun we all had. Then my memories got pissed over, by me taking myself back to a club that was named ‘Bliss’ at the timem where some ‘A’ esxual guy named John wanted to date me and take me to Cabo on his bullshit ‘Daddies jet.’ I remember going back to an after party and his friend doing the robot to quiet hip/hop music. It was a really boring time with carpets. (Anytime the floor under you has carpets, you’re ahving a boring time.) I actually think his friend told me that the Cabo guy named John shagged plants? Nothing happened, apart from me doing that girl thing where you tsalk the boy, by accidentally turning up at the exact same place, hoping to see them again. I did…and he ignored me. Lol. I never really used to do myself any favours. Luckily, God gifted me with a dazzle of the ‘grown up’ now. THANKFULLY!! I’m far less tragic and come with far more swagga now.

I have nothing else to report, other than i’m still angry. I’m waiting to give my mum forms. I’m excited for my book. I adore little Ruby, (who i could’ve named ‘Malibu.’)  My staple shoe in my closet really is a PINK stilleto and there really does need to be more eye candy in Yorkshire. UGH! What is this place?>?>?

I’m off to calm down and make up with Loverboy, even though he was being a twat. The good thing about that twat, is that he is one that learns his lessons fast. I just HATE boys that end up trying to be controlling and selfish! It always happens when they date me! Annoying!

Me & sammie….drnuk. 🙂

Egyptian Whores and Wink Fests

Great day! It’s funny how a simply day around other silly beings can make a whole entire difference to your entire day. I’m now brimming over with a delicious *ooze* of ‘ohh laa,’ nothing that my utter tragical existance is thankfully paved with glitter and gin. (I’m a drinker, so sue me. I love a cocktail after a hard day at work.  Yet If you had had to adventure your way through my life, due to a marvellous stream of  poor choices, bad willies and ego..in tinesl town. You’d be drinking to. Each time i fucked up…i’d accumulate something, whenever i had to leave, whether it be running from a boy, a home or a country. Yippee! *Pout* I’d find myslf tottering onto my next chapter with a mattress, or a suitcase, a broken heart, a new job or a wink. This time i actually did something RIGHT, [applaud here] and I still managed to accumulate a new bit of lovage…however this time it was a baby. Lol. I created myself, *ouched* her out of my vagina and let her come along for the journey of my life, after naming her after my favourite precious gem, instead of my favourite drink or stripper. (You have Pete to thank for that.)

Loverboy and I are back to being all lovey dovey after i managed to realized that it’s not his fault that he didn’t invent Facebook, afterall. He is what he is and he does what he does..and i’ve never appreciated him more. It really does actually make a change, as i really was a tragic little girl, who’d trade up when it came to love EVERYTIME and in the dying hope that i’d find something better, or someone a bit more successful, a bit more delicious, or a bit more…well anything. It was certainly when i was at my worst and i was developing rather quickly via the rules of West Hollywood.

I’ve romanced everyone from a movie star to a homeless breakdancer. Loverboy..aka Pete rests right where i need him to. In the place where i began. The boy who knew me and adored me before the madness. However luckily i’m now a much better version of myself, with a giggly, wiggly edge….and tits. 🙂

White wine makes me angry at him. Therefore, i’m only drinking red around him from this point on and now red by ‘Weight Watchers’ (yesI am a loser) because i’m scared that i’ll end up looking like a fat old lady from a Burmese meat market selling chicken noodles to tourists for $50? Wait? No..that’s hand jobs?

Anyway, the point is i’m nicer when i’m off the vino blanc. I’m pretty nice most of the time, with a lemon twist of cheap gliitery and extremely glamourous charisma, folded in with a sexy swirl of sarcasm. I have an evil sense of humour and i have no idea where i inherited it from? Life taught me that i’m foolish and therefore need to laugh to prevent myslf from crying. 🙂

I must venture off and look through home decor books for my new home. I currently have Ruby banging on the laptop keys like she’s Jerry Lee Lewis…with a dummy and Loverboy making chilli noodles in his pants. Thank god we’ve made up. Love really does make life easier and this boy really does love me. I need to remember that and not jolly off into a glitzy, big boobied tangent of bitch.

Today i managed to get called a ‘whore’ (out of affection) by two male friends in 2.3 seconds. I flicked onto Facebook and there Gay Adam was adorning me with a delicious ‘whore’ wall pots followed by a *wink.* Then in an exact second (and a bit 🙂 ) I flicked over to my work emaily ‘chat’ thing and got called an ‘EGYPTIAN’ whore…by salesmanMatt, who’s leaving for California in 12 days.

Life is wonderful. A gift to be lived, enjoyed and danced through. Add a bit of *sass* to the equation and you can do it MY way…making your world that little bit ‘ooh laa.’ *Wiggle-Wink*

(Me in the Hollywood records party photobooth, with the V.P of the label. I obviously made a good impressipn. *Cringe*)

Men, men, silly men…

Pete is straight up pissing me off! He’s going through this weirdly, lazy, sloth-like, DIVA, stubborn phase and when you powder that over in a distinct lack of intellect. (I’m the brains of our operation believe it or not and he’s the braun..so yeah we’re fucked.) But let me tell you. I’m fed up! (However also remember that i am currently on my period and after being preggo for a jolly ages, the feelings of my new ‘flow’ are once again…not much of a disco.)

We argued last night, after a pretty wonderful day, over dim sum. 🙂 We had just got done watching ‘social media.’ (I movie i had never seen but LOVED! There’  nothing i find more attractive than a Harvard Grad, mildly geeky, brain box. I am a glamour puss, who adores a man of that kind and because they hold my attention for longer than a minute.) Therefore i’m already disappointed that Pete didn’t invent Facebook by 11pm and this was before the dim sum.

Anyway, we’re starving. It’s too late to order out. Therefore we go to our only option, which is midnight raid the freezer, to find the little chunk sof overly frozen, forgotten shit.

We found dim sum. We steamed them.

20 minutes later, they’re cooked and we’re having a giant argument because Pete is refusing to eat them (in our hour of starvation) due to not knowing ‘where they had come from?’ HOW RUDE! I’m fucking starving and asian! I can’t at all remember what happened them, due to fatigue hazing over me! But, then we got into some trivial conversation about scabs. I think i was making him eat one to prove that the dim sum DID actually taste better than the scab, after he claimed they were of the asme calibre. Lol. Lord knows? But it ended (after i questioned his skills as a father) with ‘I’d do more for her, than i’d ever do for YOU Chrissie !!’ #anotherhappycutsomer.

Long story short, i made him sleep on a mattress in the living room, where he will now stay until i feel better. 🙂 I still haven’t forgiving him yet. I’m telling you…it’s the period.

 

Living, loving and finding it YUM.

Happy Church Day! I’m currently going through ‘Latin Lover’ drama, so i’m all feisted up, in a fiery flair of ‘please do F*** off.’ I mean how ANNOYING are exes! Like I’ve always said, the problem with dating is that you end up with a mighty bitter bundle of ‘no hoping’ past heart-breakers, who keep wiggling into your life and either trying to ‘woo’ you, trying to yell ta you, or trying to make you jealous. I have great exes and horrific ones. ‘Latin Lover’ is one who i simply find FUCKING annoying. 🙂 Yipppeee! (He’s the king of shouty emails…so i beautifully performed a ‘Wunna’ and sent him my OWN version of events, by simply explaining the facts, which he was incredibly DUMB not to see. I don’t enjoy stupid people. They never work diamonds, the way they’re meant to be worked.)

On a happier note. I’m having Mummy/baby day today. A day that i adored more than anything in the world. A day where i don’ t have to be at work and a day that makes me never want to step back into that office, ismply for the love of the fruit of my loins..who’s a bread stealing, delicious darling of an ‘ooh’ factor. ‘The Wunnas’ (Mum, Dad, Brother) and I all went shopping yesterday with Rubes and well i’ve never experienced a more greedy little bambino in my life. My daughter was literally hanging onto shelves, refusing to leave Hello Kitty and packs of sweets, giggling at blond people because they reminded her of The Tweenies and then crying at a boy because he didn’t fit the normal stereo-typical stencil of ‘HOT.’ (I’m obviously a GREAT mum. I simply laugh and wheel her off in bows with my mum and leopard print heels. We bought sofas yesterday for my new home…i was followed by aggressive sales ladies, who insulted my intelligence, by attempting their tragic pitch of manipulation on me. I hate that and simply because they’ll think i’ll fall for it….I did. 🙂 I came out having *swiped* a sofa!)

‘Date Night’ was my Friday night. Nice. But boring. I actually got really annoying, due the poor effect sof white wine. If i’m gonna have white wine and be with Pete then i need to be having fun. If i’m not, then i become annoying. We ended up pulling each others hair..which is harder for me, because he’s growing an afro. Then I stormed off before pasisng out in my full, glamour puss face of glory. Now i look back at it…it was actually funny. However, don’t you just hate those moments that are shit at the time, but funny AFTER. Like..what’s the point?

What i learnt? I’m a fun time girl and when i’m on the white wine and with ‘handsome’ people, i expect to be reaching for my sequins and having a good old time of ‘raa-raa.’ I got bored. It got messy. I ended up not going to my work colleagues birthday, (even though i did text) simply because by that time…i was in a mood.

On the whole i’m happy though. I’m not looking forward to work tomorrow AT ALL. I can’t bare to be strapped to my desk for 8hours, doing not much that i ooze a great passion for. Your quality of life is all that matters. I’ve lived a wonderfully fruitful and delicious life of adventure, love and excitement. Every day, i now look around me in my office, see my other work colleagues..see how not happy a lot of them are about their work environment and thing, there really is MORE. I’ve experienced it and i intend to gobble it ALL UP.

Therefore i’m on it and pulling a Wunna! I have my book meeting on Wednesday, which should be good. I’m working all week. I’m moving next weekend to a brand new place for winter and i can’t wait for Crimbo to come around the corner.

Life really is wonderful and it really is important to not get trapped in the mundane flow of normality, if your true passion is being shelved. I see it all the time and it saddens me. I’ve done everything i ever wanted in life and it all began in Hollywood. There are no rules and no-one can tell you how to enjoy your 100 years. Often we get lost on the way. but the right people, will get you back on the right track and the right people are the people who do not need to use you for anything AT ALL.

 All that matters is fun and love. (I totally had kinky dreams about a celeb friend last night. Funny how that happens..especially when i’m more than a decade older than them. I’m gross. However, i’ve noticed how i go for younger? I mean Pete’s 5 years younger. Bizarre?)

Going to enjoy every moment of Mummy/baby day today! Yipppeee!

Zebra Print & Frills

Morning my delicious lumps of ‘ooh laa.’ I’m power dressing, working pinstripes and over the top ‘updo’s.’ I’m on route to work, excited for my work colleague ‘Claire’s’ upcoming wedding, tonight is ‘Date Night,’ plus other work colleague ‘Becky’s’ birthday, rollde over with glitter, a pile on of a work load, a merry *wink-wiggle-skip* and being told by freind and again (work colleague) Lisa that  she will unfortunately not be taking interior design tips by moi.

I like over the top, glammy, cheap charisma, oozed over with luxury and elegance. (Whorey.) I’m Zebra Print, chandelliers and hot pink accents galore. I explained this to dear old Lisa…and she shook her ‘cyber’ head with an ‘Exactly,’ whilst stating that she didn’t want a house covered in animal print, disco balls and frills. (I’m all that in one. How clevery multi-taksing of me.) However, i have convinced her that a bar in the living room is a grand idea! I just haven’t told her about the greek men in togas that come with it. Hopefully my daughter will grow up to be just like…me!

This really has got to be quick because i have mummy things to tend to and i think i now smell like wee.

Life couldn’t be more wonderful. I no longer feel stressed. I can’t wait for the day to simmie on forward and i’ve just realized that i don’t actually like to decorate. i only like the idea of it all really. Once i actually have to begin the work part of it, i juts want gin and can no longer be arsd. I’m like that with marriage too. Love a Wedding. Yet find the marriage part tedious. 🙂 Lucky Pete! I think i was just born for pleasure, fun and entertainment. I’m here to come up with the glamour pussy ideas, wiggle and make everyone else do the hard graft. *Adjusts her boobs* I love my Updo today!

Have a GREAT day!

Face on/Face off

Morning my delicious munches of moo-factory. I’m groomed. I’m rocking my Hollywood maine of ‘ooh laa’ and i’m in red, moderately prepped and ready for a long day at work. I think i’ve also lost my voice a little, due to the utter shittness of our weather. Hot/Cold. Hot/Cold. It’s like a twisted heart-breaking relationship. If i miss anything about my Hollywood years, it really is the weather. Kinda made sinning, heart ache and laughter…more ‘Disney.’ Yet probably because I was in better lighting. (I’m randomly reading a ‘in blue biro’ sign, written by Loverboy claiming that others must ‘NOT PARK’ in his space. Aww…even his handwritten notes are angry. Already this morning he’s attemtpted to make me work out, when i pondered for sympathy with a ‘oooh my back hurts, i’m an oldie.‘ Instead of a romantic, ‘i’ll make everything better’ approach. He went with…‘Well you should WORK OUT more.’ Eww! I mean, it’s not as if i complaining about his poor afro comb-over attempt, to the masses…online…for the entire world to read. 🙂 He’s now doomed. *Wiggle-giggle* I think he’s looking forward to Friday where he may get a bit of sweet loving. However, i’m totterting off to my friends bit of birthday. Therefore, his willy will have to wait. Ah-dee-dums. I swear my hair smells like cats?)

I’ve been up all night with Ruby. For some reason she’s really not enjoying bad dreams right now. I think she sleeps peacefully than remembers that i’m her mother, which brings her to tears and makes her need to yank my weave out aggressively. I think she’s also confused by ‘Mummy with her face on’ and ‘Mummy with her face off.’ It’s like a whorey ‘Karate Kid’ technique. Ruby really does think we’re two different people and quite aptly, doesn’t like ‘Face off’ Mummy. That Mummy gets the word ‘Oh?’ Before the tears! Woohoo! (This is all sounding quite mentally ill now. lol.)

Whatelse? (Apart from needing coffee and being over my diet because broedom got the better of me. Life is about living and yeah that is what loesrs like me say, when we can’t lose the weight. :)) Oh yeah, ‘Latin Lover’ is moaning at me from Hungary, via email. I thought i had gotten rid of his moaning. However, it seems you never really ever do, when exes come into play. I can’t even think about it. I had to sleep in the back of a Ford Taurus, with a pitbull and some cheap vodka because of him. 🙂  I cannot at all believe my fairytale.

I’ve got a banging headache today and i think i really just need another massage. I’ve become addicted to them and well in my mind that is my workout. I also need to find a good psychic? I’m in the mood for a bit of spirtiual guidance. Then i can blame my life on the stars and keep my fingers crosesd for a happy ending.

Have a WUNNAFUL day dollies.

I love you. x

[Me on the telly…looking like i really could attempt to dress Paris Hilton.]

Keeping it Ooooh!

Evening kittens! You have my deepest apologies for a distinct lack of bloggage. But i’ve simply been strutting the heels of ‘Human Dynamo’ Meaning yeah..i’ve been busy, deliciously wrapped around with stress! Yay!

I did managed to grab myself a little pamper last night at 7pm. Being the Glamour puss that I am, who may wallow in luxury every now and again. I made the executive decision to *ooze* myself over with a stress buster massage, by a yummy blond named Tracy, who i simply adore…(not only because her therapies only cost £10, however also because she was tremedous with those healing hands!) This is all starting to sound a little lesbo, yet i assure you that it really was to ease my back pain away with Karate chops and mood music.

I felt mildy embarrassed because when i lifted my head up from the massage table ‘face hole.’ I left a delicious glittery ring of orange bronzer and TWO black slanty eyes around it. 🙂 Watch out..Wunna’s about! There’s always far too much evidence whenever i leave a room. However, luckily in life, it’s worked for me. Therefore instead of a cowardly look of embarrassment, i’m gonna go with a hair-toss, a bit of a swear and a  victory bow.

If i’m honest i’ve never felt more stressed than i do now. Life has turned into a down pour of drama. Yet without the glitter. But luckily the gin. I’m feeling mildy used. Not my favourite of feelings, yet it’s a phase i seem to belly dance through once in a while. It’s the beauty of being a ‘Wunna.’

Work is full on, and nonstop. The day job has become heavy duty! I have book meetings being scheduled and rescheduled, without people actually realizing how busy I am. (My Lit. Agent was mildy alarmed to know that i a whole 40 hours of my week already booked out and taken.)  I’m not really finding too much time for the art of being social, which i find hard, (even though i did enjoy dinner last night by candle light. I have a ‘to do’ list the size of a floozies frilly knicker drawer, i’m moving, i have LA drama  and i’m organizing EVERYTHING at home with Ruby and Pete!

At time you get loss in in all the madness. Yet this morning during my drive to work, i realized that i’m the key to everyone being able to make money? Hence why everyone’s flustering around me and making commit to their time. The good thing is that the fairytale ends quite greatly for me. However, the stress that comes with the success is too much.

I’m spending more and more time with my baby Ruby and simply because right now she’s the only thing that doesn’t want anything from me for her own personal gain, other than cuddles. I like that. We are closer than ever and one day, when all the work is done and all the pennies have been made, i’ll beable to slip out of my Updo and stillettos and be with her 24/7. Pete’s getting better and my family, (mum, dad and brother) are being nothing but a pillar of support. I’m lucky. I know that. I’m happy and i’m grateful. Yet I’m just looking for more balance.

Right now, i have wine…therefore the world is quite surely a better place. I’m really happy with where i am in life. I just need to pull the cotton wool brillo stress, out of my head and take it all with a pinch of glitter. Life really isn’t to be taken too seriously. Neither are people. (I always find people who take themselves too seriously rather tragical.)

It’ sall about fun, love and laughter and doing things YOUR WAY. The way you always wanted. I feel confident, bold and giddy and i’m refusing to let drama pile on me like a disaster. *Pings thong, gives you a wink.*

Ruby is in fits of laughter right now, so I must leave before Pete ends up being favourite parent.  He’s doing weird crap dancing and it’s proving to be impressive. I’m good at a bit of a boogie and well my ‘handsome’ although half black.. is crap, unless he’s practiced behind my back. Lol. I don’t want him to bamboozle my daughter, by making her think his way is the good way. Oh wait? Now he’s looking at me and pelvic thrusting with a pervy tongue? I’m not letting his Jackson 5, afro goolies come near me. I’m far too terrified that he’ll pull down his pants and his balls will blast out with a  melodic ‘Oooh baby, give me one more chaaaannnce.’ *Looks bimbo scared.*

Finally managed to Facebook banter with little George ampson again. Great guy! It’s been ages since we’ve managed to acknowledge each other. Life often gets the better of everyone. Yet nothing is better than memories and making them.

Keep it sexy!