Swallowing hurts

Woke up this morning, with the sorest of throats. It still hurts when i swallow, (ooh-er)  but whatever i’m over it. I’d rather my throat be sore than my…(fill in anything you care to, in this space.) Hmm..how interactive of me. God my eyes are stinging now and in about 1 hour, i am booked to go wave at the masses on this fine Sunday Morning. Some choose to get their church shoes on, some are rolling hookers out their beds and others choose to come see ‘The Wunna’ and have her swear at them for kicks. You sickos! Love it. It’s the sicker the better for me. (Omg! Whilst i’m writing this my Mother is actually screaming at me to come upstairs and pray to Buddha. It is hilarious.’ She’s not even being very ‘Zen’ about it. ‘Get the fuck upstairs!!!’ I once got thrown out of a Zen Garden, by a monk, for ashing in their koi pond. It was quite embarassing too, cos i was on date with a drunken sailor and trying to pretend i was a really good Buddhist.) Why did i bother?? He ended up lying to me about his age, his martial status and forgot to tell me he had a 1 year old son!! ‘Hoooooolllywoood!’

I talked to ‘Latin Lover’ last night and i do almost every night (mainly cos we’ve been through a lot, he knows me oh too well.Plus i don’t annoy him, like i do most other men.)  He’s being a very strong pillar of support for me right now. I guess i like that in men. I often need an emotional ‘prop up,’ someone who can take care of me, someone who understands me…as i’m basically one giant glamourous mess, when it comes to matters of the heart. My life is wonderful, my career well, always blooms. I’ve been so lucky.  Yet  let me tell you, my love life never fails to be one disgustingly eventful piss pot of a hell hole. I have dated EVERYONE! Rich, poor, tall, small, famous, infamous, hot and ugly…and let me tell you finding my Mr. Right is a bitch of a job. I’m a champion at finding ‘Mr.Right now’..aren’t we all, as i have an inbox full of dashing suitors awaiting a date….yet i’m a hopeless romantic, so i think it will just happen naturally. Like God or the boy will have to trick me into it. Make me not realise that i’m actually signing up for the ‘ever after’ crapola. It terrifes me. (I’m not sure who i should blame, but i think blaming Mikey…is a good first choice. Followed by ‘the boogie.’) UGH! I just swallowed and FUCK it hurts!!

I’m sorry this blog is a bit shite. Yet aren’t they all!!! It’s just the story of my life as it goes along. I’m getting myself into a lot of trouble right now. I’m sure it will all come out, when i find the balls to say it. Off the subject, the other day a bunch of ‘never seen them before’ men from Israel thundered up to me, with a random glint of pervy excitement i their eyes. They 100% claimed to have known me from somewhere.  I just assumed then meant from the tv, or their secret ‘wank to it’ drawer. Even worse!! After a giant pause of thought, they looked, scratched their heads…thought a little more and all in unison scream…’AMSTERDAM!!!’ Amsterdam?? Now, you know ur a skeezy skank, if boys from Israel think they somwhow  remember you from Amsterdam. I remind men of a red light district, where drugs and really bad accents are permitted and couples eat herpes infected vaginas on pool tables and i still don’t get laid.  (She winks.) I’m far too fabulous for this bull shit. I just swallowed…’F*&%^$((((^^^%%king hell!!’

Godda go pray to Buddha.

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