Batman, Cuddles & Onesizes

Worked ALL day and i’m hilariously shattered. I only worked a full, straight 8 hrs, after a full, straight 8 hrs yesterday and OMG i’m finding it knackering. Yeah, it’s fun. Yeah it gets boring at times. But holy moly…working long and hard for a continuous amount of time is something this little Kitty of Ultimate ‘leisure’ needs to get used to. I’m no longer pulling my groin. But the exhaustion is still deliciously brewing.

If, i’m honest, i was mildy grumbly for one part of the day (remember that i am currently helping to promote ‘Xercise 4 less, with a wink and a pout and a ‘Here’s a free membership for you to win.’) However, that was only because i ran into the rudest man i had ever crossed paths with. If i hate anything, I HATE bad manners! When i say ‘rude,‘ i don’t mean ‘feel me up’ kinda rudey. That i can handle! I mean, being a ‘grumpy fucking bastard’ rude…and well I’m all glitter and light, therefore, ‘grumpy fucking bastards’ really DO get on my tits!  If you’re gonna mope around the streets of Wakefield, with a frown, bad attitude and by potted plants Mister. You should be HAPPY, that i’m saying ‘hello’ to you and not miserable with a ‘shun’ hand, like i have some kind of disgusting lergy!

With me being quite egotistical and used to hearing how i’m adored by the masses..:) …i found his behaviour alarming. Therefore i actually stopped him, made him *pause* for a second andnwent with a, ‘Why are you so miserable? You don’t even know what i was going to say to you? It could’ve been something amazing.’ He made a poor attempt at being funny. Then after i looked at him, like i thought HE was a ‘shun’ hand. He then apologised and flipping cracked a smile! Then i walked off to wave at other people, who enjoy life and don’t mumble around, tripping over their ‘grumpy bastard’ chin.

Anyway, luckily i snapped back to being delightfully gleeful. (It’s amazing how the actions of ONE random person you meet or hear can sometimes alter your mood completely. You get pulled into their world, their path for a moment, until you shake it off. I’ve been spoilt with positivity recently, therefore having a ‘party pooper’ really knocked me back for a moment.) The rest of the day was lovely, warm and easy. I had a blast, but wished my *bump* was easier to disguise. I should really be embracing it. Yet, i never just mention it to people anymore, because for some bizarre reason, i oddly believe everyone already knows!

I worked hard and loved it totally. I’m actually getting fitter…(not as in ‘delicious,’ but as in ‘can actually run up stairs fast and everything.’) I have a WHOLE other 8hr day of promoting tomorrow in Wakefield. I’m actually proud of how well i’m kind of handling it all. I’m being prepped for what lies ahead and it’s terrifying!

Other than all that, i will tell you that i after working all day, i DID sit next to BATMAN!! He was on his mobile telling girls to meet him outside ‘Pizza Express,’ as i rudely played with his ears, out of curiousity! Funny little buggers they are! I think i might have accidentally *cuddled* him too…haha…and without his consent. I’m not one to be sitting next to a ‘being‘ dressed as Batman and not notice him, let alone LOVE him. I’ve noticed how a lot of people in England, (unlike Hollywood) can be sat next to ‘Batman’ and pretend like they haven’t even noticed..which i find weird? Lol. More weird than being in a Mercedes dressed as ‘Batman.’

Anyway enough of all that! Not only am i addicted to buying furry baby grows, that have ears attached to them for my upcoming baby girl. ( I NOW CAN’T WAIT for her arrival!!! I CAN’T WAIT to be a MUMMY! It will change my ENTIRE world!) But i also noticed that you can buy ADULT sized ‘Onesizes’ from Primark. They’re kinky little things. All for a grown up, but should be on a newborn. I’m confused by them…yet dazzled and therefore find myself NEEDING one. I’m gonna plonk my fat self into one, then do *pouty* faces at Loverboy, to see if he gets horny? If he does..then i shall be forced to leave him. 🙂

I love you all! (But more the ones that don’t try and tell me HOW TO BE. Or HOW I AM. Or WHAT TO DO! 🙂 I know how to be ‘Chrissie Wunna’ because I AM HER! Lol. I know how i truthfully am…because believe it or not…I AM HER!!) My life isn’t a game or a fantasy for people to alter? I’m a real life person, stumbling through life my own kind of way! 🙂 I do my best. Yet accidentally, keep getting lucky! No matter what you do, just make your story worth telling and learn from your experiences!! I chose to live my life thoroughly, fearlessly and glitter glowing! I’ve always been free spirited. I’ve always been non-judgemental. I don’t tell anyone to BE like ME. I encouarge others to truly BE who THEY are!

 Anyway, I’m shattered. A Man-witch gave me a latte today and a hedgehog made of chocolate. Oh and don’t forget that i have a cosmetics line all here and waiting for you to get your grubby hands on www.chrissiewunnacosmetics.com and a book currently being worked on BY MOI…right now at the same time as juggling LIFE! It’s all getting hectic! I really could do with a gin! Is anyone else not feeling Halloweeny this year? Due to the fact that i was unable to dress slaggy, i decided to pretend like Halloween wasn’t happening. I do that with everything. But whatever ghosts, gouls, devils and whores? I’m not terrified nor am i bothered. I’m freezing. Bring on Xmas!!! I’m in this weird ‘daze’ of exhaustion. I feel half wake, half sleep. I’m chilling on auto-pilot…but doing it with panache.

 

Knob Goblin Innit!

Morning all! My old school friends are referring to me as a ‘Knob Goblin.’ I’m referring to others as a bunch of ‘Whorey Goldilocks’s’ and when i *sneeze* (due to my current state of preggo deliciousness) i wee a little. HURRAH! What a delight! *Cries into her diamonds.*

I’m back in Wakefield again today, on this fine crisp morning of Autumn. I’m tired but working ‘it.’ I’m dragging, but owning ‘it.’ I’m thoroughly missing Loverboy, who is nothing but adoring me more than i could ever wish for a ‘handsome’ to adore a little Glamour Puss. Our ‘fairytale ‘is magical and i feel ever so lucky to have managed to keep such a loving piece of male. (I sat on a giant maroon coloured cosy armchair, last night and told him all about my day in pink hearted pyjamas and eyelashes. He was all proud of me, like i had saved the world or something? I liked that!! It makes me feel like a proud 5 year old (floozy) that got a *goldstar* for getting all her sums right. I enjoy that i usually always get things WRONG, because when i do one thing RIGHT…i get praised for it threefold. Even my mums all proud!)

I have my cosmetics line all running. I have my book out in the new year. I have my bambino upcoming, i’ve been asked to be on this new comedy show (due to me being on the Hilton thing-a-ling) and i’m working and aiding the promotion of  a new local gym…in order to keep the moola a flowing. I’ve lived a life, full of men, winking, romance, cocktailing, partying, Hollywood, on the telliness and modelling. I get to juggle both normality with a ‘dream come true’ life and in my mind…and my mind is the only mind that matters in Wunna Land…i have everything. I’m doing it ALL. I feel so lucky. (But my groin does still feel a little *pulled.*)

Kate (my old school friend) believes she has great news to tell me that will validate my entire existance. It better be good, because whenever anyone tells me they have something rather secret, but HUGE to tell me…my imagination goes to the clouds and back. I begin to think it honestly will be something tremendously surreal, dipped in a world of marvel. I’m usually always disappointed…as i forget that my tragic life actions are not filed under what others may believe are normal. Luckily, i can tell Kate how disappointed I am in her, if i am…and because she’s cool like that innit! I like people who aren’t ridiculously sensitive. People who don’t take themselves seriously, but have fun, tell the truth and swashbuckle around that old sarcasm in hot pink heels, without fear!

I’m testing myself a lot this year and I’m oddly impressed with what i’ve discovered about myself. I think Pete has been the best influence on me EVER. He’s taken me on an adventure, yet been my ROCK and i believe that’s why i adore him. I’ve never felt sostable and when your feet are no longer on the end of jelly legs, you can CONQUER anything.

Never stop learning about you and what you can achieve. Never stop winking…even when you’re full. I feel like i’m doing things backwards, with an ever so lavish childhood, early Hollywood twenties..then a wee bit of ‘fame’ from a wee bit of ‘ooh laa.’ Now, i’m seeing if i can handle the normal areas of life…like love, work, being a ‘mummy to be’ and an actual decent girlfriend. It’s harder than i thought it would ever be? But i’m actually managing to do it…even with all this showbizzy stuff going on around me, at the  same time. That’ll now always be a constant part of my life and because i luckily just have pockets full of glitter. I’m actually going to live the fullest life ever, where i have managed to try my hand at EVERYTHING. Amazing!! I LOVE IT!!

Your messages have been delicious. Your Halloween night starts tonight. But I’m waddling and working my way through today and therefore won’t have my day of *spooky dooky* until

Anyway i do have to run. Wish me luck! I’m in Wakefield ALL day again and if i actually get through it all unscathed and without a hot flush, i’ll be happy. I really do adore you! Winks x

Pulled My Groin!

OMG, i’ve just got home from a day of promoting and i have pulled every limb in my body, INCLUDING my own groin. I don’t know why i’m saying ‘my own’ like i usually pull other people’s? But yes…every muscle and limb in MY entire body is pulled, precious and achey. That’s how unfit i’ve become. I can now no longer walk uphill, or simply around, without the balls of my feet feeling like the ‘most pain ever,’ to the point where i am FORCED to buy new FLAT shoes within the hour AND my GROIN being pulled! UGH! I need every inch of me rubbed down and massaged immediately. It’s hilarious. I haven’t worked this hard in ages!

I’ve been in Wakefield all day today promoting the new ‘Xercise 4 less’ gym. I’m doing it all weekend. I’ve actually thoroughly enjoyed the day. Met GREAT new people, (hot boys) who i find simply hilarious (hot boys) and think that being in a gym around musclebound weight lifting hero’s is delicious! (Hot boys.) I officially now know that the best place to pull…is the gym and i don’t just mean ya groin. Big men.

Hollywood Curl Bounce-A-Lot

Chrissie: ‘Can you get married please?’

GayAdam: ‘He got deported. You were there.

Chrissie: ‘Can you find a new hubby… pleeease?’

GayAdam: ‘Yeah that one ended up with a leather fetish… & in Japan.’

Chrissie: ‘Third time lucky?’

GayAdam: ‘…model. Went missing. Like ‘back of a milk carton’ style missing.

I love having friends as tragic as I, who make it far too easy for me to blog. Then ‘BBF Flic’ told me that i really should be taking advantage of my new found weight, by barging into innocents at Tesco’s and pushing infront of people in queues, whilst making them carry my bags. Apparently it’s ‘socially unacceptable to slag off pregnant women’ Yeah…IN FLIC’s WORLD!! In Ponty, i get called a ‘slag’ at least 42 times a day! Hahaha. Oh the joys of utter beauty. 😉

Going back to the above dialogue. I’ve just noticed that GayAdam always seems to lose his potential ‘futures‘..But like literally and in other countries. I thought i was bad, with my delicious husband rack up. But at least mine leave because they hate me and not because i carelessly lost them in Japan. (Note: They never left. I LEFT them.)

I’ve also been flashbacking at how tragic i used to be when i really fancied someone. The higher the score, the more i would balls it up. With the undesirables, i gave the perfect first date. Maybe because i didn’t feel too terrified and wrongly thought i was a bit too good for them. It was safe Hollywood ground. Yet Matt Dillon for example. He really fancied a bit of the old Wunna. We actually really got on well. But because i was all young and all tragic, all scared and weirdly thought famous people weren’t normal people. I properly balls it all up. I was like a good old chump and commited to the art of getting really drunky and making myself look rather psycho…But in a tragical clumsy kind of way. I mean, i wasn’t even good at being a proper psycho!! That’s how embarassing i was! If i could turn back the clock, i would go back and redeem myself and add a little confident dignity to my ‘trip up.’ Not to score him as a ‘forever,‘ because he did technically put me straight in a taxi, when i wouldn’t ‘put out.’ Lovely gent. However, just to not have to look back upon that moment of living and feel like a sincerely cute…TWAT! (I can’t believe i once wore a neon green ‘Rub my belly for good luck’ t-shirt infront of him!!)

Anyway little did i know, at that point that my life, that everything in life was gonna turn out quite alright, with my old career in entertainment thingy and that i was gonna get to come back home to England and make it all work for me years afterward and by accident. Yippee! Kinda made it all worthwhile and kinda made me learn life and the business of ‘show‘ rather quickly! Hollywood definitely gave me a booster ‘foot up’ emotionally, mentally, physically and well career wise. I feel ahead of the game…even if i am, or not. How you FEEL makes ALL the difference.

Apart from all that, i’ve just *shocked faced* myself! I mean, how the jeebers am I (little poor armed Glamour puss Chrissie) meant to CARRY a baby sized, human being around, once i have one??? How do people do that? How can they lark it about, like it’s light as air, trying to waddle off their ‘baby fat‘ doing ‘goochie goo’ faces and continuously thinking they can smell a soiled nappy? I seriously struggle to open a bottle of pop, without hurting my bicep a little and needing it *kissed* better. Pete’s not going to be around 24/7. I totally need his arms and for once not wrapped around me, whilst he *monkey thrusts* to ‘ugg’ sounds.

I’m working all weekend, starting at 11am. I’m doing promotion for the Xercise4less gym. I think, i’ve been told to wave, smile, chat and be delicious. If you see me, say ‘Hello.‘ You’ll get to have a bitty banter and everything. Lucky You. I’m in Wakefield ALL day and for the whole entire weekend.

I do need to go and find chicken. I LOVE that i thought my hair do, was called a ‘Hollywood curl, bounce a-lot.’ I’ve since been corrected by Daniel Tully, who would enjoy to be my new hair gay, that it is actually called the ‘Hollywood Blow.’ HAHAHA. Lord help me. ‘Hollywood curl, bounce-a-lot!’ Welcome to my mind.

Jiggery Pokery

If you’re reading this, i’m still hard way at work. I’m in a brooch and have officially turned into my Mother. You all think you can avoid such a label, yet be warned…it happens and pretty much when you least expect it. Luckily, i adore my Mother…therefore beign her, ain’t too shabby!

It’s a gorgeous Autumn day. A bit gloomy. A bit lovely. I have my knickers on inside out and my hair promoting the ‘Hollywood Blow.’

This is just a quick note, to keep you interested. I’ll be back home later and will tell you all about my day.

Above.. i have planted nudity and simply because… i can! I’ll marry you all. I need tea. And LORD please hand me a bacon sarnie.

Enjoy you afternoon. Make it magical. Oh and don’t forget to hug your favourite Glamour Puss! (Which should be ME…)

Doing it With Drumstick Lollies

Just found myself in fuschia pink velour jogging bottoms, a baby pink jumper, a massive volume hair piece in ( i always put my giant Hollywood hair piece in, if i’ve been argueing..it’s my armour. Diva’s pull out their weaves. Floozies put theirs IN) and not only a brown tartan farmers flat cap on my weave ( tilted to the left,) but also furry beige boots, with eskimo bobbles on, a kitten named ‘Gucci’ in my left and of Drumstick lollies on my right. VICTORY!! Add ridiculously pouty lips and eyelashes to that..and you have Wunna Land!

I was sat infront of a giant hallway mirror, stuffing out my face, commenting on how ‘ooh baby’ big my thighs now ere, and attemtping to give my chick friend advice on how to make a boy adore her.

Nothing like a bit of Drama. UGH!

Pete has been driving me insane today! Woke up at 8am, with weird googly eyes. I got patted awake by a lovely lady, who needed someone to complain to. I’m great at these moments because i’m quite good at listenning when i’m asleep. I look all attentive and everything. Oh and incase you didn’t know…i often apparently sleep with my eyes open, which champions me through looking like i’m listenning. It’s really not mean. Yet more just selfish. It’s the difference between eating cakes infront of fatties and telling them they need to lose weight and just not giving the skinny kids your cake.

Anyway, yeah I have NO CLUE, as to what the lovely lady was complaining about? I think it was about traffic or Burmese people? Yet i did at one point attempt to open my eyes fully and OMG, one eye wobbled its way to the right and the other strained its way ‘up and left a bit’…I looked like a slutty drunk Geisha…ON CRACK! Therefore i went back to the ‘asleep’ mode. It worked better for me. Beauty sleep is an essential part to Glamour pussing. Plus, when people are complaining about traffic. They really just want you to hear them out. They don’t really want or need you to care. Just to ‘pretend’ listen.

THEN…i  made the entire WRONG move (Well Done Wunna)  by reaching for my Blackberry (oh the reach) and calling Loverboy, at 8.45am and simply because i missed him. We’ve been really wonderful recently. Yet calling ‘8hr boys’ before they are ready to wake, is a GIANT mistake. No matter how much they adore you. You have woken them against their will. The entire conversation was pretty much like me strutting into his cave of comfort and DRAGGING him out, by his ‘itty bitty’ hair for a lovely lot of morning banter. I oddly kind of did to him, what had just happened to me. Weird how we do that? We really shouldn’t! People pick up bad habits along the way. Be it from an ex- lover, a best friend, or a lady who wants to moan about traffic & Burmese people. Being YOU always..can kind of be a difficult thing to master. *Trips over herself-finds sequins under a rock.*

Anyway, the conversation started off all lovely and kind. All cheery and sweet. Then 20 minutes later we got to the point and due to ‘just woken uppness’ where Pete WRONGLY responded with ‘That’s YOUR problem. NOT MINE!‘ In regards to how tired i was due to my pregnancy! OUCH!! It all went downhill from there! We batted back and forth. Dug emotional holes and set mental mind traps and then watched each other explode in them. NEVER call a boy before he is ready to wake.

I’m super sensitive about my upcoming bambino, due to my love of her. Therefore any sort of inappropriate *jab* i will take quite badly…and mainly because i am extremely feisty! OMG! I went to TOWN on him! Men don’t really have to go through what a woman goes through during her pregnancy. It’s the hardest thing i have EVER had to juggle in my LIFE and i’m doing it pretty goddamn well! Therefore being ME…i told him exactly what i thought of his juicy little statement…what lovely characteristics he lacked as a boyfriend AND how rubbish he was at being a soon to be ‘Papa’…and then i threw in some of those delicious ‘home truths’ that no-one likes to hear. But that’s mainly because i’m a bitch. Touche’! (Lets just say, it will be the last time he EVER makes a statement like that again! My pregnancy, is MY problem? Nice try! I TOOK HIM TO THE EMOTIONAL CLEANER

The Little Art of Happiness

AMAZING DAY! Meeting went better than well, proving that i AM the most charming kitty cat on the block. It was quick, it was precise, it was fabulous! Just the way i like things! You know when you are just overwhelmed with that rush of ‘happy’ because everything just oddly seems to be going right? Right now…that’s Me. I always knew i had glued my life back together quite well, for a previous floozy. Yet it seems that if you continue to strut along merrily and with mild focus and a smile. The glue kind of dissolves making your ‘life’ pieces heal together without it….seamlessly.

Helllo Business Barbie

I’m up, ready and currently doing the finishing touches to my everyday beauty regime. I’m ‘Business Barbie’ today. Quite suited and booted. Therefore although nervous, i’m kind of rummaging in my soul for a baby bit of ‘swagga.’ I have an important meeting at noon and well i’m gonna need a whole lotta charm to pull it off…i think? I’m also trying to find a brooch. A FUCKING brooch. My friend is the brooch QUEEN. One of those dollies that wears a different one a day! I own zero brooches…because i’m more of a diamante girl who will adorn an encrusted piece of neckwear reading ‘Millionaire.’ Yet, on the day i need a BROOCH. Miss brooch Queen doesn’t have one! GREAT! How the hell am i supposed to look reliable now!! UGH!

Anyway, i’m tired, nervous, wanting all this to go well. I feel bloated. I have tea and well life really shouldn’t be too bad today. My inbox has been littered with messages from the men i catergorize at ‘perverts’ who believe they want to see ‘my body’ before 9am this morning. Luckily, i have more important things to do than commit to my usual pointless nudity and boy does it feel good.

I’m putting people in their place, making sure they realize i’m not one bit of a  stupidy.’ I’m not letting kittens get too big for their boots and i’m completely doing it to the art of ‘show-off. ‘ What will you get up to today? Make it greatness!

 I have to go….