So already this week i’ve had a boy tell me i made him ‘lose his boner,’ that it ‘just doesn’t feel right,’ that i should ‘shut the fuck up’ and that i’m a ‘wheelchair bound spastic.‘ I have that song that goes ‘it’s so funny how we don’t talk anymore’ playing in the distance background, by some poor soul of Satan and not only is my phone a flashing at me with people in need pf my attention, but my voice is all husky…like one of a big butch tranny, who’s trying to be angelic.
I’m currently writing my blog topless (yeah bitches) as i’m waiting for my fake tan to dry. I’m all sticky in all the wrong places and hopefully will be a decent shade of ‘Dale Winton’ Orange in 4 hours time. (And that’s only the first stage of ‘orange’ i intend to go.)
I have men pretending to offer me jobs on the internet in order to try and windle my phone number out of me. (Pulease, i was raised in Hollywood…we’ve all pulled that by the time we could legally do a shot) and yeah now i’ve been reminded…i’m totally missing my LA fans!
Okay the difference between my LA fans and my Brit fans is that my Brit fans are usually (excluding my Gays) little girls….and i love little girls more than anything, because i’m under the misconception that i am one, when really i’m an old bag, with a fucking decent titty job. (Jealous much?) But my LA fans, and the cremaing fun after me ones, are ALL hot MEN!! I swear, as soon as i step out onto the sunny street, i get hounded my men of all shapes, all sizes, all colours, all walks, all levels of wealth…and it’s so much better because they don’t take ‘no’ for an answer (they’ll even follow me all the way home) AND they feel me up. My little girls don’t and although that’s a good thing…it’s really not too good. I haven’t been felt up in ages. ‘Billi Bhatti’ said he would tomorrow.
My ‘Wunnerettes’ (teenage girl followers of The Wunna) are upset at me for being ‘busy’ and are insisting onlooking up to ‘Ginger Laura’ if i don’t speak to them and become nuns of Holy Churches! They’re being naughty for attention, and i think i might need to swear at them. I do miss them however…but i’m telling ya, this fucking ‘take over the world’ work bullshit, is interferring with my social life. It’s getting on my nips! One of them ‘Rebecca’ has just told me my ‘vahina smells fishy.’ She’s 15! I’m a wonderful role model.
Anyway, all is well apart from i don’t understand why the youth on facebook type all funny, so that i can’t understand their sentences?? Like why bother putting about 500 letter ‘e’s’ on something that just needs one. (‘Chrrissieeeeee…’) and i’m not liking people who are randomly promoting their event, websites and their bloody Mothers skank whore hole (excuse my french, raised so well) or whatever on my profile. They don’t even say ‘Hi’ to me..they just use my ‘space’ like a slut and litter it with ‘Visit blah, blah blah’ crapola. Rude much!! Oh and people who basically want me to do everything for free. They’ll like message me 2 times on Facebook, believe we’re now really good friends, and then try and manipulate me into doing something for free for them! I’m a ‘What’s in it for me’ kinda girl. I’m the Worlds Ulitmate Glamour Puss. My tan hasn’t dried yet? Bollocks! I need to get over myself.