This morning, i’ve already managed to get called a ‘Spastic,’ wished the Swine Flu on my best friend Wazza and claimed that i would like him to date a ‘Bastard’ just so i can call her ‘Bastard…(Insert any female name in here.) We’ve discussed how i want a ‘Sloth’ to eat me out whilst i am on my period to mood music. How i can never tell anyone what really happens in my life, on my blog now in order to protect others and how my art of ‘ruining’ things will soar me to the lofty heights of Stardom…or just make me die young in a gutter.
Every morning Wazza and i will check in and discuss. It’s kinda like a meeting of pathetic minds, and essential for anyone trying to write a blog on CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM. We give each other a quick overview of what’s actually happenning in each others lives (we usually discuss our love lives and slag innocent people off) then we visciously ridicule each other and begin a series of disgusting name calling, littered with a delicious sprinkle of inappropriate humour, followed by discrimination. We talk about paedophiles, spastics, drunks, slags and sex. It’s a good warm up for me. I love verbal abuse. It gets my juices flowing. (‘Call me bitch! Call me bitch!‘)
Anyway, Wazza tells me this story of how he once pulled a girl in The Greyhound (a crap pub in Ponty…he usually never pulls so this is always a story.) He didn’t like her too much…so he ‘got off’ with her in the pub. Nothing like a cheeky snog with someone that disgusts you. It’s a good way to punish yourself. Fuck an eating disorder. Just sloppy snog someone who appauls you. Anyway (i’m getting distracted) So Wazza makes out with her.. with a PORK SCRATCHING in his MOUTH. (I’ve made out with someone, with a penis in my mouth before, so i’m not one to judge.) Unfortunately, the young lady ended up being a Vegetarian and decided to get rather pissed off at him. So to her sweet revenge, she SHAGS his friend (who is also MY friend, who dumped me when i was little for being frigid in chemistry) whilst she was on her period. I’m not sure how that qualifies as revenge?? As isn’t it just being a Slag?? YOU SLAG!
Anyway i’ve had sex on my period before so i don’t think the story is too disturbing. Infact, it’s Greatness because it’s a 100% guarantee that you won’t get pregnant. Yet to make the world a better place, Wazza is informed that his ‘Friend’…. being the kind gentleman that he is, DID NOT eat (the girl in question) out, due to her being on the ‘blob.’ So Wazza decides (probably out of jealousy) that he will tell everyone that his ‘friend’ pulled the girls tampon out with his teeth, did the diddly dirty, fell asleep with his head in a pizza and then in the morning walked back home, across town, with a mushroom stuck to his face!!
The rest i can’t tell you about because it turns a bit too inappropriate. But the moral of the story is…don’t send your child to boarding school. Three Cheers!
I have a day of grooming ahead. I’m getting pampered, plucked and rubbed upon. I’m a Lady Of Leisure and i’m loving it bitches. Glamour pussing is an ‘Art.’