I’ve just woken up next to a fully clothed teddy bear. Even any stuffed animal i sleep with daren’t remove it’s clothing, when in bed with me. Most of you, (well hopefully) woke up to a well bodied female, or a deliciously dreamy ‘handsome,’ or a ‘being’ of future regret. I woke up next to a stuffed fucking bear in a hat and scarf, that didn’t even tell me he loved me. I’ve always thought cuddly toys were over-rated…especially the ones that keep their shoes on. From now on i’m only going to let superior cuddly toys grace my sheets…and they will be ones i’ve purchased from a sex shop.
In the last few rather loong hours i’ve managed to consume so much wine that my actual sight was given away to it. On Friday night i’d been on a late night drive with my sexy boy of ‘lover lover.’ (Pete) We actually pulled over and then got stopped ‘in the name of law’ my the Police, who decided to shine a torch into our car. Apparently they thought we could’ve been doing drugs, but we’re so completely *rockstar* and devilishly exciting that we were actually and quite luckily doing nothing. (Well i was holding an open bottle of red wine, that i was swigging out of. But i wasn’t driving, so IN YOUR FACE.) It was nothing really, they were actually really nice, when they saw we looked like a happy, young couple and not a pair of *thug mansions.* I did what i did best, mid *torch shine* and hid the wine bottle between my legs (*wink-pout*) and with a 100 watt smile, they drove off waving. (We later had sex on a dirt track. But before that and as i was confessing undying love, outside a primaryschool, he accidentally elbowed me in the face, mid * stretch.* )
Anyway, moving on…i’ve also shopped, got yelled at by a homeless granny who told me to refrain from using the Lord’s name in vain, because she was a Christian. I mean, all i said was ‘Oh God..how cute,’ and we were standing by a market stall full of Dolls houses, in Doncaster. The word ‘GOD’ isn’t swearing, in my world. He’s the dude that made me Glorious, therefore i adore him. (Even though i think he’s bi.) It’s not like i said ‘Fricka-doo-dee.’ (Bitch.) Plus, as IF i would ever swear infront of DOLL’s houses. That’s like breaking the code of conduct of any Glamour Glamour puss. I was trying to model out how i might want my new Kitty Kitty flat, (‘Do you guys have a doll sized hot tub?’) The last thing i needed was a toothless homeless gran, trying to feel me up and tell me that she was a Mutha Fucking Christian. 🙂