Trotted off to my morning spray tan. The shop actually opened up early for me, yet i’m not sure i needed them to, as i rolled out of bed an hour too late, glued a pair of giant eyelashes on and waddled to the Ultimate spray tan parlour, through a bus station, as 8o year old grandads glared at me for being ethnic. (Wait a second Pete’s kitten is clawing my black bra that i flung on the floor last night! For some reason it has feathers on it. God, i hate buying gifts for people that end up ruining MY LIFE!!!)
Anyhow, my little dollops of sexuality. I am feeling full on ‘swaggalicious’ today. There’s no stopping me. I’m a hip/hop handing, booty shaking, limp in my walk DIVA much! Not only have i merrily danced around my kitchen like a gangsta ‘you know it.’ But i have also forced my *bump* to enjoy the same experience. I’m trying to give her great taste in music. Apparently she can hear now, therefore i’m smoothing on the moves for her, so that she can use her diamond dripping champion-like swiggedy, to get whatever she wants in life. Like ‘Mama.’ Mmmkaaay!
Now, we all know i love a bit of the old Hip hop and quite fancy myself as a ‘hip/hop wife.‘ As in the wife of Pharell Williams…who struts around all powerfully,with a smile and a ‘wish you were me ‘sign. (TRAGICAL! I WILL get over myself, i promise. But i’m fat right now, due to preggoness.. so let me be cocky! Infact, ‘cocky‘ is what got me into this rather lovely, best time ever…mess. *Reaches for her JLAgain, i don’t now why i’m made this way. All brillaintly egotiscal and far too cool. 🙂 But just anything that promotes a fairytale bit of over the top extravagance, glamour, fabulousity, with a diamond encrusted, playful swagga. I simply ADORE!!! I’m loving every delicious moment of life right now.
Okay, i ventured back in from my level 3 spray tan. I’m overly impressed with how well it turned out. I judge it on my thong tan line and zero streakness. I get back home after having awesome conversation about operations and being tee-total, with the lady who had the terrifying joy of having to see me naked… in a paper thong and an illuminous pink shower cap….with overgrown eyelashes and a *bump* as my life weapons. Then scurried back through the bus station, that was now filled with even more old people, who don’t like coloured people. Then home to Loverboy…who took one look at me, thought i looked divine, wanted to gobble me up, but then got bizarrely jealous because i was ‘blacker’ than him? He was standing there doing ‘Mean girl’ jealous faces because he had turned a quick spritz of tan down, for extra moments in bed. ‘Ya snooze, ya lose bitch!’
When i know he’s jealous…i MILK it. I’m good like that. I being to foolishy show off and whore my goods off in a manner that would suggest playful immaturity. Then he went to work and i danced to thug-style music. Growling and everything…whilst making a cuppa tea! (Keeping it Yorkshire.) I’m apparently meant to be cleaning spag bol dishes…but fuck it. It’ll make my tan wash off. Fun is far more important right now and FOOD! I’m starving!!!
I have an easy day today. No work. ALL play! I’m gonna do a bit of clothes shopping for my shoot tomorrow. I’m gonna have a yummy dinner. Pete is refusing to take his shirt off for any pictures tomorrow. Hilarious! And well for once, i definitely WON’T be and simply because ‘Preggo mumma’ boobs are not only dirty, but hidieous. I look like a Zulu warrior. We’re doing a ‘happy family-but we got swiggedy’ type shoot.
Nothing much is happening right now until 12noon, other than cups of tea and starvation. I re-read my March 2010 blog out to Pete last, from our first date and pointed out how romantic he used to be. He blushed and told me he still felt that way, but is now too sober to open up. Hahaha. We’re a GREAT couple and i truely KNOW we have a potential ‘last forever,’ foundation. Unless i marry Pharell Williams or win the lottery. Then i’m only humping Greek go-go dancers in togas. I just need to learn to love stability (which i’m doing rather well at) and not to act impulsively when bored.
I’ve noticed that Pete has started to turn a little attention whorey. I’m telling you, i create monsters! Whenever i talk about ANYTHING. He attempts to make it all about him. Lol. Yestersday, i told him that i wanted a 4D scan DVD of our baby…that’s in MY BELLY. (And she has really started to kick now. It’s creepy to watch. I scream everytime. It feels like i have a meaty, fleshy, tough, but gooey wash board of ridges, lining the inside of my stomach and she is railing her fist along it. *Throws up…smiles.*) Anyway yeah…Pete, the attention whore of the year, wants the 4D scanner lady to look inside HIS belly. Just so HE can see what his ‘insides’ look like. As IF!!! I HAVE A HUMAN IN MY BELLY GODDAMITT! It’s all about ME!
Oh and HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE BITCHES!!! (Someone found my site today by searching ‘back bend fucking.’ LMAO)
Had a GREAT day at work. You know when you’re pretending you’re really busy and have a diamante bracelett on. But you really aren’t doing too much to save the jolly old world, except for looking quite the kitten of desire. (I really need to pull myself together. This being ‘preggo’ malarky is making me look like a lazy, pie-eating scrub-fest. I’m excited for my early morning spray tan tomorrow. It’ll make me feel delicious again and fool me into believing that i don’t have a gigantic belly attached to my front. Lol. I am excited ofcourse for the ‘treasure’ that’s about to squidge it’s merry way out of my vagina, in approximately 2 months time. Yet, i’m not going to lie. I truely need to learn to embrace the *bumpage.* When you’re 7 and a half months ‘oven bunned’ you really begin to think that you’ll always just have a *bump* and you forget that you will actually have a baby, instead of it. Is that just me? Great! Right! Okay! 🙂
Anyway, last night…when i talked to that posh, old, random lady. The one that i adored. Well she told me that i needed to learn to be constructively selfish. I thought her bit of knowledge was quite decent. So like herpes..i’m gonna pass it on to the masses.
For those of you who don’t know me too personally. I’m quite a giving girl. Generous in my ways and all that shimmie. However, in the past i’ve tangoed such a manner, so heavily that it has been quite damaging to myself in many ways. (And we don’t like that now do we.) If you’ve been my boyfriend, and i do mean ANY of the hundreds that i’ve arm candied. You’ll know that i’ve been quite giving with my time, my heart and well unfortunately my finances. Which sucks hairy balls! Now, it hasn’t been in a Kerry Katona way. (Who i adore by the way.) I gave simply because i didn’t like to see others go without. Or i wanted someone (usually a loser boy) to love me at the time. (Affection can never be bought.) I also have a weird need to BE EXTREMELY impressive. (I like having people giving me the ‘Wow she’s amazing’ hoo-haa.) I enjoy the POWER (sick i know) that comes with being able to GIVE or be the GIVER…and i also often throw a pity party for others, who are really less fortunate. (I get it from my Mother. The most generous human being on the planet.
Now, i’m not just talking money. I am also talking time. Like i often will put something that i have to do, that’s somewhat important, (I’m busier than ANYONE thinks) in order to let someone talk to me, or pour out their emotional hurt, or simply hang out with me, because they truely want to. When you’re giving up too much work time to others. No matter how kind you are being. You are letting yourself get behind. I want to one day be even more ‘tremendous,’ than i am already. 🙂 I have undying ambition and nothing will get in the way of that these days. Boys used to in LA! Infact, they did in most cities. Woohoo! Yet in order to benefit and make YOUR dreams come true. You kinda have to put YOU first and be constructively selfish!
Luckily, i learnt this mehtod of greatness, exactly this time las year. I packed up my bags, left the people behind who we’re a hinderance and simply too much baggage for the making of Chrissie Wunna. Cute a few ties, downed a cocktail and then after a heavy *shake off,* began my new journey….out of selfishness, yet out of the love i had for myself. I have never been happier, more successful or more FREE!
I’m currently sorting out my maternity work hours, how we’re going to get into a safe. (We put our winning lottery tickets in one, but now can’t get into it, because we don’t have the key. I’m staring at a boy named ‘Ryan’ literally turn it upside down and shake it vigoriously, this absolute second, in order to make it open. 🙂 )
I have the next 3 days off work! Yippee! But Loverboy and I have that photoshoot in two days time. I’m actually really excited about it because i haven’t been able to shoot in ages. I want to drip with glamourousity, like pearled juiced icing, off the most silver stick of ‘ooh laa.’ I LOVE my days off completely. Who doesn’t. But ofcourse and because i’m in a diseased environment. I think i’m getting the flu. I’m beginning to feel rather ‘off’ button. I have a cough that would suggest a germy infection. I’m getting a bit dizzy and my body is about to shut down. Hurrah!
It actually might just be because i KNOW i have three days off for the New Year. I’m always ill on the first day of the ‘days off’ stream and simply because i finally let my body utterly chillax. It switches off autopilot and is set completely free. I’m a secret workaholic. One that likes to be brilliant at everything. Yet i cleverly disguise it under a thick delicious, marshmellow coating of ‘careless-bimboed- floozy. ‘ (Ross is currently telling me that he’s never going to get married and that he’s apparently going to party until he’s 60….then get put in a home, where he can get looked after.) He’s only 22. By 25, he’ll realize that he’ll need his dinner made, shirts ironed and can’t be arsed to have to go on an actual HUNT for sex. Then he’ll want a wife. It happens to the best of us! 😉 )
Feeling great today! A bit excited really, to say i have a full day of work ahead of me. Must be the ‘no milk’ in my coffee thing that i’m having to do, due to inappropriate service…which for once hasn’t ended with a ‘happy ending.’ Okay, we didn’t actually WIN the jackpot, but we did actually WIN money. Therefore even though we can’t frolock with our new millions on yachts in France, we can still be happy with the moola that we DID WIN (woohoo) and put it on the Euromillions rollover for Friday! 🙂 Terrible aren’t we! (I think i’m getting a really germy cough! AND there’s a bald guy racing around me telling me off for having too much coffee….because it’s ‘bad for me.’ He’s also pointing at my friends ‘without milk’ cereal and claiming that that’s unheathly also. All this pointing and moaning would be alright, if he wasn’t addicted to M-Cap. Lol. Maybe he needs to take a looky at the giant health pie chart and really re-evaluate what most regard as ‘yummy goodness.‘ HAHA. I love how he goes around pointing at good clean, non druggy foods and giving everyone a lecture on how bad it is for our system. Maybe he’s just against us consuming legal substances! (‘If it’s not on the Class A list it’s rubbish!’) Love it!! I once had a roomate like that. A proper musclebound health freak. Yet never ate food, because it was evil and only ate…crystal meth. 🙂
Anyway, other than all that, i’m loving my friends today. I’ve managed to book a spray tan. I accidentally booked Loverboy one, and just this second called him to ask him if ‘a 9.15am slot was alright?‘ He thought my call, was his actual alarm and *shocked* himself up in a panic, whilst rummaging through sheets for his phone. I can’t think of anything worse than having to be woken up in terror, during a deep much needed sleep and hearing my nasal voice on the other end, at Volume 10, asking if a 9.15am spray tan would work. 🙂 He sort of calmly, but nicely shunned the idea and simply because…he’s half BLACK. 🙂
Yesterday, i must have eaten something dodgy because i have the runs. I’m in a weird little predicament really, where i can tell if my belly hurts because my baby inside it, is somersaulting around, or if i just need a poo. I’ve never had the bambino kick as much as she has today…and all of last night. Then i noticed that after i Tweeted that i had the runs. A yucky ‘being’ told me i had ‘no life’ and thought he was all brave and funny. Well yeah, you are behind a computer screen doll face. If you were infront of me my ‘Va voom’ alone could whoop ur booty. Bottom line, i can tweet whatever i want, whenever i want. Plus, i’d never tweet that to someone i didn’t actually know..surely that’s a tweet that you save for your closest friends. Here I am juggling future Motherhood, a showbizzy career, a company, my love life and my normal day job, whilst finishing my book, and writing my blog. I’m like some kind of kitty genius..AND i’m doing it all with a *wink.* I’m keeping everything a float and making my world happen, then a moody ‘yawn fest’ from Twittersville, tells me that i simply have ‘no life’ because with all of the above, i have the runs! Haha. Life is Greatness! I did see the funny side to it all, because i’m not an utter dick of headary. Yet no that more people should spread playful happiness then a passed parcel of ‘hate.’ I’m all for speaking ya mind. But say things passionately and not just for a bit of ‘Look at me.’
What i will remind you all of, is the fact that no matter what anyone says YOU ALL have a life. A GREAT One of deliciousness. Infact, it truely is ALL we have that is just ours. I believe in fate…yes. However, know that you can meander your meaty chunk of ‘100 years’ whichever way you want it…regardless as to whatever ever the party poopers say. Also remember that it’s always the people doing shitter than you in their life that comment on YOUR life negatively, for no real reason. ‘When people hate you for no reason. You KNOW you are the best!’
Luckily, i got saved by a Tweet of marvel, from a ‘Deeva’ much friend of mine, who i adore mucho much. They reminded me of my priorities and told me that when a Glamour Puss reaches the pretty stage of boredom, the best thing to do is begin stalking ‘One Direction.’ I do miss my ‘stalky’ days of utter hilarity…in glitter and UV rooms. I actually love ‘One Direction,’ and simply because not only is one from my hometown of Doncaster and they’ve had a dream come true. But they’re also like boozy minatures. Like those tiny bottles of gin, vodka and whisky you can get at petrol stations for just over a quid. Obviously, those little ‘handsomes’ are worth a tad million pounds more. However, they’ll always be my little minatures. Now, i’m older, i don’t even enjoy stalking anymore. What has become of me!! UGH!!!
Oh and quickly, oddly i’ve been recieving a jolly few messages about my hatred for pork pies. Now i like pork and i thoroughly enjoy pies. I even adore the combination of the two. HOWEVER, what i don’t like about a pork pie, making me despise them, is the fact that the pork, NEVER fits the PIE! It doesn’t work and like my fear of sausage dogs…i simply need to stay away from them. I don’t like a loose fit. I like accurate measurements of all of life’s goodies.
If i one day marry Loveboy. (Yes we are having our baby in sin.) I will have inherited a younger sister in law, who once poured bubble mixture, all over the smooth kitchen counter, removed all of her clothing and was later found swimming in it..well on it…well…I LOVE IT!!! HAHAHA. I will say that this was actually when she was younger and she was actually also found climbing onto of a work surface and caught drinking cups of fish bowl water, out of the fish bowl. I swear, it’s the act of pure loopy genius! Perfect family for a Wunna to nestle in. It can’t GET better than that!
Pete and I have our first ever photoshoot with each other at the weekend. I’m excited. He’s nervous, yet secretly loves it. I found myself having a 40 minute long conversation with an old posh lady last night, who wanted to help me with my pregnancy, by passing on her knowledge. I don’t know her at all. But i loved her. I feel greatly comforted around older posh women. I don’t know why? I just feel warm around them and filled with a cuddle of life knowledge. It embraces me. Infact, she told me that she also used to be a ‘teeth and boobs’ model. I adore how non-judgemental old posh women are. All open, warm and wise. People are under the misconeption that they’ll commit to utter snobbery. Yet each one i’ve randomly found myself talking to has nodded at me with approval. I love talking to strangers. Luckily none of them have waltzed me to a cellar.
Just got home and was feeling rather stressed, after quite a lovely, calm morning. I was being nagged by a boy who wanted me to give him one of my phones and i despise ‘naggers.‘ They never win with Chrissie Wunna. I’ll absorb their naggerooing and then quite merrily just say ‘No.’ Infact, my not giving in, annoyed him so much, that he began smoking again, after quitting for Xmas! Woohoo! He wanted a phone and he’s unfortunately had to leave the mental battle, with NO PHONE (lol) and an addiction. It’s how i roll…and all that jazz. Luckily, coming home, then hating on pork pies and men who park their car too close to my car door deliberately whilst i’m preggo, meaning that i am unable to *squeeze* out between the inappropriate for my size gappage..has made me feel better. Well that’s a lie. I’ve always hated pork pies and rude men. Talking to everyone on Twitter and replying to my Tweets, after a long work day is actually what made me perk up a little. I’m no longer stressed. I’ve shaken it off, with a Tweet and a wink. When i feel like i’m free and inspiring others. It mends everything. It’s not the nagging that annoys me. It’s the feeling trapped by it, that winds me up. (I think i’ll make an Oolong tea…before i write the rest.) I tweeted whilst being on the loo today. Glamour, Glamour, Puss, Puss! I had my pants by my ankles, diamonds in my ears and my Blackberry Torch out, as i commited to a giant Preggo wee, in a gym toilets. I’m quite positive that this is the reason, why i must have my own show. 🙂 *Calls ITV2- Gets rejected.*
Anyway, a great deal has happened today. I’ve been at work ALL day and well incase you didn’t know my current daily surroundings consist of ‘Lucy’..who finds hair in her tuna and gets really ill from it. I watched her carefully poke her way through her salad cautiously, as i munched on a bacon sandwich. To my right, was Rebecca…who is 19, has plum coloured hair and was ill today. Rebecca and I actually went to the same school as each other. (But i’m an unfortunate decade older.) Today she told me that when she’s ill,everybodies got to be really ‘awwwww’ with her, or she gets upset! (Hah. I love that. I believe she’s a Glamour puss in the making.) I’m tango more along the lines off, if i’m in a little bit of toruble or a little bit ill. I want MAJOR sympathy. But if i’m in BIG trouble or a whole LOT of ill. I’ll pretend i’m utterly fine, like a a giant sexy idiot, tottering around like nothing is wrong. Yet suffering in silence with every high heeled *strut* forward. I’ve a kitty cat that has been through a great deal emotionally, so it’s bizarre that i’d be such a twat over it really. When you’re down, know that someone somewhere really does have it a lot worst than you and really might not have the same heave of strength that you have a burning on the inside!
The other people i have around me on a daily, respond to the names of ‘Claire’ who i adore simply because she’s a ‘tell it how it is‘ kinda gal, who is a total secret romantic and wears ‘slut‘ spectacles and has apparent ‘shoes for sex.‘ LOVE HER immensely. I don’t even have shoes for sex and i’m a floo-to-tha-ooozy. I think Claire’s sort of tough, but gentle all at the same time. I like it…a lot. Then there’s Laura, who is ‘Barbie.’ Today we watched Beyonce toss her golden sequinned booty around, on a telly, as we opened mouthed glared in awe and also as her soon to be brother in law, grumbled on about how that will never be us by plant pots! To all you kittens out there who hear the ‘that’ll never be you’ nonsense from a being behind a plant pot, KNOW that you can be ANYTHING. I’ve proved it and watched dreams come true, for both me and my loved ones! Magical. Really believe you can do ANYTHING and you WILL!
I’m also surrounded by Stuart. Looks like a body bulider, but is definitely a business man. He’s the kinda guy that you automatically respect and i like that. He was sat with me in an office this morning telling me that he got a Hoover for Christmas and a pair of naff socks. Hahaha. You’ve got to love it. I couldn’t think of more inappropriate gifts for him. Lol. Definitely a gent who likes fun and the finer things in life. Other than that there’s pretty boy Ross, who i think is adorable. I mean he might have had a previous cocktail of std’s and asked if my mother would give his friend a private ‘happy ending’ but on the whole he’s lovely. If i was Ross, i’d probably have a couple of stds too, yet weirdly not even realize what the warts on my willy were? He’s not the brightest berry…but certainly a cutie. (Who Matt hit in the knackers with a celotape holder today.) We talked std’s over mint humbugs, whilst i remembered two seperate people in families having such big aCrimbo rguments with their loved ones, that they picked up the Christmas tree and flung it at their mouthy opponent.
Yep then there’s Matt, who is like Lucy says..like ‘the annoying little brother that you just want to punch in the face.’ Lol. Now, i don’t mind Matt at all, because his childlike idiocracy is humourous to me…apart from when he’s using everything i own, apart from my vagina (like my laptop and phone) and BREAKING them. (‘OMG STOP FUCKING TOUCHING EVERYTHING I OWN AND BREAKING THE SHIT OUT OF THEM MATTTTT.’) His girlfriend Lauren is coming to visit him in Wakefield tomorrow. Lucky Lauren. lol. I mean, we all get PAID to hang out with him and break our stuff. Anyway, apparently she likes him podgey and with ‘GIRTH!’ Nice! On the whole a great guy!
Anyway, today hasn’t been just any old day. TODAY is the day that we’re all going to win the Lottery, due to one of Matt’s zany ideas of stupidity, that we’ve all happily fallen for. Woohoo! Where you, my little dumplings of deliciousness, have bought MAYBE ONE Lucky Dip of numbers, for tonights National Lottery Draw. WE…have each put in a lovely bunch of money into a giant syndicate and purchased…no not two…not even twenty two…not even thrity two. BUT ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY FIVE Lucky Dips! One hundred and seventy five numerical combinations of luck. I have photocopied sheets of the tickets that we have purchased at a Wakefield, Sainsburys, this afternoon and if we don’t win at least something then we’re complete idiots! I mean, we have a whole bundle of shots at it. If we win the jackpot, that’s about a quarter of a million each. If dinner ladies can do it, then so can we. Then we’ll all quit and never talk to each other again, because sunbathing on yachts would be far more appealing.
Matt pretty much walked into work today and attempted to pursuade me to play his game of chance and mainly because there’s juice in me that loves a bit of a win, a gamble and a risk. Funnily enough, i told him i needed more time to think. Yet during my ‘think’ time…a gent named ‘Ryan’ from leeds (who i adore) had already put in his money, alongside 5 other people…making me feel all left out. Therefore i reached for my purse, as they were walking towards the door that may lead them to fortune…and gave them my share of’ dollar dollar.’ I’ve spazzed my money on far worse things than that…so fuck it. I now have 175 lucky dips for tonights draw!! Yay!! (I remember Lucy actually shouting at Ryan for always ‘gobbing off.’ The joke is the fact that Ryan is all polite and lovely and never ever ‘gobs off.’ Therefore i encouraged him to totally refrain from uttering a single word, yet every now and again turn around, away from his computer screen and hurl the awfullest, most heartbreaking abuse at someone, then turn away quietly like it never even happened. 🙂 GO TEAM WUNNA!)
Infact, i told both my Dad AND Loverboy about our Lotto ticket purchase and they got all weird and jealous, incase we might win it. How awful. My dad had just spent £30 for the entire month on his tickets and Loverboy is terrified if i do win and simply because i might leave him. Lol. I think i lovingly told him i would. 🙂 Plus, his dream is to win the lottery himself. However, saying that he could just be upset because his Grandma is in hospital a shattered thigh bone. 🙁
Let’s see how lucky we are tonighta! I’m nervous. Yet weirdly confident. I asked Matt, how he all of a sudden, came up with his little concept and all he responded with was, ‘because i knew i was gonna win it.’ I like that! How very Wunna of him! (I love that Claire couldn’t take part in the Tom Foolery because she has to buy a washing machine. I don’t know why i’m humoured by it? lol) What i like about all these people that i’m working along side is simply the fact that i can relate to each and every one of them differently. They EACH have a bit of ME in them. Oh how lucky they are!
I’m tanning and hating that i let myself get this pastey. I’m one who enjoys the disgusting habit of vanity. HOWEVER sinc i’ve been ‘preggo’ i really haven’t been bothered to pander to my usual routine of ‘ohh laa.‘ Now…i hate myself for it. I can’t tell if i’m growing up and loving me how i naturally am. Or whether being ‘preggo’ has lazied me up. Yeah, i got my nails hot pinked today. But i looked at myself, saw how pastey i looked. ( I’m used to the living in Hollywood thang, where i’m always a yummy caramel colour of deliciousness and simply because i’m the kinda floozy who adores to play in the sun.) I weirdly thought i was naturally that tanned. But i’m not. I’m as white as snow. Therefore, inspired by a bit of schloer and Kerry Katona (she’s on my telly and tanned in Spain) I figured, i’d once again being my process of Glamour Pussy ‘ooh laa.’ It’s hard starting anything from the beginning. I mean, we all like to jump on the boat whilst it’s filled with Va Voom. I enjoy how i’ve managed to sort of ‘success’ my life, by myself and from the very beginning. Yet the tanning…i’m finding a tedious misery! I’m refusing to give in. In a week, i’ll be mahogany brown and you will love it. *Fans herself-beckons hot greek men slaves in togas.*
I’ve had no Loverboy tonight and i’ve found myself enjoying chilled out family time, whilst tumble drying my candy coated panties, washing pin striped work trousers, eating bits of salami and chocolate cake and basically still eating Xmas leftovers! Woohoo! (My Mothers just handed me three letters, under the misconception that they will be cheques. I enjoy her innocence. I KNOW when i’m about ot recieve a cheque…and i KNOW that these three letters are nothing more than bills and credit card pin numbers. But i’m gonna open them anyway, simply because she looks soo excited. The harsh reality of it all will hit her and yeah it will be glum, however more importantly it will be good for her. Y’know help the old learning process. I’m a playful loveable kitty cat. I get excited. But i never get excited when I KNOW there really is no need for it. I’ve lived and learnt far too hard for that!)
Pete’s being super lovely to me right now. Apart from when i called him an hour ago and he told me he was ‘going through a busy moment’ at work and needed to call him back later. Ugh! We have an amazing relationship. A great one that anyone slanted eyed Glamour Puss, could dream on. However, i am wanting to spice it up. I don’t mean sexually. I simply mean ‘keep it honey mooney,’ dash it with excitement, fill it back up with flirtation. I never like anything to flow in a calm normal fashion. I enjoy whirlwind joy, bubbles of excitement and i am determined to keep my relationship with Pete that way. (I’ve just recieved a Facebook message from a guy i don’t know, stating that he has ‘yellow fever’ and i have made him ‘shine with jaundice.’ Isn’t that gross liver impairment? Like an illness? Lovely! I’m definitely moving up in the world. I’m now as delicious as disease. )
I think i have back ache. I have two more days at work. My midwife is getting mad at me for not being able to make my appointments with her, due to my work schedule and my Mum is cozied upon an arm chair going on about how she wishes she was young again. I’m deliberately ignoring the fact that she would maybe like me to enter into such a conversation. It’s never about feeling young and always about money. I’m not in the mood for money talk. I just like to make it. Not grumble about it. To me, there is no use dwelling on what you didn’t do in your life, unless you change your present and get to doing whatever you want! Plus, entering such a convo, i’m sure will make me feel rubbish about myself and like i’m not doing financially well enough. I’m all about the positive energy right now. Fuck, digging emotional holes in your present with your past! I have a Tattoo on the inside of my right arm reading ‘MARCH.’ It reminds me to keep soldiering forward, no matter what! ( I got that inked on in LA and boy did it hurt. I was silent the whole way through it and the lady, who looked rather ‘rocky chicky’ had to play classical music in order to calm me.)
I’ve just noticed that a couple of people found my website today by searching ‘Lovely jubblies!’ I’ve MADE it! Hilarious height of stardom. I’m stil angry at the man in Miami who apparently runs some kind of sex trade business. (They nearly kidnapped my friend at an airport. WEIRDO!) I’m throughly against people of his sort (surprisingly enough) therefore the fact that he has his own Wunna site, pretending i shoot pictures with me all of the time, wrongly encouraging other girls to shoot with him, makes me sick!
I haven’t done a Glamour shoot in over a year or so!!! Therefore i’m not quite sure how he can claim that i have shot with him recently and have upcoming shoots, with no boys and no toys! How rude!!! He’s trying to make it porny. I’M PREGNANT for crying out loud! What a dirty bastard. Know that any rudie photos, any of you see of me, are not at all recent and i’m talking years old due to poor Wunna choices. (We know i made bad past choices..i don’t ever deny it. Yet i’m in a very new chapter now and i wish it to be celebrated the correct way.) Therefore don’t let them fool you into believing that the pictures are remotely recent. The only website that is actually MINE and run by Team Wunna is this one. All the others have been made my some pervy, pretending to be, or trying to sell an image of me for quick cash. *Yawn.*
I have a wonderful life now. Great friends, loving family, man of my dreams, a job in showbiz, a normal job at a gym and most importantly, alongside my daily blog, where i get to connect to the entire world, money making, laughter and my book that is on it’s way out, i have a baby on her way, as i sail into soon to be motherhood!!! OMG! MUCH! I’ve never felt so solid and happy. I’m now not stupid enough to ruin it. Yet it seems other jolly souls of beauty enjoy attempting to ruin it for me. Lol. (This is where being tee-total sucks! Gin makes things better!)
Pete and i have a *bump* shoot at the weekend at his appartment. I haven’t told him yet, which will be funny when the cameras roll in at ‘early’ o clock and he’s having to pout and pose along with me and our ‘belly’ on sofas, by walls, in bed. (Oooh!) They’ll be my first proper *bump* shots, yet i did tell you that i met a Wunna fan in Pontefract on Xmas eve, when i had Microwavable slippers in my hand. Well her brother uploaded it to his Facebook and tagged me in it. Therefore since some of you have now seem me in my *bump* status. I figured i’d post it for you all, so you don’t feel left out.
I’m 7 and a half months pregnant and totally stood by bargain kettles 🙂
Feeling much better today. Getting up and going to work isn’t as diffioso as it was yesterday. Last night, i had one of those pointless barneys with Loverboy. One where i decided to bicker because i’m tired and he dismisses the conversation, by blanking my moodiness and filing it under ‘I’m not going to talk to you, if you’re going to be mean annoying for no real reason.’ ( I kept calling him immature…when really i was as immature as can be. I sometimes hate it when he won’t argue with me. Often being too passive can be annoying to a Wunna. I wanted passion and not a simple, ‘i’m too mature and sane to argue with you, because i love you.’ UGH!Boo to the good kind of mature, sane, love! 🙂 Being stable and feeling safe with a boy who adores me endlessly, is something i’m not used to. I’m still learning but secretly loving it.
We had just got back from the hospital after visiting his grandma on Ward F at Pinderfields. A ward filled with old ladies, well into their 80’s (I do mean 80’s as in ‘years old’ and not as in ‘side pony, blue and pink eyeshadow and Wham on in the background.’) I had never seen anything so heart breaking. I walked passed a stream of beds, each with a broken boned elderly lady laid in it, asking for help, with their eyes. They looked so helpless and drained. I smiled, i ‘Hello’d’ and then this weird ‘ooze‘ of awfulness surged through me and i just had to kinda of nervously, yet politely do a ‘head down happily’ saunter…with a smile by each bed swiftly. (Code for: I rudely ignored everyone.) If i was honest, i thought that the grannies that we’re ‘not all there,’ a bit fruity and drugged up, would shout something abusive or racist at Pete & I… so i scurried past in my fur. (I’m just being told that my friend ‘Personal trainer Matt’ dreamt that he had a threesome with me and Alexandra Burke last night. Apparently, she wouldn’t kiss him, yet I was my delicious ‘up for it’ WHOREY self….and with a preggo belly. 🙂 He is also saying ‘It’s not like i go home and think about you all the time Chrissie!’ We all know he has a Wunna shrine.)
Apart from all that, ‘Ross‘ feels ill from eating a ‘mucky kebab.’ Him feeling sick has NOTHING to do with booze, drugs or swagga….just a mucky kebab…that he snorted. 🙂 ‘Matt’ has travelled to work from London this morning and managed to WIN £40 on scratch cards today!! He also held his mouth up to my ear whilst consuming a Terry’s Chocolate Orange choccie. Claire has recieved slutty secretary glasses from santa and is slowly sauntering around looking far too delicious for her own good, whilst bending over photocopying machines and pouting whenever possible, with her ‘wish i had it’ bum. And Lucy, Bex & I have had our nails done. You can tell a great deal about a girl by what she chooses to do with her nails. All of us went with extensions, fakery and sparkle. Meaning we’re girls that like MORE, have a front and do it in glitter. Bex’s nails are Black with glitter upon them. Lucy went with Purply Glitter tips and i ofcourse went with HOT PINK slag nails, WITH silver glitter ontop! They almost glow in the dark! 🙂
Then we talked about how horny our boyfriends are. Lucy’s ‘handsome’ is one who doesn’t enjoy too much of the good old sexytime. Bex’s ‘handsome’ is horny ALL of the time. Loverboy, is mixed raced so when we do indulge in a bit of *rumpy pumpy* it’s dirty. 🙂 We have ethnic sex…as i like to call it. However, we haven’t been too sexually active during my preggoness and simply down to the fact that i don’t find myself sexy when rubbing my father Christmas belly. (‘Oooh do you like it like that Big Boy.’ KILL ME) Weird though because even though we not having as much ‘panky’ he’s still managed to give me groinal itchies. *Wink-Pout* Delicious!
Okay, i’m going before i think i’m being funny when i’m really just being smutty! Pete and I have made up even though i was still evil to him, for no reason this morning, whilst buying last minute contact lenses in Wakefield, after i was FORCED to sleep in yesterdays pair. Waking up being able to see is horredous! He thought i was grumpy because i had no food in my system as he bought a River Island hat. Instead of hating me for being a grumbling little doll factory, he dropped his Glamour Puss off at work and then came back 10 minutes later with a bag filled with Preggo foddie like treats. Awww…! You can’t be mean to a ‘Handsome’ like that. I adore him for doing everything right..but only when i don’t expect him too. (Infact, when i’m mean to him, he wakes up and starts being romantic. Learn it girls!)
Okay, really this time i’m off…with my hotpink, glittered nails! I love you. I can’t breathe properly through my nose and i’m emailing a gent who is wrongly using my images to promote himself and his little sex trade industry! Disgusting!
Having one of those really boring days, that can’t be helped. One of those little days where you’re trying your absolute hardest to stay awake, when all you need is to feel the air on your face or to be tucked up in bed, in snugglies, comfort food and a ‘handsome.’ (Infact, i’ve just recieved a text from a gay friend of mine, who’s boyfriend decided to change his sexual preference during the festive holiday! He cheated on him with a GIRL. Like i always say you never know what’s going on behind each and every beings four walls. Behind mine was utter merriment and starry hopes for the future. Behind my friends was heartache. I really feel for him…and because i’ve been through my share if ‘achey breaky.’)
If i’m being honest work has actually been great today. (I’ve stopped being bored. Didn’t take long.) I’ve had actual ‘girl time’ and being the Ultimate of ‘doll factory,’ it’s kinda nice to spend time with just the girls. I’ve had Lucy do my hair, i’ve gotten Lisa all excited about drinking in London and we’ve had a good old gossip about love, life, famous people and goodges. 🙂 Time has flown and now i feel delicious. I’m done in half an hour now!
It’s been one of those days were all i’ve wanted is a spray tan, a weave fitted and my nails doing, after a massage..with a lovely dinner for two. Being a living doll isn’t as bad as people think. I really hope the rest of the work week pans out as wonderful of today.
Loverboy’s picking me up in 30mins and we’re going to Pinderfields to visit his grandma in hospital. I really fancy a slap up meal and a cuddly night of flirty flirty. I like to keep my relationships flirty. It brings them to life and we all hate a mundane dull marathon of ‘i think we’re in love!’ Anyway, i better pack up and get ready to get going! I can’t believe that i’m going to be a mummy in Feb! I’m in that bizarre stage where i’m questioning how it will change my life and what sort of mother i’m going to be? Pete keeps changing the baby name on me…so i’ve been looking up what each choice means. (I really do think we grow into the names we’re given.) If we’re not going to name her after my favourite booze then i really do need to process the meaning of Pete’s choice of girly ‘label.’ I mean, it has to be Greatness and filled with kitty cat stardom. This little girl will be MY daughter. I can’t have her named anything remotely normal. It has to have that essential Wunna ‘va voom.’
Other than than, it’s almost home time. Quiet day for this lil’ pussycat really. I’ve been emailed by a gent in Hollywood, who i’ve known forever. I refer to him as my ‘showbiz mum’ and well he’s forwarding an agreement to beable to screenplay my life…which i love very mucho. Oh and i’ve just found out that one of my exes, who used to be a massive dealer of recreational vices (which i am properly against) is now a multi- millionaire. Crap like that always happens to me. Yet he is crippled now, which is rather unfortunate! I seem to date boys when they’re poor and when i dump them…they become millionaires! However, I have noticed that the ones that dump ME, really do end up with a life of utter *sad face.* It’s because they have toyed with hurting a Glamour puss. It’s against the karmic law of lucky ducky! Be warned! 🙂 We’re the playful kittens of girly love. We mean no-one any harm, therefore if you bruise one…you’re in big ‘life will come and get you’ kinda trouble.
I’m working all day today! I’m sitting next to a ‘Lucy’ who is seemingly hungover by a kettle, after flicking a girl int he head the evening before and a ‘Lisa’ who enjoys to stand in doorways with a sore kareoke throat. Don’t think i didn’t have a sausage McMuffin this morning. I’m running on coffee and simply because i couldn’t for the entire life of me get up this morning. I set my alarm for 7am. (Quite optimistic choice of time really.) I went for the ‘fuck it’ option and rose from my snugglies at 8.11am. Infact, that’s a lie. I saw 8.11am and again went with the ‘aaah fuck it’ option and like the little dolly that i am, nudged Loverboy expecting HIM to get up for me, only to here him lift his head and say, ‘But where’s the football??‘ WTF!! I don’t enjoy nonsense, when i need others to get up. The only acceptable nonsense is by moi! I actually really thought i absoluetly would no way beable to get up this morning for my day of work. Yet now i’m up, here and coffeed…it really isn’t too bad. I’m loving it. (Yet i could be delirious? Plus everyone around me are talking about how drunk they got and willies, which makes little sober me jealous. Tinsel really isn’t as fun when sober. It’s the person gyrating in it, that matters. *Wishes she had wine.* )
Anyway, i’m knackered because i stayed up to watch ‘Real Housewives’ last night. It didn’t come on and in it’s place was a man named ‘Alan’ dressed up as a woman, singing about the Marriot hotel. I was laid on Loverboy who was laid on my *bump* (kinda like an ethnic game of Lazy Twister) and i found myself getting all into the whole Bob Geldof ‘Live Aid’ story. It made me want to save the world for a good few minutes. I mean, if he can pull that off in 12 weeks ( i can pull a lot more off in less time *wink-pout*) then anyone can do anything. It inspired me, whilst i mouthed tablespoons of Ben & Jerry’s (Cherry Garcia.) All anything takes is balls, guts, passion, determination and energy. I have ALL of that…plus boobies. I really am going to conquer this world! I can’t wait to have my bambino and get back to showing off. (Helloo entertainment, i’ve missed you. Which reminds me, i really need to finish my book!)
I’ve noticed that a lot of people dream of doing things, yet never do them. Now Crimbo is over and we’re in that limbo stage of resteroo, before we mosey into 2011, in streamers. It’s probably a good time to get your cunning plan of victory written down. When i was a wee one. A little Burmese girl from Yorkshire. All i wanted was to go to Hollywood, do entertainment and marry a movie star. The only difference between me and the girl next door with a dream, is that i had the guts (and mild stupidity) to do it. If you have a dream, all you need in order to make your come true is to DO IT and DO IT before you manage to talk yourself out of it. Fearlessness and the powerful ability to NOT care what others may think of you is all that matters. (I’m accidentally being all ‘preacher’ much again aren’t i. The coffee must be kicking in. But really…it’s not. I feel like i have a lazy left eye this morning. I’m like Lisa left eye lopez…but lazy.)
Can’t think of anything else to tell you other than the fact that LOVERBOY (who fancies himself as a bit of an artist) tried to DRAW me the other night whilst..(OMG i’ve just got up and TRIPPED over my own laptop cable and fallen into a Lost property box!! Worst preggo ever!) Anyway, yeah…whilst i was asleep Pete grabs a pen and paper and draws me. Then all proud of himself, he nudges me up, puts this bit of white paper in my face, points at a pen sketched face of me and tells me i’m beautiful.
I LOOKED LIKE A FRICKING MAN on it! A MAN! Infact, i couldn’t tell if it was a tranny version of me..which i really don’t mind too much, as i’ve been called that on numerous occasions and they do have great eyelashes. But a MAN is really quite worrying. Now most people get woken up and asked if they would like a gentle cup of tea. I get woken up, by an excited male and have a pen sketch of myself, making me look like a MAN… shoved too close to my face! AND i was grey and white leopard print pyjamas, that he’s now shrunk from over tumble drying. I look like a nursery rhyme character in it. My pyjama top is now like a belly top.
Now, i’ve been drawn a lot by a couple of people around the world and they have done almost impossibly accurate sketches of me. Plus..for those of you who didn’t know, i’m quite good at a bit of art! I got an art scholarship into school and everything. Go me. I don’t know whether i was just grumpy from being woken up and having a phone camera light *flashed* in my face every three seconds, by the Father of my *bump* or whether i was deeply insulted with his drawing of me. But i sure as HELL woke up, looked at the picture and then yelled at him for being rubbish, worthless and not as good as me! LOl. I’m awful! (We did laugh about it.) He loves his drawing soo much that he has it on his phone as a screensaver and showed each member of his immediate family around a dinner table. (‘Do you think this looks like Chrissie?‘) Every single one of them politely *paused* an then said ‘NO NOT AT ALL PETE!’
Although i’m really tired and not yet awake, i’m actually blissed over with a delicious *ooze* of excitment. I’m having one of those moments where i really think wonderful things are going to bless my future. I’m just one of those kitty cats that was born under really lucky stars. After today i’ve run out of contact lenses. UGH! I should’ve gone this morning and got some!
Use this time of limbo wisely. ‘Lisa’ has static trousers and i have a human in my uterus. My life. My way. Loving it! x
Well helllooo Boxing day! If you’re from a rather more exotic land and you are unaware of the term ‘Boxing day’ know that i’m simply referring to the day after Christmas, where i woek up topless, with a beautiful ‘updo’ that would suggest i was either a QUEEN or a bridesmaid, littered with clipped in flowers of gold, with my mixed raced ‘Handsome’ to my left and my bra (black one) hanging off my phone charger that was seemingly plugged into the wall.
Usually when this happens, i’ve had some kind of totally worthy night, that most would file under ‘sin’..yet I being the Ultimate Glamour Puss of ‘ooh laa‘ and cheeky chappy elbows, would file under ‘good clean times..‘ HOWEVER, i really just had a nice Christmas day in fur with my family and Loverboy’s family. All warm, calm, happy and filled with love, via turkey. (This is the first Crimbo i’ve attempted sober in a very loong time. Luckily, i LOVED it but probably because i got gifts!)
Okay, so yeah ofcourse i’ll wish you all a very merry xmas (even though it’s now technically *popped* and packed away,) as i truely hope the good old man in the red suit squeezed his way down your chimney and dropped of a few goodies that brought a happy smile to your face. The kind that makes your eyes smile and your heart flutter. If you didn’t enjoy such excitement…i hope you had rum. But i will say that more than anything this year, aside from the time i’ve had with my family, i’ve thoroughly enjoyed my FOUR entire days off work!!!!! I’ve LOVED IT! Infact, i could get used to it, loved it. The only problem is that i also enjoy the moola that comes with the ‘going to work’ thing, (the root of all evil..which makes us believe we can’t survive without it..when we really can, as it’s not what life is AT ALL about. Love, happiness and the relationships you have with people are the only thing that truely matters! Money just seems to make the journey easier in the world that we have been made to live in. You only do LIVE once and regardless rich or poor…you WILL die at the end of it all…therefore making sure you have a jolly old time, doing whatever makes you happy, is the key factor to it all. The people who judge you are simply the people who don’t see life for what it really is!)
I love how i went off on a tragic ‘save the world’ ramble then. Forgive me. I’m a floozy. Okay, a great deal has happened, meaning i can for the life of me indulge in the itty bitty detail of it all. So in true Wunna style, i’ll skim it….deliciously. (Do know that i have just been to Leeds and had a ginormous carvery at Toby Carvery, therefore i’m half exhausted and weirded out by the fact that Loverboy is not one for marriage. He told me as he sipped an irish liquor coffee and i sipped my regular coffee brew and stared at my cola, by a fireplace.)
During my days off, i’ve enjoyed a delicious hot stone massage. I’m one who is devastaingly into a good old rub down and simply because it keeps your body alive and after all the tottering i’ve been doing, i’m gonna need it in order to gte through labour. (8 weeks and counting.) I’ve travelled to the Whiteros centre for a bit fo Pre-Christmas Eve shopping. I managed to buy a D& G watch as a secret prezzie, after a Nandos, as Loverboy simply fretted around the mall all bewildered and confused. I’ve realizing that although lovely, he really isn’t a marvel under pressure. He actually prefers me to take the reins and direct him to victory. I’m not one who enjoys reins. If a boy or anyone tries to rein me aeound, i break free and bite them. Plus, if i am told to rein…i feel all awkward due to the weight of responsibilty. I’m all for people doing whatever it is they want and well Loverboy is a dear fellow who i seem to believe is not use to such behaviour. He’s a people pleaser. *Rolls eyes.* Even though i tend to mess a lot of things up. I do it with such hopeless charm that it ends up pleasing anyhow! 🙂
Christmas morning, i woke up and gave my first prezzie to my ‘Handsome.’ He was quite nervous and shakey when he was openning it. I don’t get why? But he claims it’s because it felt expensive? Anyway, my outstanding pussycat gift giving skills managed to make him cry. Which kinda makes me happy, because then you know you’ve done a great job. A GREAT job, is simply a moment them will always remember. I’m good at ‘moments.’ Just rubbish at the rest of the time really. (Note: They were ‘happy tears!’ I’m not an evil little whorey who gets off on misery. Infact, i despise the miserable and simply because it’s loooong. But innit!)
I then went to my Mothers, to have dinenr with my Daddy, her lovely self and my little brother. I adore them all and had the most perfect time. I’m really appreciating them more than ever now that i’m older. You really don’t realize (well i didn’t because I tangoed through an awfully selfish phase) how much they do for you, until you’re older and in a position of being able to do things for them. It was really quite emotional for me. I loved every moment that i had with them. We had a delicious dinner by the tree and opened bundles of perfect prezzies! Then i ate 42 breadsticks. Being pregnant really is wonderful at Christmas! You can eat and not feel too foolish, due to having a baby to blame for your greed. 🙂
I then cuddled and kissed my mum…realized how much i want to impress her and make her happy. I think we all have that feeling deep down really, don’t we? It’s bizarre. Then after not being able to flush poos, enjoying more cake and remembering that Pete had done a random Michael Jackson dance for me 2 days previous, simply because he had shrunk his grey tracky bottoms in the wash, making them calf length and had white socks on. He’s cute when he has his outbursts of madness. It makes me feel as though he’s comfortable around me. (He was happy because i had lent him Christmas shopping money and he didn’t think anyone would care enough to do that for him. I actually don’t at all love money lending. LOL. But i’ll do it for the people that are constantly having to do lovely things for me, in order to aid me through life.) We did all of our shopping on Xmas Eve in Pontefract. I did a fan photo for a chipper young Wunna fan, with i had a pair of blue microwavable slippers in my hand! 🙂 Who needs a piccy with Cheryl Cole, when you can have Chrissie Wunna in a bargain shop with slippers that you can warm up in a microwave! 🙂 Unbeatable. I actually looked good on that day to say i was rather preggo. I looked all hip hop chic. Hat, fur, diamantes, pinny and fur boots! If you ever meet me and have had the great honour of picturing with me…(lol) notice that i’m usually in a really awkward place or with a really awkward object in my hand.
Anyway, long story short. It’s been marvellous! All i need to do now is ring in the New year and squeeze a baby out of my ‘lady part.’ I’m back to work tomorrow for four days, which i’m probably gonna find tedious. I’m simply a being who was MADE for entertaining others. Anything else…i’m rubbish at. Yet the money…i like, so i’ll boogie on down with it. I’m actually feeling quite deteminded and powerful right now. I’m dangerous when i’m like this. But i adore it. I feel like i can achieve anything and because i’m a kitty cat who has the biggest balls ever much…armed with a wink.
Loverboy’s grandma has slipped and broken her thigh bone in three places today and we’ve just mopped the bathroom floor after our kitten pooed in the corner of it. Christmas really is over. But lets celebrate anyway! I’m really not going to like going back to work. However, luckily ‘Real Housewives’ is on tonight,making my world a better place.
I feel amazing! You do not even know how ace it feels to beable to enjoy a delicious lay in, with your ‘Handsome,’ look at your phone clock and realize that it’s 9.50am and you don’t actually have to be at work! Woohoo! I am thoroughly enjoying my Xmas off and to mark the occasion i am tending to a lush Christmas pamper of ‘Glamour pussness.’ I’m draped in diamonds, pearls, with a rather dolly curled ‘updo’…i’m preggo so i unfortunately keep realizing i have the body of a Father Christmas. However, whatever…i feel YUMMY! How YOU feel, is all that matters! My body feels like it’s finally allowed to chillax and calm down, due to the assurance that i have no work for 4 days! FOUR DAYs! Mocktails for everyone!! Therefore i’m going to decorate myself in streamers, get the piece of glitter that i have still in my contact lens OUT (i’m still seeing life through the eyes of what seems like a disco ball) and not only am i going to get my nails done…but i am also going to indulge in a spray tan and a massage.
I’m currently at Loverboys. He’s away teaching my brother to drive, as i sort my vagina problem out (all done now, by the way) and i fall around his kitchen, on garlic skins. Don’t ask! I intended on washing the dishes up. On my way to the sink, whilst i had quite an unfortunate merry skip a going, i skidded on one of the dangly balls on my eskimo fur boots, then onto a garlic peel, then into the splits *screaming*...whilst holding my *bump.* I think i may have sworn a bit too. But only something like ‘AAAAH FUCKING BASTARD!!’
I’m fine now and the dishes weidly got done. However only because i found it so funny that i was terribly overdressed for such an occasion. I had beaded pearls draped over my ‘updo’ and eyelashes that could make Katie Price-Reid want to get another boob job! Infact, the only real reason i wanted to dish wash was because i was playing ‘Real Housewives of…’ (My fave tv show..apart form any show that i’m on…ever much!!)
Now, i’m all done and Loverboy is on his way back to me, so we can lunch and shop for Crimbo. (I’ve just had a payday!) I only have a couple more things to buy and i’m currently laughing at a text sent to me by a lovely who ‘put out’ simply because she didn’t want to go to Asda! (‘ I had to choose between trailing around Asda for an hour, or just laying on my back for 5 mins…’ ) HAHA. Her boyfriend decided not to give her anything for her birthday…but his BODY!! HAHAH. Don’t you just hate it when boys do that! WE WANT FUCKING GIFTS! Not a mometn where you’re being really sweet to us, then trying to peel our panties off on the sofa, after saying ‘i didn’t really know what to get you, so i didn’t!’ (Pete wouldn’t DARE do that to me! I’d kill him!) However, let me remind you s a boys. ‘YOUR BODY’ is NOT good enough birthday gift, if you have a hot girlfriend. We won’t appreciate it as much, a drug 50 year old beauty, at 1.50am in a nightclub, in a too small for her corset and no teeth. Romance, love and presents..work for us! (I mean, i even told Pete off this morning for saying ‘Is that the bin men’ after i had told him that i loved him. lol) I am actually really in love right now, so i’m fucked aren’t i! Luckily he is too! In 8 weeks…we ‘re parents! We’ve only been dating 9 and a half months! 🙂 He keeps changing the name of our baby though. Which worries me. I haven’t told anyone, but my mum…and now i look like a lunatic because i’m going ot have to change it again! UGH!
Anyway, i’ve got to go, i’ve got pampering to get too! I feel like a free woman now i’ve sorted out my crotch. My belly is mildy uncomfortable..but luckily that’s a medium i flourish in!
Have a wonderful Pre- Christmas Eve!!! *Excited face!!* (Oh and thnakyou for all the messages you’ve sent me in regards to my calculator tweet. I tweeted at 7am yesterday, ‘You KNOW you’re bored when your only form of entertainment is a calculator.’ Apparently, you’ve all felt my pain. LOL And you’re all ‘Calculator spelling ‘ genius’. You’re all that telling me at 7.30am that you can spell ‘boobies‘ with numbers and i’m there in a giant faux fur, sat at a desk, with a baby blue calculator…NO not being creative and spelling ‘hedgehog’…but simply (do a *loser* sign here) just doing sums!! HAHA. I was literally adding. 🙂