The Jolly Old ‘Labour’ of Life


Right!! The morning of Feb 23rd arrives. I still have my curtain drawn around my hospital bed, but i’m listenning and peeking through a little gap in them from my bed at the rest of the ladies on Ward 10. Infact, one girl could see me peeking, but lived her life anyway. 🙂 I had been given pain killers through the night. My tummy ache had become more frequent and at this stage ‘moaned’ at a very ouchie period pain like agony. The staff was wonderful to Me. I refused to eat anything but cornflakes. I couldn’t move my body too well. My phone was bleeping at me off the hook. I swear it was a million messages a minute.

I was waiting for Pete…who had failed to show up at 8am. This obviously upset me and made my blood pressure rise out of fear of doing this whole shindig alone. However, he was existing in a nervous stage of ‘all over the place.’ In bits and pieces he was. He eventually turned up, 20 minutes later. I was sooo relieved. Relieved enough to undraw my curtains and be a bit more chatty with the other women on Ward 10..(who adored me 🙂 ) I remember one telling me i wa s ‘posh‘ because I was wearing pyjamas? Lol. My mum eventually arrived also. Followed by Andrea from the BBC, a lovely bundle of excited midwives and Dan the camera man. I finally felt like I could breathe. Then i oddly watched a couple of the preggos on my ward, nip downstairs for a ciggie. Bizarre much? I loved them. Even though they were a bit chavtastic.

It was all very boring and very merry at this point. Pains. Big pains. Had another ‘sweep and stretch.’ Then was told that even though i was in baby sized agony, i hadn’t yet dilated..but my baby’s head was very low and engaged. Anyway, we drank lucozade, ate Fruit Gums, picked at grapes, had a bit of banter with the other ladies, charmed the midwives with a politeness that they’re not used to and waited…calmly, not knowing what was actually happening? My contractions began to hurt and i mean really really hurt. (I will say that I was weirdly coping well. Which means pretending, I was okay.)

Things went fast. OUT OF NOWHERE, my tummy pains began to feel like the most awfully hidieous aches of terror, that, my entire body trembled, broke down and i whirled into a haze of my OWN awful agony! It was probably the most pain I had ever been in. I can’t even describe it and it was only the very beginning. The midwife handed me painkillers..ones that didn’t seem to work. I grumbled at my mum and Loverboy with eyes of desperation. I couldn’t even have the baby monitor strapped to me anymore. I was screaming and rolling around on my bed in utter utter agony. It was the worst feeling ever. A constant pain, where you feel like dying could be a bit better than living the pain, that you could not run away from because it was TRAPPED inside your body. It didnt get fun. I was given gas & air. I have NO IDEA what was happening from this point on.


I don’t know how much time passed? I don’t know who was around me? I have no idea what was begin filmed? I have no recollection of the people around me? All i heard were noises from the Ward. Faces keptï»żï»ż hazing infront of me, that seemed to be asking me if I was okay? The staff at Pontefract were being very very lovely to Me…but I was gone..completely lost in my own agony. My gas and air wasn’t working. I was crying, screaming, still rolling around my bed uncontrollably to the point where after 4 hours from the last ‘sweep & stretch’ I was wheeled to a private room away from the cameras and other people for another.

In 4 hours you’re meant to be 2cm’s more dilated. The midwife, who was lovely, but firm and laughing at the fact that in my moments of agony, I would crack a sarcastic comment of ‘funny funny,’ had a bit of a look…and instead of going from 0cm -2cm…in 4 hours. I had gone from 0cm to 7cm. (You only need to be 10cm to have your baby.) All of a sudden, there was a thunderous panic from everyone in the Ward…and i was plonked in a wheelchair without my gas and air. Then wheeled across the corridor to what i was told was ‘THE LABOUR WARD.’ I think I was screaming and having an awfully painful natural birth. How dare I? The funny thing was that my wheelchair had higgledy-piggledy wheels on it…haha…i can’t help but laugh. I was utter pain. In utter labour and being wobbled into doors and walls accidentally in a wheelchair whilst laughing between tears! Everything turned up a notch. The pain I was going through stole my memories. It hurt that MUCH!!!

Don’t know what happened, but I found myself begging another lovely midwife for an epidural and her granting it for me, due to my state of pain. I was with Pete and My mum and sat on the side of a bed, having a Doctor stabbing my back with a giant epidural needle. Everything that could go wrong did. IT HURT!!!

My epidural took 3 very painful attempts to get right. Another Doctor had to come and have a go. I think the cameras terrified everyone. Or my presence? They always say thatwhen you’re in labour there’s always ONE point, where you look up, see a face an think that you really cannot take any more. I wanted to pass out. The pain was sooo unbearable and i had been on every type of pain relief going. Every memeber of staff was helping the Wunna Team and well hours of this pain had passed…until I finally *deep breathe* got my epidural. THANK GOD!!! It completely kicked in and like the calmest kitten in ALL OF THE LAND…the madness came to an immediate halt and i could breathe. I COULD ACTUALLY ENJOY…labour. The fine art of having a baby. (I felt bad for the doctor doing my epidural. He felt all worried because he couldn’t seem to get my needle right in all the panic. Everyone was panicked.)

Okay, long story short…you get the pain thing. But like I said from this point onward, anything that could go wrong…well DID. My blood pressure was too high. Then it was too low. I got very poorly, very fast and we were running out of time. Remember my baby had to be born within 24- 48 hrs of my waters breaking in order for it to survive. (The whole entire time I was being filmed. The midwives kept shoo-ing the BBC out due to major problem labour complications.) They wouldn’t tell me what was going on. Yet i noticed a lot of ‘eyetalk’ and panic around me. I also noticed a lot of people running off to get other people, who they thought could help. I think I was losing a lot of blood? I also had about 5 different tubes coming out of my left hand leading to a drip. Infact, I also remember a Doctor rushing in and trying to take my blood. Yet placed the needle in the wrong place…where there was no blood. Haha. I have the bruise to prove it. I remember telling the labour room…which wasï»żï»ż now my audience that it was typically ‘just my luck.’

Anyway, time flew by. I was no longer in pain…(no longer in ANY physical pain.) But i knew that everyone around me was NOT OKAY. No-one was telling me anything? I had my Mum and Pete by my bedside. Pete looked worried and my Mum was praying in Burmese. Lol. (When the help of Buddha is being summoned, you know you’re in trouble.) Lots of medical staff where now in my labour room and then a lady doctor ventured in, with a small sized doctor. The lady doctor had a rummage in my vagina to feel the baby, who had weirdly not dilated any further??


I was sewn up…blood was apparently everywhere. It looked like i had been butchered. I lost a lot of blood, became  quite poorly and had to stay in hospital for the next two days to recover and get me back to a stage where i could mend. I apparently had inappropriate blood clots in inappropriate places..which is life threatening. When i stayed in hospital i had to wee into a bag that was tubed into my bladder and I pooed myself repeatedly. 🙂 Like a puppy, i had an incontinence pad laid on my bed, incase i ‘oopsied.’ I had a drip attached to me at all times. Blood tests done every few hours and my entire body felt ‘OUCHIE.’

However the point is, i’m fine now. I’m home now. Pete and I are doing sooo well. We have our baby Ruby…alive, healthy and well, weighing 6lbs 13. We’re in love and I don’t think life could be any better.


Above: Photos hours after the birth, at around 7am…when we first woke up. Pete slept in a recliner next to my hospital bed. It was freezing.


Let me formally introduce you to our little miracle. ‘Ruby Isabella Wattis.’ Life is amazing.

Back In Time to My Waters of ‘Break’ Fest


Okay, i’m on the mend and finally ready to re-blog. Yeah…partsï»żï»żï»żï»żï»ż of my anatomy are rather sore. (I need a nun to come sing calm folk songs to my privates, right now, in order to aid healing.) However life in about a week, will be pretty much back to normal. (Well my the lower part of me anyhow. 🙂 ) The top half of me is urged with a human dynamacy. Yet from the waist down, I have the moves of a 92 year old granny, with crotch stitches.

Update: Love, Life & Miracles

Hi Everyone! It’s 12.07 am Feb 27th 2011.

Incase you didn’t know….at exactly 1.04am, on Thursday 24th Feb, at the Pontefract General Infirmary. I gave birth to a little girl. My first EVER little girl (*fills up with tears*) and it has been the most magically wonderful TIME in my ENTIRE life. No words can currently describe how I feel. For the first time ever, i’m overcome and overwhelmed by the most delicate mist of deep deep rooted, and heartfelt emotion.The sincerity of my current kitty cat state is…..well is….magical. It’s pretty much everything I ever wished to feel in life and everything that ever mattered to me. I can’t believe how lucky I am to be this blessed. I’m looking around Me, and I see the love of my entire existance, then to my right in the frilliest of rocking Moses baskets, my daughter. The ‘life’ that WE created together out of our love for each other. We’ve begun our own legacy and this is the very very beginning. (Photo above: Moment she had been born.)

I feel whole heartedly complete. I now have everything I ever wanted and this new and very current chapter of my life, was sort of *U-turned* upon me and amazingly worked out (in true Chrissie Wunna style) to be the most marvellous glittery pool of deliciousness. One that can level MY LIFE  ‘up there’ with the Fairytales. This is how i feel and from this point on life can only rocket forward. I’m inspired by my own tale and I weirdly never thought I could or would be.

Anyway, I’ve only just returned home from hospital (as of yesterday late afternoon) due to a rather complicated labour and delivery. I will tell you ALL about in the one of the upcoming blogs, which will tell you the WHOLE story. Nothing ever goes quite to plan in Wunna Land and well there were moments of extreme shock, comedy and heart breaking trauma. It was a haze of craziness. A birth giving ‘circus’ of madness, filled with Ups, downs, terror, joy and anxiety. It felt like I had pulled the whole entire hospital into the ‘crazy’ of it all. We had every midwife, doctor, life..any ‘being’ who could feel love (and ofcourse camera was filmed by both the BBC & Pete & I) fighting for us.

However, I will tell you that even though it was traumatic…like everything in my life, at the very last minute and with an actual loss of various heartbeats, rinsed in tears of panic,joy and inner strength. Pete, I and our little baby daughter MADE IT through the storm, with the help from all the medical team at Pontefract (THANKYOU sooo much. I couldn’t have asked for a better team of professionals) and with smiles of our faces, a wee bit of ‘Daddy’ fainting, Mothers in the labour room praying and that Chrissie Wunna Heart that no-one can ever disable. (Infact, in the toughest moments and i WILL tell you all about it in my further blogs… i managed to be quite comedy. I went through every emotion physically possible!)

I’ve been home one day since the big hoopla and i’m currently recovering. I’m definitely on the mend and feeling over the moon. I’m LOVING being a first time MUM and i’m treasuring every single second of it.

Pete and I have been reading ALL of your messages. Thankyou so much for them all. We’ve been sent thousands of lovely emails, texts, Tweets, Facebook love and phonecalls from all our love ones, close friends and fans around the world. We appreciate them very very much! (Oh and i got told that I recieved a prezzie from Xercise4less today, that i haven’t yet seen, so i can’t wait to see what that is! Thankyou sooo much guys!! Really miss you all!)

I will be replying to you all, as soon as i’m much better. But i’m leaving you this little update to thankyou all for everything..whilst I recover. I love you. We’re both highly overwhelmed and well we thought we’d leave you with a little piccy from our tiny new edition to our life…

Here’s Baby ‘Ruby Isabella Wattis’  Our first ever bambino and our big step into a very new chapter. Born at 1.04am, Feb 24th, 2011. This little bundle of love is our EVERYTHING. (Don’t worry I have lots of video and photos to share with you. But for right now, this is Baby ‘Ruby,‘ (named after my favourite precious gem Pete) on her first day in the big wide world, on the day she left the hospital..weighing 6lb 13.

Having a baby…like shortly.

Yesterday morning, I  was getting my vaginal entrance ‘swept & stretched’ by a middle aged midwife, with fingers that had just enjoyed a bit of melon. Quite a decent way to get ‘felt up’ really.

This morning…I wake up, totter to the bathroom. Commit to my usual Pink Grapefruit facial scrub and merrily saunter out to the full length mirror in the hallway to begin my morning bronzing session, in my pyjamas. I got as far as sitting down infront of the mirror and unzipping my harajuku makeup bag and then it fiiiinnnaaaallly happened. MY WATER

Our London ITV Adventure ‘OMG Peaches’

Okay. February the 19th. My due date. I’m in the bathroom, tragically primping away, like any other Glamour puss, misted over with ‘Diva-Diva’ would be. I was having a very preggo day and actually feeling more mentally worried, than anything else, due to the fact that I didn’t know If i was going to be sprouting ‘life’ from my privates and at any given moment. Due dates are  always terrifying. Be they for bills, court orders, weddings or ‘life.’ I tried to be in denial for as long as possible, purely out of fear, pretty much expecting another calm, boring day of trundling around with a bump and the grey ‘waiting room’ of life. KILL ME NOW!

Then [phone rings] ITV2 come to my rescue to quench my desperate thirst for adventure, with the voice of Nina, asking if i ‘would like to come down to the studio to film my interview with Peaches….today???’ Obviously, at first i’m all terrified, with me being exactly 9 months pregnant and feeling quite sorry for my pretty self. Infact, I was bizarrely ‘No, No No-ing’ galore…until i was convinced to have a little think about it for an hour, before calling back. I was an utter sorry mess of fear. Like a puddle, with no ‘splash.’ A Warrior..with no balls. A hand without a heart. Which is what I would pretty much label as pathetic…but still delicious. (Ofcourse.)

The best way to describe it is that I was as far away from being ME, or even feeling like ME… as possible. I’ve recently been slumped in a rut of unglamourous ‘do it my way’ fear, that I’d gotten used to such tragic behaviour and filled it under ‘normal.’ I’m nothing like that. I’m a go-getter, dipped in a *wiggle* of danger. I play with fire…and get away with it, due to a *wink.* I’m a ballsy bit of dynamic nonsense. Yet there I was, all still…all scared and all ‘ i just can’t do it.’ (In leopard print pyjamas and diamond chandelier earrings. 🙂 ) Whats up Pussy cat!

Talked to Loverboy about it all. He immediately barked at me with a ‘NO! OMG! NO!!’ The idea of me travelling down there at the last minute, on my due date freaked him about because he’s a boy that needs to know what he’s doing weeks in advance…*Yawn.* I listened to him be all ‘blah,’ mildy authoritative and willing to miss out on an advnture out of laziness and fear of actually throwing skin to the wind and going for it. Realized, I was nothing like him. Realized, I hated the fact that I was not committing to the art of being Chrissie Wunna. Heard his whiney spiel of ‘i’m too lazy and scared to take a chance’ and after he 100% put his foot down and attempted to ‘Master’ his opinion on me. I called my Mother. (Who is my personal Doctors approval.)  Got the ‘Green light’..with a ‘Go for it’, therefore picked up a *sizzle* of ‘fire’ and began to play with it, fearlessly. *Wink-Pout-Hair toss.*

Walked back into the living room. Told him I was going. Packed a bag and within 15 minutes..BOTH of us were placed in a car from Pontefract to ITV in London. ITV had actually PAID for a car to take us all the way from our doorstep in Pontefract, to the ITV studios in London…when I told them that I didn’t fancy going on the train incase I went into labour. The way I saw it was…Yeah it’s my due date. But what if my bambino doesn’t obey the laws of ‘your baby will arrive on this day of estimation.’ I could’ve played it safe. Or taken the chance. I took the chance, because that’s always been the difference between Me and every other person. I not a kitty cat, who’ll sit at home dreaming, without DOING. We went to London and THANK GOD too! My bambino never did *pop* out on February 19th. Infact, she’s still not out…meaning firstly I was RIGHT [applaud here] and I now have the best of BOTH worlds. The interview with Peaches (which i wanted to do…I mean come on, I’m an attention whore and have a book to promote shortly. Plus, I needed a bit of excitement.) AND now that i’m all home, comfy and safe…i am able to chill before my baby (who’s obviously being fashionably late) arrives with a cushiony soft peace. I’m a jammy little swine. 😉

The funny thing was that the car that arrived to pick Pete and I up, was a taxi and when we got into his car and told him to take us to ITV in London he nearly fainted with ‘OMG, what?? I haven’t been to London in Years!!! He didn’t even know that he wasn’t being sent there! However then he heard what his fee for the journey was and miraculously turned extremely chipper and fast. He was the best driver EVER! Like moi…his sense of ‘adventure’  got the better of him.

4 hours later we arrive at the London studios, after getting tragically lost for an hour in city centre rush hour. We’re handled in, as people grabbed our bags, paid the driver and made sure we were all in one piece. Then placed in a large, white, mirrored dressing room, where I flung on a purple, sequinned dress and Pete had a shave at the same time as stealing soap. We went to the loo and before you know it 3 minutes later, I was escorted into Hair and makeup, before being placed in the Green Room.

I lost Pete during the rush of it all.  It was ALL GO!! The show began at 8pm and it was already 7.46pm. Infact, ‘hair & makeup ‘ was soooo packed (Dom Jolly was in there having his face ‘oranged’ up) that I got sent to rest in the Green room, that was filled with a bundle of people, some of them dressed as giant furry animals, others part of the crew. I had a bit of a banter with the Producers, team and the Chrissie Wunna ‘Baby Bump’ appreciation society. Peaches was outside reading her lines. The ITV2 where nothing but LOVELY to ME! I mean, they had called all the nearby hospitals to make sure I had the ‘all clear’ incase I needed to ‘have a child.’ I had a Doctor on standby. Lots of water, food and everything a preggo could need provided for me. (All i needed was bronzer and a ‘close up.’ LOL) I was having a very wonderful time, then not only did I ask for Pete to be fetched to me, because I seemed to have lost him. Yet I found out that HE was already in hair and makeup. Lol. Before ME!!!!! I love it.

After then being greeted by Thompy (Producer..he also did ‘Paris Hilton’s BBF’ that I was on. In his excitement he called ‘Jakey’ another Producer, to surprise him with the gift of my voice. I was Jake’s Favoruite BBF) and then i looked to my right. A crowd of hair human, hair in furry animal outfit people parted and who did I see perched on the arm of the sofa. EMMA BEARD! (BBf ‘Emma’ who was on the Hilton show with me. I hadn’t seen her since and well we didn’t actually get on too well towards the end of the whole BBF thing. LOL. Luckily, that evening we were fantasic. I actually missed her and we had a lovely little talk about life and my bambino. I loved it. It’s always good having a familiar face next to you.

The ‘Sweep & Stretch’

The ‘

They’re Not Your Pubes

Loverboy: ‘Why are you walking around with a massive tuft of hair coming out of your knickers??’

Chrissie: ‘They’re my pubes.’

Loverboy: ‘They’re not your pubes. Pubes don’t grow that fast… i’ve broken my X-box!’

Chrissie: ‘What!!! Just because they don’t look like a pimps living room carpet like yours, doesn’t mean their not my pubes. I don’t have afro pubes. Mine are like this [points at crotch-lays back on sofa, like a comedy 80’s porn star.]

There’s a *pause* where he looks at me like i’m an idiot. 🙂 Then the scene ends with belly laughter! HAHAHAHA.

I don’t even know what’s up with me? But i’m having the best day ever! I’ve got to the point where I truely think it’s absolutely hilarious, to wind hair out of my hair brush (I have a weave…there’s a lot of it,) bunch it up and then place it in my knickers, with a hidieous ‘tuft’ of it creeping out of the top of my pyjama bottoms and pretend it’s my pubes??? That’s how idiotic I’ve become. I’m actually back to being Me and i’m worried.

Not only did i place pretend pubes on my crotch. But i strutted around the place, as proud as a peacock, pretending i didn’t even know they were there? What the fuck is wrong with me?? I find this funny! I find making pretend pubes and parading them around on my crotch,  like I have a giant hairy bush…funny. I’m about to be a MOTHER!!!! Why have I’ve reverted back to my old idiotic ways, at the very last minute, for a cheap laugh and AFTER doing the entire 9 months like a fucking nun-fest? This is why you shouldn’t give up drinking. You find other things to do…and it ends with you laid back on a sofa, like a comedy 80’s porn star.

I’ve pretended my waters had broken, after a wee smelling granny was getting laughed at, by chicken and i’ve made pubes, before walking around with them tufted out of my knickers like a Mexican donkey, for everyone to ‘accidentally on purpose’ see. Like i said, Pete’s really sensitive, so it takes him a few moments to find the ‘funny‘ in my pokery. 🙂 Yet he eventually found his little bit of funny bone, after throwing a bit of a bratty paddy at the ‘thought it was broken’ X-Box. (Haha..he properly committed to an ‘arms folded-tantrum- storm off’ until he accidentally ran in ME…who was tottering around with a GIANT pretend bush growing out my knickers. I’m great company and obviously very glamourous.)

Now, i think about it. I can’t believe i just did that…9 months pregnant. I’m hardly being Mother Mary now am I. UGH! I’m already fucking it all up. But whatever, i’ve been through a loooong year of being a fatty. I need to relax a little and celebrate my natural idiocracy…with pubes.

My mums on her way for coffee…so this will have to be quick. Be the person you always wanted to be. Dare to dream. Remember to be a dreamer who ‘does’…otherwise it makes all your dreaming quite pointless and do it in heels..and a baby bump…if you have one. *Wink*

Love you.

Breaking waters

I enjoy pretending that my waters have broken by the warm chicken counter at Morrisons, in Pontefract. I’d usually commit to such Tom Foolery simply for attention. However, that was ‘Wunna 2006’ doll. Now i’ve grown up a little and therefore figured i’d only pull delicious stunts of inappropriate humour, in order to frighten people. Woohoo! In this case Loverboy was my vicitm. (Oh & chicken.)

The reason why ( and all this is gonna sound awful) is because there was a granny in the line infront of me, at the lovely looking warm chicken porn counter, at Morrisons.

My Angelic Massage

Yes, I am that tragic that I went and got my ENTIRE body blessed by angels today, in order to relax my darling kitty cat self, for the GRAND ENTRANCE of my upcoming bambino…who is due in a pretty 2 days! (Yeah, yeah baby!) If you bothered to read my last blog (Thankyou if you did) then you’ll know that I was feeling like a solid ‘4.’ (The guys I know in LA, used to label girls a number out of 10, based upon looks. It’s bizarre how i found this quite a normal thing to do, in my 20’s. Now i believe it’s quite bad form…unless ofcourse it’s dipped in inappropriate humour.)

Anyway yeah, at 2.30pm i ventured down to visit the beautiful lady ‘Karen‘ who is in charge of massaging my tired little body, whenever i’m in need of a bit of TLC. We all know I adore a lovely oily rub down and well due to Loverboy being lucky enough to be my ‘other half,’ he also gets roped into them, at least once a month! He never complains. Why would he? It’s divine! However, i didn’t let him go today and simply because ALL Glamour Pusses need girl time. ALONE.

Baby Blues & Bran Flakes

Just woke up and ‘Wowzers’ do I feel like i’ve been pulled through a bush backwards. I feel like everyone’s taken a yummy little piece of me, chewed on it and tried to *gum* it back onto me. Yet poorly and in the entire wrong place. Bottom line, i feel like shite. (Hurrah!) My head is banging, my whole entire body is exhausted, my eyes are sore, my face is swelly ( I really despise the face swelly thing) and here I am. Half empty. Half stressed. Yet FULLY and completely pregnant. Yipppeee! If i’m being honest, I am happy underneath 20 loads of tan, weave and hormones. 🙂 However, i’m a Glamour Puss. A preggo-hontas, might I add. When we’re sober and it’s morning we’re allowed to be a little grumbly. I have nothing to tend to today…which pretty much gives me time to be miserable and 9 months pregnant. (Due date Feb 19th. Really tired of pregnancy now. I’m starting to feel like this object, that was once HOT, who’s birthing the Lord’s child. I need an imaginary rum.)

My parents and brother have just arrived back from their holidays in Burma. We’ve ‘7 in the morning’ texted. UGH! They’re safe, happy and on their way back to sunny old Badsworth. It’s Paris Hilton’s Birthday today. (A lady that I love.) Her lovely boyfriend gifted her with a bright yellow sports car for her 30th. The fact that I can’t actually remember what I was gifted with by my dear hottie, says it all. LOL. I think he tried to feel me up? Oh yeah..I got a gift certificate for clothes. Maybe I can drive that around Beverly Hills to Madonna tracks and sunglasses?

I’m having a cuppa tea, i’m refusing to dwell in my utter state of kitty cat misery. I’m about to groom. I’m booking a trip to the hair salon. I’m going in rubies. (My favourite ever gem. I’ve been picking them out with our family jeweller, ever since being 4 and after they’ve been personally mined for me *boast boast* in Burma. I love all that ‘hoopla.’) After i’ve been dolly groomed, i’m attempting to go get Reiki and be blessed by angels, in order to *ooze* my body into a deliciously calm, state of freedom. Getting blessed by angels, for half an hour is greatness on Thursdays. It’s sort of like and emotional massage to mood music.  But one where you’re not expected to ‘put out’ after dinner.

I can’t wait to get my book finished!!! I can’t wait to see it on the shelves!!!  I really do intend to break my sheer case of the blues today. Yet i don’t think it’ll be too hard, as I believe i’m just still in the process of waking up. I need a happy mind, in order for happy things to happen to Me. I seem to have decided to blame everyone else, for the non-early birth of my baby, because they were secretly willing her not to come out as of yet, for their deliciously, selfish reasons, that I cannot tell you about.  My actual due date is Feb 19th and the midwife claims, i’m right on schedule. Which i find bizarre since i’ve had a lack of midwifery care, during my entire pregnancy. Lovely!  (I asked my recent new midwife face, to tell me all about labour signs, in order to feel comforted. All she did was tell me she was going on holiday and hand me a piece of photocpoied paper, telling me i’ll get contractions. *Rolls eyes.*) The good thing about the BBC coming to Pontefract to film the birth of my bambino, is the fact that the people taking care of me, wouldn’t DARE be hidieous at their job, as it’s going to be prettily splashed upon everyone’s telly. Plus, i’m quite the candid little nuisance at times. Let alone when i have a human’s head peeking out of my vagina, deciding if  she’s gonna bother coming out? If i’m not getting appropriately looked after…everyone will hear it… and loudly. 🙂

They’re better be ‘WELL DONE WUNNA’ gifts for me at this whole birth thing. I’m going to be rather upset if not. Haha. I laugh. But i WILL be upset if not. 🙂 I feel like I am surrounded by panicky people, who are no help at all in my moments of ‘helllooooo having a baby…it kinda hurts!’ Pete’s been working until late. My whole family ventured off to Burma for the week. It’s just been ME and ME alone…when i’ve needed help the most. (I enjoy how i’ve just called my brother and he never picked up. LOL. I could be jumping into labour right now? Where’s my army? I’m off the fricking telly much!! ) ‘Oh it’s just Chrissie. Yeah she’s probably having a baby right now.