Better in the Movies

Christmas seems to look better on cards and movies. Now, i’m by NO means a scrooge. I adore me a bit of tinsel, light, laughter and elves. The campness and warmth of it all, fills my spirit up with ‘ooh laa.’ Plus,I’m a December born baby…which means it’s a month of utter celebration. Yet, let me tell you, i have just trundled through the deepest of snow, wrapped up like the most terrifying abominable beast of a puss, with heavy bags stuffed with girly Wunna ‘must-haves,’ eskimo boots and a lady i believe is my Mother hooked onto the left part of my body. Not only was it dark, cold and snowing, some kind of glistenning powedery fluff that melts…but we had to walk miles together, due to having to leave our car at the top of the road, in order to not get ‘snowed in’ in the morning. We both have work to get to. I’m gonna sit in a gym and pretend to look busy…Mother will be looking at peoples vaginas and making them better..for Christmas?

I arrived covered in layers of heavy snow, with my feet wet from my snow boots, and my ‘Hollywood bounce’ hair drowned in ‘nothing like in the movies.’ In Christmas movies, children merrily frolock in the night time snow, gleefully, like crack heads, with candy canes and over-sized gifts. Even the cards are spritzed in glitter and happy scenes of ‘merry.’ In REAL life…you see the glittery sheen upon the laiden snow, yes you do, you do! However, there ain’t no joyful music, with luscious laps of prezzie delight. You see that ‘sheen’ and you hope to GOD that you aren’t gonna slip over it and break every bone in your beautiful face. There’s no music. Just a cold, wet fear of ‘cautious much!’ I looked like a crappy joke that you find in a cracker…waddling from side to side, with flakes flying into my eyes, my hair drenched and with a belly full of baby. Yeah, it was pretty hilarious. But only because i did the walk with my mother. Moments are always better when you jolly them along with a partner in crime. If you do them alone…it always feels way more tragic! lol

Anyway, i worked all day. I began it grumpy, after a icey struggle to work with Loverboy and ended the day on a much warmer note, with direct debits in my hands and a diet coke to my right.  I’m still loving work and enjoying the people i work with. I read smutty ‘bedtime’ stories to eager exotic dancers. Admired Lucy’s cherry chocolate hair, played ‘giggle-wink’ with the boys and really wanted to steal a Lion bar, yet refrained from doing so, when i realized they were only 50p. (I can’t believe my laptop is actually working. I lugged it through snow, like my life depended on it. It got horrifically i wiped it down with kittens named ‘Gucci.’ It now works, meaning my logic is greatness.)

Okay, so…away from work! Last night, i tried to make Loverboy give me a massage. I was so exhausted and when i’s best that do you as i say, otherwise i can get a little prickly. I think we had a jolly old bicker about nothing much and when we made up, i went in for the ‘now can i have a massage.’

Pete’s not too giving when it comes to such foolery. He’s one of those who can’t be arsed to massage anyone, or anything. He’d much prefer a ‘being’ rubbing HIM down. I’m the exact same way…which can be a problem. Especially because i don’t LOVE compromise. 🙂

Anyway, he half-heartedly rubbed my back, with zero effort and a face like thunder. I got moody with him for not making an effort and started telling him off for not caring to take ‘TEN minutes out of his, oh so, precious life’ to ease the pain of his very pregnant, kitty cat. (  I always use that!) It worked, quite well…yet not well enough for my standards. He gave a jolly 50%. Therefore i commited to being a giant pain in the ‘whoop-dee’ and cunningly made him jealous, by showing him bodies i like of other boys, as punishment, until he fully commited to the massage! Nbice, aren’t i! HAHAHA.

Luckily, it worked. I know my ‘ooh laa’ well! [Evil laugh here.] Pete’s a sucker for a flirty girl! Therefore with a ‘You always cunningly get your own way,’ he gave me the best back massage i could ever wish for!! It started off calm and loving. However, then he got a bit carried away and tried to make me imagine trees and gardens, in order to make me fall asleep so he wouldn’t have to rub me down anymore. Lol. A professional back rubber, (and i’ve enjoyed many) would tell you to imagine calm, colours and sunsets. Pete told me to imagine…goats…in sheep…in gardens?? WTF!!

Firstly, farmyard animals terrify me…after i got nuzzled in the vagina by a billy goat gruff, when i was seven at a petting zoo.

Drama for yo mama much

Work has been easy today! I’ve verbally nursed a boy named ‘Russian’ back to better health, by laughing at him sloowly flu his way to death, in giant gloves. I’ve giggled with excitment at the fact that work colleague ‘Matt’ has spent a portion of his hard earned pences on MICROWAVABLE slippers! Genius behaviour! (‘Chrissie! Chrissie! Look! I’ve just bought microwavable slippers, a scroll and boots from Ibiza…’) I’ve listened to a gent named ‘Ross’ tell me how his girlfriend dumped him over the weekend, after she viewed slaggy photos of girls doing naughty things to themselves on his old phone…and everyone else (apart from the girls) and a couple of personal trainers with hammers and lemon flapjacks…got snowed in! I love how ‘Russian Mark’ drove all the way from York, ‘Farty Matt’ got a train from Kings Cross this morning at 7am, in order to get to work in Wakefield for 10am. Yet the ‘Big guns’ seemed to have not been able to shimmie out of their driveway this fine, ‘not very snowy’ morning. 🙂

I’ve just got home, after Loverboy picked me up filled to the brim with ‘drama for yo mama.’ I hate drama right now because i’m avoiding all kinds of stress. He’s having joyous problemos at his own place of work and for some delicious reason likes to pull me into it all, by using MY pink Blackberry to make ‘probably gonna get told off’ phone calls and then do the hidieous move of placing it on speakerphone, meaning i have to openly listen to his awkward drama, all the way home. UGH!!! I felt trapped in prison of car, as we meandered around the streets of Wakefield. Then he yelled at me for stating that he had a random st’ st’ st’ stammer. (I listened to his whole convo and thought poorly of the way he was unable to directly stand his ground or make himself clear. He was rather wishy-wash and ‘grey zone.’ I’m a kitten of utter directness. I’m confident, sassy and you will KNOW what i mean and when i mean it!! There is ZERO ‘um…um..but um…er..’ in my strut. It really gets to me when people are like that. Then it gets to me, when you’re giving them petrol money and they’re doing angry scrunched up faces at you, no matter how brief, their moment of frustration is.)

I’ve actually had an amazing day. Yeah, i may have spent the last 20 minutes stomping around Asda, with a face like a slapped arse, due to Loverboy stressing me out, whilst purchasing baby new potatoes and a Double Decker. But now, i’ve had time to chill, ‘blog’ it all out and actually enjoy the fact that i’m finally tanned and all ‘Dolly glam’ right now. I have a kitten by my side, dinner being cooked for me and excited for my work week ahead. Loverboy’s had a week off work and it’s noticeably more annoying when he has nothing to do. Men are like that aren’t they? My grandad used to always tell my Mum and I that in order to keep a man happy, you must make sure you keep him busy! (Luckily his ‘drama’ has been sorted and i’ve told him off for passing the ‘stress ball.’ I usually can’t catch sober, so it’s rubbish that i managed to absorb his 15 minutes of drama.’)

I can’t wait for dinner and a night of telly watching! The good thing about my life is that whenever the ‘love’ part of it gets pinickety or draining, i can simply plunge my pretty self into work. I categorize them into completely alternate boxes and use them against each other, in order to stay mildy sane.

I’m happy. Hope you are to!! Big Winks Always!

Chrissie x

Quick note, Love & Popadoms

Perfect evening! I’ve had a curry and the most glorious ‘good telly’ night. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed every moment of my day of chillax. I’ve cuddled on the sofa with a kitten, crotch and ‘handsome’ whilst being told that i’m the most beautiful girl in the world and the only chick that my other half will EVER want to be with. I mean, how nice is that! FINALLY after years of tumulous love affairs in Hollywood, i meet a guy, THE guy that looks at me, like a fairytaled Prince, tells me i’m his everything, has managed to put up with my rather tragical ways and then tells me how precious i am. I feel really appreciated and maybe in this world…that’s how we want to feel?

I’ve sat on a sofa in utter love, munching on popadoms, dipped in pickle tray. I have a big work week ahead of me and i’ve managed to spray tan TWICE (woohoo) AND ‘Hollywood bounce’ my hair. I’m pulling my sorry arse together and it actually feels delicious. Know that stepping out of the pool of self pity really is refreshing! You’re probably gonna need a towel. But before long you’ll be galloping nudie to the merry sounds of victory…or police sirens. 🙂 (Both are sexy, in Winter.)

Loverboy and I (after he rapped his love to me and tried to sing ‘Unforgettable’ at me, after Wagners ‘bye bye’ performance) were just talking about fate! I’m a great believer in this little art of destiny, yet i never believed it when it came to the subject of love. The way Pete & I’s cards have fallen in life…have weirdly proved how strong FATE really is. He’s the boy that made me believe in true love and i’m the girl that made him believe that he could achieve anything! My life has just been filled with laughter, excitement and love. Yeah, i’ve had bad times. But i’ve always managed to crawl back to the sunnyside of the street, even when wasted and with a giggle. I’ve never been happier, with my love life, my work life and my story. It’s incredible.

Just a quick note, before i totter off really.  I must now leave to go watch ‘Real Housewives’…i’m an addict. Oh and i got mailed a movie script today! EXCITING!!!! (…and it doesn’t even contain goats!) This ball of life that i’m rolling, is magical. Now if only i could do it in heels! (Preggo much!)

Don’t forget i have my cosmetics line a flowing & my blog can now be purchased for your Amazon Kindle.

Tan, Takeaway & Good Telly night.

It’s been a day of lovely ‘in laws.’ I call the ‘Wattis Family’ my ‘in laws’ simply because i couldn’t imagine a more delightful set of beings that i could futurely belong to. Yeah…i’m not at all engaged to be married. But when a family actually likes you and warms you into their cozy nest, with chicken, potatoes, brownies and love. You hold onto them. Especially when you are dating their baby son. Mums (aside from my own) usually refuse to appreciate my presence. I often judge boys on how nice their family are to me…and this time i’ve definitely lucked out! I’m the flukiest dolly in town! Always a winner and always by accident.

Anyway, other than all that lovely family pokery. I’m feeling gross today and i mean preggo gross. I’m having one of those i hate that i’m pastey, have rubbish hair, can’t fit into anything delicious and can be rolled down long passage ways days! I hate it! I sincerely loooong for the moment that i can make like ‘Mother Mary’ and produce The Lords child…which is in February….and FINALLY get back to being me. The thing that i’m disliking is not the fact that i’m tubby, fugly and pastey..with a waddle. (Yep, i’m in the preggo pig ‘hello 3rd trimester’ stage.) It’s MORE the fact that i don’t feel like myself anymore. I’m looking in the mirror and seeing a completely different person. One that can’t reach diamonds on the floor and can’t bare the arm strain that it takes to ‘Hollywood curl’ my hair. Infact before i was preggo fat, i couldn’t bare the strain of that task. I’m one that enjoys TO BE pampered. I am a kitty who needs a 24hr constant staff of beauty. [Yes you may pass the champagne here.] I can’t even be bothered to look good and that my darlings, is WUNNA at rock bottom. The good thing about this little 9 months on jiggery pokery, other than the fact that i’ve become a million times more responsible, is the fact that i’ve been able to realize what it feels like living life, through the eyes of those who do not feel 100% desired or beautiful. It’s not a box i’d like to stay in and won’t …however, it really has been a good curb of ‘learn much.’ I only have 2 and a half months to go!

I tried to get a spray tan yesterday in Doncaster, but for some reason you can’t just saunter in a place a get one. The term ‘Walk-ins Welcome’  who suggest that you would. Yet in every place that i ventured in…the ‘lady who usually does it’ apparently had gone home. I felt like Baby Jesus. There really was no room for me at anyone’s ‘3 shades darker please’ inn. It ruined everything. I woke up this morning and scared mysel,f at home white i was. I’m even rocking that delicious ‘face 6 times darker, due to bronzer, than hands’ look. ROCK BOTTOM!

I’ve just got out the shower and attempted to again dry my hair under Pete’s bathroom heater. I’m in my pyjamas, on my laptop in his kitchen and other than being sick of being preggo, i’m luckily waiting for my own DIY spray tan to dry…by a random Jeremy Clarkson book. MY DIY tans never work as greatly, because my impatience gets the better of me and i can’t be arsed to even attempt to make it even nearly decent. I like everything to be quick. Tanning these days, seems to take far too long. I’m waiting for my ‘good telly night’ to begin. It’s all i have before my week of ‘working the entire time’ trots along, as soon as the morning dawns upon me. 🙁

On the whole life is good. I’ve been blessed with a life of actual fabulousity and as a little girl it’s all i ever wanted. Nothing more, nothing less. However saying that EVERYONE i know, seems to have an adult baby grow from Primark and i want one. I feel all out of the loop. I wannabe part of the ‘cool kids’ club. I enjoy how a baby grow is all fun & games and for you. To me, it’s a whole other shibbam. I’ll have a wide eyed, little girl filling one, in a short-ish while…who will call me ‘Mum’ and be told that i’m a ‘slag’ when she’s at school. Luckily, we’ll beable to send her to posh school, if not the same one both Loverboy and I went to. Therefore she will be worshipped and maybe talked about behind her back, more than confronted. 🙂

I love you all. I’m loving your messages. Again, i have a full and busy work week…so my apologies to all of those, i’m not managing to fit in. (Wink-pout.)

I’ve had an amazing day and well it’s almost takeaway time and ‘good telly night.’ I adore you and remember, keep taking those precious baby steps to get to your final goal. You’ll get there in the end, if you stay on the right path. Life isn’t as hard as they tell you. All you need to remember is to cheer up! It’s snowing outside and my tan isn’t even watering off in it. This is how i KNOW that my standards are slipping. UGH!!!!

Paydays, Fans & Indian Hair Pieces

Friday was ‘payday’ which made

Kitty Queen in Cold & Amazon Kindles

Just got home, only to get picked up and then be travelled to my second home by a ‘handsome’ in a brown and beige stripped tie! TODAY it snowed!! Quite oddly i enjoy snow, for being a kitten of heat and exoticity. (I’m currently being distracted by Loverboy, who is moseying around in his work trousers, NO shirt AND chicken! I’m dazzled by his ‘muscley wusclies.’ Yet i’m finding him ultimately adorable because he’s doing that face that boys do, when they pretend that they don’t know you’re watching their rather flaunted bare body. At least he’s bothered about impressing me. I like that. I’m beginning to LOVE a good body on a boy…which reminds me a hot blondie bundle of kitty cat, in pink ear muffs today, told me she had sexytime with a skinny boy and it just felt wrong. ‘Blondie bundle’ is a whole lotta woman…in a good way. To her, there is nothing worse than monkey straddling a pair of chicken legs, doing *ugh-ugh* faces at her. I find it hard to get jiggy in the winter. I get far too cold…and no it doesn’t warm my little cockles up.

I’ve again worked ALL DAY…and hard! I’ve been rammed with ‘omg, where are you’ messages from you all delicious dips of *yum yum.* Yet i’m juggling so much right now, that i just don’t have as much time as i did before. I am however reading ALL of your messages and well for Crimbo there will be a lot of Wunna treats for you all to *wiggle and wink* or build magical shrines fo glory with.

I’ve literally spent the whole entire day freezing to death. I was soo incredibly cold, that every single limb in my entire body seems to have completely ceased up. I can’t even walk, for having to waddle. Being preggo and insanely cold, in a knitted baby pink dress really is utterly tragic. I do not function in freezing temperatures. My brain refuses to work, my legs refuse to work, my heart refuses to work (i become immediately grumpy) and i begin to poke at innocents with verbal sticks of humourous abuse. I don’t like it one bit AND i’ve managed to completely lose my appetite. I’ve eaten a muffin ALL DAY. Nothing more, nothing less. Infact, Loverboy’s just tried to make me eat a chinese chicken bowl of rice and it’s been shunned by the Glamour puss herself and because i just can’t eat when i’m cold. I feel stressed, irritated and emotional right now. I need a moment of ‘chillax.’ My mind is currently burdened with rather heavy loads!

Anyway, other than all that, needing to relax and enjoy tiny bits of finger food. I’ve thumbed through a bowl of sequins and glitter. I do this to calm myself more frequently than you think. I’ve thought of more business options for me to attempt to conquest. I’ve sat on a bag of prawn crackers, that Loverboy then ate with chilli sauce and i’m now tired of being FAT!!! OMG!! When is this baby coming OUT, goddamit!!! I just can’t handle being wumbo-jumbo ANY MORE! I mean, i’ve just waddled around Asda, ( i hate supermarkets that aren’t

Love, Life & Fanny Chips

Fell asleep on a sofa last night,with a ‘handsome’ rubbing my back, out of love and some kind of soothing Birmingham gangsta movie on the telly, which i found mildy homo-erotic. (I never get the teenage thugs of the world? ‘I’ll fight you ‘coz your scarf is yellow! We’re the purple scarf wearing crew blud. Braap?’ ) Random!

Anyway, i woke up next to my delicious little ‘Loverboy’, who was snuggled in the sheets like the most yummy piece of ‘ooh’ i had ever tried to ‘big spoon.’ Apparently when i’m sleepy and have just been woken up…all glamour pussness goes out the window and i turn into a 4 year old doll of ‘woo-wee’ who rubs her eyes and stumbles over rather large and obvious furniture, whilst ‘sleep-walk’ giggling and jibbering out nonsense, but in a baby voice. 🙂 That’s pretty much how i believe i act when drunk…therefore i’m glad i got to experience the feeling of the ‘funk’…even though i don’t actually remember it happening. (He literally had to carry me to bed and tuck me in, because like a toddler..i couldn’t seem to figure out, the fine art of walking…and i wasn’t even trollied!! Woohoo!)

I’ve worked all day and yeah it’s been alright? I mean apart from my moments and lunch with Petey, the majority of my day has been spent with 4 boys..all who of which are work mates. One of them ‘Matt’ spent the day doing nothing but Facebook, annoying me and placing nudie pictures of me, in full view of innocent eyes, whilst spitting pen tops into my eye. (He’s a good guy that would probably enjoy a slap.) ‘Gazz’ i think is hilarious. He’s a DJ that reminds of a happy used car salesman. I caught him yelling abuse at ‘Matt,’ and leaving mildy threatenning messages on people’s voicemails, as he was thoroughly enjoying a sherbet ‘Double Dip.’ I like him because inbetween these moments of ‘not very many sales’ he perfoms disco dance moves, and shows me videos of Husky dogs who talk.

‘Mark’ is one of those easy going gentlemen, who keeps life chilled, with a delightful sense of calm politeness..which is something i find charming in a male, i enjoy a calm gent. Then there’s ‘Ross.’ He’s the sweet good guy. The one that is fair, beautiful, a decent human being and just someone you’re happy to know. (He told me today… when i was forcing the boys to tell me about the trials and tribulations of their love lives. Expression is healthy. Anyway yeah, he told me that his now ex girlfriend spent the previous evening tantruming and throwing jacket potatoes around his kitchen in a moment of anger. HAHA. He made her pack a bag, opened the door and made her leave, due to the fact that starch is  abugger to clean off your roomates running shoes.) I love that story! I’m soo glad, i’m now 29 and no longer in my little girl ‘tantrum’ phase. I went through a Hollywood phase of chucking plant pots off balconies belonging to my ‘at the time’ boyfriend. Yet i don’t care. It’s a tale i will always live to tell. I then got chewed by a pitbull. Not hot.

Today’s been average. I’ve been through every emotion possible. I think i’m a distraction in an office full of boys. My presence seems to make some of them opt for ‘lets not bother working’ option…and well underneath a layer of fake tan, boobies, preggo belly and eyelashes, i’m actually a workaholic. I’m not a mess a rounder really…ever. I messed around ‘on the telly’..yes..but technically that was work. 🙂 I’m not one who likes to get distracted from getting the job done…yet can thoroughly appreciate a giggle. I mean, i am a floozy afterall.

Right now, i’m back on the sofa in my pyjamas with Loverboy…(who i watched work out this morning.) It’s hard for him because whenever he’s in a public vicinity and people are aware that he is ‘Loverboy’…then stranger behaviour occurs aorund him. I’ve accidentally turned his life into mine. I’m used to it though…he’s not. It’s weird because everyone knows so much about him, from reading my blog…that they look at him funnily and ‘chitter chatter’ behind palmed hands.

Anyway, he got a little stressed today, due to life being life and after a frantic phonecall…i came to his rescue and gave him a cuddle. You know when life just gets waay too much for you and you need a ‘being’ to care about you. Well he went through that at around 6pm tonight. He had tears in his eyes, as he picked me up from work. I cuddled him, looked after him and now we’re on the sofa cuddling, after having the most delicious dinner and talking to drunks in Morrisons. Loverboy actually also has the finest bottle of red and we are nothing but smiles, as we listen to the phrase ‘fanny chips’ being repeated on our telly box. 🙂

I like being the kitty cat that’s always there for him or anyone really. I’ve really grown up from my tragic Hollywood days. I’ve turned into my Mother…and it actually feels wonderful. I’m doing what every great woman does and that’s prop him up when he thinks he’s falling.

Anyhow, i must go, because ‘blogging’ is kinda of not really too well mannered of me, when i have a half naked handsome, on the vino, laid next to me. He says he’s glad to have me. I love how close we’ve become!

It’s All About Being Wunnaful

Home sweet home. I’ve managed to work my pretty arse of all day, balling my bump around, in a pink knitted mini dress, whilst sorting out accounts, being told i have a big vagina and listenning to voicemails from TV folk who would like me to do some kind of show.

I actually had quite a lot to do today…and my nutrition of choice was sweets, in the form of Refresher bars and Drumstick lollies. Already a great mother. Don’t hate! 🙂 I’ve just got out the shower, i have a tiny black kitten on my lap, called ‘Columbo’ watching me blog and i’ve taxied it to Loverboy’s (where i seem to be staying a lot recently, via his own trickery.) He’s wanted me to live with him for ages and i’ve refused…being the loving doll that i am! 🙂 I still haven’t made the move yet, however i’m quite enjoying my ‘stay overs’ and because he gives me schloer, has a kitten and makes me dinner. I love pretend wine. It hurts ya teeth and everything. Being tee-total sucks. Yet i don’t think i could handle a full on drink now, after i’ve had the baby? I’m great sober and i never thought i would be? I’ve made friends with a whole new me and yeah i like her rather mucho. (I think Loverboy wants me to be his wife? He keeps going on about how he can imagine our wedding and the way our vows will tinker along. Aww! I now see him as my WAG and simply because the roles in our relationship have reversed. I’m the bread winner and he picks out pretty sofas, whilst looking through cook books by Delia, after a bound of hoovering. I work all day, everyday and really enjoy bread winning because it means you can stomp around doing whatever you want. I feel all powerful and queeny. I’m strutting around his home with a kitten in my arm, like i OWN the world and run it with a wink.) I currrently hate the fact that i’m sat on a sofa in pyjamas with wet hair. I hate having wet hair. It fizzles my sizzle. I like fire..heat and dry hair. I spent the last 14 minutes trying to dry it under a hand dryer…because i forgot my hair dryer. Devastating. It’s still wet and i feel as glamourous as a wet haired sumo.)

Other than having the body of

Fluey Innit Dolls

I’ve just woken up with the flu. THE FLU!! If there’s anything i hate more than sausage dogs, people who can’t take a joke, or raisins in’s being ill. People always take their health for being one of them. I’ve spent my entire twenties ‘having a good time’ and boozing my way to an adult life of ‘not gonna make it past 45.’ However, at 7am this morning, my alarm went off. I have a hidieous soundind alarm and i really do need to change it, because the first sound your darling ears prick up to in the morning, is vital. It determines your utter state of mind. I’m a Glamour puss. I need to hear calm, joyous morning luxury..that oozes happy sensuality or a playful kitten like innocence. My phone…(pink Blackberry) rourks out a computerized Calypso theme of helldom…and get this FOLLOWED BY Fur Elise!!! It’s like a dodgey calypso/classicalmega mix! Well…kinda like me! Everyone who is lucky enough to find themselves in my sheets, hates me after they hear my alarm. 🙂 I would too…yet i know how fabulous i am.

Fights, Porn & Monster Munch

I’ve just had a lemon chicken dinner, after a trip to Morrisons in Pontefract and in a too tight for me bra. I hate too tight for me bras. I’m a spirit that despises feeling trapped, strapped down or suffocated. I’ve *pinged* the back of it open, but now i’m all worried that my boobs’ll go saggy and gravity will fuck me over…because it’s good like that innit!

I worked the whole entire day today. I enjoyed it. It was pretty good. I love work and pretty much because i have ace colleagues. I go to work to make friends,wear my outfits, make money and hair-toss. Life couldn’t be better.  Yet i really didn’t have too much to do? I’m not quite sure what my duties are exactly? But i’m not complaining, i really do have it easy. I do however prefer having things to do…i enjoy responsibilty these days. (Eww..i can’t even believe i said that!)

Anyway to sum it all up, I’ve had a boy named ‘Matt’ all of a sudden realize that i used to be a Glamour model and therefore get on all fours, as many times as he could, in order to replicate my poses, with a pout..whilst telling me that i could have a free bag of Monster Munch if i ‘got my gash out.’ LOL. I then applauded ‘Ross’ for getting back with his girlfriend and watched an old black man cry on Youtube with ‘Gazz.’ The subject of fighting occured, where the boys descirbed their techniques of drunken brawl. ‘Gazz’ will apparently go balistic, clear a dancefloor and throw chairs, if you lift his girlfriends skirt up. ‘Ross’ is no longer allowed to even go out drinking with is ‘doll’ of choice and simply to to his unreliable fisticuffs. ‘Matt’ claims that he does not start fights but creates wars, by having a go at every single person in the entire vicinity…before getting his arse devastatingly kicked. (He apparently once did a ‘run up’ charge at Gazz, with blood smeared upon his face, in the process of doing a ‘flying bird kick’..only ot have Gazz catch him in the air and rugby tackle him to the floor…and all of this over the man flu and beef & tomato Pot Noodle.

Everyone’s feeling a bit fluey right now..which sucks because there is no way in HELL that i can get it. I’m preggo…i can’t take ‘cure it’ pills like everyone else, goddamit!! I will die of it..glamourously ofcourse, but its’ still not worth having everyone cough in my face, or touch me. 🙂 I am to be looked at..not touched. If you have the flu, you are to pretend like you’re next to me talking.

But yeah..had a really good time at work! Laughter, cheek and piss taking. It was pretty much the coldest day ever and i’m quite positively sure everyone, but me, is on drugs. Yet like really. (There are currently Albinos on my telly, praising the Lord and with ORANGE hair. They have chosen this colour…which pretty much says it all!!! )

Other than all that, didn’t do much at work and dealt with a couple of Wakefield bitcheroos, had a pink piece of thread placed in my hair repeated and was non-stop ridiculed for my previous internet porny pictures..which has been the biggest and funniest regret of my life! I have the word ‘star’ tatooed on the inside of my left arm and Matt wanted to biro the word ‘Porn’ infront of it. 🙂

It’ s funny how two slaggy hours of your life…can change everything.

Love you mucho, but now Loverboys getting annoyed by the fact that the attention is not on him! I must tend to my baby boo and because he made me chicken. Totally having schloer tonight! Woohoo!