I’ve got a layer of
Omg, when i woke up this morning, i though i had stretch marks! OMG!!! I nearly actually died, (not that stretch marks are hidieous, because i think they can be edgey…yet surprise ones are terrifying.) Now, i’m all for a sprinkle of mildy hilarious, ‘i have no idea how i got that bruise’ Party scars, yet a delicious series of stretch marks, running up, down, around and [insert something that rhymes here coz i can’t think of anything worthwhile…you WILL think for me] is taking the joy of cocktailing a wee bit too far. LUCKILY, it was merely my fake tan, that had run, when wine was spilt down my clevage, which trickled down my tummy, and through onto my crotch, followed by my legs… the evening before. It had left thick bright white ‘looked like stretch marks’ lines of glory upon my legs. I was orange and white striped. I mean, you can call it floozey tragic, (and you all probably will) but i really can’t help that my legs are so greatness, that even when THEY’RE drunk, they want to be tigers. #BeMe And kittens, was I a TIGER last night! I still got it!!! *wiggle, hip bump, wink*(Like you should probably high five a ‘being’ at this point. Any being! They won’t mind. They never do…if you have tits.)
Okay, so obviously Friday i ‘had the feeling’ and after booze a bit of ‘party party,’ i ended up taxi-ing it to ‘Loverboy’s’ parents home (who i know a blog about a lot, but right now, he’s a major much part of my life innit) and after an Indian, with Multi coloued rice, Me mildy freaking out on the inside because i had never hung out with him in a ‘home’ environment before, (my body usually rejects this, but Pete has a good way of easing me into things 😉 ) red red wiiiine occured, I accidentally met his parents, (which is always the best way to meet parents,) I recieved a drunk phone call from @GaryPonty and spent time laying on a giant sofa with my ‘Handsome’, whilst we watched Chris Tarrant get Comdey Roasted. There was a joyous moment of ‘yeah but can you do this.’ We’re quite competitive people, yet pretend we’re not (like ya dooo) and tried to out ‘freak’ each other. He has a double jointed thumb, i have a double jointed *%$£&^%*..and wine helps. Games are only great when tipsy. I mean, naked Twisted is saucy when on gin, but naked Twister sober is more ‘erm…what are you doing?’ We didn’t play Twister, the only naked game we play is ‘sex.’ We played, ‘watch me, i’m a freak.’ I must have been drunk at this point. His thumb is insane.
Anyway, long story short, ‘Handsome’ and I can’t really lay on anything for too long, without the art of ‘hanky panky’ taking place. We’ve passed the deep rooted expression of love…we’ve noted that we feel that way about each other. We also waited an odd short while, before we had ‘rumpy,’ did everything the right way etc etc…and now we’re in the ‘can’t keep pur hands off each other’ phase. We can’t stop bonking…and it’s sensual, like the most erotically feeling ‘rumpy pumpy’ ever much. It just begins with a moment, where we’ll be pottering on about weather, then our eyes will LOCK. Once that happens, the ‘Va voom’ in me gets the better of me…and anyone really. His lust (which some call a sin) gets juiced up, and heated and then after a couple of minutes of looking each other directly in the eye…IT is ON bitches! Holy Moly!! Loverboy is a giving lover and well i’m also remarkably giving, in the bedroom…plus i’m quite genius at the art of ‘tease.’ You want a show, you’ll get one.
Yeah…so we had delicious ‘oooh mama’ on the sofa. AMAZING moment! I’ve got to the stage now, where i just look at him and i can’t not pounce, you know what i’m like, i’ll want to scramble on him like a heated chimpanzee…and well luckily. i apparently bring out a ‘devilish‘ side, to my yummy chunk of ‘Handsome.’ He doesn’t know what happens to him. I’m begininning to think, he’s really clever. On the way home, i farted…for the first time infront of him. It sounded so squeaky. lol. To this day, he can’t have a conversation about my ‘fart’ without pissing himself. If i knew it would be that funny, i wouldn’t have held half of it in.
Anyway, last night we went to Browns in Leeds. We’ve been before, and well i used to drink wine there with this Burlesque dancer from Manchester, and talk about how hot Ronaldo was. We didn’t get out untill late. (Pete works hard. I work ‘it’ hard.) Yet we managed to walk my boobs there, and have a couple glasses of vino. If you haven’t been, it’s like a trendy Leeds wine bar. We had a sofa to ourselves and talked about love, life, stripping, prison, whether we are alcoholics and ofcourse other people. I’ve noticed that we get stared at a lot…but i prefer it when people actually just come and say ‘Hi.’ Mid, eveing i actually realized what a life i’ve lived. I’m happy. I can’t believe all the madness i’ve gone through. The accidental jail thing, the Hollywood thing, the fun, lies, merriement, top of the world, bottom of the world…magic of life. I don’t know how i’ve managed to survive it. I can’t believe i dated all those people?? I have a story and I love it.
Okay to look at we apparently look like we not people that others would dare talk too? Let me tell you, when YOU thought we were pouting and posing and thinking we were the dogs bollocks…(well i probably was because i do think i’m amazing) we were actually deciding whether we should drink a pretty much full, but left over beer, that we had found on our table, which had got left their by a previous couple. (The girl was high maintenance, she ordered champagne, and drank all hers. The boy left his pint. lol. Hopefully, she got her champers and went for the *wink wink, i now want you* approach. #keepitsexual )
We had fun, I got really drunky…i loved every moment and lived it like any Glamour Puss of celebration would. I mean, i had had a pretty delicious day. I had shopped in the sun and absorbed an odd amount of attention galore (we all know, i love it)…Infact, all i needed was wine and a ‘handsome,’ and well i got it! What could be better. But lapdancing midget girls, with thug style accents, spanking each other to Missy Elliot?
Drove home, on the way i had demanded ‘bbm voicenotes’ whilst pissed up on Twitter. You gave me them and i loved you for it!! Hilarious! Mark Byron is a GOD!!!! (*Drinks some Port*) We drunken bantered via the art of bbm voice note, and then a random boy from Essex, (who sounded hot) yelled down Marks phone in admiration for me. It was something about me being ‘gorgeous.’ (Haha.) I like that. (*she blows her own trumpet of ego*)
‘Loverboy’ heard this…he’s not a jealous boy. Infact, Loverboy heard this and then immediately found a dark place off the quiet road…remember it’s no 1.30am, pulls into it, parks up and within 2 minutes we were making out and and OMG we probably had the best ‘ooh laaa Daddio’ EVER! OH MY GOD!!!!! Hanky panky much! We had deliciously vocal, sensual, hot, dirty dirty, ‘yabba dabba doo.’ We made love love…but raunchily. *Hahahaha.* Like, i’m meant to be cleaning up my act here…and neither of us are people who enjoy car sex, infact i avoid it. Yet in the last jiggle of time, i’ve had it at least four times. We can never wait! He’ll look at me, and his eyes are like, ‘You’re having it,’ and well i’m no help…i ooze…‘maneater‘ at him. But then immediatey afterward, we go back to being really calm, happy and lovey dovey. This is a boy that had no sleep the night before, worked all day and i mean ALL day. Loved me enough to know that i would want to see him. Get home at 9pm, get showered, changed, groomed. Pick ME up, at 10.30pm, drive me to a swanky wine bar, buy me my drinks, love me, cuddle me, tell me i’m amazing, then drive me home at 1am, and give me ‘nookie nookie.’ He’s romantic, he’s fun, he’s kind, quite and loyal, and on top of all that he’s fricking sexual. He’s put up with ME for a WHOLE ENTIRE MONTH! Heellllo much? And well me…i’m just a Glamour Puss. I always wear heels, even under grey clouds. I feel amazing. 🙂
Had a massive
Feeling fun, feeling frisky, feeling playful and like i want to go out in leopard print heels, with my attitude, my curves and make ‘whoopee’ with the world. I’ve got the Friday feeling and not only have i just performed my version of Nicklebacks ‘Rockstar’ to myself in the mirror…which oddly has a chinese garden painted on it, but i’m hating the fact that i have ‘always at work’ friends, who i have to wait for in order for me to take part in all kinds of jubliant filly folly.
Once i’m ready to begin the process of ‘fun time,’ i’m ready and i need to go NOW! I’m 100% a ‘moment‘ girl, and when i’m giddy, i’m energized and there’s no waiting to party party. Waiting annoys me. I don’t appreciate stillness. Technically, i’m not exactly ready, because i’m in a pink towel, with my hair bunch on top of my head. But i’m definitely wanting a decent Friday night and i’m worried that i might not be gifted with it. I feel naughty, fun and minx-like. (I should really put this coffee down. )
A moment ago i was on the phone to Jonny. He called me ‘unknown’ because he got drunk and messed up his phone. I called him a ‘stalker.’ He called me a ‘slag.’ I was stood in my bathroom, naked, holding a towel infront of me, with the shower running full blast. He was at home, telling me he didn’t know if he was going out tonight. (He’s in Camden right now. I’m up north.) I explained that some people (meaning him) enjoy staying home on Friday nights, knitting swimming trunks out of yarn. However, others (meaning me) fancy a bit of a drinky poo…we ALL know i love one, like to get out and about. Infact, in the future i need to start having ace house parties. I love having people over. Yet it always gets me into trouble. (I’m not afraid of trouble. It’s now afraid of Me.) I can’t remember what else he said? Oh, yeah he didn’t like me Tweeting that he ‘rode stallions.’ However, technically he said it not Me. Other than that, since i’m on about Tweeting, Keith Lemon, Tweeted me back today…which i’m jizzing over, simply because whenever i’m tipsy, he’s my new GOD.
I currently have hip hop blasting, i’m up to my usual tricks. I’m dancing and wiggling like a champion and i’m completely not only loving life…(i do feel amazing, i love it when it’s light at 7pm) but i’m completely LOVING YOU! Work, love and Life are quite brilliant right now…and i think that both
You know you’ve had an amazing night, when you’re on a dark dirt track, at 3am, in a blue car, convincing a ‘Handsome’ that it’s probably best that refrained from driving home in nothing but his pants! Last night, ‘Loverboy’ and I did drinks. We’ve got quite good at the doing of drinks. Well i’ve always been good at the doing of drinks. I mean I’m the Queen of cocktail. *shimmie much.* However, he’s now learning the ways of The ‘rather delicious’ Wunna and in return He is teaching me this random thing called, ‘stability.’ I’ve never had a boy be so good to me before, without fearing me so much that an immediate ‘show’ or a ‘front’ as i call it, comes to surface, in a moment of panic much. When i date any boy, i meet their ‘front’ and the ‘pretend’ version of their merry self, before i actually meet them. Right from the initial ‘ eye contact’ of ‘ooh,’ men never seem to feel comfortable around me. I make them nervous. But that’s the way i like it. *Wink, giggle.* It makes cocktailing in bars far more exciting for a Glamour Pussy Galoreness.
Well i’m BACK my bottles of ‘ooh yeah Daddio.’ I haven’t blogged in a jolly few days because i’ve been frolocking in places that needed a little bit of a Wunna smear. I’ve been loving life, living life, winking, wiggling and mainly being drunk. Yay! I do love a long holiday weekend, and therefore the events of the four day weekend, kind of got the better of Me, giving me only a cupped hand of time to blog in. I noted the ‘cupped hand’ and then i poured vodka in it and drank out of it, instead of blogging. I apologise. But I am the Kitty cat of Party. The Queen of ‘you know it’ Greatness. The legend that is…. The Ultimate Glamour puss and Lady of Leisure of live it ‘yeah bitch’ life. Therefore, you can’t really punish my rather charming arse too much. (Unless, you’re using whips and rainbow candy canes.) I’ve really enjoyed the last few days of ‘joy joy,’ much. It’s been hilarious. I mean it’s taken me a long time to blog, simply because i needed to search for my memories, in peeky holes i never knew i wandered to. I think better when i’m drunk. I’m currently sober, so i guess i’ll just skim the facts for you. (Once a moments passed, it’s never as delicious. That’s why you have to keep love and life a going….keep it juicy and not only for Lucy. I have no idea what that means? And i don’t care 😉 )
Wednesday: All i remember is going for what was meant to be a quiet romantic drinky with my (we all love him) ‘handsome handsome’ boy of love. I enjoy putting boys into categories. (‘You’re for sex, you’re for love, you’re for arm candy, you’re for drink buying…’) But anyway, as we know, i’m totally enjoying and completely loving ‘Loverboy’ right now and yeah we went for a local drink at The Harvester in Pontefract. Two bottles of red wine later, we were sprawled out laughing and making out on the pub bay windowed sofa. He was nervous at the beginning of the night, but then by the end of it was telling me i was getting ‘hotter by the minute.‘ What he didn’t realize was that between each minute of looking at me, he was dowing red wine. 🙂 I love getting boys drunk until their eyes no longer work efficiently. I mean, yeah i’m delicious. But God knows what he was seeing? It was like i was Queen of the Ultimate World. We’re a romantic fun ‘pair up.’ Not a moment of stupidity flies by without us tampering with it. Then it’s winked at, and sealed with a kiss. I had an amazing night. We ended up in a car outside my house, (insert ‘Hanky panky,‘ here.) I think i was impressive, well his face said so. I kept hitting my head on the steering wheel. *Wink pout* Anytime that happens…you’ve been a good girl. Great night. Fun, frisky, ohh laa, under the stars to red red wine. *Wiggle.*
Thursday: I woke up, with a glint in my eye and a mischief so delicious. Can’t really remember what happened? However, again ‘Loverboy’ drove me to Leeds in the early afternoon, to pick up his friends that had just flown in from